The 6 Most Underwhelming Moments from the iPhone 3G Debut
So for pretty much my whole life I've been kind of a love him or hate him guy. I have a special talent for polarizing people. Don't get me wrong. I know what I'd have to do to change that. How to behave differently. Questions not to ask. Things not to say. Jokes not to make. But for the most part, I've disregarded that knowledge and just done what I wanted. Not because I'm some selfless martyr. And not because I have more integrity than the next guy --- unless that next guy is a certain blogger whose name rhymes with pDan pO'Brien. (Hint: those are silent "p"s.) But no. Mostly I've gone my own way just because not doing so took too much energy. Besides, my ability to catalyze strong feelings ---even feelings of disdain for me--- has served me well. It lets me know who's who and what's what. I'm pretty much not comfortable with someone until I've pissed them off. (Just ask my editor and life coach Jack O'Brien. Let's just say at this point --- I'm very comfortable with Jack.)
Someone else who I'd add to that list is Matt Tobey. We've been friends for some time now, and he's been one of the main Jiminy Crickets of Hate By Numbers. For example, it was Matt's wisdom that put the kabash on the episode 8 Reasons All Australians Should Be Euthanized. And he's the one who suggested the Kid Rock episode. He also sent me a link about the Steve Jobs iPhone 3G presentation. And since Matt's so funny I thought I'd see about bringing him on as a co-writer this week. After all, truth be told, I'm not really pissed off about the iPhone 3G or anything. So I asked Matt for help andI told him I'd give him byline credit and half the paycheck. But then I didn't. Because I didn't use any of his suggested jokes. Sure they were funny, but there's something else you have to remember: I'm also good at polarizing people because I'm a dick.
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I think you made some good points
ReplyI don't know about that Stef, but I think i can get you one where he says, "[you're] a white ... also very beautiful."
ReplyYeah... I wasn't really feeling the hate in this one, but I don't fully blame The Gladstone. The way Jobs said "beauuuuutiful" just made me feel all tingly and I wish he was looking into my eyes and calling me "slim and beauuuutiful". If he offered that as a ringtone, I might save up my nickles for this.
Reply"I’m an Australian and I don’t appreciate being screwed with. Furthermore… Ahh, who am I kidding? I don’t care. I’m an Australian, we rarely give a shit about anything besides beer.
ReplyI would be interested to see that HBN though."
That and violence in sports, and pissing off the English. As a Scot, I agree with both of those noble goals. No wonder my brother fits in so well over in your lovely country.
Kudos Gladstone. While we're on the subject there's a street in Glasgow that's near me named Gladstone Street, probably something to do with William Ewart Gladstone, an old Liberal Party leader and enemy to Benjamin Disraeli (who was a dick) and on many occasions referred to him as being said total dick.
That's exactly what the Reptoids would want me to do!!!!
ReplyAh yes, the iLarry.
ReplyYou should start taking your medication again, glendoor47.
Yes, this post definitely needs more hatred, why don't you talk about how Steve Jobs has
Replybeen bankrolling Kid Rock's career or how Jobs has designed a life like Larry King android so when Larry passes on the robot will take over so the world will never be without Larry's hard hitting journalism.
Heh, that made me chuckle a bit. I guess its my favorite one now. Keep up the good work.
ReplyYes, I must admit, i don't have much antipathy for jobs or the iphone, but I needed to shake things up.
ReplyWe all saw this coming. Expect a new iPhone with a new 2 year contract every year until Steve Jobs is assas... dies of natural causes. How many fucking iPhone and iPod versions do they really have to shit out each year before they are satisfied? Trying to buy an iPod accessory has become ridiculous, there are more generations than Star Trek.
ReplyAnyhow, good HBN, not as much seething hatred as I would like, but not a bad Monday opener.
Also, Yahoo Serious... Don't you get it? Yahoo. Serious. They're contradictory words! That's what makes him funny!
ReplyNo, Yahoo Serious sucks ass. I'd be willing to find and dispose of him myself for a fee.
I'm an Australian and I don't appreciate being screwed with. Furthermore... Ahh, who am I kidding? I don't care. I'm an Australian, we rarely give a shit about anything besides beer.
ReplyI would be interested to see that HBN though.
I had it a couple of times for varies things. It always made me feel like I was dancing on a cloud.
Replymorhpine makes me puke everywhere, hard. learned that after I had brain surgery.
ReplyYeah, next you'll be wanting The Night by Morphine to play your damn theme song.
ReplyI like morphine, the drug anyway.
You want Diggs? I just told you there's a fucking street named after you! What more do you want?
ReplyDamn, CrazyCracker long time no see. I was getting worried.
ReplyYes, but the cheap ones only come in black so that makes white special. I wasn't seriously calling Steve Jobs a racist.
ReplyIt's been awhile since i lied about offering free candy for a digg. This thing is awful close to breaking, but could easily stall now. So here I go:
Free fictitious candy for everyone who diggs!!!
I think you guys misunderstood...I thought he said you can get the 16 GB for $299 in either black or white
Reply@ kingmonkey +1 , I believe the song is Morphine by the band The Night.
Reply@ Metalbrainsurgery Being that Steve Jobs is a BViT (Bond Villain in Training) I would say it is both.