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The 6 Most Underwhelming Moments from the iPhone 3G Debut

So for pretty much my whole life I've been kind of a love him or hate him guy. I have a special talent for polarizing people. Don't get me wrong. I know what I'd have to do to change that. How to behave differently. Questions not to ask. Things not to say. Jokes not to make. But for the most part, I've disregarded that knowledge and just done what I wanted. Not because I'm some selfless martyr. And not because I have more integrity than the next guy --- unless that next guy is a certain blogger whose name rhymes with pDan pO'Brien. (Hint: those are silent "p"s.) But no. Mostly I've gone my own way just because not doing so took too much energy. Besides, my ability to catalyze strong feelings ---even feelings of disdain for me--- has served me well. It lets me know who's who and what's what. I'm pretty much not comfortable with someone until I've pissed them off. (Just ask my editor and life coach Jack O'Brien. Let's just say at this point --- I'm very comfortable with Jack.)

Someone else who I'd add to that list is Matt Tobey. We've been friends for some time now, and he's been one of the main Jiminy Crickets of Hate By Numbers. For example, it was Matt's wisdom that put the kabash on the episode 8 Reasons All Australians Should Be Euthanized. And he's the one who suggested the Kid Rock episode. He also sent me a link about the Steve Jobs iPhone 3G presentation. And since Matt's so funny I thought I'd see about bringing him on as a co-writer this week. After all, truth be told, I'm not really pissed off about the iPhone 3G or anything. So I asked Matt for help andI told him I'd give him byline credit and half the paycheck. But then I didn't. Because I didn't use any of his suggested jokes. Sure they were funny, but there's something else you have to remember: I'm also good at polarizing people because I'm a dick.


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