"Segments, Gladstone," he keeps saying. "I need segments! I can't keep picking fights with Hannah Montana. That's going to get old."
"Going to get old?" I thought, but I felt I owed it to Dan --- much in the way you still give money to a homeless woman pretending to be pregnant--- you feel so bad that she's delusional enough to believe she could fool anyone with a pillow under her shirt that you just have to reward the effort.
So I grabbed a recent news story ---Tiffany Shepherd, the Florida High School teacher who was fired for working part time as a "bikini-mate" on a charted fishing cruise--- and put it through my previously tested numeric hate machine to create a new segment: