Roman Catholic Bishop Donald Pelotte of Gallup New Mexico recently called 911 to complain he was the victim of a home invasion and that "...gentle little people, about 3 to 4 feet tall, and wearing Halloween masks". Pelotte spent the duration of the invasion, about three to four hours, hiding in a closet. While I am neither a Roman Catholic nor a detective (And in the interests of full disclosure, I should add I am a Jewish Unitarian and am lucky if I can detect my way into pants each morning) it seems to me there are several aspects of this story that don’t add up. If you would imagine the distinctive “Law and Order” sound effect at this point, you’ll find it makes the story more enjoyable. If these ‘Little People’ were ‘gentle’ why did the ‘Bishop’ feel called upon to hide? If they were wearing ‘masks’ who can the Bishop be certain they were ‘people’ at all, and not, say, Jawas or perhaps the Geiko lizard, who has invaded my house after ‘happy hour’ on more than one occasion? And what does Bishop Pelotte mean by ‘Little People’, precisely? Is he employing the polite term for midgets and or dwarves? Were they Leprechauns? Or, most terrifying of all, Children? While police found no one in the home. Children cannot turn themselves invisible, and while it is widely held that midgets can, this is a superstitious old wives tale and frankly offensive. Dwarves also are visible to the naked eye at all times, even Gimli son of Gloin, who while supernaturally hardy possessed no magical powers per se. Did these so-called ‘detectives’ even consider that the alleged ‘Gentle Little People’ simply fled? Or, if house elves, disapparated in the nick of time? Or here’s another line of inquiry worth pursuing. Perhaps Bishop Pelotte has only ‘half a sandwich’ in his ‘lunch bucket’.