If You Seriously Still Haven’t Gotten Enough Of Guitar Hero, Here’s A Slightly Shittier Version Of It That You Can Play ANYWHERE YOU WANT
I don’t know about you guys, but I’m sick of being chained to my television when I want to play Guitar Hero. The wireless controller was a nice attempt, but it still kept me stuck in my living room. I want complete and total freedom of movement when I rock out, you know? I’m sick of looking like a total fucking douchebag playing Guitar Hero in the privacy of my own home. If only there was a way that I could play Guitar Hero… IN PUBLIC! On the train, in the food court at the mall, in the office break room; If possible, I’d like to be able to look like a prick anywhere I go.
That used to be just a pipe dream, but come Summer 2008 that pipe dream will finally become a pipe reality!
And what better way to announce the coming Guitar Hero DS revolution than with what may possibly be the most instantly-dated commercial I’ve ever seen. Look at that guy and that girl. They are ready to ROCK! You can tell because they brought their Nintendo DS’s and copies of Guitar Hero onto that rooftop, and they’re totally rocking out in front of… what skyline is that? San Antonio, Texas? Yeah - they’re totally rocking out in front of the San Antonio skyline. If that isn’t enough to convince you that Guitar Hero DS is the premiere game of Summer 2008, then I don’t what will.
If I didn’t know the product was brand spankin’ new I would assume that this commercial was made in 1992. The only explanation I can come up with is that Guitar Hero DS is early 90s themed and features hits by Spin Doctors and Counting Crows. Oh well - at least it works on rooftops!
Last 5 posts by Ross Wolinsky
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March 27th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
“Why do people waste time playing guitar hero when they could spend that time learning to play a real guitar?”
Why is that the first response when this comes up… every single time?
Guitar Hero isn’t “time consuming” unless you’re a dumbass. Any idiot can pick up the guitar and play the game on hard the first time around, so if you play easy or medium or “spend time” learning to play harder difficulties, you must be retarded. I’ve only logged about 4 hours in the year that I’ve had the game, and I play on expert. So what? I can go out and learn to play a real guitar if I wanted, since I haven’t wasted a MINUTE of my time. Go away, douchebag.
March 25th, 2008 at 5:42 pm
yay ross
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/44/115537260_9237e0b4aa.jpg
March 25th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Man, Brass Knuckles Hero would kick so much ass.
March 24th, 2008 at 6:58 pm
Oh, read the comments. Yeah, you’re a douchebag, Ross.
Just kidding. Felt like jumping on the hate-bandwagon. Aaaaanf I’m out.
March 24th, 2008 at 6:58 pm
How the hell could you recognize that as San Antonio? I live here and it just looked like a generic skyline. Couldn’t even see the Tower of the Americas. Jeez.
March 24th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
It’s great to know I’m still remembered. Thanks guys for letting me know I made an impact.
March 24th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Couldn’t have said it better myself, Smuckers.
I hate to agree with the douchebag in the previous blog, but Guitar Hero does ruin music.
Here’s your proof. Try doing what Andy McKee does with that fake guitar:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ddn4MGaS3N4
March 23rd, 2008 at 8:01 pm
That game looks really really bad, which sucks because the best music game I’ve ever played was on the DS. Daigasso FTW!
The game had a music maker where you could manually write out the sheet music for every instrument you wanted to include (up to eight, like sixty instruments total). The only way it could be better is if it wasn’t midi, or was out in America.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=yrCtQCCK-g0
Back to Rock Band now to wait for tuesday’s Boston Album.
March 23rd, 2008 at 7:00 pm
First place I’m playin’ Guitar Hero DS? Rock Concert. Why listen to their shitty band when I can play in a portable shitty band?
March 23rd, 2008 at 2:40 pm
Trumpet Hero? Now that’s an expensive hat!
March 23rd, 2008 at 5:15 am
I love you guys.
March 23rd, 2008 at 12:46 am
I play guitar and also enjoy Guitar Hero and Rock Band. I know several people who are obsessed with Guitar Hero and can’t play a note on a real instrument. People like them piss off musicians because they think that they know all about music and try to brag about how great they are.
March 22nd, 2008 at 9:12 pm
hey, glendoor42, maybe they do it because, you know, it’s FUN?
March 22nd, 2008 at 5:50 pm
Defeats the purpose, but it does open up the possibility of Louis Armstrong’s Trumpet Hero..
March 22nd, 2008 at 4:29 pm
isn’t the point of playing GH pretending to be a rock star and striking poses with the guitar? so the DS version makes you have to hold the game in one hand and the pick in the other making cool poses impossible to stike while playing.
fucking useless game (funny to watch though!)
March 22nd, 2008 at 2:21 pm
I think it’s hilarious that so many people get worked up about this game. It’s a GAME people. Now I’m totally going to have to agree with Ross that playing the DS version of GH is going to make you look like a giant bag of douche. That’s just fact right there. However, I just think it’s ridiculous that elitist douchebags (like that asshole Nick, I remember reading some of his old posts) are always saying “blah blah blah you suck because you play guitar hero, why dont you go learn real guitar you tool. look what i can do! *plays awesome guitar riff* see? look how cool and better than you i am.” I play both guitar and GH and oddly enough, GH helped me train my fingers a little better for guitar. I do both for fun, but ultimately, overall I think the GH franchise is getting a little tired. Rock Band FTW.
March 22nd, 2008 at 12:16 pm
I actually think that portable Guitar Hero is a better idea than normal Guitar Hero. I play guitar and I obviously can’t carry it with me in my pocket. This I would be able to.
March 22nd, 2008 at 11:41 am
I play guitar, and I also play guitar hero. They’re fun in entirely different ways. But Guitar Hero makes a good finger workout, because 90% of the time they add a trillion extra notes to a song, actually making it harder than it is to play on a real guitar.
March 22nd, 2008 at 10:54 am
Bingo: That’s what she said.
fragg: That’s what she said.
March 22nd, 2008 at 12:28 am
Bingo: my reaction to the last five words you just posted pivots entirely on your gender.
March 22nd, 2008 at 12:17 am
fragg: You don’t sweat playing GH? Come on man, finger harder!!
March 21st, 2008 at 11:34 pm
Oh, thanks brucey for clearing that up. Although San An’s not too boring.
March 21st, 2008 at 10:58 pm
I’m confused…was that sarcasm? Or does he really hate us?
March 21st, 2008 at 10:27 pm
Fuck, people are having fun again. The Cracked staff to the rescue! Let’s all feel superior to them because we spend all of our time pounding nails into our dicks because doing anything else would make us less cool!
You’re all a bunch of tools. So, y’know, I’m gonna go enjoy some Nickelback or Dane Cook or something. You all can go pose on your college campuses in sunglasses and marvel at how awesome you are all fucking day for all I care.
March 21st, 2008 at 9:05 pm
That is the Glittering Los Angeles Skyline. The tallest building is the tell.
March 21st, 2008 at 8:06 pm
@miranda, nathaniel-San An was chosen as the city because just it’s boring, just like the commercial.
There’s nothing besides the alamo in that city.
March 21st, 2008 at 6:15 pm
This does raise wonderful questions. Why do we play guitar hero as opposed to learning guitar? Why do we play fps’s instead of going out and killing real people? Why don’t I have a flying mount yet?
March 21st, 2008 at 6:00 pm
What the hell Andrew? Your inappropriate call-back of past blogs totally DID waste space. Totally! Thanks to your random call-backs my Coke-ham ™ has totally gone cold. Totally.
March 21st, 2008 at 5:36 pm
Never mind, I used some internet savvy, and found it for myself. Sorry to take up comment space.
March 21st, 2008 at 5:28 pm
I don’t always keep up on the nooners, and did not know Nick was the subject of one (nooner). Could one of you helpful blokes direct me to that particular nooner, because that guy was a douche and I want to see him get his come-uppance.
March 21st, 2008 at 4:31 pm
Isn’t the point of Guitar Hero that you can at least justify it to yourself that the controller at least looks like a guitar?
And that attachment looks like it could easily moonlight as a pair of brass knuckles.
March 21st, 2008 at 3:19 pm
Sorry for not recognizing the LA skyline based on a 3 second view of 10 completely nondescript buildings. You’re right - that was my fault.
March 21st, 2008 at 3:11 pm
that’s LA, you nitwit.
nice try at being snarky.
March 21st, 2008 at 1:49 pm
um…that’s not San Antonio. Or maybe there’s a joke in there that once more I don’t get. Hold on, let me go ask my neighbor what this might mean.
March 21st, 2008 at 1:45 pm
A 90’s alternative themed Guitar Hero definitely has my attention, but only if Space Hog is on there somewhere.
To be fair, Nick probably would have liked Guitar Hero a lot more had they come out with a”Music from Final Fantasy” themed version…
March 21st, 2008 at 1:23 pm
You know who was better at the guitar than Nick…Jesus, that’s who. It’s in the Bible, folks.
March 21st, 2008 at 1:02 pm
Nick is out there somewhere, rubbing his cock on God’s face.
March 21st, 2008 at 12:33 pm
Aww Ross you caught me. I miss Nick too.
Thank you for recognizing the vehement sarcasm that undercuts most of my comments here.
March 21st, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Guitar Hero is a great party game, like Dance Dance Revolution without the sweating.
March 21st, 2008 at 12:04 pm
I’m going to assume glendoor was making a joke and referring to this thread from back in January.
Sigh… I miss Nick.
March 21st, 2008 at 12:00 pm
I have only 1 response to that: http://www.cad-comic.com/comic.php?d=20070509
March 21st, 2008 at 11:59 am
glendoor42: I suppose for the same reason some people choose to play sports video games rather than training to become professional athletes. It’s easier, less time-consuming, and doing the real thing apparently transforms ordinary people into insufferable elitist douchebags.
March 21st, 2008 at 11:54 am
That’s a great question. I believe it stems from short, stubby, sausage-finger syndrome. Also, there is so much more that goes into a guitar, which does not come with vocals, drums, etc. However, I probably shouldn’t comment as I’ve never played guitar hero, I have my own guitar.
March 21st, 2008 at 11:39 am
Why do people waste time playing guitar hero when they could spend that time learning to play a real guitar?