Did you ever watch two really great, (though unrelated), movies and think “These would be even better if, instead, they were just one movie?” Of course not. You’re not an idiot. Also, you probably don’t work for Hollywood.
Due to the success(?) of the latest Halloween as well as the success (!?) of 2003’s Freddy vs. Jason, Paramount and Newline are teaming up to develop not only
Freddy vs Michael Myers, but also Freddy vs Jason vs Michael Myers.
These movies will hopefully clear up the unanswered questions left by Freddy vs Jason, (specifically, “Why did this movie get made?”). Nothing says “We haven’t bled these franchises dry yet” quite like having Mike Myers resurrect Jason for no fucking reason. Why not go all in and have the whole thing take place on Wolfman’s birthday?
After the jump, you’ll notice a few similarly inappropriate movie posters to distract you while I complain.
This crossover flick is particularly disappointing due to the current state of things over in Hollywood. In case you weren’t aware, Hollywood is engaged in a staring contest with a very huge strike. The Writers Guild of America just recently voted to approve a work stoppage that would be effective Nov 30th when their contracts expire, and it’s incredibly likely that the Screen Actors Guild and the Directors Guild of America will join them in the summer. That’s right, folks. All of the actors, writers and directors would go on a simultaneous vacation of undetermined length, which would mean you’d have to go back to reading books, going to see original plays in community theater, or even talking to your family.
In preparation for the strike, a whole lot of TV scripts are being written and a shit ton of movies are being rushed into production, to be released during the possible break. Hollywood is hoping to have enough movies that, should this strike happen, they won’t miss a beat.
They are signing deals all over the place because they might not get a chance to soon, so they’d better make them count. [It’s why they’re rushing The Justice League movie into production, despite the fact that the Batman and Superman franchises just had recent jumpstarts and also that no one gives a shit about Martian Manhunter.] 
So here’s the question: You’re seriously at risk of not making another movie for a very long time. You are tasked to make a movie that, in all likelihood, may be your last. Would you make a nonsensical, forced crossover with two mask-wearing slashers? Honestly, Hollywood, we appreciate that you’re trying to build up a heaping stockpile of movies to present in case of a total work stoppage but, really, if all you’re going to do is jam a bunch of preexisting characters into one movie, well…don’t do us any favors. If our choices are Alien vs. Predator 2 and Freddy vs Every Member of the Munster Family, or no movies, seriously, we pick no movies. There’s plenty of material out there for us to read, (www.Cracked.com and the novelization of Alien vs. Predator come to mind), while the writers, directors and actors find their footing again. It’s bad enough that, in the last decade or so, the theaters have all been jam-packed with sequels, prequels and remakes, and now you’re throwing crossovers into the ring, too?
Please. Just worry about getting your shit together first before you sign on the dotted line for Ocean’s 14: Robbing Narnia!.
This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 23rd, 2007 at 2:32 pm and is filed under Freddy, Hollywood, Indiana Jones, Spider-Man. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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December 14th, 2008 at 3:20 am
alien vs predator 2 was awesome
Pointless and violent. And as Psychomech said, it already has videogames, books and comicbooks based off the idea.
I want a crossover of two of my favourite movies, Team America and Scarface. I don’t see how it would work either but it would be awesome.
Or maybe Saw crossed with some romantic comedy…..
October 10th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
Alien vs. Predator has long been a popular comic book AND video game series before the movie was conceived. It’s NOT just a random movie crossover because they couldn’t think of anything better. You Ass.
July 3rd, 2008 at 8:22 pm
Give me John McClain in a lethal weapon movie and its all good.
June 3rd, 2008 at 10:32 pm
Unfortunately for them, Oceans 14 (the website) Is taken. They couldn’t make the website for the movie, should they make it. Unless they plan to buy it from my brother-in-law….
http://www.oceans14.com
June 1st, 2008 at 4:03 pm
i hope that was absurd enough to not be too offensive.
June 1st, 2008 at 4:02 pm
boo o’brien,
america loves crossovers, sequels, and prequels. deal with it.
Besides with crossovers I might get to see the greatest movie ever.
Sister Act 3: Mississippi Burning
Whoopi Golberg’s brand of sassy religious love converts a bunch of racist rednecks in Mississippi for the betterment of society.
May 31st, 2008 at 10:53 am
how about Ash vs. predator or Ash vs. Alien or Ash vs. spiderman vs. hulk vs. jason
for the last one spiderman and Ash join together to defeat the hulk and jason and at the end freddy
kills spiderman and ash chainsaws him in half only to realize that freddy was his twin brother and for the credits he sings I cut my brother in half
February 22nd, 2008 at 5:37 am
Patrick…
I just wanted to write to say that you have a great site and a wonderful resource for all to share….
February 18th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
I saw one advertised, “From the Producers of ‘The Grudge’, ‘The Ring’ and ‘The Departed’ comes ‘The Eye’ - How can you believe your eyes when they’re not yours?”
And I thought of the sequel - “From the producers of ‘The Grudge’, ‘The Ring’, ‘The Departed’ and ‘The Eye’ comes ‘The Nostril’ - Pick Your Doom!”
February 14th, 2008 at 9:49 am
I’d like to see The Warriors of the Worlds, in which a Coney Island gang has to fight it’s way through various Scientology members to get home.
November 6th, 2007 at 2:13 pm
Aliens vs. Predator 2 actually looks pretty good. By good I mean horribly and senselessly violent.
October 29th, 2007 at 5:05 pm
What about a sequel to that Jessica Alba comedy - make it an action-comedy in the style of True Lies and call it “Good Luck Chuck Norris”
October 25th, 2007 at 10:00 am
Very excellent, bro. However, I was very disappointed that you left out the crossover film we’ve both been dreaming of: “No Country for Grumpy Old Men.” I know its early, but I heard the script is already approved. Possible sequels, you ask? Already in the works: “No Country for Grumpier Old Men,” “Still No Country for Grumpy Old Men,” or my favorite, “Stop Searching for Country, You Senile Old Bastards.”
October 24th, 2007 at 9:47 am
Hell, if that was the only problem they could just go ahead and do it - Jason and Freddy have died like ten times apiece already. And of course Ash would win, because
a) He’s the lone hero
b) He’s m$$$$F’n Ash, for god’s sake.
c) See b)
October 24th, 2007 at 2:15 am
I actually heard there was a script at one point for Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash. I saw Bruce Campbell at a Q and A say he read it and was mildly interested, but turned the role down when the studio wouldn’t agree to his only term: that Ash win, killing the other two and ending their movie franchises. And that is why I love Bruce Campbell.
October 23rd, 2007 at 9:59 pm
I’m sorry, but this is fucking awesome. I want to see Freddy in as many movies as possible. Yet, I’d take what Robert England says w/ a grain of salt. He’s been pushing a “Nightmare” prequel for about ten years now. Still, I hope it happens. I like seeing my childhood favorites mashed up in gorey roust-a-abouts.
-s.davis
October 23rd, 2007 at 4:12 pm
Really, someone in the forum should pick this up and make it a contest, or just a thing to do. I could spend a whole day making crossover posters….And I do.
October 23rd, 2007 at 2:48 pm
More funny posters please. They are funny.