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Freddy vs. Agent Cody Banks

freddyvsjasonvscompany1.jpg Did you ever watch two really great, (though unrelated), movies and think "These would be even better if, instead, they were just one movie?" Of course not. Youre not an idiot. Also, you probably dont work for Hollywood.

Due to the success(?) of the latest Halloween as well as the success (!?) of 2003's Freddy vs. Jason, Paramount and Newline are teaming up to develop not only Freddy vs Michael Myers, but also Freddy vs Jason vs Michael Myers.

These movies will hopefully clear up the unanswered questions left by Freddy vs Jason, (specifically, Why did this movie get made?). Nothing says "We havent bled these franchises dry yet" quite like having Mike Myers resurrect Jason for no fucking reason. Why not go all in and have the whole thing take place on Wolfmans birthday?

After the jump, youll notice a few similarly inappropriate movie posters to distract you while I complain. indianjonesandairbud.jpg

This crossover flick is particularly disappointing due to the current state of things over in Hollywood. In case you werent aware, Hollywood is engaged in a staring contest with a very huge strike. The Writers Guild of America just recently voted to approve a work stoppage that would be effective Nov 30th when their contracts expire, and its incredibly likely that the Screen Actors Guild and the Directors Guild of America will join them in the summer. Thats right, folks. All of the actors, writers and directors would go on a simultaneous vacation of undetermined length, which would mean youd have to go back to reading books, going to see original plays in community theater, or even talking to your family.

this-movie.jpgIn preparation for the strike, a whole lot of TV scripts are being written and a shit ton of movies are being rushed into production, to be released during the possible break. Hollywood is hoping to have enough movies that, should this strike happen, they wont miss a beat.

They are signing deals all over the place because they might not get a chance to soon, so theyd better make them count. [Its why theyre rushing The Justice League movie into production, despite the fact that the Batman and Superman franchises just had recent jumpstarts and also that no one gives a shit about Martian Manhunter.] schindler-and-spiderman.jpg

So heres the question: Youre seriously at risk of not making another movie for a very long time. You are tasked to make a movie that, in all likelihood, may be your last. Would you make a nonsensical, forced crossover with two mask-wearing slashers? Honestly, Hollywood, we appreciate that youre trying to build up a heaping stockpile of movies to present in case of a total work stoppage but, really, if all youre going to do is jam a bunch of preexisting characters into one movie, well...dont do us any favors. If our choices are Alien vs. Predator 2 and Freddy vs Every Member of the Munster Family, or no movies, seriously, we pick no movies. Theres plenty of material out there for us to read, ( and the novelization of Alien vs. Predator come to mind), while the writers, directors and actors find their footing again. Its bad enough that, in the last decade or so, the theaters have all been jam-packed with sequels, prequels and remakes, and now youre throwing crossovers into the ring, too?

Please. Just worry about getting your shit together first before you sign on the dotted line for Ocean's 14: Robbing Narnia!.


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Daniel O'Brien

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