(Okay, let me clarify a little bit for anyone who might be reading this letter that isn’t either a)obsessed with The Watchmen or b) the head of the Fox Corporation.) Back in the 80s, Fox purchased the rights to a Watchmen movie and celebrated by not making it for 20 years. Now, Warner Brothers respected their decision but, oddly enough, felt that a Watchmen movie would look better if it was actually, you know, made. So, Warner Brothers decided to make it. They announced their plans well over a year ago and Watchmen is now one of the most anticipated movies of the year. If you saw The Dark Knight and, statistically speaking, you probably did, then you already saw the trailer.
If you’re me and, statistically speaking, you’re probably not, then you went back to your apartment and watched the trailer on Youtube over and over again and experienced an odd yet not totally unexpected sense of profound sexual arousal that you could really only describe as spiritual.
If you’re Fox, you patiently waited until the excitement over the movie reached a boner-inducing fever pitch, and then you decided to sue Warner Brothers and, according to the New York Times, you won. On Christmas Eve, a judge ruled that Fox has the right to, at the very least, distribute The Watchmen. Will they try to stop the release of the movie? Probably not, (though they certainly could). Will they try to change it? Again, no. Will they make some fat cash off of it? Certainly. Should they eat all the dicks? Without a doubt.
Now, Fox, I know that you didn’t technically do anything illegal. In terms of the way the American justice system works, you are completely within your rights to do exactly what you did. You owned the movie rights to The Watchmen, and Warner Brothers made the movie anyway. Without having a real firm grasp on the law, I can certainly understand the concept of someone taking somebody else’s thing. Like, if I bought bacon with the intention of cooking it, chopping it up and throwing it into one of my famous omelettes, I’d be real pissed if some jerk showed up, took all my bacon and made their own breakfast with it. Even if that jerk was Warner Brothers, and even if their breakfast looked fucking awesome.
But here’s the thing: You weren’t going to make that movie. You had the movie rights to the most important graphic novel of all time, and you just sat on it for a couple of decades while you focused on making other hit movies, (though I can’t for some reason think of a single one). The difference is that, when I buy bacon, I cook it almost immediately. I never just sit on it. (That’s the worst thing you can do with bacon.) And if you did want to make it, you should’ve spoken up when the movie was first announced. “Hey, Warner Brothers, don’t make that movie. We own it, and we will make it, we’re just very slow.” That would’ve been fine. But you decided to wait. You waited for Warner Brothers to buy some cheese, fry up some eggs, toast some English muffins cook its bacon, (I’m assuming here that Warner Brothers is making a bacon egg and cheese sandwich), and just when Warner Brothers was about to take a bite, you jumped out of the shadows and said “Hey, that’s mine!” Which is why I’ve popped out, from even darker shadows, shouting “Hey, eat all the dicks!”
You know what bothers me the most, you stupid, shitty bastards? You don’t want to crush this movie or stop its release. It’s not like you’re morally opposed to the subject matter, and it’s not like you’re artistically offended by the vision and interpretation of the source material by Warner Brothers or director Zack Snyder and as a result want to stop the movie from seeing the light of day. It’s not like there are a bunch of Fox employees who worked diligently on this movie; they’re not being screwed by Warner Brothers’ production. And it isn’t like you’re lashing out because you were going to make the movie and Snyder beat you to it; you had over twenty years and did nothing.
This is about money. You saw the chance to make a ridiculous sum of money, for no reason, and you’re going to take it.
This is Rupert Murdoch. He owns Fox and has more money than you’ll ever have. Also, look at his weird face.
And, when the law is on your side, it’s easy for you to argue that I don’t have a leg to stand on and, at the end of the day, you’re right. You’re a business, and you made what is perhaps the smartest move a business could make. You struck at the last second, thereby forcing Warner Brothers’ hand. They’ll have to settle with you, and they’ll have to pay whatever exorbitant sums you want, or else they can just refuse to distribute the film, which, given the anticipation, will screw Warner Brothers pretty hard.
But I don’t give a shit about the law right now, (or, hey, while we’re at it, ever). When it comes down to it, Zack Snyder worked hard on this movie. All of the actors and all of the crew members worked hard on it. The producers took a risk by giving Snyder complete creative control and a buttload of money. This is a movie that fans have been praying and begging for for decades. We want this movie and, more importantly, we want it done right. We want it to be visually stunning. We want to see the book’s complex themes brought to life. We want to see Dr. Manhattan’s glorious, blue genitals majestically flopping on the big screen.
Flop flop flop flop flop.
A lot of people worked hard to make this movie what the fans want it to be and, based on the trailer, the behind the scenes video clips, most of the early reviews, this is as close as anyone will come.
You, Fox, did not do any of the work to get this movie to where it is, but you’re still going to make money off of it. And that’s a concept that I don’t quite understand, and I never will understand it. I can’t imagine that Warner Brothers has money tucked away specifically to pay to you, Fox, so I have to assume that whatever money goes to you was originally intended for someone else, someone who probably actually deserves it. You haven’t been able to make a decent hit blockbuster, so you’re pulling this crap. And that, Fox, you shameless, opportunistic, greedy, jealous, petty shit-parade, brings me back to my original thesis:
Eat all the dicks. Open your bitter, miserable mouth and eat all the dicks. Stop using that mouth of yours to whine, and get started on all these dicks you need to be eating. Keep eating dicks, even at night, even on weekends. Intuition will tell you that you’ve had enough dicks, but you will be wrong: You will never have eaten enough dicks. You may complain that what you’re doing is perfectly legal, but I’d argue that I’ve never read a law that specifically prohibits force-feeding a lethal amount of dicks down someone’s throat, (though, I’ll admit, I’m almost positive there is one). You may say “I don’t care what you think, DOB,” to which I’d respond, “That’s some tough talk for someone with an acre of dicks in their mouth.”
And even when you meekly protest that they don’t measure dicks in acres, I won’t be able to hear you.
Because of all the dicks.
This entry was posted on Friday, December 26th, 2008 at 7:00 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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November 15th, 2009 at 8:48 am
win!!
October 28th, 2009 at 2:17 am
Most hate mail falls into one of two categories: A) obnoxious as fuck or B) funny ’cause it’s so bad. This falls into neither. This is category F) funny as all hell! Awesome article, dude!
Also, sitting on it isn’t the *worst* thing you can do with bacon.
September 7th, 2009 at 9:10 pm
Dear Fox,
Please eat all the dicks.
Sincerely,
The Internet
August 27th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
THIS IS THE MOST EPIC HATE MAIL I HAVE EVER SEEN.
TRUE UTTER EPICNESS. FCUK RUPERT MURDOCH, FCUK HIS ASS FACE WITH AN ACRE OF DICKS.
that was entertainment =DDD
(unfortunately i think the plot of the film worked out better than the novel but damn i missed that fcuk off big o*****s)
advice: watch the movie first, wait about a month, then read the novel- apparently it works out better but i didn’t do that =/
August 23rd, 2009 at 3:14 am
Great articles & Nice a site
August 15th, 2009 at 10:40 pm
Yeah. I love the novel but I love how fucking sure O’Brien was that this movie was going to be awesome.
As if Snyder at the helm didn’t tip him off.
July 24th, 2009 at 4:34 pm
Too bad the movie was a piece of shit.
July 22nd, 2009 at 7:44 am
Man, this hit’s messed up.
Rupert Murdoch is the biggest asshole in all of history, and so are his employees, from Sean Hannity, that halfway-retarded monkey-man who prances about on a set and throws shit at ANYTHING liberal in a fragile and ephemerous effort to look intelligent, to Bill O’Reilly, that bitter, racist fuck who apparently thinks that the world will be a better place because he constantly looks down on Sweden, for some reason. If I could choose between destroying Bush or Fox, I’d choose Fox, because THEY HELPED HIM GET IN OFFICE.
Fuck Fox, the greedy corporate assheads!
June 19th, 2009 at 10:57 am
[...] seen a lot of “OMG FUK FOX” stuff over the Watchmen lawsuit lately, of which this is an actually funny example that should not be considered [...]
June 11th, 2009 at 5:20 pm
the one thing I didn’t like was the ending of the movie, in the comic, Moore made it so that all the pieces would fit together and that it made sense. in the movie, the Cold War wouldnt have ended because the UN would seek to destroy America, because of Doctor Manhattan.
May 27th, 2009 at 9:50 pm
Just another example of how our failed legal system allows pieces of shit to fuck hard working people out of money they deserve. Fuck the judges and fuck Fox. I hope they all die of AIDS and a horriable case of genital warts.
May 26th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
Ha!
You would think that they world have OK’d it at the beginning instead of allowing it to go so long without saying a thing and then bringing it back up when it was too late. I don’t understand it at all. Extenze
May 17th, 2009 at 4:18 am
HAI THAR.
I R FUXXING LOLWHR$ YC($#R TASTIC TODAY!
GIVE MI 4 MINUTES N I WIL SUK A DIK 4 YU
IMMA JUST FINISH SMOKING DIS WEED.
‘FOX: BECAUSE WE CAN’
*THEME MUSIC TO WATCHMEN PLAYS*
ALALALALALALALALAL I <3 GAY MEN CAUSE I R GAY TOO XD XD XD XD
LOWUT IMMA SO HIGH I COULD TOUCH THE MOON.
OMG OMG OMG I BROKE THE MOON OHNOES!!
AEJFBDSFJJIO LOLWTF I’M STILL HIGH XD XD XD
SO LYKE WAT DO I DO NAO? IMMA STILL SO GODDAMED HIGH OVER HAR.
NVM ILL JUST SUCK A FEW DIKS.
*HE SUKS DIKS*
OMG THAT WAS SOOO HOT I MUST BE REALLY GAY. XD XD XD
GIMME A CONDOM FOR MY BIRTHDAY! I REALLY NEED SOME ANAL SEX XD XD XD
OH WELL BAI BAI WILE I SUK DA OTHER DIKS XD XD XD
SIGNED
RUPERT GAYDOCH
May 15th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
hmm, I might have to see this movie. Besides it can’t eat as much dicks as the wolverine movie did.
Nice Argument.
May 13th, 2009 at 4:30 pm
I love you
May 8th, 2009 at 9:11 pm
Agreeing with most everything you said, I wonder once again whose “invisable hand” is at work regarding this film. Is it Rupert Murdoch’s, or the quasi-religious belief in a free market “invisible hand” ? Isn’t the latter supposed to guard against selfish profiteering?
May 2nd, 2009 at 5:32 am
That last paragraph is amazing
April 17th, 2009 at 7:52 am
You sir, made your point. And you made it GOOOOOOOOD.
(on a side note: yes, watchmen was awsome.)
March 17th, 2009 at 6:14 am
Fucking right
March 14th, 2009 at 10:19 am
I just watched the movie yesterday and having not ever read the comic, absolutely fucking LOVED IT! I went to the Alamo Drafthouse 30 min early and of course, in typical Drafthouse awesomeness they had watchmen material which caught me up on some of the characters. Hella cool!
March 13th, 2009 at 3:18 am
Watchmen was, is and will always be the best film of 2009. Despite the lukewarm Rotten Tomatoes reviews, despite the whiny fan-base, despite the accusations of political indiscretion, or the complaints of adhering too closely or distantly from the source material. And every other behind-the-scenes ogre pulling strings of malignancy out of merely being jealous and absent-minded. Watchmen outmatches them all.
March 7th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
[...] I was a little saddened by the spectacle of Michael Phelps apologizing profusely and multimedially* for taking a bong rip on his day off. Nobody would have expected him to apologize if he’d drunk a case of beer instead, and I am ashamed to live in a country where we’re expected to publicly pretend that probably the most harmless recreational substance in existence is the nuclear weapon of intoxication and requires a prolonged public mea culpa every time a public figure is caught toking up. But this business with USA Swimming suspending a national hero for three months is a goddamned travesty, and they’ll never get a penny of my money again. Sorry mister Phelps, but I won’t be watching any more televised competitive swimming sanctioned by USA swimming. To paraphrase the late**, great Dan O’Brien: Dear USA Swimming: eat all the dicks. [...]
March 7th, 2009 at 6:42 am
Truly disgusting… and what we’d expect from Flox… a collective financial pox upon it’s unethical and squirmy little house!
March 5th, 2009 at 6:09 pm
you can write a scoop about:
http://www.amolenuvolette.it/dblog/
purists wouldn’t like watchmen, the film
complete plot analysis, spoilers and differences between comic and film
March 5th, 2009 at 6:34 am
[...] Watchmen fan cordially invites Fox to eat several —-s. [...]
March 2nd, 2009 at 10:14 pm
Flop Flop Flop Flop Flop
February 28th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Have we had any updates on this dick eating situation? I personally haven’t looked for any pictures of Mr.Murdoch but he damn well better be suckijng down some penises. Also, how would one go about eating said dicks? Would one just take one and shove it down their throat, or perhaps stew it in a broth to soften it and maybe add flavor.
And yes, I just created a few mental image that will never leave your mind no matter how hard you try. Have fun trying to sleep as everytime you close your eyes Rupert Murdoch will appear, eating a dick out of a chinese carry-out container as if it were Lo-Mein noodles.
February 27th, 2009 at 11:59 am
Did Ol’ Rupert Murdoch up there have a stroke or something? Divine punishment maybe. Seriously his face looks weird as hell
February 26th, 2009 at 11:24 pm
DOB, I thank you. Fox deserves more than that. The Watchmen is one of the best novels ever made, and I sincerely hope some Fox official stumbles upon this and realizes what a sordid, lucrative, dick-eating bunch the company is. Then leaves them ashamedly and applies for Warner Brothers under a different name.
February 26th, 2009 at 11:06 pm
fantastic article. marry me?
February 21st, 2009 at 10:58 am
OH MY GOD THANK YOU.
Fucking Fox. Fuckers.
February 19th, 2009 at 11:31 pm
Well, Fox just got owned to say the least. Did you send them a copy of this letter? If not you should.
February 18th, 2009 at 2:04 am
DOB, i dont know who you are… but thank you. i’m going to go to bed now, and i will be able to sleep peacefully knowing that all the justice that could be served has been served.
millions of americans agree with you, i’m sure. and i know i speak for all of us when i say:
Thank You.
February 17th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
Ahh… One of my favorite entries…
February 10th, 2009 at 9:29 pm
[...] Wish I Had The Potential To Write Something This Amazing http://www.cracked.com/blog/fox-can-eat-several-dicks/ Wow. I mean seriously. Wow. Daniel O’Brien is a blogger affiliated with AintItCoolNews and [...]
February 3rd, 2009 at 5:32 pm
Legal this and legal that… you know it all comes down to life and death. All the laws in the world can’t save you from some crazy nut knifing in broad daylight, w/ a blade drenched in some deadly cocktail, because you’re a wrinkled old rich prick. I’ll never understand why more people don’t keep low profiles or at least try to not come off like all you love is money.
February 1st, 2009 at 12:15 am
Yeah,they should have cooked that Bacon long time ago,but maybe no because I bet it will look like shit,just look at the special efffects 20 years ago,it wouldnt look totally awesome as today
January 31st, 2009 at 11:46 am
Oh gawd:
The reason we ‘liberals’ hate Fox and Rupert Murdoch is because like every piece of shit neo-con like yourself, they hate freedom and America. We need to send worthless shitbags like you to guantanamo bay for some all american “advanced interrogation techniques”. You’re a fucking traitor to this country and you and your fellow traitors like every cunt working for Fox, should eat a dick and burn in that hell you love so much. Fucking un-american neo-cons.
January 27th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
[...] that as well, it would do little for me to speak much about it, other than to provide you with this amusing and pertinent link regarding recent developments in the release of the [...]
January 26th, 2009 at 7:44 pm
I agree 100% fox should have gotten off their asses and made the fucking movie WB did the right thing by making the movie so many fans of the watchmen, including myself, have wanted to see not only done but done right. fox can eat all the fucking dicks!
January 23rd, 2009 at 5:46 pm
Just another way a company can get money in this economic crisis. I’ve been hearing and reading a lot lately that movie studios are cutting back on the amount they are paying actors. Apparently Samuel L Jackson didn’t get the part of Nick Fury in Iron Man 2 because they would only be able to pay him $250 thousand.
Sure, by law, Fox did everything legal. By moral standards though? Not in a million years. Sure they will get all the money for the film, but nothing hurts worse then a scarred reputation. If I owned a company like Dreamworks or Sony, I wouldn’t want to do business with Fox…for fear that they’d pull some other kind of bullshit to get more money for a film when all they did was slap their name on the cover.
Agreed, Fox should eat a lot of dicks.
January 21st, 2009 at 5:47 pm
this was a cool piece, but i really think WB should eat dick too…no reason, just because no matter how much money fox has, WB also still has more money than me. fuckfaces.
January 19th, 2009 at 10:09 pm
C. Taylor said:
“So what do you think about the fact that Warner Bros. made this movie despite complete opposition by Alan Moore, the writer of the whole thing?”
Erm…Alan Moore has been opposed to every single movie made about his written work. Every. Single. One.
What’s that list? Yeah, I know you haven’t asked, but I’m going to tell you anyway to save you some time. I know your time’s important, because you couldn’t be bothered to do about 5 seconds of research to check out your claim. It’s like claiming that Religion’s not bullshit because Bill O’Reilly’s a Christian, without taking into account that everything Bill O’Reilly says is bullshit. Anyhow, here’s the list. Cuntbag.
From Hell
League of extraordinary gentlemen
V for Vendetta
Constantine (aka Hellblazer)
Watchmen
Well, that’s almost every movie made based on Moore’s work. No. Wait. It *is* every movie.
I love Alan Moore, but he’s a crazy old fucker. Anyhow, make a point that’s worth making before attempting to badmouth something as holy as this movie.
And eat a dick.
January 19th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
I know Fox did what they should have, but hey. They haven’t done many good movies in a while. That was a low blow. And I 100% agree with them eating lots and lots and lots (and lots) of dicks.
January 18th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
So you think owning the rights to something, after having BOUGHT them, doesn’t entitle you to profiting off of it? Huh. So what do you think about the fact that Warner Bros. made this movie despite complete opposition by Alan Moore, the writer of the whole thing? So their ownership of D.C. gives them the right to make this movie, but Fox’s ownership of the movie rights doesn’t give them the right to profit from it? That isn’t logical at all. The movie’s still getting made. Warner Bros. will still make the vast majority of the profit on it. What on earth is there to complain about?
January 16th, 2009 at 8:50 pm
Has anyone pointed out yet that fox didnt wait until the final moments of post production to spoil the film
Fox has been barking after lawrence Gordon since before the film went into production he was just dicking them around avoiding the issue that in the end despite all the bad press associated with it Fox said enough and went the open legal route.
Yes Fox is full of dicks and probably sucks them, but so do all the movie studios and this issue is a case of a Producer not doing his Fucking Job and its him that should be blamed for this shitfuck mess that ended up happening.
article thats a couple of weeks old but it explains the process clearly, Neither Fox nor Warner were in the wrong, Gordon was.
http://hollywoodinsider.ew.com/2008/12/judge-in-watchm.html?cnn=yes
January 16th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Hey Oh God from the top comments? Theres plenty of dicks for you too, whiner.
January 16th, 2009 at 9:25 am
[...] Oh, and Fox can definatly Eat All The Dicks! [...]
January 16th, 2009 at 12:46 am
YEH AND THEY ARE GONNA MESS UP COWBOY BEBOP TOO
January 15th, 2009 at 10:17 pm
Nobody else is talking about politics.
The author of this article confirmed explicitly that he understands that Fox has the right to do this.
Stop trolling and fantasizing about throwing shit at people. Go outside. Call up a friend and go play some basketball or something. Get off my internets.
January 15th, 2009 at 5:21 pm
Wow. You fanboys just DONT UNDERSTAND what the hell is happening here.
The second you liberal morons hear the word FOX you immediately think of FOX NEWS and RUPERT MURDOCH.
You do realize that 20TH CENTURY FOX is a SEPARATE FUCKING DIVISION of FOX, correct???!
You do also realize that FOX OWNED THE RIGHTS TO THIS MOVIE and WB decided to make the movie WITHOUT PERMISSION, CORRECT?
And you also realize that a judge agrees that FOX IS ALLOWED TO SUE, CORRECT??
If anyone should “eat dicks” it should be the main poster of this ignorant fucking war against fox and their apparent liberal hatred for anything with the name FOX corporation in it.
I bet if a piece of shit nailed you in the face by accident you’d blame FOX for it’s conservative tilt and say the shit was shat from a right-wing ass.
Fucking nerds.
January 15th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
[...] permalink or this: ‘Watchmen’ Fan Cordially Invites Fox to Eat Several Dicks | Cracked.com [...]
January 14th, 2009 at 4:49 pm
I came back after a month to read this article again.
Frigging epic.
Love it.
January 14th, 2009 at 6:10 am
“WB went into Fox’s kitchen and took the bacon”
Atleast it fed someone instead of spoiling in the freezer.
January 13th, 2009 at 8:47 pm
Gloriously written DOB.
The dick-tastic climax brought tears to my eyes. *sniff, sniff*
… The point of the matter is, a lot of people won’t be even aware of what’s happening (or happened), or even if they did, they’ll forget what was it all about once the reel starts rolling on the big screen.
Society still continues to feed injustice.
January 13th, 2009 at 3:37 am
@ Canadian Falcon, hey in no way am I saying that what Fox is doing isn’t extra “douchey”. It is totally unfair to the people who worked their asses off to make a movie that looks like it’s fucking awesome (let’s hope it lives up to it’s trailer). It’s just that, who’s really at fault here. The victims are indeed the actors and all the guys on the lower part of the totem poll. But WB knew exactly what they were doing. To insure any type of litigation from FOX, the execs at the WB could have easily had their high powered lawyers make sure everything is secure before taking any action towards making the film. Instead they tried to screw FOX and ended up being screwed themselves. It doesn’t matter how long Fox waited to sue them…all that matters is that they’re in their full legal rights to do so, unfortunately that’s how this government works. WB served everyone up on a platter, and it’s just as much WB’s fault as it is FOX’s. The execs at the WB aren’t gonna be hurt by this, it’s their employees that will suffer. At the end of the day, like the letter says…don’t go into someone Else’s kitchen and steal their bacon.
January 12th, 2009 at 11:25 pm
Seems like Warner Brothers knew what they were getting into and took a chance and now it sucks to be them. WB went into Fox’s kitchen and took the bacon.
January 12th, 2009 at 10:23 am
I am fully in agreement with the author of this article. FOX can’t even maintain a decent teleesion show anymore, let alone a decent movie. And all of the sudden they decide they want to pull this bullshit? Burn in hell, FOX. Burn in hell and get fucked up the ass by Hitler.
January 11th, 2009 at 11:07 pm
I fully agree with this. Rupert Murdoch should be sentenced to death for crimes against society.
January 10th, 2009 at 8:36 pm
[...] the issue so that the release of the film could proceed unobstructed, but I’ve also seen some more incendiary analysis, reflecting how serious Watchmen fans are about seeing this [...]
January 10th, 2009 at 11:20 am
OH my god. I was all but rolling on the floor laughing at this. There are literally tears in my eyes from laughing at that last paragraph.
You are so god damn hilarious.
January 10th, 2009 at 4:07 am
[...] didn’t know were geeks; and, in honor of the web site you’re probably reading this on, ‘Watchmen’ Fan Cordially Invites Fox to Eat Several Dicks. Actually, just go read the whole goddamned web site, okay? ‘Cuz it’s [...]
January 10th, 2009 at 3:20 am
[...] while I understand it will not be admissable as evidence, I hope the judge will have read this before announcing a [...]
January 10th, 2009 at 3:01 am
By all dicks I hope you also mean the fake ones in sex shops. Glass, steel, rubber, plastic, whatever other stuff they make dicks from. And also donkey dicks, horse dicks, WHALE dicks.
What a bunch of cock eating arseholes.
January 9th, 2009 at 10:19 pm
GAWD!
I just had like a brain-gasm.
I freaking love your material.
I was literally laughing my pants off.
January 9th, 2009 at 7:11 pm
totally sent this as an email to Fox studios… won’t do crap but felt good, haha
January 9th, 2009 at 5:49 pm
Hey how about boycotting all fox movies from now on?
what i mean is, everytime a warner movies gets out, that we like we just go to the cinema buy the dvd or whatever,
and everytime a fox movie gets out, that we like to watch, we just dont go to the cinema, there are other ways to see the movie (cough, internet, cough)
January 9th, 2009 at 9:49 am
This, sir, is made up entirely of awesome and win…and TOTALLY FUCKING TRUE.
January 9th, 2009 at 8:44 am
I just read this, but it is fabulous. Innovation in dick jokes such that the world has never seen. Loved the article on the Weblog Awards too, I’m just too lazy to comment twice. You’re kind of like a younger and more bitter Jay Pinkerton (a compliment, I promise).
January 9th, 2009 at 5:19 am
Funniest and greatest piece of literature (yes, literature) I’ve ever read.
I, for one, will throw my dick into the pile… for humanity.
Mike A.
January 9th, 2009 at 3:54 am
Hear Hear!
*throws dicks at FOX*
They deserve it for so much more than just that, don´t even get me started…
F*ck you FOX!
Great letter Daniel O’Brien
January 8th, 2009 at 8:44 pm
[...] Letter From ‘Watchmen’ Producers on Hitfix . Aunque mola mas el de comete todas las pollas fox : ‘Watchmen’ Fan Cordially Invites Fox to Eat Several Dicks | Cracked.com Mientras parece que se inicia una campa
January 8th, 2009 at 7:11 pm
We as fans should boycott any other movie Fox puts out, starting with the crappy looking Wolverine movie they plan to flush to us this summer.
I vow that I will only watch pirated versions of Fox’s movies and television series.
January 8th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
They should eat their own dicks marinated in shit.
January 8th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
ok fox had 20 years to make something and now wb dos it and all the sudden you want your kudos tuf shit eat a dick
ps
FLOP FLOP FLOP
January 8th, 2009 at 2:26 am
I really want this movie to come out. Fox is indeed screwed for what they’ve done but WB deserves to have a dick sandwich also, read this article to see why:
http://www.midoceannews.bm/siftology.midoceannews/Article/article.jsp?articleId=7d8c29330080043§ionId=60
So,
Fox should use Watchmen money to pay Rankin/Bass!
That’s what I say…
January 8th, 2009 at 12:57 am
It’s anal, I know, but there’s no ‘The’ in the title.
January 7th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
I mean hypothetically of course, my mother is a goddamn saint…
January 7th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
I would add that if ones mother keeps bringing men home on the first date does that make said mother a whore?
January 7th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
So does this whole situation make it easier to justify pirating a copy of the movie? I mean now the hypothetical pirate will be stealing from Fox rather than WB…not that anyone really cares in the end. But would you sleep better knowing that you robbed from conniving rich bastards rather than hard-working rich bastards?
Does Fox at least get points for working smarter not harder?
Does one company acting within their rights to screw another company make it morally justified to screw the first company outside the law?
How many dicks are in an acre?
I have so many questions.
If snorting sour-patch kids powder hurts so much, why can’t I stop?
January 7th, 2009 at 6:42 am
Maybe Fox intended to buy bacon, but all it bought was dicks.
January 7th, 2009 at 4:01 am
That was FUCKING AWESOME. Best analogies ever.
January 7th, 2009 at 1:40 am
[...] I doubt Warners is entirely blameless in all this, but I point my fat chubby finger at Fox and I’m not the only one. [...]
January 6th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
Dear Mr. O’Brian, love the passion and all the dicks (big fan) but if someone wise and powerful like say: batman, jesus or count chocula had pulled the aforementioned ‘dick move’ we would instead be praising their wise and powerfullishness…so while I love the enthusiasm, I would like to point out that the validity of the article seems to rely heavily on the fact that Rupert Murdoch (kinda sweet name) does indeed look like a sea monster who may or may not have inappropriately touched a child or two in his time. This is America after all (cue the hymnal) our great nation she was built on exactly these dick moves (didn’t we grab the isle of Manhattan for like 13 fur coats or something, I don’t remember I’m not a doctor) again funny article and I certainly hope the watchmen, undoubtedly the greatest graphic novel of all time is done justice, however WB was the sucker here, a poker player who just realizes they’ve been trapped but already have to much money in the pot to get rid of their hand, pretty brilliant actually…anyways, personally I think this is just karmic justice for canceling the Wayans Bros.
January 6th, 2009 at 4:30 am
Brilliant, accurate, and very true.
On a tangent, however, now seems like an excellent time to have a bacon and egg muffin.
January 6th, 2009 at 12:19 am
I had the understanding that WB owned the rights to the DC characters, so in reality, they shouldn’t need Fox’s permission.
Or maybe I was informed wrong…but the point is still that Fox should eat some dicks.
January 5th, 2009 at 10:07 pm
“With an acre of dicks in their mouth…” Hahahahaha =)
January 5th, 2009 at 11:55 am
Wow, dick move right there, which is perhaps the criterea for requiring a mass dick eating.
January 5th, 2009 at 8:52 am
DOB - Regular reader, wish you’d write more. Very much my kind of humor.
Written comically or not, you’re clearly pretty upset over this whole deal, so, my condolences and a /hug your way.
PS - Do you think they’ll choke to death on the dicks, or just suffer more brain damage from a lack of oxygen?
PPS - Does rotten meat moulded to like a human being HAVE a brain?
January 5th, 2009 at 3:38 am
i have no idea who are, but this makes me wish you had an acre of dicks, so i could eat them.
January 5th, 2009 at 3:38 am
You are currently aware that Zack Snyder has essentially raped the text, aren’t you?
January 5th, 2009 at 2:00 am
@silver-fox
While I do agree with what you’ve said, the same thing can be said at fox, why did it take them, what, 18, 19 months, to make up their mind to sue Warner Brothers, potentially longer if the production/writing/casting etc… had been going on longer in ’secret’.
Simple fact is, Fox new WB was making a movie, they waited till there was a massive hype for it ( if one was going to build to ensure they got lots of money out of the law suit.) Once they deemed the law suit worth the expenditure they got WB to sign over distribution rights, which ensures fox a boatload of money for absolutely nothing. While it is a great business move, you have to wonder why the MPAA Doesn’t step in and sue Fox for stealing profits from the actors who will lose tonnes of money to Fox over this… Screw Pirating, it’s shady business deals like this that are screwing actors.
I hope that all the money from the theaters goes to WB/Actors/Actresses, and the sales of DVD’s goes to Fox, if that’s the case, I highly encourage everyone to go see the movie in theatres, and download a copy to watch on your computer. More for the guys who did the work, less for the guys munching dicks.
January 5th, 2009 at 1:18 am
I’ve got to say silver-Fox is completely right. While I see your point–Fox should have spoken up much sooner–it’s still on Warner Bros. Securing the rights should have been their first move. It’s what they would have done if no one had purchased them yet.
January 5th, 2009 at 12:37 am
Yes, it is a totally bitch ass move by fox…and as much as I hate bitch assness, the point of all this is that, Warner bros set themselves up for failure. The studio has been in business longer then my grandparents have been alive, and yet not a single person over there had the insight and the forethought to sit back and think….”hmmm, Fox might sue us if we do this”. That is a STUPID ass move on their part, period. And you can be mad at FOX all damn day long…but the real idiots here are the execs at Warner Bros who have been running a business for years, know the politics of business and the politics of the film industry and still decided to think that they can do whatever the fuck they want to. Sorry it don’t work like that. So I do agree, Fox can eat dicks til they choke, but only if you chop the dicks off of the execs at Warner bros and have them feed their bloody severed anatomy to the Fox execs with their own hands, cuz essentially that’s what they have already done themselves.
January 4th, 2009 at 10:59 pm
I LOVE YOU!!!!! You are absolutely correct and I agree with you 100%!
And now I’m craving a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwhich.
January 4th, 2009 at 10:21 pm
freaking yes. this made me laugh really hard/get more pissed about this whole situation. loved it.
January 4th, 2009 at 8:31 pm
Thanks, DOB. Just, thanks. You’ve given me a rallying cry against the cyborg that is Rupert Murdoch.
Seriously, he’s a cyborg. Thing about it- look at the pic up there, then think about his complete lack of emotions. He’s got to be a cyborg. Surely.
January 4th, 2009 at 8:30 pm
I forgot that Rupert Murdoch owns 20th Century Fox. Now that I remember that, I’m not really surprised.
January 4th, 2009 at 5:34 pm
Well said.
January 4th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
And that’s it.
January 4th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
………………..I love you.
January 4th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
[...] king of television simple thoughts and discussion about television « Holiday Hiatus Looking forward to Watchmen? You must read this. January 4, 2009 This is one of the best posts I have read in a long time. [...]
January 4th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
Poetic, passionate and a literary snap shot of the watchmen aficionado zeitgeist at the moment.
I take my hate of to you sir.
January 4th, 2009 at 11:38 am
“It’s a business and that how businesses work” argument implies that our society is a static thing that never changed ever ever and was handed to us that way with rules and systems made of solid titanium.
It’s not.
January 4th, 2009 at 10:50 am
here, here DOB!
January 4th, 2009 at 4:38 am
adsafsdf, you are a retard. Don’t try to deny it.
January 4th, 2009 at 3:57 am
[...] Read the whole article here… [...]
January 4th, 2009 at 3:45 am
person who wrote this is a little cry baby fox is a bbussiness and theyre out to make moeny and thats what they did warner bros shudnt of made a movie when they knew fox had the rights to it article writer go diaf
January 4th, 2009 at 2:59 am
i fucking love this
January 3rd, 2009 at 9:27 pm
FOX, WHY DON’T YOU JUST RIDE A WAGON FULL OF DICKS STRAIGHT UP MY ASS?!
January 3rd, 2009 at 3:37 pm
My freind your blog has twanged my heartstrings and has lit up my rage meter and for that i say this FOX EAT ALL THE DICKS BY ACRE METER NAD CENTIMETER I HATE YOU STUPID BASTARDS FIRST YOU SHIT ALL UP ON DRAGONBALL THEN YOU DO THIS BITCH ASS MOVE OF STEALING YES IT IS NOTHING BUT THEFT OF A BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF CULTURALLY IMPORTNT ART AS THE WATCHMAN I HOPE YOU BITCHES EAT SHIT AND DIE
January 3rd, 2009 at 2:48 pm
Whoa. Dicks by the acre. A fitting punishment, I suppose, for a dick move of biblical proportions. Now we sit back, relax, and watch DOB’s swift and terrible wrath rain down upon Fox, one dick at a time.
January 3rd, 2009 at 2:06 pm
Oh my god this letter is pure comedy gold and it says everything I wanted to say.
From the bottom of my heart, DOB….THANK YOU.
January 3rd, 2009 at 1:56 pm
ALL the dicks.
January 3rd, 2009 at 12:55 pm
we should thank this fine citizen for being the voice of the voiceless.
January 3rd, 2009 at 12:29 pm
Well said.
And I mean that sincerely.
Just fucking awesome.
HAUNTED
The School of Jeffrey Dean Morgan
http://jdmschool.wordpress.com/
January 3rd, 2009 at 11:37 am
Well, it just goes to show you that if you can’t produce, steal. And apparently, crime _does_ pay
–H
January 3rd, 2009 at 7:27 am
You know…just thinking about the concept of character rape, Allan Moore, and the League of Extrodinary Gentleman.
The league of course was Moore’s shall we say reimagining of several public domain literary characters, that would no doubt be called rape by those who truly loved and obsessed on those characters.
Now Moore happily sells off his prized creations to be reimagined by other authors and artists, and yet many cry foul.
The genre of graphic fiction is a continueing tale of successive writes adding and changing and puting their own mark on characters, through books, movies, etc.
The X-Men of the movies were not the X-Men of Lee & Kirby or any other writer & Artist who took over book, but neither was the other books being published at the time.
With regard to Allan Moore, it is all the more ironic that people feel his reinterpretation is not being properly handled, since Moore career has been made up almost entirely of reinterpreting other peoples works.
Even the Watchmen are based on charactes from I believe an old Super Hero Line from Archie comics that D.C. had recently purchased before Moore came on to write Watchmen.
The genre is fairly incestuous from the start, so you really can’t complain that someone else interprets a work differntly. You should just wait for the next author to reboot the characters back to a more appealing form.
January 3rd, 2009 at 1:48 am
[...] making up the story, and depending how things break in coming days/weeks, I might be posting something similar. No [...]
January 2nd, 2009 at 11:47 pm
I have never posted a comment on cracked although I read many of the articles that appear here.
the epic hilarity that is the end of this article I left deserve adulation.
DOB this is your Sistine Chapel
January 2nd, 2009 at 10:02 pm
Just wanted you to know that Fox has caved to your demands and is now, as I write this, eating my dick. It’s not all of them, but it’s a great start. A great start.
January 2nd, 2009 at 6:07 pm
So I just read more than enough seemingly tearful complaints about this adaptation, these complaints based on two - and only two - premeses. 1) zach snyder is a “fratboy” “hack” and 2) alan moore is a god, who need be defended endlessly, even at the expense of many a fan’s personal dignity and self-respect.
let me say something: once an artist creates their art and then decides to mass distribute it in a commercial publication, it doesn’t belong to them anymore. whatever alan moore says about a film adaptation doesn’t mean dick, other than the fact that it’s the person who wrote watchmen saying it. it’s given no more credence than that. granted, i have my own suspicion and hesitance regarding snyder’s direction with the movie, but that’s not a piggyback on moore’s opinions, that’s stems simply from my experience and reaction to the series. if alan moore was personally promoting the movie and urging everyone to PLEASE go see the movie, i would have the same reluctance i do now. in other words, ones opinion should be created directly from their experience with a piece of art/entertainment, and should not parrot the artists views. watchmen is nothing if not millions of personal experiences and reactions to it. i’m reserving judgment, but i am going to see it. i love the series, and am curious, and that’s all.
that said, why is no one mentioning dave gibbons’ apparent excitement and extensive involvement? or is a he relegated to hack/sell out status immediately for even being involved? if i understand how a comic is - and in particular, how this comic was- created, it is a collaboration. gibbons opinion is just as meaningless to me moores, but i just think it’s funny how little credit he’s getting for the series by way of the lack of co-opting his views on the adaptation.
January 2nd, 2009 at 12:27 pm
[...] o sentimento de um fã em relação à isso tudo, foi publicado pelo Daniel O’Brien do site Cracked. Está em inglês, mas vale a pena. [...]
January 2nd, 2009 at 12:20 pm
Have to agree with every word here. The amount of corporate greed pervading the news and economy right now it staggeringly sickening! Keep spreading the truth!!
January 2nd, 2009 at 11:46 am
look on the bright side Fox cant commint character rape again, If you have seen Xmen you know what i am talking about
January 2nd, 2009 at 6:57 am
Of course shouldn’t Warner Brothers have secured the rights to the book before they started production?
I mean isn’t that what you do before you make a movie?
So really, this isn’t a dick move by fox, it’s a petard move by Warner.
Warner was petarded not to realize that they had sold the rights to someone else, and didn’t resolve this outstanding legal issue prior to production. As such they deserve to be hoisted by their petard for being such petards to begin with.
You can say Fox is a dick for wanting the cut they paid for, but really the fault is Warner Brothers’ not theirs.
January 2nd, 2009 at 3:26 am
Wow. That guy writes one helluva letter.
January 2nd, 2009 at 2:55 am
any fan of Alan Moore’s work in their right mind wouldn’t be having a hard-on about a movie made by Zack Fucking Snyder. any intelligent being in their right mind wouldn’t be excited about anything Zack Fucking Snyder does.
the guy’s a talentless hack who only knows how to put comicbook panels on the big screen. any graphic design student is able to do that too.
to tell a complex human story? that would take infinitely more than anything Zack Fucking Snyder can handle.
January 2nd, 2009 at 2:20 am
Real Watchmen fans respect the comic in its format, most comic efficienados care more about respecting the creators wishes than making money. Only little faggy ass bitches would support a great comic being ruined, specificcally against the writer (ALAN FUCKING MOORE)’ wishes.
January 2nd, 2009 at 1:09 am
Epic
January 2nd, 2009 at 12:40 am
Fuckin’ a.
January 2nd, 2009 at 12:30 am
The world needs more writers such as yourself
January 1st, 2009 at 10:02 pm
Awesome article.
I have an idea.
In the ultimate retaliation to Foxs dick move, Warner bros should release the movie for free…
That’s right, free. As in beer free.
Yes they’ll lose a bundle, but it will definitely and 100% make the world know that Fox is a dick and they won’t stand for dickery.
January 1st, 2009 at 9:58 pm
I love you DOB. rock on.
only pet-peeve: Watchmen. Not “the” Watchmen. Just “Watchmen”.
Other than that, yes. Awesome. A million thumbs up.
January 1st, 2009 at 9:13 pm
Starving Man: Are you going to eat that sandwich?
Fox: No
Starving Man: Can I eat it? I’m starving.
Fox: No
Starving Man: What are you going to do with that sandwich anyway?
Fox: I think I’ll keep it in a box in the attic.
Starving Man: But the sandwich will go bad.
Fox: I don’t care, it’s my sandwich.
Starving Man: That’s a dick move.
Fox: Perhaps, but it is legal.
January 1st, 2009 at 8:08 pm
First I’d like to say that you, Daniel O’Brien, are the fucking man. Additionally, you are correct, and the fucking man. Ahem.
Fox has repeatedly and in ways becoming decreasingly kinky and increasingly outright perverse shafted everyone involved in everything that is right with the world, including people they have no right to be involved with in the first place and their customers themselves. Rupert Murdoch can suck my balls twice, then cry on them, then suck the tears off bringing the totally magnitude of ball-suckage to three, and yea shall that become a holy number.
Fuck Fox, because the revolution will not be televised, it will be presented in glorious HD with THX sound in a sticky theater occupied by me and mine, and we shall sigh contentedly with sated balls and a soon to be sated collective psyche.
Again, you sir are the fucking man. Take care.
January 1st, 2009 at 7:56 pm
I’ve never laughed so hard about dicks
my favorite are the last few lines
January 1st, 2009 at 7:16 pm
Hell hath no fury like a fanboy scorned. After Fox is finished eating all the dicks I think they should get started on the testicles as well.
January 1st, 2009 at 5:33 pm
Your my fucking hero, we all need to call fox costumer service on one day, back up their phone lines, and complain how we hate what they’re doing to make money off of watchmen
January 1st, 2009 at 4:26 pm
If you google “eat all the dicks” you will get (as of 4:30 p.m., Jan 1) over 2,000 hits!
Go, Dan!!!
Fiona
January 1st, 2009 at 3:21 pm
[...] Daniel O’Brien, uno de los colaboradores del portal de cine Cracked.com, que ha escrito una carta abierta a los dirigentes de la Fox con este escueto mensaje: Querida Fox, Cómete todas las pollas, con cariño [...]
January 1st, 2009 at 2:39 pm
hey, i know fox did something bad, but that something is comparable to stealing a dime from the floor of a gas station. it has nothing to do with you, so shut up. you and all the blue genetal fans out there will get your dopey movie, and i will watch also. because i liked the look of that burlap faced dude
January 1st, 2009 at 6:03 am
Wait. So when you say “eat several dicks” do you mean anyone’s in particular, as retribution? Or are you telling them they should be soft core prison bitches, or orally horny and cannibalistic?
And then you say eat ALL the dicks? All as in the entire population? Every male who took part in making the movie? Or do you have a dick-filled truck to deliver to their front gate, with “Eat them all!” spray painted on the front? Followed by a second and third truck since they’ll never be enough?
And what kind of insult is that, to tell them to eat all the dicks? Is it the food/organ of ultimate failure? Or making “dickhead” more literal and gross?
(all this said, I liked the article. I assume this means you don’t need to eat any dicks, but are free to do so if you so choose)
January 1st, 2009 at 5:00 am
I guess Mr. Mousehands had a few minutes, in between drowning kittens and raping old women, to bait some Watchmen fans.
January 1st, 2009 at 3:19 am
The level of excitement and fan comment about a fairly interesting comic book that’s being made into a lackluster-looking movie speaks volumes about the vacuity of fans and “new media”, more than anything.
Rupert wants to make money from fanboy squee. Fanboy squee is the future of entertainment. Rupert will drive down costs and maximise profits, including rigidly protecting intellectual rights that you would pay good money to see filmed, where ever there are megabucks to be made.
Simply by generating another hyperbole-filled memetic rant you do Rupert’s bidding, by creating more web traffic and chatter.
Watchmen cannot be filmed: as its author Alan Moore says. Its structure and multi-viewpoint narrative cannot be shoehorned into a blockbuster filmed narrative format.
But people under the age of forty will go totally apeshit, like it’s Christ almighty himself starring in Citizen Kane to a score by Mozart and with the credits hand drawn in angel blood by Frank Lloyd Wright, or something. Exactly the same way they did over the Dark Knight movie, which was a dreary, portentous gloomfest burdening characters designed in the 30s to entertain kiddies with some kind of Nietzchean cosmic struggle, by way of a morality play about the War on Terror.
I’m looking forwards to Casper the Friendly Ghost tackling the thorny question of Turkish denial of the Armenian Massacre, and Koko the Clown hunting for the truth about WMD proliferation in Pakistan.
Let Watchmen stay as a comic book. An interesting comic book, that means a lot to many people, but is not War and Peace and certainly doesn’t warrant being spoiled by being cut down to a movie-length display of pyrotechnics and CGI.
If you -really- want to be an Alan Moore fanboy why not read some of the quality novels that he keeps name dropping in his work. Borges’ ‘Aleph’ would be a good start. And just don’t worry about this unnecessary and - by the looks of it - overly reverential treatment of a property that should simply be left alone.
Comic. Book. Clue’s in the name. Leave it as that.
(And not ‘graphic novel’. Watchmen is a tremendous piece of work: as a comic book. It’s not Flaubert and its not trying to be. It’s an art work specific to the media it was designed for).
January 1st, 2009 at 3:06 am
[...] looking forward to Watchmen until Fox moved to block its release and a judge backed their claim (Really, Judge Whoever? Are you Rupert Murdoch’s bitch?). It’s not like Warner Bros made a big secret out of shooting the movie. It’s not like [...]
December 31st, 2008 at 10:45 pm
[...] VENGEFUL ARTICLE [...]
December 31st, 2008 at 7:16 pm
Toadled
I just have to say, your comment was fuckin brilliant :D. I laughed, did the old goathorns \m/ and generaly approved almost as much as with the article. I have to add though, theres plenty of those kids in mississippi and arkansas too.
December 31st, 2008 at 6:25 pm
O’Brien! Fantastic article. I totally agree with you. The opportunistic, under-handed, stick-it-to-you actions of Corporate America (in all sectors of arts/entertainment/music) are fucking ridiculous.
I hope they ALL eat acres and acres and acres of dick, too.
December 31st, 2008 at 5:20 pm
You make it sound in your article as if fox swooped in last minute to take a bite out of potential profits when infact, letigation has been on going for almost 2 years now.
December 31st, 2008 at 3:07 pm
Dude, Studio Cop, you are so wrong…
December 31st, 2008 at 1:57 pm
I think that Murdoch should play Davros when he returns next in Dr Who. Look at the photo he both thinks and looks like Davros.
http://www.stevey.biz/live/uploads/Davros.jpg
December 31st, 2008 at 12:48 pm
Whilst I agree with the sentiment about Fox - who ARE fucktards - why the homophobia? Or it it too easy to denigrate a sizeable chuck of the population to score a cheap point?
December 31st, 2008 at 11:15 am
absolutely priceless, pished meself laughin, well not really but almost…..that is pure shit what fox done, its business tho and thats what business people are like, doesnt matter if its the head of dominos pizzas or fox studios.
December 31st, 2008 at 5:02 am
Simply Awesome……
December 31st, 2008 at 4:12 am
Fox is full of dicks. Just look at their cable news channel. Bill O’Reilly all that bullshit they spread. Oh, yeah, I would like to give Megyn Kelly a bit of my d***.
December 31st, 2008 at 4:02 am
Daniel,
If I had more than zero dollars and zero cents, I’d love to have you write for my site. Rarely do I legitimately lough out loud when reading, but you had me with:
“Stop using that mouth of yours to whine, and get started on all these dicks you need to be eating.”
Bravo.
December 31st, 2008 at 12:51 am
What Fox did was legal.
However, it was not ethical.
This case goes to show just how broken this country’s copyright laws are. If you don’t do anything with a franchise in twenty years, you clearly are not still attempting to make profit on it and you clearly are not exercising your rights as an owner. You’ve defaulted, and it’s public domain.
You hear me, George Lucas?
December 30th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
Dylan needs to have a piping hot cup of “shut the fuck up”. “Tales Of The Black Freighter” is slated as a side project, to be released seperately, the interested into a mega-version of WATCHMEN. I’m surprised that someone that comes across as such a comics-know-it-all/asshole didn’t already know this. However, since he already hates a movie he hasn’t seen, I’ll point out the other obvious thing to him to pacify hi
like another dick in his mouth: TOTBF will probably not get made because of this lawsuit.
December 30th, 2008 at 10:33 pm
i think those dicks should be shoved up a few assholes before fox eats them, lets not forget fox is also responsible for the dragonball movie thats coming out as well…and whoever thinks thats gonna be a good movie should probably hit up fox for some of those dicks
December 30th, 2008 at 10:22 pm
::cheers:: THANK YOU DANIEL!!!!
December 30th, 2008 at 9:49 pm
I believe dicks are measured in “leagues”…
December 30th, 2008 at 8:06 pm
Ironically, you know who wouldn’t put up with this kind of bullshittery and would take action against Fox? Rorschach.
December 30th, 2008 at 7:59 pm
I’m just.. relived.
December 30th, 2008 at 7:57 pm
Oh and one more thing.
Eat all the dicks.
December 30th, 2008 at 7:55 pm
For reasons relating to my total lack of anything better to do, I’ve been reading a lot of the comments posted on this blog and I have to say… Really? You don’t have anything better to do than argue back and forth about irrelevant shit like typos and grammatical miscalculations in other people’s comments? This obviously demonstrates that you have less of life than I do, which is appalling on its own. Please, if you’re going to waste space on the internet, do it by uploading all the donkey shows that your mom puts on in your garage. At least then, the donkey show-watchers of the world can rejoice at your mother’s uncanny ability to deepthroat a barn animal. And let’s face it, she needs the exposure.
And for those of you slamming DOB, I put you several notches below the sons-of-donkey-suckers. There are educationally-starved children in Alabama who would kill to have the opportunity to read such an insightful and “dick-laden” article. To those of you who shame DOB’s literary excellence, I say “Go choke on a ham sandwich, you inconsiderate dick sneeze.” DOB, carry on, good sir. Carry on.
Seeing as how there are a lot of donkey shows currently taking place that desperately need my attention, I will leave you to your ridiculous grabassing. I can’t bitchslap you myself but Lord knows, I dearly await Apple’s new release, the iSlap. That way I can send a virtual hand through the Internet to the doorstep of your stupidity that is your computer screen, and smack the holy hell out of your retarded face.
Merry Christmas and a Happy “Go to Hell.” (I’ll admit I took that line from ‘House.’ Sue me, dipshits.)
December 30th, 2008 at 7:19 pm
just…
wonderful
December 30th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
Could this really be a ploy of Fox to reaquire the distribution rights of Batman the 70’s TV series?
December 30th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
haha. the last line is great.
December 30th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
i love you DOB.
December 30th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
[...] - Daniel O’Brien [...]
December 30th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
If you want to do almost nothing about this… visit this website to sign a petition.
http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/FOXBoycott
December 30th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
Sometimes the law fails to uphold justice. Sometimes Rupert Murdoch and other motherfuckers like him just need to be thrown down an elevator shaft. The law might still be on his side, but sometimes the law needs to be thrown down an elevator shaft as well.
December 30th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
My guess? The Fox execs used dark magic to peer into the future twenty years ago and then realized that buying Watchmen then would allow a great opportunity to make a dick move.
December 30th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
Fucking awesome response. Couldn’t have said it better.
But, sadly, does this REALLY surprise anyone? While I agree wholeheartedly that Fox and all of it’s subsidiary corporations should in fact eat ALL of the aforementioned dicks, the truly disgusting part of this whole sordid affair is that in this day and age it really doesn’t even shock me. I am so desensitized to boundless corporate greed and capitalistic excess that the most severe response such a story can elicit from me is a mumbled “that sucks” while I click to the next e-mail.
Death, where is thy sting…
December 30th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Woouurblb..lblgu…blsliiug, whoowhollbwhong!
December 30th, 2008 at 8:51 am
Maybe, but Fox owns the rights to the Movie
December 30th, 2008 at 8:47 am
what do you expect from a company owned and ran by republitards? The entire buisness mantra by these idiots is “make all the money for someone else’s work”. And to the reply by FAUX oops I mean FOX themselve’s, 14.4 mill on a childrens, CHILDRENS movie dosent constitute a blockbuster or even a hit for that matter. Bring back the days when fox stood for standing up to the very people that run it now.
December 30th, 2008 at 7:54 am
I read somewhere that DC comics is owned by WB so wouldn’t that mean that technically WB owns the rights to watchmen?
December 30th, 2008 at 7:09 am
I am no idea what you look like, but this makes me (as a female) want to shag you right now.
December 30th, 2008 at 6:25 am
Haha, Chris said “who will guard the guards” in Latin.
…what a dork.
December 30th, 2008 at 4:44 am
I’m sorry if this was mentioned, but I don’t feel like reading all the comments to check. It’s not a simple matter of “WB made Watchmen even though Fox had the rights.” What happened was that the Watchmen rights were sol to a guy whose name I cannot remember. He then partnered with FOX to make it, but it never happened because Fox sucks. There was a clause in their contract that stated that under certain circumstances the rights would revert entirely back to that guy. When he thought the circumstances had occurred he sold the rights to WB. But Fox decided that whatever the obscure circumstances was hadn’t happened, or that it only covered production because some fucktard with a law degree had managed to forget to put a similar clause in the contract with regards to distribution rights, or some shit like that. The courts then sided with Fox.
December 30th, 2008 at 3:50 am
Respect for your thoughts brother.
December 30th, 2008 at 3:21 am
I have no desire to read through 470+ comments so just in case this has yet to be mentioned:
They’ve done every thing within their power to ruin Nathan Fillion’s career.
They ran the Alien And predator franchise into the dirt.
They made Joss Whedon cry.
Those motherfuckers canceled Firefly.
And now this opportunistic BS.
I don’t care how lawful their actions were, all they’ve done is crap on everything good and wholesome for the past several years.
Them motherfuckers need to eat all the dicks.
December 30th, 2008 at 3:11 am
@RySenkari: So, more or less everything I said went right over your head, neh?
My deepest apologies for attempting a bit of logic and civil, mature discourse in a comment thread. Clearly I have forgotten my place; only dick and fart jokes are appropriate here.
December 30th, 2008 at 2:27 am
Dear Dan O’Brien,
Marley & Me grossed $14.4 million on Christmas day.
Please accept the enclosed acre of dicks as our formal apology for again wielding our giant gnarled corporate cock of greed.
Sincerely,
20th Century Fox Entertainment
December 30th, 2008 at 2:01 am
Quis custodiet ipsos custodes ..
03.06.09
December 30th, 2008 at 1:04 am
Here’s what I don’t get, how is it that the WB made the movie without the rights in the first place? Do they assume they own the intellectual property to everything? Some seriously screwed up to allow this movie to be made in the first place. Did they hope Fox wouldn’t notice?
December 30th, 2008 at 12:41 am
Awesome, I have yet another reason to hate Fox. So, now all thats left for fox (in my eyes) are The Sarah Connor Chronicles and… thats it. Well, there is FSC, but I can find other ways to watch soccer.
December 29th, 2008 at 11:23 pm
Fox, save some of those dicks for Wraithfighter to eat too.
December 29th, 2008 at 10:00 pm
Amen, DOB. A-fucking-men.
3/6/09
December 29th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
Bugger, hit “submit” too early.
Continued:
The court case completed in December, several months after being filed, and rules in favor of hte people clearly in the legal right.
People blame Fox, who were only protecting their property, rather than WB or the people who actually made the movie, who could have cleared this up 9 months ago.
…
Yeah.
December 29th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
So, let me get this straight:
Fox legally purchases the right to make and distribute a film version of Watchmen, but does not because they can’t find a good script or director or they just figured it wouldn’t do well.
WB knows Fox owns the rights.
The producer purchases the right to make, but not distribute, a film version of Watchmen.
Watchmen gets made.
While it is being made, Fox notifies WB and the makers that they still own the rights to distribute it, and no one’s purchased said rights from them. They file a lawsuit to this effect back in February, when no one’s really paying attention to it.
Movie is finished. Lawsuit isn’t settled.
Trailers come out. Fanboys, erm, “await with eager anticipation
December 29th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
It’s like reading poetry. Bravo DOB, bravo.
December 29th, 2008 at 7:02 pm
[...] Who watches out for the Watchmen? Some of you may be familiar with the legal shitstorm brewing over the upcomming release of the Watchmen. You see, Fox had the distribution rights once upon a time, but 20 years later Warner Bros has actually gone ahead and made the fim. Fox was well aware, it wasn’t a well kept secret. They sat, watched, waited, and now with the Watchmen approaching release they’ve suddenly stepped up and said “Hey no!”. Fox is now asking to halt the release of the film. It’s what I like to call bullshit. Legally I’m sure Fox has every right to do what they’re doing, but it seems to me that there’s an issue here of Fox taking advantage of this situation. To me it’s like a Trademark, in order to keep a trademark one must actively persue and prevent others from infringing on it. If you don’t, your trademark lapses and you’ve waived your legal right through lack of action. It seems to me that Fox has forfeited their claim on distribution rights to this project by waiting so long to make any attempts to prevent its production or release, but that’s just me. I think Dan put it best: Fox, eat all the dicks. [...]
December 29th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
I didn’t have any respect for them in the first place… FOX sucks… Their news sucks hard and their movies suck even harder… They have to steal from Warner Brothers (which I will remind you brought us The Dark Knight) and they are going to take money away from them… a movie production company that actually invests in GOOD movies… I don’t understand it and I probably never will…
December 29th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
lol. this was a fan-fucking-tastic read. i’ll go buy a cracked mag for the effort.
December 29th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
P.S. -
Fox, please save a little room for a couple more dicks for canceling Futurama and Arrested Development. What, no room in your dick-filled mouths? Alright, those two can go into your nostrils.
December 29th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
i personally don’t care who sues who and who gets money or doesn’t. i don’t even really care if the people that worked on this get any money because most of them are rich fucks anyway (richer than any of us). moore didn’t even want anything to do with this project.. fox sucks. but so does wb. the important thing in all of this is that watchmen was finally brought to the masses. people RAN to the stores to buy the comic. i hope the movie is good, but even if it sucks, the world will still be a better place because more people will have READ watchmen.
December 29th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
Yo, Fox.
Since you’ll never be done choking on all the dicks DOB is force-feeding you I have no choice but to simultaneously force-feed you even more for shit-canning Space: Above and Beyond.
Fuck you very much with a rusty claw-hammer you worthless fucktards.
December 29th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
If the movie sucks, comic book fans will still enjoy comic books. If it doesn’t suck, maybe more people will go out and buy Watchmen and become comic book fans.
All the media attention has probably shot up the graphic novel’s sales, and possibly for other Alan Moore graphic novels as well. That’s a definite positive.
In the end I don’t think it matters on a large scale whether the movie sucks or not, unless you’re more concerned with being seen as “cool” for liking Watchmen, in which case you missed the point anyways. Of course I’m hoping the movie doesn’t suck, but that’s purely for selfish reasons.
And of course, I hate Fox, and not just because of this dick move. For all the amazing shows they canceled because they didn’t stoop to the American Idol crowd, for their religious-right propaganda “news” channel, for keeping Bill O’Reilly employed for more than 2 seconds….
December 29th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
You can hear the fanboys’ heads compressing because they know if they talk shit about the movie, they’re indirectly agreeing with Fox screwing them…and they don’t want that, do they?
December 29th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
Hannah Montana named Fox after her satanic left labia.
December 29th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
Fox is a terrorist organization.
My group of friends are forever avoiding all of their shows and movies because of their terrible leadership and evil-hearted decision making over the years.
December 29th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
Excuse me, but moral and ethical imperatives are not universal. What is right in one person’s eyes is wrong in another’s.
You cannot force your ethics on other people and corporations. There is no such thing as a “universal good” no matter how much you think you are god in your opinions- because that’s all they are “opinions”.
However, anyone can post on a blog, or a messageboard with a huge ego and state that all of their “opinions” are “facts”.
So in reality, EVERYONE can EAT A DICK. Because human morality is not a McDonald’s franchise with the same friggin’ menu.
McDick’s for all.
December 29th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
First off….FOX has every right to sue and win..they legally own the rights.
let me put it this way….You (meaning you the reader) worked a long time to make the money to buy a kick butt car/video game console/house/remote control car/something of value to you. Now, whether this thing has value to you because it is something you want, or something you want to make money off of, is legally not important, what is important is that you created wealth and spent it on retaining the item you desired.
Now, for the argument. lets say this item is the most expensive Playstation ever…and you worked hard on earning the cash for it, in fact you and your Mom and your brother mowed lawns for it and even your sister turned a few tricks to get the cash together ( I am trying to hit the main demographic of this article with something they will directly relate to).Now say I, Joe schmoo next door come over and take away from you, and then I sell it and make money…and you never got to play with it , or even reap the benefits of it.
That’s kinda what WB has done to FOX. Not exactly and really simplified, but more or less sorta what happened.
Now, I won’t argue FOX ,should as has been so eloquently “eat all manner of dick”, there is plenty of reason for FOX to do that.But not for this one. They are in the right,so to speak, and WB was mind numbingly stupid on this one.
FOX is famous for not being a good home to creative projects, and has issues with its news services ( I am sorry Rupert if you say your NEWS service is a conservative news service it isn’t news…its entertainment, and while all journalists are biased one way or the other..the idea of journalism is to try and just say the facts,mam) and perhaps FOX had issues with the material it found itself owning and did not want to publish it ( which makes them jerk wads, but well within their rights). WB could and should have pursued the rights,but did not.
In conclusion and to summarize,I won’t argue that FOX is a bunch of idiots who will be the first against the wall when the revolution comes, but WB was stealing, they knew they were stealing, and somehow thought that their competitor would do nothing about it.FOX, smartly, decided, since it was being ignored,to play their cards as best they could, by making WB pay for the production and advertising of the movie ( which can sometimes double the cost) and hit them with a lawsuit timed to maximize FOX profits,and perhaps punish WB for not recognizing Fox’s properties.
Please remember, before you give it to FOX for this one, place yourself is FOX’s place for a minute,
December 29th, 2008 at 11:27 am
A FOX:
Coman mi grande, venuda y erecta monda!
December 29th, 2008 at 10:47 am
Fox saw a huge pile of ca$h for doing nothing … They jumped at the opportunity … Smart business decision
However, they should still eat a pile of shit covered cocks
December 29th, 2008 at 10:31 am
I hereby offer my dick as a sacrifice to be used to feed a mouth at Fox. Great story. Fuck you Fox.
December 29th, 2008 at 7:58 am
I would not give a cock to anyone in Fox since i find that to be to high a praise.
I would shit in a plate and make them eat that instead.
December 29th, 2008 at 7:57 am
Oh, one other thing, Dylan. Fuck you for making me defend the director of 300.
December 29th, 2008 at 7:47 am
I actually bought watchmen a few months ago ( having heard how great it was over the previous 20 years or so ) and thought it wasn’t a bad story except for the retarded physics ( I am ok with whatshisname, the blue guy, doing all kinds of stuff as he is superhuman, but the freaking gay owl-mobile was ridiculous ). I am now intrigued as to how crapular the movie will be since it is based on the best story available. All the other comic-book films have been dismal, will watchmen be less dismal or will it prove that hollywood can only produce rubbish, no matter what the original inspiration is?
December 29th, 2008 at 7:40 am
Hey, Dylan. Read 300. Go do it. Right now. Come back and read the rest of this when you’re done cryvomiting. See, the truth is, 300 the movie and 300 the comic book? They’re exactly the same. The thing is, Frank Miller’s works are all completely mind blowing, or they’re crap. 300 really IS crap, through and through. And people eat that shit up.
And you know what ‘contemporary’ means? Here’s a hint: it doesn’t mean anything close to political. What Snyder means is that it’s not appropriate for a story set in the 80’s to not be set in the 80’s. And are you honestly telling me you disagree with that? Is that what you are trying to say?
Now, look, I’m not saying I’m thinking Watchmen won’t lose anything. Watchmen, in its entirety, is unfilmable. But we’ve got the best Watchmen script ever written, (there are several old ones; go find them and find out how much better this is going to be) to the point where even Alan Moore grudgingly admits that it isn’t utter shit, which is as good as a sobbing testimonial about how wonderful it is from any other author.
Look, I’m not hoping for a perfect adaptation, but you’ve got to look into things a little more than you have (and probably buy a dictionary) before you write it all off. This won’t be perfect, it really won’t. But we’re going to get something that’s still staggeringly more complicated than any superhero movie yet released, we’re still going to watch Rorschach kill a guy with a toilet, and we’re going to see Dr. Manhattan’s blue genitals flopping about on the big screen. And it will be glorious.
December 29th, 2008 at 7:01 am
Zack Snyder is completely unfit for the task of adapting this work. Watchmen is one of the greatest graphic novels ever written for fuck’s sake. I don’t care if that’s cliche.
Watchmen will completely lose its artistic and intellectual vision at the hands of this cretin frat boy motherfucker whose only claim to fame is a zombie movie, 300, and some fucking beer commercials. Not to mention the comic’s political message. Zachary says making it contemporary”is not really appropriate”. The fuck? YOU weren’t appropriate ya half-literate fanboy. Go back to blue screen beat em ups and shit.
A critical masterpeice is being handed off to the leading fascist aesthetician of our day.
December 29th, 2008 at 6:56 am
Fox suck balls.
Any company that cancels Futurama (even if they do bring it back) are massive gay pricks and that is just the pinnacle on Fox’s epic mountain of gayness.
So, I join you, DOB, in the cry that Fox should eat ALL the dicks.
December 29th, 2008 at 6:13 am
you guys are all victim of media sensationalisim, you know that if you were to hear the whole story you would know that Fox did threaten legal action back when the movie was in pre-production, W.B. didn’t care. So then, why when this story is brought up is this not mentioned? because its not sensational enough by making fox out to be the bad guy here the media gets more attention/sales/site hits etc. so all you guys who are jumping on the fuck fox bandwagon, maybe you guys should go eat some shit, cause you’re all a bunch of hypocrites, you know damn well if someone went after somthing of yours you’d be just a bit upset.
December 29th, 2008 at 5:07 am
Hey there, Greg Ethically and Legally guy. Ethically, anything that can be freely copied must be. It consumes no resources of society to produce those extra copies, and it increases the well-being of some consumer of the product. Copying everything maximizes the amount of goodness in society. If you make something that is able to be freely copied, but you don’t want to give it away, you are harming society by using resources to create the thing, and then wasting those resources by reducing the number of people who can enjoy it. The (moral) crime is not the copying, it is (morally) a crime to create something copyable and then deprive society of its use.
The lawyers and politicians are controlled by the rich, so reform will never come from them. The laws will not be changed to punish those who try to steal from society by preventing copying. However, the public can do what the politicians won’t. Boycott paying for anything that could be easily duplicated. There are plenty of free alternatives, you don’t have to break the law. But if you keep rewarding people for stealing from society by copyrighting things, they will continue to do so and will use the money for lobbying and lawyers. Money is the blood that runs through their evil veins - cut off their money and the copyright fiends will wither and die.
December 29th, 2008 at 4:56 am
yeah, no. i can’t feel bad for multi million dollar companies and how badly they fucked up their legal woes. that movie will be released and it will make money and candy will rain down from the sky and i will smother the soles zack snyder’s feet with kisses no matter how many infected friction burns there may be.
December 29th, 2008 at 4:55 am
BoycottWatchmen, you are fucking retarded.
December 29th, 2008 at 4:51 am
Anyone who doesn’t agree with what Fox did, should refuse to see this movie in theaters and should instead watch it bootleg. And then, send money equivalent to one movie ticket directly to Warner Bros. That way, Fox doesn’t get its cut, but we still support what will probably be a quality movie.
December 29th, 2008 at 4:32 am
http://www.petitiononline.com/wwtww/petition.html
To: be sent to Warner Bros. Studio Executives, Zach Snyder, and Alan Moore
The Watchmen film is coming out and you are its target audience. Movie studios are banking on the fact that fans will shell out cash for a name they recognize, and that they won’t have to spare the product one modicum of dignity in order to snare your money. It’s time to send them a message that some comics simply don’t deserve the monumental disrespect that they will invariably be given on the big screen, The Watchmen being at the top of that list.
Send the most important message that a consumer and a comic fan can and boycott the Watchmen movie!
Long story:
There is a certain phenomenon that occurs in the American mind. Whenever a particularly salient form of entertainment rises to the top of its respective medium, a common phrase is always bandied about. “Boy, this is an engaging book. This television show is exciting. This video game has me enrapt. It sure would make a great movie!” When Jackson Pollack was destroying and rebuilding notions of art with the swing of his arm, he was hoping that his action paintings would translate into a pretty good action film. When Ray Charles was proving himself as quite ironically one of the most visionary musicians to ever live, he was sure to pepper his life with some hardships so it would make for a sellable screenplay. When the Biblical authors were presenting the story of Jesus, they tailored the character in the hopes that Willem Dafoe could be signed onto the project. It’s as if people are convinced that the end-all be-all form of artistic expression is film.
The reason for all of this is simple: the movie industry rakes in tens of billions of dollars a year. The profits of the Harry Potter novels, the most popular book series in several decades, still lag behind the profits of their movie counterparts. It took the Spider-Man of print forty years to make the same amount of money that the Spider-Man of film made in three days. A great idea might make you rich, but a mediocre movie of the same idea will make you richer, and boy do movie producers know that. In order to keep it that way, they spend exorbitant amounts of money on advertisements of all sorts to convince the consuming public that a movie is the final step, the last plateau to be reached by the creator and their property. After all is said and done, it amounts to a win-lose-lose situation. The movie industry wins an amount greater than the GDP of most countries by getting your warm body into a dark room. The creator very seldomly receives but a fraction of that money, all to the tune of seeing their brainchild be perverted into a dumbed-down explosion-fest. And you, the viewer, lose by being coerced into seeing a cherished icon be ground and packed into the movie format like meat into sausage casing.
For fans of sequential art, discussions about good comic book movies invariably become exercises in the process of elimination. The best comic book movie is the best because it wasn’t as bad as the rest. But, when all is said and done, it’s not like the distinction between good and evil here, yin and yang. The Punisher was featured in a few bad movies, but he was featured in a few bad comic books as well. Stupid, stilted dialogue said on film can probably be matched to stupid, stilted dialogue said on paper. The Ant Man movie is coming out soon. The corollary to that is: “who cares about Ant Man, honestly? They’re all just dumb, fun books and I’ll go to see a dumb, fun movie.” But what happens when the next comic book on the chopping block is the absolute farthest from dumb that you can get?
The Watchmen is viewed by most as the greatest comic book series ever. The criticisms of it only amount to its complexity, its forcing of comic books to “grow up,” and its boundary-breaking nature. To sum up, “it’s too good.” Now, I don’t want to get overly dramatic here, but this is the last frontier in comics. The Watchmen is, in all reality, the comic-to-movie Rubicon. Once this property is stomped all over and you’re left leaving the theater with a bad taste in your mouth and a sufficiently perforated soul, the quality of the next comic book movie won’t matter. After that no other comic will be sacred, no comic spared. “You hear they are going to make The Sandman movie with Jim Carrey as Morpheus?” “Yeah, and I wanted to get angry and write letters and stuff, but that Watchmen movie kinda knocked the wind out of me.”
You might be thinking to yourself that The Watchmen movie, while not being good for the diehard, will be a beacon for the non-fan. Once Maynard G. Muskievote wanders in looking for a weekend turn-off-your-brain popcorn-seller and is subsequently blown away by what comics can be, he’ll become a comic devotee in an instant, right? If anything, watching Daredevil and Fantastic Four makes me want to AVOID those comics. Just ask yourself what you would rather be saying to someone who might be a comic convert: “Yeah, I know the movie was dumb, but put that out of your mind and read the book. It won’t be as disappointing as watching the movie,” or simply “Read this book. It’s great.”
It might be too late to stop the movie from being released, but it’s not too late to send the message that there are a few things that the movie industry is simply not allowed to stick its meat hooks into. Preserve comics for comics’ sake and tell everyone you know to boycott The Watchmen movie.
“In a way, I’m glad because it wouldn’t have been up to the book.” –Dave Gibbons, artist of The Watchmen, upon the movie’s 2002 non-release
“I met Terry Gilliam, and he asked me, ‘How would you make a film of Watchmen?’ And I said, ‘Don’t.’” –Alan Moore, writer of The Watchmen
(Some of you might be concerned that I am begging the question of the concept of a Watchmen movie being inexorable from the concept of a BAD Watchmen movie. In a way, that doesn’t matter simply because Watchmen is made to be a comic. Alan Moore says “I didn’t design it to show off the similarities between cinema and comics, which are there, but in my opinion are fairly unremarkable. It was designed to show off the things that comics could do that cinema and literature couldn’t.” Anyone who claims they enjoy comics should understand that the instant the movie makes more money than the book is sending the message that “movies are always and without question better than the best comics, and I would rather see a movie than read a comic book any day of the week.” But still, there are those among you that feel it could still be the greatest comic movie ever and you are sacrificing your own enjoyment. For those I will add a loophole: if, after its release, Alan Moore endorses it as a quality film and a faithful adaptation that is dedicated to its source, feel free to see it. Better to wait on the only acceptable movie review than to take an unlikely gamble with your eight dollars, right?)
Sincerely,
The Undersigned
December 29th, 2008 at 4:08 am
it’s capitalism this is how it works you make money, if you let morals get in the way you lose, and then someone else makes money, if its wrong the only way to stop it is for the govt to get involved and that should only happen in the cases of REAL moral issues. and there are plenty! so why are we making such a big deal over a comic.
December 29th, 2008 at 3:24 am
Did you read the article, Greg? Did you, you douche?
Legally, yes. Fox is right. This fact is stated over 9000 times in the article.
As far as ethics goes, no, Fox is not right. Ethically, they should have blocked Warner Bros or sent a cease and desist order from the very beginning. They did not. They chose to wait until the movie was publicly announced via a trailer before acting. Additionally, they had no intentions of making this movie, as evidenced by holding the franchise for 20 years. This is the point of the article.
December 29th, 2008 at 3:05 am
Ethically, Fox should have said, “Hey, what the fuck’s going on? We have the rights,” BEFORE it began production if they wanted it to stop. As of now, this is a nearly-complete adaptation of the greatest graphic novel of all time, that’s far more faithful than I could have imagined, even without the Tales of the Black Freighter.
You’re living in a dream world if you think that a comic book can be seamlessly adapted to film. So, there are a few changes. But so far, I’m just amazed at how few there really seem to be. This is shaping up to be a goddamn masterpiece, as far as I’m concerned. And Fox is trying to halt it now, which is just the fucking EMBODIMENT of corporate greed.
Now, I’m not sure if I was responding to people who don’t like the movie, or people who somehow managed to agree with Fox at any given moment there, and it’s all kind of muddled, but I hope it was coherent enough.
If you weren’t able to keep track of what I was saying, that’s understandable, it basically boiled down to “people I disagree with can go eat a dick.”
December 29th, 2008 at 2:51 am
Ethically and legally, Fox is right. They paid money for the rights and WB tried to rip them off in order to save a few bucks. Or a few million bucks. Whatever.
I’m glad WB didn’t get away with it.
December 29th, 2008 at 2:48 am
Ethically, Fox should have said, “Hey, what the fuck’s going on? We have the rights,” BEFORE it began production if they wanted it to stop.
They did. WB made it anyway, and they just got bitchslapped by the legal system after a legal battle that’s gone on for over a year.
This didn’t just pop up last week. It’s been going on since before production started.
December 29th, 2008 at 2:47 am
Yes! Yes! YES!
I totally agree with this article. I HATE Fox. Especially Fox news. Fox news is the bloody worst.
December 29th, 2008 at 1:41 am
Alan Moore didn’t want the Watchmen made into a movie. It shouldn’t have been made into a movie. Warner Bros. can go eat all dicks, they’re fucking assholes for making this movie, and it should never have been made in the first place, its gonna be terrible and destroy the Watchmen, I hate it, it is evil. You know they cut out the Tales of the Black Freighter? This is gonna be god awful. Fuck Warner Bros.
December 29th, 2008 at 1:17 am
Youcan’tdoit:
Have you read Watchmen? Probably not. GO EAT DICK.
Watchmen is the MOST important and thought provoking graphic novel ever written, but you wouldn’t know that because all the god damned dicks in your face block your line of vision, thus making it difficult for you to read Watchmen.
The Spirit is HORSESHIT next to Watchmen, though I do enjoy The Spirit.
Dan:
God bless you and may your dick be lovingly and gently eaten by a pretty mouth. Well I don’t want it to be eaten, by eaten I mean sucked.
-Buster
December 29th, 2008 at 1:08 am
Ever stop to think that it could have had something to do with the fact that Fox was totally full of shit, and they just ignored them like anyone would ignore a babbling fool?
Except Fox wasn’t full of shit. That’s why they won the lawsuit.
December 29th, 2008 at 1:01 am
Daniel O’Brien….I think I love you!!!
December 29th, 2008 at 12:03 am
These are billion dollar corporations whose main objective is to make money. (Welcome to the real world) They make movies (among a trillion other things) to achieve that goal. Both companies have the moral and legal obligation (they have shareholders and investors) to protect all assets. One of Fox’s assets was apparently the distribution rights to any Watchman project. It is just that simple. The true idiot in all this appears to be Larry Gordon. Telling a judge that you can’t remember the specifics of a contract is a sure way to lose a lawsuit.
On a side note, I think some of you are way overestimating the appeal of this project. People pretty much ignored The Spirit, and sadly I think the same thing will happen here. Most people I know have no clue about this movie, not a good sign 4 months before it’s opening.
December 28th, 2008 at 11:35 pm
I can’t understand what irresponsible moron at Warner’s greenlit a film whose property quite obviously doesn’t belong to them. Fox should definitely go ‘eat dicks’ as they’re morally corrupt and creatively devoid, but the folks at Warner’s are irrevokably stupid and it’s gonna cost them dearly.
December 28th, 2008 at 11:12 pm
I cant wait “to see Dr. Manhattan’s glorious, blue genitals majestically flopping on the big screen”
ahahaha,
fox please go suck some dicks
December 28th, 2008 at 10:41 pm
“If I buy an unbelievable Van Gogh and want to stick it in my attic for no one but me. I can. Its mine.”
And if you did, I would tell you to eat a dick. Because that’s a dick move. See? Make a dick move, you have to eat a dick.
It’s poetic, really.
December 28th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
I am a watchmen fan from Hong Kong, I will boycott Fox movies from now on !
December 28th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
A-fucking-men. This disgusts me - I’m not even obsessed with Watchmen, I just find Fox’s retarded logic as retarded as I just called it, not 20 words ago.
December 28th, 2008 at 7:29 pm
i’d be willing to bet $1,000,000 that the same lemmings who spew this bullshit of ‘ they broke the law, they deserve it, even if it is immoral’
These same hypocritical lemming assholes would be cry their eyes out if they got sued for all the Peer 2 Peer torrent and illegal mp3s they have on their computers
December 28th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
it’s sad to see so many pussies and acquiescent little shits around here saying ‘ignorance of the law is no excuse’
what’s hilarious to be me about these type of people is they act as if in their entire life they never broke the law and/or were completely ready to face the consequences of a technically unlawful action.
they are hypocrites
December 28th, 2008 at 7:09 pm
“As funny as I thought this article was, if you really look into the history if this lawsuit, the fact is that Fox DID say something when WB announced their intentions to make Watchmen. WB ignored them. “
Ever stop to think that it could have had something to do with the fact that Fox was totally full of shit, and they just ignored them like anyone would ignore a babbling fool?
December 28th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
“FOX DID NOTHING WRONG. “
Then getting all the leftover dicks rammed up your ass isn’t wrong either. So if you truly believe Fox is in the right, then drop’em and spread’em. Wide.
December 28th, 2008 at 7:05 pm
I’m sure Fox and Warner will come to a deal where both make money on the project. But wouldn’t it be interesting if Fox tried to screw Warner out of all profit, and Warner decide never to release the movie and yet somehow a DVD-quality torrent just happened to show up on [insert your favorite file-sharing site]?
December 28th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
That last paragraph was by far THE funniest thing I have read in a long time! I almost passed out. Licensing is a messed up predicament, and it rides the shady side of ethics all the time and that is why Rupert Murdoch is so rich. He has no morals or ethics. His Gods are green and papery!
December 28th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Ignorance of the law is no excuse.
Any nobody like you or me who tried to get out of a speeding ticket had cops smile and say this to our face.
Just because it has to do with movies, stars and comic books does not mean they are immune to the law.
December 28th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
Fox is terrible, agreed… and I really like the argument about how WB’s going to have to pay them instead of the people who worked on the movie. But look at it from Fox’s side– they paid money for the rights to Watchmen. Now that WB’s made the movie, those rights are pretty much worthless. I don’t think it’s out of line for WB to pay Fox to at least cover what they spent on buying the rights in the first pace. Of course, Fox is going to try to squeeze as much out of this as they can, but I think they’re entitled to SOMETHING.
December 28th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
Dear DOB,
Eat all the crow.
Love,
Me
PS-
As funny as I thought this article was, if you really look into the history if this lawsuit, the fact is that Fox DID say something when WB announced their intentions to make Watchmen. WB ignored them.
Fox threatened to take it to court if WB didn’t pay the buyout price. WB basically said “Go ahead. We dare you.”
Fox filed the lawsuit in February, while the film was still over a year away from release, giving WB ample time to settle. WB decided to ride it out, insisting that they had the rights.
And now the lawsuit has finally gone to court, and Fox was right.
Don’t get me wrong, Fox is a shitty company; they’ve fucked a lot of franchises in film, they seem to fuck up their best TV shows on purpose, and don’t even get me going on Fox News. They deserve to eat dick for any number of things.
But not the Watchmen situation.
Your thesis revolves around the notion that they should have said something months ago, and the fact is that they did.
December 28th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
FOX DID NOTHING WRONG.
There I said it. There are so many things that WB did wrong that they’re going to get what they deserve.
Why didn’t they buy the rights 20 years ago?
Why didn’t they say to Fox, ” Hey, you’ve shelved that movie for decades can we buy it?”
Why didn’t they do anything to work it out so we, the fans, aren’t at this point?
Nothing wrong with Fox wanting to make a buck. I guess the people at the WB are all saints and are going to give their money to the poor.
I mean they took a film that they didn’t own and made it, thinking there would be no repercussions.
Oh I’ll just spend all this money, and I’m sure everything will work itself out. How naive can you be?
And FOX is scum? If I took your bacon and cut it up and made that fantastic omelet and ate it right in front of your drooling face, I guess you’re so sweet and nice you’d buy me some more bacon so I could do it again .
Fox was smart and WB was dumb. Tough nookie.
I read the comic. I enjoyed it. The trailer looks kickass.
And to be honest I’m pissed at the WB. That those dumbasses didn’t cover themselves if this happened is dumbfounding. I assume they’ll still make money and pay off Fox.
If I buy an unbelievable Van Gogh and want to stick it in my attic for no one but me. I can. Its mine.
December 28th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
Screw Fox. I won’t be seeing Wolverine and I hope their box office (mis)fortune continues.
December 28th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
The problem with Fox is even though what they did was completely legal, it was ethically reprehensive. It’s like when someone video tapes you in public without your consent but because there is no audio it’s legal and you can’t do anything about it. It’s completely legal but ethically wrong. The problem with laws is they are written to be followed to the T without a reasonable interpretation for certain case by case scenarios.
WB owns the DC properties. OWNS. These aren’t licensed to WB. The license given to Fox was done so by the owner. Not the government. WB might be able to get around the whole situation by releasing the film in an alternate format, depending on the definition of the license i.e. when video became dvd the licenses for all properties previously put onto video had to be ratified to include a digital format.
It’s quite possible that WB has a card up their sleeve that they are waiting to play and I really hope they do. I hope they stick it to Fox and make Fox eat all the dicks. All of them. Don’t leave any lying around for me to trip over.
Let me be the first to say that maybe if we boycott Wolverine, Fox will learn a lesson in applied ethics. We all know it’s going to be shallow story telling and can you really sit through another feature with Logan’s hair like that? Can you? Wolverine is feeling like another spinoff that Fox handled. Anyone remember Elektra?
December 28th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
You jumped out of the shadows and said “Hey, that’s mine!” Which is why I’ve popped out, from even darker shadows, shouting “Hey, eat all the dicks!”
Best Cracked Post ever.
December 28th, 2008 at 3:08 pm
Dear Bob,
Open wide.
December 28th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
@ thereader
Bob’s a grade A douchebag. along with most others leaving ridiculously shitty and irrelevant crap.
go you.
December 28th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
@Bob
They say you are what you eat, so I can only assume you’ve been gobbling down dicks from time immemorial.
Why don’t you just wear the pink dress and the frilly knickers, it might improve your manners. you know you want to.
My family are fine, thanks.
Note to blog owner: is this an example of the standard of comments you allow, if so, then your credibility is down the shitter along with your authoirty.
Have a nice end-of-career.
XXXX
Pete (unreconstructed Marxist)
December 28th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
[...] reread the ‘Watchmen’ the other day (how ’bout that court case? Great take on it here.) and I understood how Dr Manhattan felt when he kept going through the motions even though he knew [...]
December 28th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
DOB, I love you. Clearly there are a lot of dicks for Fox to choose from, as evidenced here in the comments.
December 28th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
Intellectual property? FUCK THAT, AMIRITE? Let’s just start giving shit away.
You whiny comic book cock-sucking babies need the shut the fuck up - don’t throw your shit at Fox, blame ole’ Larry Gordon … but then again, if you were going to do that, it’d require you to actually figure what the fuck this lawsuit is all about, instead of just “EHHH I HAVE ASBERGER’S DAMN FOX ME WANNY SUPERHERO MOVIE UNGG”
December 28th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
It’s too late to pull the brakes on the movie. Whoever loses, we still win.
December 28th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
One best option to screw Fox Films is for Zack Synder to release the film to the public for free.
December 28th, 2008 at 11:42 am
Dan,
Read your post re: Fox’s need to consume all the male genatalia and I have to say you have a real way with words. Your arguments are concise and point out without any ambiguity, what Fox should do, needs to do. Thank you.
December 28th, 2008 at 11:41 am
You, sir, are the smartest man alive, that is until the movie actually gets released.
December 28th, 2008 at 11:12 am
I’ll eat them all with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. Mwah-hah-haaah!!!
December 28th, 2008 at 10:33 am
Pure awesome
December 28th, 2008 at 10:26 am
Great article and thank you for really speaking to what all of us “Watchmen” fans are thinking.
However, “Watchmen” is not a graphic novel. It is a comic book series, and more precisely, a maxi-series. It’s been collected into hardcover editions and trade paperbacks, but it is still a comic book series.
“Graphic novel” is one of the worst terms ever coined for the comic book industry. Why can people just say “comic book?”
December 28th, 2008 at 8:28 am
When did Universal suddenly decide they had a right to make this movie? And why wouldn’t you let a business rival throw away hundreds of millions of dollars before jumping in and saying, “Nope. You can’t show it.”? Because it’s mean?
December 28th, 2008 at 8:10 am
I was ready to smother everyone and everything employd by FOX when I found out they cancelled Firefly and Total Recall 20somethingorother while still airing shows that I have never heard of or have no desire to watch. And now they pull off this stunt of dickery. Damn, that was impressive, even if you have to eat dicks afterwards.
December 28th, 2008 at 7:55 am
Wonderful insightful article.
I agree, tube steaks smothered in underwear for EVERYONE!
However, what I’m hoping will come out of this is Batman 1966 on DVD. Fox made the series back in the 60’s but since then Warner Bros has acquired all the rights to all that is Batman, so Fox cannot distribute the series that is ALREADY mastered to DVD apparently.
So if they pull the dicks out of their mouths just long enough to agree, then we get Watchmen AND Batman on DVD.
A symbolic gesture, truly inDICKative of cooperation… ; )
December 28th, 2008 at 7:26 am
@ …Says.
seriously, thank you. but let me tell you what the problem is. the problem is people can’t get over it being fox that pulled the stunt and everyone feels they have to gather their pitchforks and gather around the bonfire in hopes of being loud and pissy enough to make a difference about something that doesn’t really concern them whatsoever because the goddamn movie is coming out regardless!!!! i can almost guarantee you that if it was any other corporation than fox, people would probably let it slide. point well made, …says. who really cares?
and the people who keep claiming that all of the fox movies suck, here’s a refreshing idea. stop watching them!!!!!
but let’s face it…..90% of you WILL cave and pay $10 a ticket to go watch the movie anyway b/c you’re all peeing your pants for it to come out.
December 28th, 2008 at 6:33 am
He is a cool man. we all love him. there are so many fans of him. and they set up the groups related to stars. you can even check out his sexy and beautiful photos, videos and blogs at ___R i c h L o v e s . c o m___@@@
December 28th, 2008 at 6:19 am
That rant reaches no point. What Warner did is the theft of someone else’s property. And neither Fox, nor Warner are at good will with each other. That goes back to the fact that Fox can’t release the 60s BATMAN-series without Warner allowing it. and that is most likely what Fox will get now with the Watchmen-leverage.
December 28th, 2008 at 6:11 am
Jesus Christ on a Cracker, this is Possibly the most Glorious Complaint Letter I have ever read. In fact, I call for this to be the benchmark in complaint letters - the one letter that all other complaint letters are modeled after. I am finding stuff I want to complain about right now to write one just like this.
I could give a shit about this movie (not being a geek myself- ok, well only half geek, ok, well I once had a geek in me - sorry got a little personal there) but I want to see it now just to be able to say I saw the movie that launched a thousand dicks down the gullet of a Fox exec.
Bravo, DOB, Bravo.
December 28th, 2008 at 6:11 am
Wow. Who knew the Watchmen would cause such a shit storm of sentiment. I read it, and was mildly entertained. I wasn’t blown away by any aspect of it. Oh, and if this has been addressed already, my apologies..but 387 comments is a whole lot to digest..I skimmed.
December 28th, 2008 at 5:42 am
I don’t know if I can gather an acre of dicks but I’ll sum up as many as I can and donate it to FOX dudes for their lunch breaks. I swear, retarded as I am, I would fuck all the money I spent and release the film on the internet, for free.
And the “thesis”? Fucking awesome. I never laughed with tears at a cracked article, though I’ve been really close several times.
December 28th, 2008 at 5:41 am
So, what is the problem? The movie’s been made. You will get to see it - eventually. Maybe you’ll have to wait a bit longer than you expected, is that so big of a hardship that it’s impossible to bear? Meanwhile, two equally greedy corporations are at each other’s throat over money, something which they were born to do. Why should anyone care?
What a pointless article.
December 28th, 2008 at 5:15 am
Sort of brings to mind the old story of the little red hen,… or maybe I’ve been spending too much time with five-year-olds.
Just got into Watchmen this year, nead the novel and am definately ready for it. Don’t know what I’m gonna do yet though.
You almost have to feel bad for Fox… almost…
They tend to be pretty greedy with anything that is owned by them that becomes popular. Could be wrong, just by my recolections.
And spiritual type arousal? That must’ve been what that was.
December 28th, 2008 at 4:42 am
Forget who owns what and what money goes where. Rupert Murdoch’s face has this….evil, twisted quality about it that makes me want to RUN, RUN AWAY NOW!
December 28th, 2008 at 4:16 am
lol It appears to me that FOX is just being an evil genius. If I knew that somebody was going to steal my movie and make it better than I could ever hope to, I wouldn’t stop them until it came to the point where I could point out that it’s mine and take it back, in all it’s glory. And then I’d reap the benefits of somebody else’s work, that they should have known better than to try and do in the first place. You can’t really blame FOX for this.
Somebody did make a great point though, at least the movie will be worth seeing now.
December 28th, 2008 at 4:04 am
Absolutely epic, Mr. DOB
Lol. I think I’ll just pirate the movie– And then send maybe $30 or so to WB in the mail. =}
December 28th, 2008 at 3:58 am
Oh come on - so Fox owns the distribution rights to Watchmen, and Warner Bros made the film anyway without properly checking that they had all the relevant rights? That’s not Fox’s fault - some entertainment lawyers in Warner Bros should be getting fired for not doing their jobs properly.
December 28th, 2008 at 3:57 am
Unless Fox back out of this gracefully by only charging a symbolic $1 for the rights, i will avoid going to see the Wolverine movie… plus i will attempt to persuade all my friends to not see it.
I hope this costs Fox a fortune in negative PR.
December 28th, 2008 at 3:48 am
Anyone that has been paying attention to the crap that the evil AOL/WB has been pulling for the last 10 years or so, knows that this is known as justice.
In the example of, say, the Batman TV show from the 60’s; It’s not like there are a bunch of WB employees who worked diligently on this TV show; they’re not being screwed by Fox’s production. And it isn’t like they’re lashing out because they were going to make the TV show; they had over twenty years and did nothing but sit on Fox’s rights!
If you have been living in a lead cave, statistically speaking you are a dumbass if you think Fox is wrong for this.
Imagine being told you can’t sell your bacon omelet because the WB bought the company that processed your bacon and you don’t have the rights!
Go Fox Go!
December 28th, 2008 at 3:39 am
Wow, you can really feel the heat of DOB’s deep, seated anger straight from the monitor!
December 28th, 2008 at 2:58 am
amen. i will gladly pledge ten-million dicks to this noble cause.
December 28th, 2008 at 2:45 am
FUCK FOX
This action should not go unnoticed. I am sick of Fox as a business and I’m of sick of having to watch every shitty movie after shitty movie they make. That as why I think Fox should be systematically dismantled as a company. So I call out to you, the general populace, to join me and bring down the reign of terror that Fox bestows upon us in the form of shitty movies and shitty business.
Here is the plan:
Step 1: Buy stock in Warner Bros
Step 2: Protest Fox’s movies until they are forced to go bankrupt
Step 3: Convince Warner Bros to buy off Fox and in effect gain rights to all of Fox’s copyrighted material.
Step 4: Make huge profit as Warner Bros nearly doubles in size.
I can’t make you guys do this but I sure as hell am going to try.
December 28th, 2008 at 2:40 am
I don’t usually pirate movies, but I’m going to this time, because Fox doesn’t deserve the money from the ticket sale.
December 28th, 2008 at 2:32 am
Like most Western cinema fans, I’m hyped about The Watchman movie, and the trailer looks fucking awesome.
However, I’m tried of all of the douche-bags coming out of the woodwork about how Watchmen is the fucking end-all-beat-all graphic novel that changed the face of media that every comic fan on the planet has been holding his/her breath for for the past 20 years. That’s fanboy bullshit and we all know it. The Watchmen may be the bestest graphic novel of all time….but no one really gave a shit until X-Men came out and opened the money-gates for big-screen comic success. Suddenly every every goddamned comic series that’s ever sold more than 100 copies is a Dickensian classic that needs to be put to film…and ever comic that’s sold between 50-99 copies is a Cult Classic that they’ll never get right when they put it on film…but they should try anyway. Fuck off nerds!
December 28th, 2008 at 2:05 am
I don’t think I could have said it any better myself. What Fox is doing is total bullshit. Fox had the rights for over 20 years and didn’t make a movie. Either shit or get off the pot.
December 28th, 2008 at 2:05 am
warners clearly made a movie that was owned by a different company, are you really that surprised that a studio who paid for the right to make the movie would be upset? are you really telling me you would expect fox to just eat the cost of paying for the right to make said movie while another studio makes it anyways, and then proceeds to profit off of it? are you all retarded? yes
December 28th, 2008 at 1:43 am
Awesome!
You are right though. Fox just waited until Warner spent all the money to make the movie so that they could sweep in and take it and not only get to distribute it and make money they didn’t have to make the initial investment to make the movie. What’s worse is that they will no doubt be awarded damages in addition to the millions that this movie is going to make.
Sometimes the American justice system protects the wrong people.
December 28th, 2008 at 1:09 am
fuckin hilarious keep up the good shit nukka
December 28th, 2008 at 1:07 am
It sounds to me like Warner stole from Fox and now Fox wants their due.
December 28th, 2008 at 1:03 am
“Wahhh wahhhh wahhhhh. Watchmen is a mildly entertaining kids comic book. Bested by the brilliant “Incredibles” by far (and yes, the comic came first). The film version looks like warmed over “The Spirit,” yet ANOTHER film Brad Bird should have directed.
“WAHH WAHH. Fox is to be despised, but less for this than many other things. Many more important things.”
Gregg, we all know now that Fox can’t suck all the dicks because you already took a good share of them.
The Watchmen isn’t a kids’ comic book. It’s an adult graphic novel, the most successful one ever and on TIME magazine’s list of the 100 greatest books of all time.
Now run along with your Vienna Sausages and watch your fucking Incredibles movie for the 101st time.
December 28th, 2008 at 1:00 am
I agree, it’s sad to see Fox profiting from a story they’d never have the intelligence to do any sort of justice to…
However, there is one saving grace here. Fox didn’t make the movie. I’ll take this situation over Fox crapping out a horrible Watchmen film version and ruining it for everyone any day.
And if I were a WB executive, I would have done the exact same thing even knowing Fox might swoop in and steal the profits from it. Cause it’s fuckin worth it to have it made right the first time.
December 28th, 2008 at 12:38 am
Well, this news is profoundly terrible, but there are still ways to strike back at FOX. While a large-scale boycott of FOX movie franchises would be nearly impossible, it might make them realize that douchbag moves do have consequences.
Or they could, y’know, just eat all the dicks.
December 28th, 2008 at 12:35 am
I’m voting with my wallet and I ain’t paying to see this movie.
More likely than not this means paying for a ticket to a true Warner Bros movie (or any other non-Fox movie for that matter) and then walking into the Watchmen screen.
December 28th, 2008 at 12:28 am
Bravo, DOB
December 28th, 2008 at 12:12 am
I agree with DOB!!!
I hate fox right now so freaking much…
I mean, all the hard work of the people workin in that movie… I have worked on my own movies (real movies, not the movie of the weding of my aunt or things like that) and I know how hard it is… I hate Fox!!!
December 28th, 2008 at 12:10 am
In some cultures dicks are considered a delicacy.
December 28th, 2008 at 12:08 am
suck it just let them release the movie they spent money on an tried to please with you fuck hole
December 28th, 2008 at 12:05 am
“Faux News”? What are you, twelve?
December 27th, 2008 at 11:57 pm
Wahhh wahhhh wahhhhh. Watchmen is a mildly entertaining kids comic book. Bested by the brilliant “Incredibles” by far (and yes, the comic came first). The film version looks like warmed over “The Spirit,” yet ANOTHER film Brad Bird should have directed.
WAHH WAHH. Fox is to be despised, but less for this than many other things. Many more important things.
December 27th, 2008 at 11:45 pm
I agree. They waited till the last minute before pouncing on WB. I’m glad though that Fox didn’t make this into a movie. It would have been bad, just like most of the hero movies that they have made. They just waited for this movie to be made, by someone else, to get loads of cash.
December 27th, 2008 at 11:13 pm
Fox doesn’t need to just eat all the dicks; they need to have said dicks shoved up their asses and THEN eat them. And eat them again once they shit them out. I mean come on:
Watchmen
Firefly
Family Guy
Futurama
Wonderfalls
Arrested Development
Dark Angel
Point Pleasent
And plenty others. Throw in the Faux News Network, and Murdoch needs to be skullfucked to death.
I hate these bastards with the passion of a thousand burning suns.
December 27th, 2008 at 10:58 pm
HEAR HEAR!
Fox sucks. Totally sucks ass.
December 27th, 2008 at 10:58 pm
Aleluya!
December 27th, 2008 at 10:46 pm
Fox eating dicks..?
Dicks eating dicks…
Ironic.
I like it.
December 27th, 2008 at 10:30 pm
and freud probably wouldn’t have the hardest time psychoanalyzing the shit out of DOB with his dick complex and all, even if the doc was hopped up on all the cocaine the world had to offer. this dude’s an open book of problems.
December 27th, 2008 at 10:24 pm
RE: “why don’t you just go do that. go BLOW YOURSELF. ”
If this was a conversation, that mistake would be acceptable, but you see, I used the word blue, not the word blew. I know they sound the same, but they mean different things.
“it’s called a typo”
Where’s the typo? Did you accidentally a whole paragraph?
“DOB is a retard and obviously has nothing else going on in his life than making an argument out of nothing”
DOB writes something and therefore the subject matter of his article is the only thing going on in his life? No.
You do realise the site is paying him for a regular column? That’s like saying Jim is a retard and obviously has nothing else going on in his life (you should out the word “other” in here) than going to work and testing cars.
“you’re sitting there trying to refute my whole statement. what a dumbass.”
Non-sequither.
“why don’t you two go on a date?”
Well DOB only cares about watchmen apparently, but good insult.
“i’m not going to sit here and try to explain what i meant. mull over it some more if you’d like.”
Oh no it’s pretty clear what you meant, it was just fun for me to point out how you expressed yourself like an idiot while being angry at the perceived shortcomings of others. It’s what some may call ironic.”
——–
the hysterical and yet sad part of this is that you have nothing meaningful or substantial to say and therefore must repeat my entire fuckin entry in order to prove yourself as being anywhere near intelligent. thank you SO much for clearing up blue and blew because i had no fuckin idea. and yes i do realize mr. DOB gets paid for writing bullshit such as this. he could have shortened that by idk, the whole damn thing. it’s called a news brief. he fuckin hates fox and clearly wants them to eat dick. one sentence would suffice instead of rotting our brains with redundent crap about how unfair the business world blah fuckin blah. so fuckin sad he actually gets paid for this shit. hope he doesn’t use this for clips anywhere for any future job he may attempt to get. FAIL.
as for yourself, i believe you are what most of us would call a grade A D bag. simply for all the reasons stated previously. i’m almost curious if you can actually respond to something that’s completely your own concoction of a failing mind. keyword being ALMOST. i’ve killed enough brain cells reading your topnotch BS that really amounts to nothing significant whatsoever.
that’s called not giving a shit either way.
December 27th, 2008 at 10:19 pm
@Greg
Thank you for re-iterating exactly what DoB fucking said. I mean, goddamn, did you read the post?
He said ‘FOX can do this legally but they can eat all the dicks’.
Then you came in and said ‘No, DoB, it is perfectly legal for FOX to make this movie but they can eat all the dicks’.
What I’m saying is that you are a fucking retard.
December 27th, 2008 at 10:12 pm
Lol you know who really is at fault here lol, we are for making my favorite superhero’s movie the second highest grossing film of all time lol. If that film did not make as much money as it did especially with the watchmen trailer attached to it fox would not have cared one bit about it lol. The thing is though they want to settle out of court but in all honest being a watchmen fan I dont thing the movie would have made but a little over a 100 mill if that, because people who have not read the book would think it would be balls out action and thats just not the case lol
December 27th, 2008 at 10:06 pm
Hannah Montana killed the Watchmen movie.
December 27th, 2008 at 10:01 pm
@Greg
go eat a bowl of dicks with rupert
December 27th, 2008 at 9:34 pm
Wow you totally shoot your arguments in the foot, look fox paid money for the rights, they owned it. Warner Brothers knew this and decided to as you say take their bacon. You said what they did was probably a good business choice, and they have a right to do it. It doesn’t matter that they sat on it, (also they didn’t sit on it they did attempt to produce the movie a few different times but didn’t follow through) Just because I left that bacon in my fridge for weeks doesn’t mean you can have it, it’s still mine not yours. They have every right to stop the movie, I’ll hate them if they do but they still are within their rights.
December 27th, 2008 at 9:25 pm
i eat dicks
December 27th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
When Roger Corman made his cheapo Fantastic Four film, I understood it was just so that the studio would keep the rights to later make a ‘proper’ Fantastic Four movie. If purchased rights have a shelf life of fifty years, why would that be necessary?
…And the appeal for “Cocks for Fox” made me smile.
December 27th, 2008 at 9:18 pm
[...] Fan Cordially Invites Fox to Eat Several Dicks ‘Watchmen’ Fan Cordially Invites Fox to Eat Several Dicks | Cracked.com [...]
December 27th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
Amen
December 27th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
Of course, I meant SNYDER* I guess you can disregard everything I said just a second ago now
:(
December 27th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
Seriously, I hope it never sees the light of day. Few things in this world can be worse than a Watchmen movie directed by that hack Zack Synder. If it were ever going to be put to film, it would have to bee an HBO mini series or something. Let it unfold over 6 or 7 hours. A 2 hour, 30 minute movie (directed by that hack Zack Synder) is going to be blowful.
December 27th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
This is just all too funny. All Fox is doing is giving you ‘Watchmen’ soaked enthusiasts something to bide your time between the pre-cum semi-splooge effect the trailer and posters seemed to have on you and the full-levi’s-flooded release you’ll achieve in the theaters. Though I’m not a fan of the franchise and had never heard of the graphic novel before AICN started posting film news on it, Fox and WB both “eat all the dicks” as DOB puts it for handling this movie the way they did. But Fox has seemed to enjoy eating dick over the years, so acres of dick may not be a bad thing to them. And there’s a dick for each of you raving whining fans; two for you DOB for calling Fox out for whining as you do the same. Though I predict the movie will do terribly box office wise. I definitely enjoy the reading fanboy rants. Keep it up…
December 27th, 2008 at 8:53 pm
The person who wrote this shows an ungodly lack in mental competence for the real world. People like this are the reason that cashier positions everywhere will not be vacant.
December 27th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
YEA!!! Fox you need to go to the store near you on isle 12 and look for the life size bag of dicks and just eat it all in one day! then do the same tomorrow and so on and so forth..u ASS!
December 27th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
Both sides are right…it was perfectly legal, and brilliantly executed, if totally fucking slimy. WB takes all the risk, and when it looks good, you jump on for the $$.
On the other hand, Rupert Murdoch is a slimy fuck. Give him all the cocks, and not just the ones he can eat. For many other, better reasons, all of which stem from being an amoral conservative douchebag. Go back and ruin you own country.
December 27th, 2008 at 8:32 pm
I appreciate the passion of the screed, but it’s based on some erroneous assumptions.
1. Fox filed suit back in February–right when Snyder wrapped production, and months before the trailers and buzz really began.
2. It has been reported that Fox did have its lawyers contact Wbros before Snyder began production to advise them of Fox’s rights. That might be bullshit. Regardless, my hunch is that Wbros moved forward either because they felt Fox was wrong (oops), or they were convinced they ultimately wouldn’t be forced to pay nearly as much as Fox wanted. (Still possible; see 2a.)
2a. The disputed contract in this case includes a fixed formula for determining what Fox is owed for its rights. The big question that Wbros wants the judge to settle is this: can this formula suffice for paying off Fox? If the Judge says “Yes,” then the winner here is actually Wbros, because the formula isn’t huge, doesn’t require the studio to give up ownership of the picture and keeps Fox out of revenue sharing. If the judge says, “No, Wbros, what you did was so wrong, Fox deserves much bigger compensation,” then yes, Wbros might be very, very screwed.
3. You assume Fox never tried to make the movie. In truth, I believe the story is this: when it first had the rights, they had a production company develop a script that everyone agrees in retrospect would have been a horrible butchery of Watchmen. (The Sam Hamm script.) Fox never made that Hamm script (much to their credit, don’t you think?) and ultimately negotiated a deal with producer Larry Gordon that gave him the ability to develop a movie–and also gave him the ability, at any given time, to buy Fox’s distribution right to the film. Gordon never paid Fox off, and that’s why we’re in this mess today.
4. The deal with Gordon required that any time he put a new version of the movie together, he had to give Fox a crack at financing and distributing it. Agan, if Fox passed, Gordon had the right to buy Fox’s option per a pre-determined pricing formula. Gordon, it seems, routinely presented almost every iteration of Watchmen to Fox… except for the very version that Snyder developed. This version, by the way, was by all accounts the very first time any serious filmmaker tried to develop a FAITHFUL version of Watchmen. (The Hayter script that Greengrass was going to make for Paramount was a war-on-terror updating.) This is why it’s kinda erroneous to say “Fox would never have made this film anyway.” The truth is, Fox was never, ever presented with the opportunity to finance and distribute THIS kind of take with THIS kind of flmmaker. True, we all know that Fox NEVER makes 2 h 30 m R-rated superhero movies… but that’s irrelevant. Fox has always owned is the opportunity to say YES or NO to any version of Watchmen ever developed. What it owned was the ability to make a decision itself on this matter. That ability was undermined by Wbros’ actions.
Not trying to defend Fox here, just trying to more accurately see the sitch and what’s at stake.
December 27th, 2008 at 8:19 pm
Fuckin’ A! That’s exactly how I feel too..let them eat dick(s)…
December 27th, 2008 at 8:12 pm
If you were that big a fan, you probably wouldn’t repeatedly call it ‘The’ Watchmen.
December 27th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
[...] 1. The executives at 20th Century Fox can eat several dicks. [...]
December 27th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
I thought I would add my thoughts, I look at Fox who purchased a block of land in the most prime location overlooking a beautiful white sandy beach and crystal blue water with the intention of building on that land. 20 years later a property developer comes along, sees the land and decides to build on that land because the land owner has done nothing with it. Regardless of FOX not saying anything until the end of filming, WARNERS had no right in making this movie regardless of how great it is. One thing to take into account, the technology has only been around for a short amount of time to make this movie and if this movie was made 20 years ago I doubt it would be anything but crap.
December 27th, 2008 at 7:57 pm
i think fox should share some dicks with jaydee
December 27th, 2008 at 7:39 pm
Bravo DOB, bravo.
December 27th, 2008 at 7:32 pm
Why don’t they just call it “Watchman” and slightly change all the names?
December 27th, 2008 at 7:31 pm
Well, Daniel, get your shit together and get the THE out of the title, you dick: the movie and graphic novel are, and were always, called WATCHMEN, not THE WATCHMEN.
Fucking moron…
December 27th, 2008 at 7:15 pm
Wtf is b?
December 27th, 2008 at 7:10 pm
Ya know. If they really wanted to make a Watchman film.. Sony could have you know… Bought the rights first? I dont see how Fox is the bad guys in this. “The Watchman” is theirs. They bought it. They Own it. What they do or do not do with it is THEIR BUSINESS. If They really didn’t plan on doing anything with it they probably would have sold it of offered a reasonable sum of money.
Now could Fox legally stop the movie? No they couldn’t just let Sony proceed to make the film spen all that money, and just stop them. They could have stopped it in the beginning, but the law on this is pretty clear. But did that nullify theor ownership? NO.
SO guess what Justice ™ was done. This is a FAIR OUTCOME. So whats all the complaining about?
December 27th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
Well said. Extremely, well said. This is the classic struggle between artistic expression (which I usually love, but when I hear said artist speak, I often want to hit him in the face with a hammer) and capitalism (which I also usually appreciate except when greedy idiots worshipping Mammon also open their mouths). Being a comic and movie geek, I want this movie to occur even though I didn’t walk away from the source material feeling as warm and fuzzy as everyone else did. I was impressed with the story-telling and I think it is a crime to hog that “bacon”. I don’t care what the “law” says.
December 27th, 2008 at 7:01 pm
To quote Ian Malcolm in Jurassic Park (the novel):
“Having the right to do something does not make you right for doing it.”
I wholeheartedly agree with the post.
See, if Fox had stepped up when the movie was announced, no harm, no foul.
But, they wait til its almost done…all the time and money that studio workers have done…sorry, not yours.
It’s BS. What they’re doing is legal, but I certainly wouldn’t call it fair.
December 27th, 2008 at 6:54 pm
BAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I think the point that most of you are missing is that this article is FUCKING HILARIOUS. DOB is an editor for the site. He’s regularly writes articles that are intended to make people laugh. He found something he is passionate about and that would garner a big response, so he wrote an article that has a big fat righteous point, while also including the word “dicks” about a million times because dicks are way funny. So ease up.
And yes fox definitely deserves to be fed dicks intravenously for all eternity because whether or not they have the legal right to be douchebags - they’re still being douchebags by waiting until now to spring this on WB. Just saying “it’s business” doesn’t excuse shit. Good “business” would’ve been FOX ponying up the cash in the first place and making it themselves instead of waiting years and years for someone else to make it and then at the last minute taking them to court and getting a bunch of free money for nothing.
The highest of fives to you DOB, a true gentleman and scholar.
December 27th, 2008 at 6:54 pm
“why don’t you just go do that. go BLOW YOURSELF. ”
If this was a conversation, that mistake would be acceptable, but you see, I used the word blue, not the word blew. I know they sound the same, but they mean different things.
“it’s called a typo”
Where’s the typo? Did you accidentally a whole paragraph?
“DOB is a retard and obviously has nothing else going on in his life than making an argument out of nothing”
DOB writes something and therefore the subject matter of his article is the only thing going on in his life? No.
You do realise the site is paying him for a regular column? That’s like saying Jim is a retard and obviously has nothing else going on in his life (you should out the word “other” in here) than going to work and testing cars.
“you’re sitting there trying to refute my whole statement. what a dumbass.”
Non-sequither.
“why don’t you two go on a date?”
Well DOB only cares about watchmen apparently, but good insult.
“i’m not going to sit here and try to explain what i meant. mull over it some more if you’d like.”
Oh no it’s pretty clear what you meant, it was just fun for me to point out how you expressed yourself like an idiot while being angry at the perceived shortcomings of others. It’s what some may call ironic.
December 27th, 2008 at 6:53 pm
Know what’d be funny / ironic? If Fox & Muroch owned this website.
December 27th, 2008 at 6:46 pm
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Why the fuck would anyone wanna see the new “Wolverine” movie? Besides the obvious reason not to see it (the “X-Men” trilogy they had going sucked), they didn’t change anything in this one except to get rid of all the shitty X-Men that Wolverine has around him. Sabretooth looks like a pussy, and Gambit probably won’t have the part he deserves (sorry, did I say part? I meant movie).
Oh yeah, and FUCK FOX.
December 27th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
I agree totally D.O.B. This was the first time I heard about it and I can’t believe Fox would stoop that low to do something like that. Sure, it was legal of them, but it doesn’t make it right. When our country was founded the laws were set up to protect our morals, liberties, rights, and ourselves from physical/financial harm. What Fox is doing is twisting the law for their greedy, immoral purposes and taking money from someone who worked very hard on this film. It’s not right. I want to say something to them about it. Write them or email them and express my opinions of what they are doing but how can I do that? I think if enough people show their disdain for them they might do something…maybe not with Watchmen but with future endevors and just so the rich can be richer. It feels like Donald Trump stealing a low-income families much-needed and deserved paychecks and saying, “Watch my show, The Apprentice on NBC. Otherwise, you poor bastards can kiss my pale white and wrinkly ass.”
I’m not saying the Trumpster would do it…but Fox sure would. They can argue against it all they want but they’re not setting a good precedent for themselves right now for me to think anyother way.
December 27th, 2008 at 6:25 pm
one thing you forgot to mention was the if FOX did make it, they would have gone all cunt-city as producers. WB is world-renowned (well, nolan said this at least-) for being the very bare minimally cunts, and for hollywood producers, thats asking a lot, and WB is great for it. if everything was the exact same EXCEPT the WB producers were switched out for FOXcunt producers, it would blow. and be pg-13. and have mediocre(but at least existant) advertising sales.
overall, you just said the same thing i’ve been sayin for years, but phrased very very well. thanks, D.O.B.
ps, check out the D.O.B. message board on imdb. your welcome
December 27th, 2008 at 6:19 pm
Oh, damn… I just peed myself laughing!
December 27th, 2008 at 6:15 pm
All that bitching… why don’t you just do something about it?
Boycott next five movies YOU WERE GOING TO SEE by Fox.
Wolverine is coming up soon…
December 27th, 2008 at 6:01 pm
DCP will be pirating “Watchmen” so that FOX won’t get any money for it. Be sure to keep an eye on “The Pirate Bay” for a special DVD-quality projection booth telesync release of the movie when it hits the theaters. We here at DCP have made arrangements with a local theater near one of our scanners to get the movie copied as close to what you’d find on a real DVD, and we’ll be producing a special intro explaining why FOX deserves to eat all the dicks and why everyone should download this copy and let FOX be content to chew dicks.
Blastaar/DCP
December 27th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
Your all yanks, which means your all as dumb as each other!!!!
Well you have to be if you all still believe your one of the most powerful and respected countries in the World.
Piffull
December 27th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
IF YOU SUPPORT FOX IN ANY WAY ON THIS, SURPRISE! YOU GET ALL THE COCKS TOO!
December 27th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
Thank you DOB.
Lawrence Gordon should have to eat a few dicks too for not getting everything right. But Rupert Murdoch will eat the most dicks of all of FOX.
and therealwebby, your country probably sucks more than the Middle East.
December 27th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
“Fox is right. They deserve their money. “
And you deserve all the leftover dicks up your ass. Without K/Y.
December 27th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
Re: i just blue myself.
why don’t you just go do that. go BLOW YOURSELF. it’s called a typo, asshole and just b/c you may not know what a hyperbole is, or imagery for that matter doesn’t mean you should go showing it to the whole site. unless you don’t mind people knowing you’re a dumbass. DOB is a retard and obviously has nothing else going on in his life than making an argument out of nothing. and you’re sitting there trying to refute my whole statement. what a dumbass. why don’t you two go on a date?
i’m not going to sit here and try to explain what i meant. mull over it some more if you’d like. maybe you’ll fall asleep dreaming about swimming in a sea of dicks since apparently that’s what most people commenting on here have in common: dick loving.
and here’s another thing for you:
i just blue myself: i suck it. and yea, i intentionally wrote it that way.
and Bob: YOU’RE A PUNKASS BITCH WHO NEEDS TO HAVE HIS MOUTH GLUED SHUT AND NEVER BE ALLOWED TO SPEAK AGAIN.
December 27th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
What you have here is a case of letter of the law vs. spirt of the law. And in this case I think the judge is wrong! They have broken the very spirt of the law which is just as leaglly binding as the letter of the law. If I wer the WB… and I hate to say it… I would sit on the film. Not release it till fox’s rights were up. It would suck for us fans… but it’s about the only thing WB can do about it.
oh, also…
BOYCOTT FOX!!!!!
Facebook group page to be soon!!!
S.
December 27th, 2008 at 5:29 pm
Dear FOX,
We, from Spain, want to send some lots of dicks, in order to avoid you get no more dicks left to eat.
Don´t say “thanks”, FOX, it´s a pleasure for us.
Greetings.
December 27th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
does this meen that warner bros r gonna get nothing…
lame
December 27th, 2008 at 5:20 pm
Thank you Dan. Everyone seems to be missing the point that Fox is pulling a -ahem- Dick move. If you didn’t check to make sure that someone had “called” all the bacon in the world and they came and took your bacon after you cooked it, it would be shall we say, cockish.
As for the shareholders of fox, let them be pissed that their studio slept on this and demand less lame movies that people might see in the future.
Maybe Warner should just pay fox what they paid for the rights and call it square. Oh wait that would be civilized and mature, forget it.
recent fox pics:
Marley & Me
Max Payne
Day the Earth Stood Still (hella gay)
X-Files : I Want to Believe
Babylon AD
Meet Dave
Meet the Spartans
December 27th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
This movie is going to be glorious, but Warner should have bought the rights from FOX to make the move.
It was a risky, and basically, stupid decision to start the production, although to the fans it happened to be the greatest decision ever (if FOX doesn’t put their slimy hands on it and change anything)
Excelsior!
December 27th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Warner did everything within their rights. FOX sat on their hands for 20 years while the original Producer of the screenplay took the script to numerous companies, pitching it, over the last 20 years.
This is called ‘turnaround’, in the movie industry. The ONLY person who failed to do what they were supposed to do, as per any agreement, was Lawrence Gordon who failed to keep Fox appraised of what he was doing, as required by a 1994 agreement with Fox.
The project was offered to Fox in 2005. FOX TURNED IT DOWN. This was after YEARS of trying to get PARAMOUNT to create the movie. Universal also tried to make the movie, in 2001, before Paramount took over.
Warner claims that Fox granted them the rights to create Watchmen. Fox was even paid by Gordon in 1991 for the rights to Watchmen. This was supposedly superceded by what Fox claims was a later deal, for ‘more money’ which fell through.
Warner was not in the wrong here. FOX is. They gave up the rights to Watchmen in 1991. GORDON is also in the wrong here, as well. By not making sure that Fox stood by the 1991 deal where he bought the rights to the Watchmen movie.
Gordon, however, is in hiding and not saying one word either way.
December 27th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
[...] like fox won the ruling over the watchmen movie. it’s probably going to hang in limbo forever now ‘Watchmen’ Fan Cordially Invites Fox to Eat Several Dicks | Cracked.com __________________ ()xxx():::: portfolio :: gigposters [...]
December 27th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
“This is about money. You saw the chance to make a ridiculous sum of money, for no reason, and you’re going to take it.”
That’s ridiculous. Warners making the film prevented Fox from eventually making it, and reaping the financial rewards of that future film. So THAT’S the reason.
Fox has shareholders - not all rich fatcats lighting cigars with $100 bills - and the company is responsible to them.
December 27th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
Hey 999.
“that whole last paragraph (along with the entire article) was without a doubt the most retarded excuse of imagery or hyperbole i’ve ever read in my life.”
Interesting…
You think that the most retarded excuse of imagery or hyperbole is the last paragraph of this article and the article itself, despite the fact that superlatives can only apply to one thing by definition.
You also think that “excuse of imagery or hyperbole” is a phrase which means something. It does not.
“DOB: you’re a strange and sick man, my friend. go eat some dicks yourself. while reading watchmen.”
Is this DOB talking? Usually when a name is followed by a colon it means that the following words are either said by that person or are describing that person, and this is clearly not a description. Why is DOB saying this and who is he saying it to? I don’t really understand what’s going on there.
December 27th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
@ The Judgmental Nerd:
Yeah, ’cause obviously anybody who ever gave a shit about anything extending beyond the very immediacy of their own day to day existence obviously has no life and has never been laid right? Exactly what’s wrong with most people nowadays. Not a man if you don’t give a shit.
December 27th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
I just don’t understand what Warner Brothers was thinking, here. Sure, Fox should have put the stop on earlier, but did WB really think that they were going to make millions of dollars off of this movie that Fox owned the rights to, and Fox was just going…allow it? And not take that money, when it seems pretty clear that they have every right to it?
I’m just baffled.
December 27th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
None of this matters.
And anybody who feels strongly about any of this is either deep on the Autism spectrum or a sociopath.
Somebody has gotta get this man-child laid.
December 27th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
[...] for pissing in the wind for two decades, and that sticks in my throat. Ewwww. Bad analogy. Anyhow, I’m not alone in being unhappy about [...]
December 27th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
Seriously get over it. The movie is going to slap the Book in the face and Fox should do everything they can to keep this from being released. Viva los Fox!
December 27th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
I’m trying to fathom an acre of dicks.
And I don’t like it. I don’t like it AT ALL.
December 27th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
You can go eat a bunch of dicks too “thereaser”. Just go jump in a pit of fire and die. No, better yet, get the most painful cancer imaginable. I hope your whole family suffers too. Impolite? That’s the idea. I don’t like you, I want you to suffer.
December 27th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
There’s a lot more to this case than either side is letting on. Truth be told, Fox is PARTIALLY correct and Warner’s is PARTIALLY correct. The real issue here is Larry Gordon, not Warner’s and to an extent not Fox. He was the “rights holder” and therefore is the one who put Warner’s on the chopping block. Warner’s, I am sure, after the Dukes of Hazzard debacle, cleared the rights with Larry and probably had enough legal claim to think they were safe (which it appears they were wrong)
Still, there is still a trial to be had, and this is not a final ruling, just a decision the judge believes is accurate. The final case will be decided later…but I imagine Warner’s will pony up money. And after the great success Warner’s had this year (and the dismal failure of almost every single Fox movie, and I mean major failure) I can see Fox needing to support their shareholders with some sort of financial action. But we’ll all see how this pans out in the end.
I’d be curious if Watchmen gets delayed how the fans would react to the Wolverine film, or if people just like to bitch to bitch and will support Fox in everything regardless. I think that’s more the case. Fanboys are fanboys. And to the neysayers who keep saying that Watchmen shouldn’t be made, that the “giant squid” is so crucial to the film - this 2 hour 40 minute film is shite without a giant squid that takes up one panel in the comic - I still say you’ll all go see this. So no matter how much you bitch, vent, cry, complain, carp, or crap, you’ll see it. So it’s almost intolerably silly to hear the rants and raves.
Anyway, let the Watchmen scandal continue and we’ll see where it goes - maybe Fox will get the Batman 66′ tv series out of this, maybe they’ll get a chunk of change, maybe they’ll lose in court, or maybe the film will be shelved. Lots of possibilites - we’ll just have to wait and see.
December 27th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
So now I’m a communist because I can realisticly see past monitary compinsation? I’m not trying to attach your opinion ZZZZZZ, I pretty much agree with you. What i’m trying to say is that from a buisness standpoint its perfectly logical that they waited untill now to do what [Fox] did. From a fan of moives in general, and a person that has been looking forward to seeing the movie since i saw the first production photos It’s just shitty the way that this turned out. I loved Watchen when I read it for the first time, and have loved it every time I have read it since then. I am not convinced that its going to be a good adaptation but I love movies. I love to read about them when they are getting made, and I love seeing the final product. The fact that Fox waited untill the litteral last moment to get their hands on the movie sucks for everyone involved simply because it may get pushed back or possibly not get shown at all. I understand, realisticly that the chance of that happening is .001%[sic] but come on, You dont find it at all, at least a little, I dont know, for lack of a better word, Selfish? Maybe its just me…
December 27th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
OMG Show business is a BUSINESS? Who knew!
December 27th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
You had me all for you man… until you called Watchmen a ‘graphic novel’. People like you don’t seem to have a firm grasp on what a graphic novel is. Watchmen is a comic series that was collected into a trade paperback NOT a graphic novel.
Even people who work at Wizard magazine, who are supposed to be the be-all-know-all in comics, can’t even get this right!
December 27th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
Actually you’ve missed the real reason for the bullshit lawsuit from Fox…Rupert Murdoch was molested by giants. That’s right.
Rupert Murdoch Was Molested By Giants.
Supporting evidence.
1. No Sentinal in the X-Men movies. That stupid head doesn’t count.
2. No giant purple skirt wearing Galactus in FF2.
3. Watchmen has a really big naked Dr. Manhattan.
December 27th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
that whole last paragraph (along with the entire article) was without a doubt the most retarded excuse of imagery or hyperbole i’ve ever read in my life.
DOB: you’re a strange and sick man, my friend. go eat some dicks yourself. while reading watchmen.
December 27th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
It’s what businesses do, and Warners are at fault for not anticipating this before a frame was shot.
I work in television, and if I gave the okay to adapt a property that another company owned rights in, and that company then decided to get what’s their’s when the product was on the verge of release, then I’d lose my job.
I’d lose my job because I’d failed to ensure that all the legal matters surrounding the source material, all the copyrights in the novel, had not been dealt with in the development process.
The blogger here doesn’t seem to understand that and he also lacks basic good manners; go easy on the sugar and take deep breaths, this film will be released, and whether or not one big corporation or another reaps the financial reward should be of no concern to a so-called fan like yourself.
If indeed you really are a fan of Watchmen then you’d understand that implicitly.
Best,
Pete (unreconstructed Marxist)
December 27th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Re: PFICTION 94
“Capitalism, realy? Is that the short minded retort that people can instantly come up with.”
Actually, yes it is. Because it’s the truth. Too bad you may not seem to like that; you and others who are now flaunting the awesome hammer and sickle of the USSR like the proud Americans that they are. Nice, for a country who went through the Red fuckin Scare.
I would’ve been on mark with you for the most part, aside from that stupid sentence you probably consciously inserted, trying to negate my use of ‘capitalism’ and dismissing it as a “short minded retort.” It’s ok though. You only know so much.
Truth is, fox is still in the right, WB is in the wrong and you’re just gonna hafta get over that. Supposedly Harry Potter was pushed to the summer b/c of the Twilight craze that overtook this season. But I don’t hear any HP fans cussing up a damn storm b/c of it, even though it is annoying as all hell.
December 27th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
50 years Osmosis, at least in the USA thats how long they get, so Fox even after waiting 20 was still WELL within their legal timeframe to get their mother fuckin movie check.
December 27th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
From the NY Times…
“Fox acquired rights to the “Watchmen” graphic novel in the late 1980s for the producer Lawrence Gordon, **** but eventually dropped its own plan to make a movie from its story ****, about the underside of life for superbeings.
“Mr. Gordon later pursued the project with Universal Pictures, and then with Paramount Pictures, before shooting it with Warner and Legendary under an arrangement that allows Paramount to distribute the film abroad.”
Ummm… don’t studios have a legal department responsible for due diligence in securing rights before a film goes into production? Did they just take Gordon’s word for it? And don’t options lapse after a certain period, certainly less than the 20-odd years Fox has held on to the rights? Wouldn’t DC have at least given a heads-up regarding who owns the rights? They are owned by Warner’s after all.
Very little about this clusterfck makes sense to me. To me, the coverage of this business is lacking in some important details, unless I’ve missed some more detailed article.
December 27th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
So, if I understand this right (and I probably don’t), FOX claim they have rights to distribute Watchmen in the US. So what’s to stop Warner distributing it in the rest of the planet only, thereby labelling it an import on US soil - albeit one of the biggest imports in history.
Sure, it’ll cost a wad of bucks to pull off, but at least that cash won’t go to line FOXs greedy money grabbing pockets.
And that’s what it’s all about, right?
December 27th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
HEY PFICTION 94, I understand what you mean with the whole “green knows no bounds” thing. I think that Fox has every right to their money, but over a year ago when the movie was being made by WB they could have been like “Hey, we own this, and well we want money” That would have been fine, and i’m sure that WB would have simply given in and that would have been the end of it. Waiting untill the movie is 3 months from being released, well into a pretty heavy marketting campaign they decide “oh shit, we can just ask for whatever the fuck we want now because, they cant do shit about it” That is greed my friend. Getting more money than neccisary to find a common ground. Rich getting richer. Again, I agree that Fox is 100% right but damn, its real shitty the way it went down.
December 27th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
We cant lay all the blame on Fox even though i would like to, the truth of the matter is that WB sold the film rights to something they owned to another company because at the time comic book movies weren’t popular. Fox sat on their asses and did nothing with it which is a travesty i admit but honestly WB should have set some better restrictions on the property like i don’t know some sort of time frame that when expired the property would revert back to them.
Both companies made stupid decisions but Fox was less stupid in the end they didn’t have to sign any actors or write a script or film a second of footage it was all done for them.
December 27th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
*ZZZZZZ* in response to what you said, I totally agree with Fox getting their money, its theirs to get. Capitalism, realy? Is that the short minded retort that people can instantly come up with. If it was any other situation people would be saying how shady the whole thing is. Face it nimrod, you’re just as bad as everyone on here advocating Fox’s “Dick Eating” because you took the time out of your day to give them recognition for what they are saying. I know that WB had to see this coming and they will do what they have to do to get the movie released on time, because not doing so would loose them money, and they are sure as shit going to make more on releasing the film and paying off FOX. The shitty part isnt what fox did, its how they did it.
December 27th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Fox is right. They deserve their money. I think that it was bad timing for the fans but genius for the buisness. Thats the way it works people. Fox is right, WB fucked up. Now, that being said I am truly bummed that this might push the movie back. I am in no way excited about the movie as an adaptation of the comic, because lets face it, to compare it to the comic would be an act of futility and lead to nothing but big fat steaming dissapointment. I do think that the movie is going to be amazing…AS A MOVIE…not as the adaptation. Fox FTW!
December 27th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
Wow. First destroying the Alien franchise, now this.
They should change their name to “20th Century Fucks”.
December 27th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
HAHAHAHAHA
you’re all lame as HELL. “greed truly knows no bounds”?!?!! ok dumbass, it’s called a business and it’s called capitalism. if you have the fuckin rights to something and someone else just swooped down to scoop it away and stash away all its benefits, you’d be pissing your pants with anger, regardless of how much money you have. what, did you expect fox to just be like “yeaaa, sure you can have it. do w/e, be rich and happy.” dumbass. you’re all just bitching b/c it’s fox. if it was any other company, you wouldn’t think twice about it.
what a bunch of pricks.
December 27th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
wow….really, wow.
here’s an idea….if you all really think the movie is gonna suck so bad, DON’T FUCKIN WATCH IT!!!!!!!!!
i bet 99% of you didn’t even KNOW any of this was the case. now you read some SOB’s lame ass article about how he’s pissed b/c his childhood comic book is gonna suck balls, like most other comic book movies, and you’re all on the bandwagon of feeding people dicks. i didn’t even finish this piece of crap. you all need to wake the hell up and stop pretending like you actually care about something that really doesn’t even matter.
peace out.
December 27th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
Fox is technically right, and also technically a piece of shit. I understand why they did what they did, when they did it. What makes me so mad is that after the product is finished….not even in production anymore…FINISHED…they go ahead and whip out their cocks and tell WB to start sucking. Now to be fair if I was sitting on a proverbial gold mine and someone tried to take it from me without getting my share, I would be a little salty to say the least, but Fox has to feel some kind of…something…for Pissing all over possibly one of the biggest movies of 2009. I say WB needs to suck it up, and pay Fox for their douch baggery and get this movie released on time. A delay could only make things worse for both parties involved. Its a sad Christmas season indeed. Greed truly knows no bounds.
December 27th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
YEA! Jackson Johns your totally right, i mean i hope wb and fox sue each other to death AND NOT METAPHORICALLY! i hope people lose their jobs because of a movie that you feel wont be good because its just a movie and not real life but will see it anyway because growing up you dreamed of being one of the characters. i for one really like nipples on fictional characters (and don’t think of batman, because he is real) i am one of those people who are “too stupid” to have read the watchmen but i used to think it was because i had never heard of it before but i guess you can get mad at people who are ignorant, and not just the ones who choose to be. i like watching adaptations of things i’ve never heard of be put on the big screen and are updated to be semi-relevant no matter how much they destroy the original content, thats what makes me tick! if you want to complain about the movie there is a website called IMDB.com where people will read your comments and care as much as i don’t. and your comment about Shakespeare to chimps, who says we are better than chimps? we do and we’re biased, like fox news, this is where it all ties in.
December 27th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
this is the stupidest piece of crap i’ve ever read. yuppies hating on fox is getting so, so old. this was just a pointless rant from someone who has absolutely nothing better to do than think about feeding people dicks and just whine some more about pointless, unimportant shiz that about “statistically speaking” only 1% of the population cares about.
just go read the comic (again).
yay jackson johns, for a perfectly decent and valid comment.
December 27th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
Fuck you Fox, you fuckin queer cuntfucks. I want you dead
December 27th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Everyone complaining is a moron.
DOB’s not pissing his pants over watchmen, this article is about Fox and their ridiculous business antics. Whoever thinks this article represents an “obsession” with watchmen needs to join Fox in eating the dicks because you’re too worthless to ever succeed at reading comprehension, therefore…life.
December 27th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
After reading this poorly written, unfunny rant about fox eating a bunch of dicks, I’m left wondering how anyone with the intelligence to read Watchmen and potentially understand its deeper messages could possibly be excited for a Zach Synder adaptation of the work. Everything I have read about this movie has made my skin crawl, from the Ozymandias nipples to the replacement of the the giant psychic squid with a nuclear bomb (a change that arguably makes the many of the events of the story totally unnecessary and prevents the goal of fostering world peace between the United States and the USSR by presenting a common alien threat to come to fruition at all).
Honestly, I couldn’t care less if Warner Brothers and Fox decided to sue each other into oblivion over whatever, but the fact that the greatest graphic novel of all time is about to be raped on screen while you gibbering idiots hoot and holler like it is the greatest thing you’ve ever seen is making me want to just start setting fire to movie theaters. It’s like showing Shakespeare to a bunch of chimps. Basically, if you’re excited for this movie you’re either too stupid to have understood Watchmen when you read it, or you’re too stupid to read it, or your brain is defective in some other way that may or may not be related to Watchmen.
God, how this pathetic species ever made it out of the trees is bloody astounding sometimes.
December 27th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
If you’re so obsessed about Watchmen, I think you would be satisfied with it as it is, an absolutely brilliant and profound comic book, as oposed to a summer blockbuster by a “visionary” director of action flicks…
December 27th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
this holiday season some children (and studio execs), sadly, will go without dicks to feed their cock hungry tummies. please donate today to the Cocks for Fox Society and one day we may reach our goal of providing Fox with enough dicks to keep them from pitching any more movie ideas.
December 27th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Actually, far from “sitting on it,” Fox had been trying to make this film for most of the time that it had the rights. Several prominent directors (most notably Terry Gilliam) were working on the film for quite a while, but the project was never in a position for it to be a “go,” whether due to script issues or scheduling. This is not in any way unusual, the films that you see released in theaters account for maybe a hundredth of what is currently in development hell, and “Watchmen” is a particularly difficult property.
Warner Brothers did make a mistake by going ahead with the production without checking whether or not they owned the rights. While you can make a case that Fox shouldn’t have waited so long to sue, it is unambiguously their property, and Warner (essentially) stole it.
It does no good to blame Fox for the “Star Wars” prequels, by the way; George Lucas had complete creative control over them, and produced them mostly in-house. Fox just distributed the films.
December 27th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
You know what I think.
I think everyone should go to the theatre, pay to see the watchmen. Then buy it on dvd. and then you know what they should do?
Not buy another damn fox movie EVER. pirate the hell out of them. Just Fox, because they suck.
December 27th, 2008 at 11:53 am
@ Andrew - You’re an idiot. If you don’t want to give FOX money, then don’t go see Watchmen or buy it on DVD, that would prove your point. Going to see Watchmen is exactly what FOX wants, and if you hate them so much then you shouldn’t pay any money to see it.
December 27th, 2008 at 11:51 am
I’m not gay.
I say this first, because those of you that know me, know that though I am fat, rotund, huge, and though I admit to having had dick in my mouth, I am not really gay. So, what is this watchmen thing? Sounds gay to me.
Don’t like me? Few do. Go ahead, Google me!
Love,
Horseonovich
December 27th, 2008 at 11:20 am
Could you be more wrong. WB broke the law, they had no legal right to make a movie based on property FOX owns. FOX is completely in the right here.
December 27th, 2008 at 11:16 am
I just wanted to say thanks to all the people pointing out that this article is not going to have a big effect on the multi-billion dollar company FOX. I really had no idea. I’m sure DOB will be upset now, but in time he’ll thank you for your keen insight into how the world works.
December 27th, 2008 at 11:14 am
Hey, retards…its called WATCHMEN, not THE WATCHMEN.
December 27th, 2008 at 11:11 am
I just wanna see Rorschach in the prison riot scenes. I wanna hear Big Figure’s death gurgle.
December 27th, 2008 at 11:07 am
Who’s up for a pirating party?
December 27th, 2008 at 11:03 am
it’s true, 12 pack. bacon is king.
December 27th, 2008 at 10:23 am
Daniel, you are wrong.
When you wrote “Eat all the dicks”, you forgot the word greasy.
Otherwise, great article. Fox royally fucked up the Die Hard genre and anything with Star Wars or Indiana Jones in the title. They don’t deserve Watchmen, the holy grail (arguably) of graphic novels.
Oh yeah, you can always find someone who loves Fox. They always have dick breath.
Bacon rocks. Watchmen rules. ‘Nuff said.
December 27th, 2008 at 10:16 am
Not ALL the dicks. I certainly don’t want MINE being eaten by Fox. A total fox, yes, but not the Fox movie studio.
December 27th, 2008 at 10:11 am
On the Movieweb site I read this:
“Fox picked up to the rights to the Watchmen graphic novel in the 1980s with Lawrence Gordon on board as producer. Fox eventually moved on and Gordon set the property up with Warner Bros. and Legendary Pictures. ”
Now, I don’t know if Gordon had the right to do that, but I applaud him on attempting to see this film through. And, indeed, I believe that Fox can go ahead and go all gastronomical on some male genitalia.
December 27th, 2008 at 9:49 am
Dear Luke–Bacon does not need spices, because bacon is the best thing ever. Period. There is no discussion over bacon. DOB made the correct simile when he chose bacon, because bacon in any and all forms is perfect without any kind of addition to it.
Dear DOB: thank you for letting the internet know just how perfect bacon is all on it’s own, without anything else next to it or along side it. Bacon is the perfect meal. I pray to bacon. If i ever were on death row and had to choose a last meal it would be a pound of bacon, with another pound of bacon on the side, topped with a third pound of bacon, and I would keep a little bit of bacon just to sprinkle over the top of my meal just in case there wasn’t enough bacon on it.
Also, I would drink bacon if I knew that were possible.
Thank Bacon for DOB, and thank DOB for bacon…because one is certainly responsible for the other, and at this point I don’t care who gets the credit, because I love ‘em both.
December 27th, 2008 at 9:45 am
I think you are wrong about one thing. Warner Bro’s does have money stashed away for this. You really think their lawyers didn’t know this could happen? Give them some credit, they were prepared for this.
December 27th, 2008 at 9:27 am
Anyone who thinks FOX doesn’t deserve this money, should boycott the movie when FOX distributes it. If all the people who are whining over this, avoided the movies, it would actually take a decent chunk out of FOX’s profits. Nobody is going to do that though, cause you don’t know what it actually means to stand up for something you believe, you just want your precious movie, and for some reason you care who distributes it. Don’t act like this is such an outrage when you know very well you’re just going to go see it nobody who you’re giving your money to, so just shut up and wait for opening night.
December 27th, 2008 at 9:11 am
Fox is a piece of shit. End of story.
All you FOX fuck tards should go a eat a dick right along with Fox.
FOX blows. kthxbai.
December 27th, 2008 at 9:11 am
If I had the rights to the Watchmen film, I’d wait until Alan Moore was dead before making it, then spread rumours that he took a copy of the script with him to the grave and fully endorsed a big screen version of his baby.
I’d also wait until biology evolved to the point of squids being able to method act, then put one back in the film
December 27th, 2008 at 9:06 am
Oh please, Volker and Luke and like commenters.
They’ve been making great sci-fi movies for decades, without the aid of high-tech, state-of-the-art CGI. If someone has a good idea, they can make it work without all the dazzle that seems to be considered a necessary element in any good movie these days. Some of the movies remembered as being the best in the sci-fi genre were produced over 20 years ago now - Aliens (1986), the Terminator (1984), Back to the Future (1985) … shit, Star Wars was released over 30 years ago, 1977. You might say that the special effects capabilities may have been beyond the visions of the writers at the time, and that may have been the case - but you can’t say that prevented them from making some excellent movies.
And if Fox thinks that top-notch special effects are a prerequisite to a good science fiction flick, then it demonstrates their lack of understanding as to what actually makes a movie good. But I suppose we should expect this at this point, being as it is the company whose latest big-time endeavor, The Day the Earth Stood Still, is by all accounts a shit sandwich with some great special effects that cost about 80 million to make.
In fact, look back at Star Wars if you want an example of what happens when a director gets too reliant on special effects. The first 3 Star Wars films were pretty damn good, all internet slander aside, while the last three were godawful, and that’s solely because Lucas decided that cool looking shit was more important than, say, a cohesive plot or good character development. In the end we want flash and dazzle in our movies, but the Star Wars saga is proof positive that we actually want some solid substance too, or we’ll feel like we’ve wasted our time. Because at that point, we have. Fox should know all this by now, as I’m just some guy at a computer at 9 am and they’re an incredibly large corporation in the business of making movies.
So don’t say that Fox was simply waiting for CGI to get to where they could put together this movie the way they imagined it. DOB got it right on the money here; they saw that Warner was going ahead and let it progress to the point that they could play their hand and make a killing without lifting a finger. I applaud Warner for their bravery (and possibly, artistic vision) and shake my head at their sheer stupidity from a business standpoint. Whether or not they make good movies, Fox is a pretty well-run business and WB had to know something like this could and probably would happen.
So, yeah, to back DOB (who’s right and who has produced yet another incredibly funny article) - they should realistically eat all the dicks. I bet they’d be happy to eat a dick or two - had I all that money coming in for no work on my part, I’d be able to eat some dicks with a goddamn smile on my face.
December 27th, 2008 at 9:06 am
Perhaps Mr Murdoch heard about a certain absent squid, and wants to put the world right by adding it back in to the movie. Perhaps the moneygrabbing cunt is a fan of some vital-to-the-plot sushi.
Or perhaps he is just a money grabbing cunt.
December 27th, 2008 at 8:57 am
DOB, you’re a moron. You are so obsessed with this movie that you are blinded by reality. Fox is the genius here and WB is retarded. Fox understands capitalism. They don’t care that they never made the movie. They’ll likely profit more in this situation than they ever would have making it themselves. Fox made an investment, and that investment is paying off.
What I cannot fathom is the stupidity of WB for making a movie without controlling the rights. MPAA eat your heart out. This is the ultimate in copyright infringement. The MPAA should be after WB, not me
December 27th, 2008 at 8:56 am
ITS JUST LIKE PATENT LAW PUBLIGSHING AMBIGIOUS PAPERS ABOUT SOME DEVICE YOU THOUGHT OF ALLOWS YOU TO SUE THE PANTS OFF THE PERSON THAT ACTUALLY CREATED THE INVENTION
December 27th, 2008 at 8:21 am
Cracked Article polarizes commenters. Says one anonymous source “Meh.”
But hell, I liked it.
Question: Why didn’t Fox sell the rights before? No, really, why?
-A
December 27th, 2008 at 7:49 am
I’m rather optimistic that Fox has buried a Roger Corman directed version of “Watchmen”.
December 27th, 2008 at 7:21 am
Agreed 100%
Fox can eat a bag of cock
December 27th, 2008 at 7:17 am
Truer words have never been spoken.
December 27th, 2008 at 7:14 am
I think you’re making some pretty big assumptions here buddy. As you quoted “the movie rights to the most important graphic novel of all time, and you just sat on it for a couple of decades” …
If i had purchased bacon today, but knew I’d have better spices to add to my bacon tomorrow, i’d wait….
Bacon being the movie rights and spices being the technology/special effects … which again would make sense considering in your own words this is THE MOST IMPORTANT GRAPHIC NOVEL …
take a valium, enjoy the movie if/when its released.
Warner Brothers should eat dick for not researching the rights.
Just like a dick eater who buys an incumbered vehicle … you can use that vehicle, paint it another colour, but it still aint your car dip shit. oh by the way,
YOU EAT DICK.
December 27th, 2008 at 6:38 am
@Volker: The phrase is “would have,” not “would of.”
December 27th, 2008 at 6:35 am
I love this article through and through. I hope they go home and realise the only thing in their fridge are dicks.
Thank you Daniel O’Brien.
December 27th, 2008 at 6:30 am
You my friend are a tool and an idiot. If FOX would of made the film when they had purchased it, or at any other given moment from then until now, it wouldn’t of been what WB made it to be. What i’m trying to say is, how do you know exactly that FOX wasn’t planning on producing The Watchmen? Has it ever fucking occurred to you that CG hadn’t caught up to the imagination of comics in the last oh 10-20 years? Idiot. You should honestly get off the fucking fanboy train and go fuck yourself.
December 27th, 2008 at 6:22 am
[...] by zuarmfuerdiempu under Film, fanboyism Eine kurze Abrechnung eines Watchmenfans mit FOX: Back in the 80s, Fox purchased the rights to a Watchmen movie and celebrated by not making it for 20… [...]
December 27th, 2008 at 6:19 am
Good work fox, you officially suckface, and as it turns out, you suck dick as well!
Also
Go eat a dick (Phrase of the week)
And yes the first three star wars were a hit, bravo, but this is watchmen, so go eat a dick (20th Fox)
(Hi-five to DOB, and Hi-five to TheMasses for not saying “first”)
Ah why not, Hi-five to all of you!
Except Fox who can go eat a dick
December 27th, 2008 at 6:13 am
LOL, Chuck717. I think your just agreeing with StMaybe just to find an excuse to bash DOB! And don’t start mouthing off like you know socialism, you twat. Why don’t you go eat some dick with FOX too.
Oh and its spelled HammEr. KTHXBAI
December 27th, 2008 at 5:40 am
Gotta agree with StMaybe.
I think this is just an excuse to bash Fox.
You really wanna bash Fox for doing wrong, think Firefly. That is where they did wrong.
Otherwise you are simply whining about toher people’s property rights mister hammar and sickle.
December 27th, 2008 at 5:27 am
I have waited FOREVER for this movie it seems and when it is finally about to be released Fox pull this shit! They could have made it 20 years ago, hell they could have made it 5 years ago. But you know what? im glad they didnt because they would not have given the project the respect it deserved i.e. it would have been crap.
Warner on the other hand realised that they were making a movie about the greatest and most respected comic in history and treated it accordingly. As the author of the above post has said they worked hard and spent a boat load of cash to bring that vision alive and Fox just waited to make some easy money.
Fox as a company are just a bunch of parasitic hyenas and have been for a while now.
For shame !
December 27th, 2008 at 5:19 am
1) Just because something has only recently been reported (and it was actually reported quite a while ago) doesn’t mean it’s a recent event. These negotiations have been ongoing, they just become newsworthy when there’s a bit of hype close to release.
2) Why did they make the film in the first place? You can’t do something without owning the rights to it, and if you are under the assumption that you’ll be able to get them in time for release (similar to organising live music events before securing planning permission) then you had better be damn sure it’s a good assumption.
and also…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_20th_Century_Fox_films
December 27th, 2008 at 4:56 am
By far the funniest and most upfront and straight to the point…except for the eggs and bacon bit(which just made me hungry).
You Sir have a talent and I look forward to reading more when someone pisses you off!
December 27th, 2008 at 4:45 am
You, Mr O’Brien, are a glorious glorious man
December 27th, 2008 at 4:26 am
[...] http://www.cracked.com/blog/fox-can-eat-several-dicks [...]
December 27th, 2008 at 3:48 am
[...] Watchmen nut? LOST fan? Leave your fanboy opinions below! Spread the Word: [...]
December 27th, 2008 at 3:29 am
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absolutely extramarital relationship. but more and more services come out on Internet focusing on this kind of
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December 27th, 2008 at 3:15 am
I laughed so hard that I cried. I feel precisely the same way, yet you put the anger in such poetic terms, Dan.
I now bestow upon you a virtual hug.
Cherish it.
December 27th, 2008 at 3:08 am
ahaha
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=763vmCrRBDg
December 27th, 2008 at 3:02 am
Man, I almost feel sorry for Fox having to eat an acre of dicks. Almost.
December 27th, 2008 at 2:43 am
I can see the first page of variety in a couple of months, FOX DIES OF DICK INTOXICATION: after eating several dicks movie studio FOX died of dick intoxication, after eating one billion dicks.
The epitaph reads “NOT NEARLY ENOUGH”
I agree 100 percent with the article, hell this buytherightsandnotusethem shit being pulled by studios lately is getting fucking old. The case of the halo movie comes to mind after reading this, i for one hope fox eats all the dicks and spices them with some shit… like their movies.
December 27th, 2008 at 2:23 am
That was fucking beautiful…. Bravo my good man!
December 27th, 2008 at 2:19 am
DOB, come join us on the imdb…
December 27th, 2008 at 2:18 am
It’s rare that you see a movie that isn’t movie-like.
December 27th, 2008 at 2:11 am
hmm..
This article assumes a movie-like movie like when the criminal confesses to the murder. Sorry my friend. the legal system is a lot more complex than you think. This has been coming for a LONG LONG TIME. Welcome to 6 months ago..
December 27th, 2008 at 2:10 am
Oh, hell yes. ..
Those thing are bad for you.
December 27th, 2008 at 2:07 am
Cry more noob. I don’t give a shit about some petty crap about how someone is portrayed. The story survived then it’s good.
December 27th, 2008 at 1:55 am
YES
December 27th, 2008 at 1:54 am
I don’t think I’ve laughed so hard in a long time…
December 27th, 2008 at 1:49 am
FUCKING AWESOME….no really that was the shit….well said
December 27th, 2008 at 1:39 am
this is pretty much the best thing I have ever read. Well done sir, well done.
December 27th, 2008 at 1:29 am
I know I’m late to the party here, but you are amazing.
December 27th, 2008 at 1:25 am
I’d not heard of this before now but I’ve totally got your back.
What annoys me is that they are taken money that was meant for somebody else, exactly as you said. I wonder how many pay checks had to be cut to payoff Fox for all their “hard work” (read complaining or sitting around not making movies). Damn hippies…
December 27th, 2008 at 1:17 am
Absolutely spot on! This is the best fuck you letter I have ever read in my life.
Fox are nothing but cock vampires. They lust for cock, they dont even use their hands, they get on a fucking spring board, hands behind their back, and go face first mouth open into a field of hard cocks.
Eat dick indeed!
Daniel, you are the fucking Jack Bauer of open letter defecation.
Rock on
December 27th, 2008 at 1:11 am
I hate Fox with a passion for doing all of this BS. I’ll add my name to your letter, only with the proviso that you add that I hope they choke on them.
December 27th, 2008 at 1:02 am
Didn’t Fox start legal proceedings in the beginning of August?
Yeah, they really waited until the last minute.
December 27th, 2008 at 12:57 am
Funny you should mention that, because Rupert Murdoch wouldn’t permit the release of the new Watchmen movie unless the head of Warner Brothers sucked his dick.
December 27th, 2008 at 12:47 am
‘Acre of dicks’ had me laughing for at least 2 minutes, great as always DOB
December 27th, 2008 at 12:46 am
This article’s POV hinders on the idea that Fox struck at the last minute, which is a total fabrication. Fox has been in contact with Warner Brothers about Watchmen since 2006, filed a C&D back in August 2007, and although no one was reporting about the lawsuit until a few weeks after the first Watchmen trailer was shown before The Dark Knight, it was filed in February of this year. This is no surprise attack, WB wasn’t blindsided, this article just spreads more BS.
December 27th, 2008 at 12:41 am
Now I don’t support pirating, but Here’s an Idea, Pirate the Movie, if the people that made it and slaved on it worked hard on it, but then all the money goes on fox, just pirate it, that way Fox knows not to try this shit again.
I hope Fox eats shit and all the dicks as you say and makes no money, I wholly encourage you to pirate pirate pirate this movie, even if no one reads this comment, to the few that do, even if you don’t think it makes a difference, pirate this movie and buy a dvd of one of zack snyder’s movies just as a thanks for making an awesome movie.
December 27th, 2008 at 12:41 am
I didn’t plan to comment twice, but reading the comments made this even more absurd; WB owns DC? Meaning that Fox PAID WB a sum of money to eventually make this movie, and WB then took the money to fund creating that very movie? That they charged Fox the rights for? What? That’s like if you buy land, but don’t use it for anything for a while (perhaps saving up to build your dream house, or for no reason at all, doesn’t matter), so the guy who sold it to you takes your money and builds a skate park on YOUR land; yeah, I think you would not only demand your money back but, because you really wanted THIS land and paid for it and had plans for it (unless someone can prove Fox didn’t), but you would want some extra cash, or a portion of the profits from the skate park, for being fucked.
And at least two comments have stated that Fox either sent a cease and desist order well over a year ago, or at the very least, there was a protracted legal dispute going on behind the scenes over that time period. Either way, this was not a “last minute move”; this was a LONG move that just so happened to get settled in court just recently. WB wanted to have their cake and eat it too.
December 27th, 2008 at 12:40 am
Yes.
December 27th, 2008 at 12:38 am
For what it’s worth 20th Century Fox has had some pretty big hits, one franchise you may have heard of: Star Wars. Also Die Hard and the X-Men films, including the new Wolverine movie.
Fox had the rights to the movie, and WB didn’t secure them before production. That’s their fault. I don’t see Fox doing anything wrong here. I understand that Rupert Murdock is an easy target to hate but it’s not like it was him who held back the production to WM for 20 years.
/$.02
December 27th, 2008 at 12:31 am
The funny part is, if everyone online who has been whining and complaining about this situation on various message boards (or commenting on articles about it (!) or are otherwise writing somewhat eloquent reasons why FOX may be legally in the right but are utterly wrong morally and logically) actually, you know, flooded FOX studios with hundreds and thousands of e-mails voicing both displeasure and an intent to boycott future FOX productions, I’m sure all that hatred might actually MEAN something.
As is, I read an article like this, I chuckle, and then I move on. And FOX could give a rat’s ass, because they’re still going to get paid - and who gives a damn what the Masses think when everyone knows they’re just going to sit back, grab their ankles, and take it?
December 27th, 2008 at 12:30 am
Yeah, poor Fox. I feel much worse for the people I will kill when Dr. Manhattan (with glorious genitalia) becomes a villain, thereby destroying the plot, and subsequently my life.
December 27th, 2008 at 12:22 am
“*sigh* It’s all this hype and anger towards FOX that makes me want this movie to never be released, just to watch the shit show that would hit the internet as a result.”
And I’m sure there’s plenty of extra dick for you to munch on as well.
December 27th, 2008 at 12:20 am
FOX will eat a lot of dicks over this!
What ya think?
Time to be evil!!
Let’s Rock!!!
Kitty Pryde/ShadowCat is HOT!!!
Baldness is cool!!!
December 27th, 2008 at 12:18 am
@Grapehead and asdfasfd
ok, you’re using a metaphor but not fully applying OR using common sense within it.
if you’re neighbor seriously had 1mil, a law said you could have half of it, and the question was “would you take it,” the correct answer is “i would talk to my neighbor about it.” You know? put yourself in his shoes; if you had a 1mil and your neighbor had the choice to take half, would you respect him more if he came to you and said, “hey man…..is this cool with you?” i know i would. i would possibly even give him half just for being cool about it. that’s what deserves rewards these days.
and this applies to Fox too. from what this article implies, Fox sat quietly without mentioning it whatsoever to WB and then, when it was all said and done, ran crying to the courts and got them punished like your brother who walked in on you masturbating. i mean, sure, he could get you in trouble for it, but is that really any of his business?!
December 27th, 2008 at 12:17 am
I love you.
Amen to this whole thing. Holy shit.
December 27th, 2008 at 12:15 am
Dear honorable fan,
Consider them eaten.
Love,
Robert Murdoch
December 27th, 2008 at 12:12 am
While this lawsuit certainly has EVERYTHING to do with money, it doesn’t entirely have everything to do with “Watchmen” but I believe it has much MORE to do with the 1960s “Batman” series which starred Adam West.
I think in much the same way that the Oswald the Rabbit/Al Michaels trade worked between Disney and Universal (Al Michaels was on ABC/ESPN owned by Disney and moved to NBC owned by Universal. In trade, in addition to money trading hands, Universal finally relinquished it’s hold on “Oswald the Lucky Rabbit” the first creation of Walt Disney (preceding Mickey), which he created as work for hire at Universal, and gave the character, finally, back to Disney studios (a DVD boxset tin of Oswald is now available for sale)).
What I mean by this: the Batman TV Series is in DVD limbo. The rights to the character, of course, are in the hands of Warner Bros. BUT, the rights to the PROGRAM are owned by 20th Century Fox. If Fox blocks Warner Bros. from releasing “Watchmen” it is VERY possible that the resolution of the negotiations will be a compromise that allows “Watchmen” to come out on time IF Warner Bros. finally allows Fox to release the Batman TV-series on DVD. Of course, Fox may ask for a percentage of the Watchmen box office and Warner Bros can ask for a percentage of the DVD sales of Batman in exchange (which should be entirely fair).
Thus, of course, being a Win-Win not only for us, as fans, but for BOTH of these companies.
December 27th, 2008 at 12:10 am
That.Was.Great.
December 27th, 2008 at 12:08 am
“from what this article implies, Fox sat quietly without mentioning it whatsoever to WB and then, when it was all said and done, ran crying to the courts and got them punished like your brother who walked in on you masturbating. i mean, sure, he could get you in trouble for it, but is that really any of his business?!”
Sorry buddy get the facts straight, the author of the above article is misinformed, and spewed lies and misinformation. Fox did not sit quietly, they notified WBP 16 months ago to cease and desist, WBP ignored them and continued. Fox filed suit 10 months ago and again SBP ignored them and pushed forward. Those are the facts, not the soured fantasy of false claims posted by the author to support his side, rather then provide a balanced factual argument.
Yeah poor WBP too, didn’t they file a $69 million dollar lawsuit again CBS the day before this ruling under very similar circumstances, but with the shoe on the other foot? Yep they sure did.
December 27th, 2008 at 12:06 am
Regardless of whether or not Fox was right about this, I don’t think anyone has the right to stop anyone else from complaining about this just because “lol Fox owns the rights.”
Well-written article/essay, and “We want to see Dr. Manhattan’s glorious, blue genitals majestically flopping on the big screen.” is now a part of my online forum signature.
I’ll still be seeing this movie, as I am a huge fan of Watchmen. Never did like Fox or WB anyway, so while I’m pissed at what Fox did (and I think it’s unethical), I understand the whole “business” perspective. Like I said, however, I won’t be a hypocrite and I won’t stop anyone from complaining.
December 26th, 2008 at 11:54 pm
@Grapehead
“You’re telling me that if a law said you could have half the millions of dollars your neighbor worked his whole life to get, you’d say “nah, I don’t want no money, I’m content over here scraping by”?”
1) Did you just admit you would have no problem sitting on your ass and then stealing half of your neighbors lifetime of diligent work? That’s… pathetic.
2) Fox isn’t “scraping by.”
So I agree, suck a bag of dicks Murdoch.
December 26th, 2008 at 11:47 pm
Dan O’Brien, I kind of love you. This totally made my week.
And Fox definitely needs more than an acre of dick.
December 26th, 2008 at 11:43 pm
*sigh* It’s all this hype and anger towards FOX that makes me want this movie to never be released, just to watch the shit show that would hit the internet as a result. You’re telling me that if a law said you could have half the millions of dollars your neighbor worked his whole life to get, you’d say “nah, I don’t want no money, I’m content over here scraping by”? That sir is a load of shit. It’s really easy for anyone to sit around and say “FOX is doing it for the money, how petty, what assholes” because none of you are in a position where you could have a lot of money within your legal rights, if you just fight for it. Nobody discussing any of this crap, since it came up, has the ability to go to the courthouse and open a morally-grey lawsuit against someone for a ton of money. There’s a reason they have laws and copyrights and contracts in the world, this is just a perfect example of why, in my opinion Warner Bros. deserves all this mess for being stupid enough to go ahead with making the film without first making a deal with FOX.
December 26th, 2008 at 11:40 pm
Wow, what a bitter but well written article. I’m highly amused that, despite the content, this does count as a completed essay. One that if turned in to a teacher that graded fairly, would earn an A.
December 26th, 2008 at 11:35 pm
Maybe not the nicest thing Fox has done, but look at it this way; Fox had to pay a bunch of money for these rights, while WB didn’t. That’s BS. It’s not unusual for a company to buy rights and wait for a dry spell, or the right director, or actor, or writer, to make the film. Regardless, Fox also didn’t have free money sitting around, they had to take it out of their profits to buy these rights, hoping to get money later. But WB decided to jump in, without spending the cash to get the rights, and make the movie, meaning Fox just wasted all their cash. It’s only fair that Fox get money to cover A) what they paid for those rights and B) at least a reasonable amount to cover the fact that someone else made money on rights they purchased. Frankly, WB was utterly stupid, acting like no one would notice them ripping someone off, and they should pay for it.
BTW, I saw the Dark Knight, on opening day, at the opening show; there was no such trailer. So, I’m guessing only some areas had it.
December 26th, 2008 at 11:31 pm
“The only dick that needs to be handed out goes to the guy at WB who green lighted a movie without securing the rights first.”
I’m sure that even with Fox and Murdoch eating all the dicks, there’ll be plenty to go around for people like you to get their fill.
Fox deserves to eat all the dicks as well as take them up the ass. Murdoch needs a sex change so he can get DVDA’d with all the dicks. If ‘Watchmen’ is delayed by one **second** Fox and Murdoch need to get every hole they have stuffed so full of dick that they burst.
Fox - The “F” is for “FAIL”
December 26th, 2008 at 11:30 pm
Awesome… Awesome way to tell Fox to eat dick. Especially the part where you came out of the shadow and: “Surprise! Eat a dick!”
I for one would have made a time limit where as if they did licensed the movie for make, give a “Release Date” within “2 years” and if that date is passed, they can not make that movie unless they relicensed it.
But a license is almost a lifetime isn’t?! Stupid loop hole!
December 26th, 2008 at 11:27 pm
Dob, that was priceless and amazing. I applaud your work. I loved the watchmen and I couldn’t have said it better myself. I can’t wait to see this movie. I just wish that the rightful creators of this would get they’re just sums for creating such a masterpiece.
Hey fox “Suck it long and suck it hard.”
~Kyro_kun
December 26th, 2008 at 11:25 pm
“Get some facts straight”
Speaking of eating dicks
December 26th, 2008 at 11:24 pm
on a film that FOX had NO INVOLVEMENT in.
Except they own the rights.
End of story.
December 26th, 2008 at 11:19 pm
DOB you fucking rock. Amen!
December 26th, 2008 at 11:05 pm
I love you forever, DOB.
December 26th, 2008 at 11:02 pm
I don’t effing care about who’s shafted who, as long as I get to see the damn movie soon.
December 26th, 2008 at 10:57 pm
“…you went back to your apartment and watched the trailer on Youtube over and over again and experienced an odd yet not totally unexpected sense of profound sexual arousal that you could really only describe as spiritual.”
my life story right there
this article is amazing and true and I really wish that Fox gets anally raped with a pitchfork
December 26th, 2008 at 10:55 pm
um what about warner bros. suing cbs…..should warner bros. eat several dicks too? in the end stfu u douche, ur still gonna see the movie no matter what happens. i think ur eating warner bro dick. pointless rant.
December 26th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
Um, what needs to happen is simple: everyone needs to boycott all Fox movies until “Watchmen” is released. If Fox makes one red cent off of it, then don’t go see it in the theaters, watch it on TV, or rent it from a rental house. Pirate it so you don’t pay Fox one iota of a dime. If just ONE movie was boycotted like this, it would more than negate any filthy lucre that Fox would gain from “Watchmen”, and if it were to continue for even six months Murdoch’s tyranny would be so cash strapped they’d have to give in or face bankruptcy.
We need to do this, even if it’s just to prove to the suits in Hollywood that the fans are more important than their own need to masturbate their egos.
December 26th, 2008 at 10:52 pm
The usual call for DOB fans to unite. http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/pages/Daniel-OBrien/45034426016?ref=ts
December 26th, 2008 at 10:45 pm
Get some facts straight. Fox wasn’t sitting on the movie, they own the sole distribution rights, the movie was allowed to be shopped around for production but Fox still held the sole distribution rights and if shopped around Fox was supposed to be compensated for it’s ownership investment. This is all clearly written out in the contracts for the movie, contracts that WBP totally ignored when they decided to produce the movie. Quite different from your made up story of Fox sitting on it and doing nothing.
Fox issues C&D August 2007
Fox files suit February 2008 after WBP refuses to comply with C&D
Again they didn’t jump in right before WBP was about to take a bite as your analogy suggested. WBP was well aware Fox was enforcing it’s ownership 16 months ago and continued to proceed ignoring the C&D issued by Fox. Even stepping up production and hyping it’s release while involved in a court case.
WBP pushed the issue, hyped up stolen property, and got dealt what they deserved by the judge.
Maybe now WBP will pay for the rights rather then try and steal them!
December 26th, 2008 at 10:21 pm
Well of course they wanted to postpone the release of this movie all this time so it would coincide with Project Blue Beam.
December 26th, 2008 at 10:05 pm
As much as I wanted to see this movie, I’ll reread the book 20 more times and nobody’s going to get my money.
I am SICK and TIRED of this circus of greed always raising its tents around anything of any value.
I loved the book.
I also love “Shatter” (©1988 by Micheal Saenz & Peter Gillis) and I absolutely refuse to support anybody who attempts to murder the artistic vision in that book.
December 26th, 2008 at 10:03 pm
meow meow meow
December 26th, 2008 at 9:56 pm
The whole Fox ownership thing comes from Alan Moore signed the film right to his work to Fox. From there we get From Hell (decent, non memorable and poorly cast, even with Johnny Depp) and the cinematic failure of LXG a movie so atrocious that Moore himself took his name out of all future works. Now while this was going on other works of his like V for Vendetta (surprisingly entertaining while maintaining the source material’s message) were being made Fox did nothing. Now we have Watchmen, a movie not just from WB but distributed internationally by Paramount and produced by Legendary with hint that it’s a DC Comic (although its Vertigo brand took over subsequent book releases). The point is while Warner got shafted what about the other parties involved where’s their stake? Speaking about Titanic’s domestic releasing partner Paramount what deal would they have to pull off to make Fox happy. WB is not in dire straits since DC or Vertigo has to be mentioned and the both of them are part of WB but a move like this should only point out a sense of desperation on the part of Fox.
December 26th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
To Daniel O’brien
While I agree with you about your statements towards FOX, I need to let you know that Warner Brothers are also a bunch of “dick eaters” so to speak.
Warner Brothers recently prevented the game “Batman - The Dark Knight” from Pandemic studios from being released due to their greed.
The general details are that WB learned about the use of “The Joker” script that was given to Pandemic Studios by Chris Nolan. This was originally planned for Ledger, but due to his death Chris Nolan felt that he couldnt do anything with it. That is, anywhere but the virtual world.
The game needed just a little more time which would of been provided had WB not stepped in and demanded a chunk of cash that rendered the project too expensive.
I am really pissed off at this because it was going to be such a good game. Amazing environments, tech, and story. Not to mention everyone that worked on it for years to be truly heartbroken.
So there you go, In a way I hope Fox and Warner Brothers kill each other.
They are both money hungry dick eaters.
December 26th, 2008 at 9:44 pm
As much as I want to, I refuse to see the movie in the theater as well as renting/buying the movie release- not getting my money. I’ll wait for it on TV.
December 26th, 2008 at 9:42 pm
I love Warner and Fox, but I think DOB is the new boss in town. Well said sir, I hope they eat em.
December 26th, 2008 at 9:37 pm
Didnt’ you realize why the company named it “20th Century Fox” ?
Because they simply F U C K S anything no a days.
@FoX
Eat dicks, eat a lot of dicks,
December 26th, 2008 at 9:37 pm
yeah, all that being said. too bad this movie is going be a F*&ked to death pile of flaming CaCa. that’s right i said it. as much as i love the book, and hope that the movie doesn’t suck, its going to. mark my words.
December 26th, 2008 at 9:27 pm
Bravo, DOB. Fox ruins everything. Everything TV and movie related, anyway. Like how Blizzard ruins everything for videogames. Like when they took over Activision and the game we’ve waited 20 years for (hint: it rhymes with Toastbusters) got put on the shelf until next year despite being more than halfway done. Or when they showed us awesome videos for Starcraft: Ghost then decided not to make it. I hate Blizzard. I hate them so much. …I guess that’s for another article, though.
Hey DOB, that gives me an idea. Can we save some of those dicks for Blizzard to eat?
December 26th, 2008 at 9:24 pm
“All’s fair in love and war.” I see no mention of business here so who says they have to be ‘fair’?
I doubt that there are very many multinational companies that follow a true ‘code of morality’. Their ‘missions’ are usually to increase shareholder value. The real question is who are the major shareholders, this seems like money feeding money again?
Whilst FOX have the legal right to protect their ‘property’ the real issue as you’ve stated is one of timing. This ’smells’ suspiciously like the turkey being fattened up prior to Thanksgiving.
Just had a thought. It would be truly awesome watching Dr. Manhattan chase after a thanksgiving turkey, I can see it now,
flop flop flop flop flop, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble!
December 26th, 2008 at 9:20 pm
“You will never have eaten enough dicks”
I’m gonna make a t-shirt…
December 26th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
The last paragraph made me so happy to read. Your mastery of the English language never ceases to amaze me.
December 26th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
Yeah, but… WB is *also* a massive greedy corporation. Their entire purpose is *also* to make ridiculous money. They failed to cover their arses legally and as a result, one massive company will pay another massive company a big old wodge of money and none of us will be remotely affected. Except maybe the movie will be slightly late.
December 26th, 2008 at 8:59 pm
Hey, Fox?
Eat all the dicks.
Love Don, Pat, and Joe
December 26th, 2008 at 8:56 pm
Sorry dude, but Fox most likely bought the rights to Watchmen in the 80’s in hopes that there would be a worthwhile market for it in the future (there just wasn’t back then). Furthermore, people at Fox were paid to make the decisions as to what to buy the rights to (buying the rights to something like this is not cheap). If anything you should be mad at the Warner Bros. (who buy the way do this all the time to other companies. In fact they are the worst when it comes to over-inflating rates for licensing rights, ask anyone in the business). It was the Warner Bros. producers who did not do the due-dilligence when they greenlit the movie… They are not idiots and they know that you cannot just make a movie without first buying the rights from whoever may own them. They had to have either seen this coming or they are the most naive people in the business.
ps. the talent and contract workers will still be paid for what they were contracted to do, it is Warner that will take the full hit on this one.
December 26th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
Ditto!
December 26th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
Dude, I’m GLAD Fox waited 20 years to make this movie. In fact, I’d be willing to wait 30 years, to ensure that the movie is the best it will possibly be. Could you imagine some 1987-era piece of shit with shitty technology sucking up the movie universe with it’s suckery? Yeah, that’s what we would have had back when Fox bought the rights. That WB had it’s collective head up it’s ass only tells me that they deserve to be reamed on a giant, glowing, blue pole for trying to take a property that isn’t theirs. Hey, WB, what ya say Fox go ahead and make that Deathly Hallows movie you’ve been fucking around with and pushing back, back, back?? Didn’t think so.
While I’m far from a fan of Murdoch (did a college paper on the bastard back in 1998…didn’t like him then, don’t like him know), I gotta say that the man is a media genius and will have kegs full of money more in his wallet than everyone on this board PUT TOGETHER will see in their measly, pathetic little fanboy lives.
December 26th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
i just hope the movie comes out in 2009. I really have been waiting for it.
December 26th, 2008 at 8:20 pm
I am very much opposed to the piracy of films…but I think this is one that people should jump all over. If the money isn’t going to the people that made the film…then fuck paying for it…lol. Download that shit….burn off extras….sell them to your friends… Apparently you don’t have to make the film to distribute it…so….i’d like to see several different distributed copies of Watchmen. DO IT DO IT DO IT…lol
December 26th, 2008 at 8:16 pm
If you agree with the above, I encourage you to boycott newscorp, the parent company of fox. There’s legal, and then there’s ethical…
December 26th, 2008 at 8:15 pm
I wish I had said that.
December 26th, 2008 at 8:10 pm
close your goddamn parentheses
December 26th, 2008 at 8:07 pm
[...] [...]
December 26th, 2008 at 8:00 pm
As a hugeangous Watchmen fan I’d like to take a moment here, if I may … to place my dick on the table for Fox to gobble. Feel free to partake of my balls as well you greedy fucks … there’s plenty for all of you there at fox.
December 26th, 2008 at 7:57 pm
amen.
amen.
a-watch-men.
Fuck yourselves FOX.
At least you won’t need a corporate bail-out when the time comes for the entertainment industry to need.. but ONLY because you’ve wronged Warner out of big buckets of money that they rightly deserve.
Ass holes.
Warner still has Batman.. something FOX will NEVER be able to touch. Warner still has a billion dollar property called Harry Potter.. Fox will never be able to touch. BUT FUCK FOX anyway.
December 26th, 2008 at 7:53 pm
WB owns DC, FOx owns rights to movie. SO technically both own the rights, and WB will win by owning DC, so therefore nulling a 20 year deal Fox once had.
December 26th, 2008 at 7:53 pm
ha ha fox does indeed need to eat acres of dicks for there stupid whining crap
after you come out of the shadows, i will too and ill be like eat all the dicks indeed!!!
December 26th, 2008 at 7:44 pm
Ah, go it a dick “20thFox”.
December 26th, 2008 at 7:44 pm
100% truth, DOB. avid watchmen fan here, been following this thing for a while. the most confusing aspect for me now is whether or not to spend the money on it. i mean.. im sure i will.. but morally. do i give them money and split it between ppl that actually made the movie doing an awesome job to give me a quality experience AND a bunch of money grubbing dick eaters? or do i keep the money specifically to spite fox, also spiting WB and zach snyder at the same time..
what to do.. what to do…
December 26th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
Wait, so the first three Star Wars movies weren’t a decent hit?
December 26th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
Yes, eat all the dicks indeed.
December 26th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
What exactly is your complaint? I have no especial love for huge corporations, Fox or Warner Brothers, but there seems to be no argument in this article. Are you advocating changes in the laws concerning movie licenses? Or do you just love explaining a situation, then whining at one of the parties involved?
December 26th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
The only dick that needs to be handed out goes to the guy at WB who green lighted a movie without securing the rights first.
Why didn’t FOX go after them sooner? Perhaps they didn’t know they were still holding the rights to the Watchmen movie? Perhaps they assumed that WB had somehow acquired the rights since they were in production on the film?
It is far more likely that someone in the FOX legal department raised the issue when they first heard WB had the movie in production and then spent the rest of the time getting all their legal ducks in a row to bring suit.
December 26th, 2008 at 7:36 pm
SLZ said: “Doesn’t copyright law state that if something is changed a minimum of 10% from it’s original source then it no longer qualifies as copyright infringement?”
No, this isn’t correct. While making substantial changes would require that the new work have a new and separate copyright application, the law covers derivative works saying that the rights holder is the only one that can authorize the new version. So no luck there.
December 26th, 2008 at 7:28 pm
Keep fighting the good fight, DOB
December 26th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
Okay, for the last fucking time, I’m sorry I ate your bacon!
December 26th, 2008 at 7:24 pm
Ah-fucking-men. Well written.
December 26th, 2008 at 7:11 pm
Melvin has a point, misguided as it may be. Doesn’t copyright law state that if something is changed a minimum of 10% from it’s original source then it no longer qualifies as copyright infringement? If the ending of it was changed for the movie, wouldn’t that constitute a large enough change for it not to fall under the original copyright? Not to mention that FOX likely never had a full screenplay written up for the movie translation and were just merely planning on borrowing from the storyline to make a craptastically bad movie that would flop anyway.
December 26th, 2008 at 7:09 pm
dude… best. article. ever. lulzicle? fuck yes. measuring dicks in acres=correct.
December 26th, 2008 at 7:07 pm
Well that settles it for me. I wont be going to see the movie in theaters now on the notion that it’s going to be lining FOX executives pockets. Guess I’ll just have to resort to acquiring the movie in my own special ways. There should be some sort of statue of limitations when it comes to situations like this. Yes, FUX bought the movie rights twenty years ago… and did nothing. Yet, WB owns the rights to the entire DC Universe. Universe. That’s a mighty big word. I would imagine it is within their rights to do whatever they so please with anything that falls into that category. It just seems like it should override a long past purchase that was never utilized. If anything, WB should find a way to turn this around on FOX and claim they owe half the production costs if they are having to share the profits on a film that FOX had NO INVOLVEMENT in.
December 26th, 2008 at 7:01 pm
I somehow doubt that FOX is the one we should turn to to iron out faults.
You have to think, Fox could have stopped WB at ANY POINT during the creation of this film. They waited until the EXACT SECOND that the film was finished, and THEN they made their move. They obviously weren’t interested in protecting their intellectual property, they were interested in either screwing WB or making a quick buck or both.
Fox is legally justified in what they did, but we don’t have to like them for it.
December 26th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
Oh, man, that last paragraph was gold.
It’s really unfortunate that the Watchmen movie is going to suck anyway. Rumor has it that Snyder has changed the ending. Yeah, literally changed the fucking ending. Either he’s a total douche or he’s sitting in an ice castle somewhere, twirling his curly black moustache and marvelling at how huge his balls are. And that sexual arousal feeling from the teaser trailer (yeah, I got it, too) stopped after the cold shower that was the theatrical trailer.
Oh, and Rorschach’s voice in the teaser was awesome. His voice in the theatrical trailer? Well, let’s just say I won’t be too surprised if he comes out screaming, “Swear to me!”
December 26th, 2008 at 6:55 pm
WB messed up and didn’t check who owned the rights, simple as that, WB shouldn’t have made a Watchmen film. Moore is totally against a film of Watchmen and he’s probably laughing at all the shitstorm.
I think it looks shite anyway, no great loss, I’ll stick with the Graphic Novel.
Up the upside maybe FOX will iron out some of faults with the film if they get their hands on it, I heard that if the film is played at normal speed as opposed to slo-mo it’s only actually an hour long!
December 26th, 2008 at 6:53 pm
[...] Here. [...]
December 26th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
what else would anyone expect from News Corp…
December 26th, 2008 at 6:31 pm
I am in no way suggesting that Fox was justified, but WHY DIDN’T SOMEONE AT WARNER BROS. CHECK TO SEE WHO OWNED THE MOVIE RIGHTS???
I mean, it must have been public record, and sure, Warner Bros. owns DC… but owning the comic book =/= owning the movie rights (which is why spiderman won’t be meeting Iron Man onscreen anytime soon).
It would have been a simple deal to buy the rights, or if not, at least maybe (the most horrible of options) to collaborate with Fox to get this movie made.
I truly appreciate that Warner Bros. had the guts to make this movie anyway, but what caused them to miss the fact that they didn’t own the rights?
December 26th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
@ FollicleMan “greengoddess. I have something for you to smoke instead of weed. Here’s a hint: it isn’t measured in acres.”
No, it’s probably measured in single digit centimeters.
@ Rupert Murdock, I know where you live and you better get that big fat money stick out you your ass and let WB’s release that movie or else.
If you have any doubt about my resolve, see what I want to do to Vladimir Putin, you fucking Kangeroo Jack motherfucker.
December 26th, 2008 at 6:20 pm
@ erinthebitch
You’re talking about Heroes ripping off Watchmen and you cite Sylar’s power resembling Manhattan’s? What with all the themes (and at least one major plot point so far) that they did rip directly from Watchman, you could have said something that actually made sense, like the fact that they’re both sons of watchmakers for example. Because Sylar doesn’t have anything close to Dr Manhattan’s powers (except for the fact that they’re both devastatingly hot, natch).
Just to clarify, I may believe Heroes steals from Watchmen, but I still love the show. It would be impossible to make it without some theivery from the book that turned the superhero world on its head.
December 26th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
SigmundsFraud, the movie is called “The Watchmen”.
December 26th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
Not to change the subject, but has anybody else noticed that Manoj’s punctuation vocabulary consists entirely of exclamation marks and “lmao”?
December 26th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
Yeah, I can’t wait to see The Watchmen, especially after I loved A Dark Knight so much.
December 26th, 2008 at 5:35 pm
I can’t bring myself to give a shit, but that’s because I don’t see why “this is a good comic book” automatically equates to “this must be made into a movie”. Seems to me like Fox are just asking to be paid for thinking the same way.
December 26th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
This is my Rupert Murdoch eating all the dicks series of emoticons:
{;{|○=8
{;{○=8
{;{=8
{;{8
{;{=8
{;{8
{;{=8
{;{8
{;{=8
{;{○=8
{;{ ○=8
Then he sighs and starts again.
December 26th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
greengoddess. I have something for you to smoke instead of weed. Here’s a hint: it isn’t measured in acres.
Also, Robert, I call ‘em graphic novels to distinguish them from ongoing franchises that don’t have defined beginnings, middles and ends. It’s less cumbersome to say than “Comic book miniseries collected within a single volume.” Thus, Amazing Spider-Man #187-212 = Comic Book, whereas, say, Maus = Graphic Novel.
December 26th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
What I hate about the movie is that now Watchmen won’t be underground anymore. its like xkcd:it’ll still be amusing, but I wont enjoy it as much, knowing that everybody else is to lazy to read the damn book but will still know everything about it.
December 26th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Has anyone mailed this off to Fox. I think it should be done.
December 26th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
Hey, maybe we could use this time to bludgeon FOX into bringing back Firefly. Or Futurama. Or…….
December 26th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
On a related note I want to hug Caegn for that anecdote but I’m scared to give them any physical contact.
December 26th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
Who is Brian you self lmaoing dick?
I don’t know what I’m more offended by, you lmaoing at your own blog or calling DOB Brian.
December 26th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
After reading the fanboy mail to Fox, I guess Brian’s gonna throw himself out of the window if he reads the stuff I wrote in my blog dedicated to Watchmen movie and Graphic Novel lmao -
http://watchmen-movie-book-info.blogspot.com/2008/12/dr-manhattan-jonathan-osterman-watchmen_04.html
December 26th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
Please, marry me, DO’B.
December 26th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
@SigmundsFraud
The Watchmen Movie.
December 26th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
Every time someone insists on calling a comic book a “graphic novel” I become less interested in it.
There is nothing wrong with a comic book, there is no reason something called a comic book can’t be a great literary work.
Oh and if for some reason you think that being labeled a comic book is somehow something to be ashamed of, let me clue you in, you aren’t fooling anyone by calling it something else, you are just calling attention to your own insecurity and casting the work in a negative light.
December 26th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
I would agree with you, DOB, if not for the fact that I’d rather keep my dick attached to my pelvis. Oh, and avoiding all the STDs fox most likely has from whoring itself out over the years probably factors into it as well.
December 26th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
I agree DOB. The Fox Corporation is one big dick. Maybe they should eat themselves after finishing the last dicks from the far corners of the earths.
December 26th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
I’m not going to watch this movie in the theaters. I’m going to bootleg the hell out of it, and send Warner brothers ten dollars. Then when it comes out on dvd and blue ray, I’m going to bootleg it again, and send Warner Brothers $30.
Say I wont…
December 26th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
Thank you, sir. Fuck Fox. They don’t have any (moral) right to anything the Warner Bros. Watchmen earns. Also, it’s nice to know you really dig Watchmen.
December 26th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
I had a dream once about an acre of dick. There they were just growing wild from the ground. In full bloom if you will. Swaying softly in the breeze… I dug one up, and there were it’s little ball roots. Like two little potatoes. It was magical. I thought to myself, “self, there’s only one way this could possibly get any better.”
So I ran home and got out my lawnmower.
On a related note, my therapist won’t answer my phone calls anymore.
December 26th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
So you claim to be a fan, but you call it “The” Watchmen??
“The”…?
December 26th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
sooo…it’s not going to effect you in any way?
December 26th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
Just because it’s legal doesn’t make it right.
December 26th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
dude!! you rock. thank you for that letter
December 26th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
Yeah its bad enough that a fuckton of money has been spent on it already(over 100 million I’m told), fox god damn you warner brothers already owns DC comics. fuckers.
December 26th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
This is my Rupert Murdoch emoticon:
{;{
I believe it is the best emoticon.
December 26th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
I have to admit, seeing the trailers for the first time just now, the movie looks damn good. Way better than I expected, at any rate. It’s just… Alan Moore adaptions are always ruined somehow. That’s the rule of thumb.
From Hell? They morphed the fat, good-for-nothing misogynist into a ruggedly handsome psychic, made HIM the main character, only having the original main character appear in a few choice scenes, turned the whole thing into some kind of a murder mystery, and added a love story and a happy ending.
V For Vendetta? They morphed the ruthless anarchist into a romantic freedom fighter, the would-be prostitute into a TV reporter and fascism into neo-conservatism, and added a love story and a happy ending.
The Extraordinary League of Gentlemen? Uh… OK, I don’t actually remember anything about that one. I’ve prolly supressed the memory.
Anyways, Watchmen already kinda sorta has a love story, so they didn’t have to superimpose one, but I’m still almost 100% certain they added a happy ending. Besides the fact that the original ending was depressing as all hell, I just don’t think that kind of shit would fly in the post-911 political climate.
December 26th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
There’s really nothing to say that hasn’t already been said. Warner Bros. was offering me the best, truest incarnation of “Watchmen” I was ever likely to see and Fox–in the most ERECT of dick moves–stomped all over it.
So, as you said D.O.B., eat the dicks Fox. Eat ALL the dicks.
December 26th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
Speaking of eating dicks and Watchmen, has anyone noticed that Syler from Heroes’ powers are just like Dr. Manhattan’s?
My point is that the writing staff from heroes should enter some kind of dick eating contest with Fox.
December 26th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
This is awesome
December 26th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Yeah, I do have to agree, it was a monumental asshole move. But a smart asshole move nonetheless.
Oh, and your obsession with dicks, where to find them, how many of them and where to put them, is starting to border on the crazy homoerotic side, lol. Flop, flop, flop.
December 26th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
I nearly bought a copy of The Watchmen when I saw it in a shop.
But I didn’t, the cruel jester of embarrasment and trying to look attractive without the use of rock-hard abs tormented me.
WHY!?
WWHHHYYYY!?
December 26th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Fox didn’t ruin me.
December 26th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
Oh and any jackass that buys bacon and doesn’t do anything with it should choke on Dick Mountain.
Bacon is INCREDIBLE.
December 26th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
dan (not o’brien the other dan) said something about that the movie has to redeem the book?
Redeem Watchmen?
Fuck you!
That is all.
December 26th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Its absolute prick like behaviour what they did regardless of legality.
What’s worse is that now there’s a legal precedent for this type of bullshit.
December 26th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
@someone: The closest I’ll come to reading or watching Twilight is laughing at Gladstone’s HBN about it. I miss Gladstone.
December 26th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
“You… did not do any of the work…, but you’re still going to make money… [T]hat’s a concept that I don’t quite understand, and I never will understand it.”
Which is why I vote conservative. Welcome to the political right.
Sorry, just felt a political comment was due
December 26th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
… They’re making a Watchmen movie?
December 26th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
@ A Bunch of You-
To anyone who said some variation of “Fox was within their Legal Rights to sue” or “Warner Brothers shouldn’t have taken it” or something else, I know. I agree with you, and I tried to make that clear in the post. My problem was and is just how transparently dickish they were about what they did. If they’d spoken up a year and a half ago, maybe the movie wouldn’t have gotten made, and they wouldn’t have made as much money. The fact is, they struck at the second when they stood to make as much money as possible, money, I need to stress, that they don’t deserve.
I’m not trying to overturn the decision, and I’m certainly not planning on boycotting the movie or Fox, (I watch House, and I won’t stop unless Olivia Wilde’s butt leaves that show).
But Fox pulled the kind of move that only an asshole would do. All I want to do is call an asshole “an asshole,” and I want to do it in the loudest voice possible and with as many dicks as I can find.
December 26th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
I guess you enjoyed Twilight greengoddess
December 26th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
I did understand, Sai D.O’B., that you were not saying WB was right in this situation. And I agree–Fox was legally correct but dickishly wrong. I think there’s enough dick to go around for all who acted dickishly. I believe you mentioned an acre of dick?
Greengoddess–I think this site is getting a contact high from you. Hell, even I am getting a craving for Funyuns. And I normally hate Funyuns. (Is that how you spell it?)
And now I have to read this graphic novel, and I am furious that I never learned of it before this.
December 26th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Yes, sitting on bacon is probably the worst thing you can do.
December 26th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
Yes, because Warner Brothers has never done anything douchebagidous to make some extra money…oh wait, didn’t they delay HP 6 for no other reason? All studios suck, Fox is just one among many.
December 26th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
Fox may have made some decent movies before, but based on Fox News (which seems to be where their dominant money-making power is now) this movie would try to persuade people to be conservative in some god damn way. You know a really recent Fox release? Google An American Carol. Yep. Fox.
December 26th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
DOB, your way with words is inexplicably awesome. And Fox should eat all the shit dicks, because they actually might like eating all the regular dicks.
December 26th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
@greengoddess: you don’t understand, that’s exactly why this movie is so important! it HAS to be better than the graphic novel. i also read it and did not enjoy it as much as some, but I am still looking forward to the movie because it looks like it will redeem the novel. or it may not. at least its not being made by the jolly dick eating giant of Fox or it would probably be “loosely” based on the book. by which I mean that it would feature the same characters, but they would be battling middle eastern terrorists or some bullshit that Fox loves.
December 26th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
Am I the only one that thought, “hey, before we make a multi-million dollar movie, lets see if we can aquire the rights”
Just me but shouldn’t that be one of the very first things you do, how do you think marvel would react if disney started to do a avengers movie.
December 26th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
As of now, there are 63 dicks on this page.
Also, the word dick has been used 63 times on this page.
December 26th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Hey, my comment registered as happening BEFORE the guy I responded to! WHAT THE FUCK, CRACKED? You KNOW I smoke weed before reading here, are you deliberately trying to fuck with me?
December 26th, 2008 at 1:47 pm
@dan: I know, I know. I don’t understand.
I just wanted to make sure we’re all clear that no matter what my opinion of the Watchmen is, I agree that DOB is the greatest ever and Fox should eat all the dicks.
December 26th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
There Will Be Blood 2: There Will Be Dicks
December 26th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
I agree on almost every word - I agree that Fox is acting like shite and it’s ethicially incorrect AND that they should eat a forrest of dicks (… getting their ribcages full of dicks, untill they explode…)
- but they’ve made SOME good films…
And best sentence ever:
“We want to see Dr. Manhattan’s glorious, blue genitals majestically flopping on the big screen.”. And the picture of Dr. Manhattan, with the “flop, flop, flop, flop, flop” in the description, just made my day!
Good work… No.. Brilliat work!
December 26th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
Every nerd I ever dated BEGGED me to read the Watchmen. When I tell them I don’t like comic books, they haughtily inform me that it is not a “comic book” but a Graphic Novel (this is so funny to me!).
I finally relented and read it for my ex-husband. I hated him for a week for wasting an evening of my valuable reading time with that shit. I couldn’t figure out what half the pictures were because they were all just lines everywhere and day-glo colors. The writing bordered on the moronic. All the characters were cardboard cutouts with one note personalities.
After all the glowing reviews I’d heard over the years, I have to say I was disappointed. I am aware that my opinion is colored by my pre-existing bias against comic books (sorry, Graphic Novels) and my disgust and hatred for my ex.
The only way I’d see this movie is if it was written by David Mamet, directed by Terry Gilliam, and starred Val Kilmer as Dr. Manhattan. Flop flop flop flop flop….
I’m not trying to start any shit here or change anyone’s mind (as if!). I just thought I’d offer and opinion. You know, from someone who hated it and actually read it.
Y’all have fun at the movies…
December 26th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
Another page of epic win by DOB
while i`ve never read the graphic novel, I can share the sentiment.
When companies pull this greedy-fuck “Business” and fans get screwed
along with the hard-working people who want so hard to make wonderful things
it really makes me wonder, “Why bother to try anymore?”.
Articles such as this however, pull me out of that thought and bring me
somewhere that helps me cope with money-grubbing asshattery and epic greed.
I sincerely hope you sent them this letter and didn`t just post it for our enjoyment. If you did, I will find a way to bribe a security guard or someone at FOX…fuck it…they don`t deserve capitilization…fox headquarters to duct tape their president to a chair and force him to read it…aloud…in falsetto while wearing a schoolgirl uniform
on camera
yeah…I think that`d about do it
December 26th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
Ok, whoever you are, the only good movies on your little list are the Die Hard trilogy. My life would have been better having not seen the rest (need I mention Jaja?) So you sir, may i say for everyone (DOB included i expect), you sir may share some dicks with fox.
December 26th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
And don’t forget, these dick-eaters killed Arrested Development.
December 26th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
correction, fox should eat an eacre of donkey dick, that would be a mouthfull
December 26th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
shit. i just got this graphic novel, but haven’t read it just yet. i feel a little late to the party. that is a dick move though fox. maybe i’ll buy the rights to the u.s. treasury, and then starting taking EVERYONE’S money. that would be nice.
December 26th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
“We want to see Dr. Manhattan’s glorious, blue genitals majestically flopping on the big screen.”
This is the best sentence written on Cracked.com EVER.
December 26th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Star Wars prequel trilogy
Independence Day
Home Alone
Predator
Die Hard series
Simpsons Movie
Juno (Searchlight)
Little Miss Sunshine (Searchlight)
Napoleon Dynamite (Searchlight)
Borat
Any Marvel franchise (X-Men, Fantastic 4, etc.)
Ice Age series
Night at the Museum
Cast Away
Walk the Line
Mrs. Doubtfire
Edward Scissorhands
Titanic (international)
While not all of these movies were necessarily “good,” they were all undoubtedly successful, some record-breakingly so. Guess which company made them?
December 26th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
You know why 20th Century Fox never made a movie of it? Because the awesomeness that is The Watchmen is unfilmmable! And they knew it. The reason they sat on the rights for so long was because they couldn’t find anyone decent enough to bring it to life in a way that would do the novel justice. And from what I’ve seen in the trailer, WB couldn’t find anyone either. The movie’s going to suck fat, hairy balls. What FOX did was smart, in my opinion. This way they get to profit from the film (should they decide to release it) but the blame for it’s instant suckiness will go to WB and that hack who did “300″.
December 26th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
Great article Dan, I’m glad to see this issue publicized by some one that matters.
I think you should come see ‘The Spirit’ with me. We can eat gummy snacks, if that’s something that would interest you.
December 26th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
Nosferatu5:
Sandman wasn’t really a graphic novel though. More of a series.
December 26th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
To Will Jones, esq.
Actually, Fox had a choice, as the issue is far more complicated than presented here. While what you said is true if the issue were so cut and dried, Fox actually gave the producer of the movie permission to go to other studios to make the movie in exchange for a buy out. The lawsuit was over two issues related to that buyout: 1. The producer and Fox had different ideas for how much Fox was going to get (I assume the contract was confusing) and while the producer paid Fox, Fox says it wasn’t enough and 2. Fox claims that part of the deal was to keep Fox informed of plans but the producer did not while the producer says he went to Fox and was rejected, at which point he said he’d take it to WB and WB then bought the rights for the title “Watchmen” from Fox. The movie then went into production rather openly and Fox did nothing, even though they had to know the movie was being made. Finally, when it was completed and ready to go, they sued. That’s why Fox should eat all the dicks.
So, Will Jones, normally I would also tell you to eat a bunch of dicks for our comment, but it’s a weird issue and I doubt everyone has followed the case as much as a fanboy like me. So I only hope you actually read this instead of going about your day feeling self-satisfied that you helped reestablish legal precedent on cracked. I know I will feel satisfied that I defended WB and DOB and attacked Fox.
Also, Fox. Eat all the dicks.
December 26th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Will,
I’ll toss out some DOB to refute you.
“And if you did want to make it, you should’ve spoken up when the movie was first announced. ‘Hey, Warner Brothers, don’t make that movie. We own it, and we will make it, we’re just very slow.’ That would’ve been fine.”
Do they own the rights? Yes they do. But why didn’t they stop it at the outset instead of wait? They acted legally, but horribly unethically.
By the way, “eat an acre of dicks” has gone into my insult book. Well played DOB, well played.
December 26th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Dude, I just gotta say, laughed my ass off reading your article.
I didnt know much about the Watchmen before seeing the trailer,
but I have my on grievances with production companies when it comes to making adaptations of things i love. So i sort of feel you pain.
Side note, FUCKING LOVE the title of your article.
brilliant.
take care
December 26th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
Somebody should let Keith Olbermann know about this story, he uses any excuse to fuck with Murdoch.
If Olbermann puts the story it on his show, it will get national attention and maybe Fox with be so shamed by their dickery that they won’t try to take such a big cut of the profits from the movie.
December 26th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
Well, at least they don’t have the rights to the REAL most important graphic novel series of all times - The Sandman by Neil Gaiman.
December 26th, 2008 at 11:56 am
I have been thoroughly displeased with Fox for a number of years. They just like to kill awesome things. “Hey Joss Whedon, cowboys in space? Lemme just cancel that after half a season.”
“Oh, what’s up, Mitchell Hurwitz, you’ve got a brilliant Emmy winning sitcom? Well that’s fantastic, but we’ve got this game show coming up where Jeff Foxworthy calls people dumb so you’re out.”
“You’re proposing a show where people sing karaoke and then the lyrics go away? Hilarious! Here’s millions of dollars.”
Then again, this seems awfully in keeping with what DC did to Alan Moore. Poor Watchmen.
December 26th, 2008 at 11:54 am
Daniel.
The hardes part here is that Fox NEEDED to do what they did. They really didn’t have a choice.
Warner Brothers broke the law and said FUCK YOU to Fox. They took something that Fox owned (the movie rights) and then took it and made a movie (knowing that Fox owned the rights).
now Fox has 2 choices. Do nothing (and that is a REALLY bad idea), or sue.
It wasn’t some dastardly evil scheme to make extra money.
This is about copyright, and intellectual property rights. Those rights belonged to Fox. And if they do not actively stop another company from taking their property rights, it sets a horrible precident about copyright.
Now I am all for creative commons, and whole heartedly against copyright. But legally, Fox HAD to go after them over this movie. If they didn’t protect their intellectual property, then what will be ripped of next? how about another Simpsons movie, but made by pixar? Or some other piece of their property. If they don’t go after it in the courts, it sets a horrible precident for them.
December 26th, 2008 at 11:54 am
Rorschach would own FOX!!!
December 26th, 2008 at 11:51 am
Fox presumably bought the rights, back in the 1980s, off the original creators of The Watchmen, thereby giving them (Alan Moore and some other guy, if I remember correctly- I gave my sister the book for Christmas) money they would love to receive. Mmm, money. As long as that money is more money than Alan Moore +1 would receive from Warner Bros if they still owned the rights, it’s all good.
Also…shouldn’t Warner Bros have ASKED who owns the rights before they made the film?
December 26th, 2008 at 11:43 am
i had a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich on an english muffin right before i read this article
December 26th, 2008 at 11:39 am
So what? Fox just took advantage of a good situation. They invested in watchmen 20 odd years ago and waited untill the best moment to cash in. Its called buisness and thats what FOX and Warner Bros do. Im sure Warner has also pulled moves like this and even slimer sh*t so get over it and just be happy the movie got made.
December 26th, 2008 at 11:34 am
Yeah, Fox was within the law. And, if you’re complaining about the law being unfair, why aren’t you complaining about the law being unfair to the author, who doesn’t want in adapted to a movie in the first place?
If that’s the logic, all the people who worked on the movie are just leeching off the author, and all fanboys are going berserk because they’ll have to wait a few more months to see their piece of masturbatory Hollywood garbage.
December 26th, 2008 at 11:31 am
True dat.
December 26th, 2008 at 11:22 am
Gourry, you are a douche. I don’t even really read graphic novels and I’VE heard of The Watchmen. So I would like you to eat my figurative dick. Please and thank you.
DOB, you are sexy when you talk about dicks.
December 26th, 2008 at 11:21 am
I, too, watched that trailer on YouTube numerous times throughout the first week of my hearing about the movie. We were ready to ignore the fact that Rorschach had a bad accent and Dr. Manhattan sounded wimpy (and not Godlike like everybody imagined) and that the ending was changed, that’s how ready we were to watch the movie. We even had plans on who were going to see it together, etc.
Like DOB said, Fox has all the right, all the right in the world to sue, and all the right to win. The thing is they’re doing it now. NOW. ONLY NOW. Three fucking months from being released in cinemas? Who wants to help Warner Bros. bake a cake? Not I, said the Rooster. Not I, said the pig. Not I, said the Fox.
Why the FUCK didn’t they say anything earlier?
So, yeah, eat all the dicks, Fox. Choke on them too. Big, fat, dripping, infected ones.
December 26th, 2008 at 11:08 am
Yeah, but Warner Bros drew the line in the sand when Fox tried to teabag their girlfriend.
December 26th, 2008 at 11:00 am
Although FOX did pull one of the biggest dick moves of all times (and thus does deserve to eat all the dicks as DOB said,) it’s important to remember that Warner Brothers knew FOX owned the rights all along… yet went ahead and made the movie anyway. The excuse “well, you weren’t using it” doesn’t fly, whether you’re taking someone’s car, girlfriend or movie.
December 26th, 2008 at 10:57 am
Honestly despite it being a dick move by Fox WB I mean a corporation making money over someone elses creative hard work gee that sounds so familiar. Maybe they will know what it feels like to be Alan Moore when he got shafted by DC Comics over royalties with Watchmen and his America’s Best Comics imprint at DC. Let’s not forget Warner fought tooth and nail over Jerry Siegel and Joel Schuster to even get credit for creative credit for creating Superman.
Honestly Warner Brothers should have done their due diligence and actually have checked to see if they had the rights to a Watchmen film instead of assuming since Time Warner owns DC comics that it’s a slam dunk conclusion.
December 26th, 2008 at 10:41 am
Well I’m glad someone said it. Come to think of it I don’t think Fox has even HAD a hit in the last twenty years. Seems to me maybe they should have been working on that…maybe with Watchmen, and like several hundred hours of tape to make sure they made the best movie in the history of, ever, I guess. Or you know, what they did, there’s that too. And what the hell is up with Murdoch in that picture? I’m certain pretty certain he wouldn’t actively try to look like someone’s incontinent grandpa.
December 26th, 2008 at 10:39 am
sherlockzz, I see no problem at all with it looking like Ghostbusters.
Originally Terry Gilliam was supposed to do it, which would have been fucking awesome. The original script was so fucking bad that they canned it.
You’d think that a movie like “Sin City” would show them that the source material is ALL THEY FUCKING NEED. Comic books are basically screenplays already.
December 26th, 2008 at 10:35 am
Arrested Development.
Never forget.
December 26th, 2008 at 10:32 am
There is no underdog here. We’re talking two mega corporations. WB certainly knows the value of owning the rights to something. If you don’t believe me, try making an Elmer Fudd vs. Daffy Duck movie. You will be sued pronto.
I have read that people have passed over making a Watchmen movie for years because it was “unfilmable”. (The said the same thing about Lord of the Rings, btw). It’s probably a good thing that the movie wasn’t made in the eighties. The special effects weren’t there yet. It would have looked like “Ghostbusters”. We lucked out. The time for that movie is now. On the heels of the Dark Knight’s success. The public is ready for it.
December 26th, 2008 at 10:26 am
oh DOB-”an acre of dicks”. I can see them swaying majestically in the breeze. You are an incredible poet!
Keep on fighting the good fight!
December 26th, 2008 at 10:21 am
Here Here!
December 26th, 2008 at 10:18 am
Here Here!
December 26th, 2008 at 10:12 am
Idi Aman, I agree about Firefly. Fox never knows what they’re doing, I stopped being surprised by their shoddy tactics years ago when they cancelled Family Guy.
December 26th, 2008 at 10:10 am
im behind what uncommon said…however gourry cannot eat a dick…for he himself is one.
December 26th, 2008 at 10:06 am
I’m still worried that the movie is going to be an abortion.
Did anyone hear about the supposed ending change? I almost fucking threw up… I hope to god it’s a rumor.
Oh… and Fox seriously needs to get started on the all you can eat dick buffet.
December 26th, 2008 at 10:05 am
The main reason Fox needs to choke on man-meat is for dragging their feet. They should’ve made this Cold-War-themed graphic novel into a movie when the Cold War was still relevant and fresh in people’s minds. I have a feeling all the people too young to know what the Cold War was will be leaving the theater saying, “I don’t get it.” And one of the best graphic novels written will become a flop of a movie because it’s 20 years too late.
And to all those who disparage the graphic novel because you’ve never heard of it… fuck off. If you’ve read it, and don’t like it, you have a valid opinion. If you’re skeptical of it, but are willing to give it a chance, that’s cool too. It means you’re willing to try something new. But to those who don’t know it, and somehow don’t like it, die. Stop making assumptions and then judging the world through those assumptions. That’s the thinking that causes all the world’s problems around prejudice. It’s a mentality that goes beyond comicbooks.
Oh, and the only people who get offended by that are not the reasonable ones (they fall into the “willing to give it a chance” category). No, only the fucktards will be upset.
December 26th, 2008 at 10:01 am
To Gourry, several posts below, wallowing in self-ignorance:
This is not a comic no one has heard of. It is the single most celebrated graphic novel of all time. When Time Magazine released their list of most influential novels of the last one hundred years, “Watchmen” was among them. Mind you, when I said most influential novels, I was not referring to graphic novels or comic books - this picture book with panels, words, and superheroes ranked right next to books by authors like Salman Rushdie.
This is a movie that deserves to me made, and to be made well, and while a powerhouse studio like Fox could’ve pulled it off, they chose not to. In fact, they chose to take no legal recourse until after it was made, hyped, and ready to be distributed. I can understand the shock from Warner Bros, as Fox made no indication they would wait until the last moment, and, like the predators they are, pounce and take the money they do not deserve, as they were not involved in this film process at all other than in the purchasing of the film rights and wasting twenty years of time not making it, and showing no signs they ever would.
So, a dick to you for ignorance, and a dick to you for stubbornness. But mostly, a dick to you for supporting the behemoth Fox, Rupert Murdoch’s Monster, and thinking that a man who owns everything deserves more money than he already has.
December 26th, 2008 at 9:58 am
I love you. For real. I’d suck an acre of your dick(s). (?)
December 26th, 2008 at 9:52 am
I will defend Fox here, because Lord knows a multibillion dollar company needs all the help from the little people they can get in defending their abuses of the spirit of the law…
Sincerely,
Some loser that these companies don’t give a crap about.
December 26th, 2008 at 9:43 am
We should really just Tell Alan Moore that if he can bring us the heads of those in charge at Fox on a pike then none of his works will be ruined again. I’m pretty sure he’s at the stage where he’ll kill now, and I doubt anything can stop him once he starts.
Also I’m going to send Fox a nice big cock to suck on.
December 26th, 2008 at 9:41 am
Let me also add that Fox should eat another continent-sized field of dicks for canceling Firefly.
===D (___)@(___)
December 26th, 2008 at 9:29 am
Yeah, so. what does this mean? well everyone going “the law’s the law, Warner QQ’d”, THIS is what it means: a film that will probably “Serenity” (have a large cult support yet not explode the box office) wil now make less money on paper due to paying Fox, meaning lass studios will want to make big risks like Watchmen, meaning more movies with Sarah Jessica Parker, cos they will make money for sure.
December 26th, 2008 at 9:26 am
This is nothing new to Alan Moore. He’s been shafted by the comic book industry before.
It really is a dick move by Fox to make a fuss now that the movie is almost done.
With all of the crap they’ve pulled in the past, it’s almost as if Fox is trying to show everyone how to be the biggest SOB network in the world.
December 26th, 2008 at 9:19 am
All this anger for some comic book that no one has heard of? Good for Fox for getting their money before this flops. WB should have dealt with the distribution issue before the movie was made.
December 26th, 2008 at 9:18 am
I feel you D.O.B.
But You’re offering all the Dicks.
That includes my dick.
I don’t want them to eat my dick.
I need my dick. Granted I haven’t used it to optimum efficiency in the last few months. That doesn’t mean I don’t intend to use it in the near future.
I fully intend to use it.
A LOT.
So I hope you don’t think I’m some sort of a jerk for wanting to keep my dick un-masticated, by greedy film executives.
I’ll flip FOX the bird, and we’ll call it even.
December 26th, 2008 at 9:08 am
redeye should have some dicks too
December 26th, 2008 at 9:05 am
Don’t worry, DOB. You can go ahead and watch Watchmen. We all know you want to.
I agree with every word you said. SO I’m not going to watch it, even harder than I was going to not watch it before. FOr every person who sees Watchmen while simultaneously not wanting Fox to get a dime of the profits, I will not watch Watchmen another time!
I’m the master of retarded willpower - I’ve no intention of seeing the Dark Knight, haven’t been on a single Facebook page, and now my retarded willpower will extend to the world - I will, for the whole world, not watch Watchmen!
I didn’t want to anyway.
December 26th, 2008 at 9:05 am
Why is my comment registering at the wrong time? I am so confused.
Aarsen and Xeddicus, totally agree, no point wronging the wronged.
December 26th, 2008 at 9:01 am
@ RedEye5’s: “Sure, I believe in free speech, but if you go this far you shouldn’t watch the film at all to demonstrate your hatred of Fox.”
More like the opposite. If you do not watch the movie, it does not express your hatred of Fox, it fucks Warner Brothers because they will have no ROI at all.
If anything, you should boycott anything Fox-made.
December 26th, 2008 at 9:00 am
Gourry: I bet you’d never heard of Sin City before that was made into a film either. Doesn’t mean the movie is gonna flop.
DOB: I hereby pledge my dick to your cause. I have zero problems with Murdoch eating it if it’ll make him sorry for his shitty, shitty actions.
December 26th, 2008 at 8:56 am
Not seeing the movie only hurts Warner Brothers. FOX is going to get paid regardless. Unless FOX ends up with 100% of the profits, in which case they need to eat bullets too.
There is no way to defend FOX here. They’re being greedy, not even just making money, they’re being pure, evil, greedy.
December 26th, 2008 at 8:49 am
LOL, good one dude that is jsut too funny!
jess
http://www.anonymity.at.tc
December 26th, 2008 at 8:48 am
i like that he signed it
‘LOVE
dob’
see how caring he is
he’ll even send love to rupert murdoch!
December 26th, 2008 at 8:47 am
Fox is fucking stupid for not making the movie. I haven’t read the specifics of the case, (and I’m not an IP lawyer,) but it seems like WB is really, really fucking stupid for making the movie when Fox had the rights. So really, both companies should eat a lot of dick. It can be a dick-fest. At least the fans don’t have to suffer, though.
I do encourage D.O’B. to go to law school and become a judge, just because I think his Orders would be hilarious.
“IT IS HEREBY ORDERED that defendant, Warner Brothers, pay Fox the sum of buttloads of money;
IT IS HEREBY ORDERED that plaintiff, Fox, eat several dicks;
IT IS HEREBY ORDERED that Dr. Manhattan’s glorious blue genitals flop flop flop flop on-screen;
IT IS HEREBY ORDERED that Gladstone and Swaim make their own fucking delicious breakfasts, instead of stealing mine, which has symbolic importance to this case.”
It would sure make the law more interesting.
December 26th, 2008 at 8:47 am
That’s a lot of words about a comic book.
December 26th, 2008 at 8:40 am
If Rupert was to in fact “eat ALL the Dicks”… he would be GONE from eating himself
December 26th, 2008 at 8:37 am
That’s quite a lot of dicks. In fact, that’s enough to make me want to read the Watchmen comics.
Also, I’m not sure there’s such thing as a lethal amount of dicks, otherwise Fox’s mother wouldn’t be alive….
Because of the dicks she ate….
Because she’s a whore…
…
December 26th, 2008 at 8:37 am
God bless you d.o.b and may Rupert himself eat the majority of the dicks.
December 26th, 2008 at 8:32 am
Aaaaaamen. Well written, well voiced, good work all round DOB. Rupert Murdoch’s been asking for a mouthful for some time.
Also Res_Ipsa just made this article even better. Props.
December 26th, 2008 at 8:29 am
So?
It was Warner’s fault they started filming the movie themselves anyway.
You bitch about Fox and yell at them to eat dicks and write an entire paragraph about eating dicks, BUT YOU’LL STILL WATCH THE MOVIE.
Sure, I believe in free speech, but if you go this far you shouldn’t watch the film at all to demonstrate your hatred of Fox.
If you see this film after slandering Fox then you’re nothing but a prick who splutters and whines but in the end, does not stay true to his words.
December 26th, 2008 at 8:24 am
The Quick Brown Fox ate all the profits!
December 26th, 2008 at 8:22 am
Well done, Fox. You’ve proven yet again that you’re amoral fuckholes.
December 26th, 2008 at 8:22 am
true..warner does not have specific money tucked away for fox.
however i am certain they have plenty of dicks tucked away for fox
December 26th, 2008 at 8:18 am
Sheesh, DOB, you sure you can spare some of what you eat for Fox?
The law’s the law, not some ‘inconvenient truth’. If you don’t like copyright’s, or ownership rights, or property laws - vote Democrat … I mean, change them.
Sure it is an expensive lesson Fox is teaching Warner, but cry me a river, pussies.
December 26th, 2008 at 8:15 am
Well said. I was going to suggest they go out and, as the cool kid’s say “lick booty” but dicks?
Dicks are much better.