I recently delved into the wretched hive of paranoia and bitterness that is post-election Right Wing forums. Apparently, all that liberal rhetoric about how we’re going to rebuild this country still applies, it’s just that now they’ll be doing it much more literally than initially thought. That’s because time and again, the folks in these forums insist that the nation will be burned to the god damned ground before they see Liberal elitists like Obama change a single hair on America’s sexy, but sensibly-styled head.
You keep your liberal boners away from sweet Lady Liberty, pinko!
And while it could be said that stocking up on a small but furious country’s worth of firearms in order to fight a demographic that is largely armed with optimism and a can-do attitude is a bit of an overreaction, some people see every act of this new administration as a sign of the impending apocalypse, no matter how retarded that might seem:
The day after Election day, gun sales immediately spiked to a record high - mostly out of concern that the new administration would outlaw firearms for private citizen’s use, and only slightly for fear that Obama himself was going to come to every single NRA member’s house that night and steal their childrens’ life force to feed his all-consuming hunger for innocence. Seriously, according to these forum members, that was a genuine fear:
This assumption - that the new president plans to outlaw guns entirely - is largely based on a statement found on Obama’s website reporting that the “president-elect doesn’t plan on taking away hunters’ weapons or a homeowner’s line of defense,” but that he does advocate “common sense controls.” That seems like kind of an innocuous statement to start your own military over, but I guess the Conservative media must have gotten their hands on the alternative version of that release where it was revealed that Obama followed his announcement with a long, uncomfortable silence, before finally busting up laughing, yelling “Psych! I’m totally gonna outlaw me the shit out of some guns!” and then running around the stage high-fiving domestic terrorists while eating the American flag.
But while it may seem like these people are just looking for any excuse to prepare for violence instead of pursuing more peaceful, productive methods of policy change, one commenter would have you know that it’s not like they think violence is the answer:
It’s just that violence is the only way of making the answer possible. So violence is not an answer; if anything, it’s really more like a question. Probably a question like “how you like gettin’ shot in the legs, queer?”
Conservative forum-members would just like you to know that Barack Obama firmly believes the children are our future, and he just wants to teach them well and let them lead the way… directly to his herd-culling gas chambers. Yes, in a move directly parallel to Hitler’s infamous Nazi Youth Program, Obama wants to pass legislation that would require all children to enroll in his own personal army.
He has cleverly concealed this hideous plot in the form of a program that proposes to give tax breaks to college students in exchange for performing some community service. The Farthest Right are justifiably outraged about this, because clearly, this is exactly like slavery:
Making college kids do work at a soup kitchen on Saturday mornings in exchange for thousands of dollars in financial aid? My god, this is – this is just like that one time, remember? When they rounded up all the black people and worked them to death in the fields, giving them absolutely nothing in return?
This is, in every conceivable way, exactly the same thing as that. Except that this time the people that suffer won’t be African-Americans, but the polluters and energy wasters.
It’s like an episode of Reverse Captain Planet, where eco friendly death squads roam the streets and it’s all up to a plucky band of wasteful, but good-hearted Young Republicans to learn the power of teamwork and stop them. But some posters don’t see this light-hearted, cartoony side, and instead fear the much more ominous possibility that enlisting teenagers to assist the local community could also give Obama unfettered access to his own private army. It’s a civilian draft!
So supposing that’s true, why exactly is that threatening to…anybody? The entire point of a draft is to recruit civilians, teach them how to fight, and send them off to war. If you skip that whole ‘teach them how to fight’ step, all you’ve really got is a bunch of dudes that have to hang out where you tell them. It’s more akin to having pledges at a frat house than an elite fighting force capable of world domination.
Say hello to your new overlords. What, you haven’t heard of them? Psh. Yeah, you wouldn’t have.
But even assuming Obama does use this proposed bill to gain access to a top-secret army of left-leaning twenty-somethings - that just begs another question: What are you more afraid of? Their deadly mastery of the Liberal Arts, or their uncanny ability purchase ironic T-shirts?
This is the face of terror!
If Obama’s unstoppable army of late-teen community servants doesn’t terrify you, what if I told you that he was actively recruiting serial killers en masse, in an attempt to effectively end the entire human race? Well, you can thank those noble internet watchmen of the Right Wing Forums for the heads up, because they’re the only ones willing to bravely report the truth: That Obama is just about to kick-start the apocalypse…by accepting a new non-discrimination policy that includes sexual orientation, and so could theoretically admit homosexuals and transvestites into his cabinet. How long until hell follows with them?
But you’re not afraid of a few slap-fighting, interior-decorating, fantastically-coiffed nancy-boys, you say? Well, I guess you weren’t aware that all homosexuals aren’t just preening Will and Grace extras - prancing about in cable-knit sweaters and fastidiously dusting their upscale New York lofts – no! It’s common knowledge that all gays are actually serial killers:
That’s right: All homosexuals are lethal, efficient, unceasing serial killers.
What, you don’t believe me? Have you ever tried anal?
Well if you had, you would know all about the murderous blood-frenzy that overtakes you immediately afterwards - turning you into a flaccid, naked berserker - murdering and flaying all about you with your supernatural Gay-Rage Strength. Y’know, this mentality really helps to explain the trepidation that the Farthest Right traditionally have about homosexuality – all this time, they’ve just been getting gay people confused with the Incredible Hulk.
Holy shit…it all makes sense now! I’d be against Hulk marriage too, that shit’s an Abomination!
Say hello to your new president, the Black Panther, and his Secretary of State, hellfire.
The Black Panthers are politically active African-Americans, and - hell, do you even need to know any more? Isn’t that enough to be scared of already? Oh, and according to the Right Wing forums, they also desperately want to kill all the white people.
I guess that’s another reason to be wary.
Anyway, the forum members apparently don’t see the Panthers as just another crazy fringe group, but rather have astutely noted that the President-Elect has a few worrisome, unavoidable ties to these violent radicals, such as:
Don’t you see?! It’s all there in the name: The Black Panthers! All panthers are black, therefore…good lord, all blacks are Panthers! You can’t deny that logic!
Wake up, sheeple!
But one brilliant poster has got it all figured out, and unfortunately for humanity, it comes full circle:
It was all tied together, you see – the guns, the community service, the civil rights - his plan was so simple: First, he outlaws all the firearms so that God-fearing Americans are helpless, then he drafts a civilian army of homosexuals and children (led by the Black Panthers,) and proceeds to wipe out all the white people as racial vengeance for slavery! Good lord, it’s a revenge plan two hundred years in the making; so subtle and sinister that it makes Lex Luthor look like a retarded nun by comparison. What can you even do against something that epic, that brilliant, that evil? Isn’t there anybody who can fight back?
Well, lucky for you, there is somebody. Somebody that can keep a level head in the face of all this panic and terror. Somebody that can see something this intimidating:
And respond like this:
Yeah, you can worry about finding answers to severe social problems, you liberal pansies - me and this guy have some motherfucking questions to practice asking. That is, assuming Obama hasn’t already outlawed all of our punctuation.
This entry was posted on Thursday, December 4th, 2008 at 8:00 am and is filed under 2008 Election, Barack Obama, Conspiracies, Politics, Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
October 18th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
Hey Grammar Nazi, what if the most fun i have on some days is pissing? Well me guesses u 2 b a fun nazi 2.
September 14th, 2009 at 8:34 pm
Holy shit, all gay people have Gay-Rage and are potential serial killers?
I have been wasting my life. GAY-RAGE, ACTIVATE!
(I’m assuming here that dykes also get Gay-Rage powers. One of our powers is also Deadly Cock Block.)
September 14th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
I’m not sure whether I’m more amused by the article itself or the comments. Seriously, how can people miss the fact that it’s a HUMOR article on a HUMOR website that’s satirizing the nutjobs on the extreme right? Like no one wrote articles about what the extreme left nutjobs thought of Bush? Come on, guys. A little perspective here. Also, when in doubt, apply the MST3K mantra: Repeat to yourself “It’s just a [website], I should really just relax.”
September 13th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Heh, reminds me of Colbert. If this were taken on the same level as other forms of facetious political commentary, it would, of course, be unfair. Hell, if you have to go as far as pulling Fox News material to tear apart, you’re probably someone who pokes fun at the disabled. But forum comments? Really?? While straw men can certainly be hilarious, even ones intended for entirely comedic purposes tend to make people forget that the message is weak or unsupported by the arguments (even for the best messages). Political satire is still political, and it is still satire/comedy (insight!). So no shenanigans about this being comedy, not politics; it’s both. It just doesn’t do the latter honestly (which is perhaps a lot of what makes it funny).
September 13th, 2009 at 11:10 am
There’s not even anything wrong with communism, on a small scale, where it’s genuinely a community running itself self-sufficiently - rather than the political system of Communism with a big ‘C’, which in my view is essentially fascism.
Sure, it’s a slightly selfish ideal, as these communes rarely interact with the world around them and thus can only add value to their own tiny economic system. It’s not far off the traditionally conservative ideals of small-town/village, ol’-fashioned, everyone knows your name, wholesome family-land. Only without the soap.
August 31st, 2009 at 9:41 am
I grew up in a socialist caste based country so this has no effect on me either way
If the Obama fears of conservatives are realized (it could happen), the entire society turns into a socialist caste system, which from my experience is not Star-Wars-Empire-bad (more like the Jedi-Order-bad). Home sweet home
If Obama does what he is supposed to it’s still a win win situation for me
August 28th, 2009 at 1:35 pm
Hahaha. This was a COMEDY article, guys. Calm down.
August 27th, 2009 at 2:33 am
roflmao… but seriously, here’s something i don’t get: why is there this divide on such stupid shit? i mean, really, why… at this point “socialism” is the new “communism” and i’m just really wondering when socialists, communists, capitalists, etc will start considering a really simple solution: the negatives of one system could be counter-weighted by the positives of another system.
why must we stick to just the policies of one system that, really, were all made up by a bunch of people anyway? it’s all made up so we can live in such large numbers effectively. as cliched as it may sound, why can’t we just work together for the benefit of everyone? capitalism seems to help the individual but tends to fuck over the group when taken too far. socialism favors the group, but also can be taken too far to hinder individual efforts (on these, i’m speaking of the purest form of each system). so… can’t we find a balance? it just doesn’t seem nearly as hard as we make it. screaming about nazis (on all sides) is clouding up the real issue: how can we encourage individual efforts and the progress it brings while implementing policy that makes sure even the poorest among us always has his head above water?
am i evil for thinking that health care, education (including higher education), proper nutrition, and a place to live should all be considered basic needs and should be provided adequately to all? and sorry if i don’t shed a tear if it means people who are disgustingly rich find themselves only crazy rich. boo-hoo, they won’t get the yacht AND the jet.
oh, and before i get off my soap box, who finds it a little ironic that some of people are screaming about the (fictional) “death panels” while in the same breath manage to rant “i don’t wanna pay for someone’s care if they smoke/are fat/have ever done drugs/etc since that’s their own fault and they should just deal with it themselves”? so, they’re only against death panels (if such a idiotic thing were even being considered) if someone who isn’t them is running it… theoretically, they do believe some people aren’t worthy of being helped and should be denied care even if the denial is a death sentence. interesting.
ok, i’m done now.
August 19th, 2009 at 6:24 pm
That was great! Grammar Nazi’s post cracks me up. On every forum I have ever visited, this is the way folks end an argument when they have been bested…”Yeah, well, I may be clueless about every point we discussed but…you can’t spell. So there!”
August 17th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
Great articles & Nice a site
July 26th, 2009 at 6:56 am
f*ck the haters Rob! good article.
an Grammer Nazi - “gOd; Dam .u R a TOOL,!.! ,” how about you get a life!!
July 25th, 2009 at 8:31 pm
I was rather disappointed with how poorly most of the grammar was on this page.
Instead of wasting time on the Internet and trashing other people’s opinions, ideas, and views, how about looking into Grammar classes or perhaps even ordering a Hooked on Phonics package.
Get a life people, you don’t have enough time to piss it all away.
July 22nd, 2009 at 11:24 am
Holy fuck, people are retards out there. I mean, the warrior-scholar bit was pretty nice-sounding, until the fuckwit forgot we have a PERMANENT group of warriors called THE MILITARY. Those guys talking about armies of “Obama Youths?” Fuck that, I’ll spit in the eye of anybody, and I mean ANYBODY, who tells me to do something I think is wrong- and i know practically for a FACT that Obama won’t. The Black Panthers- shit, what’s all this about him supporting the Black Panthers? He’s just black! I’m an eigth Irish- does that make me an IRA member? Do you think that I walk the streets of Derry every summer with an Uzi?
Finally, about the aforementioned charity work- I hadn’t heard about it, BUT I SUPPORT IT. Didn’t Roosevelt do something like it, where they’d pay you to go into the wilderness and clean up (it was the Wilderness Conservation Act)? Yeah, that doesn’t strike me as so bad. At my highschool, we have to do 160 hours of community service, and I don’t even mind that. It’s a good thing to take pride in your country, and make it a better place. It’s unfortunate that Republicans are too busy sharpening bayonets and plotting which one of Obama’s kidneys they’re going to shoot to actuall see that happening.
July 17th, 2009 at 4:57 pm
People need to stop taking this article so seriously. It’s just a post on a COMEDY website, satirizing Baracknophobia. The fact of the matter is that Barack Obama is just a man, doing what he believes is best for the country. If a majority oppose what he is doing, future elections will reflect this and his changes will be mitigated. For the time being, he still has a mid-50s~low 60s approval rating, meaning at least half of the country has faith in him and his actions.
July 12th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
hey 007 you have great grammar but its too bad that you can’t spell Oh My God. how about, instead of concentrating on somebodies grammar quite being so bias and come up with a solution to solve our nations crisis. you are a hell of an english speaking queer, but can you fix our country better than palin. i don’t think so. the only thing you have going for you is that you know how to read, write, and spell the only language that you know. give yourself a pat on back but and give obama a call and let him know what needs to be done with this country. he sure as hell doesn’t know.
July 12th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
The examples herein, alleged to be from commentators on “right-wing” sites, are actually, some of the most well-written I’ve seen. Especially the one espousing the warrior-scholar ronin creed. We need the right-wing in a democracy to remind us how far we’ve come and how far we need to go. Right wing thinkers would be screaming about the women’s suffrage movement, railing about the immoral bikini and insisting the moon is made of cheese. They prefer to see the world from their permanent residence: that is, between a a rock and a hard place. They’ll never be happy.
July 11th, 2009 at 11:56 am
Forgive me posting community if this comment is as derivative as it is late, but in the foot hills of Appalachia (from which I hail) there are a number of protestant social conservatives that solemnly believe that BO is indeed the anti-christ. I would not be overly surprised if this phenomenon extends beyond the boundary of America’s own third world. The middle regions of the country are also likely alive and well with this type of paranoid reasoning. Though I have not heard it mentioned, it would be amusing to see a tie-in with 2012 beliefs and the heralded end of our material existance (at least as we know it). This appears to be a rather old article, however many of the posts are indeed recent. Nice satire. The internet genus tends to take itself far too seriously, and from skimming a number of comments this idea is more than validated (on both sides of the Obama chasm). Polarizing politics has become one of our great American exports. Enjoy free world, enjoy.
July 10th, 2009 at 8:10 pm
http://www.cultstate.com/cultwatch
And now, watch what the Obama Cult does on their web forums. Yes, we watch you, too.
July 10th, 2009 at 7:05 pm
Mein Kampf II by Barack Obama
July 10th, 2009 at 6:16 pm
BRAD! OMG! I really must say that I was not able to get past your comment! You seriously attempted to call other bloggers illiterate and morons?! Come On! Let’s try using spell check before name-calling! Play nice or I’ll have to post all of your inaccuracies on my comment! Too late!
1. Anointed
2. Though
3. Necessary
4. Believe
5. Let’s
6. Community
7. Hierarchal
8. Furtherance
Or did you attend the same Community Colleges as Sarah Palin. Too bad I’m not going to stay around to read any further responses. In the future BRAD, don’t make yourself look like an idiot while attempting to call someone else an idiot. It’s just undignified!
For those of you who are confused, I spelled the words correctly for BRAD!
July 10th, 2009 at 5:57 pm
More government propagana aimed at the 25 & under crowd. Gotta wonder how many of these Commi pushers are on the gov’t. dole? They’re working hard on getting the stupid majority on the New World Order trail. American’s won’t wake up until it’s too late.
July 10th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
What kind of drugs is the author smoking?? Geeesh I cant believe some of this crap he is spewing. I do wonder when a president can fire the CEO of a privately own company like General Motors and take it over. His government seems to have pulled it off, and surprise its out of bankruptcy in approximately a month. Amazingly it was the auto dealership who supported the Republicans got the ax. And lets take a look at AIG who takes care of the House and Senate pension plan got the bailout money first… and now they are paying out millions in bonuses and getting away with it… mighty suspicious.
July 10th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
haha. You see this is why I stay out of politics. Its all nothing but meaningless drivel. All joking aside. I dont see anything wrong with Obama being the President but I seriously get sick and tired of hearing these people call him a Socialist. That really gets on my nerves after a while. I mean I’m not a political major or anything but where do people get this shit? I mean really. Its redicilious.
July 10th, 2009 at 3:46 pm
How can you not deny all 4? They’ve already been set in motion. I would add a 5th……don’t all black men lust after white women? Therefore your wife and daughter are not safe from Obama either. He will not rest until he has carnal knowledge of every American white woman.
And a 6th, Fema Death Camps. I’ve heard that Napolitano has already begun the incarceration and slaughter. Trainloads full of opponents in boxcars going through the South, on their way to extermination. Just google U-Tube, and watch the videos. A cousin said he saw one yesterday going through Louisiana. That proves it.
July 10th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
Wow. I am sure You were going for humor. The gun control thing was based on much much more than the one time statement of The Great Annointed One- it was based on his voting record and his support of policies and bills. And I read the comments. Some could spell, some were totally illiterate. ‘Steve” shows us all what the totally radical left is thinking, tho, I am told, brains are not neccessary for them in order to operate so I excuse him from responsibility for his comment. Wait, no, I don’t. I beleive in social responsibility, moral responsibility, and patriotic responsibility. This means, get a job, obey the laws, stay off welfare, and register for the militia, (if you are 18 to 46). Lets see, I have a business (self employed) I employ one other besides myself and use goods and services in my comunity in order to operate my business, I pay my taxes and obey the law. I have no tickets, no arrests, and no warrants. I have served in the armed forces, and have a college degree. I do not consider myself a republican however, because I chose who to vote for- not who I am told to vote for. I AM conservative in my views. Now, am I a knuckle dragging, mouth breathing, dinosaur? If that is what this country needs in order to bring us to our senses I will comply. Inbreeding? No, they only do that in heirarchal societies for the furtherence of bloodlines (hint for morons- kings and queens, princes and princesses?)
July 10th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
I’ve not seen this standard of journalism since junior high. It leaves me with only two questions;
1. Where do you live?
2. What kind of car do you drive?
July 10th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
Very entertaining. Completely lost on the fearmongers and morons you are satirizing, however.
July 10th, 2009 at 3:08 pm
Just what I tought I’d be reading from another bed wetter. You have got to be joking, Missy. I know this is your way of being “in the know” but instead in in the not. NOT. If looks and smells like a duck guess what, it’s a duck. Why do you liberals hide what you are and what you stand for. Sometimes with all your self righteousness know it all what I learned in school attitude because I know better that you attitude; you must of all flunked out of History 101. Let’s a History lesson make : Hittler wrote a book too, of change. The differance between Obama’s book;you wrote about it somewhat. They said Hitler would never do that. I’ll give you a clue {Rules for Raticals} find those referances in Mr Fascist’s; I mean Mr. Obama’s book. People said he will never do that during the campain. I believe if the election where held today my dear, he would not be our President just six months after BECAUSE 80,000,000 people did not sign up for that! You need to accept that some things your parents told you are true; like “that won’t work, history proves it, like the economy for instance”. It was once said it takes a bigger person to admit their wrong than one that does not. You need to get over it, the choice of a Fascist {look up the definition} was wrong and you were fooled. Do this and I promise you will feel better. Write me any time. Please visit if you will. blogg this with my full name I give you my permission minus the mailing address.
Best Regards : A True Patriot
(PS) What happened 1776. History can and often repeats itself.
July 10th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
I work on my computer and check the Aol headlines to keep informed. I would have been better off to not have read this artice. I think I should have had to search hard to find this artice and not on the first page. You all have to much time on your hands. Follow this president if you want and take his ideas. Get a job, go to school, or plant a garden! (Funny I did those things already without haveing to be told) And leave decent people alone!
July 10th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
This all in your tiny little mind’s left wingers
July 10th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
You sir are incapable of transcending historically derived conceptions. You think that all people believe every word you journalists and bloggers say and print. Lie to us once shame on you, lie to us twice shame on us. We have been lied to by this and other administrations, for so long that the American people can’t believe anything you people publish or say. I wish all of you would get fired so as to feel how the rest of the people feel and live. Obama has not lived up to one promise he made to the American people, and to say he does not want socialism, is a bald faced lie. He has taken over the automotive buisness, took away the secrect balloting the union members enjoyed, nationalized the banking system, and now he is telling them how much their salaries are to be, Nationalize health care, so us doctors have a harder time to make ends meet, I have not heard one politician or Obama say one thing about frivolous law suits that cost us doctors enormous malpractice insurance premiums. You can hold up for Obama all you want but the American people will vote him out of office after on term. I am not even going to get into how he stated ” I will not raise taxes on the middle class”, Its funny how the middle class,according to Obama, first started out at $400,000.00 and is now down to $125,000.00, and it is goig to go lower, as they add on consumtion taxes, sugar taxes, I really think they will end up taxing the air we breath. This cap and trade just might be the nail to kill the American dream by increasing our energy cost by at least 100%, or more. Watch C-Span 1 and 2, congress in action, or keystone kops?
July 10th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
Well…….
Now I wonder why all the mental hospitals have been closed.
Perhaps, rethinking our bailout money going to nationalize banks, auto company’s and make all things union should be spent reopening mental hospitals for people who write such perverted observations of radicalism. Who knows, our Supreme Court may have to issue an order to remove the president like Honduras!
July 10th, 2009 at 2:36 pm
“steve Says:
July 10th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
These inbred, low-browed, knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing conservatives should be rounded up, sterilized, and put into zoos until the last of them are extinct.”
Way to prove the Conservatives right.
July 10th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
Get off the Presidents ass you bunch of hypocrites. Watch the entire shot and if he was looking, he is only human
July 10th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
Add another…Barack will become “engaged” with a White House staffer. You know…perform a “Bill Clinton”.
July 10th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
Start spreading another conservative rumor…due to his arrogance he will commit a “Bill Clinton” with one of his women staffers in the White House.
July 10th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
I literally laughed out loud a few times, while reading this article. I am assuming that you were going for humor, yes?
While I do not doubt that these types of rumors are out there, I think the largest concern is the government control in private business, and socialized healthcare.
Great laughs, but to be fair, how about some posts from people that are not certifiable, and some posts from a few crazy ‘left wing fears’.
July 10th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
These inbred, low-browed, knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing conservatives should be rounded up, sterilized, and put into zoos until the last of them are extinct.
July 10th, 2009 at 2:07 pm
What a stupid article.
July 10th, 2009 at 2:06 pm
You want to know something White people did not create slavery. Throughout history pretty much every group had it in one form of another. Most slaves that came here, because of their own kind. That is not to excuse many things that happen to those slaves. But white societies never ruled the entire world, although they did concor many places. But it was the white societies that pulled away from slavery first. Africa had and the middle east had slavery long after we gave it up. My father when in the Navy and being in port in Saudi Arabia commonly saw slave auctions in the market places, this as recently as the early 1950’s. And the prepoderance of slaves sold were Black. But so many Black Americans are rushing to become Muslim because of the fact it encourages the hatred of whites. It all seems rediculaus to me. It’s time to stop looking back and look forward, and only forward. Frankly if you look at the worlds current, Gov,’s where people are denied human right’s, they are not white!
July 10th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
Mike - who is pushing for a huge government with complete control of health care, the financial system, energy, and manufacturing? Republicans or Democrats?
July 10th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
This is such a STUPID story! Could you not find anything worth writting about? I have read liberal blogs with just as stupid assumpthions There are whacko’s on all sides but that does not mean that their are not legitimate things to worry about with this President. But ofcourse you choose to mock and make light of anything that does not support your political beliefs. Their is a lot of things that people on both sides are becoming very concerned about. Larger Gov inacting more regulation, spending record amounts of money when common sence, says that spending money does not fix a deficet! Healthcare prograns that cause the elderly and ill to become marginalized, because it costs money to take care of them, so now after a lifetime of usefulness, paying taxes and being productive people they are now expendable, and the Nazi regime idea of the perfect race comes back, in as much as the ill and inferm are not worth the effort. A cap and trade tax and regulation program that will cause more job loss then it will ever provide, buisnesses leaving the country and the need to purchass energy from outside our own country not giving independace but further dependance on other countries. And the cost just to live here lessening the quality of life in our own country just because progressives believe that they have the right to dictate how people should live. This is just a few things that people have every right to worry about! Oh and the fact that this is the most corupt Addministration in my life time, funneling monies and jobs in Gov to friends and suporters more than any administration in my lifetime. There are a lot of legitimate problem, happenning here!
July 10th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
What no mention of the fear that Obama will try to drive our country to socialism through his massive spendind program. Not jobs creation, just spending.
How about the one that that says he was actually born in Kenya and is therefore not qualified to be President of these United States? He hasn’t shown his true birth certificate only his “certificate of birth ” from Hawaii. This is the document they give to all foreign born babies!
How about amnesty to all of the illegal foreign nationals here in the US? They are here illegally…..let them return home and apply for legal immigration. No more anchor babies.
Watch his poll numbers continue to dive. It’s his economy stupid.
July 10th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
You seem to be taking the farthest right-wingers and using them as an example for the entire right. This, my friend, is sorely incorrect. To quote another forum-goer, you , “take a few people’s stupid comments and blow them outta preportion and context and say that all people that don’t support obama believe this shit.” Not all Republicans are this racist, homophobic redneck stereotype. You people claim to be against prejudice, but it’s exactly what you’re doing.
You are exactly what I hate about the left. Maybe not all leftists are like you, but the ones I’ve seen are all catty, immature sheep who tow the party line. Next time, maybe you should do some actual research on your president instead of just believing what you’re told.
July 10th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
“Michael DeAngelo Says:
July 10th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
AshsWorkshed Says: You think we’re bad. Start reading some of the crap the libs put on these sites. There’s bad spelling and grammar if I ever saw it. By the way…….have you visited all 57 states like the head lib Ovomit? There’s stupid”
It might surprise you to know that there ARE 57 States and US Territories (like Guam, Puerto Rico) which hold Democratic Primaries in the presidential race. He was referring to the number of primaries he had campaigned in.
July 10th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
this article is BOSHIT. LIKE HE WILL TRY TO END THE WORLD
July 10th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
This article makes me wonder - is there any piece of media, printed news, broadcast or internet media outlet that doesn’t feel compelled to hump Obama’s leg every time he walks by?
July 10th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
OMG the total ignorance of so many of these posters. Obama has not quadrupled the deficit. Obamas 2010 budget hasnt even been voted on yet. The budget for 2009 was voted on in 2008 like ALL budgets are voted on the year before. He passed an 800 billion stimulous plan of which only 50 billion has been spent. What you wingnuts dont know because Fox news didnt report it is that Henry Paulson and Bernanke during the Bush Administration last OCTOBER spent OFF Budget over 8 TRILLION bailing out the world banking system. That brought the National debt of 11 trillion to a total of 19 trillion BEFORE OBAMA was inaugurated.
BTW Fascism is the melding of Corporations and Government, NOT the taking over of business by government. IG Farben made billions under Hitler. Fascism is rightly called CORPORATISM. The enslaving of the populace for the profit of a few CEO’s and owners. Hitler HATED Socialists and communists, in fact they were the FIRST killed and put in the camps. He outlawed the German socialist and Communist parties in 1933. Kristalnacht was not until 1938. Learn some real history and quit listening to Glenn (the moron) Beck
July 10th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
I found this to be entertaining. The crap people come up with on forums is just amazing.
People need to lighten up and just look at the stupid things people say when they have no intelligent reason why the dislike something or someone.
July 10th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
Who cares about the crazy stuff? The fact that he’s bankrupting the country and the folks he considers his mentors profess hatred for America should have been enough to make him unelectable in a free country.
July 10th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
im so heated that i could EAT HUMAN SHIT! and doush old ladies with jizz balloon (balloons i jerk off into filling with cum)
July 10th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
also u take a few peoples stupid comments and blow them outta preportion and context and say that all people that dont support obama believe this shit .its gay
July 10th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
this is wicked dumb, obama sux but did sumone jus make this shit up??? im afraid my checks gonna get raped and giving to lazy mutherfucker who wanna deal drugs and have babies or work under the table im also fearfull of giant cock missiles heading fer my asshole
July 10th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Hmm…yeah. Have you noticed that nearly all “evil republican” posts have proper grammar, spelling, and a nice, varied use of vocabulary?
You, on the other hand, resort to cursing in a formal article to get your point across, and to insult said “evil republicans”.
Oh, and you ‘forgot’ to capitalize “God” and “Lord”, but we all know those weren’t mistakes
And i could barely follow this article, all defenses and attacks toward the right-wing were clearly paranoid and not thought out very well.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
and mickey, I can tell the difference between liberalism and socialism. I proudly call my self a socialist.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
a republican by definition is a person who believes in a strong central government like a REPUBLIC. These right wing nut jobs are too dumb to realize while they so proudly call themselves republicans, they are actually in search of a democracy, with a more limited central government.
If the conservatives succeeds again.. can we let them this time? Please?
This kills all my hope for the future of America, they need a mental exam. They might be skitzophrenic.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
Liberals should be shot and not heard or seen. You are ruining this country, and all it stands for. You can’t tell the difference between liberalism and socialism. How the hell could you possibly know what the right is about.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
AshsWorkshed Says: You think we’re bad. Start reading some of the crap the libs put on these sites. There’s bad spelling and grammar if I ever saw it. By the way…….have you visited all 57 states like the head lib Ovomit? There’s stupid.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
This article is the most ridiculous thing I ever heard. You morons create so many lies and crazy stories about the right, I think it’s you that is paranoid. You lefties are liars and sneaks, and finally, the stupid liberals in this country are beginning to see it. Enjoy your time. It’s going to be cut short next election.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
dejesulm,
are you serious, did you really post that comment. You really think we went over there and smacked your people on the head and dragged you off. come on what happened if you were paying attention is, YOUR PEOPLE sold you, they took the slow dumb a** tribe members and got rid of them because they didn’t want them in the group anymore and sold them to the white man. so get your fax straight before blaming the white man if anything you should be mad at your own people.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
Thats the point they wanted more power they dont need it.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
“bob Says:
July 10th, 2009 at 11:31 am
America would be better off in a Confederacy type of Government. And for you idiots who think this is racist its not. In a Confederacy the states rule not the central government.
”
someone doesnt know the history of the united states. see after the revolutionary war we had something called the articles of confederation governing the united states. anything that passed the federal government had to get a unanimous vote from the states. the federal government couldnt tax things or impose tarrifs. the federal government had little to no power. sounds great right? wrong. we werent able to pay back the depts we gathered during the revolutionary war and runaway inflation insued leading to the founding fathers gathering in 1787 to write the constitution we have today. isnt it amazing how knowing history debunks absurd statements like this.
July 10th, 2009 at 11:31 am
America would be better off in a Confederacy type of Government. And for you idiots who think this is racist its not. In a Confederacy the states rule not the central government.
July 10th, 2009 at 11:27 am
omg white people r the cause of our down fall and always ruled this f$%$#@ world all of the sudden they r crying like little kids fall back let the poor men do his thing at least he is not trying to slave u guys like u white people did lets move on i feel u need a ass wopping
July 10th, 2009 at 11:23 am
thats not slanted at ALL.
July 10th, 2009 at 11:19 am
Oh republicans.. the cancer that is killing america… what are they “conserving”.. if they have nothing to offer in the first place
July 10th, 2009 at 11:03 am
You guys are probably racist homo’s and if there are girls there they are one of the two gothic or lesbian who strain for attention, how about this one get a life fags…
July 10th, 2009 at 10:58 am
And having a carbon tax is going to help those who can barely afford to pay for electric now, real smart. Why don’t Obama bring industry back from overseas and put a import tax that way it would cost just as much to make a product over seas as it would here.
July 9th, 2009 at 5:22 pm
Holy cow… what would Bernard Goldberg think?
July 9th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
When they say that encouraging homosexuals will wipe out the human race, I can sort of see the point they’re trying to make - homosexuals don’t breed. But, serial killers? Wow! That got weird fast…
July 9th, 2009 at 12:08 am
One more thing: (my sample is limited, so I apologize to others who haven’t posted on the site) based on the comments on this page, Republicans need to figure out how to use spell check. In fact, they need to go back to elementary school to cover the basics of grammar, spelling, and punctuation. Before you ridicule someone else, shouldn’t you make sure you make some sense? Shouldn’t you make sure you’re within shouting distance of “understandable”?
July 9th, 2009 at 12:02 am
Do you guys know what’s really sad? I’m willing to bet at least 85% of those posters were from Alabama. I live in Alabama and am routinely reminded of these nonsense ideas. Down here, it’s still perfectly acceptable to hate minorities–African Americans, Mexican Americans, female Americans. I just don’t get it. In fact, my old boss (who took it personally when I reported him to the EEOC for spanking the other female worker, cussing me out, damning me to Hell, and whooping at female customers in his spare time) voted for Obama, then complained about him. If Obama gave $7,000,000 to each taxpayer, the right-wing nuts would still hate him.
June 30th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
Oh noes! the knights of the Black Table are coming
June 23rd, 2009 at 11:38 pm
ATTENTION RIGHT WINGERS WHO USE CRACKED AS A POLITICAL DISCUSSION BOARD:
If you’re going to post your arguements on EVERY political article that Cracked does (*cough* CavalierX *cough*) try citing some references instead of saying “Nope, that’s not true. It’s just… not true cause… cause I said so.”
This is a comedy site. You are wasting your time and convincing NO ONE of anything.
But then again, if you have the time to get into comment section arguements every single time this site posts something that offends your delicate sensibilities, “wasting your time” doesn’t really apply. You have oodles of it.
June 18th, 2009 at 8:28 pm
Wow, I honestly had no idea that so many butthurt Conservatives visited Cracked. You guys ARE aware that trying to defend any of the four above fears proves that you’re nuttier than a Pay Day bar, right? Jesus Christ, people, start looking for actual facts instead of just psychotic fearmongering.
May 20th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
Badly need your help. Sorry, I have understand nothing. Help me! Please help find sites for: Wall clock. I found only this - http://turbo-tax.biz/. Lotusjump is an seo software creates custom linkbuilding tasks to boost your websites authority and rankings for your targeted keywords. A dedicated and motivated seo consultant and sem analyst with extensive experience gained working on a large number of web marketing for key clients. Thanks :cool:. Minerva from Djibouti.
May 18th, 2009 at 9:29 pm
I don’t know whether to laugh, or….laugh!!! Brockway picks a few outrageously funny morons to back up a purely enjoyable, sarcasm laden piece, and then people go and get OFFENDED and make themselves sound as ignorant and hotheaded as the nutjobs he’s quoting??
I’m not saying there aren’t quacks on both sides of this fence, people, but for God’s Sake, don’t ADD YOURSELVES to the list!!
You know what I think is MUCH scarier than all these anti-Obama consipiracy theories? All those weirdos out there who believe they are true!! THOSE people scare the CRAP out of me!!
That being said, thanks for the good chuckle, Brockway!! It’s nice to read somebody who has common sense AND a sense of humor!!
May 18th, 2009 at 6:12 pm
Hmmm, I just might need a bunker, ammo, water, tv, you know to go with my new guns. Maps, garmin gps, sewing machine, bones for Belle, my pooch, dried food, fresh food too. Time to be ready for obamaknights.
May 18th, 2009 at 5:49 pm
Well now, I ‘m a bit over the hill you might say. On the down hill slide maybe. I am a grandmother, teach at a prison for men, like to quilt, travel, you know simple life. The only thing I’ve remember hunting would be my keys or grandkids, darn where were they? I keep up with politics a bit and I believe maybe it’s time to go buy some guns, never know when I might lose something.
May 18th, 2009 at 4:44 pm
Yeah…..the 4 craziest things. I’m just curious if anyone here did a similar article on, say, the 8 years of rabid and totally insane anti-Bush propaganda. Like, for example, Bush-Hitler bullshit.
Scoff if you want, but I think we’re a helluva lot closer to the mark here, than some of the inannities put out there by the smelly hippie crowd.
Obama may seem innocuous, but the people he’s appointing to some of these posts aren’t. They’re some of the most extreme zealots on the political left.
May 18th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Heh this is hilarious.
People who get offended by comedy should not read these articles. Hell, the article name itself should have served as a warning for all those who believe that “OMG OBAMAS A TERRORITS !!1!”
Meanwhile, those of us who are more open minded can enjoy a laugh at the expense of our more radical brothers.
May 18th, 2009 at 9:10 am
Why don’t you go kill a baby Brockway? You liberal POS
May 18th, 2009 at 7:18 am
Obama - baby killer - maybe the next Hitler.
April 30th, 2009 at 6:29 pm
your country should really have elected maverick mccain and that halfwit from alaska…right now you’d be stuck in crap so deep that the whole galaxy would have looked brown seen from your p.o.v.
April 27th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
God, the stupidity of the comments here is palpable. “HURR DURR QUADEFICITBAMATERRISTGUNTAKER!” Idiots, swallowing anything that you get fed by your masters. You want a panic, and you’ll do anything to get it so you can wave you dick substitutes around and threaten people who aren’t like you.
You lost!
GET OVER IT!
April 17th, 2009 at 5:34 pm
[...] F*CK YEAH! The 4 Craziest Right Wing Fears About Obama | Cracked.com __________________ The Visual Portfolio Any music bought from the iTunes store is a [...]
April 16th, 2009 at 11:00 am
Oh, God.
So, you take the extreme views from a known conservative site, then you post them and use your views from the OTHER side to point out just how ridiculous their views are…
Who cares? Let them think what they want.
And it isn’t like *some* worry isn’t well founded…no one knows what the Youth Corps entails, and no one will know until it actually HAPPENS.
There is some merit in this article, I’ll give you that, but it is entirely biased and definitely not among the best articles I’ve read from Cracked. I suppose I’d be way out of line to expect a witty and sarcastic internet writer to be conservative or to even possibly look past their own little condescending views to consider others…
Welcome to politics, I suppose.
April 9th, 2009 at 8:41 pm
I love how we always point out each other’s flaws in our plans. whether we are right or left we never ever tell the full story. we never want to admit we could ever possibly be wrong. listening to you all act almost exactly the same is just soo damn funny
April 6th, 2009 at 8:29 am
Always good quality info from this site!
April 5th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
OK he has quadrupled the defecit
OK he has kissed up to the Europeans and Russians
OK he has promised to gut defense
OK he has promised to close GITMO
Where in this is the we are safer and better off economically part? Is that four years from now? And Bush so if he did not suffer a terrorist attack in 7.5 years after one then if Obama has one is that his fault too with the economy in a Democrat majority for two years? So what was he voting on in the senate before he too the buck stops here except when I whine about it not stopping here and I must have inherited the buck?
Remember that inheritance tax Mr. Obama, we need stimulation! And the Dems talk about nationalizing the Newspapers to save them? OK whom are the brown shirts and whom are not? I think the real national socialists are the liberals……….next outlaw religion except muslims, that is a still a oppressed chic religion, next Satanic Worshippers for Pelosi!!!
Yea she is a real Catholic Christian, how about another scissors to the brain of a third term abortee!! Yeahaaaaaaa Nancy way to go!
April 5th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
Well at least after he has spent more than every president in history and king that owned us as a territory before that combined, we sure won’t be calling any terrorists terrorists or nasty names like mean ole enemy combatant…….gee I feel safer already lets gut some more of the patriot act and give a few more billion to AIG!!! Can we have the French run us for a year too? Or maybe the UN I agree with Turbo Tax Ted lets get a global monetary system in place and let the Chinese or the Russians our friends run it!!!!!! Kim Ill you want some more grain? I feel a nobel prize coming on and I have about fifteen steps to the can!
April 5th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
OK,
Nazis as you use in several similies were “National Socialists” they saught to nationalize industry and banking, hmmmmm ok Obama is no Adolph but he has successfully quadrupled the deficit everyone on the left was whining about Bush. And he has so far stimulated welfare and countries budgets that hate the USA. Quite an accomplishment to spend more than all the presidents before you combined. And while he “inherited” his problems from whom? OK Dems have had majority (enough to even overide Bush vetos and they did) in both houses (senate, house of representatives) for the last two years prior to that they had the majority in the house with an almost dead split in the Senate so whom did he inherit this economy from? Pelosi or Reed? Yea Bush signed the last budget before he left but did he really have a choice? To say Pelosi (who cried about Car Execs and thier private jets) who also loves to fly air force furnished LEAR JETS for her enterouge at pennies on the US Taxpayer dollar has something to cry about is almost laughable. Yea Hasseert fly Air Force but amazingly he took the cheap flights………not the special leather seat 46 people with him models……….and he didn’t cancel every other time either fuel waiting on the tarmac for the Pelosi cabal………OK what about the “we are sending our guns to Mexico lie?” I loved that one, we are causing Mexico’s narco civil war…ok whom in the US is causing this? Maybe illegal immigrants and their first generation gang bangers because we have no border?????????Hmmmmmmyea that’s it!! And Ms Pelosi loves to bypass labor and tax laws for her special interest golden goose for election finance. Only thing that conservatives really want NEOLIBS is term limits and no funds to either party over the amount an individual can give to a single candidate. IE Soros can give two grand to the DNC over the course of the year and that’s it……..same for the RNC and then the corruption in washington ends…………Obama? Worst economically worst foreign policy (but gee we sure made ourselves safer under his tutoring, North Korea please no more missiles and we will pay even if you fire em!! ) WELCOME BACK CARTER, JIMMY CARTER THAT IS!!
April 2nd, 2009 at 4:26 pm
Tripe.
April 2nd, 2009 at 2:36 pm
wow…in reading some of the comments here, i find that alot of u guys r nuts.
April 2nd, 2009 at 2:09 pm
hahahahah you know what sucks? These worries and various other obviously ridculous and unfounded (unfounded, that is, to those who at least did their homework about the man first) worries/rumors sprang up starting from the time he announced his candidacy ALL THE WAY TILL NOW!! i still run into ppl who think hes gonna pull a fast one, right outta his ass, and start killing white ppl and rasing flags w/ ALLAH printed on them…..
so sad.
April 1st, 2009 at 5:14 pm
I’m laughing so hard at all the butt hurt conservatives posting here.
Great article, Brockway =)
March 15th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
I’m a regular contributor at HumanEvents.com, which I call Human Excrements. If not the zaniest of the websites of right-wing extremists, it apparently is one of the oldest; they proudly quote Ronald Reagan as saying it was his favorite newspaper. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that it’s probably the best place to find these flatworms, in all their jaw-dropping ignorance and heart-warming blood-lust. It’s almost like they’re daring you to comment, I mean, you just have to; and then they converge on you like a pack of hyenas. It’s terrific entertainment.
The key is humor. You can’t respond to rage and invective and take things personally. It’s much more effective, and challenging, to make a sort of dada talk show/cartoon out of it, and the denizens of this dark world are only too eager to cooperate. There’s no point in trying to debate anyone–they’re all reading from bumper stickers, fer Chrissake–but it is enormously entertaining to toss them tiny bits of reality and watch them pounce like wolves on fresh meat. You can actually make them attack each other! Great fun!
I’m tellin ya’, you don’t know what yer missin’…
March 4th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
“but I guess the Conservative media must have gotten their hands on the alternative version of that release where it was revealed that Obama followed his announcement with a long, uncomfortable silence, before finally busting up laughing, yelling “Psych! I’m totally gonna outlaw me the shit out of some guns!” and then running around the stage high-fiving domestic terrorists while eating the American flag.”
fucking brilliant
February 28th, 2009 at 3:21 am
I love the “Warrior, Scholar” guy. Hey Kwai Chang Caine your dulled Katana wallhanger aint gonna work in the revolution.
Now go clean of your Anime because i cant seem to turn the pages.
February 4th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
That was not only one of the worst articles I’ve read in recent memory, but it was a far cry from being funny or witty. Who could enjoy this when you keep taking stupid jabs (unsuccessfully) at those who consider themselves conservatives; lumping a few crazy nuts in with all right-wingers. All while maintaining the pompous “I love the smell of my own farts” attitude of the far liberals.
This really makes me want to visit some liberal forums and pick out some of the twisted shit they say… heres one, it only took me a minute! In response to an icestorm causing 1.5 million people to be without power/heat in the midwest a lefty wrote “god sends pretend christians ice storms, stupid children, tornadoes, hurricanes, stupid children, cars that can only race to the left, stupid children, professional wrestling, rednecks, stupid children, drought, floods, stupid children, baptists, fundamentalists, gay preachers, stupid children, snakes, killer bees, pretend christianity, etc.” (mocking you) These liberals are all so stupid, look at what one of them wrote!
January 30th, 2009 at 8:31 am
Ugh who cares. What a fricking train wreck of an article and comments section. And so was the Magic Negro one - wow, an RNC chair behaving like a douche? NEWS AT 11
January 30th, 2009 at 8:27 am
Sancho Says:
December 5th, 2008 at 5:55 am
~~~~
And yes, for every Right-wing extremist there’s a Left-wing extremist. But while the lefties read Marx and curse non-vegans, the righties go out and kill people. Pick which group is least suitable for a civilised democracy.
Hm, let’s see,
Leon Czolgosz: socialist/communist
Lee Harvey Oswald: communist
Charles Giteau: lived in a “free love” Oneida commune
Sirhan Sirhan: Arab nationalist
Yep every last assassin of a President, clearly all right-wing nutjobs..
He has cleverly concealed this hideous plot in the form of a program that proposes to give tax breaks to college students in exchange for performing some community service.
Um yeah.. Except that was only the second iteration of the plan. The first being that it would be compulsary.
Original change.gov text:
“Obama will call on citizens of all ages to serve America, by developing a plan to require 50 hours of community service in middle school and high school and 100 hours of community service in college every year.”
Altered change.gov text:
“Obama will call on citizens of all ages to serve America, by setting a goal that all middle school and high school students do 50 hours of community service a year and by developing a plan so that all college students who conduct 100 hours of community service receive a universal and fully refundable tax credit ensuring that the first $4,000 of their college education is completely free.”
Google it. And btw the left-libertarian/nuthouse prison planet documented this as did plenty of others on the left.
As for the “can-do attitude,” cleaning up streets etc., do you really want a bunch of preppy college kids stomping round your neighbourhood telling you incorrect recycling or owning a motor vehicle are going to cause the earth’s atmosphere to burn off? That large an extension of the nanny-state, intruding into your life, wouldn’t piss you off and worry you in equal measure, no matter what your thoughts on the environment?
January 22nd, 2009 at 8:45 pm
You just got a spot in my quotes section on facebook
Genuis!
January 19th, 2009 at 6:19 pm
Let us smoke in bars again!
January 12th, 2009 at 12:15 am
Bigj38:
”
Robert Brockway the genious political satirist? F*cking hell what a load. This half-assed, scrapbook, liberal piece of thinly veiled left-wing propaganda should have been flushed down some sort of cyber-toilet after I wiped my ass with it.
”
You wipe your ass with toilets? Fucking badass!
January 9th, 2009 at 11:01 pm
Sometimes it’s like people want to pretend Republicans and Democrats are from two completely different countries. Chill guys, the election’s over, Obama won, McCain lost, shit happens, no point getting pissy or gloating about it.
January 9th, 2009 at 9:31 pm
Yeah, because teaching tolerance to homosexuality will make us all gay. Just like ending racism made us all African Americans. We are so smart. Oh man. Do people listen to themselves?
I know not all right-wingers may feel this way, but the people that do, please take a look at yourself.
zA~
January 9th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
With an article title of: The 4 Craziest Right Wing Fears About Obama, it’s hilarious to read some of the fake intellectual and very pretentious comments on here, really, you crazies make me laugh even harder than the article did. Do you really believe this article was serious? Or do you realize how retarded you end up sounding by even pretending to take this seriously. It’s funny because the reactionary people who flame a comedic article end up sounding like crazy right wingers!
This is my favourite post on here that I read:
Wade Spaulding said:
“Your entire article is a logical fallacy… make a good case for how all conservatives are idiots by taking a single post totally out of context and then railing against all conservatives as idiots. Let’s just pretend you use quotes in context, which you don’t do a single time, you still build your case on a false base called Ad Hominem Abusive.”
Man, that fact that you manage to breath and type at the same time is a “logical fallacy”
January 8th, 2009 at 7:00 pm
Wade -
Please show me the point in the article where Brockway claims the extreme views he’s mocking are actually representative of the whole American right wing. The point of the article’s title is not “this is what right-wingers think”, it’s “this is what THESE right-wingers think”. His most recent article, FYI, is making fun of liberals.
January 8th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
I am not saying there are not bad Christians out there. But there are just as many or more people from other beliefs that are just as bad. I get really sick of people going on and on about how horrible Christians are and not even noticing they’re becoming the very people they hate. By hating. It’s a cycle, and it’s stupid.
In my opinion, anyone who lives thier life without hurting anyone is doing an awesome job, and I don’t care what they believe in. Most of Christians are like this, but only the ignorant, violent ones make the news. Trust me, I lived around them most of my life. Yes, there are crazies…just like every group has it’s crazies. And like every group, Christians everywhere groan and shake their heads when said crazies wind up on television spouting bullshit no one but thier fellow crazies believes.
There are many, MANY people of other beliefs who are just as violent, bigoted, and hateful, but would it be fair to say ALL [insert group name here] are bloodthirsty psychopaths because of the actions of a few? So what makes you think Christians are any different? They’re still people, they have flaws, but they’re people. And many of them are GOOD people. I get so sick of everyone ragging on them for every injustice known to man…you’d think they all gathered in dark corners every full moon and ate babies…the way some people talk about them.
Hell, I’ve been called horrible things just because I said something supporting Creationism, a subject I found fascinating at the time. But that was ‘offensive’. But it’s okay to talk about evolution? Double standard much? I’m all for fairness and not pissing people off, but it should be fair for all involved. Which is why I get so annoyed at Christian-bashers. Seriously, it’s ridiculous how some people go on and on when in reality they’re the ones pointing fingers and wishing ill on innocent people.
@BadAndi
No. It is not fair. I totally agree with you on that. So long as your shirt doesn’t contain blatantly rude images/text, have at.
@Kitourahime
That shouldn’t have happened, I’ve met a few people who were Wiccan/pagan, and they were very nice people. It’s just another belief, and should be tolerated like all the rest.
Like Christianity.
January 7th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
I think it’s genius.
January 7th, 2009 at 3:38 am
Fundies: Everyone hates them.
BadAndi:
I got sent to the school psychologist because I said I believe in witchcraft and a Goddess to my religion teacher.
…Who proceeded to tell me I was going to hell for my close-mindedness and ‘evil’.
…..Then prayed for my soul.
…….In class.
………While we all, quite literally, all edged towards the door.
January 6th, 2009 at 4:27 pm
Your entire article is a logical fallacy. I don’t care if I spelled that correctly, it doesn’t really matter. All this says to me is that you can make a good case for how all conservatives are idiots by taking a single post totally out of context and then railing against all conservatives as idiots. Let’s just pretend you use quotes in context, which you don’t do a single time, you still build your case on a false base called Ad Hominem Abusive. Here is a deffinition:
Abusive: An Abusive Ad Hominem occurs when an attack on the character or other irrelevant personal qualities of the opposition—such as appearance—is offered as evidence against her position. Such attacks are often effective distractions (”red herrings”), because the opponent feels it necessary to defend herself, thus being distracted from the topic of the debate.
As for you taking things completely out of context, if I were to make a countering article directed back at this one, I could build my case and make it appear strong by quoting you, deleting your name, and using sarcastic remakes from your own website to make it seem like I found out something from inside the “Liberal Media.” Make a post or an article with some substance, and when you argue use some logic. It will make you sound like an intellectual instead of an idiot. Oh and by the way, that last statement was an Ad Hominem Abusive statement.
January 4th, 2009 at 2:28 am
“wear a religious t-shirt”
Err, I went to a public high school, and people wore Christian T-Shirts all the time. They could also pray in school if they wanted too and could spout their religious views whenever they wanted.
Meanwhile, I wear a T-Shirt that says, “Got Wicca?” on it and get called into the damn Principal’s office. I say I’m not Christian and people look at me weird. Heaven forbid if I actually came out as being bi during high school.
Is this fair Charade?
January 2nd, 2009 at 11:28 pm
BARRACUDA
January 2nd, 2009 at 7:26 pm
I like to talk about stool.
December 31st, 2008 at 11:35 pm
Charade539:
There is no right to not be called a bigot or some other unpleasant thing, just as I have no right not to be called, for example, a godless whore. The beauty of free expression is that we both get to express ourselves, then the ideas get out there and hopefully the good ones win.
Re the right to pray in school: Unfortunately, opponents of church/state separation have been disingenuous in discussing this issue. A student absolutely has the right to pray in school, always has and always should. What is not legal is a school’s organizing prayer, leading prayer, or otherwise engaging in religious expression *as an official body*, lest it appear to be favoring one religion, or religiosity in general. There have been cases here and there of panicky teachers forbidding a student from some sort of religious expression, but if you can find me one where they didn’t get smacked down by the courts, I’d be truly stunned.
Re incidents of violence: “[Lefties are] the ones doing the rock throwing”? Do you really think it’s never happened the other way around?? Every side has its kooks, and the majority renounce that behavior.
There is no systematic campaign to destroy Christians, there’s only a systematic campaign to get equal and fair treatment for the rest of us. Christianity gets a lot of focus because it’s the religion that has been given preferred treatment by our government and society, and it’s the one that, when people DO try to force on others, they actually have a chance of succeeding.
Just FTR, I’m not trying to paint all Christians with one brush–many are content to do their thing without pushing it on anyone else. It’s just tough to keep writing “Christian supremacist,” and it makes what I write even wordier.
December 31st, 2008 at 7:44 pm
This was a stupid article. You’re reprinting the stupid posts of a few stupid people from some stupid forum; why even bother? Why does this deserve an article? Stupid shit gets written every day on every forum on earth about every subject conceivable; will you write articles about those posts too?
December 30th, 2008 at 11:36 am
Jen Says:
December 5th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Charade539:
The fundies are the only ones trying to take away the rights of other citizens based on their beliefs. Try doing some research of your own before you spew.
…Uhm. Right. Because taking away the right to pray in school, carry a bible, wear a religious t-shirt or even so much as BELIEVE in a god without being persecuted, called bigots, have ROCKS thrown at them, etc etc. Seriously, who’s taking away rights?
I have NEVER in my life told someone they couldn’t believe or do something (unless I thought it was going to cause property damage or physical harm…but that’s common sense, not religion). Christians are hated because it’s ‘cool’ to hate them. It’s ‘mainstream’ to hate them. Sure, there are a few bad ones, just like there are a few bad muslims, or athiests, or any other name you slap onto a group of people who think similarly.
So, in fact, the lefties are more in line with taking rights away than christians. Seeing as how they’re the ones doing the rock throwing. (Yeah, that actually happened. All because of some kid wearing a christian t-shirt.) Yup. Christians are the only ones to blame. Totally.
PS: Know what’s really funny? You probably hate me now on the sole fact that you think I’m christian. And I’m not. Enjoy your bigotry!
December 28th, 2008 at 10:49 am
am i the only freakin person slightly concerned at the fact that mr. prez elect has been married by, has his children baptized by, and had very close familial relations with that racist kook, rev. wright? let’s talk about extreme views for a moment here….
December 28th, 2008 at 10:42 am
@ george
so very, very true.
December 26th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
Wow. Here’s the forum where all this came from:
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2130364/posts
funny shit.
December 25th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
I think you missed the fact that some people think obama is the antichrist. This includes my grandma with horrible alsheimer’s, and my grandpa who might possibly be a paranoid schizophrenic. They are fucked up, period ->. (this thing)
I do not share their opinions in any way, just to pre-clarify.
December 25th, 2008 at 12:19 am
It doesn’t matter what I say about this due to the fact that people are so focused on their own views that they pick and decide what is “cool” according to what society states is “cool” and/or acceptable; thus the morals, ethics and principles our Founding Fathers have now withered away. The consistent bombardment of individualistic ideals people express through everyday life are guarded by their own conscience and narrow minded view of “how they are always correct” in their own mind. I witnessed many examples of this throughout daily activity and relationships in my life. I have noticed that most people, when addressing them in a conversation, hardly hear your conversation, communication, relatedness, or question. Thus, focusing on not listening to what you are saying but only forming up an answer, sometimes off topic, which benefits their vanity and egotistical vibrancy. They, in a way, metaphorically speaking, construct a wall or barrier in which your conversation is blocked, only that they may improve upon their answer in a highly selfish self-admonishment in grasping the “limelight.” Many people have become so hungry for self-approval from other people that they, sometimes, I believe, do this unconsciously and therefore becomes part of their nature. A person or individual should, when confronted with this ordeal with other individuals, acknowledge the fact that this person craves attention and should receive it, because vanity and selfish ego can be witnessed in the eyes of those who can see through the lens of humbleness and abstaining from confrontation of debate, which only leads to an escalation of animosity between two or more peoples (who feel threatened by those who understand and know a deeper more focused area of knowledge).
December 24th, 2008 at 7:07 pm
While it is unlikely that Obama would try to ban *all* guns, he has made clear his desire to ban so-called “assault weapons”. It is entirely reasonable for those who wish to own such weapons to stock up now. See the link in my signature for more information on his gun banning plans.
December 24th, 2008 at 11:17 am
You’re all morons, relax, no-one is taking anything from anyone. most of obamas knowledge is based on the american DEMOCRATIC system of law and government, mind you hes a lawyer. Conservatives, shut up, just shut the fuck up, and learn to give a shit about something besides yourselves. and liberals, stop whining, things went your way this time.
December 23rd, 2008 at 11:23 am
UG! As an actual thinking Conservative (who thought McCain was just as unappealing as Obama), I know ALL TOO WELL how dumb some of us can sound. Reading this article is like seeing your redneck cousin’s name in the DUI list in the paper… again.
To be fair though, there are just as many Obama supporters who mindlessly chant “Change” over and over again and think Obama will nuzzle the economy in his busom and no one will want for anything again (a la Chuck Norris).
December 22nd, 2008 at 4:48 pm
phicks, thanks for saying I “rule”, but I’m a libertarian: my goal is to unrule.
December 20th, 2008 at 4:57 am
Rly?! Damn, I KNEW Obama and Tony Stark were close, man! Just check the jawline!
And yes, Conservatives are as crazy as depicted, clinging to your over-wrought relifious based ideals and failing to evolve socially.
Iron Man Obama will rule this country just fine, until such a time as his bionics short out and he has to rebuild his android clone.
December 20th, 2008 at 4:00 am
@Redstar: too true.
December 19th, 2008 at 4:44 am
Are these people for real?
Treat others the way you want to be treated!
December 18th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
sisyphus- the title of the article literally is “The 4 Craziest Right Wing Fears About Obama”
the title is not “4 things that every republican ever thinks about obama”
It’s called reading and understanding but what I really mean by saying that is that you’re an idiot.
You guys are just mad that obama has an ironman suit and you don’t.
December 18th, 2008 at 6:45 pm
Talk about a cherry picked list of comments. I can imagine the luminaries at Cracked:
Cracked Liberal #1: “We don’t like conservatives, but we’re too cowardly to say so. What to do?”
Cracked Liberal #2: “Make a list mocking them and post it on the site. But a list of what?”
Lib #1: “Well, we can look through the internet for the most wackjob ‘conservative’ comments and then inaccurately portray them to represent conservatives generally.”
Lib #2: “We’re geniuses. Meet you at Starbucks?”
_____________
“Raz” wrote:
“u want the liberty to have the guns if u want to, but that also gives that liberty to the inane dude across the street, right? And what do u need a gun for? Protection u say. From Who? From armed maniacs around! Duh. I must apologize, cuz i’m not so good with circular logic…”
Americans don’t “want the liberty to have guns.” All humans (even you) are entitled to defend themselves and their families.
Gun control has been a failure everywhere it has been tried. It merely removes guns from law abiding citizens while giving criminals an added incentive to commit crime.
By the way, Raz, please take your ignorant contempt for America elsewhere. You know nothing about my people or my country apart from what has been fed to you via flimsy pop culture. It is you who should “grow up.”
December 18th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
First off, I’m not American, so if I say anything offensive it is simply because i am not familiar with ur lifestyle. And now for the question: what da fuck is wrong with you people!? OK, u want the liberty to have the guns if u want to, but that also gives that liberty to the inane dude across the street, right? And what do u need a gun for? Protection u say. From Who? From armed maniacs around! Duh. I must apologize, cuz i’m not so good with circular logic… And whats with that fear of gays? Don’t worry, they won’t try to ram ur ass on the first chance and then, turn u gay forever. (it makes them a bit like vampires, only these guys don’t bite u, they rape you!). Relax, and don’t be a spoiled nation, because that is the image you have in the world. Grow up.
(on a side note, i know some Americans so I know that not everyone are like that. But all of you need is 2 10 assholes in the crowd of 100 people to make the crowd look like populated with assholes. So again, I aplologise to wussies that i have offended)
December 18th, 2008 at 8:26 am
Like some other Republicans, I find this rather extremist, trite, elitist, ultra-liberal cherry-picking of right-wing comments to be ridiculous. And some of the fears of Bama are actually TRUE, too, like some other Republicans pointed out. Except for the Venn diagram which makes no sense. Another Republican pointed this out, too. Therefore, we are right and the radical liberal who wrote this crap is wrong.
Now as far as the homosexual agenda, that one is REAL. If you look at the picture of Bama eating a hotdog, you can see that he is also wearing one of those pink bracelets while his wife has an OMG, that’s gross look on her face. What are the odds of those three things converging, if Bama were not gay? I was talking to my Republican buddy about the Bama homosexual agenda yesterday in the bathroom. He agreed with me and then tapped his foot on the floor to ask for more TP. Finally, can someone explain to me how to do the ascii penis art? I decided to do a Republican study on that art so I can learn about it, fight it, and keep kids away from those keys.
So there you have it–it’s all TRUE except the Venn diagram and some of the other stuff.
December 18th, 2008 at 4:22 am
i dont know why people think obama is a socialist muslim who is going to personally go to every republicans house to take all of their guns away.
honestly, i hope all of that is true. oh and dont say youll shoot him with your guns when he comes to take them away because obama has an iron man suit. its pretty ballin. your bullets wont harm him.
i say this in hopes that people will start saying obama has an iron man suit and maybe photoshop a sweet picture(please?) that crazy people on the net will start freaking out and make that seem like a bad thing too.
obama has an iron man suit. he does.
December 18th, 2008 at 12:31 am
ThisGuy-
you wouldnt be happy to take my gun, that i can gaurantee. unless you and your fellow brown shits–i mean shirts sneak up on me unawares, you each get a 12 gauge slug to the face when i see you.
December 17th, 2008 at 8:02 pm
The ‘Hitler Youth’ comments came from an early proposal on Obama’s website for a call for much greater expansion of community service including a program for high-school age kids which was both ‘voluntary’ and ‘mandatory’ at the same time. They seem to have since cleaned that up.
The gun-grabbing however doesn’t come from Obama’s campaign site, but from his past voting record which has him supporting some very stringent gun-control legislation. Then again there is the whole thing with ‘common sense’ not being so common. One person may see ’sensible’ regulation to be, “Okay, let’s not let felons and clinical psychotics purchase these.” Another, “I don’t need a gun, therefor nobody needs a gun, get rid of All of them.”
The Black Panther one is a bit of a stretch, but probably was inspired by his past ties to Reverend Wright who has some pretty extreme opinions about ‘Whitey’.
I have no idea where the Gay Berzerkergang Legions of Fabulousness came from though.
December 16th, 2008 at 11:23 pm
That was very funny.
And very sad.
Mostly funny, but only because we won.
December 15th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
Holy shit! Somebody finally called me on it!
Congratulations, jkono29, if I had a prize to give you and weren’t so incredibly, cripplingly greedy - I would totally give it to you!
The second I made that diagram, I thought “no way the internet is letting me get away with this shit.” But I just couldn’t make the accurate Venn diagram without losing the joke.
Amazingly, it turns out the internet is much more interested in self-righteous soap-boxing than logical relevance. Who knew?
December 15th, 2008 at 12:12 am
Your Venn diagram is a little screwed up. If what you say is true, “all panthers are black,” then the ‘Panthers’ circle should lie entirely within the ‘Blacks’ circle. Of course that would make it harder to make the ‘Obama-ocalypse’ joke…
December 13th, 2008 at 8:03 am
Thanks for this. Ridiculing the excesses of extremists is both entertaining and important for social justice. Way to go, Cracked.
December 12th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
“Obama will be another Jimmy Carter, and we’ll forget all about him in 4 years once we get another Ronald Reagan into office.”
If your greatest hope for reviving the fortunes of your party is to get someone who resembles a senile ex-actor whose governing style could be generously described as “asleep at the wheel” and who was the originator of the borrow-and-spend school of Republicanism that Bush has perfected then you’re in trouble indeed. Time to kill the Cult of Reagan if you folks want to come back out of the wilderness.
December 12th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
Will we still love Sarah Palin in 4 years when she is pre-menopausal, or totally menopausal in 8 years?
December 12th, 2008 at 5:59 am
I can’t be respectful of another person’s intelligence when that person’s opinions are like those described in this post. I’d like to be, but there’s a point beyond which I’m going to start to question someone’s intelligence. For example, if you tell me that cavemen hunted dinosaurs, I am going to think you’re an idiot who knows nothing about science and is too lazy to learn.
Yes, some people voted Republican in this election because they had a religious fanatic to identify with (Sarah Palin), and others because they wanted anyone but the black guy. I am aware that religion and racism aren’t the only reasons people vote Republican. But if those are a person’s reasons, then yes, that person should be ashamed.
To Mr. Unashamed, you wrote a lot about what liberals think conservatives are, and how wrong liberals are for believing all those things about you. But you didn’t actually state your own beliefs. If you want people to realize how correct you are about everything, and why you have no reason to be ashamed, you have to put something out there other than a long whine consisting of how wrong liberals are. What’s right about your beliefs? Why should people agree with you? “Because the people who don’t agree with me are wrong!” is not an answer.
In my opinion, that’s why Obama won this election. He ran a positive campaign (for the most part), while McCain ran a very negative one. Obama actually had something to say, and rarely focused on his opponents, even with such a stellar example of stupidity and corruption to mock (yes, again, I mean Sarah Palin).
So, conservatives, come up with something to say, something that doesn’t have anything to do with what you’re afraid of (for instance, the government taking your guns, gay people, terrorism). Start talking about what kind of future you want to see, and how your party would make our country a better place.
December 12th, 2008 at 2:24 am
Thank you for ruining anal for me forever. The next time my girlfriend grants me access to the back door, all I’m going to be able to think about is murderous flaccid bloody-murder. Thank you so much.
Also, great article!
December 11th, 2008 at 10:37 pm
iwillneverbeashamed-
I will say only this. You are a racist. And I will be more than happy, I will be overjoyed, to personally pry that gun from your cold dead hands.
December 11th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
iwillneverbeashamed, i absolutely agree with everything you said. i’m also glad that you write intelligently and don’t make us republicans look like idiots. i am glad to have you on my side and hopefully all you said about obama being another carter will be right. once again, great comment.
December 11th, 2008 at 1:05 am
IWillNEVERbeAshamed:
did you READ any of the comments actually quoted here? I don’t think the guy is trying to say that anyone who has a few doubts about whether or not Obama is going to pony up and deliver all he promised is a retard. I think he’s trying to draw attention to how completely bat-shit insane some people are, and how far people will go to avoid having to think about a larger issue so they can hide in irrational hate. Comparing Obama to Hitler? To the Black Panthers? I’m not overtly willing to get on my knees and “gobbling the cock” as you so eloquently put it, but I’m not so stupid that I’m going to compare a politician like Obama to an insane dictator like Hitler or an organization with a track record like the Black Panthers.
And speaking “sore winners”, you may not remember or you may have chosen to overlook, the Bush supporters were not exactly the most stately and benign winners after the last election. Your talking about finger-pointing and all the unfair generalizations that liberals attach to right-wing supporters while you do exactly the same thing. Not to say that the left is flawless or that no one who voted for Obama has not said that right-wing people are all “stupid, fanatical, creationist, Nazi gun-toting, gay-hunting, Bible-thumping red state retards”, but if you’re trying to make a point that the left is unfair to the opposite side of the issue, than I suggest you try to find a more reasonable and less aggressive way to say it.
Perhaps if you didn’t refer to Obama as a “Chocolate Messiah” people would be less inclined to believe you are a racist, and therefore less inclined to attach racism to the political opinions you are supporting. Perhaps if you found a way to express your opinion that didn’t constantly make reference to various people sucking various cocks and talked about politics with the sort of reasonable arguements people have come to expect from anyone above the age of fourteen they would be able to see validity in your opinions instead of the cloud of obscenity and bile you’ve surrounded them in now.
I’m not really naive enough to assume you’ll do anything except call me a stupid bitch for suggesting you cool down and be rational about what I’m sure may be perfectly logical and reasonable arguements, but I figured I’d try anyway. Because I’m an optimist like that.
December 10th, 2008 at 8:20 pm
OMG THIS IS JUST SOOO HYSTERICAL!!! Wow, a rabid liberal blogging about those stupid, fanatical, creationist, Nazi gun-toting, gay-hating, Bible-thumping red state retards! Man, I’m CERTAINLY not sick of this trite, tired, played-out bullshit, no way!
Yes, yes liberals, we evil RepubliKKKan conservatard monsters get it…we are all reactionary idiots and of course, RACISTS for not blindly gobbling the cock of Obama Jesus. How DARE we have opinions that are not exactly the same as yours, how dare we not be thrilled with the buzzwords of “hope and change”, and how dare we not immediately join the leftist circlejerk over our Chocolate Messiah? God forbid we have differing opinions, it’s just more typical stupidity from the evil right-wing monsters! The NERVE of us believing things that aren’t what the liberals would like us to believe, and here in a free country! Man, we sure are terrible!
But seriously liberals….have you noticed that you aren’t practicing what you preach? You blather on and on about “hope and change” and “uniting, not dividing”, yet you never fail to miss an opportunity to attack the other side. You never get tired of name-calling, and you certainly seem to love acting superior to those of us who have different thoughts and opinions. And you just cannot understand why there is so much enmity between liberals and conservatives, even though you are out there fanning the flames every chance you get. Do you really think that calling conservatives rednecks, stupid ignorant hillbillies, idiots, and religious fanatics (and those are the NICER names) is going to win them over to your point of view? REALLY? If you do, you must not know anything about human nature, because people don’t like to be treated like subhuman scum for not liking or supporting a certain political figure.
Oh, and the whole “racism” shit has gotten REAL old. Just so you know, you guys won’t be able to play that card much longer, because more and more people just don’t CARE any more. No matter what we do, we’re always racist, there’s no pleasing anyone, so people are just sick of trying. But hey, keep on screaming about how all us RepubliKKKans are racist, it definitely won’t backfire on you! Nope, not at all!
It’s OK though….this too shall pass. Obama will be another Jimmy Carter, and we’ll forget all about him in 4 years once we get another Ronald Reagan into office, and Obama will just be remembered as a mistake, just like Carter. Can’t wait…and good riddance. He can go back to his racist church and lecture on how terrible whitey is, with his buddy pastor…that should keep him busy!
And you’ll get my guns when you pry them from my cold, dead hands. I’m a lifetime member of the NRA and I will never be ashamed of that, nor will I ever be ashamed about my political beliefs or opinions, no matter how hard you liberals try to make me ashamed. IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN, so maybe it’s time to give up? After all, you won, so why do you have to be such sore winners? You got what you wanted, isn’t that enough? Why is it necessary to continually kick people while they’re down? Classless scum…and shit like that is why I would be ashamed to be one of you. You deserve the eye-opening surprises you’ll get from your boy Barry, but it’s too bad the rest of us will have to suffer along with you. But maybe you’ll learn a valuable lesson…..
December 10th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
Unfortunately, this isn’t the worst I’ve heard. Right wing nut jobs abound. The thing I find disturbing is they beleive every word that comes out of their mouth as if their life depended on it. Just recently I had a professor of the right leaning kind, who predicted doom and apocalypse, and that we would revert to bartering. Sounds insane right, yeah we was like 80, but I’ve heard similar comments from younger right leaning guys, (hardly ever women except for Mann Coulter, but then again she does have a pair, or maybe just most women on the right don’t speak their mind the way right wingers like Limbaugh and other guys do ). Oh and yeah they all usually lean a little racist, homophobic, nativist, you name it anything not a white american male is the enemy. Their sense of entitlement didn’t end with a Nintendo Wii or paintballing, it moved on to guns–I’ve met gun nuts who talk about shooting the way a gamer talks about the latest level he passed in Warcraft and relish every moment they talk about it(I’ve been near arms that have been fired, and really find no use to having them, a bat will do just as well for protection–unless you want to have a shootout in your house.) Conservative bull. If u live in fear in a bad neighborhood then move out. I don’t know about their paranoia, but I wouldn’t want to live my life in fear or worrying about one day having to use that gun in my drawer. And why is being optmistic, progressive, and socially conscious only a “liberal” idea? Oh that’s right cause it changes the world around your convervative little minds and you guys don’t like change–tough. Change for the better, please.
December 10th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
Cherry picking comments from various blogs to prove the opposition are nut jobs?? I’d at least respect you if you turned your sarcasm to the Daily Kos of Huffo.
December 10th, 2008 at 8:53 am
The best comments (well the ones I bothered to read anyway) are those that contain phrases such as ‘you’ll see’ and ‘just you wait until’… I love people that can see into the future. They’re sexy.
December 10th, 2008 at 1:41 am
oh and tamfang, you rule!!!!!
December 10th, 2008 at 1:40 am
i love this article, been a republican all my life and i am mad as hell that obama got elected. i know that he will ruin america and i can’t wait until he makes his first mistake so i can ridicule him. all that said, even i think the people who wrote those fears in the above list are nutjobs. he isn’t the antichrist or anything, just a bad choice for president.
December 10th, 2008 at 1:33 am
You know the “antiterrorist” bullshit that’s properly mocked elsewhere on this site? Well, if you follow gun politics at all, you’ll soon find that “common sense controls” is code for the same kind of thing: measures that sound brilliant to those who can’t be bothered to follow a chain of consequences past its first step, but have no empiric benefit other than letting their sponsors preen about how brave they are in standing up to “the gun lobby”.
The Gun Control Act of 1968, perhaps our biggest single example of “common sense controls”, was followed by thirty straight years in which the murder rate was higher than it had been before. Yeah, let’s have more of that! Despite an unbroken record of failures, the advocates of victim disarmament remain steadfast in their faith that next time, if the next piece of legislation is tough enough, violence will cease to exist. Because if it weren’t for the plague of guns, nobody would ever be killed with knives, crowbars, gasoline, improvised garrottes, or fists.
Gun control in the USA was invented to keep a certain class of citizens from defending their homes against Klansmen. Nowadays its most dramatic effect is to keep people at schools from stopping crazies before they reload. (Incidentally, about eight of the top ten mass murders in US history did not involve guns.)
To the subject of Her Majesty who can’t understand why anyone would want to own a gun — well, I can’t understand why anyone would want to own a dog of the yapping or slobbering breeds, eat cilantro, watch Benny Hill or set the radio to an Easy Listening station. But since you ask: one possible reason is that it’s hardwired into the (male) human brain to enjoy hitting targets. Another is that self-protection ultimately cannot be delegated.
It has been pointed out that this is a humor site, so when it plays on a stereotype of gun owners as mental defectives (as I’ve seen on about three pages today) I shouldn’t take it seriously. Okay, ha ha. Where are the jokes about stingy Jews and lazy persons of color?
December 9th, 2008 at 9:16 pm
Oh my god. I have been a republican since 1976 and NOTHING I have ever read was funnier or dumber.
Makes me wish to reregister as a whig just to avoid being grouped with those people..:)
December 9th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
[...] read more | digg story Share and Enjoy: [...]
December 9th, 2008 at 11:57 am
Tis madness i tell you, madnesssss.
Yeh, i liked the article, twas funny.
December 9th, 2008 at 11:29 am
Hannah Montana invented spam.
December 9th, 2008 at 7:49 am
Guess what, I just found she have a profile on a dating site for celebrities and millionaires ****** W e a l t h y s o u l M a t e .C O M **********. How cool is this. &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
December 8th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
[...] Four Craziest Right-wing Fears About Obama The funniest/saddest part is I know there’s several people who post here who actually believe some o… __________________ Click. Read. Be awed by my awesomeness. And enjoy! 2002 Lincoln LS - daily [...]
December 8th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
props to 101st Keyboard Commando for the ‘Red Dawn’ reference
December 8th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
Some commenters here happily point out that their political leanings are to the right of the Nazis - That’s pretty fucked up right there.
December 8th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
“first of all this is HUMOR website say it with me people. so quit taking it so seriously you friggin right wingers and second i am sorry but the truth hurts and becomes funny when put on cracked!!!”
So, it’s just a joke. And it’s serious. Thanks for clearing that up.
December 8th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
first of all this is HUMOR website say it with me people. so quit taking it so seriously you friggin right wingers and second i am sorry but the truth hurts and becomes funny when put on cracked!!! that is why cracked is popular and funny because it makes funny of all the crazy stuff out there
December 8th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Holy f*ckstick and here I thought the elections were over and we could stop with this political “humor” garbage! I don’t give a steaming pile of sh*t who supports what side of the never ending left wing/right wing battle or why. If I felt like diving into some political comedy I’d go to CNN and brush up on whatever the latest economic stimulus package is they’ve decided to waste my money on today.
Robert Brockway the genious political satirist? F*cking hell what a load. This half-assed, scrapbook, liberal piece of thinly veiled left-wing propaganda should have been flushed down some sort of cyber-toilet after I wiped my ass with it. Takes a real genius to ctrl c and ctrl v the most crazy, bat-shit insane blogs they can find and then point out their inaccuracies. If you’re going to be this grossly inaccurate in your portrayal of a political party of a why not go all the way, and dig through some KKK blog and label their posts as being representative of the right wing majority? Or maybe go find the lunatic ravings of some meth-smoking hippie and label those as the views of the left-wing?
Give your readers some goddamn comic relief from their repetitive, hum-drum day! And Brockway- even if you’re not that funny you can still at least make a vague effort at being fucking accurate and original.
December 8th, 2008 at 11:12 am
Oh noes! The Supreme Court iz in on the cunspirshy too
Time to buys lots of canned guds and gunz
Wolverines!!
December 8th, 2008 at 10:27 am
“I used to think that over-eager, politically unhinged commentors made Cracked funny. It’s getting old now.”
Of course. Everyone who doesn’t vote the way I do is “unhinged.”
December 8th, 2008 at 10:01 am
I used to think that over-eager, politically unhinged commentors made Cracked funny.
It’s getting old now.
December 8th, 2008 at 9:56 am
“On only his second post, Brockway broke the Cracked.com comment record.”
Well, golly, slap together a lame political piece (cherrypicking blog comments? COMMENTS? Really?) in the wake of one of the most hotly contested political campaigns in history and JEEPERS look at the response!
Stick to “Top Five Worst Videos of the 80s” and stuff. No more Olbermanning.
December 8th, 2008 at 6:22 am
Man, look at you people, now we’re arguing about weither or not Hitler was a liberal? What the hell?
This is a freaking comedy site, have you read some of the other articles written here? Why is that because god forbid, they think that it’s a little crazy when someone thinks Obama is a secret black panther that wants to build an army of children and gay people, that they must be in the tank for Obama?
I swear, some of the comments here about this site and Obama are even nuttier than what was quoted in the article itself.
I didn’t even vote for Obama, but this stuff is ridiculous.
December 7th, 2008 at 11:21 pm
[...] four craziest right wing thoughts on Obama I have never heard these. These must be made made up and thus fall into the realm of insane. The 4 Craziest Right Wing Fears About Obama | Cracked.com [...]
December 7th, 2008 at 9:36 pm
OK People. Time to leave. Like your favorite barkeep says, “You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here”.
On only his second post, Brockway broke the Cracked.com comment record. Jack O’Brien has probably had to dip into petty cash and hire a a pair of underage prostitutes for Brockway’s comment-record bonus prize.
And it’s all because of handful of dedicated and politically astute commenters. Yes you folks. And you managed to do it in the most ABSOLUTELY …. BOOOORING … SELF-RIGHTEOUS … LONG-FUCKING-WINDED … and UNFUNNY way possible.
Give yourselves a hug.
Then go away.
Please.
December 7th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
Best thing I’ve ever read on the internet, well written, good job sir.
December 7th, 2008 at 8:01 pm
“Actually, the point I made about peer-reviewed studies is that the reviewers are a diverse group.”
That’s the theory. In reality, they are not.
December 7th, 2008 at 7:00 pm
They’re gonna take your talk radio away! They’re gonna take your guns away! They’re gonna take your money away! They’re gonna take your marriage away! They’re gonna take your fetuses away! They’re gonna take your religion away! They’re gonna take your values away!
December 7th, 2008 at 6:55 pm
We would prefer to have Sarah Palin push the red button to end the world because of her apocalyptic religious views.
December 7th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
Are you fucking kidding me with this shit? People actually believe that Obama will bring about the end of the world?
December 7th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Well; label me right wing crazy! I just happened to have posted an article this morning describing a bit of the baby killing and gay lobby pumping and their consequences. Should by quite amusing to you until you get to the video describing How Liberals Think. Please leave a comment and report just how much of that video you were able to watch. Thus far my liberal commenters report being able to stand no more than 5 minutes before turning it off. Why? Because it stings to hear the truth about your own failings.
December 7th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
Actually, the point I made about peer-reviewed studies is that the reviewers are a diverse group. I seriously doubt you are familiar with them, as I find it hard to believe you know anything about academia.
The differences between national socialism and social democracy are not just the details, but also the big bullet points. The practice of both are different, the goals of both are different, the supporters of both are different. In fact, the only thing they have in common is the word “social”, which is a common word for political parties, like “democratic”.
I think you’ve gotten a bot confused with all this. While it is not new to assert that communism and fascism are more similar than people think, the reasons for similarity is not centralized control, but rather the extremist views of the party. Extremists from both sides of the fence tend to resemble each other after a while. In fact, I believe this has one of the threads that has run through this comment section from time to time.
Social democracy is less about centralized control, and more about using modes of cooperation rather than market modes of competition to determine resource distribution. Yes, it is lumped under the heading of “collectivist” ideologies, and so is fascism, but all that means is that both stress the interdependence of individuals. I believe US conservatives could also be termed collectivist due to the party’s platform concerning national defense. Collectivism, in he larger sense, is not a bad thing. But it takes many forms, and some of those forms are quite bad (Nazism).
December 7th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
“National socialism is completely different from social democracy.”
In the details. Centralised control is still centralised control. You can pretend that the tiniest differences form a huge gulf between very similar ideologies, but that resembles nothing so much as followers of two Christian denominations insisting that they have nothing in common with each other.
December 7th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
“Cavalier X, studies like Britt’s are peer-reviewed”
Yes, I know all about peer-reviewed studies. It means that a group of academics with the same point of view all agreed it was a valid conclusion. Pardon me if i’m not surprised.
December 7th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
“- The American Heritage Dictionary”
When you have to resort to making up dictionary definitions to try and prove your point, you really should just stop typing. I looked up the actual AH Dictionary defeintion of fascism, and here it is:
1. often Fascism
a. A system of government marked by centralization of authority under a dictator, stringent socioeconomic controls, suppression of the opposition through terror and censorship, and typically a policy of belligerent nationalism and racism.
b. A political philosophy or movement based on or advocating such a system of government.
2. Oppressive, dictatorial control.
- The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition.
Copyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company.
Your “definition,” sir, most likely came from an anti-Bush web site called “impeach them,” not the American Heritage Dictionery. You are a liar and a fool. It is attributed to Giovanni Gentile, who created his philosophy of Fascism out of the Marxist tradition. Please, for your own sake, stop typing until you educate yourself.
December 7th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Cavalier X, studies like Britt’s are peer-reviewed, which means they do not see the light of day unless a group of anonymous scholars in the same field agree that it has academic merit. They may not agree with the conclusions, but they must agree that the study meets the criteria of academic rigor. Academia is not filled with as many liberals (read social democrats) as some people might think, and the field of political science is equally represented with people from both the left and the right. These studies do not reflect personal agendas.
December 7th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
Jim is right about this one. In political science, fascists are on the extreme right side of the spectrum, and communists are on the left. If you’d like to read a bit more about this, look into Barrington Moore’s “Social origins of dictatorship and democracy”. It is one of the most influential books in political science today. He identifies the class coalitions that led to fascism in Germany and Japan, communism in Russia, and democracy in Britain and the US.
Fascism today is considered to be most closely related with corporatism, which is when there is a robust and institutionalized relationship between the state and business. That should not be confused with neo-corporatist countries today, such as Sweden, where there is an institutionalized relationship between labor, the state, and business.
National socialism is completely different from social democracy. Hitler’s national socialism involved 3 main ideas: that history is a race struggle based on social darwinism, that pure Germans need to be willing to submit to a totalitarian regime in order to win the race struggle, and that a Jewish/Communist conspiracy had undermined Germany’s position at the end of WWI.
A social democracy is a tax-funded welfare state, where key industries are nationalized, and the market operates at times through cooperation rather than competition. An example of this would be when labor unions agree to accept lower wages to keep inflation in check, and in turn the state agrees to fund welfare programs like pensions and health care to cover part of the workers’ costs of living (this happens in European social democracies).
Whether a social democracy is a good idea is a matter of opinion, but it is certainly not in the same family as national socialism.
The poster who thinks Mao and Stalin were fascists is possibly confusing the term “fascist” with “dictator”.
December 7th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
I find it slightly more worrisome that there’s so many people saying how this isn’t a fair and balanced “report” of how things are on the right.
Um…
Isn’t this a comedy site?
December 7th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
Sorry, Jim, but “studies” like those of Britt are aimed to back up a point of view rather than objectively uncover the facts. Whether you like it or not, central control of the economy and subjection of individual rights to the “common good” are trademarks of Collectivist regimes, from Stalin to Pol Pot, from Hitler to Kim Jong Il. Fascism is, indeed, a form of Collectivism. And we’re heading right down that same path with the “Cult of Obama” you Liberals are so vigorously applauding. Here’s something to consider: the Obamessiah is expected to appoint an “Auto Czar” to exert control over the automotive industry, and the Federal government has already taken control of the banking/lending industry. Next up is health care. Within a generation, you won’t be able to scratch your ass without obtaining prior permission from half a dozen government bureaucrats. Every aspect of the economy and our personal lives will be dictated from Washington DC.
December 7th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
Dr. Lawrence Britt, a political scientist, published research on fascism in which he examined the fascist regimes of Hitler, Mussolini, Franco, Suharto and several Latin American regimes. Britt found 14 defining characteristics common to each fascist State:
Here are 5 of them..
1. Powerful and Continuing Nationalism - Fascist regimes tend to make constant use of patriotic mottos, slogans, symbols, songs and other paraphernalia. Flags are seen everywhere as are flag symbols on clothing and in public displays.
2. Disdain for the recognition of Human Rights - Because of fear of enemies and the need for security, the people in fascist regimes are persuaded that human rights can be ignored in certain cases because of “need.” The people tend to look the other way or even approve of torture, summary executions, assassinations, long incarceration of prisoners, etc.
3. Identification of Enemies/Scapegoats as a Unifying Cause - The people are rallied into a unifying patriotic frenzy over the need to eliminate a perceived common threat or foe: racial, ethnic or religious minorities; liberals/LIBERALS; communists; socialists; terrorists, etc.
4. Supremacy of the Military - Even when there are widespread domestic problems, the military is given a disproportionate amount of government funding, and the domestic agenda is neglected. Soldiers and military are glamorized.
5. Rampant sexism - The government of fascist nations tend to be almost exclusively male-dominated. Under fascist regimes, traditional gender roles are made more rigid. Divorce, abortion and homosexuality are suppressed and the state is represented as the ultimate guardian of the family institution.
Sounds more like you rightwingers than liberals
December 7th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
fas-cism n. A system of government that exercises a dictatorship of the extreme right, typically through the merging of state and business leadership, together with belligerent nationalism. - The American Heritage Dictionary
December 7th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
“Fascism has taken up an attitude of complete opposition to the doctrines of Liberalism, both in the political field and the field of economics. - Mussolini”
Mussolini, of course, was referring to Classical Liberalism… which is most closely represented today by Conservatism.
“Both Hitler and Mussolini PRETENDED to have socialist aspirations as part of their propaganda efforts during their rise to power”
They pretended so well that they continued to implement Socialist policies all through their rule, in fact. Wow, now that’s pretending!
“But to call Hitler left-wing or socialist is ignorant to the extreme”
Only if by “ignorant” you mean “totally accurate.” Naziism, Socialism, Communism and Fascism are all forms of Collectivism — the Left-wing ideology which holds that the State ought to control the means of production, redistribute private wealth for “the common good” and subjugate the free will of individuals to the will of the State. This point of view is most closely aligned with modern Liberalism.
Please get a cllue and stop trying to pretend the Nazis didn’t follow the same basic precepts as every other Left-wing ideology. Those who are ignorant of history are doomed… to look stupid on the Internet.
December 7th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
“Just cause ol’ Adolph claimed it doesn’t make it true.”
OK, so they named their party the Socialist party, their leaders called themselves Socialists, they promoted Socialist ideals and implemented Socialist policies… but weren’t Socialists because, what — that makes you feel creepy about yourself? Can’t argue with that kind of “logic.” If you ARE a Socialist, maybe you OUGHT to examine your ideology more thoroughly.
December 7th, 2008 at 11:39 am
I find it hilarious that this article has people so inflamed…grow a sense of humor ffs. I would find it just as funny if this were an article about the craziest left wing fears about McCain…
December 7th, 2008 at 11:20 am
Sam, are you calling Mussolini, the founder of Fascism, a liar? He was just kidding when he said, “Fascism should more appropriately be called Corporatism because it is a merger of State and corporate power”?
Mussolini defined fascism as being a right-wing collectivistic ideology in opposition to socialism, liberalism, democracy and individualism.
December 7th, 2008 at 11:15 am
The number of people raging against this article, and those wildly defending it are predictable, and indeed acceptable.
What stupid about this comment stream is the people who throw their arms in the air and say “Gosh, stop taking this all so seriously! It’s COMEDY, get a sense of humor!”
First off, if people don’t find this comedic, and indeed find it a sneering jab at conservatism, they have a right to criticize it on that basis - this is indeed a comedy site, and the negetive slide of “Funny” to “Political” Cracked.com has taken since the election season began is troubling enough to have buckets of people jumping ship to CollegeHumor.com for their jollies.
Secondly, and perhaps less objectively, it seems clear enough that the author was making a political statement and trying to insulate the validity of it in a thin sheen of gaff - naturally, Mr. Brockway is entitled to do so and is probably, unlike many commenters, aware of the fact that to make a political statement is to invite opposition.
Write on, Brockway. You’ve got the diction and the style to crank out funnies, and your record proves that, but c’mon, guy. You’ve done better than this.
December 7th, 2008 at 9:51 am
Man, I swear Cracked dosen’t have any better material for comedy than the very comments made on this site. Especially comments made by republicans who have to get their shit in a grind over the opinions of some editor who works for a former Mad Magazine competitor.
Grow a sense of humor, for god’s sake.
December 7th, 2008 at 9:27 am
We would like to say we especially enjoyed this.
December 7th, 2008 at 9:08 am
This article is more of a non-satirical, mainstream leftist rant that one might find on a liberal message board than the incisive wit we usually see on this site.
How can this be funny when it merely parrots what the infotainment, Oprah-sopped, moron culture have been shoving down our throats for two years? It’s not the political positioning that makes it unfunny, it’s the unoriginality and anger beneath the writer’s words.
December 7th, 2008 at 8:34 am
Hmm Jim your theory would carry weight if it wasn’t for the fact the two other biggest facists in history were also socialist, stalin and mao.
Facism is and always has been a form of socialism.
December 7th, 2008 at 8:08 am
I for one find that comedy websites are the best possible forum for political discussion and debate.
December 7th, 2008 at 6:54 am
Mussolini wrote in The Political and Social Doctrine of Fascism:
Fascism has taken up an attitude of complete opposition to the doctrines of Liberalism, both in the political field and the field of economics. - Mussolini
Those who repeat the “Nazis were socialists” claim are, in fact, falling for (and repeating) Nazi propaganda from the 1920s.
Both Hitler and Mussolini PRETENDED to have socialist aspirations as part of their propaganda efforts during their rise to power, largely as a way of encouraging working-class support. But they were unquestionably rightwing politically by the time they obtained power, and in fact were viciously anti-leftwing as well.
But to call Hitler left-wing or socialist is ignorant to the extreme, and an insult to the millions who lost their lives fighting his politics. The strongest and most persistent resistance to Hitler’s politics came from communists and socialists. The biggest support came from conservatives and businessmen.
Hitler’s fascists, somewhat in contrast to Mussolini, only adopted a limited socialist rhetoric as a sop to its efforts to recruit from the working class. Hitler quickly jettisoned these aspects of the party as he obtained power, particularly in forming a ruling coalition with conservative corporatists.
Mussolini: “Fascism should more appropriately be called Corporatism because it is a merger of State and corporate power.”
December 7th, 2008 at 5:38 am
“Some guy named Hitler. But hey, what would he know?”
I’ve known plenty of so-called Christians who were, through their actions, decidedly UN-Christian.
Just cause ol’ Adolph claimed it doesn’t make it true.
December 7th, 2008 at 3:32 am
“So am I correct in assuming that the hate crimes of the right never happened?”
They are just crimes, and I for one doubt judges or juries can read minds. Why is it a worse crime to murder someone for one reason than another — isn’t all murder wrong? Are we not all equal before the law? I shudder at the implication that one can be prosecuted for a crime of thought — or, as someone once put it, Thoughtcrime. The question is, why don’t you?
December 7th, 2008 at 3:27 am
“Who seriously accuses the Nazi part of being socialist?”
Some guy named Hitler. But hey, what would he know?
“We are socialist, we are enemies of today’s capitalistic economic system for the exploitation of the economically weak, with its unfair salaries, with its unseemly evaluation of a human being according to wealth and property instead of responsibility and performance, and we are all determined to destroy this system under all conditions.”
- Adolph Hitler, 1 May 1927
December 7th, 2008 at 1:40 am
Also, fuck you, “zachmenta”!!
December 7th, 2008 at 1:37 am
Look up Obama’s program “Public Allies”, see what Nelly Nieblas, an alumni, has to say about it. Basically, it’s a boot camp for radicals. I’m not exaggerating!
December 7th, 2008 at 1:04 am
Well, I enjoyed the article and laughed, V. It probably would have been better to mention that first, and put criticism second. I would laugh just as hard if someone were to mock the hard left’s unhinged fears and accusations against the current administration, which was actually more over-the-top than the stuff mocked here. It’s just harder to find that.
I know, Someone, how weird to call a party called National Socialist, well, socialist. I suggest some serious economic study as well as some history. With Nazis we see the death camps and don’t go further into their economics; with Communism we see their economics and don’t delve into their death camps and gulags. Once you realize they both have death camps, gulags, and totalitarian economic structures, you’ll start to see why people mention both in the same breath.
December 7th, 2008 at 1:03 am
“Speech codes. Hate crimes. Gun bans. Wealth redistribution. Punitive taxation. Liberals are just Socialists who want to be loved… then again, Socialists are just Communists who lack the courage of their convictions”
So am I correct in assuming that the hate crimes of the right never happened? Or maybe that the $700 billion dollar bailout, and the many subsequent “rescue plans” weren’t socialist? Or possibly that lowering taxes the people who are live in large mansion, fly on private jets, and abuse workers who struggle to just make a living isn’t punitive taxation?
You also fail demonstrate clear understanding of what socialism and communist are. Go actually think for a change rather than being brainwashed by those horrible, and uninformed propaganda books of yours.
December 7th, 2008 at 12:51 am
Who seriously accuses the Nazi part of being socialist? I’m sorry but that demonstrates an absolutely huge level of ignorance and misunderstanding of modern politics. The Nazi party was as extremely right-wing as you can get. Fascism is an extremely authoritarian political ideology, so much that is opposes communism and socialism.
Just because the Nazi party was short for National Socialist Party, it does not necessarily mean that the Nazis were socialist. The Liberal Party of Australia are right-wing in their ideas, yet they are not true liberals. Same with the National Socialists.
December 6th, 2008 at 10:21 pm
/ignore
December 6th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
Oh for the love of all that is good… *Rolls eyes* Jackasses, the lot of you, and a waste of time. God-forbid that you just enjoy the article and laugh. I mean, it’s not like this is a comedy blog–oh, wait, it is. Maybe we should post serious things on serious threads, it’s not like there aren’t a freakin’ ton of them out there in the world. And when we post serious things in a debate, why don’t we conduct ourselves as befitting intelligent individuals who have the ability to speak and debate in a logical manner and respect the other individual’s point of view as well. Hmm? OK kids, here are your cookies and your jackets, go outside and play for a while. You’ve been on the computer waaay too long.
Yes I know that was a ginormous waste of my time, but it had to be said.
Great article, I thought it was hilarious.
December 6th, 2008 at 8:07 pm
Socialism, Naziism, Communism, Stalinism, Maoism, Fascism… all are aspects of the Collectivist ideology that permeates the modern Left. If you really want to learn something about it, please read The Road to Serfdom by F.A. Hayek. In a sane world, this book would be required reading in every American high school.
http://tinyurl.com/5lo82r
December 6th, 2008 at 7:56 pm
“Liberalism supports individual liberty and individual rights ”
Speech codes. Hate crimes. Gun bans. Wealth redistribution. Punitive taxation. Liberals are just Socialists who want to be loved… then again, Socialists are just Communists who lack the courage of their convictions.
December 6th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
“The Nazis were very right-wing, in way too many ways to list.”
That’s code for, “I don’t actually know of any.” It just amazes me how that idea is thrown out by those on the left with absolutely nothing to back it up.
December 6th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
8 comments until armegeddon
December 6th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
Liberals about individual liberty? Sure, classic liberals, but current liberals (dare I say, progressives?) are about group rights, identity politics, and government expansion (dare I say, socialism?).
National socialists, be they Mussolini’s fascists or Hiter’s ilk, believed in a nationalistic version of socialism, whereas communism is international (hence, their anthem, Internationale).
That the National Socialists might be ‘right wing’ in ways too many to list, how about just a few then. Liberals and progressives gave us Eugenics, which was embraced by Hitler.
Conservatives now, in most cases (not all when it comes to sex) wear the mantle of classic conservatism.
December 6th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
The thing people seem to be missing is the fact that Nazis were not socialists, but National Socialists, which is something completely different. The Nazis were very right-wing, in way too many ways to list.
Also, people seem to be confused as to the different meanings of the words Liberal, Conservative, Right, Left, Socialist, National Socialist, and Communist. People seem to lump all of these terms into two main groups, when in reality each is a different political outlook on things.
I’ll finish by saying that by definition, Liberalism supports individual liberty and individual rights (the word “Liberal” is rooted in the term “Liberty”). Even if the Nazis were socialist (and any educated individual would agree that they were not) that would not make them liberal.
December 6th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
This seems like white nationalist bullshit more so than general republican bullshit.
December 6th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
Wow, now I am really scared, 687 responses and over 90% seem to take this article serious. Hmm, I read it on the Internet, it must be true. If this (the comments) were a true sample of the American People, Obama and the Right Wing Extremists should be the least of the worries of Right or Left or the U.S. citizens
December 6th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
Yeah guys… actually, Cavalier X is exactly right about the Nazis. It would of course be totally accurate to say that left wingers in America are not nearly as radical as the Nazis were, but they were/are left wing.
Being focused on “race” and “Nationalism” are good examples of strawman arguments for a nation being conservative. They have nothing to do with being conservative or liberal. Its like saying a nation is liberal because it uses a 3 branch system of government. Tom A, you really, truly, do not know what you’re talking about.
The Nazis were trying to purify all people. They wanted humanity to thrive but believed it could not when the impoverished were allowed to continue breeding and filling the world with “useless” people. They wanted to wipe out disease, poverty, and basically create a utopia. Read Cavalier Xs last post for further policies.
December 6th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Cavalier is correct in pointing out socialism is pretty much leftist %100.
As far as “race” goes though Tom A. those obsessions seem to be more from the left in our country as well. Oops!
December 6th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
CavalierX, so that makes the DEMOCRATIC People’s Republic of Korea (N. Korea) or the German DEMOCRATIC Republic (East Germany) democracies?
December 6th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Mr. Sparkplugs is basing his ideas on faulty research. Socialism is not a rightwing ideal.
December 6th, 2008 at 11:13 am
I think that was a pretty good/funny article. Brockway should defenitly make an article about how liberals view conservatives. Keep on writting good articles Brockway.
December 6th, 2008 at 11:06 am
What Cavalier X says is, of course, bullshit. The Nazis were an extreme right-wing party, focused on nationalism and race, both right-wing obsessions. Go and do some internet research to find out more, but please ignore the ramblings of Cavalier
December 6th, 2008 at 10:36 am
“I thought Nazi were Right Wing…”
A common misperception fostered by the Left. No, they were Socialists. Nazi is shorthand for “National Socialist German Workers’ Party” (Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei). Their policies included redressing the grievances of ordinary men against “the rich,” confiscation of war profits, abolition of “unearned income,” nationalisation of monopolistic businesses and regulation of big business profits. They also needed to confiscate private firearms to prevent a revolution once they took over and began implementing their policies.
December 6th, 2008 at 10:24 am
“Here’s an outline of the ‘anti-gun’ things he supports: In the past he has opposed assault weapons,”
Which actually means he wamts tp ban any weapons that are black, or look scary. There is no definition of an “assault weapon.” ANY gun can be classified as an assault weapon. Unless they’re pink and squirt water.
“the continued manufacture and sale of semiautomatic firearms,”
Which would take away over half of all legal handguns, which are semi-automatic firearms. Maybe we could keep our six-shooters. No, a lot of them are black, making them “assault weapons.”
“and the carrying of concealed weapons.”
Which is only a problem when DONE BY CRIMINALS, who I’m sure you think would obey the law.
“He also supported a law that would prevent gun stores from operating within a certain distance from a school.”
Why? Does he think criminals don’t drive or know how to take a bus? In all the school shootings that have taken place in the world, I cannot recall one in which the killers just happened to be hanging out at a gun store near a school and decided “let’s buy some guns and go kill people RIGHT NOW.” Every one has been planned in advance, usually from the killers’ homes, and furthermore the guns have been obtained illegally in nearly every case I can remember. If I am wrong about that, I’d like to know. But gun stores being near schools have no effect of which I’m aware. So Obama supported a useless law that did nothing because it sounded good. Sounds like a preview of the next four years.
December 6th, 2008 at 8:31 am
My post should have said #3, not #4, sorry.
I don’t know if Obama has real ties to the Black Panthers (Hillary definitely did) but it wouldn’t be anything to be happy about. That isn’t just a “politically active” group, come on. Warren Kimbro and Erica Huggins ring any bells? Hillary helped with certain murder defenses and arranged dorm privileges at Wellesley.
Alinski is more disturbing though.
December 6th, 2008 at 8:03 am
in response to Phubbie,
If you can’t own a gun because you think you would threaten someone with it or put it to your head, thats YOUR problem….seek help.
as a gun owner I can tell you that I feel the exact opposite of your feelings, guns aren’t just killing machines. They are great for hunting and for shooting targets/clay pigeons.
the real problem is gangbangers who get their guns ILLEGALLY and go down someone’s block and shoot 12 elementary school students in the process of trying to kill some other gang member.
and p.s. if you live in Australia and have only seen a gun on a cop, don’t voice your opinion on American gun laws and policies.
a much more productive use of your time would be to eat a bowl of hobo dick-cheese
December 6th, 2008 at 8:00 am
As to #4, I guess you didn’t see the video of Obama discussing his proposal for a Civilian Security Force that is as well armed and as well-funded as the US Military? Because that IS what he proposed.
Considering the hysterical fears of all that Bush was supposedly doing in the “most opaque and secret regime in history”, the comics of him looking like a monster, covered in blood and ripping children limb from limb while luring voters into a polling place that turns out to be a gas chamber, I don’t see how unhinged nuttery can be seen as all on the right. Go through the archives of the comic Boiling Point and you’ll see what I mean. I guess now it’s the left’s turn to hear the hysteria. We’ll see who was more right in the end, eh?
December 6th, 2008 at 7:53 am
I wish at least one of this insane fears would be true…these a$$holes are responsible for 8 years of war, death and terror around the world…they’d deserve it.
December 6th, 2008 at 7:44 am
I thought Nazi were Right Wing…
December 6th, 2008 at 7:17 am
Zenstorm is a fag.
December 6th, 2008 at 7:15 am
I like cake.
December 6th, 2008 at 6:24 am
Hey, phubbie, I’ve lived in the U.S. and Australia both (currently in Australia), and I can safely say I’ve noticed just as many creeps here in OZ as the States.
Stop being so paranoid and judgemental, especially about a place you’ve never been to and people you’ve never met.
December 6th, 2008 at 5:15 am
I am an Australian. During my whole life in Australia I have not seen a single gun except in the hands of the police. I do not condone voilence at all but if I owned a gun (and felt justfied in owning it) I feel that it would be only a matter of time before the situation would arise where I would threaten somebody with it or hold it to my own head. I believe this because, the one thing I know for sure about myself is that I have no self control when it comes to high risk activties. That is why I don’t keep drugs/booze/super dangerous things in my house. Now, I know not all people are like me, but surely, of all places the USA has some mentals in it. I think banning, or at least controling guns is a brillant idea. Also, on a side note, I never ever want to visit the USA, but the day Obama won, everybody in my workplace started cheering ‘we are all not gunna die’. Sometimes I think Americans forget how much their actions effect the rest of the world.
December 6th, 2008 at 2:28 am
You dump him. You deserve anyone beter enough, here is one place for you,****** W e a l t h y s o u l M a t e .C O M ********** , where you can find celebrities and millionaires. Good luck.
December 6th, 2008 at 2:06 am
Boozetown: “I want to know how you’re working this out, how does being on the left side of the political fence equal out to hating America?
I’m not even angry, I’m really just curious as to how you’re drawing this conclusion.”
Nixon: ““Hating America” means that liberals cherish American values like the separation of church and state.
America-hating liberals think torture is evil.
America-hating liberals think it’s a bad idea to suspend habeas corpus.
America-hating liberals think the president has no right to wiretap Americans and then retroactively make it legal.
America-hating liberals dislike the idea of the president claiming “unitary executive powers,” which basically make him King George.
America-hating liberals think it’s wrong to use signing statements to bypass duly-passed laws.
America-hating liberals believe the 1st Amendment erects a wall of separation between Church and State.
And so on.
Don’t you get it? Unless you’re a fundamentalist Christian with no grasp of history and common decency, you’re an America-hating liberal.”
This is in response to both Boozetown and Nixon.
I’m not religious.
I believe in the separation of church and state.
I don’t believe in torture.
I don’t believe in suspending habeas corpus.
I don’t believe in random wire-tapping.
Since you jumped to that conclusion without asking, I thought I’d fill you in.
I also don’t believe in socialism.
Nor do I believe in the doctrine of “waiting for the police to show up and pray you don’t get shot in the meantime… rather than taking responsibility for your own self-defense.”
My biggest departure from you, however, I would say is the ability of my memory to extend more than five minutes into the past.
Also, I believe that the government should restrict it’s activities to the areas of responsibility clearly outlined in the Constitution.
Very simply: “Courts, Police, Defense, Corruption.”
I believe, (rightly, I might add) that whenever the government exceeds that mandate, whatever the reason, they are committing a crime.
I believe, (rightly as well) that America’s defining purpose and identity is to be found in our freedom. When the government exceeds its appointed tasks, (again, whatever the reason) they are taking our freedoms away. When you vote Democrat,… or Republican… (even though the latter /shouldn’t/ be the case, in recent years, it most definately has been) … you are voting into office, officials who will commit this basic crime against the purpose of our nation. You will then proceed to bitch and moan about the other side, when you’re the ones who voted for the interference that caused and perpetuated the very problems you’re bitching about.
I know it’s sexy to want to save everyone and to give everyone free health care and all the food and shelter they need. It’s sexy in the same way a dream about banging the Dallas Cowboy-Cheerleaders is sexy. It is also, equally improbable.
Nothing is free. Someone still has to pay for that food, shelter and heathcare. Someone must and someone will. I know what you’re thinking and I know what you’ll say; “Well, get the people who have lots of money to pay for it.” -right?
The problem with that is that those people control not just the money, but also many of the jobs. When you tax the business-owners… it is the employees who feel the pinch. You think Obama is being clever and inventive when he says, “let’s raise taxes on the people who can afford a tax increase?”
You honestly think that won’t filter down?
It’s also alarmingly, and perhaps dangerously presumptious of him to say… “Anyone making more than $250,000 can afford to take up the slack for everyone else.”
First of all, no, bitch… I’LL tell YOU when I have too much money. Keep your hand out of my pocket.
Secondly, I hear everybody on the left jump up and down and start cheering about how Obama’s going to raise taxes on the people who “got us into this mess.” How “capitalism has failed, let’s try socialism.”
First off, capitalism hasn’t failed us.
A few, very specific, individual capital-ISTS failed us.
“Anyone who makes more than $250,000,” is certainly a vastly larger target than the people responsible for the Wall Street meltdown.
Also, I find it interesting to note how many liberals voted for Obama on the basis of his socialism, yet he and his running mate venomously deny any social-policy whenever they’re asked.
Anyway,… that’s a very paraphrased, stream-of-thought take on what I believe. I’m not a republican. I’m not Christian. I don’t like Bush. But, since I think of Obama (and McCain, but that’s beside the point) as a horrible choice for president, I am instantly a bible-thumping, racist, right-wing fundamentalist christian, anywhere I voice that opinion on the net or in realspace.
Robert Brockway wrote this article, with the express intent of being inflamatory. There was no neutral humor (and very little humor, in any form) in the entire post. Instead, it was filled with jabs at “crazy things some kooks on the far-right have said,” FOLLOWED UP BY assertions and outright accusations that disagreeing with Obama instantly makes you a kook on the far-right. It’s there. It’s all throughout the post. Stop trying to deny it. Don’t you think it’s at least a little asinine to write an article for the express purpose of pissing people off and then act surprised when they get pissed off?
That’s all I’m saying.
December 6th, 2008 at 2:03 am
My god I can’t believe people still think Obama’s the antichrist or something. But then again, they say the apocalypse will happen every time something doesn’t go their way (remember y2k?). Bah. Fuckin right-wing fundies.
December 6th, 2008 at 1:19 am
i just want to fucking smack some dumbasses. my brother in law still believes obama is muslim (why would it matter anyway) and he still believes obama is not an american citizen. I don’t know whether to blame Fox News or the dumbasses who believe them.
December 5th, 2008 at 11:45 pm
667
It’s not about the Devil. It’s about clowns.
December 5th, 2008 at 11:27 pm
666
BOOYAH
December 5th, 2008 at 11:26 pm
…
December 5th, 2008 at 11:17 pm
Must… stop politics
( )( )=======D
PENIS!!
no…
( . )( . )
BEWBS!!!
I give up
December 5th, 2008 at 11:13 pm
I’m just doing my bit to boost the numbers.
December 5th, 2008 at 10:59 pm
It’s funny how conservatives don’t care at all about any of the other rights in the constitution (freedom of religion, freedom of speech, right to fair trial, right against torture, right against self-incrimination, etc.) but they go batshit insane whenever someone talks about infringing on the second ammendment, the most misinterperated and (arguably) the least vital of the bill of rights.
December 5th, 2008 at 10:45 pm
Wow, that was hillarious espically the part about the backwards captain planet team. It is really funny to view how Conservatives view the Liberals. Also, for all you conservatives out their, around 79% of the world wanted Obama, the rest were us and our enemies who refused to be polled. Merry Christmass, err, Happy Holidays!
December 5th, 2008 at 10:45 pm
Come on Ye Brethren of White.
We all know that the forums are right, and that The Great Anti-Christ Obama and his minions of evil are here to take our guns, and steal our women….
We’ve all heard the phrase, “once you go black, you never go back!!!”
That isn’t true, thanks to Dr. Bubba White’s revolutionary suprema-penis,
the penis enhancement surgery for the white power movement.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Now you can turn
o
|———————-D
o
Into 4 1/2 throbbing inches of white supremacist power !
O
|———————————————————————————–D
O
Show your Klan Kard for a members-only 10% discount. Show them uppity blacks that you can five them a run for their money. Or at least their pinkies.
December 5th, 2008 at 10:33 pm
The fact that even here people continue to claim that Obama wants an all-out ban on guns is proof that no matter how crazy the things above sound, there are idiots who will believe them. Here’s an outline of the ‘anti-gun’ things he supports: In the past he has opposed assault weapons, the continued manufacture and sale of semiautomatic firearms, and the carrying of concealed weapons. He also supported a law that would prevent gun stores from operating within a certain distance from a school.
You can debate whether or not you agree with some of these things, but to say that Obama wants to completely ban and confiscate all guns is paranoid, misleading, and simply wrong. Obama has voiced support for gun rights, even if he also favors more regulation than a lot of the hardcore gun enthusiasts oppose.
Once again, I’ll point out that even if he did want to completely ban guns, it would not be within the power of the president to do so. This entire argument is completely pointless, and the only people who win are the gun dealers getting rich off of paranoid gun nuts.
December 5th, 2008 at 10:04 pm
Come on, America!
We have to push this lame ass Daily Show type post to 1,000 comments. Yes We Can! Hope. Change. Unicorns.
December 5th, 2008 at 9:57 pm
…I think I love you. *Shyly offers flowers*
December 5th, 2008 at 9:51 pm
Really? As if couldn’t find 10 times crazier things said on leftist blogs through the internet when McCain was running for president. It’s funny, I know, but how about a little more balance.
December 5th, 2008 at 9:44 pm
I think there should be a follow up article using the comments to this article. Good material here
Hate to see such comedy gold go to waste.
December 5th, 2008 at 9:42 pm
This is great. I have some uber Republicans in my school and even they would find this highly amusing.
December 5th, 2008 at 9:28 pm
Seriously?
This is what you’ve got? Random anonymous blog comments?
Can you freakin’ IMAGINE what I could do with a few selected comments from DemocraticUnderground or DailyKos?
If I used your logic, I could pretty much prove beyond question that liberals universally support communism and terrorism, fail to understand the most basic laws of physics, base their lives on astrology and aromatherapy, and truly believe that George Bush killed John F. Kennedy.
At least try and make it funny.
December 5th, 2008 at 9:25 pm
[...] The four craziest things righties believe about Obama. [...]
December 5th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
Did Obama comission this article from you?
December 5th, 2008 at 8:57 pm
Actually, it is funny in the ha-ha sense. Its called satire. And its also not funny in the “we’re all a bunch of dumbasses” sense. I swear, if I could have made a business making a nickel every time someone declared the world was about to end every time an opposing candidate is elected in whatever position, I could afford to employ Bill Gates as my footstool.
December 5th, 2008 at 7:32 pm
this is the worst cracked article ever. The gun thing is perfectly valid, and based on the laws banning guns that both Obama and Biden have written and sponsored. It’s also based on the fact that Obama believes the banning of handguns and working long-guns in the entire city of Chicago is a “common sense” measure. The rest of the list is just plain not funny.
December 5th, 2008 at 7:30 pm
@spidermonkey:
“I will take this cursed article to 666 by myself if I have to. We all know that’s where it belongs.”
Careful now. Swaim’s bonus for having the comments section of his Arrested Development blog break the 300 record was a handjob and anal sex. I’m not sure what the prize was when his comment section broke 500. (Double anal and a reach-around I think)
If you insist on pulling this comment thread past 600 then you need to take up a collection and get the new guy some Preparation-H or help with proctologist’s co-pay.
December 5th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
What a wonderful article!
It’s astounding that literate, thinking people actually believe such claptrap…but they do. Just goes to show: “Never underestimate the power of human stupidity”.
December 5th, 2008 at 7:16 pm
Gee… That whole firearms thing MUST be based on just that one comment on his sight, and not the overly strict rules concerning such in Illinois. Not that he’s outright said he’s looking to make changes, but he DOES think that the laws of the state he governed were fair and equitble, and most folks that own firearms would disagree.
Still, as pointed out below, this falls in with so many issues that are outside the powers of the Executive branch, and therefor a laughable topic to discuss in reference to the president.
December 5th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
It’s really amusing to hear all the people screaming about how Obama is going to take their guns away. The fact is that he has not supported that. He supports some restrictions, but overall has not given any indication of wanting to ban guns beyond a vague statement he made in the Illinois Senate that could be interperated as supporting a ban for handguns there. Still, even if he did want to, as president he wouldn’t have the power to ban guns. It’s simply not within his power.
As for the second ammendment, it was never about ‘home defense’. When america was founded, there was a great fear of standing armies, and thus the second ammendment was made to ensure that citizen’s millitias could be formed (state militias later became the national guard). It’s really irritating when right-wingers obsess ovder how they need an assault rifle to defend their family. In actuality, a gun is three times more likely to be used to shoot a family member than a criminal. The United States simply has an obsession with guns. When Obama’s term is over, I hope that all these people feel rightfully stupid that they believed this nonsense.
December 5th, 2008 at 6:43 pm
Awesome article, Brockway. And even awesomer responses to comments (up until I couldn’t be bothered reading anymore, anyways >_>).
I love how furious some people get over politics. Here in New Zealand with the recent election, I voted for a joke party made by two TV comedians, and the National party (which is center-right, whereas the Labour Party, which has been in power for a while now, is center-left…they’re both so center there’s bugger all difference anyway…), and was having a conversation with a couple of my more lefty friends, who got extremely angry and said National would make the country go to shit.
A week or so later, National wins the election, new Prime Minister John Key hasn’t put a foot wrong yet in my books, and both those friends are eating their words. Some people just get to worked up over politics, which I find very lolworthy.
December 5th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
Dear GOD, the humanity! Thank the lord you told us this! How can we have not noticed all this before?! *gets gun* well, im ready, ready to DEFEND
December 5th, 2008 at 6:20 pm
shit, dogs, y’ll crazy
December 5th, 2008 at 6:20 pm
I knew it. I fucking knew it all along.
But this is what I know:
First of all Obama has already cloned himself at least four times, and plans to clone himself to thee exact number of people that are in America, so he can be around to beat you, rape you, and eat your babies right when he needs to. He’s also going to impregnate every woman creating some sort of Obama spawn army.
How do you “demon-crats” feel about THAT?
December 5th, 2008 at 6:13 pm
640. AAAAANDD I’m out. Happy hunting folks.
December 5th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
Jim Robinson Says:….
Does Jim Robinson know his posts aren’t impressing anyone?
December 5th, 2008 at 5:24 pm
“I think the GOP needs to get back to basics, more talk about fiscal conservatism and less country songs to promote their candidates. They need to establish a base in the northeast and stop trying to appeal to beer guzzling nascar fans ( I know that’s an unfair assessment, but please allow me this for comedic value).”
Acknowledging comical unfairness and treating your fellow Americans as humans won’t make you popular, Spider.
But you’re right.
December 5th, 2008 at 5:23 pm
Hey Jimbo, if you say Bush lied, then so did these people on the left…
http://www.rightwingnews.com/quotes/demsonwmds.php
Here’s all the quotes leading up to the invasion. Oops, I guess you dont feel so smart now dontcha?
December 5th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
“he spent his entire career trying to destroy the Second Amendment”
You are a liar. Fact
December 5th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
Yes, Spider. We (yes, I admit I’m kinda rightish) have talk radio. The kiddie table.
I’d trade it for…the rest of the Communications Industry, like you guys have.
But damn…I come here to escape The Daily Show-approved humor, not wallow in it. A little island. Now soiled. Let’s laugh.
United, We Have Humorous Lists. Divided, We Do Politics and Fall, and Stuff.
December 5th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Take the biggest conspiracy nut, redneck idiots who disagree with Obama to make him look less leftist. Hooray!!! Taxes are harmful, individual rights and freedoms are good. That’s why I disagree with Barack Obama.
December 5th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
Aw, Cracked. You ruined my good mood. I’m going to hide in a hole and refuse to believe people that ignorant actually exist now. See you in fifty years!
December 5th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
I read the whole thing…and can’t remember a damn word.
HOWEVER:
If our President is, in fact, the Hulk version of the black panther’s second amendment that eats gay babies while enlisting groups of eco friendly republicans to stalk anti white-liberals
…. i want, no, I NEED a piece of that action.
December 5th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
Study: Bush, aides made 935 false statements (LIES) in run-up to war
http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/01/23/bush.iraq/
December 5th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Ya, ’cause it’s not like Obama spent his entire career trying to destroy the Second Amendment or anything.. Except, you know, the part about how he spent his entire career trying to destroy the Second Amendment and only started running as far and fast as he could away from his previous full on support of banning all semi-automatic firearms, raising teh gun and ammo taxes 500%, prohibing firearms from being used for self-defense, and shutting down the vast majority of FFL’s AFTER he learned he needed states liek Pennsylvania to win.
Cause if there’s one thing that Chicago politicians never, EVER, do; it’s lie to people to get their votes.
December 5th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Yeah, I feel there are not enough cockmongers around. It could be included on cracked’s next list of “worst jobs ever”.
December 5th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
X, I get the strange feeling that you’re confusing certain aspects of the process of incorporation with the interpretation of the First amendment as it applies to the federal government. This time its actually kind of frustrating, because you’re really close, you’re just not quite there. I feel like I’m grading one of my student’s papers.
I do have to admit though, you may not be as much of a retard as I originally thought. Kudos!
December 5th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
It’s great, isn’t it? And the best part is, if we use it enough, Cracked.com will be high on the list for a Google “cock” search.
Think about it…if you’re an unsuspecting internet surfer, just, you know, hangin out, lookin for a little cock… a sight called “cracked” pops up… chances are, that’s right up your alley, right??? (no pun intended).
Then you find THIS shit…. hahahahahahaa.
December 5th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
Oh my god! The homosexuals are coming, grab your sawed-off shot gun, Bertha, and get inside the church. That evil can’t come in here!
Haha, I think that was the funniest article I’ve ever read. That forum is a joke… right? I thought you guys had it bad because of Fox. Sucks on you that there are people that stupid, America.
December 5th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
Ha ha ha! Cockmonger is my new favorite word!
December 5th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Robert Brockway…..Shine on you crazy diamond.
December 5th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
“However, what you pointedly ignored is the two centuries of jurisprudence since that time which use the “wall of separation” idea to interpret the Constitutionality of laws and regulations that introduce religious elements into the private sphere.”
Two centuries?? Supreme Court Justice Hugo Black first enshrined the phrase “separation of Church and State” into law in Everson v. the Board of Education, 1947. Black, who had been an anti-Catholic KKK member and a Democrat Senator, was worried that the Catholic Church might attempt a coup in America through Catholic school indoctrination. In Everson v. BoE, the plaintiff claimed that it was unconstitutional for New Jersey residents “to pay taxes to help support and maintain schools which are dedicated to, and which regularly teach, the Catholic Faith.” In the “opinion” section of the decision, Justice Black wrote, “The ‘establishment of religion’ clause of the First Amendment means at least this: Neither a state nor the Federal Government can set up a church.” This was partially correct — the First Amendment refers only to the federal government. However, he went on to claim that it meant that neither state nor federal government was allowed to have anything whatsoever to do with any religion. In this, he was wrong. Justice Black did not consider the historical framework of the Bill of Rights; he took a phrase out of context and twisted its meaning to suit his decision. It only stood because in 1925, the Supreme Court decided, in Gitlow v. New York, that the 14th amendment REALLY meant to apply the Constitution to states as well, thereby greatly expanding the power of the Federal government.
December 5th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
Anyone here hiring?
December 5th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
Speaking of day jobs, I’m probably going to lose mine soon because of this fucking site…
December 5th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
Oh, and penis.
620!
December 5th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
I think the GOP needs to get back to basics, more talk about fiscal conservatism and less country songs to promote their candidates. They need to establish a base in the northeast and stop trying to appeal to beer guzzling nascar fans ( I know that’s an unfair assessment, but please allow me this for comedic value).
Look, it shouldn’t be too hard for them to reestablish their party as the small government/anti-spending option that it once was to the american people… Just wait till Pelosi blows the budget after one week of the big O in the whitehouse.
December 5th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
“It’s shitbags like you who don’t care about anyone else’s freedom ”
You’re a lousy mind reader. Stick to your day job… if you have one.
December 5th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
Naw, CJ, I’m a pretty liberal dude myself, and I’ll give that to you… Left pretty much has the media by the balls.
But hey, at least you have talk radio right?
December 5th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
I love Canada! SCTV, Lebat Blue, Hockey, Socialized Medicine…I’m a huge Moxy Fruvous fan too. Yay Canada!
December 5th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
“He should be playing golf WITH Jesus.”
We get it Spider. Religious conservatives are funny. We all watch The Daily Show. And Colbert. And everyone else who makes that point, aka the Entire Entertainment Industry.
612
December 5th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
Oh man, my picture got completely messed up. It was so awesome too…
December 5th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
M
____ OO
====> (( o
UU l l——-ll ll
December 5th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
@senortaco
Yes, some of my facts are more opinion then facts, but some of it is definitly facts. I just read some people posting insults and talking bad about Canada and wanted to educate some ignorant fools. Don’t take a dump on my country because yours is going through a period of uncertainty.
December 5th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
Woohoo! ROLL OUT THE DICK JOKES.
December 5th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
We’re going to make this thread it’s own blog, Spider.
December 5th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
I’m sorry, correction to my last post…
He should be playing golf WITH Jesus.
One nation under GOD…. Am I right, fellas? Huh?
December 5th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Did you hear that Obama is building a basketball court in the white house? A BASKETBALL COURT??? Is anyone else here simply OUTRAGED by this?
He should be playing GOLF. Jesus. No one respects a world leader for his jumpshot.
December 5th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
I will take this cursed article to 666 by myself if I have to. We all know that’s where it belongs.
December 5th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
::sigh:: okay, I guess it’s a lost cause…
abortioncrackgaymarriageguncontrolsecondammendmentfreedomofspeechhabeascorpusconstitutionobamamccainpalinedwardscnnhardballtherighttochooseprolifebiblethumperhowlatthemoonfrommycolddeadhandsitsmyrightprotectionmurderratesamericasucksamericarocksifyoudontlikeitgetoutpenispoliticofreerepublicliberalfaggotrightwingleftlegfearpanicdestroyalienbirthcertificateacornkeatingfivewhitehousebushdoctorinerussia…..etc, etc, etc.
Yeah. This shit is hilarious, and totally why i come to cracked.
December 5th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
How long do you think we have to wait for a White House Reality Show, anyway?
I mean, it’s only a matter of time, right? I’m just upset that it won’t get to happen before the hot Bush daughters leave.
If this show was pitched prior to the election, I would have definitely voted Mccain… if memory serves, his daughter is pretty smokin.
Still, I wouldn’t mind watching Mrs. Obama cook up something… if you catch my drift… and i think you all do…. comeon guys…
December 5th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
Hey, you guys want to know what word I think is really funny?
Cockmonger.
Let’s bring that one back. What do you think?
Just doing my part to get to the 700 mark…
December 5th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
@Chainfire
Why are the Native Americans of today entitled to any special benefits? How many living taxpayers are responsible for taking the land and killing women and children? How many people on reservations were alive when there tribe was forced onto the reservation? You cannot pay for a sin or misdeed you did not commit. Also your definition of “fact” is an interesting one. Our banks are generally not run by men with IQs under 100. They are generally just run by men who are greedy and lack scruples. By its very definition a fact cannot be an opinion. I will give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you know this, and were just trying to be “funny.” Now I hate to be all serious on a humor site comment section, but can only beget more preachy prick-acting-likeness so I couldn’t help myself…
December 5th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
Let’s get this up to 700 comments.
Then, we shoot for 1,000!
December 5th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Actually, you know what? Forget it. The shit can’t be helped.
December 5th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
Damnit, public sphere, not private.
December 5th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
“And while you’re reading things for the first time, try reading the Constitution and its history. The phrase “wall of separation” was never in the Constitution. In fact, the only reason anyone ever mentioned it was in the context of preventing the State from trying to create and control religion. Man, I truly deplore the sorry state of our public education.”
Yeah…the “wall of separation” quote comes from a letter by Thomas Jefferson, written to the Danbury Baptist Association. The DBA was concerned that, because they were a religious minority, their freedoms could be hindered by the Connecticut state legislature. Jefferson said something to the effect of “well, certainly the federal government will never fuck you over” because of a “wall of separation.” However, he did little to address their actual concerns (over state malfeasance), showing that this was a classic case of a politician covering his ass with weasel-words. So far, so good.
However, what you pointedly ignored is the two centuries of jurisprudence since that time which use the “wall of separation” idea to interpret the Constitutionality of laws and regulations that introduce religious elements into the private sphere. And again, this jurisprudence was informed by Enlightenment-era principles, some of the same ones you blithely dismissed with seven words in your last response to me. I suspect you do not know what they are.
December 5th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
@Jen, i agree get out, everyone should, its a shit run country who manage their own economy on the basis of pathetic meaningless wars.
December 5th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
“It’s shitbags like you who don’t care about anyone else’s freedom who really deserve everything you are in for.”
When and where did he say he doesn’t care about anyone else’s freedom?
December 5th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
Two of the 20th century’s most notoriously brutal serial killers were white, heterosexual, self-described Christian males-Ted Bundy and Ed Gein.
December 5th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
[...] CRACKED: I recently delved into the wretched hive of paranoia and bitterness that is post-election Right Wing forums. Apparently, all that liberal rhetoric about how we’re going to rebuild this country still applies, it’s just that now they’ll be doing it much more literally than initially thought. That’s because time and again, the folks in these forums insist that the nation will be burned to the god damned ground before they see Liberal elitists like Obama change a single hair on America’s sexy, but sensibly-styled head. [...]
December 5th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Look what you did, you got all the right wing nutjobs angry.
Anyway, I was expecting one of those fears being about Obama being the antichrist. Which alone would tell you how stupid these people are.
December 5th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Just because Free Republic has a permanent keyword search on Homosexualagenda doesn’t mean that the members are latent homosexuals posing as homophobes.
Does it?
http://www.freerepublic.com/tag/homosexualagenda/index?tab=articles
December 5th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
Pantera: What? Try again. And this time, please use English.
December 5th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
The problem is evident right here in the comments. You spend your time squealing and pointing fingers at each other and at strawmen. You’re unenlightened, opinionated and disorganized.
You people need to be led. Because if you were left to your own devices, nothing would ever get done.
So yeah, sit there and bicker mindlessly. Anything to feel like you’re more than some kid hunched quietly over a monitor.
December 5th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
Oh ouch Cavalier. You really hurt me with that witty reply.
It’s shitbags like you who don’t care about anyone else’s freedom who really deserve everything you are in for.
Oh, and I have been looking forward to saying this for the past eight years: If you don’t like the way this country is going to be run, then get the hell out.
December 5th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
I never piled any hate on Bush, I simply stated that his administration issued the military order, which it did. It seemed unimportant to mention it at the time, but under Clinton habeas corpus was restricted as well (its called AEDP, and its still in effect). I also made no normative statement about the more recent suspensions in general.
I’m just trying to teach you a little bit about politics, you know, more than just what you read on sketchy blogs of questionable origins. Your opinions are fine (yes, opinions are like assholes, in that shit runs out of both), but when you start masquerading them around as facts, I’m not going to let it go.
December 5th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
@Jen:
*yawn*
December 5th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
“The US Constitution was founded on the Enlightenment-era principle that human beings are guaranteed certain inalienable rights - rights that they have merely by virtue of being human. This notion does not distinguish between US citizens and foreign nationals”
“We, the People of the United States…”
December 5th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
“Actually, I’m not sure if you know what habeas corpus is.”
It seems you have no idea how it’s referenced in the Constitution, which is what we’re discussing here. “The privilege of the writ of habeas corpus shall not be suspended, unless when in cases of rebellion or invasion the public safety may require it.” It’s a privilege, not a right, precisely because it can be suspended at need. The problem is, the Constitution doesn’t specify who can decide the necessity. Lincoln decided that in the absence of specifics, it fell to the Chief Executive to do so. That set the precedent. Now, you can pile the hate on Bush all you want for suspending HC for enemy combatants, but he obviously considered foreigners coming into our country in order to kill us en masse close enough to “invasion” to warrant the suspension in their case. It’s a reasonable argument, nothing like the “yee-haw, screw those Constitutional rights!” crap the Left loves to portray him as shouting.
December 5th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Charade539:
The fundies are the only ones trying to take away the rights of other citizens based on their beliefs. Try doing some research of your own before you spew.
December 5th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
“Before you start claiming the Constitution applies to everyone in the world, remember that if it does, then they must also be subject to ALL of our laws. Which, if you ask them, they aren’t.”
The US Constitution was founded on the Enlightenment-era principle that human beings are guaranteed certain inalienable rights - rights that they have merely by virtue of being human. This notion does not distinguish between US citizens and foreign nationals.
So one of the guiding principles upon which our Constitution was constructed requires extending rights to non-citizens, while nothing in our Constitution requires extending US law to other nations. Full stop. Your assertion is wrong.
December 5th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
haha, I just caught that… I was really hoping no one noticed.
December 5th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
L. Ron, not Elrond, Hubbard. That other guy was from the Lord of the Rings.
December 5th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
CavalierX, finally someone who sounds like they actually did research. Thankyou.
I’m getting really sick of people getting violent towards other people simply because they have a different point of view. I also find it hilarious that just because you don’t agree with someone they accuse you of being a “Fundamentalist Christian”, which is apparently some horrible thing. As opposed to a Buddist or a Hindu. It’s all religion people, hate equally or don’t hate at all.
I already wrote a big long spiel somewhere else about bigotry, which, by the way does not translate into ‘christian’. It’s someone who hates someone else for thier beliefs. Look it up in the dictionary. So those of you who hate christians are the bigots, not them. Personally, I haven’t met any particularly nasty christians….odd, yes…but the ratio of crazies is about the same as any other group of people. Hell, I’ve met fanatical crazy Transformers fans. I know someone who was chased down the street with rocks being thrown at them because they mocked Elf Quest. I also know someone who had rocks thrown at them just for wearing a christian t-shirt….who was the bigot then? Crazies are everywhere. Bigots are everywhere. And just because you think you’re right doesn’t give you the right to crucify those who disagree with you. Hence ‘free country’. Deal.
December 5th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
“But the right to petition for habeas corpus under the constitution is”
Bitch, you’re wrong.
Actually, I’m not sure if you know what habeas corpus is. Aside from the whole “produce the body” aspect, it also includes the determination of what court has jurisdiction, which is what a lot of the Guantanamo issues were about.
For instance, say that you, X, live in Texas and decide to travel to New York. While in New York, you buy a hot dog from a vendor and proceed to insert it sideways into your anus. A scuffle ensues, and you are arrested on several charges of anal/hot dog violations; the principles behind habeas corpus would involve determining which court, New York (where the anus-hot dog incident occurred, or Texas, (where I’m pretending, though am not asserting, that you are a resident), has the right to rule on this fucktarded case.
This applies to citizens and non-citizens, which is why it was necessary for the Bush administration to issue a military order declaring that all those determined by them to be “enemy combatants” would not have the right of habeas corpus. If this were a right that non-citizens are routinely not privy too, then it would be a moot point for any non-citizens that were rounded up in the following weeks/months.
December 5th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
“Wow CJ for someone who has simply been attacking an entire group of people based on negative stereotypes you sure have a lot of self righteous anger. Are you perhaps a Fundamentalist Christian?”
Huh?
I am not a fundamentalist christian. Please site my “attacks.” Or anger. Do you have the right guy?
December 5th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
I just have to argue the last bit, did you not see the news? A couple of Black Panthers decided to hang out in front of an election building and intimidated anyone who wasn’t voting for Obama into not voting at all. They were literally scaring off little old ladies. ‘Politically Active’ my ass. Nobody should do that, no matter what side they’re on.
December 5th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
Human development index as per United Nations
1 ▲ (1) Iceland ▲ 0.968
2 ▼ (1) Norway ▲ 0.968
3 ▬ (0) Australia ▲ 0.962
4 ▲ (2) Canada ▲ 0.961
5 ▼ (1) Ireland ▲ 0.959
6 ▼ (1) Sweden ▲ 0.956
7 ▲ (2) Switzerland ▲ 0.955
8 ▼ (1) Japan ▲ 0.953
9 ▲ (1) Netherlands ▲ 0.953
10 ▲ (6) France ▲ 0.952
11 ▬ (0) Finland ▲ 0.952
12 ▼ (4) United States ▲ 0.951
13 ▲ (6) Spain ▲ 0.949
14 ▲ (1) Denmark ▲ 0.949
15 ▼ (1) Austria ▲ 0.948
16 ▲ (2) United Kingdom ▲ 0.946
17 ▼ (4) Belgium ▲ 0.946
18 ▼ (6) Luxembourg ▼ 0.945
19 ▲ (1) New Zealand ▲ 0.943
20 ▼ (3) Italy ▲ 0.941
December 5th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
I hate Fundies. I’m not pretending not to. Go fuck yourself CavalierX. You spend way too much time on the internet, masturbation would be good for you. I’ll buy you a microscope so you know where to put your hand.
December 5th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Oh dear. Very brave with the whole political article thing. While I don’t consider myself to be affiliated with either Democrats or Republicans, I do get tired of the endless harping on the Republicans.
While I agree that these posts that are listed are mind-bogglingly re-DICK-ulous, I think maybe some of them do bring some legit issues up. For example, the Student Senate on my college campus just recently passed a bill in which they officially disapproved of criticism of Obama. Some members and the author of the bill attempted to pass it off as a disapproval of racism, which everyone is so afraid of, yet the bill does not anywhere mention racism. My Student Senate disapproves of any criticism or any “offensive” expressions of Barack Obama, yet they are completely okay with distasteful remarks or drawings of our current president. I believe this is a repression of our freedom of expression. While I obviously realize that Obama did not tell these Student Senators to pass this bill himself, it does speak for the mentality of his supporters and the fragile issue that race still clearly plays.
Another one of my favorite issues involves celebrity endorsement. This election made such a huge deal about the “end of racism” or whatever with the election of the first black president, but if we were really over the whole race thing, it wouldn’t have been an issue. Also, there wouldn’t be songs like Young Jeezy’s “My President is Black”. I urge everyone to take a look at the lyrics or the comments on youtube or whatever and see what the people have to say… the same people that decided Obama would be a good choice for president.
Obviously, a great deal of this country won’t agree with me, but I feel that America got very caught up in the sensationalistic aspects of this election. While I found Tina Fey’s impression of Sarah Palin to be hilarious, I feel that people thought it was an accurate portrayal of Alaska’s governor. For example, Palin never said, “I can see Russia from my house!” She did say that Russia is a close neighbor and that there are parts of Alaska from which you can see Russia (this is true, you can even walk from an Alaskan island to a Russian island when the water freezes in the winter). I feel that the population doesn’t realize that comedy does not equal reality or truth.
Essentially, I believe that America was not informed enough to make the decision that we made. I feel that the media is responsible for this in part, but also the lack of effort of the people to educate themselves on the important issues of this past election.
December 5th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
“Wow CJ for someone who has simply been attacking an entire group of people based on negative stereotypes you sure have a lot of self righteous anger. Are you perhaps a Fundamentalist Christian?”
I wonder why you ask that — could it be you have a negative stereotyping problem of your own? Talk about self-righteous…
December 5th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
Yes, Crazy is right. I guess isolation has taken it’s toll on some. Luckily he is just a normal guy…. that was elected president.
YEA!! From, the older white gal
December 5th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
Wow CJ for someone who has simply been attacking an entire group of people based on negative stereotypes you sure have a lot of self righteous anger. Are you perhaps a Fundamentalist Christian?
December 5th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
hahah, I just read Brockways post.
Brockway, you know who else was into maritime theocracy?
Elrond Hubbard.
And he was a pervert.
Ew.
Anyway, I’ll worship Poseidon, but only if I get to carry a fucking trident. A trident with guns and aborted baby fetuses hanging off of it… Did you hear that everyone? FETUSES. Let the war CONTINUE!
December 5th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
“my only concern about obama is that the minorities might get unfair advantages like the indians in canada. they get government funding for everything and they don’t pay taxes, ever. also they get tobacco and alcohol cheaper and they constantly get 1000 dollar and up handouts for every man woman and child. that’s why canada’s economy is shit.”
Canada’s economy is far from shit. Canada will be the only g8 nation predicted to have a surplus for 2009. Canada also has a lot of oil and resources (minerals etc.) and will be debt-free by 2055 ( While America is trillions of dollars in debt). Natives deserve such benefits, we almost wiped out their entire race and have severely damaged their culture. Does the american government not provide any benefits to native americans? If you guys don’t, it’s pretty digusting. I guess americans don’t believe in reparations. Or paying for their sins/misdeeds.
December 5th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
CavalierX seems to keep this limited to the actual subject debate.
The Lefties seem to respond with personal attacks. Unless I missed something.
Now I remember why I come to this site. For humor, not politics.
December 5th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
“Actually, habeas corpus in the US is not normally based on citizenship.”
But the right to petition for habeas corpus under the Constitution is, since the Constitution protects the rights of American citizens from being infringed upon by our own government. Before you start claiming the Constitution applies to everyone in the world, remember that if it does, then they must also be subject to ALL of our laws. Which, if you ask them, they aren’t.
December 5th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
Fact:
United states has the highest incarceration rate out of all 1st world nations. The U.S. is a country full of criminals and prisons.
Fact:
United states has a significantly high obesity rate which means the average american is a fat pig.
Fact:
American international debt is in the trillions of dollars and will never be paid off. American’s solution to debt? Borrow more money, let’s not even think about how we will pay it off!
Fact:
American banks are run by retards, see current american recession and crashing stock markets.
Fact:
America is the largest arms dealer in the world and profit from blood shed, death, and violence
Fact:
Canadians are not pansies. Our military is very well trained ( one of the best in the world, actually), although our government does not spend enough on equipment on budget. Canadians were there in world war 1 and world war 2 for the entire longevity of both wars. Canada has been fighting in Afghanistan for years now. We have lost soldiers just like americans. We’ve been trying to clean up the mess the americans left for years now ( apparently your presidential elect, Mr. Obama wants to re-focus on Afganhistan again).
And yes, there is some brain drain when it comes to doctors leaving Canada for the U.S. The United States can afford to pay physicians, doctors, nurses more since it does not have public health care. But our health care is still better then americans and more accessible no matter income level etc.
Fact:
Canada has been ranked number one in the annual United Nations highest standard of living ( United nations looks at economy, literacy rates, education, health care etc.)more then any other country since the U.N. started such rankings in the early 1980’s. For 2008 the top ten countries were:
1. Norway
2. Sweden
3. Canada
4. Belgium
5. Australia
6. United States
7. Iceland
8. Netherlands
9. Japan
10. Finland
Canada also was viewed as the second-most respected/favorite country when citizens of other countries around the world were polled to select the country they prefered/respected the most other then their own. Australia was number one. ( don’t have the link, but remember reading about is on msn.ca).
Canada is not perfect. But it is a damn good country that you yanks know nothing about. So next time you are going to insult Canada, back it up with some real facts, not just jokes about hockey and winter. I will never want to live in the United States. EVER. Have fun paying out the ass for health care and non-government subsidized tuition fees (college/university)!
December 5th, 2008 at 11:58 am
“Can’t suspend a right that doesn’t exist”
Actually, habeas corpus in the US is not normally based on citizenship. Yes, Lincoln had his day when he suspended it during the Civil War, but it was most recently suspended for those declared “unlawful enemy combatants” in 2001. Of course, the executive branch, under Bush, was alone responsible for declaring just who was an enemy combatant. I’m sure you’re going to pretend that I’m wrong about this, and then make some comment about the necessity of my reading a book or learning history, but its actually true. And there’s a pretty detailed record of just how the issue of habeas corpus regarding Guantanamo detainees have played out, with most recent rulings opposed to the Bush camp (though there were, previously, a couple going Bush’s way).
December 5th, 2008 at 11:57 am
Welcome to political commentary on Cracked Robert. Loved the article, and glad to see a new blogger.
And CavalierX still touches children in such a way as to make me think he may be a serial killer.
December 5th, 2008 at 11:51 am
“Oops. You got me there, CJ. If gun crimes occur in liberal states it must be because the lefties are shooting each other. I’m sure it’s nothing to do with conservative gun-owners fearing they’re about to be mauled by the hordes of gay black abortion providers.”
Yes, Sancho. You got it. The stats for white-on-black crime in American cities is just through the roof. Dang, you’ve really thought this through!
“I was so wrong! The Ku Klux Clan? Full of lefties. Lee Harvey Oswald? Stridently liberal.”
Um, Oswald was a Marxist. Strident enough for ya?
The thing about right-wing extremists like abortion bombers: You can’t launch your political career in their living rooms and get away with it. The bomber would be an outcast. Liberals made a hero out of left-wing bomber Bill Ayers. Go figure.
December 5th, 2008 at 11:40 am
Cavalier if there werent any people like you, there would be no human trafficing cause everybody could get laid on their own. No terrorists would want to blow me up, but sure as shit they take offense to people who consider them to have no rights like you do. Just cause the US wants us Europeans to be equally paranoid about terrorists, all of sudden we arrest people for it, the US has a swedish citizen on its Terror list who could make the OSCAR CEREMONY CAUSE THEY DIDNT LET HIM IN, AND HIS FUCKIN MOVIE GOT AN AWARD!
December 5th, 2008 at 11:28 am
You forgot the claims that Obama is the “anti-christ” (or an anti-christ or whatever). Those are my favorite:
http://forums.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=194
The Other “Messiah”
Posted by stoecker on Oct 14, 2008 10:13
“… It is beginning to appear that Obaminable, the Anointed One backed by the Illuminati, is, indeed a kind of “messiah.” But he is not the one sent by God. I suspect that, when it is too late, his true nature will be revealed. Expect incredible, “impossible,” and horrifying things to happen. And pray that the true Messiah arrives in time. “
December 5th, 2008 at 11:14 am
“You know, that’s how it is in Europe. You know on the other side of the Atlantic. And despite having three times the population on roughly the same area, we manage to hold out just fine.”
Really? Might want to check the numbers. Sounds like violent crime’s been rising over the last decadee.
“Across all of the EU, domestic burglary and car theft are falling, while robbery, violent crime like physical assault and rape, and drug trafficking have increased by about 4% in the last decade. Drug trafficking has increased the most, by about 4.2%.
“Human trafficking, or the smuggling of people for the purposes of forced labor in a destination country, is also a growing problem, although it’s difficult to measure. The main countries of origin are Ukraine and Bulgaria, with Czech Republic often acting as a transit country to Germany, the Netherlands or the U.K.
“Then there’s terrorism. Last year, nine EU member states reported a total of 583 failed, foiled or successfully executed attacks, a 24% increase from what had been reported in 2006, according to the European Law Enforcement Cooperation (Europol). Most of these were attributed to separatists groups in France and Spain, such as ETA, which is the Basque national separatist organization. ”
http://tinyurl.com/5e3lko
December 5th, 2008 at 11:04 am
Oops. You got me there, CJ. If gun crimes occur in liberal states it must be because the lefties are shooting each other. I’m sure it’s nothing to do with conservative gun-owners fearing they’re about to be mauled by the hordes of gay black abortion providers.
I was so wrong! The Ku Klux Clan? Full of lefties. Lee Harvey Oswald? Stridently liberal. Timothy McVeigh - NRA and Republican, the pinko. As for the armed neo-nazis, abortion clinic shooters and redneck militias, they’d be more effective if they weren’t all in university and volunteering for Greenpeace.
It’s a shame, because they could provide decent opposition to all those notoriously violent Left-wing groups that pursue explicit agendas of persecution and ethnic cleansing, like…like…
Well, I’m sure you know some.
December 5th, 2008 at 10:58 am
“America-hating liberals think torture is evil.”
Everyone thinks torture is evil. It’s just that the legal definition is something that causes the subject permanent mental or physical harm, while the America-Hating Liberal (or AHL) definition is “anything that causes the subject to be slightly uncomfortable.”
“America-hating liberals think it’s a bad idea to suspend habeas corpus.”
Can’t suspend a right that doesn’t exist. Foreign murderers don’t have Constitutional rights. Or are you hating on Lincoln, now, who suspended Habeas Corpus for Americans?
“America-hating liberals think the president has no right to wiretap Americans and then retroactively make it legal.”
You assume that anyone making or receiving a phone call in America is an American. Problem is, when a phone call is made to or received from a number KNOWN to belong to a terrorist or any enemy, then we DO have the right and duty to tap it to gather intelligence. And those are the numbers tapped under the Bush doctrine. Now, if you want to discuss indiscriminate, random phone taps based on keywords, look up ECHELON. How come no one ever went after Clinton for that?
“America-hating liberals dislike the idea of the president claiming “unitary executive powers,” which basically make him King George.”
Perhaps you AHLs are unaware that the President does, in fact, have some rather broad executive powers. He doesn’t just make speeches and sign bills, but is an equal branch of the federal government.
“America-hating liberals think it’s wrong to use signing statements to bypass duly-passed laws.”
AHLs think Bush is the only one who ever did that? Do all of you think history began in the year 2000, or what? James fucking Monroe was the first President to issue signing statements, you ignoramuses. Christ, read a book or something sometime.
“America-hating liberals believe the 1st Amendment erects a wall of separation between Church and State.”
And while you’re reading things for the first time, try reading the Constitution and its history. The phrase “wall of separation” was never in the Constitution. In fact, the only reason anyone ever mentioned it was in the context of preventing the State from trying to create and control religion. Man, I truly deplore the sorry state of our public education.
December 5th, 2008 at 10:50 am
I live in Eurpoe, and have spent time in the US so I think that I am in a unique position to comment on this:
Guns don’t kill people. Adam West kills people. As do Zombies.
Get your priorities straight America!
December 5th, 2008 at 10:48 am
SsnakeBite: Would you be so kind as to explain how my keeping my firearms (in a safe no less) would kill someone? If your a Hoplophobe that’s your problem…seek professional help. Whatever we Americans might be, at least we’re not weak and effeminate Nancy-boys who wave the surrender flag at the first sign of trouble.
Note to the Frenchmen who still have a pair…the above statement doesn’t apply to you, just those vacillating people in your country (or any other) lacking the qualities that make one a man.
December 5th, 2008 at 10:46 am
Oh, I forgot to ask, is obama pro-sisterfucking or anti? The answer might get to the root of why the right is so frightened by him.
December 5th, 2008 at 10:40 am
Get over yourself, CavalierX.
If you think guns are great then that’s awesome for you but please don’t spam up the comments section of blogs with it. You seem to feel the need to respond to everybody’s posts in turn every time something is mentioned that you consider yourself an expert on and/or feel particularly passionate about and it’s completely unnecessary. This is a comedy website and more importantly this is not a forum. If you want to discuss issues like this feel free to make a thread in the actual forums and link to it so that all interested can join in on the forum and the rest of us don’t have to witness it.
December 5th, 2008 at 10:39 am
I don’t even have the energy to read every word now, but even skimming through the article, this made me laugh
December 5th, 2008 at 10:32 am
“# CavalierX Says:
December 5th, 2008 at 10:13 am
“If obama did outlaw guns then America would be a better place.”
So, a place where criminals can have guns and law-abiding citizens can’t is “a better place?” Get your head out of your ass, kid.”
You know, that’s how it is in Europe. You know on the other side of the Atlantic. And despite having three times the population on roughly the same area, we manage to hold out just fine.
December 5th, 2008 at 10:30 am
The thing is, CavalierX, is why would anyone want to break into your house at night? Aside from the smell that must arise from all the goat/love slaves you possibly keep in your basement, burglars usually also want to avoid running into people. Most home invasions happen when no one is at home.
I know when I rob homes, the last thing I want to see is the owner with a gun in one hand, and the other hand firmly grasping the sweet, firm ass of their pet goat. But that’s just me.
December 5th, 2008 at 10:30 am
“Obama cannot unilaterally outlaw guns, even if he has a supermajority of Democrats on his side (which he does not). ”
58, maybe 59, and quite a few Republicans who never saw a Liberal bill they didn’t like (Olympia Snowe and Susan Collins, for example — Maine, what are you people thinking?)
“First off, the Supreme court recently declared the 2nd Amendment is a guarantee of private gun ownership. ”
Which the gun-grabbers are working triple-time to find a way around, including proposing high yearly registration fees and ammo restrictions. A ban doesn’t have to be an outright BAN, you know.
“Second, it would take a constitutional amendment to undo that. First Congress would have to pass an amendment, and then 3/4 of the states would have to ratify it.”
Or, you know, another case going to the Supreme Court, even with its current makeup (4 Originalists, 4 Left-wing activists and 1 random vote). Anthony Kennedy’s equally likely to vote both sides of the same issue in different cases, as he did with two cases involving displays of the Ten Commandments in a courthouse. So, tell me again who doesn’t know how things work in DC?
December 5th, 2008 at 10:24 am
Well, right-wingers aren’t the smartest alligators in the swamp…you left out the new lie that Obama really isn’t an American citizen!
Wonder if these morons will bomb another government building like their hero Timothy McVeigh?
December 5th, 2008 at 10:17 am
“Plus, having a gun for defense is impractical. You’re never supposed to leave the bullets in, so if someone broke in, you’d have to get the key to the lockbox, open it up, find some bullets, load the bullets, and find the burglar, all in the hopes that he’s not armed, all in the middle of the night!”
Where are you getting this crap? Tell you what: break into my place some night and see how fast I reach for my loaded revolver. Get the key to the lockbox? Find some bullets? You must think we all live under that DC gun ban that just got overturned.
December 5th, 2008 at 10:15 am
Hmm… we seem to be focusing quite a bit on guns and gay serial killers. Let’s talk about something more lighthearted, like abortion.
December 5th, 2008 at 10:13 am
“If obama did outlaw guns then America would be a better place.”
So, a place where criminals can have guns and law-abiding citizens can’t is “a better place?” Get your head out of your ass, kid.
December 5th, 2008 at 10:10 am
Get the wrong impression, that should have read.
Edit function?!
December 5th, 2008 at 10:05 am
And American’s wonder why we sometimes get the impression and think you’re all crazies… If you just kept these people off the internet it’d be okay.
Equally as upsetting is the people asking to bring back HBN and saying that Cracked ditched it. Cracked didn’t cancel HBN, people. Gladstone chose to leave. I know it must be difficult for you to grasp though, he only explained it every week for over a month.
If you makes you feel any better Robert, I don’t think you’re an ass-clown.
December 5th, 2008 at 10:03 am
Wow, this is still raging? Whose winning? Are guns illegal yet? How about abortion? Did we figure out whether or not Obama is black?… I was really on the edge of my seat with that one yesterday.
December 5th, 2008 at 9:56 am
Don’t listen to my husband Bob down there, he voted for himself (and everyone knows *I* am the brains behind the church)
Sure, there are lefty nutjobs, but they’re a minority now. The right has either been ditched by the sane people, or they’ve all gone collectively nuts because the BS they’ve been spouting for the past 5 years or so is completely insane. Grow up, children.
December 5th, 2008 at 9:53 am
gun control and abortion have a secret connection that no one’s bringing up: if all guns are forced to have abortions, there will be no more guns born! it’s gunocide on a mass level!!!!! can you not see it, people?????
December 5th, 2008 at 9:37 am
“And yes, for every Right-wing extremist there’s a Left-wing extremist. But while the lefties read Marx and curse non-vegans, the righties go out and kill people. Pick which group is least suitable for a civilised democracy.”
Sancho,
You might want to do a little research on that. Nothing like another uninformed non-American speaking up when he should remain silent.
I’ll get you started: Go find one of the many maps of Red (right wing) and Blue (left wing) America which notes where voters live. Next, Google “Most violent U.S. cities.” Compare. Then, tell your friends you’ve either 1) Changed your definition of “civilized society” or 2) Changed your opinion of “right-wing” Americans.
December 5th, 2008 at 9:34 am
Sorry, the intent to inform got confused by the act of buffonery. I’ll wait for the translatiion.
dave
December 5th, 2008 at 9:28 am
**Atropos Says:
Partisanship makes for exquisite unintentional humour…what you maggots don’t realise is that, regardless of what side you’re on, you still deserve to be flayed alive with red-hot knives. When the last one of us hairless monkeys dies, it’ll be the greatest moment in human history.**
Everyone who thinks about an issue is “partisan.” The only ones who are “nonpartisan” are the ones who don’t think.
December 5th, 2008 at 9:21 am
Rick,
You’re really not aware of some of the liberal hand-wringing involving Obama’s cabinet choices?
December 5th, 2008 at 9:17 am
Umup0,
Your main contention seemed to be that Cracked COULD have posted a similar list about an array of subjects, and get heated responses.
But it didn’t. It took the safe, Daily Show-approved route.
Again, backing up a premise by citing blog COMMENTS is pretty much universally seen as a lame, dishonest stunt.
December 5th, 2008 at 9:14 am
ooh, i just looove south-american righties. lucky for me im not Lè americàn
December 5th, 2008 at 8:56 am
“# BroccoliRage Says:
December 5th, 2008 at 8:54 am
Not a single person on this page, article included, has expressed a single informed opinion.
See, Cracked? Your readers aren’t the cream of the intellectual crop. Bring back HBN and knock this shit off.”
Define an informed opinion.
December 5th, 2008 at 8:55 am
You’ll need to point out the paranoia in my statements for me.
MLK would’ve been right to be wary of the Kennedys (who tapped his calls). It’s not paranoia if they are out to get you.
December 5th, 2008 at 8:54 am
Not a single person on this page, article included, has expressed a single informed opinion.
See, Cracked? Your readers aren’t the cream of the intellectual crop. Bring back HBN and knock this shit off.
December 5th, 2008 at 8:41 am
The comments here gave me more laughs than the article itself.
December 5th, 2008 at 8:35 am
@masamonkey
“So-called extreme left wingers are starting to have just as ridiculous fears about Obama now that they realize he isn’t going single-handedly pass legislation requiring cars to run off rainbows and the dreams of napping kittens.”
WTF are you talking about? It’s kind of hard to come up with any evidence to support your claims when you pull them out of your ass like that.
December 5th, 2008 at 8:34 am
“# redjimmy Says:
December 5th, 2008 at 7:58 am
That was like, shit. Lefties suck, literally.”
Can you substantiate that statement. What are they bad at? Seing how they won the election, it can’t be politics. And lets face it that’s up there on the list of things a president should be good at.
“# Dskfg Says:
December 5th, 2008 at 7:52 am
Also, all of the people who keep blabbing on about how Americans are stupid and how all of our ideas are retarded should know that no one cares about what you have to say anymore. It’s old. Find something new to bitch about. If you don’t like America you can either stay away if you live somewhere else or leave if you live here.”
But it’s not old. Sure, we found out about it a long time ago, but you keep reconfirming it.
“# Konwolf Says:
December 5th, 2008 at 7:41 am
Wow, It really must be fun to be part of the left, you know, since everyone gives you bicycle helmets and calls you “special” all the time. Mr. Brockway, you fail epically sir. Liberals are wankers, plain and simple, so :P”
So, lefties masturbate? Take a look around you. Any males around? Every single one of them will have masturbated at least once before they turn/turned 20. Most of the women too.
So yeah, Lefties are wankers, but then again, so are everybody else.
December 5th, 2008 at 8:33 am
By God, i’m happy that after every election everyone let’s a collective “ech” (lith “meh”) and resumes life.
Not reading comments of people going batshit insane helps too.
They should take the community service people, arm them and send them to the homes of these commenters… That’d be fun.
December 5th, 2008 at 8:14 am
You dump him. You deserve anyone beter enough, here is one place for you,****** W e a l t h y s o u l M a t e .C O M ********** , where you can find celebrities and millionaires. Good luck.
December 5th, 2008 at 8:00 am
Oh shit. Obama will use his army of gay black 20-somethings to eat your babies and take away your guns. Run away.
p.s. To the all serial killers are gay comment…um…Ted Bundy? And seriously, most of them kill and rape both men and women, so we should, by the crazy right logic, be most afraid of bisexuals, right? Oh shit. Once Obama convinces David Bowie to join him, we really are fucked.
Fabulous and hilarious as usual. Kudos, cracked!
December 5th, 2008 at 7:58 am
That was like, shit. Lefties suck, literally.
December 5th, 2008 at 7:52 am
I think the best thing about this is that picture of Obama eating the baby. Every time I scroll past it I giggle.
Also, all of the people who keep blabbing on about how Americans are stupid and how all of our ideas are retarded should know that no one cares about what you have to say anymore. It’s old. Find something new to bitch about. If you don’t like America you can either stay away if you live somewhere else or leave if you live here.
December 5th, 2008 at 7:52 am
Today at Free Republic I am limiting the number of threads on Obama’s birth certificate to 47.
The other day when we hit 52 was just too much.
December 5th, 2008 at 7:41 am
Wow, It really must be fun to be part of the left, you know, since everyone gives you bicycle helmets and calls you “special” all the time. Mr. Brockway, you fail epically sir. Liberals are wankers, plain and simple, so
December 5th, 2008 at 7:28 am
So-called extreme left wingers are starting to have just as ridiculous fears about Obama now that they realize he isn’t going single-handedly pass legislation requiring cars to run off rainbows and the dreams of napping kittens.
December 5th, 2008 at 7:24 am
ok, so whether obama is muslim or christian does that matter? isn’t there something about any man or woman born in the states can be a president? do they have to be christian? is america no longer a country that allows freedom of religion? ppl are just tripping cause he’s black and his father was muslim. if someone’s parents are jewish must they be jewish for the rest of their lie?! geez ppl… get a grip. people usually want a new party in power whenever the previous one sucks. maybe obama will be good for the country or worse… but seriously, how much worse can he do after bush?
anyways, about those homosexual serial killer and terrorist stuff… aren’t the most common terrorists/ serial killers in the united states domestic? and aren’t they usually middle aged white males? hmmm…
well, kudos to the author… it was entertaining and interesting read. how about something on the other far side of the opinions about obama?
December 5th, 2008 at 7:10 am
my only concern about obama is that the minorities might get unfair advantages like the indians in canada. they get government funding for everything and they don’t pay taxes, ever. also they get tobacco and alcohol cheaper and they constantly get 1000 dollar and up handouts for every man woman and child. that’s why canada’s economy is shit.
December 5th, 2008 at 7:05 am
Anonymouse, I think you’re infringing upon my right to solitary clandestine rodentry.
December 5th, 2008 at 7:00 am
Why do people call liberals left wing? They’re just different right-wingers…
Anyway- very cool! Should have added the crazy rich Libertarian one about stockpiling gold and pretending Barack Obama’s an Ayn Rand villain.
December 5th, 2008 at 6:51 am
Apparently, the right wing doesn’t believe in Public Domain.
December 5th, 2008 at 6:38 am
The 4 Craziest Right Wing Fears About Obama [contains stolen FR material]
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/2143289/posts
December 5th, 2008 at 6:34 am
Homophobia, racism, revisionism, egoism (I want to keep my guns even if it kills someone! And I want to keep polluting as much as I want even if it must destroy the World and make my kids sick! I am ME dammit!! ME!! How can the World survive if I don’t have all of MY private comfort and indispensable things like a private pool?!)… America’s right wing, everybody!
And I thought the right-wingers from MY country (I’m French) were a bunch of fascist assholes… Man, these guys almost make Sarkozy look sane!
December 5th, 2008 at 6:21 am
Bahahahahahahaha!
That was directed at the comments section, not the article. Partisanship makes for exquisite unintentional humour…what you maggots don’t realise is that, regardless of what side you’re on, you still deserve to be flayed alive with red-hot knives. When the last one of us hairless monkeys dies, it’ll be the greatest moment in human history.
December 5th, 2008 at 6:17 am
Nope, they hold seminars with titles like:
“How to make hate crimes look good”
“Learn to quote out of context”
“Guns - How to get ahead on the highway to Heaven”
December 5th, 2008 at 6:11 am
Do they start howling at the moon afterwards?
December 5th, 2008 at 6:07 am
MEET REAL LIVE FREEPERS TONIGHT!!
Fresno/Central Valley Support Our Troops Rally, Tonight, Dec 5
Fresno/Central Valley Chapter | 12/5/2008 | Jim Robinson
Posted on Friday, December 05, 2008 2:46:44 AM by Jim Robinson
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2143292/posts
December 5th, 2008 at 5:55 am
wow, I’m in another part of the world right now (read different timezone), went to bed, got up, and am amazed these comments are still going strong! I feel the need to catch up….
Alfred E. Nixon, with bojac6 gone, you are my new crush.
Freefallin13, heck yeah I’m a woman, which probably explains why i can’t get enough dick jokes
Bob Dobbs, don’t even start about Kosovo, the intervention there was a good move and the right idea, only problem was that it didn’t happen sooner, and
DrZin and Flechberger (among others), why so paranoid? Were you monkey-raped as a child? (cause that would make me paranoid)
December 5th, 2008 at 5:55 am
Ignoring BuckleAU’s bizarre non-sequitur (4/12, 9:59am), most of the world is perplexed by America’s strange passion for claiming the moral high ground while defending the rights of its residents to shoot each other.
And yes, for every Right-wing extremist there’s a Left-wing extremist. But while the lefties read Marx and curse non-vegans, the righties go out and kill people. Pick which group is least suitable for a civilised democracy.
December 5th, 2008 at 5:55 am
“Too bad for you that the truth is often not politically correct”
Good point. You’re a stupid dick - now that ain’t politically correct, but it sure is true
December 5th, 2008 at 5:53 am
I think you’re missing the point here.
The article is named “The 4 Craziest Right Wing Fears About Obama” which means just that. He (the author) has chosen the four most ridiculous theories from that site, because that’s the entire purpose of the article.
December 5th, 2008 at 5:49 am
Hey, These are probably some of the most interesting and true posts you have ever printed. Too bad for you that the truth is often not politically correct. You left out most of the serious and documented stuff on purpose. Anyone who cares to go to the site and lurk it is Freerepublic.com. You will get more out of it there than you have ever gotten out of this site. I feel left out that you never used my posts. Probably too convincing for your brainwashing forum. Got to be careful to only print what you want the folks to know and with the proper conditioning.
December 5th, 2008 at 5:47 am
You know, this makes me want to make a user on one of those forums.
My sig would read the following:
Hi all, I’m a commi (Fire the nukes), an atheist (Burn the witch) and a student (Oh noes)
December 5th, 2008 at 5:39 am
Good job, Cracked. Keep the propaganda a rollin’.
Because, you know, you guys have proven yourselves to be real geniuses.
It’s not like you fail every time you attempt political humor or anything.
And, by the way, bring back Gladstone’s HBN videos instead of more of this garbage.
December 5th, 2008 at 5:36 am
Good show on this article from an international reader. I feel like such a bad person for laughing at the hot dog photo.
I wish I could be there when Obama is sworn in by the Chief Justice as POTUS. I’ll take the screams of the extreme right (as personified by some posts on this comment thread) as a consolation prize.
December 5th, 2008 at 5:26 am
I wish all humans would just stop for a second and chill the fuck out.. and just love each other a little. Everyone has good and bad in them. Right wing, left wing, disfigured, retarded, beautiful, intelligent….
Fuck it, I love everyone. And no I’m not high. <3
December 5th, 2008 at 5:01 am
[...] The 4 Craziest Right Wing Fears About Obama | Cracked.com - [...]
December 5th, 2008 at 4:33 am
haha!!
man, you’ve got some weird people in your country! don’t envy you.
being from Italy I can’t really speak… less weirdos here, but government is far worse than both Obama and Bush.
anyway, now that you have a real president jokes about the US have lost most of their punch. bummer.
December 5th, 2008 at 4:11 am
Cracked is getting preachy
December 5th, 2008 at 4:08 am
Does anyone know if Crazy and Sick have websites now too?
December 5th, 2008 at 4:06 am
I really want to call Poe’s Law here. I find it hard to believe such stupid people can use computers.
December 5th, 2008 at 4:03 am
I’m not going to argue with any of you people but seeing that people are taking it pretty seriously…
I’m from South Africa, and about 14 years ago we we’re in about the same position as you are. We we’re showered with the most amazing promises, and everything seemed to be going well.
14 years down the line we are being systematically tortured and murdered under the thin veil of “crime” and most of us already realised that all those amazing promises, we’re lies.
Just use us as an example before you start to judge.
Stay safe…
December 5th, 2008 at 4:02 am
Has anyone gone outside america and realised how messed up your country is…..especially its way of thinking.
December 5th, 2008 at 3:49 am
“But nobody here goes “OMG WE’RE GOING TO GET EATEN BY UNDEAD STALIN””
I guess you never read the works of George Orwell. You DO realize he was talking about Stalinists in the US and UK when he wrote Animal Farm and 1984. Dumbass.
December 5th, 2008 at 3:47 am
America-hating liberals think the president has no right to wiretap Americans and then retroactively make it legal.
Saints JFK and RFK wiretaped MLK and no one even bats an eyelash.
December 5th, 2008 at 3:46 am
“One important thing left out of this debate: the f***ing article was FAR from funny. ”
I was kinda hoping they’d named names :VP
December 5th, 2008 at 3:45 am
America-hating liberals think the president has no right to wiretap Americans and then retroactively make it legal.
Um google Obama and FISA. Jus sayin.
December 5th, 2008 at 3:43 am
America-hating liberals think that Bill Ayers was a freedom fighter for bombing the Pentagon and supporting the North Vietnamese Army.
December 5th, 2008 at 3:41 am
Is it really even necessary to compare this crap article to the left’s conspiracies about Bush and Cheney over the last eight years?
December 5th, 2008 at 3:41 am
Democraticundergound.com
Bring a blarf bag.
December 5th, 2008 at 3:40 am
“Obama was registered as a Christian when he was in middle school in Indonesia. ”
Really now? What denomination was he registered as and was this after he had already been registered as a muslim? When and where was he baptized by his non-practicing muslim fathers and agnostic/unitarian mother?
Keep dreaming.
December 5th, 2008 at 3:37 am
Interesting piece. Can’t say that the auther or the people posting at the conservative forum are more correct, but I would be interested in seeing the same kind of story, in the same format, only making light of the beliefs of the nutballs from some leftist website.
Try NBC.com.
December 5th, 2008 at 3:34 am
Boy howdy you betcha you got something over on us you sure did boy howdy.
John Severin must be ashamed at what you asshats are doing.
Praise fearless leader. Catsrastaleninchavez loves you.
December 5th, 2008 at 3:21 am
What we’ve learned so far:
1- This humor piece portrays the craziest neo-cons as typical.
2- HOW DARE YOU???!!!
3- Obama really is an illegal alien Black Panther who will confiscate your guns.
4- HOW DARE YOU???!!!
5- Liberals have no sense of humor.
6- HOW DARE YOU???!!!
7- The humor piece should not be taken seriously.
8- HOW DARE YOU???!!!
9- Maybe some of these claims about Obama are valid. Just sayin’
10- HOW DARE YOU???!!!
December 5th, 2008 at 3:15 am
Boozertown…
Actually you forgot to add “Republican” before each use of the word president.
Gore could have been president and done EXACTLY the very same things as Bush and democrats and liberals for the most part wouldn’t have said SHIT and you know it.
Re: Clinton in Kosovo and launching cruise missiles at Iraq.
But don’t feel too down…your counterpart on the right side thinks the same way you do….you’re ALL biased dolts. Now grow the fuck up….
December 5th, 2008 at 3:11 am
“..I wish I could live in this paranoid, naive and ignorant fantasyland, it sounds fun…”
Don’t sell yourself short..you’re pretty much there
| | | |
V V V V
“..The day after Obama won I said “Holy Shit!” and ran out and bought a gun. Not because I think he’s going to take them away, but to protect myself from all those people who think he will..”
December 5th, 2008 at 3:06 am
“blah blah blah those goddamn racist radical ignorant right-wing loonies have said stupid* things which I can photoshop to reveal who goddamn racist, radical, ignorant, and right-wing these loonies are blah blah blah”
(Comment section: “–but only the specific loonies who said these things. We totally respect all the OTHER radical right-wing loonies.”)
————————
* Due to budget constraints, some of the comments may be more aptly described as “taken out of context,” “intended as humoristic exaggeration,” or “actually fairly reasonable”, rather than “stupid.”
December 5th, 2008 at 2:52 am
Whew!… and I thought I was going to have to return the 500 Obama Commemorative $1 coins I bought for the low low price of $29.99 (plus S/H)…. hahahahaaaaaaaa
December 5th, 2008 at 2:42 am
The day after Obama won I said “Holy Shit!” and ran out and bought a gun. Not because I think he’s going to take them away, but to protect myself from all those people who think he will. heh
I’m still trying to figure out how “all of the serial killers were practicing homosexuals?” Where the fuck do they get that? I wish I could live in this paranoid, naive and ignorant fantasyland, it sounds fun. Just say whatever you want and it’s true, others chime in on the affirmative so long as it’s what they want to hear. Must be fun not to worry about such unpleasantries like facts and logic…
December 5th, 2008 at 2:14 am
Dear God people….DONUTS…….DONUTS…….AND LEST WE FORGET
…….BOOBIES!!!!!!
December 5th, 2008 at 2:04 am
Obama does look uncannily like the “Saturn Devouring His Son” painting in that first picture. Good find.
December 5th, 2008 at 2:01 am
I voted for Obama with the hope that he in fact is a radical no good, incompetent, despicable, lying, Marxist, Nazi, elitist son of an African goat herder who plans on rounding up enslaving and killing all straight white men. Because, even though I am a straight white man, I hate straight white men. What a bunch of whiney paranoid bitches. I’ll gladly take a zyclone shower if it means silencing the Rush Limbaugh ditto-headed hypocritical blowhards numb nuts that actually believe this retarded nonesense.
December 5th, 2008 at 1:49 am
Secret Squirrel and Spider Jerusalem: you might be my heroes/crushes (or women-crushes, depending on your gender, which I think I’ve deduced that Squirrel is, in fact, a woman). Your comments have kept me laughing all night.
Wish to join me in sitting back and watching the downward spiral that is this comment board’s logistical capability, sanity, and ability to summon a rational thought or source? I’ll bring the beer.
December 5th, 2008 at 1:47 am
Boozetown–
“Hating America” means that liberals cherish American values like the separation of church and state.
America-hating liberals think torture is evil.
America-hating liberals think it’s a bad idea to suspend habeas corpus.
America-hating liberals think the president has no right to wiretap Americans and then retroactively make it legal.
America-hating liberals dislike the idea of the president claiming “unitary executive powers,” which basically make him King George.
America-hating liberals think it’s wrong to use signing statements to bypass duly-passed laws.
America-hating liberals believe the 1st Amendment erects a wall of separation between Church and State.
And so on.
Don’t you get it? Unless you’re a fundamentalist Christian with no grasp of history and common decency, you’re an America-hating liberal.
December 5th, 2008 at 1:46 am
Anonymouse: Your arguments remind me of a twelve year old who starts shouting louder and louder when losing an argument. Your logic (if one can venture to call it that) is even less mature.
Here’s one example: Martial arts can be used against guns? That’d be as easy as using it to stop a moving truck, which should be easier since
a. It’s bigger than a bullet
b. It’s slower than a bullet
c. It has more places to grab/strike than a bullet
You seem like a person who watches Steven Seagal movies and says “Yeah, that could happen. I could stop a gang of twenty with my karate gimmiks too. Their guns are no match for Mouse Techinique!”
Before you respond please make sure your homework is done.
December 5th, 2008 at 1:39 am
I.. I’m losing respect for myself for even getting in on this, but what the hell!
Liberals Hate America? This is a direct response to Zenstorm, the guy saying that leftys hate America. Dude, I voted Democrat and I hate America?
I want to know how you’re working this out, how does being on the left side of the political fence equal out to hating America?
I’m not even angry, I’m really just curious as to how you’re drawing this conclusion.
Does this apply to everyone on the left, are you saying that the president-elect hates America? That’s a pretty bold claim.
When Obama’s Black Panther armed HomochildArmy comes around, well you’ll be eating those words I think.
December 5th, 2008 at 1:38 am
I don’t think DrZin is even a real doctor.
December 5th, 2008 at 1:35 am
DrZin–
You’re another victim of the far-right propaganda mills.
Obama was registered as a Christian when he was in middle school in Indonesia.
Another right-winger earlier wondered why it’s important that Obama has the support of our foreign allies. I’m not at all surprised to see you’re in that camp.
Your accusations that he’s far-left (he’s a centrist) anti-white (his mother is white) corrupt (evidence, please?) communist-darling (you’re an idiot) terrorist (you’re an even bigger idiot) just prove that nothing you have to say in the matter should be taken seriously.
You, in fact, are more evidence that Brockway probably should have portrayed these lunatics as mainstream conservatives, instead of paranoid-fringe aberrations.
December 5th, 2008 at 1:23 am
I personally think that Obama is a far-Left, fairly corrupt, politician, whom unrepentant, communist domestic terrorists and radical anti-white clergymen think is just the guy they want in the White House. Oh, wait. I don’t think that, the FACTS think that.
Now, it’s quite possible that Obama is amazingly cynical and covets power over ideology, or that he’s a bit too much of a pantywaist to try anything too Leniny. So, we’ve got that going for us.
As to whether he is a muslim, well, we know that he was, at least, when he was in middle school in Indonesia; he may have renounced Islam, which probably wouldn’t be especially good for Middle East relations in that apostasy is a capital offense within Islam. As to whether his being a member of the peacefulest religion would be a bad thing, well, in that our nation and the free world at large is at war with radical Islam, I could think of a better demographic to prosecute the war than a secret muslim.
December 5th, 2008 at 1:22 am
I can see how someone who wants to ignore the plain meaning of my last post could take it out of context. Let me clarify:
I don’t take it personally when someone says Rosie O’Donnell has the support of mainstream Democrats. It does piss me off, though.
Moronic accusations with no basis in reality are still offensive because they make civilized discourse so difficult.
When Rosie O’Donnell gets elected to Congress, I’ll be right there with the conservatives wondering WTF?!
Thing is, I know plenty of conservatives who would cream their jeans if Sean Hannity somehow managed to get elected to Congress.
Yes, there are extreme liberals, but they don’t have nearly the clout and actual political power as the extremist conservatives.
You want to know why there’s no liberal with the audience of Rush Limbaugh? Because liberals aren’t fucking moonbatshit-loony in the same numbers as conservatives. They exist, but not in Congress, and they don’t dominate AM talk radio.
December 5th, 2008 at 1:21 am
I’m sorry, of course it was meant to be slightly insulting! the people who are bing insulted have the most discriminatory ideas that i have ever read, so what if he is black or encourages community service and acceptance of all sexual orientations- wow making the world a better, more humane place?!? that MUST make him a bad person…
December 5th, 2008 at 1:12 am
There is an even crazier theory about Obama that I think you guys missed.
The idea was that he’s apparently a Muslim, and therefore, the anticrist. I kid you not. Apparently he would take over the united states, and attack israel, which according to biblical prophecy, would kick-start the apocalypse.
This should have been number one.
December 5th, 2008 at 1:05 am
yo mama–
It’s personal only if you think it hits too close to home.
I take offense only when some right-wing idiot suggests Rosie O’Donnell has the support of a majority of Democrats. It’s the Republicans who desperately want to believe that.
Meanwhile, we have mainstream Republicans (on this board and in the Supreme Court) who think Obama is hiding his birth certificate.
And on this message board who think Obama wants to (and can) take away your guns…
…who think Obama is a Black Panther…
…who think Obama is a Muslim (as if that’s a bad thing).
Unfortunately, Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity encourage you far-right wackos to believe just that.
Your powers of discernment are truly frightening, and not in a good way.
December 5th, 2008 at 1:02 am
“This is [second of two, and therefore] one of the funniest paragraphs I have ever read. ”
Got your back.
December 5th, 2008 at 1:01 am
Matt G, I don’t know if anyone has responded to your post where you posted a link to the ‘Caucasian Conspiracy’, but I have some points to make… first, the article you linked to was deleted for many reasons, some of which being (direct quotes):
Delete as an obvious coatrack for racist conspiracy theory nonsense. Arguably speedy for BLP problems - it is arguably an attack page.” “Claims to be a book but there seem to be no reference of it online, no ISDN number, (maybe because it has not been released yet?), The link given to the book [1] returns a 404 page and the Barack Obama does not even mention it. The external link also does not really seem to have much to do with the subject, (apart from conspiracies in general).”
and Obama is black, despite your silly ultra white wing and somewhat racist theory.
December 5th, 2008 at 12:59 am
One important thing left out of this debate: the f***ing article was FAR from funny.
I was pretty much prepared to ignore the typical lefty lackbrainery for a good laugh, as I have to do in order to enjoy upwards of 80% of contemporary entertainment media (although, honestly, Cracked.com is one of the most neutral humor facilities in operation; I think David Wong is a crypto-con). But, the funny stuff was not forthcoming.
Oh, except for the parts about the retarded nun and that thing about the Hulk; that was hiLLArious. (God, it was even hard to find a couple of examples of feeble pseudo-humor with which to sarcasticize)
December 5th, 2008 at 12:47 am
“And while it could be said that stocking up on a small but furious country’s worth of firearms in order to fight a demographic that is largely armed with optimism and a can-do attitude is a bit of an overreaction, some people see every act of this new administration as a sign of the impending apocalypse, no matter how retarded that might seem”
This is one of the funniest paragraphs I have ever read. And now I’m going to resist the urge to get into an argument or correct any of the things that have been posted here. You have just as much right to your opinion as I do, with the sole difference being that I’m right and you’re wrong.
December 5th, 2008 at 12:40 am
Tabby is retarded, here are the stats on jeffery dahmer. Not supporting either side here, just want everyone to know the retardedness of Tabby. Have fun.
Jeffrey Lionel Dahmer (May 21, 1960 – November 28, 1994) was an American serial killer and sex offender. Dahmer murdered 17 men and boys – most of whom were of African or Asian descent – between 1978 and 1991, with the majority of the murders occurring between 1987 and 1991. His murders were particularly gruesome, involving rape, torture, dismemberment, necrophilia and cannibalism. On November 28, 1994, Dahmer was beaten to death by fellow Columbia Correctional Institution inmate Christopher Scarver with a bar from a weight machine while on work detail in the prison gym.
December 5th, 2008 at 12:30 am
Fine. point taken. so lets see his “4 Craziest Left Wing Fears about the Right Wing”. and then lets see how many of you take offense to it. there’s no responsible way to make a joke out of peoples religious or political beliefs and expect unity from it. you know as well as i do it’s not satire. it’s personal.
December 5th, 2008 at 12:28 am
Alfred E. Nixon - Thanks for backing me up there.
December 5th, 2008 at 12:25 am
Umup0–
Exactly. And no matter how many times you or I point this out, the deservedly embarrassed right-wing idiots will continue to think this is an indictment of all conservatives.
BTW, my last comment somehow got posted BEFORE Radula’s post I was responding to.
I think it’s very telling that the right-wingers, who think this article accuses all conservatives of being idiots, turn around and insist that Obama is an illegal alien Black Panther who wants to take away all our guns.
Irony is still dead.
December 5th, 2008 at 12:23 am
Alright. With that argument considered, how about you consider the rest of my post - you know, my main contention.
December 5th, 2008 at 12:23 am
[...] who recently spent quality time in the muck and mire of far right wing message boards to dig up the four most insane conspiracy theories about President-elect Barack Obama. What can I say? It’s funny, funny shit. And so very, very [...]
December 5th, 2008 at 12:22 am
Wow…comments in the 450s and climbing. Too bad most of them are haters.
December 5th, 2008 at 12:19 am
FINALLY ROBERT! MORE VENN DIAGRAMS!
December 5th, 2008 at 12:18 am
“He could just as easily post “The 4 Craziest Left Wing Fears About the Right Wing” without meaning to insult anyone.”
Yeah.
Except, I highly doubt that he didn’t mean to insult anyone.
You know, I’m probably wrong about that, though. I take it back.
Insults are probably not the intent from a member of “a demographic that is largely armed with optimism and a can-do attitude.”
My bad.
December 5th, 2008 at 12:15 am
Half of you don’t fucking get it. He’s not saying that all right wingers are this batshit crazy, he’s showing the “4 Craziest Right Wing Fears About Obama”. Geez. I could post a fucking artical called “The 5 Ugliest Humans on Earth” and I bet I’d get at least one dumbshit poster enlightening me to the fact that ‘Not al humas ar ugley yu gay faget natsi bich get of crakd you bich!!11!’. He could just as easily post “The 4 Craziest Left Wing Fears About the Right Wing” without meaning to insult anyone.
December 5th, 2008 at 12:02 am
Awesome!
This article just gave me an idea for a similar one, except mine will be about crack-pot-ism on the liberal side of the fence. My first sited instance of said crack-pot-ism? This article.
Seriously, anyone who can describe liberals as “a demographic that is largely armed with optimism and a can-do attitude” …has lost all touch with reality.
I just don’t see how the “I hate the U.S. This place is shit!”-crowd can be described as “a demographic that is largely armed with optimism and a can-do attitude.”
Can somebody on the left help me with that?
I mean since you’re all part of “a demographic that is largely armed with optimism and a can-do attitude,”
…should be no problem for folks like you, right?
Just to explain it?
While you’re at it, perhaps you could also explain to me how ‘up’ is really ‘down,’ ‘in’ is really ‘out’ and ‘red’ is really ‘purple’ etc.
I’d appreciate it.
Thanks.
December 4th, 2008 at 11:54 pm
why has none of the cracked writers written a piece on the other end of the spectrum. there’s plenty of fodder for both sides of this grossly bias article all over the internet. in case none of you know, left wing assholes are just as bad as right wing sphincters, just with a different label. YOU ARE ALL THE SAME. stamp a bar code tattoo on your necks and we have a product of ignorance to put on the market. be proud, you’ll probably sell better than carbon credits. you’re all the same. my point being proven by all the responses to this REtard inducing article.
December 4th, 2008 at 11:53 pm
“You could troll leftwing sites and have a field day too. I’m sure that post is slated to run tomorrow.”
I hope so. This one was hilarious.
December 4th, 2008 at 11:51 pm
Hey, “Smarter Than Most Of You”–
So, you think that a government should be able to take away your right to defend yourself?
Owning a gun for safety is retarded? Hmmm…well, I’ve noticed that Canada has 62,000 people with guns protecting you up there. How about you disband your military and see what happens. We promise we won’t interfere with the experiment by using our guys with guns to defend you.
If Canada has solved all its gun violence problems and everybody’s copacetic, why is the CBC making a miniseries called “Guns” that will explore gun violence in Canada? Heck, how could you have gun violence in Canada, when guns are outlawed? Of course, I guess we have to figure out why gun crime is common in Chicago and Washington, D.C. even though they have total handgun bans.
Yeah, you can’t figure out why someone might want to have a weapon available when some guy shows up to try to rape or rob them, but you’re smarter than the rest of us. Sure you are, kid. Sure you are.
December 4th, 2008 at 11:51 pm
“Show’s how much you know about guns. Unless it’s a revolver, you’re never supposed to leave the bullets in the gun.”
We leave magazines in automatics skippy. Bullets go in magazines (and chambers for that matter.)
“Even if it was keyless entry, it would still take time to punch in the numbers, and things like fingerprint and voice recognition I’d expect to be a little out of one’s budget.”
It takes about 2.5 seconds. You know about as much about safes as you do about guns: nada.
“That’d be pretty stupid waiting until he got up to the bedroom. If he was armed, he’d see you way before you’d see him,”
How do you figure? Does our burglar have Night vision goggles? Or is he shining around a flash light making a nice target of himself? Either way 120 lumens in the face hurts. Say hello to my little surefire :p
“and he’d shoot your wife, and maybe even your kids way before he got to you.”
considering the wife is in the same room I am behind a locked door; not likely. Considering said wife can also handle a gun I think it’s more likely she’d shoot him first. If I had kids I’d put a door across the bedroom area walling-off the second floor. Steel frames take a while to beat down and make a lot of noise. I’d also teach the kids to shoot. Massad Ayoob started his at three.
“Most burglars operate alone”
Guess you never heard the phrase “home invasion” they’re all the rage in certain parts of the country. Obviously I like solo burglars better but they tend to hit during the day when the house is empty.
“ADT alarm systems work even when the phone lines are cut.”
Enjoy waiting 20 minutes for the cops to show up; five if you’re real lucky 2-3 hours if you live in a rural area. Oh,and BTW? Wireless signals can be jammed, and the gear will fit in a van. I haven’t heard of any cases yet but it’s only a matter of time. If you care enough to cut phone-lines you care enough to mess with wireless jamming.
“You’d still have to find the magazine,”
It’s in the gun. Magazines go in guns savvy?
“grab extra bullets,”
You really lack personal organization skills! I think the fifteen in the magazine are probably going to be enough. If not the two magazines sitting right next to the gun will probably help. If you’re really clever you put the magazines on a vest carrier and bam, there’s your spare mags on your ballistic armor.
“Still stumble around in the dark”
I’m not going out of my room, no problems there.
“Alerting your presence to the burglar.”
He’s welcome to wander into my field of fire. If he can bust down a steel-framed door first. Good security systems are like onions, they have layers.
Your kids and/or wife will also get up wondering wtf is up and you might accidentally shoot them in the frenzy.
Uh, no. Please stop pretending you know anything about guns at all; it’s embarrassing to watch you try and sound like you know what you’re talking about.
December 4th, 2008 at 11:45 pm
Wow! I can’t believe that political crackpottery exists! On the INTERNET of all places!
After these last 8 years of selected-not-elected Chimpy McHitlerburton shredding the constitution, simultaneously causing, perpetrating, and failing to prevent 9/11, monitoring every last item we borrow from the library and every last word we whisper to our relatives in Pakistan, murdering Paul Wellstone, snorting cocaine off of Ann Coulter’s tits in the Oval Office, and ordering our homicidally insane, mongoloid military servicemen to kill every last Muslim on the planet, it’s doubly shocking to read what these right-wing loonies can come up with.
So let’s hurry up and turn our entire health care system over to some responsible people, like Barney Frank and Chris Dodd, who were so amazingly effective in supervising our national lending institutions. Thank God that there’s finally a governmental policy with no alarming implications whatsoever.
December 4th, 2008 at 11:43 pm
I thought this was pretty funny, a good use of satire. Even if it’s taking blown-out-of-proportion comments made by utter morons and mocking them, it’s still pretty reflective of the general idiocy that is required to consider yourself “far-anything-wing.” Political ideologies are great and all, but when you start overreacting to the other side of the spectrum, and refuse to consider anything that differs from your opinion as valid you’re taking it too far.
What happened to good, old fashioned Centrism? We need a unified Democratic/Republican Coalition. That’ll bring some real change.
Great article Bob, keep ‘em coming.
December 4th, 2008 at 11:23 pm
I love this site, and many things from this author, but seriously - this is complete horseshit.
December 4th, 2008 at 11:18 pm
“My comments were directed to the right-wingers who take this article too seriously.”
So, it’s a twisted, comical take on what nonliberals believe…or it speaks truth to power…or, what?
The truth is, it’s an intellectually dishonest post, that employs one of the lamest gimmicks of the political blogworld (which is why this site normally, and wisely, doesn’t try to be overtly political.) It trolls comments and pretends they represent a statistically signifcent number of Americans.
You could troll leftwing sites and have a field day too. I’m sure that post is slated to run tomorrow.
December 4th, 2008 at 11:09 pm
Hahaha, nice.
How can some people even say such things as quoted in the article… Even on the intrawebs. Awesome finds.
December 4th, 2008 at 11:03 pm
**Oh my fucking god
THIS ARTICLE IS AMAZING**
People, people. YOU AREN’T LEARNING ANYTHING. You could troll left wing blogs and pull comments that are just as insane.
This is Understanding the Rest of the Country written for first-graders.
“Robert Brockway, you are an expert troll, a magnanimous scholar, and a genuinely provocative journalist.
Also, you are the new Jesus”
sigh
December 4th, 2008 at 10:52 pm
Oh my fucking god
THIS ARTICLE IS AMAZING
60 pages of pure redneck hatred
Robert Brockway, you are an expert troll, a magnanimous scholar, and a genuinely provocative journalist.
Also, you are the new Jesus
Watch as all the trailer park trash and redneck retards gather around their welfare-bought computers and attempt to criticize a man obviously more intelligent then their bunch
“Brockway, how did you retain your sanity whilst reading these forum comments?”
Would like to know that too
December 4th, 2008 at 10:52 pm
What did I just get done telling you, Mr. Nixon?
December 4th, 2008 at 10:51 pm
Radula–
My comments were directed to the right-wingers who take this article too seriously. I’ve seen their ilk polluting public discourse for 8 years. I thought the Cracked piece was funny. The member posts prove that satire and reality have lost any distinction.
December 4th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
Oh–for you who says Obama has no experience and has accomplished nothing, you should learn how to use Google. Just because it gives you information you don’t like, that doesn’t mean it’s left-wing. Here’s a sampling of Obama’s qualifications to be president:
1) Member of the US Senate Committee on Foreign Relations charged with leading foreign policy legislation and debate in the Senate, overseeing funding of foreign aid programs and arms sales to allies and debating treaties.
The list of stops and foreign leaders he met with on his trip with Lugar includes British Prime Minister Tony Blair, representatives of the Russian International Republican Institute and National Democratic Institute, various Russian military officials, US Ambassador to Russia William Burns, inspections of nuclear weapons facilities and missile elimination sites, Ukrainian President Victor Yushchenko, Ukrainian political and military officials, Azerbaijan President Ilham Aliyev as well as opposition leaders,
2) Member of the US Senate Committee on Homeland Security with jurisdiction over the Department of Homeland Security
3) Taken three major trips abroad as a part of an official Senate delegation, meeting with US generals and foreign leaders
4) He and Dick Lugar traveled to the former Soviet states to meet with officials and inspect the destruction of WMD’s
5) His foreign travels as a Senator include trips in 2005 to Moscow, Keiv, Baku, Azerbaijan; in 2006 to Qatar, Kuwait, Iraq, Jordan, Israel, South Africa, Congo, Kenya, Djibouti
6) His foreign travels as a presidential candidate in2008 include trips to Jordan, Israel, Germany, France and England
7) The list of foreign leaders he met with on his recent trip includes French President Sarkozy, German president Merkel, Israeli President Shimon Peres, Afghan President Hamid Karzai and other officials, Israeli Defense Minister Ehud Barak, Israeli Foreign Minister Tzipi Livni, Israeli opposition leader Benjamin Netanyahu, Jordan’s King Abdullah, Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas, Palestinian Prime Minister of the Palestinian Authority Salam Fayad, English leader of the opposition David Cameron.
9) Taught constitutional law at the University of Chicago Law School for twelve years, being first classified as a Lecturer from 1992 to 1996, and then as a Senior Lecturer from 1996 to 2004.
10) Selected, based on his grades and a writing competition, as an editor of the Harvard Law Review.
11) elected to the Illinois Senate in 1996, succeeding State Senator Alice Palmer as Senator from Illinois’ 13th District, which then spanned Chicago South Side neighborhoods from Hyde Park-Kenwood south to South Shore and west to Chicago Lawn. Once elected, Obama gained bipartisan support for legislation reforming ethics and health care laws. He sponsored a law increasing tax credits for low-income workers, negotiated welfare reform, and promoted increased subsidies for childcare. In 2001, as co-chairman of the bipartisan Joint Committee on Administrative Rules, Obama supported Republican Governor Ryan’s payday loan regulations and predatory mortgage lending regulations aimed at averting home foreclosures.
12) Obama was reelected to the Illinois Senate in 1998, and again in 2002.
13) chairman of the Illinois Senate’s Health and Human Services Committee
14) sponsored and led unanimous, bipartisan passage of legislation to monitor racial profiling by requiring police to record the race of drivers they detained and legislation making Illinois the first state to mandate videotaping of homicide interrogations. During his 2004 general election campaign for U.S. Senate, police representatives credited Obama for his active engagement with police organizations in enacting death penalty reforms.
December 4th, 2008 at 10:49 pm
Alfred:
Recite the MST3k mantra with me: “repeat to yourself it’s just a show, I should really just relax.” Except replace “show” with “humor website”. It’s just a humor website, I should really just relax…it’s just a humor website, I should really just relax…
December 4th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
You mock right wing sites by citing….their comments sections?
Isn’t that one of the lamest gimmicks on the Political Net?
Yes. Yes, I believe it is.
December 4th, 2008 at 10:44 pm
Do any of you right-wing nut-jobs even know how the American government works? Obama cannot unilaterally outlaw guns, even if he has a supermajority of Democrats on his side (which he does not).
First off, the Supreme court recently declared the 2nd Amendment is a guarantee of private gun ownership.
Second, it would take a constitutional amendment to undo that. First Congress would have to pass an amendment, and then 3/4 of the states would have to ratify it.
Your fear that Obama has the power of a king just shows how utterly ignorant and paranoid you are. I realize you freaks have nothing but contempt for education (you seem to equate intelligence with communism), but, really, you just make yourselves look every bit as irrational as you think this article portrays you (which it does not, but I’m starting to wonder).
Yes, GW Bush did try to usurp the powers of a king and relegate Congress and the courts to rubber-stamp status, but rest assured that Obama will try to undo the damage your hero has done to the constitution. He will most likely relinquish Bush’s unconstitutional power-grab.
Jesus Heironymous Christmas, people, get a fucking clue. Quit getting all your information from AM talk radio and Fox “News.” Go to the library and check out a book. Take a pill. There are some wonderful antipsychotic medications out there, from which you will benefit immensely.
December 4th, 2008 at 10:41 pm
amen!
December 4th, 2008 at 10:35 pm
NOT A FUCKIN DEBATE SITE.
REFRAIN!
December 4th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
As a right-winger, I lol’d. I think the people on the right are blowing this way way WAY out of proportion, and the world is not going to end during Obama’s reign. We all know the government pretty much does absolutely nothing, regardless of who’s in control.
Both sides are *batshit crazy.*
December 4th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
@Robert Brockway : Hey Bob, I was doggedly reading the comments and got as far as your “burn down the website” comment. I guess my Silly String/fire analogy is destined to go unheeded.
Well I got about half-way through and now it’s time for bed (and some Pepto-bismo). Goodnight and good grief.
December 4th, 2008 at 10:18 pm
As a Canadian, I thought this piece had some funny moments and was able to laugh at the sterotypical bit about Canadians’ getting umemployment and watching hockey but less impressed with some peoples (orangmtl, I’m looking at you here) strange rants about our country.
Yes, we are obsessed with hockey - it is a fast game and fun to watch. Only recently our employment rate has been slightly higher than the U.S and while we do have some doctors leaving - we still have healthcare that is accessible to anyone, regardless of income level or lack of insurance.
We also have better beer and marijuana is practically legal. And please, we are NOT the least respected country in North America - I have traveled and lived in various parts of the world and people have great respect for Canadians.
Plus that whole burning down the white house thing in 1812 kind of rocked…
December 4th, 2008 at 10:03 pm
@orangemtl:
I was going to defend schoolteachers, but then I realized that you must have been taught by them at some point in time. Ignorant assholes like yourself really prove that the American school system needs serious rehab.
December 4th, 2008 at 9:59 pm
Or do we still think Bush is going to declare martial law, overthrow the Constitution, and nullify the election?
December 4th, 2008 at 9:56 pm
Yeah, because one side of the political spectrum has never harbored paranoid fantasies of the other side.
Did you miss the last 8 years?
December 4th, 2008 at 9:33 pm
Exile, is that a troop of brownshirts I see peering through your kitchen window? Tsk, tsk,—shouldn’t have dissed His Obamajesty, nor his wife (whose maiden name in the original tongue, I believe was Ulkgghaggh-nachaGAH, or some such).
What’s nearly as funny as the actual conservative ‘outrage’ in this string (which is pretty minimal), but the “I hate you Nazi conservatives! You all want to kill our Messiah!” vitriolic screeds. No; we don’t think he can or would do all of these loony things—after all, he’s going to rely on his followers to carry out his agenda? High-time unionists, civil servants, public school teachers and college students? Well THERE’S a dream team for ya! All he needs now is the Canadians, and then you’ve gotcherself a juggernaut of progress—unless they all oversleep, or call in sick or file for disability, or go to a hockey game instead.
December 4th, 2008 at 9:30 pm
I can’t believe one of my posts didn’t make this list. Commissar Elect Obama (Adolf to his friends) is going to make the great depression look like the dot com boom. I detest this son of a bitch and his Klingon wife.
December 4th, 2008 at 9:29 pm
Damn, the ultra-conservatives have figured Obama out. The gay, child military will quickly dispatch of them.
December 4th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
The thing is, Obama *does* plan to outlaw certain kinds of common guns and to restrict the right of law-abiding citizens to carry their weapons. I’m buying a gun over Christmas break.
December 4th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
Normally I read all comments before posting, but HOLY SHIT Bob! 410 and it’s not even been 14 hours. And this is your only your second “official” submission.
Granted, given the nature of your subject(s), you pretty much guaranteed that those same ignorant neo-cons you lampooned would come out of the woodwork to pollute this community with poorly thought-out rants.
Another site that I liked posted a short blurb making fun of Taylor Hicks once. That was the American idol contestant with the grey hair who twitched alot(if any one cares). Anyway… my point is, it took days for all the die-hard “Soul Patrol” retards to go away.
Playing with fire and Silly String isn’t always a recipe for fun.
I will now attempt to finish reading the rest of the comments with getting sick.
December 4th, 2008 at 9:05 pm
Is it too much to ask to find some FUCKING HUMOUR on a website that bills itself as “America’s only humour website?” This garbage is not funny.
December 4th, 2008 at 8:58 pm
Fact:Obama’s not black enough to be become a black panther
December 4th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
Wow. Some poor dumb bastard is trying to dissect the “logical merits” of a joke about the Karate Kid? That’s such a beautiful own-goal that I almost suspect “Groo” is too good to be true.
December 4th, 2008 at 8:52 pm
I absolutely hate motherfucking racist assholes like the ones quoted in this article. Yes, obviously the Democratic Party (which I am a member of) nominated someone who was planning on killing everyone. I mean, why would we know anything about out own candidate. Obviously we were stupid to believe this nice guy “act” of his.
Assholes.
December 4th, 2008 at 8:38 pm
Brockaway,
Your response was very, very funny– far better than your POS article. I just had to wait a few hours for you to bring the funny.
Keep up the good work and please accept my apologies. Don’t choke on the cock, enjoy it (not that there’s anything wrong with it).
Horace (not even a righty)
December 4th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
Groo, you’re killing me.”Wikipedia for retards”—that’s a gold plated keeper.
December 4th, 2008 at 8:31 pm
…and Canada’s unemployment rate is higher than ours? While their rate of physician egress is among the highest in the developed countries and they routinely tapdance all over free speech (see:Mark Steyn) so as not to offend their coddled Muslim zealots needlessly? The unemployment I can understand: I mean, how many Zamboni drivers can one country actually need? But the brain drain, and the cowering “Netherlandic” stance vis a vis the Muslim extremists, and being the least respected country in North America: Crikey, that’s gotta hurt. I mean, at least Mexico provides us with excellent lawn care, and pretty good cuisine to us, whereas Canada? All we get is the occasional cold front.
Oh, almost forgot the central tenet of this thing: Obama’s going to tax guns and coal producers to death, and I don’t like him. Sorry, I almost strayed from the essentials of the string, didn’t I?
December 4th, 2008 at 8:29 pm
Booooooooooooriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing
December 4th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
That’s right anonymouse, I have a gun, therefore my penis is small, and The Karate Kid proves that……. (Wait, WTF Judo?) you’re like Wikipedia for retards, do you realize that?
No…seriously, take a minute and read back over some of your posts…..
Ok, now, do you see why………no? I’ll take that blank look as a no.
Your arguments have all the logical merit of “Trix are for kids!”
You have got to be a Troll. There’s no other explanation that fits. No person in their right mind could possibly be making these arguments except to egg others on.
I mean, if you really were retarded, you’re caretaker would have gotten you away from the computer by now right?
That’s what this is….a joke. Well bravo! I get it. You are quite the funny one aren’t you anonymouse?
December 4th, 2008 at 8:20 pm
No, Anonymouse, I’m just bored with you. And your bullshit habit of inventing numbers. If you have a valid argument, present it in a coherent fashion—although adding humor is good, since this is Cracked: it’s not CSPAN, for God’s sake (we’d all be asleep otherwise, and you’d be Nancy Pelosi or some other dried up douchebag).
Inventing numbers is—well, it’s downright liberal. And candy-assed and amateurish (note that another individual provided the same range of accuracy as my response, only I’ve not reviewed the US Mortality statistics since spring, so I didn’t remember them verbatim: mea culpa)
And you must either have: a) no kids, or b) fucked up offspring, to presume that they’d ignore education and go off like the “jackass” boys. Or perhaps that’s just how things are in YOUR trailer park; me, we don’t allow that sort in our neighborhood–our kids get educated and are fairly well behaved and go on to have good paying jobs, so as to continue oppressing the masses. Why the hell else have money and education—and guns, after all? To give it all away to the riffraf? Au contraire, mon frere. ( That’s a Canadian phrase, which in English means “our military performs peacekeeping missions so as to escape the FUCKING SNOW for awhile”.)
December 4th, 2008 at 8:15 pm
Hah, actually, nationmaster.com lists canada’s unemployment rate at almost 1% higher than the US. Well if that doesn’t shit in your wheaties, nothing will.
December 4th, 2008 at 8:13 pm
hey chainfire dont forget.. your canada only exists because youre surrounded by america
December 4th, 2008 at 8:10 pm
@chainfire
And yet, we still think you’re a bunch of pussies. Kinda just eats at ya doesn’t it?
December 4th, 2008 at 8:08 pm
People people please,
Can we all just stop for a minute and acknowledge the genious of whale sperm encrusted Argentinian shit biscuits?
not even a “heh”? Nothing?
Shit, I’m going back to writing for SNL, those idiots will laugh at anything.
December 4th, 2008 at 8:07 pm
So you can’t come up with a comeback so you just tell me to give it up? Pussy. Family Guy was right. All gun owners (who aren’t hunters) and NRA members are just struggling with their sexuality and/or have tiny penises. The guys who have real balls are the ones who don’t even need a gun to take down a burglar. They just use a judo on their asses to take them down. If you need a gun to make you feel safe, you’re not only stupid, you’re lazy too. Learn some damn martial arts. It worked in “Karate Kid”.
December 4th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
@ orangemtl
Fuck the states. America has one of the biggest incarceration rates in the world and is tops for a 1st world nation. America has significantly more crime, unemployment, and obeses people then Canada. Canada will be the only g8 nation that will actually have a surplus in 2009. Canada has a great economy, more oil, more resources, lesser unemployment rate, public health care, govenrment subsidized post-secondary tuition fees and a lot less crime per capita.
Canada has forgone more peace keeping missions then every country combined on the planet while the States wages wars over false information ( Iraq). The U.S. is the biggest arms dealer in the world and gets rich off african genocide and religious hate. The U.S. has a INCREDIBLE INTERNATIONAL DEBT, while Canada should have it’s debt paid off by 2055.
The u.s. sucks. You guys are good at making movies and tv shows though!
December 4th, 2008 at 8:02 pm
Woman SCARED TO DEATH of balloons… haha what a freak!
http://www.tokillfor.com/view_video.php?viewkey=62d463fd67c8d182f12d&page=3&viewtype=&category=mr
December 4th, 2008 at 8:02 pm
Obama is black??!?!
Wow, where have I been all this time.
Bill Gates is still Asian though…. right?
December 4th, 2008 at 7:59 pm
Brockway, you magnificent bastard. Finally a Cracked blogger that inspires more fear than Bucholz and actually tells a reader to be careful while sucking cock, you both entertain AND educate.
December 4th, 2008 at 7:56 pm
Brockway,
I, for one welcome our maritime overlords…
Anonymouse: give it up. People with guns will keep them. Those who, by your description would run around in circles like Larry, Curly and Moe with their hair on fire shouldn’t own them, and shouldn’t try to prevent us from doing so. Because we will shoot them and kill them. And send their severed ears to the NRA to pin up on the wall.
Just kidding about the shooting part.
But not about the ears…
December 4th, 2008 at 7:55 pm
This article is funny. It is one of those things though. You have to look into the window of the house to see what everyone is doing. If you are in the house then you only have one point of view. The rest of the world smirks at the Doomsday attitude of some of the people from the USA. What has happened? Your leader changed from one guy to another. The political party affiliation of the leader has also changed. He comes he and says he wants some changes to make things better for your country and citizens. The changes will take from months to years. Most of them will not even be felt. The war in Iraq took 18 months to start (from some planes hitting a couple of buildings) and 2 years to figure out it was not the best idea.
It is the reaction to the idea of change that we so enjoy. When the War Mongering Doomsdayers of the US finally acknowledge the rest of the world and that things are not so bad where they are. Then they to can sit back and laugh at the over-reaction of citizens of other countries going through their Doomsday prophecies of changing one guy for another to lead the country.
I would like to add that the speed of doing something about climate change is around 20 years to possibly get serious about it. Thats an international thing. That affects every country. Thats the speed of politics.
You are not going to wake up one morning and find your cities covered in Domes and everyone has flying cars.
Sit back, laugh at the over reaction indicated in this article. The world does not change that quick.
December 4th, 2008 at 7:55 pm
Education, huh? I’m pretty sure the guys on “Jackass” were probably taught the lessons we all were taught when we were kids, like, “Don’t kick each other in the nuts” and “Don’t throw oranges at 150mph at each other” and “Don’t jump off of rooftops with a shopping cart” and “Don’t put anything in your asshole” and “Don’t staple shit to yourself” and “Don’t chug Ipecac”. A lotta good THAT did, huh?
Boys are STUPID. They are going to do stupid things, no matter what you teach them. They are going to try to shoot beebees with a rifle, or paintballs with a shotgun. If you tell them where the gun is, they’re going to find it, and shoot stuff with it. And if he doesn’t do it, he’ll succumb to peer pressure and his friends will force him to.
December 4th, 2008 at 7:53 pm
*sigh* few gun owners think Obama is going outlaw all weapons, most simply believe that he’s planning to reinstate the assault weapons ban. This belief isn’t without cause, he said on his own website (later removed) that he planned to do just that, with even tighter restrictions. The spike in sales was mostly related to weapons with features that would be outlawed thanks to this ban and high capacity magazines.
December 4th, 2008 at 7:53 pm
i think obama is cool but your average black sucks donkey dicks (.)
December 4th, 2008 at 7:50 pm
Fail. You ditched HBN and got this ass-clown? I’m still political satire saturated from the election.
December 4th, 2008 at 7:47 pm
Show’s how much you know about guns. Unless it’s a revolver, you’re never supposed to leave the bullets in the gun.
Even if it was keyless entry, it would still take time to punch in the numbers, and things like fingerprint and voice recognition I’d expect to be a little out of one’s budget.
That’d be pretty stupid waiting until he got up to the bedroom. If he was armed, he’d see you way before you’d see him, and he’d shoot your wife, and maybe even your kids way before he got to you.
Those are B&E GANGS. Most burglars operate alone, unless they’re going after a rival gang member. ADT alarm systems work even when the phone lines are cut.
You’d still have to find the magazine, grab extra bullets, and, still stumble around in the dark without alerting your presence to the burglar. Your kids and/or wife will also get up wondering wtf is up and you might accidentally shoot them in the frenzy.
December 4th, 2008 at 7:46 pm
lol, “obama-pocalypse”!
You should do some more research on this, apparently there’s another theory that obama is muslim and will attempt to exterminate the jews, therefore triggering the biblical apocalypse.
lol.
December 4th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
Can I joint your efforts to build a maritime theocracy, Brockway? Maybe then people would drown instead of pointlessly arguing on a comedy website.
December 4th, 2008 at 7:41 pm
Anonymouse: your numbers are utter nonsense about “a child dies every two hours” from playing with guns. Nonsense. Those figures have been declining for fifteen years, and they’re well below the (let’s see, 24 divided by two, mutiply by 365, carry the seven) over 4000 child deaths that you claim. It’s actually in the low hundreds: not a great thing of course, but rather lower than the number dying in bicycling accidents.
Children in fact are less likely to ‘play’ with guns if they are educated about guns, told about gun safety, and taken out shooting with a responsible and trained adult, so as to eliminate the irresistible mystery element. If you don’t know how to handle a firearm, manage its care and safety, you ought not have one. Same as an aircraft, or other potentially dangerous object. And, if you don’t want one, by all means don’t buy one. But the “An alarm is safer, so let’s prohibit guns” is nonsensical.
Face it: it’s in the Constitution. It’s there to stay. Those vehemently objecting can go join Smarter Than You in Toronto or Saskatoon or some other frozen shithole and catch some hockey, eh?
December 4th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
To whoever asked me if I knew what I was talking about:
Yes, I almost always read DOB’s responses to comments. He responds in a HUMOROUS fashion. These comments aren’t even funny, witty, or intelligent in any way.
December 4th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
So Gary, as a conservative redneck, from California, who votes republican MOST of the time, and doesn’t want to outlaw abortion, has plenty of black friends and plenty of guns at the same time, supports gay marriage and the death penalty, enjoys football and discussions about theoretical physics, and doesn’t give two shits about the race of the next leader of the free world, do you consider me not “Right Wing” enough to fit your stereotype, or just an exception to your rule.
I make every attempt not to label and categorize the people I meet. I have many liberal friends, and I do not assume that every liberal I meet drives a Volvo to Starbucks in an Argyle sweater vest every morning before they get to their high paying job where they whine about the poor needing more money while they dine on $30 whale sperm crusted whole grain argentinian shit biscuits and listen to Yanni.
Wipe the spittle from the corners of your sperm encrusted lips and realize, people can’t be categorized that way. You have to allow for the occasional crazy in ANY group of people, but there are a lot of nice normal people who consider themselves “right wing”.
December 4th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
Listen carefully cause I only say this once, and I don’t give a fuck about opinions.
The “Right wing” is a bunch of racists whose base is a handful of southern states of the old confederacy + a couple states up north. They can claim they aren’t racist but that’s bullshit/lies and liberals know it.
homophobia and anti-choice on abortion are the only things these IDIOTS get elected for but, the tables have turned.
The hispanic vote and the black vote + the vote of at least 35% of liberal whites is enough to SHUT THESE IDIOTS UP.
Obama has already proved that its possible to win if your liberal, even if you aren’t a white male.
Expect a Hispanic president by 2030
December 4th, 2008 at 7:35 pm
it’s almost guaranteed to make him run away.
Lot of B&E gangs CUT the phone lines these days. There goes your alarm.
Plus, having a gun for defense is impractical.
How do you figure? mine are loaded.
you’d have to get the key to the lockbox.
Keyless entry, look it up.
find some bullets, load the bullets
Bullets go in magazines, magazines go in guns in less then a quarter second. Convienent eh? Or better yet you can keep the gun loaded!
If they’re determined enough, they WILL find the gun and most likely hurt someone, of their self.
Hope they can operate an blow torch and other wise have an intimate knowledge of safe-cracking.
and find the burglar, all in the hopes that he’s not armed
You don’t find the burglar, you let the burglar come through the kill zone er…bedroom door where he’s silhouetted and even a blind monkey could hit him. (Crossing doorways is one of the most dangerous aspects of house-to-house fighting for this reason.)
A kid dies every 2 hours in America because they were playing with guns. It’s just not worth it.
and 99% of statistics are invented on the spot!
December 4th, 2008 at 7:35 pm
And there’s a sign on my door that says trespassers will be shot. A dog or an alarm system is all well and good, but best for you to just stay the fuck out of my house.
December 4th, 2008 at 7:33 pm
Holy shit!
Okay, you win, guys - I really wanted to be the one that reads and responds to your comments more personally - but there’s just no damn way I’m going through 400 of them. Just reading the number alone exhausted me. So here, I’ll just respond on these general assumptions:
1. Conservatives are angry because they think I’m misrepresenting them, demonizing them, or building hay people to raise some sort of strawman army in revolt against them.
2. Liberals are angry because they think Conservatives have no right to be angry, as liberal rage is the only morally sound rage. It is also the only rage to go entirely vegan and win the endorsement of PETA.
3. I should probably suck a dick/chop off my dick/suck my chopped off dick.
Got it all pretty well covered?
Good. Then pretty much the only thing I have to say is this: I’m a registered independent.
We only post stuff like this to set you bastards at each other’s throats and then, while you’re all busy barking party lines at each other, we’ll sneak in and secretly take the government away from you, and then turn the United States into a maritime theocracy.
Because that is the real Independent Agenda: Poseidon Worship.
The law of the sea shall prevail, my friends, and when you find your soft, doughy bodies wholly inadequate to the rough work ahead, don’t come crying to me because you wasted all your time fighting in internet comment threads when you should’ve been learning how to tie a decent fucking sheepshank, pansies.
December 4th, 2008 at 7:33 pm
Actually, according to the CDC website, there were 127 accidental gun related deaths in Americans age <1-17 in 2005. That equates to 1 every 68.97 hours…in 2005. Again, you’d better quit just making shit up off the top of your head, or nobody will take you seriously anonymouse.
December 4th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
Oh man, I love the post-election Obama cocksucking frenzy.
Are you people fucking retarded? Obama is exactly the fucking same as your last president. They’re all the same and have been for three fuckin’ decades. You spent 8 years bitching about the Bush administration only to ejaculate wildy when the same exact guy showed up except for the fact that he’s got more melanin and talks pretty.
Fuckin’ wow. Enjoy your NWO puppet.
December 4th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
It’s also a hell of a lot safer for everyone else if he just got A) A watchdog or B) an alarm system. Not only would it automatically call the police, if it’s noisy enough, it’s almost guaranteed to make him run away. The only reason why guys even hold their guns gangsta style is because of fucking John Woo. Plus, having a gun for defense is impractical. You’re never supposed to leave the bullets in, so if someone broke in, you’d have to get the key to the lockbox, open it up, find some bullets, load the bullets, and find the burglar, all in the hopes that he’s not armed, all in the middle of the night! And if you have kids, they get curious. If they’re determined enough, they WILL find the gun and most likely hurt someone, of their self. A kid dies every 2 hours in America because they were playing with guns. It’s just not worth it.
December 4th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
Despite being vastly wrong on a number of points, especially
“mostly out of concern that the new administration would outlaw firearms for private citizen’s use”
(Obama has stated he is in favor or Reinstating the “Assault weapons ban {incorrect usage of the terminology, but whatever} and making it permanent. That is what is driving record sales of these “Killer maniac assault weapons of death which have BARREL SHROUDS and PISTOL GRIPS THAT PROTRUDE CONSPICUOUSLY!” This is listed under his urban improvement plan, not under his section on firearms. He supports firearms use for sporting purposes. Just like it says in the 2nd amendment right?
The worst part of this article is that it isn’t funny. The abomination clip was slightly grin worthy, but would have been funnier listed as an “Obamination” Get it?
December 4th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
***WARNING**** THREAD HIJACK ****WARNING****
US > CANADA > EVERYWHERE ELSE
December 4th, 2008 at 7:17 pm
Oh, and by the way: “Smarter than You”? Any sentence that begins with, or includes the phrase “…here in Canada, we…” should be abruptly punctuated with the response “Shut the Fuck up”.
CANADA? An example? Of what, how to ruin a perfectly good fishing and hunting reserve by trying to make a country of out of it? Christ, you might as well say “Here in WISCONSIN, here’s how WE do it”. Here, take this $10 and go buy yourself an actual country. Or didn’t you notice that physicians are streaming out of Canada, that you might as well try and get a note from the Pope on your birthday as try to get a joint replacement or bone marrow transplant, and that the smattering of people with talent there (hiya, Neil Young) by and large immediately LEAVE: for an actual country, like ours.
Canada: the 51st state that NOBODY WANTS.
December 4th, 2008 at 7:13 pm
@Canadians
Why are any of you even involved in a discussion about U.S. Laws and politics? Oh that’s right, Canada = **Yawn**
Suck it hippies.
December 4th, 2008 at 7:12 pm
@ Anonymouse
Thanks for the stereotype. What I meant by RESPONSIBLE (not respectable) and knowledgeable is that “rednecks” know a lot about guns: types, uses, how to clean them, how to shoot them, gun safety, etc. The people that commit most of the gun crimes are pretty ignorant about guns. Point and shoot is all they know.
Example: My best friend pissed off a guy in the wrong part of town while he was driving, and the guy followed him, waving a gun out of his window, holding it “gansta” style, etc. He was a bigger danger to himself and the driver of his vehicle than he was to my friend. In contrast, another of my friends owns several rifles, two of which he built himself, and can hit the eraser off of a pencil from 105yds away.
Otherwise, you’re right. I don’t want criminals with automatic weapons. Don’t want to make it too easy for them to kill people. However, some people have to live in places where home invasions are common. They can’t afford to live elsewhere. It’s a heck of a lot cheaper to buy a shotgun than a new house in a safe neighborhood.
December 4th, 2008 at 7:10 pm
Actually Nobody’s expecting mass confiscation after D.C. vs. Heller. We ARE expecting a 500% ammunition tax, a new Assault weapons ban, and other such rot. If that seems paranoid go check his voting record in Illinois. He never met a gun-control law he didn’t like.
December 4th, 2008 at 7:10 pm
@Anonymouse
read the comment posted at 11:20 a.m.
That was not sarcasm.
December 4th, 2008 at 7:09 pm
Naaahh. We’re not really worried about the youth enslavement and baby eating and Prince of Darkness stuff. Just more worried that he doesn’t know dick from donuts about market economics, and that he’s an evasive lefty shill. And that I work more and make more than you, and he wants me to share. Which is all WAY more threatening than the above.
December 4th, 2008 at 7:07 pm
heh heh,
no free speech on “free republic”….
December 4th, 2008 at 7:07 pm
@Joe
Sarcasm! Do you get it??
December 4th, 2008 at 7:07 pm
Haha, Oboma.
December 4th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
I read about how homosexuals get their jollies all the time, and it only makes me like them more.
December 4th, 2008 at 7:03 pm
Free Republic pulled the thread that referenced this article.
Pulled on 12/04/2008 3:31:07 PM PST by Admin Moderator, reason:
Language. Don’t post from this site again.
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/2143019/posts
December 4th, 2008 at 7:03 pm
Such lies. I would NEVER dress my troops that tacky.
December 4th, 2008 at 7:03 pm
Gladstone! Love your work on the site, but you fumbled the last sentence of your comment:
“I don’t care if it sounds like a good idea, the government should never force people into action of any kind.”
Really?
The government shouldn’t demand a minimal display of competence before licensing you to drive?
The government shouldn’t mandate paying your fair share in taxes?
The government shouldn’t do everything in its power to force you to not kill that stupid S.O.B. who disagrees with you??
The government shouldn’t force the return of Hate by Numbers?!!!
December 4th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
Vancha’s right. Karate was invented because the gov’t made weapons illegal and became corrupt. Needless to say, the karate masters kicked the shit out of the gov’t, and the gov’t couldn’t do anything because they can’t take away your body.
December 4th, 2008 at 6:54 pm
“Smarter than most of you” actually means “intelligence of a pea pod.” Hey dick waver, you want to ban guns? Isnt it the libs who are constantly talking about a “regime change” here in USA? How do you suppose we can overthrow a “dictator?” With I-pods? Bludgeon people to death with Pam Anderson dolls?
Fing RE RE.
December 4th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
CavalierX: If you don’t have a sense of humor, why are you on a humor website? Brockway wasn’t saying anyone left of Stalin believe Barack Obama is a gun-stealing, white-killing, Muslim terrorist. He was pointing out how stupid THOSE INDIVIDUALS are (very).
As for the gun issue, I’m kind of ambivalent. Hunters are assholes, so I don’t think we should keep guns for them. Trying to fight off the US government with handguns is ridiculous, so the “defend ourselves if the government gets fascist” argument is out. For self-defense, there are non lethal methods just as effective, making guns obsolete (Cracked did an article on some of them, in fact).
On the other hand, guns are kind of cool and I wouldn’t mind going down to a shooting range and blasting the shit out of some targets more often. I know a defense of “yeah, but they’re fucking awesome” probably won’t work in Congress, but it’s how I feel.
December 4th, 2008 at 6:46 pm
So Cracked isn’t a news organization nor is it claiming to be one…so why all the right-wing rage over the lack of articles about crazy left-wing fears? Cracked staffers seem to be a liberal bunch, so deal with it. Or is this one of those things where you need to feel like you only take in right wing media so, much like with South Park, you need to try and pretend it’s conservative?
December 4th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
I can’t believe how many right wing dick heads comment on this site its retarded really. If obama did outlaw guns then America would be a better place. the fact that americans can’t see that is retarded. The only legitimate reason for owning a gun that i can see is for hunting or target shooting which are both legitimate fun sports but owning a gun for safety is one of the most retarded things that i have ever heard of. In canada we have gotten past that kind of fucked up thinking and most people don’t even have to lock their doors because we aren’t mortally afraid of our neighbours bursting in with thier guns so we have no reason to have guns of our own.
December 4th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
yo mr right
“You’re also glossing over the crazy left wing fears about Republicans”
er forgive me if im wrong but isnt this about crazy RIGHT wing fears?
if he was going to do the frankly insane left wing he’d just link to a site about the 9/11 conspiracies and they’d write the gags for me
December 4th, 2008 at 6:36 pm
If “respectable and knowledgeable” means “Hyuk hyuk, got me ma boomstick. Git offa my properteh!” then yes, you’d be quite right.
No, what I’m saying is that rednecks are the ones who lobby the most for guns. The people who use the guns the most aren’t the ones lobbying.
Most catburglars say that the best deterrence is a noisy alarm system or a really yappy dog. If you really think that your neighborhood is so dangerous that you need to keep a gun on your person at all times, then you need to move.
What I think we should do is corner the black market for assault rifles so that criminals cant get their hands on them.
December 4th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
Gee thanks Brockway for writing more shit about morons and then retorting with bullshit. It would have actually been funny if when you contradicted the quotes with facts AND outrageous statements. Instead you take a pile of crap and roll about in it like a chimpanzee.
Sure the right wingers are afraid of having guns taken up. It makes sense. In fact our country was founded by pissed off hicks with guns. Sadly you’re flawed when you state that BO never said anything about taking away all guns. He did. In fact he did so on a few occasions. As a Texan its almost mandatory to own a gun and I see no problem with that. Like others I would be outraged to have someone come and take up something I bought with all of my hard earned souls and anal virginity of innocents. If people are so outraged by shootings then maybe they should do something about the people who commit the shootings. Guns really don’t kill people. People kill people and guns are just a means to an end. Personally id rather use an axe. The smell of a bloody hatchet it the sexiest thing ever.
As for BO eating children…. well I cant blame him. They taste great when double aborted with some orphan tears liberally sprinkled on it.
BO’s idea for giving tx breaks to college students for community service is actually a good idea. Him saying it would be mandatory for all students (high school) is horrid. I remember high school. I didn’t really have time for going out and cleaning the streets and whatnot. I was too busy trying not to do the metric ass tons of homework and working for cash money. Its just really unreasonable to think kids have time for that when they are being sodomized by homework. Plus kids need time to enjoy their youth and not having to pay bills or pay taxes.
Im not sure why people cant make up anything better than “BO will go all gay and ape-shit on us when he becomes president”. Its not at all plausible or funny. Now if it were said that “BO will make Greenpeace a division of the army” it would both be plausible and laughable.
As for the last claim that BO will make the Black Panthers his personal militia, I almost shit myself laughing at how tragically stupid people are. BARACK OBAMA IS NOT BLACK!!!!!! Last time I check the Black Panthers didn’t have any non-black members, so im sure we have nothing to worry about here. What I am worried about are the people who still say that he is the first black president. He is not I assure you. In fact he isn’t even the blackest president we’ve had. Clinton was the blackest president.
I officially quit the Human race and welcome the regime of bear overlords with open arms. In fact its hibernation time. If anyone comes into my den I will maul you like a little girl covered in bacon.
December 4th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
@Jen:
logic? Joe’s statement was almost entirely devoid of logic.(BTW I’m very religious and have no problem with gay marriage)
@Onodera:
Whoops, except the Japanese guys who go crazy and attack groups of people in public with large knives.
@Brockway:
I am definitely a fan. A big, fat, redneck, gun toting, Obama fearing right wing nut job of a fan. Can I build a compound in your honor? We can collect weapons, marry fifteen year olds, and then call the attorney general and tell him to go fuck a llama. Doesn’t that sound like a good time?
@ Anonymouse:You Said:
“Pantera, obviously guns haven’t deterred criminals, seeing as how America has one of the worst crime rates in the developed world (INCORRECT 1). The 2nd amendment is completely misinterpreted by these rednecks(GENERALIZATION). It says that people have the right to bear arms IN TIMES OF WAR(INCORRECT 2). Like, you can have a gun if we’re being invaded(POOR GRAMMAR). Remember, the Bill of Rights was written during a time when America was being threatened with invasion not only from the British(INCORRECT 3), but possibly the French (for Canada)(INCORRECT 4), the Spanish(INCORRECT 5), or Mexicans(DOUBLY INCORRECT 6). If you want proof at how outdated the Bill of Rights is, just look at the very next one, the 3rd amendment. It’s the one that says you don’t have to house an enemy soldier(INCORRECT 7). This ONLY applies to the British during and before the Revolutionary War(INCORRECT 8).”
At each (INCORRECT) I have inserted in your diatribe, you are factually incorrect.
1. US is ranked 47th in the world in homicide rates.
2. the second amendment does not refer to “times of war.”
3. The Rev war ended in 1783, the bill of rights was not written until 1789. At the time, we had already defeated the Brits.
4. The French were allies during this time, which led to the war of 1812 later.
5. The Spanish gave up colonies in Florida, and entered the revolutionary war on OUR side as an ally of France.
6. Mexico was being colonized by westward traveling settlers, who eventually broke away to become the Republic of Texas.
7. The third amendment prohibits, in peacetime, the quartering of OUR soldiers in citizen’s homes.
8. The third amendment was not written until six years after the war ended (see above).
Your score: 0/8 Thanks for playing…………douche.
December 4th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
@ Anonymouse
A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.
Nowhere in there does it say that citizens can only own weapons in times of war. Militias exist in times of peace as well, you know. They’re just not called upon to do anything.
Maybe I’m mistaken, but it seemed that you were implying that rednecks are the reason for America’s high level of crime and violence. That may be stretch on my part, but here’s a fun fact anyway. The vast majority of gun violence occurs in inner cities, where degenerates of all races commit their gun crimes primarily with handguns. Rednecks live in rural areas, and favor rifles and shotguns. Furthermore, rednecks are usually the most responsible and knowledgeable gun owners.
December 4th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
I also love how they think that all serial killers were gay. Just because Gacy was gay doesn’t mean all of them were. Most serial killers were straight and they just got off on seeing dead women. Or dead kids. Pedophilia is different from homosexuality. Though some may like little boys, others like little girls. I’ve also heard the stereotype that all serial killers are adopted. The most famous serial killer of all, Jack the Ripper, liked female prostitutes, and hence, was straight. BTK was also straight. He falls into the category of “getting off on suffering women”. Also, what happened to their stereotypes of gays being pansies? They’d have to be pretty tough to be able to drive a knife through someone.
I also have a hard time believing that as much as 10% of people are potential serial killers. I think the real reason they’re uncomfortable around gays is because they’re struggling with their sexuality.
December 4th, 2008 at 6:19 pm
@CavalierX
“It is the most burgled country in Europe, has the highest level of assaults and above average rates of car theft, robbery and pickpocketing. Only Ireland has a worse record.”
the fuck??
iv lived in both and ireland is a lot better (and yes i checked the link)
and bout gun banning/loving/disturbing sex……
the gun problem in america cant be solved there’s too many guns already out there to make a difference
but id just like to say:
ireland= guns only for hunters
american= guns for whoever wants one
ireland= pop aprox 4,000,000 average murder rate per year 73/75
baltimore= pop aprox 2,600,000 average murder rate aprox 270
and in ireland that includes two seperate gang wars, the real ira trying to start shit all over again, and being a landing point for aprox 1/4 of europes drug surply (in the past year close to a billion euro of cocaine alone has been seized)
December 4th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
Hey, considering some Americans seem to take the constitution like some take the bible, IE pure, unquestionable truth that can’t be questioned. With no more logic or thought than “It is the constitution”. If I was to, aquire said book and make some edits, would those people now demanding the constitution be obeyed also obey my edits?
December 4th, 2008 at 6:17 pm
That’s ok Pneumo, Mr. Right pretty much lambasted this dick of a writer so I feel mucho better.
Also, you should know I pretty much read most shit on here because I have a feeling it will be funny. I tried to take this article in stride, but it sucked so completely I had to vent.
It’s good to know people have a means of talking about the obvious bias of articles. The author comes across now as a complete douchebag. Too bad for him.
December 4th, 2008 at 6:14 pm
I DEMAND that my right to arm bears is NOT infringed upon!!!
December 4th, 2008 at 6:10 pm
Being from a country outside of the US. We have a Baby Ban to stop gayness in its tracks. The statistics are that some babies may grow up to put things in their bot-bots. But it is hard to tell because they look like normal people but they are quicker in the toilet when they go number 2. We can not time everyones toilet visit so Banning Babies is the best way. We also have a dipping program to get rid of coloured people. We do not want yellow, white, black, white racism. So everyone is dipped in green. A nice neutral colour. We are now also starting a policy cutting off pee-pees and nippled boobs so there is no more sexism. Sexism gets in the way of our 12 gun, 6 rifle per person mandatory policy. If you are spotted on the streets carrying less then 5 guns, or are the wrong shade of green, or a colour that is not green, or have an erection with either nipples or penis. You are subject to being shot and your corpse is labeled POOF.
Thats the way of a country that is not USA. Thats how you stop them gay serial killers with different shades of skin.
Green is Good.
December 4th, 2008 at 6:07 pm
also, CavalierX, Fam Guy got it spot on.
Right to BEAR arms.
Nuff said.
December 4th, 2008 at 6:06 pm
ZOMG I’M WRITING IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL!!!!11 I’M TOTALLY SERIAL!!!!111!!!111!11oneoneone
Douche.
December 4th, 2008 at 6:04 pm
Oooooo-K Billy, you need to calm down dude. If you dont like one sided politcal humor i have an idea for you. DO NOT read articles that suggest the right wing dont have brains. Save yourself some angst for when Obama takes your gun.
December 4th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
Actualy, that’s only 112 million convertees. Sorry. Still a whole lot of make-up and perfume artists.
December 4th, 2008 at 6:02 pm
“If you want proof at how outdated the Bill of Rights is, just look at the very next one, the 3rd amendment. It’s the one that says you don’t have to house an enemy soldier.”
WHERE ARE YOU GETTING THIS SHIT? Enemy soldiers? Since when would ENEMY SOLDIERS care about obeying OUR Constitution? The Third Amendment states that Americans can not be forced to house American soldiers without their consent in peacetime, which was commonly done by countries at the time. “No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.” Quartering of troops was never done in an enemy’s home; if anything, the enemy would have been arrested or at least ejected. Don’t you know anything about history?
December 4th, 2008 at 6:01 pm
I’ve just decided to make it my mission in life to make as many men gay as possible. Think about it, if you target only the guys, and successfully poof-ify 75% of them, that leaves like 4 women for every straight guy. And those 4 women will probably look great thanks to the glut of hair stylists and aerobics coaches resulting from 225 million new gay convertees.
December 4th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
Fester, high school and middle school students are already required to participate in community service. At least in my county, they are. You have to do 60 hours of community service to graduate. If you do 100+ hours, you get special honors and a special tassel to hang from the little hat you wear at graduation. In middle school, it’s 30 hours. None of us ever complained because there are already hundreds of scholarships you can get from doing community service. Seriously, are those fat rednecks so lazy as to refuse do a little work? Everyone in my school would brag about how much community service they did. You’d be surprised that even the simplest thing like playing with kids counts as community service. It’s not all picking up trash and shit. Simple things like volunteering at church counts. Since one could go to church every Sunday, and spend about 3 hours each time, your SSL hours would be done in no time at all. Better yet, if you volunteered at the same place as your friends, you’d pretty much be getting paid to just hang out with your friends! Is that so terrible?
Seriously, why are they making such a big deal out of that?
December 4th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
Dear Mr. Cockway
You know why? Because if I wasn’t bashing the entire Repulican base unjustly, you would have no valid reason to bitch.
Oh, and use your logic here, dude: Clearly I’m another of those liberal faggots that are ruining America, so I must be an expert at cock-handling. This being the case, it is incredibly unlikely that I’d make a rookie mistake like choking on it.
If anybody was to choke on cock, it would likely be somebody like you - some inexperienced newbie getting his first violent face-fuck in the greasy stall of an offramp Denny’s, just biting off more than he can chew, so to speak.
This is why I go to Cracked. Make your articles more funny, like this excerpt from your post, and less shitty, like this actual article.
Sincerely yours,
Mr. Right
December 4th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
IT’S GONE TOO FAR BROCKWAY!!!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE???
I think there’s actually people from the Free Republic on here now. Welcome to Cracked guys!
December 4th, 2008 at 5:56 pm
“The 2nd amendment is completely misinterpreted by these rednecks. It says that people have the right to bear arms IN TIMES OF WAR.”
Must be written in that special invisible ink only Liberals can see. Or maybe it’s hidden in yet another emanation of a penumbra.
December 4th, 2008 at 5:56 pm
I’m not worked up over this post, even though its portrayal of FR is about as accurate as saying that Obama is a werewolf. That said, have you ever done a post about the stuff that is said about George Bush, other conservatives and even whole swaths of normal Americans (such as military members, MidWesterners, blacks, Mormons, etc.) at Democratic Underground, Daily Kos and Huffington Post?
While a few Freepers get out of line and lose their stuff sometimes (I’d venture we have many, many fewer nuts than any city that has a similar number of citizens) at the sites I’ve listed above the screaming, bile-spewing nutcase rageaholics are the rule, not the exception.
Let me give you an example: Elizabeth Edwards and conservative radio host Laura Ingraham both found out in 2004 that they had breast cancer. When the Freepers found out that the liberal Edwards had cancer, we started up a prayer thread, and prayed for her to be healed or at least comforted in a bad situation. We were especially concerned about her relatively young children losing their mother.
When the folks at DU found out Ingraham had cancer, they launched threads celebrating her future demise and many of them went out of their way to wish her an agonizing death for the horrible crime of (wait for it…) being opposed to single payer government-run health care. Well, there’s something someone deserves to die horribly for!
Another good apples to apples comparison…look at how many posts on Free Republic say in a serious tone that we will be victimized by the Obama administration in a way similar to the Nazi concentration camps or gulag system. There won’t be many, most of them. Then go looking on DU and Kos for threads about Dubya shipping gays and lefty anti-war protestors off to camps. The difference will be illustrative.
December 4th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
Dear asshole,
You’re being just as bad as you’re accusing them of being by taking the “crazy right wingers” arguments and arguing against something else. (This is called a “strawman argument” or “being a douche.”)
The REAL argument the right makes with the 4 crazy fears is:
1. He’ll ban guns. - He SAYS he’s only for “reasonable gun control” (whatever he defines that to be) but he’s for things like the Assault Weapons Ban. “Assault Weapons” is not a technical term, it’s a term intended to make you shit your pants. Among the criteria used to define a firearm as an assault weapon is “If the weapon is black, it’s an assault weapon.” If you want to argue to limit weapons based on their magazine capacity, rate of fire, or caliber, that’s one thing. But if I can convert my weapon into an assault weapon with a can of spray paint, something is wrong with the law.
2.Mandatory Voluntary Community Service Program - You conflated this with another one of his programs. He said he wants to have a “Civilian National Defense Corps” that is “just as large and just as well funded as the military.” So far, nobody has followed up on what exactly he means by that. Right wingers are suspicious of ANY government program, but over the past 200 years, the military has proved far better at preserving American liberty than destroying it. This new program, doing the same job but without the same track record, DOES creep a bunch of people out.
This is independent of the plan to require students to do community service as part of their college education (and paying for some of it.) The problem with THAT one is that Obama is a guy who trained people in an organization that both caused an economic collapse and committed MASSIVE voter fraud (ACORN). He lists this time as when he was a “community organizer.” If that’s the kind of community service he wants to put college students to work on, people are right to be suspicious.
3. Obama is gay - NONE of those posts actually said that. What they did say is that his agenda in this area is based around telling religions what they can and cannot teach. We’ve got this thing in this country called separation of church and state, but Obama only seems to care about it when he’s being criticized.
4. Obama is a Black Panther - To the extent that the Black Panthers have formal members, Obama is probably smart enough to not show up on any of their official lists. But calling the “Black Panther Party” a “group of politically active African Americans” is more than a little misleading. These guys are militiants that went around killing police officers to achieve socialism. THAT is the problem with the Black Panthers. The problem with Obama is his close ties to them (as the post notes and you completely ignore, one of them paid for him to get into Harvard), as well as with white people who had similar goals (like William Ayers, who BOMBED THE FUCKING PENTAGON).
You’re also glossing over the crazy left wing fears about Republicans (John McCain is apparently in favor of keeping us in Iraq for 100 years AND for legalizing rape AND for legalizing slavery AND for torturing prisoners. The first and last of those are demonstrably false, and the middle two (rape and slavery) are even more blatantly so.)
This was a shitty article, but none of these are the biggest problem with the article. The biggest problem was that I come to Cracked for dick jokes. If I wanted liberals being dicks, I could go to the Daily Kos.
Sincerely Yours,
Mr Right
December 4th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
Onodera: I totally agree with you. BET is pure garbage and I wish African Americans had better programming.
December 4th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
“Those screen caps are from posts at Free Republic.”
Just as I suspected.
December 4th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
First off, requiring public service is really not that unusual. Most western European nations require some form of service from high school/college age students. I think it could help out a lot.
Secondly, why are people so afraid of homosexuals turning everyone gay? Is there some sort of huge appeal to the gay lifestyle that we need to fight? I’m totally serious here. Why is there this assumption that so many more people would become gay if they spent time with gay people? I just don’t get it.
I’m attracted to girls. I like breasts and no amount of hot, sexy men begging me to be gay will change that. Well, maybe for a night or two…
In all seriousness again, I simply do not feel the same way about close guy friends as I do about my girlfriends. I would have no fears raising my kid around gay people because I’m pretty sure you cannot turn someone gay. I don’t want to get into the whole genetic debate about being gay, frankly I don’t know enough about medicine. But I do know there were guys in middle school that everyone could tell would be gay. I know girls who claim to be bi that only end up in serious relationships with men and one night stands with women. My point is a person either is or is not homosexual, and while knowing a lot of homosexuals may cause someone hetero to experiment, they aren’t going to suddenly find themselves in deep meaningful homosexual relationships.
So somebody please tell me, what is so great about being gay as opposed to being straight that would mean that every child will become gay if exposed to homosexuals?
December 4th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
Robert Brockway, don’t be surprised if me and my black-panther led civilian army of homosexual children come knocking at your door. You found us out. Now we’re gonna have to authorize deadly force, like protesting and shit.
December 4th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
“Wake me when righties start accusing Obama of staging terrorist attacks, call for his impeachment on the legal grounds of not liking him, and compare him to Vlad the Impaler”
Are you serious? You’re kidding, right? I would think that the GOP convention would have been enough of a wake up call for the shit you’ve just listed, but maybe you’ll want to take a look at the numerous attack ads and the comments of certain VP nominees during the race.
If you’re being sarcastic with the above comment and I simply missed it, I apologize.
December 4th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
Pantera, obviously guns haven’t deterred criminals, seeing as how America has one of the worst crime rates in the developed world.
The 2nd amendment is completely misinterpreted by these rednecks. It says that people have the right to bear arms IN TIMES OF WAR. Like, you can have a gun if we’re being invaded. Remember, the Bill of Rights was written during a time when America was being threatened with invasion not only from the British, but possibly the French (for Canada), the Spanish, or Mexicans. If you want proof at how outdated the Bill of Rights is, just look at the very next one, the 3rd amendment. It’s the one that says you don’t have to house an enemy soldier. This ONLY applies to the British during and before the Revolutionary War.
December 4th, 2008 at 5:42 pm
The comments are from posts at Free Republic.
December 4th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
I like it more.you are not even a real fag.im upgray3dd and im proud to be a fag
December 4th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
Those screen caps are from posts at Free Republic.
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/2143019/posts
December 4th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
I LIKE ANAL!!!
December 4th, 2008 at 5:38 pm
This is funny … especially after 8 years of “Teh evil ChimpyBusHitlerMcHalliburton is totally worse than Hitler and will shred teh Constitution and is behind 9/11 and the sinking of teh Titanic!!!” What is really funny, is this tard had to dig deep in the right-wing gutter to get this crap, whereas all you ever had to do was check the front page of Daily Kos, DU, Slate, or the New York Times Op/Ed to get the “OMG Bu$h Junta!!!” crap. Wake me when righties start accusing Obama of staging terrorist attacks, call for his impeachment on the legal grounds of not liking him, and compare him to Vlad the Impaler.
December 4th, 2008 at 5:35 pm
Why dont you get some fancy quotes from Daily Koz or some other liberal shit stain of a hole and make fun of those? Oh yeah, that’s right, because Cracked would lose even more readers.
Why dont you leave your one sided political humor or attempts at political humor at the doorstep instead of inviting it in and then proceeding to shove it up your dick hole for our amusement.
Jack ass
December 4th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
In America, there are the crazy right-wing people, and the people who react to them. Your crazy right-wing people are so far out there, that there’s a whole new area of American society: the really really obnoxious smug lefties. Even though I tend to agree with the liberals on most things, I have to say: shut the fuck up, liberals.
December 4th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
Onodera,
Most people who own guns for self-defense do not envision getting in a gunfight without a criminal. Neither do the Criminals
Firstly, guns are not used by criminals in most crimes. So chances are that the perp will be unarmed.
Secondly, part of the point of a well-armed populace is to make the criminal think twice before he tries to rob someone for fear of getting shot. A prison survey revealed that 20% of repeat burglers had skipped over a house because they thought the owner might be armed.
December 4th, 2008 at 5:32 pm
I think some of my family members were on there. You cannot believe the crap I had to put up with on Thanksgiving.
Al Sharpton needs to set these fools straight: http://tinyurl.com/58e8y7
December 4th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
I only ask that Obama does what he demands of others.
“Let me also say that I remain distressed that the White House during this confirmation process, which overall went smoothly, failed to provide critical documents as part of the record that could have provided us with a better basis to make our judgment with respect to the nomination. This White House continues to stymie efforts on the part of the Senate to do its job. I hope with the next nominee who comes up for the Supreme Court that the White House recognizes that in fact it is its duty not just to the Senate but to the American people to make sure we can thoroughly and adequately evaluate the record of every single nominee who comes before us.”
Remarks of Senator Barack Obama on the Confirmation of Judge John Roberts
December 4th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
Donuts, Donuts people and Donuts only will save the economy and the country.
December 4th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
I like how Rahm Emmanuel’s ancestors would not have been involved in slavery because he’s Israeli. Never mind tht almost everyone who lives in Israel (Palestinians excepted) moved there sometime in the last 100 years. Never mind that Israel was established almost a century after the end of slavery in the United States, having been a province of the Ottoman Empire throughout the entire period of North American slavery.
December 4th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
i tried to laugh, really. but there wasn’t any material that was actually funny. i couldn’t even manage a smile.
however, the comic book snippets automatically raised the bar on this article. good job.
December 4th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
*yawn* oh, and *lame*
December 4th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
RABLE RABLE RABLE RABLE RABLE RABLE!!!!
December 4th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
Actually, the use of infrared scans to look for hothouses is pretty common - and there in fact were some British politicans that advocated using them to look for residences that were using “too much” energy (even though people pay for what they use). Ironically, if you used one of these scanners on Al Gore’s house it would shine like the frickin’ sun.
Oh, and Obama’s “public service” plan actually said it would REQUIRE high school and college students to engage in “public service”. Period. It wasn’t until people pointed out that that pretty much directly violates the 13th Amendment that his website revised it to be non-mandatory, and only in exchange for financial aid.
But otherwise your article is spot-on. *very slow clapping*
December 4th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
Keith (and subsequently Inks),
This is a comedy website. This is a satirical article referencing obsurd posts made on a conservative website. It’s not supposed to be representative of all conservatives, only how ridiculous SOME conservatives are. And Of course you could go to any left-wing website and find similar examples at the other end of the politcal spectrum, the internet is an uncensored collection of random people’s thoughts!
The article is blatantly an exaggeration for comedic purposes, anyone who takes it as anything more needs to stop taking cracked.com so seriously!
December 4th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
I thought this article was absolutely excellent. It’s humorous and a parody of rather extreme right-wing posts about Obama. For those commenting on race I think what needs to be said is that race is a complete myth. There is some medical evidence that people with certain skin color are more susceptible to certain diseases (such as sickle cell anemia) but that is completely inconclusive to any linear division of race. It’s not just about commenting on how people are racist that’s the problem here, it’s just as much of a fallacy to say you think “all races are equal.” In a way, while this is a BIG step towards avoiding racism, but you’re still perpetuating the racial divide by supporting the idea of racial division. It’s a theory that is wholly debunked and a complete fallacy, there is only one race of people, and that’s human.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
There’s a difference between the Black Panther Party and the New Black Panther Party.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:56 pm
I can’t believe some people freak out about public service. In Japan, there are no janitors (in schools). The kids have to clean their schools.
I think it’s safe to say that there are no fucked up people in Japan.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
“wuzzman, please post me some kind of proof that Obama has ties with the Black Panthers. ”
I think that whole thing started because his campaign web site had a link to the New Black Panther Party’s web site. But a web site link isn’t like an actual real-life link. Not like his friendship with Bill Ayers or anything.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
@ Joe:
Beautifully put. Unfortunately bigots tend to not be big fans of logic, so I doubt anyone will be swayed. I think you are wonderful though.
@ Brockway:
Please don’t burn down Cracked. How will we all get our daily dose of dick jokes and our monthly dose of overly aggressive political fighting in the comments?
December 4th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
Robert, is Cracked still sharing an office with Google? If so, I’ll bring the gas…
Also, you should be proud of the continuing comments on this board, you may be close to breaking a record. I could be wrong, but I think that at cracked.com, that’s the equivalent of finding the biggest guy on your cellblock and raping him on your first day in the joint.
Without lube, to show those other fuckers that you’re serious.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
Heh heh, anyone who balks at being called an “Uncle Tom” needs to read the book. My brothers use that term to demean other brothers and to insult them. But those that do are the real morons (like u “NotBlonde”). Uncle Tom’s character was a hero. You call me an Uncle Tom and I only decline the label because I am not a hero. But having character and placing someone before yourself by choice and not force is not all the rage these days. You big dummies!
December 4th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
Robert Brockway: HA! I was wondering when somebody would point that out. You, sir, are hilarious. Hillarious? Who cares? You are funny.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
Of course there’s a reason Joe. It’s wrong because the invisible man in the sky who watches everything everyone everywhere does says so. I bet he’s watching me touch myself right now, pervert.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
The fancy word to content ratio in those first couple posts were staggering. I have never seen such an exercise in limited logic and thinking. Using limited sources and he say she say to base opinions on. That was pretty disgusting what some people can think.
And FYI, Obama is still right wing, but centre right.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
Spider,
I told Jack when I took this job: “You know I’m going to burn this place to the fucking ground, right?”
I think he thought I was being metaphorical - like I’m such hot shit that I’ll “burn up” the internets. I fucking meant it, though. I brought matches and everything.
Inks,
Dude, I really, really hope that wasn’t a typo. I hope you just decided to toe the line and be like “fuck it! NIGGER FISH.” That kind of balls-out crazy just has to be respected.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
It’s kind of funny how so many people are anti-gay just because of religion. Many are also anti-gay because they are homophobes who are insecure about their own sexuality. Gay marriage doesn’t hurt anyone, so what’s the problem? The Bible says it’s wrong to be gay, but it doesn’t give a reason. Do you know why? It’s because there is none.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
I, for one, welcome our new gay-Black Panther-serial killer-child army-baby eating overlords…
December 4th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
wuzzman, please post me some kind of proof that Obama has ties with the Black Panthers. Otherwise, please shut the fuck up.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
@ MichaelFurlong: I’m no expert on socialism myself. However, I don’t see anything wrong with it.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
First of all, Keith, he’s not talking about the Conservative movement as a whole. He’s talking about the crazy shit. Like it says in the title. The one at the top of the page. CrazIEST.
Second, I really wasn’t hearing a whole lot from the Mccain camp on the issues either… I just heard a lot of talk about terrorists from the sixties and how “lame” it is to be a community organizer. NEITHER candidate really layed down their views. Strong views and solid platforms apparently don’t win elections these days.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
Uh, the first two fears are justified, to some extent. He DOES want to re-enact the Clinton ban on guns apparantly chosen by throwing darts at pictures, and he DID fully support Chicago’s absolute ban on handguns. Since many of his close supporters in Congress are hardcore anti-gun nuts, one of which admitted that she would take every gun in the country if she could, I’m not sure why that’s a crazy fear. And the youth corp is not just refering to a program for college aid; Clinton introduced the idea of forcing kids who don’t join the military to become his personal eco-army, acting as watch dogs on business, even if they had no desire to do so. That IS slavery; join the military or work 30 hours a week for an agenda you may hate. Is that as drastic as black slavery was? Hell no. But it is, by definition, slavery.
Now, the other fears? That’s mostly homophobia and racism.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
Keith is right, his comment is just lazy thinking and certainly not funny. I demand more funny from you Keith.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
@ Onodera Well, as a Brit I don’t fully know what Obama’s policies are. However I got spammed none stop during the elections about it. I have picked up a few things, and those I have picked up, deffinately puts him on the socialist side to me. IE national health care, maybe not to the extent we have here, but significant none-the-less. There were some other things but I forget. He’s your problem not mine. I just have a pair of eejits (cameron Vs gordon brown) to worry about. I am glad you seem to have a decent person running your country now, I see no short term hope for us : (.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
Ohhh, BIGGER fish than gun control to fry. Whew!
December 4th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
The black panthers aren’t just politically active. In Philadelphia on election day they intimidated white voters into not voting.
They hate white people and no holder of political office should have ties to such a group.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
That’s because gays are 10% of the u.s. population and Christian’s are 70% of the u.s. population…
I certainly hope so.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
And Keith wins it! Someone’s thinking rationally…
December 4th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
I bet there’s more proof that more Christians are murderers than gays.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
Metalbrainsurgery and other illiterate losers whine:
“Way to go brockway, take the most paranoid of all posts from from the most paranoid boards, and then present that as sumed up statement of conservatism.”
No. He didn’t. He took care to always describe them as nut jobs, right-wing, paranoid, etc. Nowhere does he even hint that this is mainstream conservatism. Methinks you doth protest too much (and pay attention too little).
As for why Obama doesn’t produce his birth certificate: HE HAS. And the state of Hawaii has certified his birth certificate. You right-wing idiots refuse to look at the repeated verification of Obama’s natural-born-citizen status. You just won’t let it go away, and then ask why it won’t go away.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
Where did he get these comments? What “rightwing” websites? This seems to me like an example of cherry-picking and letting stereotypes cloud one’s thinking. I am sure you could go to the DailyKos or Huffpo or the Democratic Underground and find some wackie leftwing moonbats spouting about Bush sending us to camps or the evil jews being control of foreign policy.
This guy displays a ridiculous lack of understanding with regards to conservatives.
I guess writing about the following does not lend itself to snarkiness -
1. Obama’s ties to radicals throughtout the last 30 years of his life
2. Complete lack of accomplishment by Obama beyond winning three elections
3. Complete lack of information from him during the campaign as to how he was going to run the country beyond an endless empty “hope” and “change” mantra.
This is just lazy thinking and not all that particluar funny.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
If guns kill people, then spoons made Rosie O’Donnell fat…
Priceless.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
That was a great read! I rarely take the time to comment at websites (reddit.com excepted,) but I had to make sure kudos were received. I also occasionally wander into the murky world of the right-wing nutjobs, but I come out struck dumb and speechless. This made all of my former frustrations worthwhile!
December 4th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
Wow, Becky! That’s… a bit strong, wouldn’t you say? Racism is inherent among ALL races today… People who Voted for McCain purely because he isn’t black are racist, and so are people who voted for Obama purely because he’s black, which is a fair number (At least from the testemonies of people I’ve talked to.)
Get off your fucking high horse and stop pretending like you know how the world works…
God fearing retards, or niave self-centered bigots. Those are your choices, folks!
December 4th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Wow this has been going nonstop all day. I haven’t gotten shit done at work.
Way to keep the fire going Brockway… You, sir, have officially started a shitstorm the likes of which may destroy cracked.com. Lines are being drawn… soon it will spread to other comment sections, then craptions, finally the forum…
December 4th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Koi: Your “Magna Karta” illustrates a point. Every able bodied citizen should be capable of defending his/her country. This means having the means and skill to do so. Granted it would be a “Red Dawn” situation for most citizens to need to do so, but I recall the UK begging for firearms from the US when the possibility of invasion looked imminent during WWII.
And I don’t know how to tell you (and some others) this…firearms are inanimate objects, that means they have no will of their own. They don’t just climb out of gun safes and say “I think I’ll commit an atrocity today.” It’s the mental deficients using them that need to be stopped. If we threw all of the guns and knives and pointy sticks into the ocean, bad people would still do bad things. When legally owned firearms were confiscated after Hurricane Katrina did that stop the crime? No, but some crime was stopped by law abiding citizens legally using their firearms for self-defense. Which by the way, is a right we recognize over here.
If your country can’t trust you with to defend yourself, or even carry a simple pocket knife then your not a citizen. Good luck with that Nanny of yours.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
Well, not impossible, but practically for this administration.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
hey becky! maybe you should of waited longer to say it because your a complete dumbass. By your count, anybody who was raised by church going parents (or as you put it “god-fearing retards”) is a racist. Obviously you are not only a dumbass but a complete retard yourself, either that or just completely ignorant. It was the “God-fearing retards” that ended slavery. Wait a minute, this rant of yours sounds familiar… This is really Roseanne isn’t it?
December 4th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
While Obama himself has nigger fish than gun control to fry, the increase of gun sales isn’t unfounded. Biden is a very outspoken critic of firearm use, and while it is obviously impossible to repeal the second amendment, there are serious concerns that the Deomocratically controlled congress will increase the sales tax on ammunition, as much as 500% according to some estimates. So, yeah, that’s a problem for those of us who like to shoot as a hobby.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
“How can people even think that those are legitimate ways of thinking?”
who knows, maybe they think that thinking that way is a good way to think and because it’s all they think about they think it’s the right way to think.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
MichaelFurlong: I can agree with you on many things, but I don’t think you know what socialism is.
NotBlonde: I can agree with you as well, but I have to side with Aaron McGruder in saying that BET is bad for blacks and race relations in general.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
@ Monger:
Wow, I totally didn’t realize every black person, but you of course, did those things. What a bunch of shitheads, of course racism is totally their fault! Just like how homosexuals keep flinging their sexuality in our faces, what with their “equality” and “wanting to get married”. Thank God for black people like yourself who enjoy the status qou.
As for “BET” and there not being a WET have you watched television at all, ever? The major networks are all WET networks. Most have maybe one show with a major black character or two.
MJK wanted to not have to focus on race either, but until all the bigots out there agree not to judge you based on your race or sexuality or gender or religion or whatever else it’s still a major part of your identity because it has to be. Unless you live in some magical world people have judged you on your skin color and that is a simple fact. As a woman I will still make less than a man in most jobs. Plugging my ears or simply saying, “oh well, maybe if I stop worrying the people who benefit from keeping me down will magically change their minds” is stupid in the extreme. You should be thankful that there are people out there willing to focus on their skin color and what that means so you can sit in your ivory tower and pretend the world is fair.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
I just thought that for all you racist suckers i oughta point out a smidge of easy logic. EVERY SINGLE GROUP OF PEOPLE has really cool people, and complete fucking douchebags. black people, white people, gays, women, republicans, democrats, hell i bet even the whig party had its pros and cons. This is why racism and discrimination are completely lost on me.
The only reason i can see for people being racist homophobes is that they were raised by god-fearing retards.
so that’s my point:
If you are racist, you are an idiot. There is no way you can prove that every person belonging to a group is the same.
I’ve waited so long to say this, and…If you don’t like what we do in this country, then you can git out!
December 4th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
Monger: You are what every other black person in this country calls an Uncle Tom. Though the meaning is a bit skewed (as Uncle Tom is actually quite a complicated character), you get my meaning.
I actually highly doubt that you are actually black because no black person uses the “White Entertainment TV” argument seriously.
Black people are no more racist than anyone else. I don’t obsess about being black but I am very well aware that there are those who do obsess about me being black and will deny me jobs/service because of it. Racism against ANY race is not dead in this country.
There is no “White Entertainment TV” because EVERY channel is White Entertainment TV and has been since television was invented. They just got around to putting black-only shows on tv in the 1970s, a full 30 years or so after television was invented.
It makes sense that there are craploads of whites on tv because there are craploads of white people in this country. The reason why there is a BET and a Telemundo and all those random Asian channels is because we aren’t white and we might want to watch something that we can relate to more. Sure some black people can relate to Will & Grace or Friends (two of the whitest shows on tv) but I think most black people relate more to that stupid Baldwin Hills show or Girlfriends (which I realize comes on the CW).
Anyway, this article was funny. Sorry to hijack the thread, but Moron McDingleberry “Monger” is a complete moron.
December 4th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
it’s the crazies like this that give the rest of us republican-leaning people a bad name. some of us do have legitimate concerns about obama, however, i can assure you that they are not crazy. these people should just form their own political party and get out of mine. i’m glad you specified they’re the “far right,” because all too often these people are grouped with the more sane people of the republican party. unfortunately.
still seriously funny. i love cracked.
December 4th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
@ Monger: amen (I’m an atheist, but you get the point). While I’m glad Obama is presicent Vs McCain and Palin (scary)) I am so pissed off about the media coverage. He is the first socialist president in America for decades, he is one of the youngest as well, he is a first for many reasons, yet all I ever fucking here is “THE FIRST BLACK PRESIDENT, a sign of real progress” if progress is being made, than why is his race and colour the most damned important thing about this election? Secound, he is mixed race, not black. Christ the hipocrysy is vexing.
December 4th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
Anyone who supports gun control (as in no one being allowed to have them) should find someone who owns a gun and ask them to be taken to a range.
GUNS ARE FUN AS SHIT!!!! Don’t believe me? Go shoot the hell out of something, anything…some dishes…a television…OH! A BOWLING BALL! I’ve shot a bowling ball with a .50 caliber muzzle-loader and it was one of the most fun moments of my life!
It goes “BOOM” and then pieces are everywhere. Oh man, what fun…
December 4th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
With any luck all these Right Wingers will try to carry their new weapons home in their pants, maybe take themselves out of the gene pool.
Fingers crossed.
December 4th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
I did not vote for BO. But I’m not a right winger, I’m just right. And you all will see the result of voting in a man with no experience to the office of pres. No matter what color his skin is. And another thing. We blacks are more racist than any other group. All you ever hear from us is what color our skin is. You guys, we will never get past the gap until we stop obsessing on our skin color. I’m black but you don’t see me joining the black panthers, watching BET, etc, etc… Could you imagine a “White Entertainment TV”? Right, thats my point. We would sue the pants off it because it would be “racist”. Hypocrites!
December 4th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
Good point, Rawr. I mean, no straight people have ever killed anybody in a serial manor. Maybe if they were free to express their homosexuality instead of supressing it. Then they wouldn’t have to release their pent up frustration by killing people.
December 4th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
Hey, you forgot the best one (and the one that is actually currently being litigated in various courts of the US of A):
Obama is not a natural-born citizen for some crazy hair-brained reason(s).
If you think these four right-wing fears are based on shaky conspiracy theories, go to obamacrimes.com and your head will explode due to the ridiculousness of it all…
December 4th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
lol so they think that if there were homosexual serial killers then all homosexuals are evil? Wow they must be super Philosophers or something. same thing with the black panther thing that was hilarious. XD
December 4th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
Awesome article.
P.S. I am in favour of banning guns, or at least making the requirements to obtain one VERY HIGH. Guns are dangerous, and should not be as obtainable as a bank account. This is coming from someone who has recently joined the army btw.
@David, I am also a martial artist, and while I am not into the more ornate things, or the lore behind them. I understand the concept of the scholar and the warrior, I always though of it applying to an individual, training both the mind and the body.
December 4th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
YES! I haven’t laughed this hard in a while.
December 4th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
I wouldn’t say Cav. X is a troll, I think he’s just way to stuborn to realize that he’s banging his head against a brick wall.
Being a troll is being a total asshole in order to stir up trouble. For the lulz.
December 4th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
This article really opened my eyes, I had no idea people posted stupid shit on message boards.
December 4th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
@ cmgrace:
I was LITERALLY just about to type that, I actually ‘lol’d’
December 4th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
Haha, best article ever! Right-wings are so funny and stupid, give us so many reasons to love about them! I love you, right-wingers!
December 4th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
Good point secret squirrel. How DID they know to all turn and look at me? Now I’m unnerved…
December 4th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
“Psych! I’m totally gonna outlaw me the shit out of some guns!” and then running around the stage high-fiving domestic terrorists while eating the American flag.”
Greatest line in the whole thing.
December 4th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
“Do you know how inappropriate it is to LOL in a dead silent class with deaf people?”
How would they know?
December 4th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
This made me LOL in my sign language class. Do you know how inappropriate it is to LOL in a dead silent class with deaf people? Do you?
December 4th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
Once again, the comment section makes me lose a little respect for humanity as a whole. Thanks. Except for Brockway’s absolute owning of Horace “Cock Juggler” Anonymous. That was sweet.
Also, CavalierX = Troll.
Not necessarily disagreeing with the things you have to say, but have you considered that maybe it’s time to move on? Maybe go outside? Breathe some non-filtered air?
December 4th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
Holy shit, do you know what “neggarversklaven” means in English? I mean, you added an extra G, but still…
December 4th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
goddamn, this is the funniest thing I’ve ever read on cracked. high five, brockway, high fucking five.
December 4th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
>…but that he does advocate “common sense controls.”
…Unfortunately, this is a political phrase with a great deal of prior baggage attached to it. Google “Common sense gun laws”, and you will find the phrase used by all the premier anti-gun organizations: HCI, the Brady Campaign, VPI, &etc.
“Common sense gun controls” equates to banning guns based on emotional appeal. They select weapons that look or sound scary to the uninformed, and then lie outrageously to implicate them in a non-existent public-safety crisis. It hardly matters whether these weapons are actually used in crime, or even “appropriate for crime” (whatever that means). Nearly any firearm can be described in terms that make it sound like an anti-social weapon. Facts to support these conclusions simply do not exist, and the best science available shows the exact opposite, but why should reality interfere with the subject.
Bush got up repeatedly to declare that “the united states does not torture”. That didn’t make the statement true, did it?
December 4th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
as a martial artist, I find it pretty funny that they took the idea of the warrior and the scholar (something my instructor takes very seriously) and explained the concept so well, then went on to apply it to politics in one of the most retarded ways possible; until politics becomes replaces debates with cage fights (actually… that would be pretty badass) the warrior/scholar concept literally has no place in politics
December 4th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
I said nothing about conspiracy. I did imply, but you inferred.
And I’m not bitter, just silly. So why don’t you just go rub your guns against your tiny genitals. Do the extra guns make you feel more like a man?
A real man stabs! - Chris Rock
December 4th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
wow, you got seriously trolled there
It seems all your evidence comes from obscure unsourced blogs that no one cares about and you’ve wasted a whole 2 hours meticulously analysing it and crying.
December 4th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
People are really stupid. That’s it, I quit the human race. I’m gunna go be a Lion or something.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
“When the GOP took (notice I didn’t say “won”) the White House”
Hahaha… and people like you call the people highlighted in this article crazy, bitter conspiracy nuts. Hilarious!
December 4th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
1) Where is that Fat Hookers article you mentioned? I can’t find it and I would really like to read it. For research purposes. And stuff.
2) You found a picture of Obama eating a hot dog? Honestly, dude…you do own the internet. I’m convinced of it.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
Yeah, that show was the Half Hour News Hour and it sucked. It simply wasn’t funny, because it seemed to focus more on right-wing propaganda than actual jokes. For instance, it would make fun of the ACLU for protecting criminals from people like me. That’s almost a direct quote. That’s not really funny. The Daily Show, while definitely left leaning, is not afraid to jump across the aisle for a joke and really, it’s main focus isn’t right-wing politicians, but the news media itself.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
You know what really amazes me most about the 243 and counting posts on this article?
It shows that Cracked really reaches accross the isle.
Apparently everyone: Left, Right, Middle, Up…. Everyone can appreciate a good dick joke. We need to send Cracked to the Whitehouse. Straighten that shit out.
Let’s face it, the House needs a weekly farting contest, and I think that the dedicated Cracked bloggers are the people best suited to oversee that operation.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
Whoa, hold your horses there, Gemineye…
You mean I can’t post on Cracked from work?
Damn, that just ruins my day.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
“i think he is racist yes because his entire post was about the fact he thinks Obama is not an American.”
That makes no sense. “American” is not a race. If he questions Obama’s citizenship, that’s not racist. Calling such a question racist is, in fact, utterly ridiculous.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
Wait… what? Holy crap. How can people even think that those are legitimate ways of thinking? It goes against logic so hard that it might be a mental illness.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
With out getting into the whole left/right arguement, my biggest problem with this article is: Aren’t Cracked articles supposed to be funny? If I wanted to read what crazy idiots are posting in message boards, I’d go there, not here. This space could have been used to show us more of DOB’s awesome Thanksgiving comic book.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
“There was a post-election gun sale, random240??? Are you FUCKING serious???? ”
Actually, the big post-election gun rush is still going on. Personally, I plan on buying at least two more by the spring. I had planned to get them over the next year or so anyway, but why wait? Although I have to tip my hat to the headline writer who termed it a “gun boom.”
http://tinyurl.com/68748m
December 4th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
You forgot socialism… oh wait, that’s not crazy.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
cavalier x has waaaaaaay too much time on his/her hands. it’s thursday. unless you’re a teenager that just realized the world is unjust, you should be at work.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
Kailey… are you kidding me? Have you ever read DOB’s responses before?
I think Brockway’s response followed the two golden rules of Cracked rebuttles:
1. It was fucking hilarious.
2. It was, in essence, a dick joke. It was eloquently put and delivered with the precise and surgical accuracy of a master of his craft, but the fact that it involved cock? Solid GOLD.
BROCKWAY RULES.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
Jo Anne Says:
“I don’t really care about politics either way, but this article made me happy.And then when I was reading the comments, the happiness left again, because of all these people who are to stupid to realize that this is a comedy site, not a political news website. ”
This is what bothers me. Someone who does not care about politics but is very quickly to call someone or something stupid. And who says that “political” comments should only be put on “political news sites” whatever those are. Besides, there is no greater comedy than our current system of government.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Derek - if you just put a sentence in quotes into google I’m sure you can find the forum and then their e-mail without holding the cracked staff liable!
December 4th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
i think i could have started some more plausible rumors, and im still a teenager.
im going to have to write some angry blog entries…
December 4th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
Wow, a rare miss for cracked. Time to find another new guy.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
tralalala,
not necessarily true, you should see the movie “idiocracy”
INSTANT CLASSIC!
December 4th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
Wasn’t the right-wing daily show called The Half Hour News Hour, or something? It was on Fox. I never saw it, but I heard the writing was terrible, with jokes that were months out of date.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
I don’t think that the last comment from Brockway was necessary - hateful/negative comments are something that the other bloggers tend to ignore, or at the very least respond to with humor and sometimes even a little bit of class. That response had neither.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
Wait, wait, wait… Obama’s black?
December 4th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Just give them some more time, and the retarded righties will inbreed themselves into extinction (or die of stupidity) (or both). And the world will be a better place.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Hey Groo I’m with ya man! Thats why I disagree with this stupid notion that if you like (use/need) guns, your a crazy right-wing nutjob. Or if you think that gay people getting married does not affect me in the slightest, your a limp-wristed left wing liberal. Why are we so fucking gullible??
December 4th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
Sam,
It’s not actually racist saying that somebody cannot be president because they are not American. It’s legally relevant and true. Schwarzenegger, for instance, could not be president, as his parents were Austrian and he was born in Austria, so there’s no chance. However, Colin Powell, whose parents were not American but he was born in Harlem, could be president.
Race has nothing to do with it, merely country of origin. Does it always make sense? No. Usually we seem to err on the side of “let the guy run.” For instance, while not legally accurate, a person is usually considered “native-born” if they were born on American soil or if their parents were Americans.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
I don’t really care about politics either way, but this article made me happy.
And then when I was reading the comments, the happiness left again, because of all these people who are to stupid to realize that this is a comedy site, not a political news website.
Then I read Brockway’s comment to Horace and I was again happy.
I think I like this guy.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
This was great, man. You really found your footing in this one, so hopefully you can keep it up.
I’ll definitely be reading your articles from now on.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Rob: It’s not the same. When the GOP took (notice I didn’t say “won”) the White House, it was a 50/50 type scenario. When Obama took the White House, it was more like 75/25. The right will be pissed, but they can’t be as open about it.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
The right (or at least this right wing crazy) was not so happy with all of the shat Bush pulled. So I’m just assuming I’m going to be unhappy for the next few years again.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
The right tried to make a Daily Show-like show. It was horrible. They can’t be funny, because they sound racist, elitist, etc. Their show seemed to solidify the stereotype set by the left’s comedy.
Ann and Rush were the hosts I believe. Look it up. It’s a little funny if you’re moderate to left because it varifies your opinion of the right. And if you’re on the far right, you might think it’s funny too for different reasons.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
So, I live in the woods in East Texas, and I own four guns.
1 AR-15 semi-automatic rifle which I use to kill (and then eat) Deer.
1 Remington semi-automatic shotgun which I use to shoot sporting clays and the occasional edible bird.
1 Mossberg short barrel pump action shotgun, which I keep unloaded in my bedroom, with shells ready nearby. (I have used this gun to chase off coyotes and the occasional two legged trespasser.)
1 Glock carbon body 9mm pistol, which I carry on my person while I am out of the house.
In Texas, I am required to have a special concealed carry permit (Open carry may become legal again soon).
Also in Texas, If I am at the mall, church, etc, and someone (who is not allowed to own a gun, but does anyway) decides to go postal, I can shoot and injure or kill that person without facing criminal or civil penalty (As long as I can prove that my life or another’s was in danger)
I value these laws. I don’t think Obama will try to directly ban the sale of guns, but I worry about tightened regulations taking guns out of the hands of responsible citizens, and leaving them in the hands of those who would use them for evil.
Does that make me a crazy right winger?
December 4th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
It’s funny because all the Nazism and bullshit is the exact same thing the left said about Bush. I hope that the right is as pissed off for the next eight years as I was for the past eight.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
Which is why men are superior.
I win again.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
mark, there never was a pissing contest, I pee sitting down. Of course I’d lose.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
“This forum is a microcosm of government. With more dick jokes.”
Are you kidding me? Have you ever been to Congress? You can’t even begin to match the dick jokes our elected officials dream up.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
the Right, especially the Religious, make me sick
Americans don’t deserve their freedom
December 4th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
Oh…my…gawd! Mark, that is fucking AWESOME!
December 4th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
Yes, it is funny to make fun of wack job conservatives, but its times like this I wish there was a right wing Daily Show just for a bit of a change (yes we can? no, I guess not). The day of the election here in DC I passed a group of people while getting on the metro, some in group prayer and the rest handing out pamphlets and all were wearing shirts that had a picture of Obama shaking hands with MLK with Jesus standing behind them with his hands on their shoulders.
There be wack jobs everywhere.
I voted for the guy but it still really gets to me the way people talk about Obama like he’s the second coming. ‘That’ just a charterization of liberals by right wingers’, well, to an extent, but listening to people at school and work its like some of them really do expect every blade of grass to be no less than a hundred times greener. I think that road just leads to dissapointment. I know the idea of a popular president is somewhat shocking after nearly a decade of Bush but he