And He Shall Go All Gay on Thee and Stuff
This is the face of terror!
If Obama’s unstoppable army of late-teen community servants doesn’t terrify you, what if I told you that he was actively recruiting serial killers en masse, in an attempt to effectively end the entire human race? Well, you can thank those noble internet watchmen of the Right Wing Forums for the heads up, because they're the only ones willing to bravely report the truth: That Obama is just about to kick-start the apocalypse...by accepting a new non-discrimination policy that includes sexual orientation, and so could theoretically admit homosexuals and transvestites into his cabinet. How long until hell follows with them?
But you’re not afraid of a few slap-fighting, interior-decorating, fantastically-coiffed nancy-boys, you say? Well, I guess you weren’t aware that all homosexuals aren’t just preening Will and Grace extras - prancing about in cable-knit sweaters and fastidiously dusting their upscale New York lofts – no! It’s common knowledge that all gays are actually serial killers:
That’s right: All homosexuals are lethal, efficient, unceasing serial killers.
What, you don’t believe me? Have you ever tried anal?
Well if you had, you would know all about the murderous blood-frenzy that overtakes you immediately afterwards - turning you into a flaccid, naked berserker - murdering and flaying all about you with your supernatural Gay-Rage Strength. Y’know, this mentality really helps to explain the trepidation that the Farthest Right traditionally have about homosexuality – all this time, they’ve just been getting gay people confused with the Incredible Hulk.
Holy shit…it all makes sense now! I’d be against Hulk marriage too, that shit’s an Abomination!
And He Shall Transform unto a Panther of Black…and Hell Shall Follow with Him.
Say hello to your new president, the Black Panther, and his Secretary of State, hellfire.
The Black Panthers are politically active African-Americans, and - hell, do you even need to know any more? Isn’t that enough to be scared of already? Oh, and according to the Right Wing forums, they also desperately want to kill all the white people.
I guess that’s another reason to be wary.
Anyway, the forum members apparently don’t see the Panthers as just another crazy fringe group, but rather have astutely noted that the President-Elect has a few worrisome, unavoidable ties to these violent radicals, such as:
- They’re both black.
- That’s it.
Don’t you see?! It’s all there in the name: The Black Panthers! All panthers are black, therefore…good lord, all blacks are Panthers! You can’t deny that logic!
Wake up, sheeple!
But one brilliant poster has got it all figured out, and unfortunately for humanity, it comes full circle:
It was all tied together, you see – the guns, the community service, the civil rights - his plan was so simple: First, he outlaws all the firearms so that God-fearing Americans are helpless, then he drafts a civilian army of homosexuals and children (led by the Black Panthers,) and proceeds to wipe out all the white people as racial vengeance for slavery! Good lord, it’s a revenge plan two hundred years in the making; so subtle and sinister that it makes Lex Luthor look like a retarded nun by comparison. What can you even do against something that epic, that brilliant, that evil? Isn't there anybody who can fight back?
Well, lucky for you, there is somebody. Somebody that can keep a level head in the face of all this panic and terror. Somebody that can see something this intimidating:
And respond like this:
Yeah, you can worry about finding answers to severe social problems, you liberal pansies - me and this guy have some motherfucking questions
to practice asking. That is, assuming Obama hasn’t already outlawed all of our punctuation.
You can read more from Robert at his own site, I Fight Robots, but honestly? That's probably time better spent fortifying your barricades, for it's almost dark now and the Liberals - they mostly come at night...mostly