SCENE: Christopher “Everyman” Bucholz walks into a Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Oh crap, there’s a line. I should go. Yeah, I should go to Wendy’s. -squints, makes sucking motion through teeth- No. Let’s gut this out. That hankering for popcorn chicken was the real deal. You can’t ignore your body when it sends signals like that.
__
Old man, please know what you want before you order. Holy hell. There is a menu the size of a couch right there. It has pictures of the food on it. This is a menu designed to be usable by gerbils. How the fuck can you be standing in line for 10 minutes and not figure out what you want?
__
How on Earth can you not know how combos work? That is not a new invention. It’s in the Bible. “Land flowing with milk, and honey for only a dollar more.” Remember that? Fuuuuuuuuuck.
__
Oh good. It’s the woman with three kids, and an order for 28 more. It would be easiest to just give her five garbage bags full of chicken, but no, let’s read through your two-page list of requests. Everyone will enjoy that.
__
Please do not let your child use the soda machine. He is four-fucking-years-old. He cannot reach it. And now there’s soda everywhere. What a fascinating intersection of gravity, fluid dynamics and stupidity.
__
Please yell at your child. Let them know they did something wrong! Would you like me to do it? Put me in, coach. I’m ready.
__
OK, this guy’s cool. Two piece combo, pays cash, stands off to the side. Yes! That is how a playa orders at KFC! Do you see that, mouth-breathers? Do you see how simple it can be?
__
That’s great. This guy just saved me like a minute. I’m going to give him a little nod. Let him know I saw what he did there and appreciate it.
__
OK, that seemed to freak him out. I shouldn’t have done that.
__
Every single KFC I’ve been to is like this. I don’t get it. The process of frying the fuck out of something and exchanging it for money is thousands of years old. There’s hieroglyphics of it. You’d think the process would be down. How is KFC so bad at this?
__
Why is there only one cashier? It’s six o’clock. Do they not know that’s when people want terrible chicken dishes? Do they not have some sort of chicken genius with a chicken spreadsheet running chicken regression analyses to map out peak staffing needs? Well how about dinner time? HOW ABOUT HAVING MORE STAFF AROUND AT DINNER TIME?
__
Seriously. They have three cash registers here. I have never seen those other two used. Are they fake? Part of some sort of elaborate tax dodge? Maybe KFC’s a front for something? A better restaurant?
__
Heh, that would be hilarious if some Egypt guy was studying hieroglyphs and saw this one glyph of an old guy ordering chicken, and Horus is standing behind him, tapping his foot and looking pissed.
__
A deleted scene from Taxi Driver, Scorcese reportedly cut it for making Travis Bickle seem too sympathetic.
__
I should have gone to Wendy’s. I don’t even feel like chicken now. Damnit, no. I’m halfway there now. I will follow through on one damn thing in my life. This is not Devry.
__
I should go grocery shopping is what I should do. I could eat three meals for what I’m about to spend on something that barely qualifies as food. I could cram this popcorn chicken up my ass for all the nutritional good it will do me.
__
I should send that in to the Mythbusters.
__
Do not ask questions about the chicken! The person in the paper hat with the 25 minutes of training has no answers for you, fool!
__
Also, you do not want to spend too much time thinking about the food at KFC. That way lies madness.
__
Old Chinese woman, I will beat you with a shovel if you do not hurry up and order. I am not kidding. I can get a shovel. You think I am kidding? I’m not, as previously discussed. Let’s set this up.
__
My special KFC shovel.
__
Oh I get it now. She’s a trainee employee. OK, I feel a little bad for this girl. That right there is a shitty, shitty way to earn $7 an hour. Some people have shitty jobs, but they work outside, or make tips or get to go home not smelling of chicken. Not her.
__
I’m going to tip her. I’ll do it. It will be so cool. She will be all “That’s six-thirty-five please,” and I’ll hand her a 10 and say, “make it eight.”
__
What am I thinking? Trying to tip the 16-year-old girl at the KFC counter, like I’m Reginald Q. Sex Offender. Also, fuck that. This chicken isn’t even worth $2. I will keep my change, thank you.
__
Holy shit, what would happen to Bruce Banner if he ever walked into a KFC? He wouldn’t last 20 seconds in this place. He would Hulk right the fuck out the first time someone asked what their options were for sides. Pants all ripped, leaping on to the counter screaming “SIDES!? YOU DON’T SEE THE HUGE SIGN THAT SAYS ‘SIDES’? WITH THE LIST OF SIDES UNDERNEATH IT? HULK SEES IT. WHAT PLANET ARE YOU FROM? RAAAAAARRRRRGH! -Hulk smashes the children’s sticker machine in the corner and storms off.-
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Finally! Finally made it to the front. What? Where are you going? WHERE ARE YOU GOING HALF-WIT KFC TRAINEE EMPLOYEE? DO NOT GO INTO THE BACK. DO NOT ATTEND TO OTHER CHICKEN RELATED TASKS. YOUR DUTY IS HERE, WITH ME. I WILL MURDER YOU WITH MY MIND IF YOU DO NOT BRING ME POPCORN CHICKEN. - I close my eyes and concentrate. My face scrunches up. A single bead of sweat trickles down my forehead. In my ears the sound of a million crows screaming echoes, as if at a great distance.-
__
Ahh good! The manager’s here. Finally someone with a deep intuitive understanding of the KFC/KFC patron relationship. Why is she talking in static?
__
OK, apparently there’s a lot of blood coming out of my ears. I have to have to sit down until the ambulance comes. I ask for chicken, but they say the 911 dispatcher doesn’t think it’s a good idea. They give me a cup of ice chips instead. I ask if I can get some dipping sauce, and they shrug. What kind do I want? Uhhhhhhhhhhhh. Um. What are my options?
__
This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 5th, 2009 at 4:00 am and is filed under Kentucky Fried Chicken. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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November 12th, 2009 at 2:21 am
…mind that my apparent typo was my indecision on whether to call it Overlord or Overland, since KFC seems to occupy both statuses.
November 12th, 2009 at 2:17 am
Thank you for not hitting on the girl. I cannot tell you how many times I have been hit on whilst working for the MegaChicken Overlorand that is the exact number of times I’ve been creeped the fuck out.
I shoulda known to quit when my manager told me I was too smart for KFC.
October 19th, 2009 at 12:34 am
This is one of the funniest articles ive read on this site
October 6th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
“I should have gone to Wendy’s. I don’t even feel like chicken now. Damnit, no. I’m halfway there now. I will follow through on one damn thing in my life. This is not Devry.”
Almost made me piss my pants laughing.
September 30th, 2009 at 1:03 am
This is just pure genious sandwhiched inbetween amazing sauce, win, rape, corn, and broken glass. And now I’m hungry. You would think reading an article about chicken would make me hungry. Go figure.
Don’t ever stop being amazing, because that will probably mean you’ve died.
September 10th, 2009 at 8:21 am
Cracked writers get paid enough to afford KFC? Sign me up.
September 8th, 2009 at 7:01 am
I came across this accidentally after reading your “Double Down” article. This is hilarious stuff, especially:
“Trying to tip the 16-year-old girl at the KFC counter, like I’m Reginald Q. Sex Offender.”
That made me laugh out loud… and pee myself a little. Great article.
August 27th, 2009 at 7:24 pm
I seriously love that old hulk picture. Every time I see it, my day is made. I mean it, I can go to sleep in peace now.
Another funny article, Chris, your fucking hilarious.
August 19th, 2009 at 5:46 am
Haha that is so typically Canadian, having all kinds of angry comments but keeping it to himself. Hilarious article!
August 12th, 2009 at 6:16 pm
You forgot the customer who cuts in line and smiles as if to say, “Just what are you going to do about it?” Did I mention this guy is a 300 lb. former heavy weight champ who currently works as a bouncer in downtown freaking Detroit?
July 26th, 2009 at 8:45 pm
OMG this is so funny, i had the same shit Yesterday.
So recognizable…
July 21st, 2009 at 6:11 am
I laughed so hard the entire time I was reading this. Brilliant.
“Old Chinese woman, I will beat you with a shovel if you do not hurry up and order. I am not kidding. I can get a shovel.”
… Especially that.
July 13th, 2009 at 5:06 pm
Oh god, I couldn’t tell you how many times I have thought these things. Nowadays, I just say fuck it and take my bike around through the drive through…
July 8th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
“Please yell at your child.”
Yes. I cannot tell you how many times I have thought this.
Also, I love the Hulk knowing where the “Sides” menu is. Beautiful.
June 29th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
That is so brilliant. I have not laughed this hard in a very long time, thank you!
June 25th, 2009 at 8:43 am
wow, this is a masterpiece xD
if you allow me, can i please post this on my facebook notes, you will get every credits, i just want my friends to read it xD
June 22nd, 2009 at 7:41 am
“I WILL MURDER YOU WITH MY MIND IF YOU DO NOT BRING ME POPCORN CHICKEN.”
Best. Line. Ever.
June 20th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
i will the kick the shit out of you so hard scott, you’ll be burning crosses from a wheelchair when i’m done with you. racist fuck
June 17th, 2009 at 7:47 pm
Have you ever seen a stray cat within 1km of a KFC? I’m just sayin….
June 16th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
Nigger.
June 13th, 2009 at 12:58 am
Firstly, I’d like to say that the comment about considering suicide was completely immature and ignorant. Secondly, you assholes who decided to call that girl out for a job she tolerates are completely in the wrong. So she defended a job some people think is below them- who cares? At least she had the fucking balls to do it. She’s working in a fucking BUSINESS. It’s run like ANY other but specializes in fast food. I’m sure there are a ton of people who make a lot of money working for KFC. So just lay off. Oh yeah, and the “nigger” thing… seriously, dude… what the FUCK is YOUR problem?
June 8th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
i must lead a sheltered life….”patrick’s comments” were fairly dumb, illustrating a inability to recognize irony,sarcasm…he wrote “…really humorous…not what happened to you of course…that would have angered me as well, believe me”so he takes this seriously,knowing how angry this normal slice of daily life would make him, not a good sign….it gets worse….. after he tells us he wouldn’t take this type job, i thought he’s fortunate enough to be able to choose….all good will and accumulated humor desolves when he shows himself to an UNAPOLOGETIC BIGOT by writing,”i wouldn’t work there because personally, i couldn’t deal with all of those dumb niggers coming in for chicken all the time”…i live in mississippi and still haven’t heard anyone say something like that in 30yrs…i know some think it, but until now i wrongly assumed that advances in education had at least made all those bigoted throwbacks too embarassed to publicly make comments like that. i guess just because we’ve elected our first black president that we aren’t “beyond race” like some pundits have been fond of saying. i really found this use of the word “niggers” to be as shocking as it is ignorant and offensive.
June 8th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
i hope writing this was as therapeutic for you as reading it was for me……my problem is that almost half the time i can’t help but mutter the same sort of stuff under my breath while in line,swearing not to accidently punish the poor sob working the counter…..after surviving the line a great way to keep people with loud kids from sitting by you in a restaurant…as the mother gets close enough say fuck or goddamn a couple of times,not loudly for the whole room, just her(i live in ms. so goddamn is extremely effective)….99.5% of the time she will take the loud little pigs as far across the restaurant as possible.
June 5th, 2009 at 7:22 am
Also
OMG are you telling that woman to kill herself because she’s a supervisor at KFC!? That’s pretty harsh…
Also
I think Wal-Mart assigns registers to individual cashiers. That makes it easier to track cash, but please don’t quote me on that.
June 5th, 2009 at 7:09 am
Yeah… I’m legally blind and can’t read the menus or the supposed huge signs about things so I usually ask. I can feel the scorn of people behind me when I do it too so I make sure to say loudly, “I apologize. I cannot see very well. Do you have ____?”
It’s not lost on me how annoying that is for everybody else. And as my friends point out, the menus at most fast food places are not elaborate. I really should get off my lazy ass and memorize some of them. The McDonald’s down the street has really got to be sick of seeing me.
June 3rd, 2009 at 12:04 pm
[...] 27 Observations about the Goddamn KFC line I’m in – Hilarious. [...]
June 2nd, 2009 at 8:25 am
ppc keyword research: You only read half way through but still spent time on writing a response…oh the irony!
May 29th, 2009 at 11:37 pm
god damn it, chris. now i want some fucking chicken. lol. people say it’s nasty, in reality it’s wayy beyond nasty, but we all know we will eat it at some pont in our lives again.
as far as old people go in lines? well, they DONT. defintely a problem.
small children should really not be allowed in public anymore, it would save SO much stress. scratch that- let’s make that ANY children. age 13 should be the cutoff, really.
and the bleeding through the ears thing is really sort of just your problem, soo….
wait, what are the sides again???
May 26th, 2009 at 11:31 pm
27 Observations About The Goddamn KFC Line …
Also, you do not want to spend too much time thinking about the food at KFC. That way lies madness….
May 26th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
Kaleigh:
The KFC in my hometown had a buffet, and I had multiple people in the drive thru demand buffets to go. I tried explaining that I could not do that.
I also hated people who demanded refunds because they asked for 4 breasts in a 6 piece, and would be charged extra.
Oh, and this gem “Could I get a mashed potato bowl with no potatoes?”
AAAARGGGGH
“What kind of sides do you have?”
It is not like there is a menu or anything
One woman asked me to read the menu to her in the drive thru because she could not read it.. Terrifying, she was DRIVING!!
May 26th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
My first job was at KFC. I hated it. But everything I know about patience with stupid people, I learned there.
May 26th, 2009 at 9:53 am
is it me or does patrick sound a teensy bit racist/ misogynistic? nope, just me? alright then…
May 20th, 2009 at 4:57 pm
hmm…this is really, really humorous…not what happened to you of course…that would have angered me as well, believe me…but the way you are writing this…the feeling…just really funny to me…oh and, the the lady who wrote something about how hard it is to work at KFC must be kidding…first of all lady, get a real job…trust me, you don’t want to work with a bunch of teenagers so desperate for money that they would be willing to work in a dump like that…i wouldn’t work there because personally, i couldn’t deal with all of those dumb niggers coming in for chicken all the time…
May 19th, 2009 at 7:32 am
Now if you could answer the most famous question for me, why does Walmart have 300 cash registers, yet at Christmas they only open 5 lanes. Also yesterday when I went to the local walmart I was lucky and had 4 lanes open at 5pm.
May 18th, 2009 at 11:44 am
[...] I have been to several a KFC, and I have definitely thought at least half of these observations that this cracked.com writer has captured:27 Observations About The Goddamn KFC Line I’m In | Cracked.com [...]
May 18th, 2009 at 11:12 am
[...] I have been to several a KFC, and I have definitely thought at least half of these observations that this cracked.com writer has captured:27 Observations About The Goddamn KFC Line I’m In | Cracked.com [...]
May 17th, 2009 at 9:15 am
I never used to go inside KFC, I’d always use the drive thru and got excellent service. Sometimes it would take less than a minute from ordering to driving away. My flatmate recently got food poisoning from there though so I’m never going to KFC again. Although I do love their fries and their potato and gravy…
May 15th, 2009 at 10:14 am
i work at kfc, and i thought this was funny.
kfc fucknig sucks d.
May 15th, 2009 at 3:36 am
I stopped reading halfway through. Im have better things to do than read a whole pageful of bitching and moaning.
May 14th, 2009 at 9:05 pm
I like how one of the only things ‘kfc guy’ spelled correctly was ‘mcdonalds.’
AMERICA, AMERICA, THIS IS YOU.
May 14th, 2009 at 5:26 pm
How sad is it that Kaleigh takes her job at KFC seriously enough to defend it from ironic criticism on cracked.com
Not to encourage suicide or anything lady, but lady, I strongly encourage you to commit suicide…or remember for a second that you’re a human being and no human being between the ages of 14 and 114 should ever take a job at KFC seriously.
But the suicide thing is probably easier, so I’d go with that.
May 14th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
ok lady but no one really cares about your low paying job we come here to lagh besides i get better severcie at mc donalds form the mexicans who are probly here ilgely “They touk our jobs!” from south park lolz
May 13th, 2009 at 7:31 pm
Okay, I’m a shift supervisor (soon to be an assistant manager) at a KFC. I’ve worked for KFC for four years and here’s the thing; more than half the time, if it takes too long to get through the line, it’s because of dumbass people who cannot seem to read the menu. They like to argue with the cashiers and tend to try to remind us that “the customer is ALWAYS right.” One thing I have ALWAYS known- even BEFORE I worked at a KFC- is that the customer is rarely ever right. It’s the douche bag seniors, the annoying mothers who allow their children to pick their own meals, and the assholes who feel like arguing about prices and whatnot (when I CLEARLY am not the one deciding what the price of a large popcorn chicken should be) that keep you people in line so long.
Also, yes, KFC DOES run out of chicken. That’s not to say that they run out of it completely, but YES, sometimes it DOES take a half hour to cook up some more. Have you people ever considered that we managers have so many responsibilities that it’s often difficult to make sure we have all of the side dishes, biscuits, pot pies, cash drops, employee breaks and chicken taken care of? It’s not as easy as it looks, people. Perhaps, rather than bitching at KFC employees about everything under the sun, you should try to remain calm and understand that we have a tough job too. Also, when you’re sitting there yelling at us, do you realize or care that you’re holding everyone else up and making other people wait longer than you?
To be honest, I’m disgusted by more than half of the people I’m forced to deal with from day to day. However, this job has offered me a lot over the past four years and I can’t say I mind the job too much. I just wish people would understand that we aren’t emotionless robots- we get stressed out at work just like anyone else. We get upset when things don’t go right- just like everyone else. Take this into consideration from now on before you raise your voice to someone or call them a moron or a bitch or whatever because you’re calling a small mashed potato and gravy a “Mashed Potato Bowl” and, therefore, got the wrong order.
Thank you. <3
May 13th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
that was great! another place to avoid is popeyes on a friday night…especially if it’s the 1st or the 15th of the month..hahaha
May 13th, 2009 at 11:57 am
Fat people eat kfc. I personally hate fat people and kfc. Fuck your option about what I think. You can’t change me.. So suck my fucking balls
May 13th, 2009 at 9:37 am
also, i have tried to murder someone with my mind as well.
May 13th, 2009 at 9:34 am
old chinese woman, i will beat you with a shovel. lmao. classic
May 13th, 2009 at 12:03 am
I normally avoid Cracked stories and bury them in the process, but this one had me laughing hysterically.
May 12th, 2009 at 11:44 pm
Not too bad. Didn’t laugh out loud at anything, and the shovel joke was a little childish. Most of the comments felt like childish attempts to be silly.
It was cute, and a little amusing, but not hilariously funny.
May 12th, 2009 at 9:58 pm
That was awesome man. I can’t stand going into KFC, its like an free trial admission to Guantanamo Bay.
Except with worse food.
May 12th, 2009 at 9:58 am
I liked this a lot.
May 12th, 2009 at 6:59 am
Your article was so great I had to share it with my husband’s college admissions counselor. BTW, he’s going to Devry!
May 12th, 2009 at 5:23 am
Spectacular. This should be a short film or something. The ending payoff was beautiful.
May 11th, 2009 at 9:28 pm
Hahaha. Reginald Q. Sex Offender.
May 11th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
This reminds my why I avoid the place like the plague mixed with aids and pig flu. Between the staff, the shitty greasy chicken and the general smell of the dump, it is dire to say the least. I dont spend a penny in any of the fast food places and in most cases go hungry if am on the road
May 11th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
top notch shit this
May 11th, 2009 at 11:58 am
Lola obviously doesn’t know microwaves cause cancer.
May 10th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
KFC is horrible. Seriously people, cooking is not that hard or slow. Not even in the office microwave. Instead of wasting time driving to a KFC heat some healthy food in your office’s microwave.
Big chains, even Red Lobster and Bennigan’s, are bad for you.
May 10th, 2009 at 11:41 am
Elegant and articulate translations of a rambling mind.
Well played, sir.
May 10th, 2009 at 9:39 am
This is an excellent piece, Chris Bucholz, I am off to read other work by you.. but I don’t think I will find anything better than this! a true work of art. I love it!
May 9th, 2009 at 6:29 am
Can we revisit this comment for a sec..?
‘Once I has a piece of chicken, and it had chicken hairs on it..’
I’m speechless…….
May 8th, 2009 at 5:57 pm
I should send that onto Mythbusters! LOL!
HULK SMASH!
May 8th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
I used to work at a KFC< I quit for precisely this reason, the mornic customers who can’t seem the read the frickin menu.
“No, a meal is different than a combo, the meal doesn’t come with a drink, should I really have to explain this to every single customer?”
Why make a meal without a drink?? It seems pointless, everyone always wants a drink, and I hate asking if they want a drink with that when they order a “meal” when they obviously do want a drink and look at me as if I were the moron and say “isn’t that what you just ordered?”
I hated that place, it sucked out my soul… some of my female coworkers were pretty cute though.
May 8th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
OMFG! This is the funniest goddamn thing I have read in a long time. I’ve had all the same things happen to me. Running out of chicken, how fucking stupid are these people not to order chicken every week. I think the 15 mins. of training is too much, I swear they hire all the rejects from all the other fast food chains who would not hire them. I waited 1 full HOUR one time for a bucket of chicken, I could have fucking cooked it faster at home!!! The KFC in my town finally shut down, the service was so bad nobody would even go there anymore. Fucking idiots..now where will I get my artery clogging chicken from now????
May 8th, 2009 at 8:31 am
Maryjane you big fat chick.. i am going to slap you all the way to hell. you stupid little slut
May 8th, 2009 at 1:59 am
Andy Archer, your a fucking dick’ead! I am now proceeding to kill you with my mind!!!!
I hope you never get laid!
May 7th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
5 garbage bags fulla chicken…. lol
May 7th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
Our KFC ( kill fat chicks ) Has the most hateful employees. Once I has a piece of chicken, and it had chicken hairs on it.. I swear…
May 7th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
i wish my thoughts were this entertaining when i’m waiting for something.
May 7th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
I cannot stop laughing. This is some of the best writing I have read in a loooong time. OMG I love it.
May 7th, 2009 at 11:26 am
Hi-fricken-llarious!!!
Every single Goddamn time i go to KFC, shit like that happens, and I live in Scotland so clearly this is an international problem….
May 7th, 2009 at 3:37 am
Thrash metal album covers are important for making the perfect article.
May 7th, 2009 at 2:50 am
Looks like you guys have become victims of Oprah’s newest purchase… lunch at KFC for everyone in America. If you didn’t print your coupons yesterday, you missed out on a huge annoying line and crappy grilled chicken.
May 7th, 2009 at 2:25 am
I kid you not, I saw this lady try to get her order from KFC for lunch in 2003. The girl behind the register messed up her side order. The lady asked POLITELY for the side she ordered. “No.” Could she exchange her side? “No.” Could she get a copy of the receipt? “No.” Could she speak to the manager? “Hell no!” At that point the lady lost it, reached over the counter, grabbed the cashier lady by the hair, pulled her over the counter, and and it was on. The only thing that was missing was, “I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take it anymore!” I didn’t get a chance to see who won because I had to go back to work.
May 7th, 2009 at 1:21 am
Starbucks is the same.
May 7th, 2009 at 12:40 am
It’s just as bad in Australia. They invariably get your order wrong and you have to do the whole line-up-for-40-mins thing TWICE to sort it out. And the last time I went to KFC, they ran out of chicken. That’s right, they f%&*ing RAN OUT OF CHICKEN!!
Needless to say for my mental (and dietary) health I don’t eat KFC anymore.
May 6th, 2009 at 11:47 pm
I’ve never had service that sucked that bad at a KFC. Perhaps that’s because I live in Kentucky.
May 6th, 2009 at 10:12 pm
DEAD @ “What am I thinking? Trying to tip the 16-year-old girl at the KFC counter, like I’m Reginald Q. Sex Offender.”!!
May 6th, 2009 at 8:13 pm
I’m amazed the article found a way to work in the album cover for “Shovel Headed Kill Machine.” A+!
May 6th, 2009 at 7:56 pm
Does this take place at the KFC at Bloor and Bathurst? I bet it does.
May 6th, 2009 at 6:40 pm
Yo Daddy (ok… I too checked out the site…lol) : http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=15&catid=32&sku=E-CD00279
May 6th, 2009 at 6:40 pm
Getting stuck behind ‘lottery ticket buyer guy’ at a carry-out is equally painful.
May 6th, 2009 at 6:34 pm
Thank you… NOW I feel better. I was gone for a moment… but I’m back now: http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=15&catid=23&sku=E-CD00396
May 6th, 2009 at 6:32 pm
All these stories are nice to read. You know what really gives me the red ass?! You’re in a line-up (fast food, groceries… doesn’t matter)… the customer (ie: douchebag!) waits for the employee to give them their total… ONLY THEN DO THEY BOTHER TO DIG OUT THEIR 3-SIDED, ZIPPERED, PADLOCKED FUCKING WALLET!!! Tonight at Wendy’s… this high-maintenance 20-something Princess ordered I don’t know how many bags of (let’s call it) food, only THEN to go through was could only be compared to a cow’s 4-chambered stomach of a purse… she even have a half quart bottle of concealer on the counter!!! DO ALL THESE PEOPLE FIGURE THEY’RE GOING TO BE THE 1 MILLIONTH CUSTOMER AND GET THEIR PURCHASE FOR FREE?!?! If you ARE one of these people, and you sit stunned with a pickle up your ass whilst your order is being rung through INSTEAD OF GETTING YOUR FUNDS READY… BE FOREWARNED… I WILL PUNCH YOU SO HARD IN YOUR FUCKING EAR, YOUR DEAD GRANDMOTHER WILL FEEL IT!!!
May 6th, 2009 at 6:19 pm
Apparently the spambots have learned to how to troll (”neilsnotes…”). A.I. & Sentient Thought to follow.
May 6th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
I laughed so goddamn hard. My ribs hurt.
May 6th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
Exodus \m/
May 6th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Oh my goodness. That was probably the funniest thing I’ve ever read on this site. And thats saying a lot, because almost every article on here is hella funny.
May 6th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
Visit ejony.com for the free grilled meal coupon in pdf.
oprah and kfc site seems to be going up and down.
May 6th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
Well, as much as I’d love to contribute a thousand stories of customers with single-digit IQ’s, one sticks out: A rather elderly man loudly complaining that he was being screwed around with by “whoever’s running the damn thermostat. I have to keep taking my fucking coat on and off! Stop switching the temperature dammit!”
The kind man was sitting by the door in the middle of January.
Good night, folks!
May 6th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
“Pants all ripped, leaping on to the counter screaming “SIDES!? YOU DON’T SEE THE HUGE SIGN THAT SAYS ‘SIDES’? WITH THE LIST OF SIDES UNDERNEATH IT? HULK SEES IT. WHAT PLANET ARE YOU FROM? RAAAAAARRRRRGH! -Hulk smashes the children’s sticker machine in the corner and storms off.”-
Holy Shit, I’m in pain. Ouch. My sides hurt real bad.
May 6th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
… I hate how KFC stopped having those little parfait things, damnit those were great.
And yeah, KFC has shit lines damnit. My McDonald’s/Wendy’s/Hardee’s has great lines. Quick, easy, good food. BUT KFC NO.
May 6th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
[...] view story [...]
May 6th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
The last time I went to a KFC there was no ketchup. That’s right, no ketchup in a fucking chicken resturant. Assholes, ruined my day.
May 6th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
Finally, someone has realized how stupid people are at KFC.
Also, I went to a KFC that had run out of chicken. No lie. They were so stupid that they didn’t prepare enough chicken for the dinner rush. The same KFC also runs out of sides every time I’ve been there. And it’s always the best sides, like once they ran out of mashed potatoes and macaroni.
May 6th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
Yo Mamma: http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=15&catid=23&sku=E-CD00263
May 6th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
What, is this “Neil’s Notes” douche the new T a l l Min g le douche? Yeah, Neil, I looked. Well done - you found some stupid pictures on the Internet. Braaaavo. NASA should be calling you any second.
Oh, and great article. Finger lickin’ good, no less.
May 6th, 2009 at 11:41 am
Neither can drive worth a shit either! http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=15&catid=23&sku=E-CD00395
May 6th, 2009 at 11:39 am
just addin’ to the love…
good article
May 6th, 2009 at 11:25 am
I love the old man and Chinese lady. I swear, one in four people in the world is one of them. They are not only horrible customers, but horrible people as well.
May 6th, 2009 at 11:23 am
personal account of kfc’s drive thru from this past saturday:
i drive up. they say something along the lines of “would you like to try our new grilled chicken?”. I say yes. I am immediatley informed by the same employee that they are currently out of grilled chicken. i ask why i was offered the aformentioned unavailable chicken. the employee informs me that they are required to say that to all drive up customers as a part of the greeting. i asked the employee what, exactly, was available. the employee instructed me to simply read the drive up menu. i instructed the employee to simply read anything that doesn’t come with pictures on the pages and drove away angry, hungry, and seconds away from a rage blackout.
thank you.
May 6th, 2009 at 10:55 am
I don’t want to read your Twitter god damnit!
May 6th, 2009 at 10:38 am
That was hilarious and sadly oh so true
May 6th, 2009 at 10:32 am
He ‘thinks’ he’s an internet comedy writer, and seeing as he ‘is’ an internet comedy writer…
…well you get my point. You’re an idiot.
May 6th, 2009 at 10:05 am
Shut your fucking cocksucker!
May 6th, 2009 at 10:02 am
This article sucked….didnt laugh once. Guy seems like a bit of a douche himself. ..”half-wit”…please who the fuck does he think he is?
May 6th, 2009 at 9:45 am
That was friggin hilarious…because it is so true.
Geezus, try to pay for a ticket and stand in line as each person, one after another has to explain in detail why its not their fault - Like the goddamn clerk is going to say “ohhhhh, I am so glad you explained that, lets forget the ticket, keep your money, have a nice day”
Keep writing dude, you have a gift.
May 6th, 2009 at 9:14 am
Amazing - I guess she just had some popcorn chicken and (amazing): http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=15&catid=23&sku=E-CD00260
May 6th, 2009 at 9:05 am
THIS IS THE FUNIEST FUCKING ARTICLE IVE EVER READ
May 6th, 2009 at 8:44 am
A long time ago, I worked in a KFC, as a delivery person. Yes, it was a shitty job. Literally a shitty job.
I never worked the cash register, but I used to fill orders, when I wasn’t driving around destroying my car delivering chicken… Anyway, when there was a long line and I’d see people getting impatient, I used to laugh and laugh.
Good times… Good times…
May 6th, 2009 at 8:21 am
TIPS spelled backwards is SPIT! So when I get bad service I just spit in the jar, tell them I’m dyslexic and to lick my balls!
http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=13&catid=10&sku=ENGL-CD00262
May 6th, 2009 at 8:18 am
Tip?? That would lead to another 5-10 min of looking for a picture of a ‘Tip’ on the cash register.
May 6th, 2009 at 4:59 am
The first half of this was very Achewood-esque
May 6th, 2009 at 4:28 am
Good to know!
And thousands of sincere and serious tall people I met on http://tallloving.com are the most amazing people I ever met! they care nothing but real love and chemistry! that’s what we are looking for in today’s world!
May 6th, 2009 at 4:12 am
i don’t think i even smiled
May 6th, 2009 at 4:11 am
I rarely walk inside the place for this very reason. Drive-thru ftw. That way I take it home and watch a movie while eating it. It actually tastes way better that way.
May 6th, 2009 at 3:54 am
I must say, this was brillo
However I must add that it is sad that this is a common human experience in the developed world, it makes me feel a bit ashamed to think I have felt this way when I have other opinions, unlike so many others.
Still, srly people, order and move on! Why do you wish to purposely extend your KFC experience?
May 6th, 2009 at 3:51 am
I worked there when I was a kid. They do run out of chicken, more often than you would think. This article was hilarious. I remember plenty of nights just like this.
May 6th, 2009 at 3:38 am
This is sadly true in about all fast food restaurants. Howver, one of my best encounters was at a KFC. My husband went in to get dinner and patiently waited in line (for 15 minutes despite the fact that there was only ONE other person in front of us inline and noone else). When it was our turn we walked up to the cashier and before we could utter a word, the cashier says “You’re not ordering chicken are you?” What? Omg. “NO PRINCESS WE THOUGHT WE’D GET A PIZZA! It’s too stupid to make up. Btw, the reason she asked was that they RAN OUT of chicken. How are you going to be a restaurant that sells nothing but chicken and let yourselves run out of it?
May 6th, 2009 at 3:25 am
well done very funny…
May 6th, 2009 at 2:51 am
Outstanding … really.
Although it does serve you right for eating that stuff.
May 6th, 2009 at 1:51 am
Lol, I once spent an entire lunch break just standing in line at KFC, having to go back to work with nothing to show for it.
May 6th, 2009 at 1:45 am
As a European I can say with my hand on my heart that the Atlantic ocean and thousands of years of history has made no difference to the KFC experience.
Great article.
May 6th, 2009 at 1:31 am
you missed the worst part: K.F Regret, about 2 bites into the burger
May 6th, 2009 at 12:40 am
Very Nice. Exodus!
May 6th, 2009 at 12:38 am
Now I want popcorn chicken you son of a bitch. And I won’t be able to get some for weeks! WEEKS!
May 6th, 2009 at 12:36 am
I was only in a KFC twice, since they’re pretty scarce over here. We do have McDonalds though, so I feel your pain.
Great article!
May 6th, 2009 at 12:24 am
This was hilarious, although I still blame you for my sudden craving for KFC. My masocistic tendencies are rising to the forefront, it seems.
May 6th, 2009 at 12:04 am
I’ll go try that mind-murdering thing. Being sarcastic to the employees does not seem to work.
May 5th, 2009 at 11:51 pm
By the amount of comments I’m reading it seems that most would agree waiting in line at KFC is a BIG problem…
May 5th, 2009 at 11:19 pm
oh yeah, and that having no chicken thing is really common in australia. It’s great when they ask if you’d still like to order. Yes, my family of 6 will all be having potato and fucking gravy tonight you moron.
May 5th, 2009 at 11:17 pm
whoah, all the way up to and including 25 is literally how about 1/4 of my KFC visits go. Except without mythbusters, never thought of that. But I will now.
May 5th, 2009 at 11:15 pm
I just want you to know that I’ve been in this scenario multiple times.
And I swear, ON MY LIFE, I have been told THREE times at the manager step:
We’re sorry, we’re out of CHICKEN
OUT OF CHICKEN!!!! AT KF-freakin’-C!!!!!
THREE TIMES!!!!!
May 5th, 2009 at 10:53 pm
pretty much
May 5th, 2009 at 10:49 pm
flippin hilarious!
May 5th, 2009 at 10:41 pm
brilliant
May 5th, 2009 at 10:20 pm
Epic.
May 5th, 2009 at 10:13 pm
Hi, how are you today? Allow me to invite you to a cougar dating community ____ Cougarster. C om ____ It’s where mature women and men who like them can meet.
May 5th, 2009 at 9:10 pm
Love it!!!! You and I are one of the same breed: people who spend most of their time wondering why other people are so idiotic. In fact, we ponder so hard about it we hardly ever put our mind to a better use!!!!
May 5th, 2009 at 8:55 pm
As someone who worked in the fast food industry during college, i absolutely love the fact that customers think that employees’ have a fucking degree about every aspect where they work. Asking stupid ass questions that, that have nothing to do with working at a place like macdonalds.
May 5th, 2009 at 8:45 pm
Best. Ever.
May 5th, 2009 at 7:04 pm
Well… that was… very interesting… the way you kept landing comical punch… after comical punch and then went for the KO by knocking yourself out. Do you think you have what it takes to challenge Swaim or maybe even a Dan O’ Brien for their pound for pound titles in their respective corners?
May 5th, 2009 at 6:43 pm
Meh. It was pretty good. Then again, I’ve been reading ALL day… It was kinda funny.
May 5th, 2009 at 6:39 pm
Re: The Hulk
Bucholz and Seanbaby are buddies? Or is the love for The Hulk something universal?
May 5th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
holy shit that sounds like my exact KFC experience exactly 2 days ago..but i was the guy that payed with cash and stood to the side so after that its different
May 5th, 2009 at 6:32 pm
Don’t eat KFC; it makes you think antisocial thoughts
May 5th, 2009 at 6:18 pm
… shit my pants: http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=15&catid=29&sku=E-CD00250
May 5th, 2009 at 6:08 pm
He should have fed her his whole fucking thing!
May 5th, 2009 at 6:06 pm
Aw, Chris, you should have tipped her. The poor little thing.
So, how is the cranial hemorrage treating you these days?
I think we’ve all been there. A huge motivator behind me getting healthy was how much shorter the line for the Pure ‘N’ Natural stand at the foodcourt always is.
P.
May 5th, 2009 at 5:58 pm
EXODUS! thats fuckin awsome! Id say Bonded by blood still their best album but whatever..and Travis Binkle, Thats fuckin awsome!! lol, i love KFC, but just go through the drive through, I like the mashpotatoes…and the corn…and..Ooooh! extra crispy drum stix…crispy is yummy, Ill save the garlic cups from Domino’s pizza and use it on the mashpotatoes…MM…MMM…Gooood! wait the Campells soup, my bad…
May 5th, 2009 at 5:44 pm
@Bree
you should try george st sydney any given lunch time. at least 10 mins wait
May 5th, 2009 at 5:43 pm
I used to work at Wendy’s, and believe me, it’s no better.
We too had three registers and only one was ever used during the entirety of my employment there.
The customers were all indecisive chimps who thought the world would stop spinning and wait for them to decide on what kind of sauce they want with their nuggets.
This article was funny
May 5th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
should’ve just eaten the people in front of you, they are likely to be more nutritious than KFC and they taste better than KFC
May 5th, 2009 at 5:35 pm
Oh my god! Second best thing on Cracked ever.
May 5th, 2009 at 5:18 pm
god damn hilarious.
May 5th, 2009 at 5:11 pm
lol very nice-no weak spots to criticize
May 5th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
Not only does this happen in America, it seems quite common in Australia too. This happens all the time and sometimes, when you’ve only got a 20 minute lunch break, you feel like going apeshit on their asses.
My local restaurant has 5 registers. FIVE registers. The most I’ve EVER seen used is 1. ONE measly register. Through the dinner rush? One register.
The drive-thru line usually takes up the entire carpark with people jostling for a position in it.
May 5th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
This can be any fast food place. All of you do yourselves a favor and cook. I stopped eating this fucking slop and feel so much better in just 3 months.
I thought it was the 2 packs I smoked a day. But no it was the motherfucking Fast Food! I can run a mile now in 7 mins smoking at the same time….
You hear me! Cigarettes are better for you then that shit!
May 5th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
Ahhh, observational humor.
May 5th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
As someone who works at a KFC I can tell you employees are lucky to get 15 minutes of training. And working the register at a KFC is essentially being in line all day dealing with people that if there were any justice in the world the chickens would be eating them.
May 5th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
I go to a Popeyes near my school for lunch sometimes and the situation is very similar. I think the only person there who knows what to do is the lady working the cashier. It’s just nothing short of a giant wreck. My friend waited like 10 minutes for his order at a FAST FOOD PLACE! Fried chicken places must clearly be secretly run by the federal government.
May 5th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
…were you in the same line as I was last Wednesday? I think I was the guy you nodded to.
May 5th, 2009 at 3:43 pm
Holy Shit! Were you with me the last time I went to KFC? I swear to God-if you’re going to advertise a 99 cent menu, at least have the commom courtesy to keep the feckin’ items in the store. I was about to explode myself.
May 5th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
Pure fucking brilliance, Mr Bucholz! I thought this shit only happened in my local KFC, but no…must be a world-wide phenomena. Every thing in your article happens every time I go there, and KFC remains, to this day, the only public place I have COMPLETELY lost my shit in “D-Fens”-style (minus the semi-automatic weapon and glasses).
I swear every time I will never go there again, but the Colonel and his minions draw me back every 6 months or so.
May 5th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
John davis you are so right. I am addicted to those damned biscuits. Bis..cuits…yum….*drools unbecomingly*
May 5th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
…am I on Twitter?
May 5th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
This is one of those things that seems to annoy everyone apart from me. I get annoyed at feet, spoons, abbreviations, and many other things that nobody else seems to care about, but I’m worryingly mellow when it comes to queuing for fast food. That and crying babies. I’m really not fussed about them either. Not compared to TV advertising that makes assumptions about how I live, and then goes and gets those assumptions completely wrong. I could kill a whole town and eat everyone’s skin if that ever happens again, so be forewarned, TV.
May 5th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
I don’t remember that scene from Taxi Driver lol.
I love how they dropped the fried and now call themselves KFC so as not to make you think of how fattening that is.
And now they run those ads calling it Kentucky Grilled Chicken from KFC.
May 5th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
Great article, but you missed one thing. No mention of the fuckstiks who are on their cell phone when they get to the front of the line?
May 5th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
Fucking brilliant. I went there once and stood in line. All of this happened step by step, minus the brain explosion at the end, because I didn’t concentrate that hard.
Jees, I hate that place.
May 5th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
Whenever my bitches want more beef, I always got it 4 ‘em Bro!
May 5th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
I used to work at Arby’s (was a shift manager even!), running out of beef isn’t too uncommon. Takes forever to cook and you don’t wanna end the night with too much leftover beef. It gets busy, you forget to put some in the oven at a more appropriate hour, and you’re like screw it, it’s late, there’s a good chance someone who REALLY cares won’t come in between now and close!
May 5th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
I went to Arbees the other day at around 7pm and they said they were out of beef. So I ordered a chicken sandwich(apparently Arbees sells chicken!) and made sure to check it for pubes, spit etc. It was all pimply lil teenagers working there so I assumed they were fucking with me. You never know.
May 5th, 2009 at 2:36 pm
Awesome. I’ve totally said the same things when standing in line. To myself; not out loud.
May 5th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
yeah i’m never eatng chicken without thinking of this. brilliant article.
May 5th, 2009 at 2:28 pm
I love that you put the Shovel headed kill machine album cover by Exodus up there. It is a great album and a killer picture. Also really funny stuff and it is funny because it is true.
May 5th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
YOU BASTARD!!!
j/k.
May 5th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Ahh KFC lines are great, my favourite game is looking to find the biggest scumbag there.
The best time is either very early (as soon as it opens) with the chronic obese waiting for their latest fix, the guy who’s only just lifted his head off of the bottle and decided he’s hungry, the people who haven’t slept or the skiving schoolkids.
Or, very late at night after a long-ass night drinking. There’s always this sort of drunk camaraderie with anyone else you happen to find in a KFC at 2am on a Saturday night. Despite the fact there is a horrible raggedy fucker in the corner everyone is going to avoid making eye-contact with. The people behind the counter handle his money with salad tongs and gloves.
May 5th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
The local KFC sucks eggs. They added A&W to try to save a failing business, but that has done nothing except mar the name of another brand.
I once went in to order come chicken (before the A&W) at just after 5 PM. You know, the start of dinnertime. The stupid cashier said I’d have to wait 34 minutes (yes, that’s the exact figure). What? 34 minutes? It’s dinner at KFC and you don’t have enough chicken? WTF?
The place is always filthy. The employees are stupid and lazy. The buffet is never stocked.
Another time I went in and the men’s room was closed. A male staffer told me that the toilet overflowed and there was crap on the floor that they hadn’t been able to clean up yet. Thanks, kid.
Oh, I could go on. Suck is the life of food joints in moronic Neosho, Missouri, the land of “you have to ask for napkins at the drive-through or you don’t get them.”
May 5th, 2009 at 2:04 pm
Did you tell her, her twat was too?
May 5th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
I used to sell soft serve ice cream in high school. I had a girl complain about how the ice cream wasn’t cold.
I hate people.
May 5th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
This was really funny. Great job, Bucholz!
May 5th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
devry is for inbreads who want to learn dum dere computahs
May 5th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
This is the funniest thing I have ever read in my life. I am going to email it to EVERYONE now!
May 5th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
Dude, absoutley nothing beats a good kfc biscuit!
RT
http://www.anonymity.ru.tc
May 5th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
Very Pinkerton-esque. Well done though.
May 5th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
…
I want some KFC now.
May 5th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
ahhh that was perfect it slowly got funnier…
this makes me not want to have kfc ever again tho ahahah!!!
May 5th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
The funny thing (or not) is that KFC is giving away chicken and sides for the next week. I’m all up for free grub, but this reminds me why I drink booze instead of eat.
For all those who want it though: http://www.unthinkkfc.com
May 5th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
I always make fun of my friends that have jobs in fast food. I make the same and sometimes more money as them working about 3-4 days a week.
Yeah. I hate going to a fast food restaurant. Most of time it makes me sick. But it is tasty… DON’T YOU LIE!
May 5th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
I’ve worked for years in food service and I have to tell you… customers are idiots.
They can be the smartest people in the world outside but the moment they walk into a place of food service they drop down to an IQ of 0. Asking stupid questions, complaining about pointless things… Subway was the fucking worst, I tell you
May 5th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
I used to work at Wendys in college. You do not, NOT want to go there. Trust me.
If there was only one register open I’d bet cash it was because 5 stooges decided not to show up for work.
May 5th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
” In my ears the sound of a million crows screaming echoes, as if at a great distance.-” you should note here that’s a quote from penny arcade.
http://www.penny-arcade.com/images/2006/20060410.jpg
May 5th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
yet again you’ve mastered the interweb, bucholz.
i bow to you,
and your hilarity,
and your truthiness.
i’ve been sitting at work giggling about this
for a full 10 minutes after reading it.
thank you- that’s exactly what i needed.
<3
May 5th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
popurls.com // popular today…
story has entered the popular today section on popurls.com…
May 5th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
That got progressively funnier. Well played.
May 5th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
Fantastic, laughed out loud the whole way through. More please!
May 5th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
BBQ or Sweet Chilli dingus.
May 5th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
lmao, hilarious. I love the end.
May 5th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
I haven’t been to KFC in ages. Last time I went was years ago, with my family. Everyone except me was out of school/work for days with nasuea, vomiting and diahrea. Guess my iron stomach saved me.
May 5th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
how about 27 observations on the goddamn Burgerking/Mcdonalds line I’m in?
May 5th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
What’s wrong with Devry?
May 5th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
ahahaha the hulk shud have been the climax
May 5th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
Nuff said.
May 5th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
The end was worth the shittyness of the rest of it.
May 5th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
I got to admit it’s getting better, a little better, all the time (can’t get no worse).
May 5th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
… the Staff should voluntarily offer their ass up for a raping!
May 5th, 2009 at 11:58 am
Sadly I’ve experienced everything in this story from both sides of the counter. People seem so surprised when I actually give them good customer service, which kinda says a lot about what they’d expect from fast food (see: nothing).
Incidentally, I ate at KFC for the first time in many years last week. Took ‘em 10 minutes for poutine and popcorn chicken, and I and one other brave/foolhardy soul were the only ones in line. At 5 in the afternoon. Bloody hell.
May 5th, 2009 at 11:57 am
I should send that in to the Mythbusters.
Thank you. that’s all I wanted to say.
May 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
very accurate portrayal.
May 5th, 2009 at 11:32 am
Awesome.
“Maybe KFC’s a front for something? A better restaurant?”
May 5th, 2009 at 11:31 am
If you haven’t already seen this pic: http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=15&catid=37&sku=E-CD00429
May 5th, 2009 at 11:28 am
“What am I thinking? Trying to tip the 16-year-old girl at the KFC counter, like I’m Reginald Q. Sex Offender.”
I basically fell off my chair laughing.
You struck gold with this one Bucholz.
May 5th, 2009 at 11:27 am
… it’s only because you raped your Mother (repeatedly) in a previous life.
Believe me… I know. http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=15&catid=23&sku=E-CD00396
May 5th, 2009 at 11:15 am
You think it’s bad waiting in line, try having to work there it is so much worse, you think you hate the douches in front of you, trust me when I say that the cashier hates them more than you can even comprehend
May 5th, 2009 at 11:03 am
Fuckin hilarious! Simply hilarious!
May 5th, 2009 at 10:54 am
I didn’t get the end, where you so angry you started to bleed?
Still, I laughed through the whole article, specially when the trainee leaves. XD
May 5th, 2009 at 10:53 am
KFC fails. But Those bowls? Awesome. So sue me, i tell people I eat KFC famous bowls via internet.
May 5th, 2009 at 10:51 am
Sheer brilliance here, You hit the nail on the head here good sir.
May 5th, 2009 at 10:49 am
Fucking awesome
May 5th, 2009 at 10:48 am
EXODUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
May 5th, 2009 at 10:36 am
Produce your own article, you fucking loser couch critic!
Fucking hotshot, big mouth, motherfucker!
http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=15&catid=29&sku=E-CD00283
May 5th, 2009 at 10:36 am
Yep, Im pretty sure I have had all those thoughts while in line at some poorly organized fast food place
May 5th, 2009 at 10:35 am
… and it probably took them a while in the back to produce more. I hate it when that happens.
May 5th, 2009 at 10:35 am
Needed more shiny pictures whose relevance could differ and more shiny numbers.
TL;DR
May 5th, 2009 at 10:34 am
I don’t mind KFC, but you’re right in saying that you could’ve had 3 home meals for the amount you pay there. Expensive fast-food.
May 5th, 2009 at 10:33 am
YES!! UUgh, I hate ordering chicken from a fast food joint! I was in Church’s the other day; it took forty five minutes for my order to be made. FORTY FIVE MINUTES. That slashes the tires of the whole “fast food” notion all to hell. Waiting was bad enough, but what made it worse was that they ran out of chicken three times. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?! I honestly felt like I was trapped in one of Dante’s Circles of Hell For The Modern Consumer. At one point, we had to give the girl at the register our ticket, BECAUSE THEY COULDN’T REMEMBER OUR ORDER.
After all that hell, we finally got our food and we go home to enjoy; it turns out the chicken tasted better in my imagination. The wait would have been fine if the chicken were orgasm inducingly delicious, but no, it was terrible.
May 5th, 2009 at 10:26 am
You tell ‘em… YOU TELL THEM ALL!!!!!
May 5th, 2009 at 10:16 am
I hate KFC anyway, I think that what happened to you is much more enjoyable than eating that ‘chicken’
May 5th, 2009 at 10:08 am
Totally! And this could go for any fast food hell one might encounter!
May 5th, 2009 at 10:07 am
Seriously: http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=15&catid=29&sku=E-CD00250
May 5th, 2009 at 10:02 am
Yea, you shoulda gone to wendys. That’s like choosing to stay at the dumpster you are at and look for food in it instead of going to some fancy steak house or something.
KFC is just plain garbage.
May 5th, 2009 at 9:57 am
ya jonboy - we all know closet cases like you like to call people fags - and I knew you were a troll to begin with so I decided to troll a troll. Feels pretty good actually. Thanks for making my day.
May 5th, 2009 at 9:49 am
it’s the same everywhere, not just KFC.
on a loosely related side note, everyday people are stupid. you can’t but wonder what their average day or week looks like. or how they managed to get to 50 yo without falling from a balcony or something.
May 5th, 2009 at 9:46 am
AWESOME.
May 5th, 2009 at 9:41 am
You have obviously never been online at the KFC on 125th & Park in NYC. The worst part is the people not waiting online. You have people harrasing you for change and even a piece of chicken! come on I’m on my lunch break! If I give you a piece of chicken then what am I going to eat!
May 5th, 2009 at 9:36 am
Hey Greg,
This will ease your pain cumming out of the closet my friend.
Take care.
XOXO! http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=15&catid=26&sku=E-CD00299
May 5th, 2009 at 9:35 am
I’m a patient person normally, but when it comes to retail/food lines, I’m ready to go postal pretty quick. You’ve read my mind Chris.
May 5th, 2009 at 9:29 am
Jon your a fuckwit. Go back to /b and quit fucking up this place with your creepy bigot talk. What are you, 12 years old? Yep, I’m a grumpy old ass this morning, but your still a dick.
May 5th, 2009 at 9:24 am
nvm i looked at it again and i guess it’s kinda like it i don’t know about stolen though
May 5th, 2009 at 9:23 am
“I should have gone to Wendy’s”
Funny considering that Dave Thomas, founder of Wendy’s, got his start as a franchise owner of KFC. Shit, Thomas invented the KFC chicken bucket.
Guy in line behind you is probably thinking …
Little arrogant 20 year old, too much testosterone, cock suck, hope they blow chunks in his cole slaw. Go suck down a 32oz diabetes bomb and die of heart disease. Stupid intolerant kid.
May 5th, 2009 at 9:21 am
@vertigo is it a rip off becuase there’s the word “crows” in both?
May 5th, 2009 at 9:15 am
This is every cheap restaurant ever. I was at my schools’ cafeteria, almost passed out from hunger, and this girl was sitting there asking if the fisherman’s stew had fish. Then, she asked if it was wild or not. Then, she asked where it was caught. The whole line wanted to kill her and rape her skull.
May 5th, 2009 at 9:12 am
You pretty much just described every conceivable aspect of our society. Every fucking one. Now imagine those lackwits actually pairing-off and producing their filthy offspring, over and over and fucking over, for thousands upon thousands of years. It’s like a machine that does absolutely nothing other than consume vast quantities of resources for the sole purpose of producing more components with which to consume more resources.
And they can’t even navigate a KFC menu written in foot-high letters, backlit and with pictures.
Whoa, I just gave myself a despair rush.
May 5th, 2009 at 9:08 am
This is an amazing article, made all the better by that Exodus album cover. I’m not even a massive Exodus fan, but I think I need that on a psoter
May 5th, 2009 at 8:57 am
This is one of the best articles I have ever read on Cracked. Holy shit you are right!
May 5th, 2009 at 8:56 am
The people on here who say that’s exactly how the KFC they go to is are the other people in line. They probably take ten minutes to order too. Fags
May 5th, 2009 at 8:54 am
KFC never has white meat any more or if they happen to have it on whatever random day they decide to cook some they never have it in original or extra crispy. I quit trying them.
May 5th, 2009 at 8:54 am
I used to work at KFC, and I used to have the nearly the same thoughts!! When people would ask about sides, I’d just point at the pictures, too angry to speak.
And I can tell you where the cashier disappeared off to: she either went to sneak food in the back because KFCs are so cheap they don’t give you breaks, or she went into the cooler to throw a fit–in the cooler, no one can hear you scream.
That came out way creepier than intended.
May 5th, 2009 at 8:52 am
‘Maybe KFC’s a front for something? A better restaurant?’
And the Hulk stuff….holy shit I’m actually crying at work. This is why I keep that rubber band around my arm…for more cracked.
May 5th, 2009 at 8:51 am
This article is a work of art
May 5th, 2009 at 8:50 am
Hey… does that Hulk have boney witch fingers (something out of Hansel & Gretel) or what?
As seen here: http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=15&catid=38&sku=E-CD00284
May 5th, 2009 at 8:49 am
That was absolutely hilarious. I just wish you hadn’t ripped off Penny-Arcade in observation 25.
http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2006/04/10/
May 5th, 2009 at 8:48 am
I normally don’t comment on Cracked articles, but this made me howl with actual, loud laughter. Awesome stuff (”I can get a shovel.”) Great job, dude.
May 5th, 2009 at 8:35 am
Last time I ate KFC, I puked out of both ends for 2 days. That was 10 years ago. KFC and I are not on good terms. But I almost wish I’d had a shovel in Arby’s the other day when I was watching the goddamn idiot choirboy cashier explain the survey “offer” on the bottom of the receipt to some decrepit old hag who probably DIED before she even got home to take it.
Don’t mess with my lunchtime people.
May 5th, 2009 at 8:32 am
This was one of the most amazing things i’ve ever read
Please, have my babies
May 5th, 2009 at 8:30 am
As the person behind the counter at a fast food place, I get it. I will open my own fast food joint some day, and refuse to serve people who do not read the ‘Guide to Ordering’ I will put up.
May 5th, 2009 at 8:26 am
with michael i do concur.
May 5th, 2009 at 8:19 am
Hilarious article, totally made my day.
Thank you.
May 5th, 2009 at 8:16 am
aw fuck. i think i lost my job due to laughing at this. great work guy
May 5th, 2009 at 8:12 am
KFC makes me fart!
And: http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=15&catid=23&sku=E-CD00260
May 5th, 2009 at 8:12 am
nate13 - yes, that Exodus album cover is really that awesome.
May 5th, 2009 at 8:03 am
only a fellow Canadian can understand the true horror of KFC
May 5th, 2009 at 8:00 am
Man this was funny as hell. Great job as always.
May 5th, 2009 at 7:58 am
Funniest thing I’ve read on Cracked in quite awhile.
May 5th, 2009 at 7:52 am
The woman in the first picture, green shirt, that’s My sister Valerie.
She’s going to be stoaked that she’s on cracked.
May 5th, 2009 at 7:40 am
SIDES!? YOU DON’T SEE THE HUGE SIGN THAT SAYS ‘SIDES’? WITH THE LIST OF SIDES UNDERNEATH IT? HULK SEES IT. WHAT PLANET ARE YOU FROM? RAAAAAARRRRRGH!
Can I get that on a shirt? That would be the best birthday present I’d get, hands down.
-A.
May 5th, 2009 at 7:38 am
Oficially the funniest article I have read in a while
May 5th, 2009 at 7:33 am
I was in McD’s a couple years back. Same crappy wait in line. Then the dip$hit in front of me went complete moron. Asked for the fajitas or something and when he was told that were all out of that he asked “well what else do you have”? Dude, it’s freakin’ McDonald’s. If I was in a coma for the next decade I’m sure when I came out of it I could recite 95% of their menu.
May 5th, 2009 at 7:32 am
I love popcorn chicken.
May 5th, 2009 at 7:30 am
[...] Observations made in line at KFC [...]
May 5th, 2009 at 7:30 am
This was like a nuclear bomb being dropped on a city of civilians, which I think is praiseworthy.
Let’s hang out AverageJoe
May 5th, 2009 at 7:24 am
First of all, if you told a cashier at KFC ar Wendys (or anywhere, really) to “make it eight” they would NEVER be able to figure out the correct change.
Also, the drive thru is WORSE because there is no escaping if you change you mind and decide, NO, I do not want to wait 20 minutes for my chicken. YOu are screwed.
May 5th, 2009 at 7:23 am
Stumbled..
Great post. Could not agree more.
I can’t stand when people act like they’ve never been to a particular Fast Food restaurant
I liked the “guy who gets the 2 piece and pays with cash” part. I think the same thing
May 5th, 2009 at 7:21 am
You think waiting is bad? Try being the cashier. *shudders* I shall never forget the summer that never seemed to end.
May 5th, 2009 at 7:19 am
You just accurately described every fast food restaurant I have ever been in. As a matter of fact, throw in a few drugstores lines and you’re not far off.
May 5th, 2009 at 7:17 am
Yes, this sounds about right. In fact, 100% accurate. While the types of customers mentioned here are found everywhere, the lack of cashier staff seems to be a typically KFC problem.
I go to Popeyes all the time and they’ve -always- got multiple cashiers out — they know their shit! The faster you sell the chicken, the more you will sell!!!!
May 5th, 2009 at 7:06 am
Oh my god - change that to my local Panera (at ANY time of day), and I’m right there with you.
May 5th, 2009 at 7:02 am
OMGosh dude, the Hulk was SO cool!
RT
http://www.anonymity.ru.tc
May 5th, 2009 at 7:00 am
That eXodus cover is absolutely accurate, nate13. I own the album.
May 5th, 2009 at 6:53 am
Great article, really.
May 5th, 2009 at 6:45 am
Another awesome article, very funny! Thank you Chris!
May 5th, 2009 at 6:43 am
Ahhhh C.B.
You either totally miss or totlly hit, and today was a mother fucking Hiroshima. Well done lad.
May 5th, 2009 at 6:37 am
Reminds me of that John Pinette bit about waiting in line at fast food restaurants:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUlf1F05gTA
May 5th, 2009 at 6:30 am
Don’t eat fucking KFC!!!!
May 5th, 2009 at 6:23 am
Great stuff
“I have to have to sit down”
extra “have to”? or emphasis?
May 5th, 2009 at 6:22 am
I work on the tills at McDonalds… yeah it’s pretty much the same set up, only I’m dying of hunger when people throw back perfectly edible chips asking for fresh ones - god I hate the customer…
May 5th, 2009 at 6:22 am
bucholz tuesday
May 5th, 2009 at 6:16 am
I love it!
May 5th, 2009 at 6:16 am
Ha! That was funny! LOL!
May 5th, 2009 at 6:16 am
Gold.
May 5th, 2009 at 6:15 am
For some reason I find threatening to beat someone with a shovel very funny. Also, I’m trying to figure out if that Exodus album has any photoshopping to it, or if Exodus is actually that messed up. Good article!
May 5th, 2009 at 6:15 am
Line rage…it’s worse than road rage because you actually have to restrain yourself from reaching out and shaking the person (people) in front of you!
May 5th, 2009 at 6:13 am
Now I want some popcorn chicken dammit
May 5th, 2009 at 6:10 am
This applies to many places..but KFC works the best here. Enjoyed the read.
May 5th, 2009 at 6:09 am
AHAHAHA OMG that’s definitely what every non-oblivious dumbshit thinks in any line. Absolutely Brilliant; laughed all the way!
May 5th, 2009 at 6:08 am
“Do you see that, mouth-breathers?”
Mouth-breathers at KFC. hilarious
May 5th, 2009 at 5:28 am
Brilliant.
May 5th, 2009 at 5:25 am
This was rather different for you, Bucholz. It was great. Every bit of it was awesome! Thank you!
May 5th, 2009 at 5:04 am
“Chiiiicken goooooood” - Leeloo
fantastic read by the way
May 5th, 2009 at 4:39 am
excellent
May 5th, 2009 at 4:25 am
this is exactly what happens every time I go to KFC, they’re a bunch of dumb asses.. thanks for pointing this out, I wish I had a shovel like yours.
May 5th, 2009 at 4:23 am
This is the best Bucholz article I’ve ever read. Well done.