If you’re one of the biggest douchebags in the entire world, you’ve probably thought to yourself at some point, “I love t-shirts with words on them, but where can I find one to express my vehemently pro-rape sentiments in a humorous way?” Wonder no more, my friend; there’s this new thing called the internet, and you can buy all kinds of stuff on it. Even t-shirts that cater directly to you and your penny-draft swillin’, beer-pong playin’, fag-beatin’ retard friends!
There’s no shortage of funny pro-rape t-shirts out there on the web. In fact, there’s too many! How can you tell which pro-rape t-shirt is the right one for you? With this handy Friday fashion guide courtesy of CRACKED.com, that’s how.
Slogan: Does This Shirt Make Me Look Like A Rapist?
Message To The World: I am insecure in my appearance and need to seek approval from the outside world. I also might be a rapist.
What It Says About You: You are new to the rape scene. While you want to let people know that you’re ready to get into the game, you’re still not sure-footed enough to really effectively do so. Maybe it’s best to stay on the sidelines for a little while - is there a Big Ten university nearby? If so, bring a notebook to any bar near campus and watch closely. Don’t wear this shirt, though - try something with vertical stripes for now.
Douche Factor (1-5): 2
Slogan: Anti-Abortion But Pro-Rape
Message To The World: I think that life begins at conception, and that each of those precious gifts from God is sacred and has the right to live. I also think that rape should be legal - that way I can rape lots of women and not go to jail.
What It Says About You: You are a complex individual. While your pro-life sentiments make you a great fit for abortion clinic protests and GOP rallies, your views on Rapist Rights will make it difficult for you to make friends there, let alone find women to rape. Have you ever heard of Meetup.com? They’ve probably got something for you.
Douche Factor (1-5): 3
Slogan: Serial Rapist
Message To The World: I have raped multiple women. Tee hee!
What It Says About You: You are legally required by the state to wear a shirt indicating that you are, in fact, a serial rapist, but you’re not gonna do it without a little pizzazz! And why not? Just because it’s a court order doesn’t mean you can’t have fun with it! Did anyone say anything about NOT adding a smiley face? No? Then fuck you, court! Obvious next step: tie-dye that sucker. That’ll show ‘em.
Douche Factor (1-5): 4
Slogan: Rape: My Favorite Hobby
Message To The World: I am a rapist, but it’s just something I do in my spare time… something that also happens to be my FAVORITE THING TO DO.
What It Says About You: You approach rape with a playful demeanor, pooling it in with such pastimes as stamp collecting and building ships in bottles. Although the slogan can be taken with a hint of irony, there is also a serious undertone that many women may find off-putting. Frost the tips of your spiky hair to appear less menacing.
Douche Factor (1-5): 4
Slogan: No Means Yes
Message To The World: I love raping women, but I hate tasteful typography.
What It Says About You: You are too focused on rape to pick out attractive articles of hilarious pro-rape attire. If you wear this shirt out to a bar or something, you’re going to look like a real ass. Seriously. There’s no way you’ll ever convince a woman to have consensual sex with you in a shirt like that. Oh, wait… yeah - buy this shirt.
Douche Factor (1-5): 5
This entry was posted on Friday, September 28th, 2007 at 1:36 pm and is filed under Douchebags, Fashion, Rape. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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November 13th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
Hiya!. Thanks a bunch for the info. I’ve been digging around for info, but there is so much out there. Yahoo lead me here - good for you i guess! Keep up the good work. I will be popping back over in a couple of days to see if there is any more info.
November 11th, 2009 at 10:38 am
you also missed out “its not rape if i shout surprise”, “does this rag smell of chloroform to you?” or my personal favourite “dont turn this rape into a murder…”
November 10th, 2009 at 10:12 pm
[...] and I also think this is just sick! Not in the least bit funny AT ALL!! Fashion Friday: Which Hilarious Pro-Rape T-Shirt Is Right For Me? | Cracked.com Seriously… What is the world coming to???? Shelle __________________ *I’ve created [...]
October 10th, 2009 at 4:17 am
Hey man.. real good post + super !!!
September 28th, 2009 at 10:38 am
With information from the news, I am finding a good site which provides free online grant applications.
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:24 pm
The trauma experienced by rape victims is the best part of forced sex.
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:22 pm
Rape is so funny. It’s so great to completely ruin a woman’s life.
July 16th, 2009 at 6:55 am
i guess men’s accessories will look good with any dress you wear. when i attend some wedding, i don’t know the accessories to have so i get the cuff links a friend gave me. i am happy noone notice the design of the cufflinks, i accidentaly wear the male organ design one as my accessory. hahaha
June 30th, 2009 at 12:20 am
I agree with Krysa. Seriously, you guys… these are so tasteless that I didn’t even read this entire page. It just made me too sick to my stomach.
May 20th, 2009 at 4:02 am
I admire you on the willingness to share this info with others - good luck!
February 4th, 2009 at 7:49 pm
you’re a genius
August 24th, 2008 at 11:43 am
“I’m not a rapist , but you’re asking for it” now thats a shirt …
April 10th, 2008 at 1:58 am
I like the pro life t-shirt. its the only one with taste. its a political statement. what free speech is suppose to be about. the others are just an abuse of it.
January 19th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
It’s the smiley that really sells the serial rapist shirt.
THough, I do wish it was more of a =D sort of smiley.
January 3rd, 2008 at 4:45 am
How the hell did you guys miss the “Rape is no laughing matter…unless you’re raping a clown!”? That’s the greatest.
December 5th, 2007 at 11:18 pm
While I understand that you where trying to be a douchebag, I have to say that this is one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Yes, I understand that there is a lot of unfunny crap on the internet, I’m not advocating mindless praise, merely good humor. I fell like shirts like this Make light of the good times millions of rapists have had.
November 17th, 2007 at 10:27 am
‘I will rape you.’ would make the best shirt evarr!
well i’d buy it…
November 15th, 2007 at 10:03 pm
While I understand that this is meant in good fun, I have to say that this is one of the most tasteless things I have ever seen. Yes, I understand that there is free speech. I am not advocating censorship, merely good taste. I feel like shirts like this make fun of the trauma that millions of women have been through.
October 21st, 2007 at 3:43 am
I would definitely wear a shirt that says “Building Ships in Bottles: My Favorite Hobby.” Or a shirt that says “Does this shirt make me look like a builder of ships in bottles?”
Then, when I walk by you on the street, we can share our own secret little joke, that no one in the world with get but you and me.
…and we’ll be best friends.
…forever.