Don’t worry, I’m not going to make fun of Farrah Fawcett for battling cancer. The news of her recent relapse was sad, and I wish her the best.

But I would like to address the latest reports about the star of Extremities and my older brother’s wet dreams seeking alternative medical treatment in Europe. Or at least that’s how its being reported by those who haven’t suffered massive brain trauma. But the good folks at Starpulse.com chose to run the story with a slightly more provocative headline:

Farrah Fawcett Seeks Illegal Cancer Treatment

“Illegal.” That’s some savvy reporting. I mean, why write that a B list actress/A list masturbatory aide is undergoing unapproved medical therapy, when you can imply that Farrah Fawcett hopes to cure her cancer by committing a crime? I’m actually amazed by their level of restraint.

How about Fawcett Claims Snorting Heroin Cures Cancer;

or Fawcett Rapes Puppies Upon Advice of European Physicians;

or 9 Murdered Bolivians Found In The Trunk of Cancer-Free Fawcett?

If you’re going to suck, why not go for the gold?

Last 5 posts by Gladstone

• The Trials of Gladstone (as told by Franz Kafka) - November 1st, 2009
• An Open Letter To American Express - October 25th, 2009
• Adam Lambert vs. Clay Aiken: The Gayest Feud of All-Time - May 26th, 2009
• A Practical Guide To Sexting (For Men Over 30) - May 18th, 2009
• 3 Classic April Fool's Day Pranks! - March 26th, 2009