My core demographic.
So sing, Muse, of a man of many ways, driven on an odyssey across the Internet, of the time he wasted, and the pains he suffered, and the heaps of pornography over which he stumbled. Sing of his longing to protect his fellow man, and of their reckless self-destruction despite his efforts.
The Land of the Lotus Eaters
I ran aground in eBaum's World almost entirely by accident. I was hunting for a gun safety video I did over a year ago and I found a version on their site. It was stripped of the original water mark and the picture resolution looked like Vaseline smeared over a screen door. A little extra time poking around revealed that the entire culture of eBaum's World was built on stolen material, an island in the vast expanse of the Internet thriving exclusively on plagiarism.
"Mine! Oooh, called it."
I marveled at their reverse approach to building a community; they had no language of their own, no morals, no voice and no visible intent to appear necessary in relationship to the world. Their complacency even felt infectious. Watching the videos and reading the jokes, I started to wonder why I would ever want to leave; everything the Internet had to offer was right there. Everything. And if it wasn't yet, then it would be in a week. But pretense fell when I tested the search function: punching "ambition" into the field returned 116 results, punching in "drugs" gave me 4,430. The focus of eBaum's entire world was skewed toward synthetic contentment. The site itself was a powerful sedative and I knew I would waste away if I didn't leave.
I struck out in search of an antithesis to the culture of eBaum's World. I wanted to see passion, even if the focus of that passion was horrendously misguided. What I found was the Drudge Report. At first glance the site seemed exciting, it was littered with links to all over the Internet; a morally black and white social hub of politically-minded intelligence. But I gradually discovered that only one man was responsible for keeping it all moving, and that long ago he was driven insane by his loneliness.
"Show me a damn birth certificate!"
Proving that a man can, in fact, be an island, he filtered everything through a single-eyed perspective. Then, lacking any voice of opposition, he slowly transformed into a righteous, angry giant. Also, he eats people. Just eats them raw. Not in a metaphoric sense where he cuts his teeth on the bones of politicians. He literally consumes human flesh. Don't ever go there.