The most recent Late Night controversy has the internet abuzz, which means one of one thing: It's internet joke season. I thought I'd help out and just do the work for it, like I did during Balloon Boy's internet joke season. Here are all the jokes the internet is bound to make about this whole ordeal. You're welcome, internet.
The "Fake Facebook" Joke
Conan After The DentistAn NBC executive's voice can be heard, but he remains off camera. Conan is sitting in the back seat of a limo.
NBC Exec: So now you know...
Conan: I... I don't feel anything.
NBC Exec: Yeah...
Conan: Is this real life?
NBC Exec: Yeah, this is real life.
Conan: He's had two shows.
NBC Exec: They were good!
Conan: How many does he need? Four shows?
::Conan pulls out a gun and puts it in his mouth::
NBC Exec: Na ah ah ah! Don't put that... Don't put that in your mouth.
Conan: I'm so blind with rage. I can't see anything.
NBC Exec: Yes, you can.
::Conan tries to get up::
NBC Exec: Stay in your seat.
Conan: Do I have stitches?
NBC Exec: What?
Conan: From where you stabbed me in the back?
NBC Exec: DON'T TOUCH IT.
Conan: Why can't I touch it?
NBC Exec: Because it'll mess up the stitches.
Conan: I... I thought I was funny. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?
NBC Exec: It's okay, Coco.
Conan: Is this gonna be forever?
NBC Exec: No.
::NBC Exec laughs ominously::
NBC Exec: No, it won't be forever.
The 2 Kanyes
"Fake" "News"Area Baby Takes Toy Back From Funnier Area Baby
Jizzem, Idahomaha -
-At first glance, the two babies would appear to have strictly physical differences, because you'd only be glancing at them. "That baby has gray hair," you might say, or "The pale baby is taller than the baby with the chin." However, one of the babies is clearly funnier than the other. The problem is it's different for whomever you might ask.
Recently, the gray-haired baby gave the really tall baby the best toy in the word because he promised he would four years earlier. Or, like, his soul did or something. Yeah. Four years before he was a baby, the gray-haired baby's soul promised to give the really tall baby the best toy in the world.
The really tall baby graciously accepted and received the best toy in the world several months ago.
"I regretted it immediately," said the gray-haired baby. "But I promised, and a promise is a promise is a Buttafuoco Buttafuoco Lewinsky Lewinsky Lewinsky. Sorry, what were we talking about?"
The gray-haired baby demanded he still get a toy to play with, though, so he was given a pity toy by the principal of the nursery, Commander Jane Wickles. "Well, he was crying so goddamned much," complained Jane. "What do you do when that happens? I'll tell you what: Give the fucking baby a stupid toy to play with."
Unfortunately, the gray-haired baby didn't play with the toy very well and pretty much broke it. The nursery immediately panicked and scrambled to save the toy. "We wanted to keep that toy for a long time, so we had to take it away before he did any permanent damage," explained Wickles. "The problem is, the really tall baby was doing fine with the toy he was given. Sure, he was still trying to figure out how to play with it correctly, but at least he didn't pretty much break it."
A decision was made to give the gray-haired baby a slightly different toy and to physically alter the really tall baby's toy, thus making it no longer the best toy in the world. The really tall baby wanted to keep the toy he was given, though, because it was the best toy in the world. The really tall baby decided to not play with any toy at all and might even go to another nursery. The gray-haired baby might now get an unaltered best toy in the world.
"I sure do feel like a huge dick," the gray-haired baby should probably say but didn't, because it's a baby. Instead it just said, "Waaaah!" (because it's a baby).
"Fuckin' babies," Wickles added. "I goddamned hate them."
I only thought of one joke for me:
It's biased, sure, but I think it rings true. Of course, I would think it rang true, because I'm being biased.
Oh, yeah! Speaking of bias...
5 Forgotten Late Night Controversies (And How They Couldn't)
7 Unforgettable Late Night Controversies (On Acid (In The Future))
Every Joke The Internet Will Make Make About The (Most Recent) Late Night Controversy