Eight Seven Crazy Nights
You probably know that Hanukkah is a winter festival celebrated by Jews worldwide designed primarily to make non-Jews jealous of its eight nights of presents. (You may also have learned that this jealousy is unwarranted, as the haul of presents usually contains an unreasonably high percentage of socks.) But what you may not have known is that it's also an environmental catastrophe:
The founders of the Green Hanukkah campaign found that every candle that burns completely produces 15 grams of carbon dioxide. If an estimated one million Israeli households light for eight days, they said, it would do significant damage to the atmosphere. "The campaign calls for Jews around the world to save the last candle and save the planet, so we won't need another miracle," said Liad Ortar, the campaign's cofounder...
In an effort to show solidarity with the Chosen People in their campaign to fight global warming and ethnic stereotypes about stinginess, I propose that members of other faiths look for ways to reduce their own carbon footprints, such as:
Mormons: It's estimated that up to 90% of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere is the result of you asking me about God on the damn bus. Let's work on that.
Baptists: Lower thermostat in Hell by 20% in the daytime.
Islamic Militants: Burning George W. Bush effigies and American flags is a significant source of airborne pollutants; why not try our new smokeless solar-powered effigy instead?
Atheists: When loudly parroting the talking points of Richard Dawkins or Christopher Hitchens, be sure to do it in the direction of a wind farm.
Amish: Fewer wood-burning stoves, more Xboxes.
Wiccans: Exotic imported potion ingredients such as "eye of newt" can usually be replaced with fake crab legs; switch to energy-efficient electric cauldrons.
Buddhists: What is the sound of 50% fewer hands clapping?
Zoroastrians: Keep up the good work, dude!
un post interessant sa m'interresse , merci
ReplyOh my i hope you have a great day! The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog. Do you now any free website with manuals in pdf's?
ReplyMerci pour ce post tr
ReplyGreat advice, it's all so pretty. I mean, her, awesome thoughts
ReplyoMG!
ReplyIt seems that you are maintaining a steady blogging pace. Well done! Looking for more updates from your end. Thanks a lot! regards
ReplyThe topic is quite trendy in the net at the moment. What do you pay the most attention to while choosing what to write about?
ReplySteph, generalizing a movement as diverse as Atheism into a single idea is dangerous. There are strong atheists, which you describe, who are those who hold that there is no god. On the other hand, there are weak atheists, who believe that there is no way of knowing.
ReplyThe absence of religion would be irreligion, which involves no strict adherence to a particular religion. Agnostics hold no claim to be religious, and there are religious agnostics, such as Christian or Jewish agnostics. Agnosticism means "without knowledge," and an agnostic person holds that there is no way to know for sure whether god exists or not (similar to weak atheism).
In the future, please give more of a fuck to the people you're shoving into your poorly researched categories.
Actually RDawkins Atheism could be classified as a faith, the faith that there is no God.
ReplyThe absence of religion is agnosticism, also known as Idontgiveafuckism or Couldntcarelessism.
Also buddhist tibetan monks have kept the secrets of levitation for too long. A meditation-powered 747 would save a lot of fuel.
I'd simply like to point out that Atheism is not a religion, rather, the absence of religion. I hope your consciousness has been raised.
ReplyZoroastrians keep eternal flames going in their temples. That's been adding CO2 to the atmosphere for what, 3000 or so years?
ReplyI just came here to say funbags, but I see Nick has already pointed it out. I've always thought it was one word, not two. Perhaps it should be hyphenated? Well, better minds than I can debate that.
ReplyFunny post.
ReplyBusoms, melons, milk factories, busts, fun bags, knockers, boobies, jugs, nipples, jubblies, stonking great tits!
-Yahtzee; Zero Punctuation review of Lara Croft Aniversary
Ssh, Ian! You'll ruin all the interesting propaganda that Sam has learned from Republican radio shows! Everyone knows Al Gore started this global warming rumor 25 years ago for all the spoils that go with it.
ReplyThe fact that we breathe out CO2 and the fact that excess CO2 from burning fossil fuels is bad for the planet are not mutually exclusive. Oh, uh, mammary glands.
ReplyI meant to say this blog entry was really funny, THEN say "tits!". I never do things in the proper order, even when the right one is abundantly clear.
ReplyTits!
ReplyI'm all for conservation, but when you complain about facism and campaign against it, then start telling people what to do and what to think 'because it's good for the planet,' you're a massive hypocrite.
ReplyBut, political points aside, this is a humour site, so.
Boobies boobies boobies :-D
Do i get negative brownie points for having no idea what you're referencing?
ReplyHave any of you recently seen a poster in a hospital gown? His name is Andy and he's escaped from the Sarcastic Asshole ward over at the asylum. We think he might be trying to post agai...damn, too late.
Reply