Cracked Columnists

Dr. Phil Rhymes With "A Jackass." Wait, Not Rhymes. Is.

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So by now you've heard all about Britney's mental collapse. You've probably also heard that Dr. Phil with absolutely no clearance from Britney was allowed to visit her in the hospital. Real life mental health practitioners have uniformly condemned Dr. Phil for the sabotage. If you think Phil had nobler, treatment-based intentions, then its kind of odd to think he would violate patient/physician privilege by blabbing all about his diagnosis to the press.

But theres another problem here. Why would Cedars-SinaiMedicalCenter even allow an unsolicited visitor to a sick woman in the first place? Many feel, the Hospital succumbed, inappropriately, to Dr. Phils celebrity request for admission over the rights of its patient. Unfortunately, as indicated by this well-researched list, Cedars has quite a history of playing fast and loose with visiting rules when it comes to celebrity callers:

After Owen Wilsons suicide attempt, the Hospital allows access to MichaelBay who then pitches Armageddon IIOscars story. Bay is finally asked to leave when Wilson starts biting at his stitches.

Lindsay Lohan is rushed to Cedars with a disabling infestation of crabs. Against all protocol, Cedars grants visiting rights to the Gortons Fisherman

After undergoing 7 hours of painful English Accent transplant surgery, Madonna is swarmed upon by her last five remaining fans: the cast of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.

Michael Moore suffering from diabetes, ischemic stroke, and severe cardiac stenosis is admitted to the Cedars ER whereby the entire medical and pharmaceutical industry is granted access to proclaim, Whos your Daddy, now?

After Anna Nicole Smith arrives at Cedars DOA, the deceased and buxom starlet is greeted by Dr. Phil who declares, Damn. Better get here earlier next time, cops a feel, and then leaves.

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Gladstone writes for Cracked and others. Go to Wayne Gladstone Lives in Maine to see all his published stuff, links to his other worthless endeavors, and his full name and state of residence.