DOB Column Postponed
That's right, folks, you heard it here first (or, alternatively, in The Guardian). Due to time constraints related to this week's column, the Friday DOB article is the Saturday DOB article for this week only. (Editor's Note: DOB's column will now be running Monday. This was not his decision. His column is complete, and I am in fact rubbing it all over my nude body as I type this, so excuse any typos. - Jack) To suggest that my column is only late because I spent Thursday eating nachos and screaming at the basketball players on my television is positively ludicrous, and you open yourself up to legal action if you even consider that as a possibility.
In the meantime, I suggest that you take this opportunity to discuss and/or celebrate boobs in the comment section. Aren't they great? They're really special, all the time.
UPDATE:
Looks like the column will be landing around Monday. So. That.
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Replyjesus, ive seen that picture of those boobs so many times (mostly on this site). im willing to bet its the most popular picture of boobs on the internet. i wonder who the owner of those ubiqutous boobies is now, and whether she knows that they're all over the web.
ReplyShe actually has a neck and a head. And a name. It's Kate.
Does "Kate" have a website?
I like boobies.
Reply( insert some stupid shit here )
Replyninjas can never be sexy.... because if they had big boobs they would be off balance :(
Replysad but true
I think he's actually nailed it. The Daily Mail should just one day print a headline that says 'Immigrants forcing us into Europe to raise taxes' so they can be done with it.
ReplyDH - you don't live in the UK or know anything about it's newspapers do you?
ReplyPLEASE don't say you read the Guardian! There are 2 extremist papers in the UK - The Daily Mail (far right) and The Guardian (Far Left). Both are just excuses to publish propoganda...
ReplyOk everyone! Whining time is over! Is DOB ok? Something might have happened too him, seriously.
ReplyGet well soon DOB!
POST IT'S MONDAY
ReplyOh, DOB, waiting for your column makes me sad. :(
ReplyIt also makes me excited for Monday, which makes me all kinds of uncomfortable.
Who is kidding who? DOB gave us a clue: (.Y.)
ReplyHe's getting some action! It warms my heart he's feeling boobies. Blaming it on basketball(or whatnot) was merely a diversion. I would rather have him snuggled up caressing breasts than read why Land of the Lost sucked or why some tweener fad is inane. Go Dan!
Oh god, we all know what DOB means when he says "legal action"...
ReplyIf seanbaby is ever late like this I will cut you, Cracked. And I don't mean the "you're off the team, fatty" kind of cut you. I mean "mexican in a dark alley" cut you.
ReplyAlso, I demand a seanbaby action figure where the hair is made of his hair and when I brush it he tells me he loves me.
Also, don't judge me.
Fantastic, sir.
Liar ! Whats your excuse this time? Rubbing one out to a repeat of SNL's season finale? Get your stuff together Statch.
ReplyWTF
Gifs is a district of the island nation of Mambul, a militant nation ruled by a dictator named Teodora Maquell. It's inhabitants tend to be dark-haired, full-lipped and slender; this is regrettably balanced by their tendency to excessive body hair. Don't worry, they wax. The men too. It gets a little awkward if you're not used to it. The ladies do, indeed, have some pretty sweet boobs, though their very dark red nipples may be an acquired taste? That pun was totally intended.
ReplyThe climate is warm and sunny; even in winter it rarely drops below sixty-five degrees. The island is mostly covered in a species of grass noted for it's fast growth, and the shores are covered in date palms and coconut palms. Toward the middle of the island farmers grow pineapples, sugarcane, and somewhat incongruously, potatoes, among other crops. The surrounding waters are home to the infamous sharktopus, which is in fact just what it sounds like.
They used to have a thriving sex tourism industry, partly because of the government's tacit acceptance of the income. This stems from the popularity of nude beaches, the fact that their legal age of consent is 14 for girls and 12 for guys, and their notoriously low alchohol tolerance. Put this together with the fact that almost none of the girls there would find anything weird about a threesome with their sister and you've got a pervert's paradise.
Perhaps unfortunately, some years ago a man named Ferdano Maquell (or Maqell, different people spell it different ways) lead a coup against the unstable oligarchic government and instituted a form of socialism. Under the control of his daughter Teodora this has shifted to open tyranny. The island is now closed to travel, patrolled by gunboats, and their internet connections are closely monitored. Rumors hold that Maquell has bribed all major satellite mapping companies to conceal the island, and it seems as though she is trying to hide it from the outside world altogether.
It has the highest ration of boobs to people in the world. It is AWESOME.
Apparently nobody's seen the update:
ReplyThey’re really special, all the time.
UPDATE:
Looks like the column will be landing around Monday. So. That.
Last 5 posts by Daniel O'Brien
So according to the Cracked Round Up, Dan was eating salsa, then masturbated and got jalapeño juice on his ding ding. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
ReplyReminds me of a joke,
Guy goes to the Doctor and say "Doc my penis is orange"
and the Doc says "My, My I've never heard of that, perhaps it stress.
Have you had recent life changes? and the guy says "Yes, I just got divorced and I lost my job".
And the Doc says "Well what are you doing with you free time?"
And the guy says " mostly eating Cheeto's and watching p0rnos.
Guys, I think this is a Cracked social experiment. They will deny us our articles, to see how much we can take before we break. First Bucholz missed. Now DOB. Who's next? Another extended HBN break? Swaim missing in an "accident"? Seanbaby realizing that no amount of money is worth working in the Cracked offices?
ReplyWho knows.
Laggerific, DOB.
Reply