Dinosaurs Do It For 65,000,000 Years.
Next time you get home from school only to shed your backpack, slam your bedroom door and collapse in frenzied weeping onto the bottom bunk because Brittany already has a date for Winter Ball, take some comfort in the knowledge that Pteranodons used to do the exact same thing.
Researchers at Berkeley have just concluded a study indicating that dinosaurs reached sexual maturity during their teenage years, just like me! Of course, dinosaur puberty had a few differences:
But despite these divergences, Im sure awkwardness with the ladies still plagued our saurian brothers. After all, no T-Rex is going to be able to work up the nerve to ask a girl to the tar pits when hes all self-conscious about his gimp arms.
And unlike human teens, his inability to reach his own genitals meant the sexual frustration was totally insurmountable. At least not without rubbing himself against a rock or getting an accommodating Dimetrodon friend to help him out, and the guys that did that were never quite the same.
How do the scientists know that all this is true? Well, as one researcher put it, "They wouldn't be ovulating if they weren't of reproductive age.
Careful; that motto can get you in trouble in most states.
Besides blogging for CRACKED, Michael also makes paleontological videos as head writer and co-founder of Those Arent Muskets!
The more I look at that picture the more I think that dinosaur has fucked that chic
Replycross-eyed.
But your a chic, right?...................just kidding!
ReplyA little. Let's be honest here.
ReplyI'm a lot bigger, uglier, and with less teeth than that.
ReplyAlso my breasts are smaller.
Uh, sorry there Ross. I guess there just too many Ross's around here.
ReplyShe rather, maam.
ReplyHow dare he, he doesn't use capitalization!
ReplyYou sir, have insulted me! I demand satisfaction.
Damn Ross is that you? That put's a whole new spin on the mailman thing from a few day's ago.
ReplyLook at what you can see of the mushroom tip. Whoever circumcised that dinosaur had some serious bloodlust.
ReplyIs the look on the dino's face a sign of sheer concentration or frustration the naked human chick he's bagged simply can't take his giant dino dong?
ReplyAnd to the left of the dinosaur/dragon fucking a Picasso looking chic is a Mexican in a sombrero lean up against a cactus, directly in front of him is a mud hut with a mexican stick boy glued to the bed, eating a taco (that's how we know he's mexican) and holding a bottle of glue.
Reply