Dear Media,
What’s this thing about? The big thing. The thing that’s happening in a few months or so. The thing with all those well-dressed people talking at each other. You know…
The election.
What’s it about?
Let’s do a little experiment. Let’s assume I’ve been a very busy guy for the past decade or so. Maybe I’d been piling on school work, or working a couple of jobs starting in the late nineties and ending yesterday. Or maybe I’d been homeless and I just back on my feet, so I bought a computer and a TV on the way home. Or maybe I’d been in space for fifteen years, and I returned early this morning wondering what happened to gas prices, and why Chris Elliot wasn’t a bigger star by now. Or maybe I was just lazy, or wasn’t paying attention. Whatever. The point is I missed a lot. But I know an election’s coming up, so I want to turn to the Media. You’re not part of the government, and you’re not entertainment. You’ll help me figure out what’s going on, right? Both candidates have nice, comforting and impressive websites, but I can’t exactly trust those sites, can I? If I was running for president and someone asked me who the best man for the job was, I’d say me, and I’d talk about how qualified I was all over my big website, even if I pretty clearly wasn’t. I have no reason to assume the candidates wouldn’t do the same.
Let’s get some truth on, Media!
I’ll go to CNN’s website. CNN handles news. There’s a politics section and everything. Each guy even gets his own page. Let’s start with John McCain.
Okay, his CNN bio page leaves much to be desired, but CNN’s provided a bunch of relevant videos. I’m going to check out his Energy Plan video, because gas prices are much higher than they used to be, and I’d rather they weren’t. I click on it.
Remember, this is a video allegedly devoted to John McCain’s energy plan, in the section dedicated to all things John McCain, which is within a page dedicated to all things political, on the website for CNN. By all rights, if I want to hear about John McCain’s energy plan, this is the place to go.
Let’s do a play by play of the video:
-It’s a series of clips that starts with a vague, one or two sentence summation of one of McCain’s energy plans from a few years ago under narration. I don’t realize it at the time, but this is the closest I’ll come to finding out about McCain’s energy policy on CNN.com.
-Next, we get a different, contrasting McCain energy plan under more narration that doesn’t tell me anything about this new and different plan apart from the fact that it is both new and different.
-The narrator describes the energy situation as “tricky.” No further information.
-9/11 is mentioned.
-I close the video, assuming I clicked on the wrong one in the first place, and again click on “John McCain’s Energy Plan.”
-Fastforward.
-9/11. I hold out hope that somehow McCain has invented a type of car that runs on 9/11. (This does not happen.)
-Next, we awkwardly segue to a discussion of the practices that worked and those that didn’t work in the 2004 election. Even though we have two different candidates and live in a completely different political climate right now, it is for some reason appropriate to talk about John Kerry’s failed campaign. In the only video on CNN’s website dedicated to detailing McCain’s energy strategy.
-Narrator talks more about 9/11. John McCain thinks Obama doesn’t get 9/11, while Obama holds firmly on his “Yea I totally do” platform. The video is officially more about 9/11 than anything else.
-The narrator sums up the video (about an energy plan) with, and this is a direct quote, “His best shot at winning the White House is running a race combining national security and experience, one that hammers away at Obama for not being able to lead in a post 9/11 world.”
High School students out there: The next time you have to write an essay about the energy crisis, include that exact line above in your concluding paragraph. And then let me know if you just failed the class or if you were classified as legally retarded. I won’t know what to call CNN until you get back to me, so step to it.
Okay, onto Barack’s page and his video for energy. It’s called “Obama hits McCain on Energy.”
-”We’re investing in the next generation of automobiles.” That’s nice. Kind of reminds me of ‘The power is yours,‘ or ‘Trust the Force.’ Very hopeful if, perhaps, empty.
-Next, Obama points out something Bush’s energy department said about some other energy plan, (not his, though). Seems kind of unrelated, but whatever.
-Obama criticizes this aforementioned plan, saying “What they don’t tell you,” is that it won’t have a positive impact on gas prices until 2030. Obama is outraged. Still not totally sure why he’s talking about this plan. I want to hear about his. It’s so easy to look impressive when you’re criticizing a clearly flawed plan that no one is going to defend.
“What am I actually saying?”
Plus, why is it just a video of Obama talking? All I hear from him speeches, albeit, terrific speeches, that inspire hope, though not much confidence. I can get these videos on his website. Shouldn’t CNN be saying “Theoretically, this plan works” or “Based on our research, this plan will fail”? Or maybe even “He barely even discussed a plan?” Something? How come on McCain’s video, CNN narrates and comments on what he’s saying but they just kind of let Barack go?
You’re CNN. You are CNN. You’re not some hilariously absurd website that can get away with posting tasteless articles asking to see the potential Vice President naked. You’re CNN. You have a responsibility.
Let’s see what other respectable forces in the media have to say. Time. Time Magazine has an article about McCain. It was in the top ten of digg yesterday, in fact. It’s all about what a negative ad campaign McCain’s running.
“The good news is that the vile times may be ending…but these dreadful times must not be forgotten.”
Okay… That sounds, very scary, or whatever. Is… is he qualified to be the next president of the United States? Why don’t you have any articles on that? Isn’t that kind of more important than the ads?
Thanks but no thanks, Time. Let’s head on over to the Brookings Institution for a change of scenery. They… Oh. They also have an article about dirty campaigning on both sides that was pretty popular yesterday. Okay. Okay, candidates are being unfair. They’re deliberately taking quotes out of context. Should…should I just close my eyes and pretend that that hasn’t been done in every election ever? Is it important right now to talk about how nasty the campaigning is? Really? How this year’s ads “hit an all-time low”? That’s what we should talk about?
Fine.
It was said that if Jefferson was elected, prostitutes would start working out of churches and later if Cleveland was elected, they’d move into the White House. They said Jimmy Carter couldn’t get the Pledge of Allegiance through Congress. Van Buren’s opponents ran campaigns that he was illiterate. Clarence Darrow called Howard Taft, (the only person on the planet to serve as both President and Chief Justice of the Supreme Court), “a fat son of a bitch.”
In fairness to Darrow…
I get that candidates are going to run slightly shady campaigns. I get that, because I’m not an idiot and that’s just politics as usual. I can learn about the shadiness of their campaigns by watching their commercials. They’re going to lie. It’s your job to get the truth and to hold someone accountable when they lie, not just weakly point out ‘Hey, that might possibly be construed as slightly perhaps being not so forward in the field of truth. Let’s take a poll to see how the American people feel about possibly perhaps being lied to maybe.’ Don’t just point it out, do something about it.
Have you ever been fucked violently in the ear? And then your friend comes in and, instead of helping, starts telling you what the guy’s balls look like? That’s you. You’re that friend.
I want you to protect me from getting fucked, and all you’re saying is “Balls, balls balls.”
“Looks like the left one’s a little bit lower than the right, what do you think, Diane?”
“Oh, you’re right! And it look, they were recently shaved. I bet that razor burn hurts.”
“I bet you’re right, Diane.”
One more shot. Okay, I’ll head on over to FoxNews. They’ve got to be trustworthy. They’ve got “News” right there in the title, so to suggest seriousness, and “Fox,” so to suggest cleverness. Or perhaps that you can’t trust them around chickens.
Hey, FoxNews.com has clips of Sean Hannity’s interview with Sarah Palin. Sean says that it’s an uncensored interview, with no questions off limits! Palin has been fairly reluctant to speak, and FoxNews offers a no-holds-barred interview? The Bloodsport of interviews? Hot damn, we’re cooking with gas!
Let’s see, on the subject of what’s to be done about the Economy, Sarah Palin says “We’ve gotta cure this. By reform.” Now, moving on to-
Wait. No. That can’t be enough of an answer. That’s way too obvious. Our current system led to the giant retarded Wall Street implosion, so of course the answer is reform. I mean, after the economic week we’ve had, if you asked me what I think we should do, with my absolutely nonexistent background in economics, all I’d be able to say would be “Hey, you know our old plan that ended up turning into a shit sandwich? Let’s not keep doing that.” Are you saying that’s enough to satisfy you, Hannity? Can I be Vice President?
Who would say reform isn’t the answer? I mean, when there’s a problem, you fix it by doing things differently. Is anyone actually running on a platform of “These current practices are pretty clearly flawed and poisonous to America…but I’m gonna stick with them and see how this all plays out.” No. Why is “By reform” a satisfactory answer for the question of how to heal the economy? That’s the tip- No, that’s not even the tip of the iceberg, that’s the idea of the iceberg. That’s iceberg as a concept. Why are you okay with that, Sean Hannity?
Ooh, do you know what other questions Hannity asks in this rare, no-topics-are-off-limits interview with the hitherto unknown woman who may well become our Vice President? Also on the topic of the current state of the economy, Hannity asks “Is what Barack Obama doing dangerous for America?”
That is the poison disguised as a question that he asked in this shitstorm disguised as an interview.
“Getting the nod was an experience?” Boy, that’s some hard-hitting motherfucking shit, right there.
You can ask her anything. You’re wearing a suit. You clearly think you’re some kind of journalist. You’ve got a responsibility, Hannity, and all you’re doing is a) lobbing softballs and b) letting your obvious bias show in an unfair, twisted question that no one else would even consider asking. No one, and now you’ve put the idea in people’s heads.
Come on, Media. We’re coming off some rough years as far as trust in our government goes. As a country, we’re paying closer attention than ever. Do your job.
Tell me something useful.
I’ve already heard that Obama and Palin are both fairly inexperienced. And I’ve heard that McCain doesn’t know how to use the internet. I’ve heard all the “pig in lipstick” and “I can see Russia from here” lines, because they’ve been repeatedly jammed down my throat over and over and over again. How could I miss them?
I don’t need to hear again about who was a Community Organizer, and who thinks that “Community Organizer” is a laughable position. I’m not concerned with how many houses someone has. I don’t need to be told that someone is a terrific speaker. I don’t care how anyone feels about hockey, and I don’t need to hear about what Priests a candidate may or may not have hung around at some point for some amount of time.
And if I hear “Hey, the bottom line is, she sold the plane” one more fucking time, I’m going to track down that plane, buy the shit out of it, and crash it directly into the White House, regardless of who’s living there. Test me on this.
I feel like all we’re getting are lies and lines, and no one’s talking about the issues and no one’s holding anyone accountable. Media, you’re supposed to be on our side. Stop repeating the same sound bites over and over again. In the history of forever, has a President’s ability to do his job been enhanced or impaired as a result of how they feel about moose-hunting? Then shut up about it.
I mean, is Adam McKay right? Is the media completely dead? Subquestion, why the shit am I getting the most honest and insightful political information from Adam McKay?
Last 5 posts by Daniel O'Brien
- The First Thanksgiving: An Almost Graphic Representation - November 28th, 2008
- This is Why You Don't Steal from Cracked - November 21st, 2008
- On Inauguration Day White People Can Finally Be Cool - November 14th, 2008
- Will You Marry Me, Kristen Wiig? - November 7th, 2008
- "WESTSIIIIIIIIIDE!": How to REALLY Talk to Cops - October 31st, 2008
October 29th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
The election is about nothing. George Wallace said it best, “there’s not a dime’s worth of difference between” Republicans and Democrats. The Democrats willingly went along with the War in Iraq, suspension of Habeas Corpus, Patriot Act, banning books like “America Deceived’ from Amazon, Wikipedia and Facebook, warrant-less wiretapping and opening private mail. They are both guilty of treason.
Clean them all out and save this great nation.
Last link (before Google Books bends to gov’t Will and drops the title):
http://www.iuniverse.com/Bookstore/BookDetail.aspx?BookId=SKU-000083883
October 25th, 2008 at 5:24 pm
You talk like whipped cream.
October 16th, 2008 at 4:03 am
i actually miss the times when i could get spin from both sides on a single news channel. sure if you sit down and watch o’reilly factor, i expect to get the gop spin of whats going on. what really drives me nuts is that i then have to watch a different news channel (not just a different show on the same network) to see the bs the other side is perpetuating. its bad enough that news networks spout so much crap thats not even really researched as the truth and actual content isnt just in the crapper its fully flushed….but if the whole network is going to more or less endorse a candidate/party i’d like them just to pop a little logo in a corner so i know right away who’s version of the truth im tuning into
October 10th, 2008 at 1:24 am
here in kentucky, our last gov didn’t have to sell the plane, once it was nearly shot down by the usaf for entering the no-fly zone (anyone remember? no? anyone?) we all chipped in a buck to buy him a new one.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
The best schools on Earth that Obama went to were private, by the way
http://www.unfuse.com/decisions/79-Presidential-Debate-2-Obama-Vs-McCain/finalize
October 2nd, 2008 at 8:34 am
Here here, why the hell aren’t the mainstream news outlets putting out anything but bullshit rhetoric. CNN, MSNBC, ABC News, all of them are HUGELY libral biased, FOX News is conservative biased.
There is NO real source of unbiased information anymore, and its fucking sad…
Thanks for this article I REALLY needed someone else to say what I have been saying for years to help me realize I’m not insane for feeling the same way you just described!!!
September 28th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
tl;dr
But it sounded like you were making a good obvious point. The CNN bit was funny.
September 28th, 2008 at 12:27 am
I agree with kingmonkey on the revolting thing. Although I certainly do not want my name attached that cause…yet.
September 26th, 2008 at 4:37 am
Careful with the whole flying planes into Houses that may or may-not be colored White. The Service that may or may-not be Secret is liable to sock the whole lot of you into some dank shithole that may or may-not be in Eastern Europe. There is nothing funny about dank shitholes in Eastern Europe.
September 25th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
The source I refer to most often is OnTheIssues.org . It shows candidates views and votes on many political issues. Fairly straightforward and seemingly unbiased.
September 25th, 2008 at 3:57 am
Thank you Cracked.Com
Now I know that the Media sucks. I had not noticed before. That was real helpful… oh wait, you’re not a news website, you’re comedy/blogging. Sorry cracked, I take it back. I enjoyed reading it
You (I’m not American but have access to FOX+CNN daily) should all do our part and DON’T WATCH ridiculous news channels. But if we don’t watch, then maybe it will get worse as they re-focus their demographic exclusively to sheeple. And there isn’t many other choices…
September 24th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
They need to let the BBC Newsnight’s Jeremy Paxman interview Sarah Palin. Check out Newsnight to see interviews where they’re really “cooking with gas” - like the time Paxman asked Tony Blair the same question 20 times to get his question answered.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
Kingmonkey - Have you and glendoor merged into one super commentor? That would be awesome.
And we should revolt, it is apparent that the common people, the people who really matter, do not have the funds to run themselves; so we are stuck choosing between a couple of the elite. This whole system is fucked. Only a purging will cleanse. We should revolt every 50 or so years. Definitely would help thin out the population too!
September 24th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
Hey, the bottom line is, she sold the plane!
September 24th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
How many times to I have to tell you guys: have a revolution! I’m not entirely kidding. You need to clean house; you’ve got some serious residue build-up in all of your governing systems, stains all over your reputation, and some seriously nasty smells that need to be well-ventilated.
You should be revolting, not revolting.
September 24th, 2008 at 7:31 am
I would say FUCK IT, but frankly, my dick is sore from fucking so many big asses
September 23rd, 2008 at 6:44 pm
It’s very difficult for the ‘Media’ to say much of anything while kissing Obama’s feet.
September 23rd, 2008 at 2:08 pm
[...] Dan O’Brien’s Dear Media: What’s This Election About? [...]
September 23rd, 2008 at 1:58 pm
moog, the newspapers are worse.
The AJC has to be the biggest joke of a newspaper in the whole nation, and thats what we have down here.
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:02 am
Don’t you guys have newspapers?
September 23rd, 2008 at 9:05 am
It kills me that with the “information revolution” that came with the advent of the internet, it has just become easier and easier to bury important information under bullshit. Not only that, but we are consistently dumbing down our country and the media plays to it. Any media is a business after all, not a charity. They play to what the audience wants to see because that’s what their sponsors want. So we’ve devolved into a country of intellectually lazy viewers who would rather see a Laguna Beach-type scandal than thoughtful analysis.
It angries up the blood is what is does.
Thanks for the awesome piece, DOB. It really is about time we make the media accountable again.
September 23rd, 2008 at 1:01 am
It’s not actually all that easy to armchair Quarterback. Not if you do a good job. I was 7 of 11 with an interception going to my fridge yesterday, and when you consider I was alone that’s not all that great.
September 22nd, 2008 at 3:38 pm
@CodyCastor
For the record, i think that the wu tang clan replacing the supreme court would be kinda awesome…
September 22nd, 2008 at 12:21 pm
Dear Media: What s This Election About?
September 22nd, 2008 at 12:17 pm
I realize that it’s fucking ridiculous to use a Cracked.com article in any form or fashion that even remotely resembles seriousness, but I gotta say, this one hit home.
As a semi-intelligent but completely politically-ignorant American, I’m very glad to see that someone else notices the absolute absurdity of modern media, in it’s political coverage.
And, don’t get me wrong - Funny is funny. But when I want information, I find it increasingly hard to find.
September 22nd, 2008 at 12:14 pm
@Josie - Am I complaining about politics? Am I saying the political system isn’t working, and that I hate the direction our government is moving in? No. If I was, I agree with you, I’d hate myself for not suggesting a solution.
But, as far as I understand it, this post wasn’t about the politicians or left vs right or anything. It was about the media. My issue is with the media, which is currently split between sensationalizing on one side and laying in bed with the candidates on the other side. And on this issue, I did suggestion a solution: Stop doing that. Find the truth. Help us out. Hold someone accountable. That old song.
Unless you were talking to the commenters, and not me….rereading your post suggests that that might be a possibility.
Still, in the words of Political Theorist Ol’ Dirty Bastard, “Gimme my money.”
September 22nd, 2008 at 9:38 am
Ted Stevens, to name one…
September 22nd, 2008 at 8:45 am
Josie, you want a solution. Fire every last one of those assholes in washington. Help them all find new jobs. They are the ones who helped us get into this shit storm, and there is no way they are going to be the ones to fix it. I’m not talking about republicans or democrats, I’m talking about the wholesale fireing of every congressman and senator.
And since there has obviously been something illegal happening on walstreet, its time to start enforceing the law. Start throwing some of those jerks in jail. Infact there’s probably a few polititions who need to be thrown in jail as well.
September 22nd, 2008 at 7:29 am
Josie’s taken her hypocritical oath.
Here’s a solution for you Josie: put a bullet in your TV.
September 22nd, 2008 at 12:21 am
Frick. Tough crowd. I read you all for your humor..What happened? Today everyone has a political view? So run for office..it’s easy to armchair-quarterback..but what do any of you know?
“I’m a taxpayer and therefore afforded the right”..is you’re probable answer..and thank God you’re right.
We are all allowed our opinion. Sweet. Happy I’m here.
But are you all fucking serious? I haven’t heard one thing that’s going to help anything..oh..that’s right..bitch and moan but don’t offer a solution..everyone has an explanation..but no one has a solution..
I’m bored..
September 21st, 2008 at 9:46 pm
[...] policy? Nope. (See Cracked’s take on this. Which leads me to the question on why I have to go to a freakin’ comedy site to get [...]
September 21st, 2008 at 8:42 am
theholyduck: america isnt a democracy, it is a republic.
September 21st, 2008 at 6:58 am
we all know that the population of america is closing in on 7 billion people.
(i mean seriously. the only way to explain how the US acts around the world is to asume that the rest of the world is USA to. then it all becomes alot easier)
on that note. less than 200 million people have voting right in this amercia.
and that would make it one of the worst democracies ever!
September 21st, 2008 at 1:56 am
THANK GOD FOR COMMERSERY!
About a week ago I had to turn the “BUSINESS” news on my am dial off, turn off CNN financial news (TV), access all of my WebPages directly via the iexplore.exe command to skip my homepage, and completely avoid conversation with everyone I work with because if I heard or read the phrase “lipstick on a pig” one more time I was going to get stab happy. NO ONE CARES.
Essentially at this point both candidates are only coming out and saying:
“The politics of failure have failed. We need to make them work again.”
And the media then says either “Wow, isn’t it wonderful to have such an exciting, insightful candidate”, or “… demonstrated just how out of touch he was” depending on their particular bias for the day.
When did the national news media become TMZ?
Why do we put up with this?
September 21st, 2008 at 1:13 am
Dear DOB,
I have created a facebook fan page for you because this article moved me so. So far, I am your only fan.
September 21st, 2008 at 12:38 am
“And if I hear “Hey, the bottom line is, she sold the plane” one more fucking time, I’m going to track down that plane, buy the shit out of it, and crash it directly into the White House, regardless of who’s living there. Test me on this.”
And the next day our intrepid cracked.com writer was arrested by the FBI for making death threats on the president
September 20th, 2008 at 11:25 pm
It is not a sad, but a harrowing day when Cracked is forced to assume the role of the actual media. Go Dan.
September 20th, 2008 at 11:24 pm
It’s not a sad day, but a harrowing day when Cracked is forced to assume its role as the real media. Here here Dan.
September 20th, 2008 at 10:52 pm
Ed Rendell sold the plane too. lulz
September 20th, 2008 at 10:29 pm
Article well done! I think to get a better understanding of what is happening to the mainstream media was explained best by Dan Rather http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YhHYR12doXg
September 20th, 2008 at 9:58 pm
Hey, I think we’re getting a little ahead of ourselves here. I mean, the bottom line is, she sold the plane.
September 20th, 2008 at 8:42 pm
Perhaps tracking down what the media has to offer is a little more difficult than glancing at the top ten links on digg.
Because Time has only written one article on McCain. Right.
In the age of the internet, staying decently informed is really not especially difficult. If you’re too lazy to hunt down the media outlets worth listening to, then you don’t deserve an opinion.
September 20th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
“Yeah, let’s fight the power!!” Honestly the government probably doesn’t give a shit what individuals/small groups think, look at all the good protests did during Viet Nam. Bottom line: the government will do what it wants when it wants, our role is the cushion under its feet.
September 20th, 2008 at 6:19 pm
actually, i listen to Rush Limbaugh and watch Jon Stewart. they’re both full of shit, too, but at least you know up front exactly where their biases lay. generally, i feel like the truth can be found where those two intersect. then again, fuck it.
September 20th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
*Of course* the big media you’re talking about won’t be on your side - they’re owed by big corporations that have a vested interest in disseminating a vacuous message that dumbs down the audience and keeps it focused on asinine stuff like “lipstick on a pig” or “selling a plane on E-bay.” Otherwise, that audience might, heaven forbid, get serious about serious stuff like “maybe this economic and financial structure we have is shaky - maybe a bit of corporate reform and taking a second look at this ‘derregulation’ or ‘trickle down’ mumbo-jumbo is worthwhile”
September 20th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
Dear Europe,
Please quit pretending to understand the american political processes. No one, and I mean NO ONE understands it anymore.
Also the president does not rule the World or the US for that matter. What the president does effects europe alot less than what the US congress does. Want to bitch about some one, bitch about them.
Signed,
Fuck you
September 20th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
[...] of the media and their (non)coverage of the important issues involved in the 2008 election. ATSRTWT - it’s a great read. Here’s the gist: Dear [...]
September 20th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
The news media doesn’t keep itself unbiased? Like this is news! Freedom of the press is for s/he who has a printing press. And S/he will print things biased toward his/her viewpoint, which is decided by his/her own self interest.
It isn’t really in the interest of big media corporations, which are tied in with banks, lobbyists, lawyers - you know, all of those self-serving powerful (unlike you, you self-serving thing, you) sharks that want to keep their power over the dumb ignorant rabble, whose lives are so worthless that they have to seek entertainment from low-brow rags like Cracked - to report things honestly, clearly, without bias. It’s in their interest to keep you stoopid proles working hard to keep them and theirs in power.
Asking a giant news conglomerate to watch out for the people is like asking a shark to mind your baby while you look for sunken treasure.
September 20th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
Panzer-Stier Ross,
Oh, I still say the queen of England is a farcical office. It’s a waste of money and a diversion from more important matters.
Really, if you want to call someone “fucking ignorant”, then you should expect a smart ass reply. Me for one, I’ve been sick of Europeans snubbing their noses at Americans from across the pond as if they knew better. They’re stuck in a worse political shit storm than Americans. So, people like Trillberry can take their pitying attitudes and shove them where the sun don’t shine. It’s obvious that Trillberry gets information from the news and not first-hand experience, and the fact that you, Panzer-Stier Ross, fail to see that makes you “fucking ignorant” (your words, not mine).
September 20th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
@ DOB Brilliant. Eloquent. Sexually stimulating.
@ Res_Ipsa Pretzels go with beer. Chips go with beer. Women go with beer. You make cookies that go with beer and you will become a god among men. I suggest a nice ale to get you started.
@ angryeurotrash Who owns the media? We do. We stop giving them attention and they wither and die. In other words, the media is like that Queen Bitch from the Merlin movie. Fade away.
September 20th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
spot on, GREAT article
September 20th, 2008 at 11:42 am
Also… BALLS, BALLS, BALLS!
September 20th, 2008 at 11:41 am
Yeah, that guy fucking you in the ear… I think he has genital warts.
September 20th, 2008 at 10:41 am
I personally blame the hippies. For all their “free love” things haven’t gone well in the past forty years, have they? All that did was create a culture where having sex and not showering is some how a protest. Damn hippies.
Hey, can you pick on Libertarians? Just make fun of Ron Paul’s idea’s that humans can take care of themselves without an expert. He’s an OB-GYN, how on Earth could he not have met people that should not have children?
September 20th, 2008 at 10:07 am
I’m not really liking some of the non-Americans assuming that the people voting in the election are voting based on what the bullshit media tells them. I, for one, have taken the time to research each cadidate’s stance on issues that matter to me. I certainly wish the information had been easier to find - thanks for that, major news outlets - but I will be making an informed decision this November.
September 20th, 2008 at 9:59 am
My favorite is the repetitive “John McCain is a P.O.W”.
September 20th, 2008 at 9:49 am
I think what you’re looking for DOB is this: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/in_depth/629/629/7436221.stm
If the media isn’t good enough in the US, the internet is there to help.
September 20th, 2008 at 9:47 am
What’s scary is that one of the more reliable news shows (you know, the one that is unbiased and actually tells you semi-important things) is a parody. The Daily Show and The Colbert Report are, scarily, doing a better job at covering this election than CNN and FOX.
September 20th, 2008 at 8:22 am
I’ll vote for the candidate who answers Sean Hannity’s stupid fucking questions by lifting their leg slightly, farting loudly, standing up, raising their arms over their heads and crossing their hands at the wrist, and then, repeatedly bringing the ‘X’ shape down around their dick in a chopping motion, and shouting “Suck it, Hannity. Suck it.”
September 20th, 2008 at 8:12 am
“unknown Says:
September 20th, 2008 at 7:49 am
Dude, ever look at who owns the media now?”
Who knows. Media-ownership is getting mindblowingly complicated. You trace it far back enough and it usually turns out to all belong to the same company. Isn’t it all Murdoch and Turner these days?
September 20th, 2008 at 7:49 am
Dude, ever look at who owns the media now?
September 20th, 2008 at 6:16 am
By the way…no point in pointing out that a lot of the EU you has been voting for right-wing fuckheads lately. But I’d like to think that as misguided as that was, people at least sort of knew what they were doing.
September 20th, 2008 at 6:06 am
I’m not American and I don’t have a right to vote in the upcoming election. But guess what, the decisions of the American people affect the whole world - who can do nothing but sit quietly by, chewing their fingernails and hoping the American people pull their heads out of their collective ass and start seeing this as a life-or-death decisions instead of a high-school popularity contest.
Remember when politicians used to lie? Remember when they used to say what they were going to do and then only do a fraction of it? Those were the days, because at least those f***ers committed to something!
I urge people to go blindfolded into the election booths and vote at random. It honestly doesn’t matter the way things are now. No one has a clue who they are voting for because nobody has told us anything about who these people are (as politicians) or what they stand for. These people asking for votes are complete strangers and so far none of them stand for anything actual or concrete.
Until America starts to vote based on policy, until politicians start running their campaigns based on action instead of empty words, nothing will be accomplished.
The president of the United States is not a celebrity. He is the man with his finger hovering over the button. He is the man that shapes the f***ing world people! Show a sense of responsibility! Take this thing seriously for Christ’s sake. Either you do it or give the rest of us a vote so we can show you how it’s done.
September 20th, 2008 at 4:00 am
To everyone who mocked O’Brien for naively questioning Fox News’ objectivity, he basically said at the beginning of the article that we should all pretend he’d been under a rock for ten years. This means that an article at Cracked.com went over your head, and that’s really sad.
Although I am merely a meddlesome Canadian, and do not presume to understand the American way.
September 20th, 2008 at 3:36 am
Fantastic article. IMO, the Media has been dead sense Clinton took office. Hell maybe sense the 60’s. Honestly, I’m stuck on who to vote for in this Election. I think I’ll end up with McCain, but I really don’t want too vote for him.
September 20th, 2008 at 2:43 am
Is this the first blog entry that included a terrorist threat by the author?
September 20th, 2008 at 2:37 am
EXCELLENT article. i hope the asshats in the media read it and this comment, and go “damn! we’ve been asshats!,” and then stop being asshats and start being journalists again…
September 20th, 2008 at 2:25 am
DOB, thank you for summing up how I fell more succinctly that I ever could. Can we look forward to O’Brien/Swaim 2016?
September 20th, 2008 at 1:09 am
Oh, DOB, you kill me. I visited this post several times to today. I so often wanted to say something but thought better of it. I am a recently graduated poli sci major so sticking with the pig metaphors this election is just a giant bowl of slop for me to roll around in. I love it, but it sickens me that I do. So rather than a really long, serious, retarded post that will make people angry at me and/or make me look like a giant dickface I think I will leave with this:
We, Americans, we’re all a bunch of fucktards.
September 20th, 2008 at 1:03 am
What I’m confused about is how the media can criticize the media and what they’re doing or not doing. They say they aren’t the media, but if they aren’t then who is? I’m hoping someone can tell us who the real media is, where to find them, and hopefully get some actual information from them.
September 20th, 2008 at 12:52 am
CamboD: Poli. Sci. major and J.D. holder here saying you got something slightly mixed up. There are three governmental branches. Exec., Jud., Legis. They call the Press the “Fourth Estate” because it seems to have so much influence. If the media were part of the government, they would be government controlled, or government-funded. They are neither. (Well, there may be some government-funded media, but by and large they are controlled by corporations.) So, no, they do not technically have any responsibility to provide us with good coverage, which is exactly why they do not. However, given their special protection under our Constitution and their historically important role, as well as their own exhortations about what they are, they are most certainly should provide meaningful coverage, and it is bullshit that they do not.
September 20th, 2008 at 12:27 am
Hear, hear, MBS; I fucking well second that vote. Though I do like the hum from my tubes. But it ain’t the same.
September 20th, 2008 at 12:26 am
I thought I commented on this earlier, but perhaps i was mislead. And now I’m trashed, so perhaps i did and didn’t notice. Either way; excellent job, O’Brien. I linked a few folks to this I normally wouldn’t have. Well done.
And Dave whatever the fuck, I know guns to you people are like “Oh, my god; was that a gun? It was, wasn’t it? OMG, OMG! I know that little kid just pointed one at me over my pool, and someone please tell me who her dad is so this doesn’t happen again! Oh, she’s four and it was a squirt gun? WHAT-ever! She could have put someone’s eye out!”
Listen, asshole; nobody expects some fucking douchebag like you who’s grown up in a gated community eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch to understand why the second amendment’s important. Just know that when someone on the street sticks one in your face, steals you car with your girlfriend in it and dumps her off later that he didn’t buy it at Wal-Mart after waiting for the background check. He got it at a fucking KFC drive-thru for 50 bucks with no serial number on it and whoever your candidate is (and it doesn’t matter who your candidate is) isn’t going to fix that. So how about adjusting to the real world or being quiet while the rest of us adults do for you.
September 20th, 2008 at 12:18 am
I hereby pledge alegence to the repubelick of cracked. I vote that the currency be incandesent bulbs. By 2014 they will be illegal in the us. Congress passed a bill saying that by 2014 (i am almost positive its 2014) that all light bulbs manufactured must be mini florecents. I hate those things, as a guitarist they make amps and electric guitars hum & buzz really loud.
September 20th, 2008 at 12:05 am
To anyone who thinks that it’s the public’s responsibility to research politics instead of pinning all the blame on the media:
Short answer: No it’s not.
Long answer:
Yes, it’s the public’s responsibility to be informed on relevant political issues that the party platforms address. It’s also the public’s responsibility to at least know who they have to choose on election day. It’s also their responsibility to CHOOSE, and not just avoid it out of a sense of cynicism.
That does NOT mean they have to delve deep into Congress’s transcripts or read candidate biographies or what not to stay informed. There’s a difference between researching politics and being an informed voter. If you’re going for a political science degree then maybe, but not if you just want to know who the hell you want to be President in November.
The media, including but not limited to the major news networks, are supposed to provide the voting public with enough relevant information on the candidates’ goals and plans for the future. If the candidates’ can’t provide that, it’s the media’s responsibility to point out that failing.
I’m not saying that major news sites/channels should provide links to Congress meeting transcripts or PDFs of bills that the parties want to pass. They do however need to provide more information than worthless soundbites, vague nonanswers, answers to pointless questions about planes, and videos that are little more than commercials for candidates.
They just need to provide enough information to answer the question that DOB asks in the title of this article: What is the election about?
It is the voting public’s responsibility to know that, but it’s also the media’s responsibility to give us that information.
September 19th, 2008 at 11:45 pm
Kudos to you DOB.
You hit the nail on the head. The major news networks really aren’t fulfilling their responsibility as journalists. It’s their duty to call others (especially politicians) on their bullshit, not pander to it and add their own.
It may seem odd that comedy sites and shows are starting to give more unbiased and fair political commentary. I think it’s due to two things:
1) they can get away with it because they are comedians who nobody (supposedly) takes very seriously, unlike the reporters at a network who would be fired and blacklisted for daring to criticize their boss’ preferred political party
and
2) pretty much everyone involved in the election is spouting off total BS or vague nonanswers. They are ALL just begging to be lampooned without any mercy.
Calling politicians out on their BS in a humorous fashion is an easy way to get (uneasy) laughs from audiences, which is the primary goal of comedy. In that sense, comedians might very well be the most qualified journalists today.
These are times where you either have to laugh or cry, so you might as well laugh!
September 19th, 2008 at 11:44 pm
If youa re going to research politics, don’t rely on news websites, dummy.
For fuck’s sake.
September 19th, 2008 at 11:43 pm
Cookies and beer . . . hmm. Interesting idea.
September 19th, 2008 at 11:23 pm
Just go to congress.org and see what each senator voted for. Most people just scold the media for being biased and all that crud, but those same people are just too damn lazy to actually do some real research… and going on CNN or Fox News is not real research..
September 19th, 2008 at 10:45 pm
Excellent post. Just awesome. Thankfully, its not as bad as all that here in Australia. Yet. The media is still a source of accountability and I have seen journalists rip our politicians to shreds in interviews. From both sides of the spectrum, which is nice.
Also, at anyone who said it wasn’t the media’s job to be accountable, one of the first things you learn in Pol. Sci. is this: There is four spheres of government, the Legislative, Executive, Judicial and the Public Sphere, which is comprised of the media and serves to keep the other three spheres accountable for their actions.
Also this I love- A Redneck: “I dont know how that Obama guy expects us to vote for him after he bombed New York.”
September 19th, 2008 at 10:42 pm
Your English, he is not so well.
And DUH! It’s when the government takes all of your stuff. Everybody knows that!
Now watch as the non-native English speaker fails to recognize the sarcasm. (Right after you’re done watching this explanation take away all of the funny.)
September 19th, 2008 at 10:30 pm
Also, they were made to believe that raising up when you’re being fucked to say “Stop fucking me!” is communist, and that communism is bad and shit.
I always wonder, the average american, he thinks communism is bad, but does he KNOW what the fuck communism is?
September 19th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
Speaking of all this spending, I think the currency for The Repubelick should be children’s tears and dead puppies. Who doesn’t like to make children cry…communists thats who!
September 19th, 2008 at 10:18 pm
Hey, Abbreviated Pancake Says, you got to understand Americans. They work more hours per year than anyone else in the world.
Prices of just about everything is higher in the States than anywhere else … except at their Wal Mart. So, they have to keep working to buy the stuff they see on TV, magazines, billboards … they’re bombarded with with 1000s of advertisements every day!!! To buy and buy and buy!!!!
If by chance they want to rebel and do some good for themselves. America is set up with more prisons - they incarcerate more people than anyone else in the world.
So, they’re kind’a sunk into a Corporate American quagmire.
September 19th, 2008 at 10:10 pm
im voting for Bob Barr atleast he freaking says what he wants to do and how hes gonna do it.
September 19th, 2008 at 10:03 pm
That was a great article. The balls paert was hilarious, and the FoxNews one, totally depressing.
September 19th, 2008 at 9:58 pm
Good post DOB! I wish more people would scream this as loud and as often as possible, it drives me nuts!
The only way I’ve found to really tell the difference between candidates (and it’s not perfect) is to watch the presidential/vicepresidential debates. It seems to work, most of the time anyway, it’s how I’ve decided who to vote for every time.
September 19th, 2008 at 9:58 pm
Cool. Off to bed now, it’s 5 in the morning at my longitude. And don’t even ask what am I doing at 5 AM at cracked…
September 19th, 2008 at 9:55 pm
The media treats objects like women, man!
The media determines the focus, the focus determines public opinion, public opinion decides elections. They have the power to change everything, but they choose to keep the focus on what is most profitable. They’re the richest guests on the Titanic. We’re all fucked.
September 19th, 2008 at 9:34 pm
The Repubelick is open to all who wish to celebrate the joy and never ending humor of penis jokes.
September 19th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
I’m from Macedonia, and I find it really depressing that the same shit regarding the elections and pre-election campaigns is happening half a globe away and in the Land of the Free(tm). We had an elections in June and here are some of the similarities I noticed. Let’s see:
1. Dirty, smearing campaigns - check (this being Balkans they are x10 more vulgar)
2. Virtualy indistinguishable “party programs” - check
3. Desperately avoiding any meaningful answer to a concrete question - check
4. Having different stances on the but actually don’t giving a shit - check
5. Making wild promises, instantly forgoten after the elections - check
6. Packing the state institutions with relatives, friends and distinguished party members - check
7. Useless or biased media and “political commentators” - check
and many more. And contributing to the local colour we have things like personal threats, violence at voting places, stealing of votes etc… I strongly suspect that the situation is very similar in many other countries with essentially two-party systems and there is no hope on the horizon that something will change in the foreseeable future.
On the bright side, I have also noticed that there is a layer of population (albeit rather thin one) across the countries in the world which is not led by the propaganda, party lines and MSM, is highly inteligent and which has a ton of common sense, independent thinking and probably has a significant fraction of ADHDers. Those are the people who write and comment on articles at websites like cracked and fark which are, together with Daily Show, Simpson’s and a handfull of other websites, my main resources for geting a feeling for the US culture. And sometimes (when I’m not at my usual cynical self) this gives me a hope that we could make a difference if only we could somehow present a coherent force. The problem is that those same qualities (individuality, unwillingnes to follow the “leaders”) are inherently incompatible with the way parties work and win elections - by exploiting and harnessing the herd mentality and gullibility of masses.
The People’s Republic of Cracked citizenship - can I haz it?
September 19th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
There name is changed…until someone comes up with something better.
September 19th, 2008 at 9:08 pm
Or if we can think of a way to get a dick joke into another form of government, I’d be game for that. Like The Dickocracy of Cracked…but…you know…funny.
September 19th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
Metalbrainsurgery - How about just The Repubelick of Cracked. And Meshuggah rocks some hardcore shit from what I heard. I’ve been listening to some slightly mellower music lately, Syphony X and Epica, but I’m going to listen to more of Meshuggah tonight. And considering we would be creating The Repubelick because we are disenfranchised Americans, I think the anger would be appropriate. (But Safety Dance would make us laugh more).
September 19th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
I’ve been talking about this with friends as recently as last night and today. I was worried that I was being ignorant. I thought all the answers I wanted MUST have revealed themselves in the news media and that I simply hadn’t seen them. Being 21, I have a false sense of security about my nation that I’ve just recently discovered. The war was a “horrible disaster” because it cost 3 billion a day and I don’t get to hear ANYTHING but one or two reports on a 65 billion dollar bail out? I’m not worried… I’m excited. I’m almost tempted to vote for the worst candidate just to possibly see things come apart. There’s too much of an “Inside” and I feel like they’re leaving me behind. I’m proud of my father. He was a very successful businessman but his name will be lost in time forever.
September 19th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
I suggest we not name it the peoples republic, lest people think we are commies.
I also recomend meshuggah - I for the anthem
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vt9KGhveces
Just follow the video responses for the rest of the song.
September 19th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
Res_Ipsa - Do you dip your cookies in the beer? Cause that would be delicious, as long as they aren’t oatmeal. Oatmeal is from the devil.
September 19th, 2008 at 8:00 pm
You know things are bad when Cracked is the one with common sense.
September 19th, 2008 at 7:59 pm
And holy shit everyone, calm down. I don’t think I have enough cookies, beer, and hookers to cover this round of spats. (I don’t even know if that’s an understandable term, but I like it anyway.) Having strong opinions is good, using ad hominem attacks on those who have different opinions is just . . . lame.
September 19th, 2008 at 7:56 pm
Congratulations, D.O’B. As someone with a major in Poli. Sci. and a minor in Communication Studies, (yes, the major is as worthless as you think it is,) I can assure you that you summed up about 1/2 of all the Poli. Sci. classes and 1/3 of all the Comm. Studies classes that I had to take in order to get said degree, just in this post. I award you aforementioned 1/2 major. (Unfortunately, I’m not an accredited school and it is therefore useless.) Also, you got about 1/12th through a summary of all the discussions I had in law school during Constitutional Law and Media Law, which is not bad at all. (And now for some reason I miss it.)
September 19th, 2008 at 7:51 pm
“None of it has any substance”
I would say “Crazy preacher” has quite a bit of substance. Unless you think it’s perfectly all right for a Presidential candidate to hang out for 20 years in an overtly racist and America-hating church.
Let me ask you one question. If the media reported that a white Republican Presidential candidate spent 20 years in a Christian Identity church, would you think that was “nothing of any substance”?
September 19th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
Yarp - That is Kick ASS!!! I’ll second it.
September 19th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
I nominate Safety Dance by Men Without Hats.
September 19th, 2008 at 7:44 pm
“You can ask her anything. You’re wearing a suit. You clearly think you’re some kind of journalist. You’ve got a responsibility, Hannity, and all you’re doing is a) lobbing softballs and b) letting your obvious bias show in an unfair, twisted question that no one else would even consider asking.”
Wait, what? Showing his obvious bias? Thinks he’s some kind of journalist?
Dude, have you been living in a cave or something? Do you honestly not know who Sean Hannity is? Sean Hannity is not a journalist and does not claim to be. He is a political commentator. That’s pretty much his whole job. That’s what he does on his tv show, his radio show, his public appearances, and in his books.
Obvious bias? Again, HE’S A POLITICAL COMMENTATOR! He’s SUPPOSED to be biased. And it’s not like he hides it or anything, he wears it on his Goddamn sleeve. That’s the whole point of his show. He’s the conservative, Alan Colmes is the liberal, and they each yell at each other from opposite sides of a conference table.
Seriously, THIS is your example of FoxNews not reporting the facts? This is really all you could find fault with?
September 19th, 2008 at 7:38 pm
MVFU - I think you are missing the point. The major news networks claim to be asking the hard hitting questions, so they are responsible to provide what they are advertising. Cracked.com and DOB are comedians and bloggers; their responsibility is to write whatever the fuck they want.
As a disgruntled American, I suggest we take the first steps in creating our own nation (I suggest reading the cracked article on the smallest countries for background information). In my plan, each individual cedes their living spaces from America and joins:
The People’s Repubelic of Cracked (because it wouldn’t be right without a privates reference).
I hereby nominate Daniel O’Brien for the first God Emperor Til Tuesday. DOB’s abs would make a great Ambassador to Everywhere (Ambassadors get laid a lot, right?).
Then every Tuesday following, we have a dick joke contest to decide the next God Emperor.
Now we just need an awesome National Anthem.
September 19th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
@Yarp
Yes, now they are, when the novelty of “OMG, a woman Republican? With a vagina? Running for Vice President? Neat!” has run thin, they go for scandal. They do the same thing with Dems too. “OMG, a black man?” then later “Crazy preacher?!” None of it has any substance, but they run that because that’ll get the ratings.
September 19th, 2008 at 7:30 pm
Sorry for a 3rd consecutive post, but can anyone offer info on immigration laws of countries that actually care about their citizens?
I checked out Canada but probably couldn’t accrue enough points to warrant them taking me.
I’m 90+% Canadian-by-heritage, so I thought I’d look up possible relatives in Nova Scotia or Quebec.
Maybe I’ll find that I’m shit outta luck and head for Sweden, and have to learn a completely unfamiliar language. And I keep getting emails that Costa Rica is a great place for expatriates.
I know, America: Love it or leave it! I LOVE my country!! The USA is an amazing, wonderful place.
It’s my government that I worry about, and, yes, fear. The Constitution was written so that the government would fear the citizens, at least to the degree that it didn’t resemble King George’s unflinching rule.
I grew up in Massachusetts. The local history wasn’t really pounded into us as students, but it was a profound history!
I’d rather take this country back from the assholes that we’ve allowed to run it, but it takes more than just a scattered few. Back then, the revolutionists weren’t spread across 2-3000 miles. Now the pissed-off masses are all over this giant map and tougher to coagulate into anything resembling a cohesive unit.
We have varying interpretations of the 2nd Amendment (personally, I hate guns; it’s like killing by remote control), but the way I read it, the founders were all for dissent by the people if the government should consider itself more important than ‘We The People.’
Since I hate guns, I also do not support any of those freaky-ass militia groups. It’s one of those, right-idea, wrong-way deals. Sure, it would be faster to eradicate every piece-of-shit bribe-taking asshole in our government, and probably more efficient, but I think we can take it back (am I an idealist?) just by being loud and vocal, and writing to everyone we know and getting the grass-roots Pissed-Off Party into gear! And roaring loudly!
OK, I don’t like the name, either. But it would send a better message than ‘Green,’ ‘Reform,’ or other wussy names like that. Perhaps the ‘Pissed-Off’ Party would gain some notice. And put the established parties on notice. And somehow, I doubt that the term ‘party’ was arbitrary. They all seem to be living it up!! It’s a hell of a party, until we go into recess. Then, by ridiculous rules, someone can just shut the lights off.
Yes, I’m pissed off at both sides. I don’t agree with whatever rule she invoked to do that.
I don’t agree with filibustering (what a joke).
I don’t agree that a Committee Chair (regardless of party) can decide that a bill will never see the light of day.
What I DO agree with (and it was struck down by someone’s Supreme Court (not sure whose) as being unconstitutional) is the Line-Item Veto. It would keep asshole congress and senate people from adding their own bullshit to a great bill. AND it would keep the bullshit in check. “He voted against funding the rebuilding of schools hit by the last hurricane.” No, he voted against throwing 52 million dollars into the Senate rec-room, or something. But since the funding for the schools was tacked onto the same bill (it should be separate), and he /she didn’t want to be identified with spending for the rec-room (or whatever). Now he’s painted as a school hating, parent-hating, tough shit for you candidate.
I am all for the line-item veto.
September 19th, 2008 at 7:24 pm
Uh oh, Dan’s pissed.
September 19th, 2008 at 7:19 pm
@Dave030- Oh cut the bullshit, don’t buy into that. Don’t. As much as I hate everyone and as pissed as I am on an almost constant basis, I haven’t become a cynic. We’re not a stupid country, we’re not getting dumber. It’s so easy to say that “America’s obsessed with celebrity and who Patrick Dempsey is dating, arf arf arf,” but is that true? Are you? Am I? The people who’ve commented today, saying that they agree with this post and they want some answers, are they? Just because every station forces celebrity gossip down our throats doesn’t mean it’s what we want. Christ. Don’t parrot the pundits. Don’t be a part of the problem.
@MVFU- I’m not running for anything, but I’m still sad to lose your vote. And I’m not the media, either. But bullshit all over your face, “the news media and networks have no responsibility.” They do. They do, they do, of course they do, don’t you get it? Don’t you fucking get it? That’s all they have. This isn’t “This is America, I can report on whatever I want, bleep boop blorp.” They’re the media. It’s not their role to be liked by either the people or the candidates, it is their responsibility to get the truth. That is what the media is supposed to be.
Don’t you fucking get it?
September 19th, 2008 at 7:11 pm
MVFU, you do know that DOB isn’t ACTUALLY a hard-hitting reporter / private eye, right? His previous blog posts may have mislead you. So please feel free to retreat back to the blogosphere to bitch and be a cynical pseudo-intellectual because you saw someone on television do it and they appeared funny and edgy to you.
September 19th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
Nice point.
The news media isn’t supposed to be government or entertainment… it’s supposed to be both.
I’m voting for my screen name. Write me in.
September 19th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
Holy shit.
DOB is getting -serious-.
As for the article, applause all around, good sir. I respect this article and everything you’re throwing in the face of the media at this point.
PLEASE tell us something useful as opposed to standing in front of one candidate and performing vigorous oral sex on him/her and feeding us the result.
Kudos, Mr. O’Brien.
September 19th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
I would not vote for you, because as you try to make your point you take away all its credibility by making your point. What is this election about media? You are media, and instead of reporting something credible about the candidates, you bitch about others not reporting something about the candidates. So you should be chewing yourself out for being a hypocrite. Also, the news media and networks have no responsibility to report on any certain thing. They are not required by law to report on certain issues so they can report on whatever they wish. Perhaps they are the ones most able to take the responsibility, but no they don’t have to be responsible at all. As far as the bias, who cares, you should all be smart enough to see through it, and since you can’t you just bitch about things that have nothing to do with nothing. For instance, the statement that taxes at this time will hurt our economy is ridiculous, but everyone agrees because they don’t want to be personally responsible for helping solve the problem, but would rather have corrupt officials further put our country in ruin and get money to ease the squeeze that they are individually going through. For the most part it doesn’t matter who is elected because most of the decisions will be the same. We as citizens could actually stand up and do whats right for once, but instead, we will stand on the sidelines, eating the comfort food that we bought with our $600 checks and wearing the blinders that we bought so we could ease our paranoia.
September 19th, 2008 at 6:28 pm
Oh! And!
Anyone with the slightest familiarity with Roman history would recognize that we are now in the ‘Bread and Circuses’ phase of OUR ‘decline and fall.’
September 19th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
The American public has been anesthetized against caring about anything other than who’s this week’s hot celebrity and who’s their current date. Who married whom or who broke up with whom. Entertainment Tonight, Extra, and recently, TMZ, make it seem that those things are the only things that are important.
Sure, I have to pay $4 for a gallon of gas, but who is Patrick Dempsey dating?
Who gives a fuck? Other than Patrick Dempsey.
Don’t you want to know about the financial downward-spiral this country has taken, and look into why? And how it might be improved (not sure about fixed anytime soon).
Why the rest of the world hates us, or considers us insignificant? Iran, N. Korea, Russia are all thumbing their noses at us. How do we work on that?
Nope, the average American wants to see who’s got it in for someone else on Survivor.
Fucking pathetic!
September 19th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
And don’t pretend you were being sarcastic, ironic or satirical. You’re like every dumbass comedian who gets caught out making an offensive remark and tries to cover their tracks.
September 19th, 2008 at 6:06 pm
Wiglaf: It’s still you, because I can’t make any fucking sense of what you’re talking about.
September 19th, 2008 at 6:06 pm
@Voice of Reason
You think that “the media” consists entirely of FOX News? The vast majority of news stations and papers are the ones screaming over Palin’s husband having gotten a DUI decades ago, her daughter’s pregnancy, etc.
September 19th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
@I Hate Donkeys
Are you fucking serious? You think the media is biased toward Democrats? After their fawning coverage over Palin? Anyone that’s not retarded sees that the media’s bias is toward ratings. Whatever they think the people will tune in to is what they’ll show. Most people are too dumb to understand discussion about policy and issues, so they just talk about stupid crap like lipstick on pigs.
September 19th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
Kate Says: “None of us need the policicians to patronize us, use small words so we can understand, or not give details because it’s ‘too complicated’ - please!”
You must be far smarter than me then. (Or at least care much more than me.) The hot button issues are not nearly as prevalent as people think. Totally boring shit that I don’t care about, such as “the Missisquoi and Trout Rivers Wild and Scenic River Study Act of 2008″ and stuff totally beyond my comprehension like the ‘09 budget breakdown make up the day to day gov’t business. http://www.whitehouse.gov/omb/budget/fy2009/budget.html
People are getting dumber, and the issues are getting more complex. With a mix like that, why would the mainstream media waste their time actually trying to explain the candidates’ positions? That would absolutely KILL the ratings.
P.S. I know I’m referring more to Congressional stuff than presidential, but it’s the same boat.
September 19th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
Wow DOB-Great job! And I must say, why isn’t Chris Elliot bigger? Get A Life–best show ever!
September 19th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
Fuck it. That’s what I say. Fuck it all. If America tried to fuck me over, I’ll move to Mexico. Or Canada. Or someplace. Ghana.
All this damn propaganda makes me want to slice my ballsack open and mail my severed testicles to each of the candidates.
September 19th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
Best blog yet.
September 19th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
A resounding ‘here here!’ to just about everything you said, especially in regards to Palin and that freaking plane. As an Alaskan, the only thing I’m more tired of hearing about is Palin’s pregnant daughter, Bristol, and her pitiable baby-daddy, Levi.
I don’t know which is worse, naming a child after a large body of water or an article of clothing.
September 19th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
Panzer-Stier Ross Says,
Could you tell sarcasm if it hit you in the face? It was strawman to strawman. If Tillberry wants to feel sorry for Americans if Obama doesn’t get in office, than I can feel sorry for Tillberry because of muslims and CCTV. Who’s fucking ignorant now?
September 19th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
It’s going to hell, but not because of muslims and CCTV cameras. Maybe if you’d actually been you wouldn’t be so fucking ignorant.
Don’t ever assume anything about another country just because it says so on the news. If the news was true I’d be in money woes.
Oh wait, I’m not a large scale investor in any banks or mortgage lenders. Oh well.
September 19th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
Personally, I don’t know what sucks worse. The media coverage of the elections which is one big smear of those they don’t support (which are the Republicans). are the lame-ass attempts at humor about it.
September 19th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
Jennifer Watson,
You could replace “McBush/Failin” with “Obama/Biden” and you’d get an equally accurate statement.
So, I guess people will vote for the lesser of two weevils.
September 19th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
Panzer-Stier Ross,
No I’ve never been to England. I just believe everything I read in the news. England is going to hell in a hand basket (and it will all be recorded on video!). However, I figure Trillberry has never been to the U.S. Obama sucks harder than Britney Spears at an alcoholic lollipop convention. Trillberry should realize that England has plenty of stifling politics of its own. Obama isn’t going to make one whit of difference for the better in U.S. politics whatever Trillbery thinks. Obama’s style of speech is already getting worn and its glossy facade is fading to reveal the emptiness behind.
Don’t get me wrong. McCain/Palin blows harder than Paris Hilton at a bachelor party. Either way, politics is going to continue to be more pathetic than republicans attempting to produce comedy.
September 19th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Wow, I didn’t even have to read through nine paragraphs of DOB’s nutty interactions with his boss (insert pun here) Jack.
September 19th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
I think I’ll advocate presidential electons be held by fights to the death. With plastic lighsabers. Whoever wants it most can have it.
Or possibly have the campaigns run like they are now, but instead of being laughed at, the looser is exectued. See who REALLY wants to run. Imagine how many bad politictions would be gone now.
September 19th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
Wow, with all the LIES and deceit spewing from the McBush/Failin side I am surprised they even have any supporters left. How can anyone with a single ounce of common sense support a man whose word means absolutely nothing?
Jester
http://www.Privacy-center.net
September 19th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
Jon Stewart talked about the same thing a while back on Crossfire. You can find it on youtube. Or I can. http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=aFQFB5YpDZE
Jon Stewart keeps asking real questions and the stupid cunts just chuckle and bring up other issues. The media is supposed to be our friend, but right now they’re just entertainment. Shitty entertainment.
September 19th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
I know I’m a little late and the comments section has already spiraled out of control and totally lost focus, but…I’m kind of impressed. I saw that DOB had a new blog and I figured I could look forward to some hilarious Jack-rhyming/starlet stalking/ridiculusly off topic story. Instead I get a serious article about how retarded our media is… Not nearly as funny as usual, but it was nice to see DOB actually sounding intelligent…no offense
September 19th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
As far as the Canadian Federal election goes, I kinda like the way we do it….
There was a Prime Minister named Harper, and one day he decided that it was time to call an election because apparently most of the other kids on the playground wouldn’t play with him (or invite him to their birthday parties because they are just assholes). He decided that he needed to get more of his own friends together with him so he asked the reigning figure head if he could light a fire under the current government and call it a day and she said yes because, quite frankly, she is as scared of his satan-eyes as the rest of us.
Now, it is a little known fact that Canadians can handle the ridiculous for only so long (Red Green notwithstanding), so they called for the election to take place in 6 weeks. Leaving little time for the voters to get bored and wander off, or even make a clear, logical choice. It’s the “hurry and vote before you miss your chance because we are in a rush to do little more than we did since the last time we did this” style of election; which sharply contrasts the “let’s drag this out and overshadow every bloody other thing that is going on in the world for the past two years until you don’t care who gets elected, you just want the damn thing to end already!!!” approach to elections.
An example:
I don’t know about you, but I always seemed to pull an all-nighter before a big test or assignment was due when I was in school. I was comfortable with it because it was so familiar to me. Who needs to plot an outline, write a rough copy, edit it and so on, when you can main line caffeine, write the only copy while citing sources that don’t actually exist and rip the copyright information page out of the front of a bunch of books you have lying around at home and staple them to the back of your essay and call them “the bibliography”. No planning, just relief that you managed to put something on paper that could conceivably be called your own work and either you’ll fail or maybe, just maybe, the prof. will feel guilty that he didn’t realise sooner how stunningly retarded you were and pass you because you were able to spell your own name correctly AND use the stapler.
When using the planned approach, if you you only have yourself to blame if you fuck up. If you pull the all-night you can blame the fact that you are retarded if it all goes to shit. And it will, no matter what.
Also it helps to only pay heed to the advice of the media if the media advice you are heeding comes from “Marg, Warrior Princess”. Unless of course Red Green runs, then Heaven help us all.
September 19th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Wiglaf, it’s a bit overdue but do you live in the UK at all?
September 19th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Hey, the bottom line is, she sold the plane.
September 19th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
Well, she did sell the plane.
September 19th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
Theoretically a car could run on 911 - or at least all the wind that comes out of Guiliani’s mouth about 911.
September 19th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
I think the McCain-Spain soundbite is pretty interesting, though. As in horrifying, I mean.
September 19th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
“and crash it directly into the White House”
Terrorist watch list in 3… 2… 1…
September 19th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
As long as we keep hitting him in the nuts with an anchor.
September 19th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
so does this mean we can vote for Chris Elliot?
September 19th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
[...] Regardless of what side of the aisle you fall on (and if you’re reading this, I assume you’re a godless liberal communist feminist pinko libertarian abortionist taxing-and-spending community organizing Muslim who doesn’t think 9/11 changed <i>everything</i>, just like yours truly), this is a worthwhile read. Read it here. [...]
September 19th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Damn statch i didnt know you were in the political field as well. when did you have time to learn about this, during your 5 years of situps?
September 19th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
You know what’s freaky about the media?
Places that are supposed to be a joke: The Daily Show - and now I think I can add Cracked on there - they’re the ones who are actually stopping and saying something *sane* about the elections…I guess we all know where to go now for fair and balanced!!
September 19th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
DOB… You really surprised me on this article.
I didn’t laugh as much as I usually do because you wrote what appears to be a well thought out and frustrated message to the media. I completely agree with you. The media isn’t an extension of the government and they don’t endorse candidates so they should be fair and stay on topic when it comes to platforms and issues. They have gotten so cowardly and reserved that they can’t dig up the really important information anymore. They just let the candidates walk all over them for fear of what? Are they afraid of being fired? I think that true journalism is dead and the lobbying of information for ratings is alive and well.
September 19th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
I like funny words. This was funny words. Thank you for funny, DOB.
September 19th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
Why isn’t Chris Elliot significantly popular than he is right now? He’s only one of the funniest people alive. Who has watched the Get A Life episode about him getting his build-your-own submarine and not held their sides with laughter, or seen the man under the stairs complaining about how loud Letterman is and not secretly wished they could be best friends with him?
Nobody, that’s who.
Kudos to you, Mr. O’Brien.
September 19th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
LoneHeero, I’m pretty sure kingmonkey was using sarcasm there. I’ve read some of his other comments, and that seems to be a nasty habit of his. Bad monkey, posting humorous comments on a humor website!
September 19th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
Well, I certainly didn’t hate the post. The bitterness expressed therein refreshed me from my growing depression of being the seemingly only person who’s pissed off about the current sociopolitical climate.
Right on, my man!
September 19th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
In referance to
“On that note, I’d like Bucholz to write a similar article on the upcoming Canadian federal elections, as I haven’t yet made up my mind, and require someone to tell me for whom to cast my ballot.” By kingmonkey
As a fellow Canadian I’m disgusted at that statement. Asking someone else to make this important call for you is sicking. Is it that hard to be a free thinker? If you do not know who to choose then vote for NDP, or Green party. Sure they are not going to win, but the more votes they get, the more money they are given for the next election
September 19th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
The issue isn’t with how many stupid people are out there - don’t even want to go there - the issue is being treated as stupid people by the policiticans. And they can get away with it because no one seems willing (or has the balls) to call them on their stupid over-generalized responses. None of us need the policicians to patronize us, use small words so we can understand, or not give details because it’s ‘too complicated’ - please! Hmmm, maybe it’s because they fear we might actually challenge them with intelligent, complicated questions…..and they have no clue how to answer because they have no idea or plan……
September 19th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
DOB is right!
but what’s next? do we use the trust the double-edged freedom/anonymity blade of the internet to inform our opinions?
Lead us Daniel!