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The Nooner: R. Kelly, Petster and Hillary Clinton in a Bikini

Awesome Video Of The DayR. Kelly - Real Talk (Behind The Scenes)

Full disclosure: I'm a huge R. Kelly fan. Dude is completely out of his mind but has somehow tricked the entire R&B community into overlooking it because, you know, his sex jams are soooo tight. Having apparently just heard about a new video sharing internet website called YouTube, R. Kelly brings us a behind the scenes look at what it's like to hang out with him in the studio. Apparently, you spend most of your time sitting in a corner while Kelly pretends to sing an argument into a cordless phone. In his own words:

"I decided to do this shit, Real Talk, on YouTube because I think it's a great song - you know what I'm sayin' - even though there's a lot of profanity in it, but the profanity represents just how real shit gets when you arguin' with your girl and shit... you know what I'm sayin'?"

We know exactly what you're sayin', Kels. Next time I'm arguing with my girl, I'm gonna try saying "real talk" over and over again until she goes into a trance. She'll be like a cobra coming out of a basket and that phrase will be my flute. Then a bunch of dudes will start brawling right behind me, and I'll get all pissed and yell "turn the camera off!" That'll make it more real.

I may also try using the line "what they eat don't make us shit." Can't hurt, right?

When MySpace Fails

If you're like me, you're tired of all the usual social network sites. MySpace, Friendster, Facebook, even Orkut... total snoozefest. Listing your favorite bands, movies and TV shows is pass. You're a unique snowflake, someone who demands more from your social networking site than the ability to leave comments for all of your best acquaintances. You have very specific tastes, but don't worry - there are plenty of off-the-radar sites ready to cater to them. For example...

Petster.comDo you have a burning desire to bring your pet into the exciting realm of Web 2.0, but shudder at the thought of its profile sitting on a server somewhere mixed in with humans, goths and teenagers? Forget MySpace - it's full of trash and pederasts. Instead, you'll probably want to head over to Petster.com: "Where pets rule!" Worried that you won't be able to use horrible animated backgrounds and animated gifs galore? Think again, my animal-loving friend! Check out Bubbles (aka Bubble, Stinky, Bubbly Wubbly Boo) - his favorite activity is sleeping, his favorite park is "dog park" and his favorite food is "everything!" LOL!

Not a dog lover? Well feast your eyes on Kamikazi, a Lynx Siamese from New Berlin, Wisconsin! Meee-ow! Or how about Flossie from Lancashire, UK? She's a rat who dislikes "sudden surprises"! Tooooo cute!

Warning: Apparently, you have to be at least 18 years of age or older to use Petster. Strange - I thought the only criterion would be crippling unbearable loneliness.

Wild Card

I don't know what it is about this Falling Hillary Clinton Screensaver that I like so much. It's not really a screensaver per se (sometimes she gets stuck on the bubbles and you have to give her a little nudge), so I don't think it serves any real utilitarian function. There's something hypnotic about it that I can't quite put my finger on. Maybe it has something to do with that awesome face she's making.

I would say you should avoid the bikini version, but who am I kidding? You know you're gonna click it anyway.

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Ross Wolinsky

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