8:10 PMRoss Wolinsky - You know what? I want to meet this Joe Sixpack character.
8:10 PMMichael Swaim - He's hanging out at my place. He's now Joe Fourpack.
8:10 PMDan O'Brien - "If I'm Vice President, I'm gonna stop corruption...Just seems like a no-brainer."
8:10 PMMichael Swaim - And he's pissed about the subprime mortgage crisis, I can telly ou that.
8:10 PMDan O'Brien - "And you know what? No more poor people. Am I missing something? No more poor people or crime."
8:11 PMMichael Swaim - "Rainbows? Is that...yeah? Yeah!"
8:11 PMRoss Wolinsky - That sounded pretty smart for a woman who didn't know that Fannie & Freddy weren't OWNED BY THE GOVERNMENT uhh... how long ago was that? Oh yeah... TWO WEEKS AGO.
8:11 PMDan O'Brien - I agree with Ross, I want to store my coins in Joe Biden's eyes.
8:11 PMRoss Wolinsky - In these days of economic crisis, please, America: STORE YOUR MONEY IN JOE BIDEN'S TINY COIN SLOT EYES.
8:12 PMMichael Swaim - They show weakness by looking at the moderator instead of each other. When will they learn: we just want a staring competition.
8:12 PMMichael Swaim - I think you're underestimating how unsavory the retrieval process would be.
8:12 PMDan O'Brien - Okay, so last week Barack said "McCain is right" over and over again. Today, Joe Biden is saying "Barack was right." By transitive property, Joe Biden is doing more work for McCain in this debate than Palin.
8:12 PMDan O'Brien - Okay, I've started a new drinking game.
8:12 PMMichael Swaim - Darn Right X 2
8:12 PMDan O'Brien - Take a sip whenever I want to have sex with Sarah Palin.
8:13 PMDan O'Brien - Up! Side on the people.
8:13 PMRoss Wolinsky - Everytime Dan O'Brien wants to have sex with Sarah Palin, Joe Biden smiles.
8:16 PMMichael Swaim - Oh wait I get it. Shit. You're racist. That's funny.
8:16 PMMichael Swaim - Gladstone laughs when a dab gruel from the corner of his mouth.
8:16 PMMichael Swaim - I*
8:16 PMMichael Swaim - Poor bastard.
8:16 PMDan O'Brien - You know, this whole election has been about Barack, McCain, and Sarah. I don't think anyone realizes that Biden has been sneaking around. Do you guys know anything about Biden? He is FUCKING INSANE.
8:17 PMMichael Swaim - I hear so much about the middle class, but as a billionare Blogger, I somehow can't bring myself to care.
8:17 PMRoss Wolinsky - The middle class makes me SICK.
8:17 PMDan O'Brien - If he proposed some kind of weather-controlling device tonight, I don't think I'd be surprised.
8:17 PMDan O'Brien - Biden's just this totally quirky, strange, odd little man that no one's listening to.
8:17 PMMichael Swaim - I'm typing this on a diamond.
8:17 PMMichael Swaim - That's the level of wealth we're talking about here.
8:17 PMRoss Wolinsky - YOU HAVE ,Timezone:-5.2 MILLION IN ASSETS. THAT IS NOT THE MIDDLE CLASS.
8:18 PMMichael Swaim - Like Kucinich.
8:18 PMDan O'Brien - Sarah's talking to the Government.
8:18 PMMichael Swaim - That's because she actually thinks it's a sentient being.
8:18 PMDan O'Brien - Look at her swinging that head. She WANTS me to have sex with her.
8:18 PMMichael Swaim - She imagines a large friendly man that she can have conversations with about votes and such.
8:19 PMMichael Swaim - Bush must feel so abandoned right now.
8:19 PMRoss Wolinsky - Question: If someone hates the government so much, why do they want to be the President?
8:19 PMDan O'Brien - Are you guys picking up on Palin's subtext? If you take every third word she says, there's a hidden message.
8:19 PMMichael Swaim - This country needs a President with vocal poise.
8:20 PMMichael Swaim - They got 3 trillion dollars by taxing MY health care?!
8:20 PMMichael Swaim - I knew that vasectomy bill was high.
8:20 PMDan O'Brien - You know, with McCain, we get about an additional 396 back each year, as far as taxes go. With Obama, we get about 1,100. Let's vote for Obama.
you know its possible to be pro life and pro choice. I'm that way. I think that abortion is immoral, and irresponsible and should never have to happen, but I dont belive the federal governmen should be able to say if its ok or not. It should be left up to the states to decide.
They all did good. I'm proud of them. Taught them everything they know, to be honest. Took me a whole five minutes, a few pints of "Early Times" vodka, and a couple of pre scripted jokes I was done with. I mean honestly...Sarah Palin getting on the stick...shes got FIVE kids. The question is, does she ever get OFF of it?
I think Ross is the smart one, but Dan is the real winner tonight. He only wrote one joke, but was able to milk it for the whole debate. Maximum comedy, minimum effort.
That's pro work there.
It was close for a while, but then Dan got to "Olive Garden" and locked it up.
At some points in there, Palin seemed like she was going to return to Alaska (energy producing state, in case you missed that.) in tears, DOB. I think you might be able to fix that. Not behind a Denny's though. That's dirty.
Politics is never funny. It's hilarious. Plus, remember...theres the very real chance that Palin could be the next president. Cause McCain is friggen ancient. And although it would be awesome, who wants a president whose every other countries leaders are trying to nail? This could lead to confusion. Namely, where I stand in the aforementioned nailing.
Sweet! Go ROSS! Or...eh..Dan...Swain? Ya know what? How do we know you haven't been talking for all three of you all night? Now I'm sus**cious. Someones been on the stick.
Say it ain't so, Joe.
There. A nice summation of the debate. Your welcome.
fantastically funny. do it again!
ReplyWhens the next debate
Replythat was terrificulous
Replybeautiful. I was actually in Wasilla last week (sky-diving), and yes, their main street is two blocks long.
Replybut wait, it gets better. those two streets have a WAL-MART on them.
and you most certainly can get a boner in alaska, but only through sheer concentrated power of will.
Man they need to make the Team of Mavericks TV show.
Reply"huge blunders throughout this administration, as there have in every administration. I have four planed for the first year. One on my birthday!"
McMilf 08!
it's all good
Replydon'r worry, be happy.
May be beauty we love be what we do...
or desire
you folks rock!
Man this was great. Now i expect this at every single debate EVER. Do not disappoint me now.
Replyyou know its possible to be pro life and pro choice. I'm that way. I think that abortion is immoral, and irresponsible and should never have to happen, but I dont belive the federal governmen should be able to say if its ok or not. It should be left up to the states to decide.
ReplyThey all did good. I'm proud of them. Taught them everything they know, to be honest. Took me a whole five minutes, a few pints of "Early Times" vodka, and a couple of pre scripted jokes I was done with. I mean honestly...Sarah Palin getting on the stick...shes got FIVE kids. The question is, does she ever get OFF of it?
ReplyHa! Now thats comedy gold.
I think Ross is the smart one, but Dan is the real winner tonight. He only wrote one joke, but was able to milk it for the whole debate. Maximum comedy, minimum effort.
ReplyThat's pro work there.
It was close for a while, but then Dan got to "Olive Garden" and locked it up.
HOTT
ReplyWell, no problem. She can wear the makeup. I've no problem with that. Mascara can sponsor her even. It would be like Nascar. But with nudity.
ReplyCourse I spoze you could use them for gripping.
ReplyAt some points in there, Palin seemed like she was going to return to Alaska (energy producing state, in case you missed that.) in tears, DOB. I think you might be able to fix that. Not behind a Denny's though. That's dirty.
ReplyApplebees is where it's at.
I'm telling you man. Without that makeup I bet she looks like a hag. She's got jowls that the makeup is straining to cover!
ReplyPolitics is never funny. It's hilarious. Plus, remember...theres the very real chance that Palin could be the next president. Cause McCain is friggen ancient. And although it would be awesome, who wants a president whose every other countries leaders are trying to nail? This could lead to confusion. Namely, where I stand in the aforementioned nailing.
ReplyAlso, thanks Cracked guys. Politics is more fun when it's funny.
ReplyOooh, straight talk at the afterparty with Soledad O'Brien.
ReplyThanks, Sheriff. We'll work on that for next time. Not making promises, but we'll see what we can do.
ReplySweet! Go ROSS! Or...eh..Dan...Swain? Ya know what? How do we know you haven't been talking for all three of you all night? Now I'm sus**cious. Someones been on the stick.
ReplySay it ain't so, Joe.
There. A nice summation of the debate. Your welcome.