It’s been an interesting week here at the Cracked blog; my fellow writer Gladstone took some hits after posting a joke about the resemblance of a police sketch of a murder victim to the mascot of a certain humor magazine (which coincidentally was the inspiration for a knock-off franchise which would, years later, give birth to this very site).
Criticism was somewhat intense; phrases such as “maggot snot,” “pathetic excuse for comedic writing,” and “I’ll make you paint a sketch in your own blood” were thrown around. Which is fine—I believe it was Ben Franklin who said that the tree of great comedy websites must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of tasteless bloggers and commenters with poor spelling. Or words to that effect.
I felt somewhat guilty, however, since I believe I’ve done much worse in the past. You see, before we came to the happy pastures of Cracked, Mr. Gladstone and I used to ply our trade for a (sadly departed) site where the police sketch/Alfred E. Neuman joke would have rated fairly low on the offensiveness scale. To share just a few examples of the depths of comic depravity I was willing to plumb in those crazy days of my squandered youth, I’ll have you know that I…
- Suggested that the President’s tears for fallen soldiers were really due to the cancellation of “The O.C.”
- Asked whether Anne Frank was “Hot or Not”
- Reminded readers that even amidst the sadness of the Virginia Tech shootings, there were still hotties to be found
- Wrote a post on a woman accused of placing her child in the microwave titled “Baby, Baby, Don’t Get Cooked on Me“
- Created a cut-out sign for teenage fans inviting R. Kelly to pee on them
- Cured readers of the desire to look at celebrity crotch-shots by surprising them with pictures of national tragedies
- Used a story about corpse mutilation in Somalia to make a joke about “I Love the 80s“
… and last but not least:
- Went out of my way to declare my dislike of Sinbad when he was rumored to be dead, then mourned said rumors when they were sadly laid to rest.
However, lest you believe that the space where my heart should be contains only an icy, desperate void, I’ll have you know that I am not completely without compassion. For example, I waited for three entire hours after Anna Nicole Smith’s tragic demise to create this graphic:
Last 5 posts by Ian Cooper
- Ian's Unnecessary Farewell Post Roundup - January 31st, 2008
- Economic Meltdown: What Can YOU Do? - January 24th, 2008
- Ian's Unnecessary News Roundup - January 22nd, 2008
- When LOLcats Attack! - January 18th, 2008
- Ian's Unnecessary News Roundup - January 17th, 2008
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Good thing I believe in reincarnation. I’d rather be reborn an insect than share hell with Anna Nicole Smith.
December 6th, 2007 at 1:16 am
whenever anyone gives me shit about something being “offensive” or “unecessary and vile”, i just tell them to go fuck my eight year old daughter.
-J
hint: i don’t really have an eight year old daughter. but if i did… man i’d be a great father.
December 2nd, 2007 at 6:01 am
“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.”
-Mel Brooks
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December 1st, 2007 at 12:08 pm
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December 1st, 2007 at 11:43 am
As a huge fan of sick humor, this was great!
Absolutely LOVED the composit pic comparison. It was dead on!
And for all those offended, come on! Don’t tell me YOU weren’t thinking the exact same thing!
December 1st, 2007 at 9:58 am
And here’s floatfish’s comment in the original Chinese!
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December 1st, 2007 at 4:22 am
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November 30th, 2007 at 8:39 am
I was making jokes about getting shot while I was still in the hospital. I think that gives me a right to make jokes about it because it happened to me.
On another note guys, there’s no better way to guarantee yourself a second date than to get shot. Just take it somewhere non-lethal… like the leg.
November 30th, 2007 at 7:36 am
Wow, so suddenly frat boys are giving psychological advice.
They do have a point though, or just use Kurt Vonnegut’s advice.
“So it goes.”
November 30th, 2007 at 3:05 am
I agree with Moebius. If you can’t make a joke about something that happened you, you’re still hung up on it. So get over it and laugh. Apparently it’ medicinal or some shit.
November 30th, 2007 at 2:02 am
Only complete assholes would make rape jokes.
November 29th, 2007 at 8:01 pm
Jaek,
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November 29th, 2007 at 6:54 pm
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RESTCP!!!
just keep ‘em coming
November 29th, 2007 at 4:43 pm
*feelings
*perspective
Sorry for the dumb typos. We need an edit function.
November 29th, 2007 at 4:36 pm
In terms of the abstract, all of that is quite funny. No one here was best friends with Anne Frank, so that’s not going to impact any personal feeligns or thoughts.
Things of this nature only cease to be funny when something similar has happened to you or someone you care about. But that is typically what it takes for someone to gain prespective. A person who loves rape jokes would likely stop making them if they were subjected to that type of violence. It’s quite easy to point and laugh at the misfortune of others until then.
November 29th, 2007 at 4:01 pm
Agreed. There is no such thing as too far.
I didn’t even realize there was any sort of “controversy” about that post with the Alfred E. Neuman sketch. That’s fucking stupid. Grow a pair, losers.
November 29th, 2007 at 2:22 pm
I dont usually write replies but this time i was so offended i felt compelled to!
November 29th, 2007 at 2:08 pm
Hey guys, I just saw this crappy composite sketcher’s drawing of that girl they found in a storage bin and it looks EXACTLY like Alfred E. Neuman! Now that’s comedy!
November 29th, 2007 at 12:52 pm
All that shit was HILARIOUS. The Anne Frank one is gold.
November 29th, 2007 at 11:17 am
I always just think about some classic George Carlin:
Quote: People say, “Rape!? You can’t joke about rape! Rape’s not funny.”
Fuck you, I think it’s hilarious and I’ll prove it… imagine Porky Pig raping Elmer Fudd. Why do you think they call him Porky?
People are too sensative. If you don’t like it, stop reading. This isn’t “Clockwork Orange.” You’re not being strapped in a chair with things to hold your eyes open being forced to.
November 29th, 2007 at 10:34 am
Ian, you sick bastard. I usually like everything on the Cracked blog, but this was sick and tasteless.
November 29th, 2007 at 9:40 am
It’s like American Psycho. You know it’s wrong, but you can’t help but laugh that he talks about music and the undertones in the music right before he butchers them (or intermitently tells two whores what to do to eachother then continues on with what he’s saying. “Don’t just look at it… eat it” . Anyone who’s seen that movie can’t forget that line.
I know it’s wrong, but that graphic of Anna Nicole Smith is hilarious.
November 29th, 2007 at 9:25 am
There is no such thing as too far, as long as it’s FUNNY. Keep on keepin’ on, cracked.