This past Tuesday during a show at Red Rocks, the band Coldplay gradually and eventually all fell asleep during one of their songs (something about “changing the world” or “making a better world” or “the girl is my world”). Some of them rested their heads on their instruments, while others went the horse route and just fell asleep standing up. The crowd began cheering to wake them up, but the band just slept right through it, staying stationary for the remainder of the concert. After about ten minutes, many people started filing out and eventually the band woke up to an empty venue.
The fans were not as upset as one might think, though, despite the fact that their money was not returned to them. “We were kind of relieved, because we all had to get up early the next morning for class,” say all the fans. “Yeah, we’re all in high school.”
The band opened with ‘Yellow,’ which went off without a hitch. “‘Yellow’ is my favorite song by us,” says lead singer Chris Martin, “Actually, I would say it’s the only song by us that I like. Once we got into the other songs, I think we all just sort of lost interest. In retrospect, we probably should have played ‘Yellow’ last so we would have had something to look forward to.”
Martin doesn’t speak for the entire band, though. Drummer Will Champion points out, “I’m actually a huge fan of the band. I like all our songs. I just didn’t sleep much the night before and I think I had a bad pear for breakfast.”
“I’m with Chris,” says lead guitarist Jonny Buckland. “We just don’t really do anything for me. And to be completely honest, for that first year, I thought I was actually in Radiohead.”
Clearly, the band is not especially phased by the incident and will continue to rock the collective youth. “I want to say I’m embarrassed,” says Martin, “but that’s just the price you pay for making music and playing it at concerts.” Buckland quickly pointed out that they didn’t actually play any music. Then they broke up.
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November 18th, 2009 at 1:03 am
In an attempt to miss the point - haha, no. An American complaining about Coldplay (who are far from bad and admittedly a little less far from boring) is insanely retarded when the best chart music you can give us is invariably flow rider or tracks 1-222 inclusive of I am sasha fierce (wtf). Again and again. Forever.
Make some decent pop music with guitars and get back to us. Kthx
November 16th, 2009 at 7:57 pm
Hilarious stuff… 32_20’s comment not the crap Cody posted.
October 28th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
Huge web site and definitive this post, also with NetSentry displayed well.
October 16th, 2009 at 8:33 pm
you think this was bad? you should listen to his old band, the Picards.
October 16th, 2009 at 6:34 pm
Keep up the good work, Cody!
October 14th, 2009 at 7:31 am
really GOOD, mind you.
October 14th, 2009 at 7:30 am
In much the same way that venereal diseases are a really method of population control in third world nations with dismal standards of living, yes.
October 13th, 2009 at 5:27 pm
This was really good. =)
October 13th, 2009 at 10:48 am
CALM?!?!?! I AM CALM!!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE////
As far as Cody goes, we watch and wait.
In a week, we release the fire ants.
October 13th, 2009 at 9:50 am
yeah, alright ok….calm down lil 32_20Blues…..Ive read a few of Cody’s stuff, and ill eat my words a bit and say, yeah, some of his stuff is quite amusing….this particular article not so much so, but still….it proves he doesnt have all bad, and not all good
suppose me and jimnonnoobcake were just jumping on a bandwagon….boredom and youth are my excuses, what are his?
October 12th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
@jimbobnoobcake, BreakoutGenerator:
Yeah, no. My post wasn’t really that funny, I had simply run out of creative ways to bash Cody. To that end, Cody’s actually quite amusing. We just gave him the ol’ “welcome to Cracked” greeting, which consists mainly of getting sloshed at work and flaming him for no reason.
If you honestly believe I’m somehow “better”, you need to go watch his first few “Game Helpin Squad” videos.
Then, reverse time, open your space inventory, and watch them again.
October 11th, 2009 at 8:15 pm
After I read the article I took another look at the picture and just started cracking up.
I think I like you Cody. lol
October 11th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
This is a good article.
October 11th, 2009 at 11:30 am
i like cody, he seems cool. i was dragged to a coldplay concert and it was pretty good. not as sleepy and boring as their albums.
October 11th, 2009 at 10:23 am
I saw them live, and they were actually very energetic and driving, something I didn’t expect at all from Coldplay.
October 11th, 2009 at 10:18 am
Another good article. not all of them are good, but as this shows, not all of them are bad. Some people need to calm the fuck down, just because Cracked is going for a small bit of ever so slightly more advanced humor. If you don’t evolve, you die out.
October 11th, 2009 at 8:21 am
Aside from the fact I do enjoy both Cracked and TheOnion, Cody seems ok. Some of his stuff, like this article are a bit funny, but lets just hope after a few weeks he like finds himself or some shi.
October 11th, 2009 at 6:26 am
This is very Onionesque, but I like it. I am a fan of this Cody character.
October 11th, 2009 at 5:59 am
lol.
now this i liked
October 10th, 2009 at 6:41 pm
Lol at 32_20 trying to become a columnist. What a fucker.
October 10th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
All of your articles just seem like poor attempts to parody The Onion.
October 10th, 2009 at 3:02 pm
it’s kinda funny. funny the quiet way.
The radiohead line was funny, mostly because it’s probably true. And we all gotta understand his point. Coldplay are kinda fake, and way bigger then they should be. Chris martin once said: ” At this point we couldn’t get any bigger, so we’re working on getting better.. ”
I rest my case.
October 10th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
im with jimbobnoobcakes….32_20 should replace Cody…i mean, his stuff is alright….but…fuck it i dont know, 32_20 is just better….i believe you have sex…sorta
October 10th, 2009 at 11:33 am
@allen, if you’re “to [sic] old to give a flying fuck who cold play is,” aren’t you too old to be hiding behind the internet’s anonymity for the sake of flaming? Not very flattering.
October 10th, 2009 at 10:50 am
32_20 should write for cracked
October 10th, 2009 at 9:06 am
not as funny as the onion. and also i like coldplay.
October 10th, 2009 at 9:05 am
much like an onion article, this indeed does have potential to be printed out and used as my next piece of asswipe paper…..not so much because im to old to give a flying fuck who cold play is and how much they suck(like every other teeny bopper band does) but more due to the fact that this guys sorta sucks at his “job”….i do declare that british t.v. is funnier than this dry ass shit
October 10th, 2009 at 8:49 am
lol at 32_20Blues, but i actually kinda liked this arcticle.
Not that much. It read a bit like the onion, except not that funny.
And the onion isn’t that funny, so w/e.
October 10th, 2009 at 8:12 am
I actually liked this article (I think it was the Radiohead line)…and damn, this guy is already better than Seanbaby will ever be.
October 9th, 2009 at 8:16 am
@TeddyRoosevelt
It’s not a column. It’s not even supposed to be funny. It’s my way of pointing out how crappy this article was in the first place.
Of course, you wouldn’t know that, not bothering to read it. I’m not really sure what you’re saying, though, because I just read your name, and the last bit of punctuation you used.
October 8th, 2009 at 9:07 pm
This is funny (save for the first paragraph). Unfortunately, this is his only funny article.
October 8th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
I read like the first 5 words and the last 2 of 32_20’s comment and I must say. What a fag, like anybody really cares about your faggy wannabe “column.” Go shoot yourself in the face. Also, I hate you.
October 8th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
I liked it. Short, but made me laugh.
October 8th, 2009 at 11:39 am
32_20 Falls Asleep Reading Cracked Article:
In a development not seen since Brockway’s Cracked debut, internet misanthrope and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Manawesomeville” dozed off while reading a the above article.
“It’s like my subconscious knocked me out on purpose, to prevent me from finishing the article, or something. I don’t really know what happened. One minute I was reading words, the next I was being shaken awake by my boss for our afternoon Jameson chugging contest,” said the groggy internet surfer.
It is not clear at this time whether this unexpected side effect is due to the subject of the article itself, or the plodding, ineffective style of the article itself. While the band Coldplay has itself been responsible for putting entire listening audiences to sleep at once, the article concerning them appears to have been written by some sort of plodding lovechild of Bob Dole and Ben Stein, the conception and birth of which was probably only marginally more boring than the article itself. For this reason alone, the root cause of 32_20’s sudden onset of Narcolepsy will probably never be entirely clear.
“I mean, what if I had been in the middle of something important while I was reading the article, like sex (which I TOTALLY have) or something,” posited the perturbed peruser. “That could have really sucked! Damn, I should really do something to get back at that sack of dicks.”
When asked what exactly he intended to do, he replied casually “I’m lazy. Probably nothing. I might go write my own shitty article and post it in the comments section. I’ll just shit out a bunch of words and submit it. It will still be better than the drivel I just slept through. Because, seriously, fuck that guy.”
October 8th, 2009 at 2:41 am
wow, all of a sudden, seanbaby’s writing is not the worst on cracked anymore.
please cracked.com, please stop getting worse with every new columnist!
October 7th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
Er… I’m not one to hate, but I’m sorry guy, I’m not yet your fan.
October 7th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
This feels like an article unsuccessfully trying to emulate The Onion, so it’s even less successful on Cracked.
October 7th, 2009 at 5:02 am
I actually thought this was really funny. Especially the bit where one of the band thought he was in Radiohead. Maybe it’s a Brit thing?
October 6th, 2009 at 11:03 pm
still waiting…
October 6th, 2009 at 10:46 pm
This is not a comment
October 6th, 2009 at 9:54 pm
did you just binge on a bunch of speed and try tearing out 10 columns in a day?
October 6th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
Dude I hate to break it to you, but this wasn’t funny at all. I’m not even a fan of Coldplay and yet your article just fell flat. Also if your a columnist why aren’t you listed down below with the other columnists?
October 6th, 2009 at 11:07 am
You’re a columnist, now?
October 6th, 2009 at 10:18 am
Thank goodness, you’re writing and none of us have to hear your voice!!
Totes happy you’re at Cracked 4 reelz, codster.
October 6th, 2009 at 9:19 am
Good but to short maybe?
October 6th, 2009 at 6:13 am
Why is Cracked doing Onion articles now?
October 6th, 2009 at 5:51 am
cher, agreed. however funny it did have an onion feel to it.
October 6th, 2009 at 4:44 am
This read so much like an Onion article.
October 6th, 2009 at 4:36 am
“We just don’t really do anything for me. And to be completely honest, for that first year, I thought I was actually in Radiohead.”
Freaking amazing.
October 6th, 2009 at 4:23 am
I don’t get it…