CNN Wants You To Hate Boobs (or My Cracked Family Is Just Tops In My Book)
So as you may know, I've been beset by computer problems as of late. Problems so bad that there was no HBN last Monday. Now, I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but basically only three things produce revenue for Cracked.com: residuals from Ross selling his life story to the filmmakers of Zodiac; Chris Buckholz's white slavery trade; and Hate By Numbers. Accordingly, the Cracked empire swung into action to get me a loaner laptop.
And only 8 days later, the portable computer arrived. It weighs about 95 pounds. I think they call it "portable" because it comes with a handle and wheels. But it's actually not as heavy as it looks. Turns out that extra space on top was mostly hollow and designed to house the gerbil exercise wheel that generates the unit's power.
But seriously, I have a lot of people to thank for today's episode even being here. And I'd like to name them:
I know no computer would have ever come but for the efforts of Jack O'Brien and Dan O'Brien. I know chasing down model numbers and shipping concerns falls outside of their usual ballywick of playing World of Warcraft all day and I appreciated it.
But that's not all. Ya see, for some reason I was unable to save the media I needed this week, so more help came
Again Jack was on the job.
As was David Wong.
As was Abe Epperson of Those Aren't Muskets.
And even Lex Friedman the star of The News on Cracked, The Week In Douchebaggery, and comments telling me that Hate By Numbers sucks pitched in with technical advice.
A big thanks also to Cracked reader and superstar Bakudai who did the screen captures needed for this week's HBN.
And lastly, while I was busy bitching and whining, Cracked intern Alexander found today's source material.
So yes, it seems we're having an HBN Christmas after all. Feel the love. (Digg = love to neurotic, whiny insecure bloggers.)
Gladstone wants to be your special friend. Check out some more of his stuff HERE.And find out what it's like to be Gladstone's electronic friend. Or a member of the sexiest club on the web!
damn it, all i get is a grey box where the video is supposed to be from this one up to the latest episode.
ReplyI keep staring at that Hooters chic thinking " You know King of Prussia PA. might not be that bad of a place to live.".
ReplyYou're close, J-Pappi! It's actually a Turkish expression, when translated word for word, means 'blue shoe wrapped in tinfoil hanging from a tree'. Yet it is more commonly thought to convey the sentiment: 'Sure, I'll play doctor with you from time to time if that's what it takes'..
ReplyStrange how things don't translate, right?
Sorry, josie; I don't speak Spanish. Does that mean you want a sandwich?
ReplyThanks, kingmonkey + [enter current ], for taking one for the team. I'd be honored.
ReplyPLEASE GOD NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyI can post a picture of my oiled up titties, if you're interested.
ReplyQuid pro quo.
ReplyNot at all, my dear. As W.C. Fields would say, "Young lady, I'm prepared to hear your whole life story." As long as there's a liberal application of oiled/soaped up titties and the like in your dialog you can be assured of keeping the attention of at least one of us. :-)
ReplyActually, my name is Joanna. Everyone calls me "jo"..I tried to get it as a screen name, but they said it was too short.
ReplyHola Petra! I didn't mean to de-feminize you're name..I dated a Mexican, originally from Vera Cruz named Romeo Ruiz. And whatever you want to slather your breasts with is cool..I initially thought you may be male given the way you write like them.
No, hell no, I'm not a vegan. Yes, I prefer soap to fried chicken on my breasts. Oils, indeed, are preferable..but the slippery, massaging fun kind. No herbs necessary. Living in Hawaii, I am oiled up daily.
I'm not a feminist, or whatever the kids are calling themselves these days. I think JanisJoplin is batshit insane.
As far as being one of the REALLY cool kids..well who the fuck knows. The regular posters keep me reading and I'm a fan of Gladstone. I love men and everything about them.
Too gabby, you think?
petra is a mexican chick. Petra being a female name...surely not as feminine as Josie but not Peter either.
Replyjosie, I was being sarcastic about his friends; we are indeed all assholes. You're not one of those "ivory girls" who refuses to get your tits greasy, are you? I mean, we'll still like you and all, but if you REALLY want to be cool around here there are certain initiation rituals. You suggested pita; if you're a vegan let us know in advance and we can come up with some sort of alternative substance to grease. Olive oil, perhaps, with a little fresh basil.
ReplyYeah, and with friends like these, who needs enemies?
ReplyIs petra a chick? A Spanish chick? What's the excitement in having breasts wiped with tortillas? So bread can work too? How 'bout a pita? Oh oh..to soak up the grease. Right, my bad. I wouldn't know.
Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
ReplyUm, J-Pappi? Yeah Glendoor's "friends" called him the devil, warned me he's a slippery fuck, and one called him silly. Kinda sad, ain't it?
Replywhite girl? try beaner. but I wipe my tits with tortillas before I let my macho man squeeze em.
ReplyI've always been more of a leg man than a breast man. I'm lying. I'll take what I can get (which is usually mrs.glendoor42).
ReplyUm, Josie? Apparently you haven't seen his friends list. They're like all from here.
ReplyPetra, what's wrong with greasy tits? As a pimp, I can testify (not THAT kind of testify; hell to the nizzle) that squeezin' on titties with one hand while gnawin' on some extra crispy with the other is the shit. Titties by themselves be good; titties with 11 herbs and s**ces? White girl, please.
BTW, the Bigfoot body is a fake (duh) and if any of you read or see these stories just remember, the man crying on Fox news that he got ripped off is Tom Biscardi and he is a con man and a liar.
ReplyThis is the guy that had the press conference and said he had touched the body of the alleged Bigfoot. IMHO if you can't tell the difference between a costume and a dead animal
you need to find a new vocation besides hunting Bigfoot. For the record, this is the second time he has said he had a Bigfoot body and when that turned out to be fake he sung the same song then.
Glendoor! Dude I was so worried. What nice friends you have..
Reply