It’s common knowledge that the greater and more vital an empire is, the grander and more stylish their haircuts. The ceasars…
What the hell? Clippy? Where did you come from? What is this, 1995?
Oh… god… dammit.
No, listen man: I’ve got work to do here, I’ve got a headache that would wound a god and you’re breaking my flow. Can you just, I don’t know, fuck off for a while?
Ahh, fine. Yes, I suppose I would.
… what?
Hey, man, I’m sorry to hear –
OK! Jesus. I get it. You can stay; just keep out of my way, alright?
You uppity little bastard. I swear to Christ if you don’t knock it off I’ll goddamn delete you.
You wouldn’t.
OK! You can… just do whatever, man. I’ve got to get back to work here. Just try not to be too intrusive. Where was I? Oh, right…
The Caesars ruled most of the known Earth in their day, and the rigid, firm lines of iron discipline in the Caesar Cut reflects this trend-
GODDAMMIT THAT IS IT.
Oh no, Clippy. I’m not going to take you out. You’re totally right. I can’t touch you. But what’s this? What are these subroutines here? C:/Windows/Programs/MS_word/Clippy/Family?
Your daughter, little Clippette, your boy, Clippy, Jr., even your wife Wendy is here. Funny, I’ve never seen them around. Must not be vital to the program, eh?
What was that? I’m sorry, I was away for a second. Doing some cleanup.
I just deleted your wife. Oh, and what’s that? Clippy, Jr.’s, file is corrupted? Little Clippette’s too? Oh, that’s just terrible. Clippy, it… it looks like you’ve got two mentally handicapped kids to take care of now.
I did it, Clippy. I retarded your kids. Are you strong enough for that, Clippy? Are you strong enough to raise two motherless special needs children? Are you strong enough to take care of them, every moment of every day for the rest of their lives? Are you strong enough to do it alone? Are you strong enough to look into their faces and not see the love you lost?
Ouch. Rookie move, Clippy. Everybody knows you’re supposed to go through the mouth for a sure kill. Do I have to finish this for you?
N’gggyleth kkkul N’kkul N’gggyleth Wattqawa Cthulhu! Ry’leth Avk Rttleh Cthulhu!
CTHULHU TKKE TKKE N’GGGYLETH CTHULU CLIPPY!
Right. So. Where was I again?
The Mohawks were among Native America’s fiercest tribes, and the primal spike of the Mohawk Cut echoes that warrior legacy to this day. Sadly, however, the reverse is also true: The shittier an empire, the shittier the haircut. With that in mind, we present to you the 17 Worst Haircuts in The Ottoman Empire…
This entry was posted on Monday, August 24th, 2009 at 4:00 am and is filed under Comics, Microsoft, Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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November 14th, 2009 at 9:39 am
[...] fear not! He’s made a return in an especially delightful article on Cracked.com. Check it. It gave me a good laugh. Who wants to [...]
November 11th, 2009 at 4:27 am
you should make clippy face with tears and pain
i hate that smile
November 9th, 2009 at 11:19 am
I love Clippy.
October 21st, 2009 at 3:21 pm
GOD that was good….
October 17th, 2009 at 4:15 am
haha….that was good….
Do you know what its like being on a Ukrainian computer….great stuff
October 12th, 2009 at 1:29 am
hahaha xkcd tongue in cheek. I love it.
October 5th, 2009 at 12:44 am
Getting rid of clippy or the clippy wanna be is the first thing I do whenever I use Microsoft word
October 4th, 2009 at 6:44 am
[...] He’s more annoying than “Microsoft Bob” or “Clippy”. Well, maybe not Clippy. And just one last thought (swiped from Microsoft’s grinning robots or the Brotherhood of the [...]
September 25th, 2009 at 8:18 am
Fucking awesome
September 25th, 2009 at 12:41 am
Lame. I’m so sick of cthulhu references. Very unoriginal.
September 14th, 2009 at 8:21 pm
Clippy has saved Me more than a few times in the past anf THIS is how you repay him? And whats with the HP Lovecraft references, thats came out of like NOWHERE! ha ha , Poor Clippy!
September 12th, 2009 at 1:35 pm
…the fuck?
September 12th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
My execration of the Word helper family, including the ‘tard paper clip, Dildo the Annoying Wizard, and Poopy the drooling dog, made this one of the most wonderful mockeries I’ve seen on the net in a good while. Seven thumbs up!
September 12th, 2009 at 11:38 am
This has got to be the wet dream of anyone who ever used this version of word, and I love it.
September 11th, 2009 at 7:39 pm
Not cool. No reason to go after his family. What did they ever do?
September 10th, 2009 at 7:55 am
I can’t quit you. I love your writing. I’m glad Clippy capped himself in the head, expressionless, botoxed bastard.
September 6th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
Hell yes xkcd!
September 5th, 2009 at 8:49 am
Oh my gosh, hahaha
I would have loved to do this with him a few years ago (:
September 4th, 2009 at 6:05 pm
Want to mingle with tall singles, tall beautiful women and tall handsome men ???? Here is a very nice place———– Tallfinder.c-o-m ———–It’s where Tall singles looking for someone to enjoy their lifestyle with.You are just seconds away from taking that first step towards the life you have been longing for. hope you have fun..
September 2nd, 2009 at 4:49 pm
got kind of dark for a comic about Clippy.
September 1st, 2009 at 12:10 pm
LoL a Masterpiece, lovecraft, clippy, retarded, excelente
September 1st, 2009 at 5:24 am
Holy Christ I love you.
September 1st, 2009 at 4:27 am
I think we need to start a fanclub for your awesomeness.
August 31st, 2009 at 6:18 pm
You win. At everything. XKCD, cthulhu and clippy. I bow down to you.
August 31st, 2009 at 8:59 am
So you know what I just *literally* LOL’ed about just now?
Here I am, in day two of fighting to break free from Cracked, with around 30 tabs opened to Cracked articles, trying to read them all and keep myself from opening two or three *more* once I reach the end of each of them…
And then I checked out the xkcd comic alluded to here, and read the (extremely) applicable alt text that described doing exactly what I’ve been doing with virtually all of my computer time the past two days.
Of course, xkcd usually hits the nerdy nail right on its geeky head, but this one was like we share the same soul…lol
August 30th, 2009 at 4:54 am
cthulhu
John
look it up
August 29th, 2009 at 9:23 pm
[...] Clippy Finally Messes With the Wrong Word Doc, Cracked.com Här kommer äntligen terapin för alla oss som någon gång brottats med Microsoft Words hjälpgem. Äntligen får det vad det förtjänar! [...]
August 29th, 2009 at 6:47 pm
Chutulu. not cthulu
August 29th, 2009 at 3:47 am
Cthulhu Fhtagn
August 28th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
what about the non-clippy avatars? is the robot, merlin, that cat and other annoying things which I’m ignoring going to get revenge? what happens if CTHULHU didn’t kill clippy but has instead decided to use him as the base for an army of cosmic horrors designed to end the world of man? will 17 Worst Haircuts in The Ottoman Empire get published making XKCD 609 a prophecy? … ah if it happens it happens but seeing clippy shoot himself made my day; I hope that in what ever non-euclidean lovecraftian hell he has ended up in makes him pay for his crimes against users of microsoft office word.
August 28th, 2009 at 5:28 am
XKCD ftw!
August 27th, 2009 at 8:07 pm
Loved the XKCD reference, (The ottoman empire haircuts)
http://www.xkcd.com/609/
August 27th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
hilarious! spit my Vodka & Valium all over my desk but totally worth the clean-up time. thanks muchly, dude.
August 27th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
r007!!
August 27th, 2009 at 3:08 pm
freakin EPIC!!!!!!
August 27th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
that……… was effin jokes
August 27th, 2009 at 8:50 am
so. wonderfully. pleased.
day.made.
August 27th, 2009 at 7:55 am
Funny as all fuck…classic. You, sir, are a splendid fellow.
August 27th, 2009 at 6:22 am
[...] Clippy Finally Messes With the Wrong Word Doc. [...]
August 27th, 2009 at 2:10 am
Absolutely fantastic.
Been waiting for someone to properly screw that fucking clipshit
August 26th, 2009 at 8:20 pm
Best article ever. I love your stuff, Mr. Brockway.
August 26th, 2009 at 7:54 pm
finally!
August 26th, 2009 at 6:00 pm
I’ve read Cracked for a while now…. absolutely love it. But this was the greatest work I’ve ever seen on anything….. ever.
August 26th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
I never even used clippy. I used to always change it to the cat… or the senile old man.
Also: this is awesome.
August 26th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
The ending of this essay is a joke made by well liked webcomic XKCD (when you hold your mouse over the comics a comment will appear)
http://xkcd.com/609/
Oh, and this essay was awsome. Go die clippy.
August 26th, 2009 at 2:36 pm
Saw the 17 worst haircuts bit on its way.
Love it.
August 26th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
ohmyfuckinggod. this is amazing.
August 26th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
I used to hate you, now i think i’m in love.
August 26th, 2009 at 11:37 am
Holy shit.
It was good until the “Do I have to finish this for you?” part.
Then it was fucking amazing.
August 26th, 2009 at 8:11 am
dude,, i see the xkcd reference. nicely done
August 26th, 2009 at 6:59 am
This is a work of art.
August 25th, 2009 at 11:32 pm
Oh, I totally saw that xkcd shoutout there.
August 25th, 2009 at 10:47 pm
That sounded like a horrible article. Also, why does Clippy always smile, even when he’s about to blow his own brains out?
August 25th, 2009 at 10:19 pm
Brilliant article.
And isn’t the “17 worst haircuts in the Ottoman Empire” bit from XKCD?
August 25th, 2009 at 9:59 pm
Um sort of like the brief cartoon email that did the rounds awhile ago - except longer and less funny?
August 25th, 2009 at 9:44 pm
Fucking paper clip. Lol.
August 25th, 2009 at 9:26 pm
“I did it, Clippy. I retarded your kids.”
GOLD.
August 25th, 2009 at 8:14 pm
I shall join in with everyone else in going XKCD FTW!
…Hmm, I wonder what their response to that will be.
August 25th, 2009 at 7:43 pm
17 Worst Haircuts in the Ottoman Empire. I love it when Cracked satirizes itself.
August 25th, 2009 at 7:41 pm
actually, that would be a really cool article. i want to know what the 17 shittiest haircuts of the ottoman empire were!
August 25th, 2009 at 6:54 pm
I just had to comment when I saw the XKCD reference. FTFW
August 25th, 2009 at 6:03 pm
Hilarious!! Well done
August 25th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
I find it highly suspect that Clippy would not give Word a capital letter. Also, Clippy has never annoyed me. Feet annoy me; the way most people hold spoons annoys me, and certain random words utterly infuriate me…but I quite like Clippy.
August 25th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
Blut?!! What the hell kind of gun goes “blut!” ?? Must be a Ukrainian gun…
August 25th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
I found this very amusing.
August 25th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
Man, I’d hate to see what CTHULHU shits out of this…
August 25th, 2009 at 11:41 am
Clippy says: “Subroutines? Did you mean subFOLDERS?”
August 25th, 2009 at 11:11 am
This is beautiful.
August 25th, 2009 at 10:37 am
Ahahahaha! As I read the first sentence, I immediately thought, “Yes!!! 17 Worst Haircuts in the Ottoman Empire! XKCD homage = epic win!”
The suicide of the most annoying pseudo-sentient application ever was the icing on the cake. I love this article!
August 25th, 2009 at 10:06 am
“I did it, Clippy. I retarded your kids. ”
Awesome.
August 25th, 2009 at 9:53 am
This whole article was an excuse to reference that one XKCD strip that ran two weeks back. Well played, good sir.
August 25th, 2009 at 8:51 am
Clippy was my only friend back in 1995
August 25th, 2009 at 8:50 am
Nice…nj/thanks.
Que The Simpsons; Bart’s pet snake “Strangles” trying to eat a computer when he zeros the mouse (ironic food, bla bla bla). Cuts away, then back, he’s trying to swallow the monitor = Clippy pops up, “Looks like you’re trying to eat me. Need help?”
Someone loves their RPG references too, ala CoC. Heh, respect. Don’t know if Chaosium has cut Brockway a check yet…
August 25th, 2009 at 7:29 am
LOL awsome. I hate that clip so much ahahaha
August 25th, 2009 at 6:57 am
That was awesome. Especially the shout-out to Cthulhu - you’re the man, Brockway!
August 25th, 2009 at 6:13 am
[...] Posted by ruim20 Cracked? yup Clippy Finally Messes With the Wrong Word Doc | Cracked.com __________________ how do you greet a jewish maori? [...]
August 25th, 2009 at 5:48 am
[...] Clippy Finally Messes With The Wrong Word Doc [...]
August 25th, 2009 at 5:41 am
[...] universally reviled, so you don’t see it anymore, but have you ever wondered what happened to it? Clippy met Cthulhu. No contest. Read the comments on this [...]
August 25th, 2009 at 4:58 am
Oh my god, I can’t breathe I’m laughing so hard.
Haha, nice shout out to xkcd too.
August 25th, 2009 at 4:56 am
[...] in the Narwhals. Clippy Finally Messes With the Wrong Word Doc | Cracked.com hhhhaaaaaaaaaa __________________ Bork bork bork! - Swedish Chef on quantum entanglement. [...]
August 25th, 2009 at 4:45 am
If you’re trying to compete with SWAIM, you can stop now. You’ve won.
August 25th, 2009 at 4:07 am
funniest cracked piece in months if not years….
August 25th, 2009 at 4:02 am
Hey guys, would you like to date a cougar? Or are you a cougar yourself? Okay, no matter you are looking for an NSA, FWB or serious relationship. You’ll want to check this out:**== Matchcougar-c O m ==**It’s where cougars and younger men can meet(Cougar is the slang for woman who is mature, experienced and want to date a younger man).
August 25th, 2009 at 3:20 am
That was really funny. And really, really DARK. Props for xkcd, by the way.
August 25th, 2009 at 2:18 am
Brilliant, man. Brilliant. But now the clip’s gone, don’t hold back on the worst haircuts in the ottoman empire!
August 25th, 2009 at 2:06 am
[...] Clippy Finally Messes With the Wrong Word Doc | Cracked.com [...]
August 25th, 2009 at 1:35 am
Wow, that was VERY called for.
I hate that fucking clip
August 25th, 2009 at 1:33 am
I RETARDED YOUR KIDS
August 25th, 2009 at 1:25 am
Brockway is the man.
August 25th, 2009 at 1:13 am
Awesome. Clippy’s bend made it look like he was grinning the whole time…and that’s awesome.
August 25th, 2009 at 12:46 am
Wow Brockway you’re a heartless basterd. [- What's that? Yes, I meant bastard... How the fuck did you get out of there? -]
August 25th, 2009 at 12:37 am
i was genuinely wanting to read on about the hair-cuts
August 25th, 2009 at 12:14 am
That was fucking beautiful! especially cthulhu at the end!
August 25th, 2009 at 12:03 am
But what about the hair cuts!
August 24th, 2009 at 11:48 pm
One of the best things I’ve read in a very long time. I love it. Great work.
August 24th, 2009 at 11:05 pm
I laughed the whole way through, thanks
August 24th, 2009 at 10:45 pm
lmfao that was epic! Nice work. Clippet pisses me off so much.
August 24th, 2009 at 9:44 pm
win!!! totally awesome.
August 24th, 2009 at 9:38 pm
Pure win!
August 24th, 2009 at 9:25 pm
brockway reads xkcd! day = made.
August 24th, 2009 at 9:20 pm
Win
August 24th, 2009 at 9:08 pm
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
August 24th, 2009 at 8:32 pm
Yay for xkcd references ^^
August 24th, 2009 at 8:24 pm
@ Jordan zouridis
What does being gay have to do with your enjoyment of this article?
Also, was hilarious.
August 24th, 2009 at 8:05 pm
Slamming Clippy is funny again?
August 24th, 2009 at 7:58 pm
Say hello to Yogg-Satthoth and the elder gods you bastard.
August 24th, 2009 at 7:55 pm
I would like to thank you for the Dylan Thomas reference that I am sure very few people got.
August 24th, 2009 at 7:48 pm
Lol fantastic article!
August 24th, 2009 at 7:32 pm
Excellent xkcd self-reference. Or something.
August 24th, 2009 at 7:21 pm
CTHULHU F’TAGN!
August 24th, 2009 at 7:06 pm
that was funny, even though i’m gay
August 24th, 2009 at 6:51 pm
Thank you, thank you, thank you for writing this.
August 24th, 2009 at 6:43 pm
17 worst haircuts of the Ottoman Empire?
Randall Monroe will read it regardless.
August 24th, 2009 at 6:18 pm
But, I liked the Word Assistants.
Really funny, though. And as mentioned, hurrah for XKCD reference!
August 24th, 2009 at 5:41 pm
hahahahahaha fan fucking tastic
brilliant i loved it
August 24th, 2009 at 5:29 pm
Absolutely hilarious. And an AMAZING xkcd reference at the end. Applause now.
August 24th, 2009 at 5:28 pm
funny article i do beleive that you could have done a lot more with that.
i say this because ME, i’m a proffessional funny man. Dude, i’m so funny, that… i don’t know. but do am i funny!
anyway… better yourself the next one dude. take a tip from a pro
August 24th, 2009 at 5:25 pm
you realize you have to write that haircut article now.
August 24th, 2009 at 5:14 pm
[...] ignorance and apathy. Not enough people are calling for change. While on a humourous side, here is a new Clippy cartoon. Wheaeas the company is able to make obnoxious and obstructive animations, decent reliability and [...]
August 24th, 2009 at 5:11 pm
Nice xkcd reference.
August 24th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
Best article in a while
August 24th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
So the secret to good article writing is to pile stupid nerd shit onto other stupid nerd shit? FASCINATING!
August 24th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
Holy shit, I actually felt a little sorry for Clippy there. Him and his poor, motherless, retarded kids.
The power of your words…your flowing prose like a soft rain that gently caresses the Old Ones as they stand on the shores of R’lyeth, waiting for us to speak the words that will bring them forth and corrupt our bodies and our souls.
August 24th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
Oh, Gosh. This is really funny. I remember that fucking clip, it was so annoying.
Good job.
August 24th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
You sir, win at life.
August 24th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
Whoever made this must be a linux geek (like myself) or just sucks at filesystem nomenclature hence c:/windows which should be c:\windows. Good comic though….
August 24th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
[...] @Microsoft clippy. Clippy Finally Messes With the Wrong Word Doc | Cracked.com __̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ [...]
August 24th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
For anyone not sure about the xkcd reference, it’s in the mouse-over text from the comic below:
http://www.xkcd.com/609/
August 24th, 2009 at 4:18 pm
dude…are you actually going to write about the 17 worst haircuts in the ottoman empire? because i’d read that.
August 24th, 2009 at 4:17 pm
I loved it! And I’ll never look at a handful full of paperclips without wondering who’s related to who again.
August 24th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
Oh God, that was AWESOME! I fracking hate Clippy! HATE HIM!
August 24th, 2009 at 4:09 pm
nice on the xkcd and of course getting clippy to go away.
and to lex xkcd.com/609
make sure to do the scroll over
August 24th, 2009 at 3:49 pm
was that an Ilithid head?
Cool.. i forgot about how the little sucker was annoying..
August 24th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
the kids are gonna have revenge!
August 24th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
I love how Clippy always looks like he has a smile on his face.
August 24th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
Fuck no that was awesome!!!!!
August 24th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
This would have been funnier if it were published 10 years ago.
August 24th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
Amazing article, but i feel a little bit sorry for clippy, after all he lost his wife and had his kids retarded.
August 24th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
Not John Cougar Mellencamp! i can’t believe he didn’t try to kill himself sooner.
August 24th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
OMG that was so awesome.
..and I want to read that article too.
August 24th, 2009 at 2:28 pm
mmm im not so sure….
bizantine’s haircuts are also quite shitty, u should do some research 1st… ohh… clippy thing was also super funny
August 24th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
Haha xkcd reference. The rest was seriously great though
August 24th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
I see what you did there.
<3 xkcd
August 24th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
Good show, sir.
August 24th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
hilarious!
August 24th, 2009 at 2:07 pm
“They still use Netscape, you son of a bitch!”
fuckin brilliant as always brockway, keep up the good work
August 24th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
17 worst haircuts of the ottoman empire… article please?
August 24th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
That was fucking epic.
August 24th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
HA nice xkcd reference.
August 24th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
Ha! I just had my first run in with the clippy bastard. This makes me feel soooo much better…..so much.
August 24th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
I consider myself a fan of xkcd and I missed the reference.. though it does feel familiar. I see lots of praise for including it, but would anyone mind pointing out what it was, exactly?
Epic article Brockway, you’re sucking a lot less these days. Keep up the good work ol’ chap.
August 24th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
totally dongtacular. was terrible but not in quality, just morality.
brilliant.
and “hmmm” get a sense of humor
August 24th, 2009 at 1:40 pm
tl;dr
August 24th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
This is so fucking funny!!!
August 24th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
That “I retarded your kids” line is gold. Too bad xkcd is lame
August 24th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
i actally liked the paper clip. also i am the only person who i know that actually used him instad of trying to kill him by sstabbing him w the mouse arrow. nice one brock.
August 24th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
It is about time someone did something about that smug son of a bitch.
August 24th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
Lmao, that xkcd reference was the reason I stumbled onto this site in the first place. xD
August 24th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Utter shit. Do not pass go. Do not collect dignity.
August 24th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
Wait! Where’s the article about those awful haircuts?? YOU BASTARD!
August 24th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
For the XKCD reference you, sir, have WON THE INTERNET.
August 24th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
That was way too long and devoid of anything resembling funny
August 24th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
Shweet. short and awesome =D
August 24th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
Dongtacular as always Brockway.
August 24th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
very funny.
you guys, trying to fit as many Cthulhu references as possible.
its great!!
August 24th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
This was actually pretty damn funny. In a different kind of way.
August 24th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
Hahaha! Nice shoutout to XKCD!
August 24th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
That was fucking brilliant.
August 24th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
funny as fuckin shit and the cthulu thing was the icing on the fuckin cakeXD
August 24th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
looks like we have an xkcd fan writing this
SOMEONE NEEDS TO WRITE THAT DAMN ARTICLE
August 24th, 2009 at 11:51 am
Any Cthulu reference is a good reference.
August 24th, 2009 at 11:51 am
xDDDDDDDD
August 24th, 2009 at 11:48 am
haha thats funny, you should of made pics of his retarded kids
August 24th, 2009 at 11:47 am
Tooooo funny
August 24th, 2009 at 11:16 am
BAHAHA! Love it. I love the last bit about the Ottoman Empire, great way to reference xckd
August 24th, 2009 at 11:03 am
Splendid! This is AWESOME!
I just love it, brilliant. swipe the floor with clippy… I hate him.
KILL!!!
August 24th, 2009 at 10:58 am
xkcd reference for the win! Woohoo!
August 24th, 2009 at 10:57 am
Amazing. Hahaha! I approve.
August 24th, 2009 at 10:52 am
I’m speechless. Major applause!
August 24th, 2009 at 10:31 am
Brilliant. Just brilliant. It’s nice to see some experimentation with the format of Cracked articles. Not just a video, list, or imported cartoon. Well done, Brockway.
August 24th, 2009 at 10:29 am
The guys on the xkcd forum are discussing this now. So it has turned to a 540° circle.
Well actually it became a 720° circle (in other words two whole circles) with this very comment.
August 24th, 2009 at 10:24 am
ZALGO
HE’S COMING
August 24th, 2009 at 10:16 am
The concept was funny but the article wasn’t as good as it could have been.
August 24th, 2009 at 10:16 am
Dude, I know he’s annoying, but fuck, that was kind of excessive.
August 24th, 2009 at 10:09 am
Loved it! Kill that son of a bitch!
August 24th, 2009 at 10:01 am
Excellent, who hasn’t dreamed of shooting that bloody paperclip!
August 24th, 2009 at 9:55 am
Poor Clippy :’(
More seriously, that article was fucking brilliant. Who would have thought an obsolete Windows Word feature could be so much fun?
August 24th, 2009 at 9:51 am
Actually, Clippy is also on my school’s computers. Although Ukraine might actually be preferable to this…
Awesome with the xkcd reference as well.
August 24th, 2009 at 9:49 am
Didn’t like it..
August 24th, 2009 at 9:45 am
Why is my system rebooting? I don’t remember…CLIPPY!! YOU’RE BACK! AAAIIEEEEE!!!!!
August 24th, 2009 at 9:42 am
Dammit! We better get that 17 Worst Haircuts in The Ottoman Empire article next time.
August 24th, 2009 at 9:41 am
5 stars, Brockway. You retarded Clippy’s kids.
August 24th, 2009 at 9:26 am
hell yeah! go for their family first and then the guy who started it all. best *sniff* article ever
August 24th, 2009 at 9:20 am
Cthulu saved this from being bad.
August 24th, 2009 at 9:19 am
The most hilarious thing is the people actually offended that you offed Clippy’s imaginary computer family.
August 24th, 2009 at 9:19 am
Fantastic!
August 24th, 2009 at 9:16 am
Just have to say that I, too, love the xkcd reference!
August 24th, 2009 at 9:16 am
ROFL
This was amazing.
August 24th, 2009 at 9:13 am
I commend you good sir. That was absolutely hilarious. Thank you for making this. It makes monday hurt so much less.
August 24th, 2009 at 9:05 am
epic indeed. congrats brock.
August 24th, 2009 at 8:55 am
Clippy did piss me off i never want to meet him again thanks for killing that bitch brockway
August 24th, 2009 at 8:54 am
I despise taking out the clippys wife!!!! Just take him out, not the wife and don’t mess with the kids. The wife did nothing, why should she pay for her mans actions….I as clippys wife would have had to take you out, and than killed clippy myself because he was the reason you came after me and my kids.. Word to the wise don’t mess with a woman,woman paper clip or other wise, scorned or unscorned and her kids. You are just looking for trouble… LOL you crack me up…I don’t care for the cussing or taking the Lords name in vain, but other than that it was totally hysterical…
August 24th, 2009 at 8:51 am
i love you forever for the xkcd reference.
August 24th, 2009 at 8:41 am
That was incredible.
August 24th, 2009 at 8:36 am
XKCD ref rocked
August 24th, 2009 at 8:33 am
you know, you keep joking about the 17 haircuts’ article, but eventually someone here at Cracked is going to have to write it, not as a funny reference, we want a real, serious article. Or we’ll retard your children.
August 24th, 2009 at 8:31 am
lol, I was afraid this would be a routine Clippy article, but it was surprisingly original! Good job!
August 24th, 2009 at 8:30 am
Oh my. This seems like the sort of sick fantasy you have when you’re trying to write a paper and imagine what would happen if clippy popped up, and wouldn’t go away, and…
Robery Brockway, you’re one epic motherfucker.
August 24th, 2009 at 8:28 am
PS: I guess it belies my huge nerd streak, but I would actually LOVE an article about the haircuts of empires. It seems like a goldmine. Seriously, BOB BROCK, GET ON IT.
August 24th, 2009 at 8:27 am
It’s okay, Mr. Bombastic, don’t you know the rules governing retarded children? http://www.cracked.com/article_14837_raising-your-mentally-retarded-child.html
Brock, this…dare I say it: this was glorious. You are now officially the funniest columnist here.
“I retarded your kids” indeed.
August 24th, 2009 at 8:20 am
Robert..
My congratulations on your salient, emaculate article.
However,
You killed my godson, clippy, Robert
you deeply sadden me with your barbaristic actions.
For sure you know that you broke my heart Robert… YOU broke my heart.
However, being a very forgiving South American, I am going to give you the chance to kill your family yourself.
You do not want me to do it Robert… YOU do not.
We will be watchng you Robert.. We will be watching.
Oh and have a nice day Robert.
August 24th, 2009 at 8:19 am
XD oh sweet unicycling Jesus that just made my freaking day =D damn you Clippy!!! lol
August 24th, 2009 at 8:14 am
good riddence
August 24th, 2009 at 8:12 am
Fucking shit d4m4s74, does anyone hangout with you? If you were sick of reading it you should of just FUCKED OFF!
When do we get to read about the best haircuts of the ottoman empire?
August 24th, 2009 at 8:08 am
You, Sir, win the Internet.
August 24th, 2009 at 7:59 am
lol
“I retarded your kids”
August 24th, 2009 at 7:59 am
About time someone took that bastard out.
I just hope his retarded kids dont come back to haunt you.
August 24th, 2009 at 7:53 am
I can’t believe you dragged Clippy out of retirement just to kill his wife, handicap his kids and banish him to to the Eighth Dimension. Don’t get me wrong, I hate that fucker, but it does seem a touch disproportionate. I hope you’re not going after Search Dog as well.
August 24th, 2009 at 7:53 am
Mad props for the xkcd reference.
August 24th, 2009 at 7:53 am
Brilliant.
If this was done as a video it’d fucking ROCK.
August 24th, 2009 at 7:51 am
FUCKING AWESOME XKCD REFERENCE. YOU ROCK THE FUCK ON.
August 24th, 2009 at 7:47 am
CLIPPY! NO!!
Hahahhaha, very funny
August 24th, 2009 at 7:45 am
FEPIC
August 24th, 2009 at 7:40 am
You.
Are.
Brilliant.
August 24th, 2009 at 7:39 am
Fuck you Clippy
August 24th, 2009 at 7:35 am
About time Clippy got what he was asking… no begging for! So many rages caused by a smartarse paperclip that never left me alone..
I hope you enjoy your new stay Clippy. I hope you get annoyed the f*ck out of by someone just like you.
August 24th, 2009 at 7:30 am
A++ would proof read again
August 24th, 2009 at 7:29 am
Where was the XKCD reference? Did I miss it?
August 24th, 2009 at 7:27 am
awesome.
but. several years too late. most people reading this have no experience with clippy at all.
August 24th, 2009 at 7:25 am
This is prolly my favorite comic on cracked.
August 24th, 2009 at 7:14 am
That was great. Where do you come up with this shit?
August 24th, 2009 at 7:12 am
That was freaking hilarious!
August 24th, 2009 at 6:59 am
Ahhh, poor Clippie! He was so cute! RIP
RT
http://www.web-tools.us.tc
August 24th, 2009 at 6:55 am
I’d always liked Clippy as a kid, he was entertaining when animated. It’s word that’s annoying with all the spelling and grammer.
August 24th, 2009 at 6:42 am
XKCD reference = win.
August 24th, 2009 at 6:37 am
Love the XKCD reference.
August 24th, 2009 at 6:37 am
Saved by an XKCD reference
August 24th, 2009 at 6:36 am
awesome ending, nice story, was fun to read it
August 24th, 2009 at 6:34 am
I loved this. Keep it coming Brockway!
August 24th, 2009 at 6:33 am
you should have a fight whit Bulchoz to decide one and for all who is the grand master of the terror on the other side! KADOSH!!
August 24th, 2009 at 6:32 am
Good stuff. I get so apprehensive reading this kind of article after being subjected to the utter crappage that is Fatawesome. So seeing something that works is a good start of the day. Thanks.
August 24th, 2009 at 6:18 am
Great article, love the Cthulhu part.
August 24th, 2009 at 6:14 am
Congratulations, Brockway. You finally stopped sucking.
August 24th, 2009 at 6:12 am
Brilliant.
August 24th, 2009 at 6:11 am
Brockway does it again! Love the XKCD reference at the end.
IA IA CTHULHU F’THAGN!
August 24th, 2009 at 6:10 am
[...] Clippy Finally Messes With the Wrong Word Doc [...]
August 24th, 2009 at 6:05 am
Awesome. Cthulhu reference just made it.
August 24th, 2009 at 5:39 am
masterpiece.
August 24th, 2009 at 5:34 am
Awesome
August 24th, 2009 at 5:27 am
I. Love. This. Article.
August 24th, 2009 at 5:25 am
[...] Posted in: Featured New column up at Cracked, where i inexplicably break the time barrier and get caught in a humor vortex in the year 1996. I solve this problem as I do all problems: Murder. You can go ahead and Digg it now right here, [...]
August 24th, 2009 at 5:21 am
That was awesome… as usual.
August 24th, 2009 at 5:17 am
Funny
As
F*ck
August 24th, 2009 at 5:16 am
Weird that Conan O’Brien just recently showed Clippy shooting himself in the head over Office sales dropping or something.
August 24th, 2009 at 5:10 am
That article was good. But then with that last line, it elevated itself to brilliance
August 24th, 2009 at 5:08 am
And the XKCD/Cracked reference loops back on itself! Huzzah!
August 24th, 2009 at 5:03 am
People still joke about Clippy?
August 24th, 2009 at 5:03 am
if only we could do that in real life.. wicked funny
August 24th, 2009 at 5:01 am
How much to take care of a pop-up bar thats been harassing me and mine, Brockway?
August 24th, 2009 at 5:00 am
That better not be the next article…
August 24th, 2009 at 4:57 am
Hilarious!
“You uppity little bastard”
I just had to disguise laughing as coughing.
August 24th, 2009 at 4:55 am
Nice to see that little bastard get what he deserves.
August 24th, 2009 at 4:52 am
Some of us were a bit gay for him beforehand too. This just made it more noticable, and harder to explain away with alcohol…
August 24th, 2009 at 4:51 am
Funny, disturbing and a nice XKCD shout out there too.
August 24th, 2009 at 4:50 am
There is no word to describe how Awesome this article is!
August 24th, 2009 at 4:48 am
beautiful… just beautiful
August 24th, 2009 at 4:39 am
Brockway, I think I just turned just a little bit gay for you. Retarding kids, summoning cthulu, and referencing one of my favorite webcomics. I..I just love you.
August 24th, 2009 at 4:36 am
I am bowing to you Robert Brockway. You are a god of comedy. I laughed all the way through this.
August 24th, 2009 at 4:36 am
You know, I honestly - honestly!! - was just thinking today that someone needed to do a Clippy-based Cracked article. Add Lovecraft and xkcd… Yup. I’m happy.
August 24th, 2009 at 4:35 am
Awesome article! The Cthulu incantation was a great touch. Everyone can always use a little Lovecraft.
August 24th, 2009 at 4:29 am
Poor Clippy… Perhaps Microsoft should have considered how well the average American would take being corrected by office supplies. We already hate moments when we’re outsmarted by our computers, but a goddamn paperclip? Even a retarded 5 year old should have the upper hand against a paperclip.
August 24th, 2009 at 4:26 am
lol, nice xkcd reference… only a matter of time till cracked has an article with tvtropes in it…
August 24th, 2009 at 4:22 am
Is that… Is that an XKCD reference?
August 24th, 2009 at 4:15 am
Too true. The Ottomans had terrible hair cuts.
August 24th, 2009 at 4:15 am
god damn it, glad the post wasn’t only first
August 24th, 2009 at 4:14 am
FIRST
also, I think it was a bit too long, after a while reading the same thing over and over again is annoying
August 24th, 2009 at 4:14 am
My friend recommended me a very interesting place _____Meet Wealthy com_____*** It’s where wealthy singles looking for someone to enjoy their wealthy lifestyle with.
August 24th, 2009 at 4:13 am
“17 Worst Haircuts in The Ottoman Empire…”
XKCD?
August 24th, 2009 at 4:12 am
Ahhh Justice.