It’s heartening to know that unless my plan for a sitcom about Jerry Falwell and a large gay man living together in a New York City apartment (working title is Bear With Me) takes off, I’ll never be famous enough for someone to pose as my grieving father when I die.
Sadly, Heath Ledger cannot say the same. Both because he’s ceased that particular oral function, and because some douche posed as his grieving father.
The worst part is, given all of the doors opened to the grieving father of a dead celebrity, what does this fucker do?
It’s surprising that no one questioned his identity sooner, until you realize that, Like Ledger’s father, the con man had a British accent, which Americans find irresistible.
But considering the vital piece of information that Ledger’s real father was a racecar driver, I find this con man’s actions decidedly boring. If you’re going to plumb the depths of indecency, at least be ridiculous about it. Imagine how much more he could have asked for, given the same schedule of phone calls:
But sadly, those ships have sailed, and taken their vivisected ponies with them. Take note, con men and anyone with a desire to feed off the misfortune of others: make it more entertaining, and maybe the general public won’t find you so repugnant. I’m not promising anything though.
When not blogging for Cracked, Michael makes tragic videos as head writer and co-founder of Those Aren’t Muskets!
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November 9th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
THIS. IS. POINTLESS.
Well, except for the “make the con exciting” part. I’ll have to try that sometime.
November 9th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
THIS. IS. POINNTLESS.
Well, except for the “make the con exciting” part. I’ll have to try that sometime.
November 8th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
Carrying on with the debate from…well about eight months ago…about accents. Well, I hav to say that irish accents are hot, as are Australian…but we English have the best accent, by far. No competition. And just because I hold a biased view doesn’t mean I’m wrong.
and i love heath. note how i say ‘love’ not ‘loved.’ See by my reckoning , if i just choose to ignore the fact that he is dead, then by a concept similar to ‘i think, therefore i am’ he is in fact still alive. admittedly my chances of meeting him are just as low, regardless of how far buried under ground he is. *shrugs*
May 12th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Your picture and subsequent caption are completely nonsensical. If my dad were a 2008 Ford Mustang than I am pretty sure that would make me a Transformer. Therefore, the only true way to impress my dad would be to kill Optimus Prime. That’s right. Fuck the Autobots.
Remind me to call my father and bitch incessantly about his obvious lack of love for me being shown by his whole not-being-a-2008-Ford-Mustang-ness.
March 2nd, 2008 at 4:20 pm
To Heath’s Family: http://neilsnotes.com/?page=15&catid=30&sku=E-CD00296
March 2nd, 2008 at 4:14 pm
I’m still trying to get that scene from Brokeback Mountain outta my head!
http://neilsnotes.com/?catid=26
February 10th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
Anandaji: true, more the English than anyone else. But we’re not huge fans of the Unionist Northern Irish either, without wanting to stir up too much sectarian e-violence. And so I decided to class it as “British” in general. And if you hate the English so much, why would you use “wanker” as an insult?
*sigh*
February 4th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
Scrounging Cunt?
February 4th, 2008 at 8:25 am
I am seriously gonna start using that… “scrunt.” That’s priceless. WTF is that anyways?
February 4th, 2008 at 7:43 am
Aren’t you guys gonna do anything mean spirited but funny about the Natalee Holloway Case? http://equivocationnation.blogspot.com/
This guy is still scooping ABC and has been since friday! Fucking amazing!
February 4th, 2008 at 12:29 am
Fiendish you fucking wanker, you are obviously not Irish or else you would have said we fucking hate the English, not the British. Scrunt.
February 3rd, 2008 at 8:54 am
Australian accents are not hot, they’re incredibly irritating. British accents are hot. I should know, I’m Irish - we fucking hate the British. My admiration for their hot accents is like some kind of forbidden love over here.
Also, when I was looking at the picture and its caption, I thought you were about to start talking about the latest reincarnation of the Ford Mustang GT and how it has a lot to live up to in its predecessor, etc. But I guess that probably would have been difficult to work into the context of the article…
February 2nd, 2008 at 9:47 pm
@ sandswipe: Oh, I know. They’re alive. It’s the horror of it all that he gets off on.
February 2nd, 2008 at 4:28 pm
I don’t know, depends on if you did what your Mom told you or not.
February 2nd, 2008 at 2:18 pm
There is a huge difference though… Australian accents are WAY hotter… I wonder if I could pretend to be his closeted girlfriend… Or the woman he paid for sex… Either or… I deserve sympathy, and free jet rides… right?!
February 2nd, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Ben, don’t go down that road, it’s not going to work. I’ve tried.
Just, just let it go man. Let it go.
February 2nd, 2008 at 5:43 am
I wish I didn’t post whilst drunk, I don’t think I would make hardly as many spelling mistakes.
February 2nd, 2008 at 5:42 am
Wait a minute…
HATH LEDGER IS DEAD?!?!!?!?
February 2nd, 2008 at 12:38 am
umm, heath ledger’s dad has an australian accent. he’s australian. it’s not the same as a british accent, ’cause people who are british talk like that. not australians. who have australian accents.
just saying
February 1st, 2008 at 9:37 pm
I believe it would only be vivisection if the pony were still alive. Autopsy=disection. Great word though.
Nice article.
February 1st, 2008 at 11:00 am
I didn’t really contemplate Heath while he was alive, But I’ll sure as hell contemplate Dinosaurs while Heath is less alive.
February 1st, 2008 at 9:55 am
Tastefully done, son. Do you wantcha meatloaf now?
February 1st, 2008 at 9:52 am
See, the fake dad couldn’t spell Heath’s name right.
February 1st, 2008 at 9:50 am
If I was the fake Heath Leger dad I’d asked to see the new Batman movie.
February 1st, 2008 at 9:14 am
I think I’m in love with you