The Baldwin brothers—Crimey, Lefty, Christ-y and Chinbutt, from left to right—are of course widely respected for their excellence in squinting, screaming, preaching, and occasionally acting. But new revelations suggest the fearsome foursome shares at least one other true talent: a world-class aptitude for domestic violence. As Chinbutt Christ-y “Stephen” told reporters recently:
We were going at it in the kitchen and my mother was making some food. My brother Daniel, he grabbed me by my hair and started slamming my head into the (oven) flame. My mother got caught in the fracas and she caught one (thump), and her bridge and a couple of her teeth got knocked out. She didn’t really get hit with a punch; Daniel wouldn’t let go of my hair and I was getting too close to the flames, so my mother bit his hand and bit him so hard it started to break his skin, so he pulled his hand away and her bridge went flying and a couple of her teeth got pulled out with it.
The brothers seem to be taking their traumatic memories in stride, however; when asked what the family called this incredible whirlwind of chaos and violence, Baldwin is rumored to have replied, “The Aristocrats!”
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June 23rd, 2009 at 10:04 am
I think Tony Hawk skateboarding in the white house was absolutly amazing. I guys if you and old fart you would see it as repulsive. I wish i could grind on Obamas dinner table,lol.
November 26th, 2008 at 11:37 pm
Yawn!!Quite personally,all four Baldwin Brothers have all the charm;charisma and talent as a bunch of drunken Shriners at Karaoke Night at a Holiday Inn Lounge!!
Granted,of the four,Alec’s a decent actor but he’s also a first class dickwad BFT!!
I’ve never heard of the other Baldwin Brother and I kinda know Steve and Billy from a movie here and there!!
I’m glad Steve’s found Jesus and started voting for the GOP and thinks Obama’s The Anti Christ!!!
Although,quite personally,instead of reaching kids through a religious version of Tony Hawk’s Boom Boom Huck Jam Extreme Sports,why not go volunteer at a homeless shelter or food bank or build homes for the poor instead??
After all,isn’t that what Jesus said to do:Clothe The Naked;Feed The Hungry and House The Homeless??
Naw!!It’s easier to raise hell about an Adult Book Store and preach at a Mega Church than get your hands dirtry!!!
Point to ponder:Whenever some Preacher raises hell about Adult Entertainment Places in their town and demands that the City shut it down,don’t you wish some councilman(or woman)would have the cojones to say”Well Okay Preacher,You Want Us To Shut Down A Strip Joint or Adult Movie Theater!!Fine!!How About We shut Down Your Church As Well???!!”.
As Kim Jong Il said in”Team America:World Police”:”YOU ARE WORTHRESS AREC BARWIN!!!”.
March 30th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
The only time the Baldwins are entertaining are when they play completely self centered, extremely arrogant, fucks. Just like Tom Cruise only seems like a natural actor when he plays a total douchebag. I’m not saying that this is hard evidence that these guys’ only acting ability lies in comfortably being themselves in front of the camera, but… oh, wait, that’s exaclty what I’m saying. What a bunch of dicks. I’d still totally do Billy, though.
November 7th, 2007 at 10:07 pm
Alec has had the most productive career, yet he has the oldest picture?
November 1st, 2007 at 12:43 pm
Thought Chinbutt was William..
They all look the same to me