Well folks, it looks like Boondock Saints 2, (or "Twondock Saints," as it is called by no one), is seriously on the road to production. The idea has been brought up before, (2002, 2006), but writer/director Troy Duffy seems to think it's for real this time. For those not in the know, Boondock Saints snuck out about nine years ago to a depressing box office but developed a huge cult following on DVD. The story, about a pair of Irish brothers, (white kind of brother), taking the law into their own hands and ridding the streets of injustice, apparently struck a chord with the movie-watching public. Not many people know this, but before I was a Cracked Blogger, I was a machete-wielding street vigilante in Rhode Island. True story. Gladstone and I both, actually, spent three years (on and off) cleaning up the wicked streets of "the Ocean State." If it hadn't been for my street-vigilante-based ties with Gladstone, in fact, I probably never would have even gotten this job here at Cracked. We'd go around with our weapons, Gladstone with his mace and me with my machete. The press nicknamed us "M&M," which, admittedly, was slightly more clever than what I wanted to call us, ["Murder: With a Capital GoFuckYourself"]. We made a few headlines and took down some of Rhode Island's most notorious drug lords and mobsters. Ever hear of the Chechnyan Mafia in Providence? Of course you haven't. Mace and I took care of them years ago. You're welcome. Anyway, due to my propensity for taking various things into my own hands, (the law, for one. Machetes for another), Boondock Saints really resonated with me. A couple of guys running around serving up hot, steaming justice to local criminals? That speaks to me! I get that. Plus, even if I wasn't a midnight hero, (which I was), I have a feeling I'd still love Boondock Saints because, at the end of the day, it's a funny, fresh simple action movie with likeable characters, Ron Jeremy, and a boob.
A winning formula.All that said, you'd think I'd be thrilled at the prospect of Twondock Saints. You'd think that, but you'd be wrong. You'd be as wrong as Little Zviad, the former head of the now defunct Chechnyan mob, (which is to say, dead wrong). Instead, I couldn't be more unhappy. Troy Duffy made a good, concise street-hero movie with a great cast and a strong ending- why can't he just leave it alone? In a world where sequels, prequels and remakes seem to be the only choices, why not stand out and make something new? People loved the first Saints so much, the second one is almost guaranteed to disappoint, and I'm not the only person who feels this way. You know, an overweight nerd with too much power and absolutely zero shame once said "When you do…a sequel that's very, very anticipated, people anticipate ultimately that it's going to be the Second Coming. And it's not. It's just a movie. Just like the other movies. You probably have fond memories of the other movies. But if you went back and looked at them, they might not hold up the same way your memory holds up." And who was that shameless, pudgy nerd? George motherfucking Lucas. The quote comes from an interview he gave on the new Indiana Jones movie and serves as a preemptive "Eat Shit" to anyone who plans on being disappointed by the latest installment. Now, is George Lucas right or is he, as some writers have speculated, "an overweight nerd with too much power and absolutely zero shame"? Well, he goes pretty far with that quote. He's basically saying "Hey everybody, this new movie is probably gonna blow but, if you really think about it, the movies that came before it kind of blew, too. Suck it, America." I'd like to say he's just cynical, because I'd like to be really believe that Twondock Saints will be awesome. But he is George Lucas, and if there's one person on this planet who would know a thing or two about disappointing sequels, it would be him.