Elmo, North Philly Style
Being a costumed entertainer seems like a great gig, doesn't it? You get to wear whatever you want under your suit, you don't have to bathe, and the hours are probably pretty flexible. What do you really have to do? Jump around a little bit, dance with some kids for an hour or two, then collect your paycheck? Sounds pretty easy, right?
Wrong. True, personal hygiene is not a top priority for a costumed entertainer, but that's because they have so much more to worry about. Try to understand: If a costumed entertainer gets called out to a Bar Mitzvah he has to speak at least a little bit of Yiddish. If a costumed entertainer gets hired to perform at a birthday party for the Mafia, he needs to know that they believe loyalty is very important. And if a costumed entertainer gets called out to a wicked block party in North Philly, he better come correct with some wicked-sick dance moves. The name of the game is versatility, and most people aren't willing or able to provide that for minimum wage. That's why you don't see very many costumed entertainers these days. Unless you spend a lot of time at theme parks, I guess, but if you're spending all of your time at theme parks, then you probably have bigger problems to concern yourself with. Stop worrying so much about the state of the costumed entertainment industry and go get yourself into therapy. Take care of yourself - you're worth it.
Oh yeah - by being the whitest person on the face of the planet.