The Top 5 Nooners: #1 Things That Rhyme With "Casnadian Destroyer": The Daily Nooner (EST)!
This week, while Ross is in the mountains of Mexico training for his new role as a Cracked columnist, we're counting down our favorite Nooners from five to one. And we are at #1, Ross's favorite and one of the great moments of voice over narration ever caught on film.Awesome Video Of The Day"OH MY GOD! CASNADIAN DESTROYER!"
On a first viewing without any context, today's video is pretty so-so: Some kids attempt a "Canadian Destroyer" in their backyard and look stupid. Go ahead and hit play. It's only 10 seconds long - I'll wait.
Finished? Ok, good. Now you might be wondering to yourself, "Why did the kid scream "PARANOIAAAAA!" at the end there?" Don't worry - the uploader was kind enough to explain it in the "About This Video" section:
"ok this is our second destroyer but i have to talk about the announcer,camera guy.ok thats our frend carney and he wanted to rhyme something with canadian destroyer and he sounded like an idiot,i know he sounds gay too but try to pay attention to the move"
I don't know why, but watching it again armed with that knowledge makes it about a thousand times better. It helps that his name is Carney, I guess, but mostly I just like the fact that he screamed "PARANOIAAAA!" because it was the first thing that popped into his head that rhymes with "Destroyer."
Two problems there: First of all, "paranoia" DOESN'T rhyme with "destroyer." Secondly, even if it did rhyme it still wouldn't make any sense. Carney, if you somehow end up reading this, here's a list of post-Casnadian Destroyer taglines that work a little better:
Pointless Blog RoundupPointless Blog #3: Barcodepedia.com
Today's entry isn't necessarily a blog per se, but it's so spectacularly yawn-inducing that I thought it would be a crime not to mention it. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Barcodepedia.
It's exactly what you think it is.
Did you know that the ISBN number for the 2007 Lord of the Rings Calendar is 0768877857? What about the Samsung SpinPoint 200 GB internal hard drive? EAN13 - 8808979495238, just in case you were wondering. Thanks to Barcodepedia, the internet finally has a place to keep all those pesky barcodes. Because, you know, that used to be such a problem.
Who in the name of God are these people uploading barcodes to this website?! User Ian13 is their #1 contributor with a whopping 340 barcodes added (Biography: "I am a barcode fanatic. Just the site for me!"). DJLarZ is tied for 2nd place with 273 barcodes under his belt (Biography: "I work in a gas-station, so I have access to a lot of barcodes.").
These are clearly sad and damaged individuals, but thanks to their hard work and dedication, if I'm holding a product with a barcode on it, I don't have to spend a bunch of time reading the packaging to try and figure out what it is. Instead, I can just boot up my computer, point my web browser to Barcodepedia.com and type the barcode into the search box! What convenience!
Take this weird glass container full of cold, carbonated liquid I'm drinking, for instance. Rather than look at the label on the front of it that clearly says it's a bottle of Sapporo, I can simply type in "0 8797500350 2" and find out that I'm drinking... umm... a Six-Seater Portable Bench (Black).
The future is now, people.
ReplySpeaking of barcode. .i have to admit that it has brought us great convenience. so does barcodae reader and generator .i used it frequently. you can have a try. "onbarcode" website.
I added this website to my favorites list
ReplyThat site is the best, I'll spend the whole day making sure it knows what my bar codes are
ReplyWe all know that plan "B" stands for bone Britney or is that plan BB?
ReplyCorrection, Britney Spears and Mel Gibson who were both in Costa Rica at the same time as I. Yes, in fact, I did hook up with both of them. I gave them a stern talking-to on behalf of all my fellow Crackedonians.
ReplyI fear my pleas for them to enter lives of hermitage may have fallen on deaf ears, though. If you never hear from, or about, them again, then you'll know my work is done. If you see either of them in the tabloids, don't worry; I have a plan B.
Yes... plan "B" will work out quite nicely.
Hmmm, hm heh heh, ha ha haa haaaa haaaa haa!
I tried to tell them it was Casnadia, and did you hook up with Britney Spears who was sus**ciously in Costa Rica the same time as you? Hmmmmm?
ReplyDuring orgasm, I typically honk like a bull moose. It's a bit muffled by the moose mask, but Mrs.glendoor42 knows it means "Who needs love when I have you?"
ReplyAnd yes, we all know it is in fact Casnadia. I believe I've more than educated the Americans of Cracked about many of the important facts of Casnadian life.
Haha, 12 Pack has mommy issues.....
ReplyAll hot women have fat guy friends because they are all soulless, evil, torturing hags. No woman is happy unless she is making some poor bastard's life miserable. Which is exactly why we men have to say strange things when we "release" upon them. My personal favorite is "EXCELSIOR!" But who knows, that could change if I move out of New York...
ReplyIn all actuality, I believe it's Casnadia.
Reply"Just trying to help. Love,
ReplyCanada"
I think you mean Casnada.
And this is the best nooner by far.
i'm surprised that no one has noticed that the kid on the left is clearly dead
ReplyDear Americans:
Reply"Foyer" is pronounced "foy-ay".
It's a little like "ballet", or "buffet" where the 't' is silent.
Just trying to help. Love,
Canada
"nigga face?"
Replyalyssa flood?
Whoa..slow down, Ex-girlfriend. You can't say such words as "turns" and "still" in the comments. There are people that are still offended by such words, as it turns out. I know, in the heat of the moment your brain just turns and turns and turns and turns, but still.
ReplyAs for me, after an orgasm, I usually yell out, "OMG! It still burns!". I probably should see a doctor, but I hope turns out fine on it's own.
Oh yeah, and Carney told me to tell you "You are a stupid head". Ouch, burn.
he is fat ass homo, and i cant believe i went out wiht him and made him cry when i bok up with him, and i still cant believe i went out with this fat mother fucker. and he is gya gya gay gay and i hope he turns gay anf gets even fatter. He is a little cunt ass nigga face asshole.
Replycarneys a fat fucker that everyone that knows him hates.
ReplyOn the whole yelling out things in the heat of passion...has a rather tasteful 'here i go, clear the entranceway honk honk,' gone out of fashion?
ReplyBombs away perhaps?
This is perhaps the greatest series of comments ever written. If anyone goes to his myspace page and reads his comments it puts the video (and Carney's life) into such greater perspective. Cracked, thank you for bringing this into my life.
Replywow this is to much... more things to make fun of him about ahhahah
Reply