Buck Rogers and Flash Gordon have shown us that whenever there's a ridiculous war in the future, a brave hero from Earth's present travels there to win it. I thought that I could apply this scientific process to help win a ridiculous war raging today: The War on Christmas.
On Halloween, G.O.D.E.K. doesn't give out candy-- he gives children tips on keeping their marriage spontaneous with heart balloons and back massage coupons. And speaking of children, the following four books were printed on their flattened and dried remains:
Something about professional sports brings out all the dog-fighting, child-eating, ear-biting lunatics. But is it really fair to mock a man for eating a human ear when that man also gave you your favorite childhood Nintendo game? Of course not. That's why I'm counting down only the athletes who had more crazy than they had talent.
If you played role-playing games as a child, then you know they never worked as advertised. You'd sit down for an epic adventure with your friends only to find out that one of them can't pay attention, one is too stupid to be allowed near math, and one is ashamed of everything you're doing. I decided that nerds get lied to enough. An honest RPG.