Every single part of the holiday season seems to come together in an attempt to mess with your physical and mental well-being.
Nobody wants to think they're prejudiced, despite the fact that we all constantly pass judgment on literally everything.
Considering how obsessed people are with their junk, it is amazing how long it took humanity to finally figure out what it was all used for.
By the time you attend your last funeral (we're going to go ahead and assume it will probably be your own), the ceremony won't look anything like what we do now.
If everyone is wandering around just dying to commit, why is it that you're still alone, crying so much that ocean life could live in the soaked folds of your shirt?
Looking to discover a new animal species? Have you tried eBay?
Fortunately for the burgeoning criminal, it turns out that some of the biggest and most daring crimes require surprisingly little effort.
Everyone wants to be happy, but the biggest obstacle to that is the mushy thing inside your skull that you think with.