I left the police station in a cold sweat, and hitchhiked out to the country, where I remain to this day, standing in the middle of an empty field, swinging a huge stick at anything that moves. I know what no man should: My Xbox has become self-aware.
Use a highlighter to color words in your books. This will make it feel like you're actually studying. Actually studying involves reading the words, which is also good, but much more time consuming, and frankly discriminatory against people who don't want to read.
Screw you world. Screw you for making me pathetic enough to be here at eleven at night, but not pathetic enough to be here at ten. It's just the exact wrong amount of patheticness to have. A bit less and I start owning shoes with laces, and making friends again; a bit more and I start qualifying for government aid.
According to the YouTube comments which accompanied the video, heavily laden WITH words capitalized for no OBVIOUS reason, this was clear proof that time travel had been invented, and that we were being monitored by people from the future at all times, probably even in the bathroom.