Another PETA Blog Post (But This One Has Naked Ladies)
Some of you may remember my blog post on Monday about environmentalists, and why I don't necessarily hate them, but I may harbor a feeling of extreme enmity, revulsion, or hatred towards them.
Well, in exhaustively researching that deeply factually flawed piece of info-journalism, I had the unexpected pleasure of being confronted with a series of (mostly) gorgeous naked women while image searching for bullshit pictures to keep you interested during my long, rambling tirade. And here they are:
Seriously, those are all on the first page of a Google Image Search for PETA. Don't read the text on that first one, by the way; it's the exact opposite of what belongs on a picture of a naked woman. By which I mean it's the exact opposite of [insert joke about your penis and/or sperm].
Also, WHO STILL WEARS FUR?!! I mean, if it's going to get Alicia Silverstone naked, I guess it's fine, but I seriously haven't seen anyone wearing fur in at least five years. The whole thing is bizarre, and implies that at some point in the past, at PETA's public relations headquarters, this conversation occurred:
A Dog, Who is also President of PETA: You guys, people totally hate us for our extremism. What should we do? Blow up something?6th Degree Vegan: I have an even better idea. Naked ladies.
3rd Degree Vegan: What about them?
6th Degree Vegan: Put them everywhere. All our ads. Connect them to our cause, no matter how tenuously.
A Dog: But that has nothing to do with our beliefs or values.
6th Degree Vegan: Yeah but sex sells.
3rd Degree Vegan: Really?
6th Degree Vegan: I'm pretty sure. I read it on the back of a business book while I was in line at Kinko's.
A Dog: You went to Kinko's?! Don't you know their glue base is made from the eye jelly of the endangered Moroccan Root Beetle?!
6th Degree Vegan: Oh No!
The 6th Degree Vegan kills himself in the traditional PETA method, by standing up too fast and collapsing from exhaustion. The others, loathe to let any part of an animal go to waste, construct a crude bicycle out of the corpse and ride it to a falafel bar.
So don't masturbate too hard, fellas (and lesbos; I don't discriminate). Most of those women are nuts.
Besides blogging for CRACKED, Michael also makes HUGELY DIGGABLE OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW WELL THAT THING DID !!! videos as writer and co-founder of Those Arent Muskets!
this is hilarious
Replyso if i got an old fur coat from a dead relative, the right thing to do would be to throw it away? if i saw a leather bag at a yard sale, that would be uncool? if my neighbor raises cows and i buy the meat, is that a bad thing?
ReplyDude， why are you on EVERY article on cracked, posting 40 times? At least concentrate them into one post.
You also seem to be talking to yourself; one post is one opinion, one is another. Get a life, or psychological help.
It really is starting to piss me off.
well, use of fur is as similar to that eating meat because in both case we kill them and treat them very cruelly. animals are skinned for leather even when they are still conscious. they are beaten, hiiten and treated even more cruelly to produce leather. so i feel personally that use of leather should be stopped as we indirectly encourage animal cruelty. so stop using leather product instead go for product made of natural fibre.
ReplyAlright where i agree that animal cruelty is not cool or acceptable, i have to say that there is nothing wrong with eating meat. for those of you out there living a vegetarian lifestyle because you feel guilty over the fact that a cow was killed to make that double quarter pounder with cheese or a chicken was killed to make my hot wings, remember that nature is not fair. big things eat little things. that is life. you have sharp teeth (called Canines) that are designed to rend flesh from bone. that in itself should be evidence enough to shut you up about how wrong it is. also not all farms treat there animals badly, most follow strict guidlines that ensure the animals are well taken care of, and have deaths as painless as possible. so in short, Quit whining you fucking hippie bastards, take a shower, get a job that requires actual physical effort, and stop complaining.
ReplyAwesome article, sir. Your wit continues to entertain me, without fail.
ReplyNote to Antonio: It's spelt 'Sweden'. I'd recommend you try and spell your own country's name right before you insult another. :D
Note to. . . Cracked Member: The proper word is "to," not "and".
Therefore, your sentence would read, ". . . you try to spell your own country's name right before you insult another."
Religion is an invention of mankind and if you believe in it you are not believing the truth.... sad.....
ReplyFur is not different to leather or eating meat, all of this are bad when the animal has poor living conditions, it's treated bad (animals stabbed to make them move, fed so much they cant move, etcetera) and if you could never treat an animal like this then you would check where your animal is coming from and how it was killed, or kill it yourself... if you are brave enough.
and lastly.... American poor class and some of the middle class are sooo stupid you make me feel sick, im glad you have some more intelligent people to reign over you.
Love from sweeden, grow up people.
Ahhhh... this was hilarious.
ReplyAnd I'm a vegan, and part of PETA.
Come on, people, it's a joke. :)
guys, and i think most of you are missing the point on this one, there is this amazing thing called SARCASM. look it up! sheesh.
ReplyPeople, bash on PETA all you want, but not being vegetarian or vegan, please. PETA does NOT represent all of us. What about all the vegetarians that don't shove it in your face (which is a much greater majority than the opposite)? All the meat-eaters that bash on vegetarians/vegans are no better, really.
ReplyI used to be a vegetarian, but now eat seafood every now and then, I just don't like the taste or texture of meat. (Except bacon which is delicious), The point is everyone has a right to eat what he or she wants without (as long as you don't harm people to do so) being looked down on by someone else. I don't and never did think people are wrong to eat meat or hunt. Although I think you should use all parts possible of the animal, and think poachers are assholes. I also don't think all environmentalists are hippies. My Husband and I are considered environmentalists in most circles, and he hunts. Respect your habitat(earth) including the other animals living inside it. I joined peta and found I differed in opinion on many topics with them. Also they never sent the promised veggie cookbook. They have no real respect for other people, and anyone who loves animals would not malnourish it by feeding it tofu or veggies unless the animal is a herbivore by nature. Btw unless you live somewhere where you cant buy a synthetic coat or it is your culture to do otherwise, there is no reasone to kill an animal solely for its fur. Fur for fashion is wrong in my opinion. If you hunt however for food, you should use the hide as well.
ReplyMan, if I didn't masturbate to crazy bitches, I wouldn't masturbate at all. I guess that's a good thing. Or something.
Replyi love to eat meat, i dont see how someone doesnt love a juicy t-bone. i dont care what it is or where it came from as long as it tastes good, im gonna eat the piss out of it. ive had people tell me that eating meat is wrong, wtf? its just the fact that we as a species have the morallity factor in our heads. like it or not human beings are just another animal on this planet so why is it ok for wild animals to eat their prey alive and still breathing but so wrong for us to hang them upside down and slit their throats before eating them? the only reason you see these famous actors and such supporting them is because of MONEY. Alicia Silverstone acted as batgirl in batman and robin but that doesnt mean she really beleives in vigilantyism. its just a marketing scheme. cuz most of americas public are retarded douchbags that cant think for themselves and have to be told how to live. LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE. if meat looks good eat it, if not dont.
ReplyWhen I say Hillshire u say Farm...
ReplyHillshire...
My father being an amateur trapper, I can vouch for the fact that there are still people who buy raw furs out there. If they don't make clothes out of them, I probably don't want to know what they do.
ReplyThis article is basic.
Replyalso, reading some of the older comments, it's starting to look like the spam messages are the least offensive and most reasonable posts on here.
Replyi don't care if people eat meat, and preachy vegetarians piss me off as much as the next person. why is everyone angry at each other? if you want to eat meat, eat it. if you don't, don't. simple as.
ReplyOkay first off, fuck you Steve...all meat eaters are dumb rednecks and all vegetarians are intelligent, well read people...this is the kind of arrogance and condescending attitude that makes you people the punch line of so many jokes in the first place.
ReplyI do not understand the problem with leather jackets...cows are used for meat, whether you like it or not, so why not use the skin and have no waste?
And as for the comments about meat needing so much water, what the hell do you think is used to clean vegetables?? And pre-peeled stuff....WATER BLASTED! I agree neither is correct but it's hardly correct to say one does something the other doesn't....and let me guess...what is your next argument...eat local and organic, non-pesticide foods?? Well that has such a poor output of food that if everyone had to try and start eating this way, hunger would rise to higher levels than we've ever seen!
As for meat eaters being more likely to be fat....you don't think that maybe this has any correlation to the fact that meat eaters are more likely to eat fast food and the obesity problem lies within the processed crap we as a society are eating everyday? Especially the poor, who would have no frigging chance And that includes packaged potatoes and pastas.
Ever notice how PETA-types are always protesting fashion shows and clothes stores where a designer dared to use leather, but they never have the "conviction" to protest a Hell's Angels motorcycle rally? LOL.
Replyoh, another pop at peta. given that it's pretty easy to make peta look stupid, how the hell have you managed to reveal yourself as a misogynistic reactionary fucknut?
Replyoh...wait...because you are. of course.