Some of you may remember my blog post on Monday about environmentalists, and why I don’t necessarily “hate” them, but I may “harbor a feeling of extreme enmity, revulsion, or hatred” towards them.
Well, in exhaustively researching that deeply factually flawed piece of info-journalism, I had the unexpected pleasure of being confronted with a series of (mostly) gorgeous naked women while image searching for bullshit pictures to keep you interested during my long, rambling tirade. And here they are:
Seriously, those are all on the first page of a Google Image Search for “PETA.” Don’t read the text on that first one, by the way; it’s the exact opposite of what belongs on a picture of a naked woman. By which I mean it’s the exact opposite of [insert joke about your penis and/or sperm].
Also, WHO STILL WEARS FUR?!! I mean, if it’s going to get Alicia Silverstone naked, I guess it’s fine, but I seriously haven’t seen anyone wearing fur in at least five years. The whole thing is bizarre, and implies that at some point in the past, at PETA’s public relations headquarters, this conversation occurred:
A Dog, Who is also President of PETA: You guys, people totally hate us for our extremism. What should we do? Blow up something?
6th Degree Vegan: I have an even better idea. Naked ladies.
3rd Degree Vegan: What about them?
6th Degree Vegan: Put them everywhere. All our ads. Connect them to our cause, no matter how tenuously.
A Dog: But that has nothing to do with our beliefs or values.
6th Degree Vegan: Yeah but sex sells.
3rd Degree Vegan: Really?
6th Degree Vegan: I’m pretty sure. I read it on the back of a business book while I was in line at Kinko’s.
A Dog: You went to Kinko’s?! Don’t you know their glue base is made from the eye jelly of the endangered Moroccan Root Beetle?!
6th Degree Vegan: Oh No!
The 6th Degree Vegan kills himself in the traditional PETA method, by standing up too fast and collapsing from exhaustion. The others, loathe to let any part of an animal go to waste, construct a crude bicycle out of the corpse and ride it to a falafel bar.
So don’t masturbate too hard, fellas (and lesbos; I don’t discriminate). Most of those women are nuts.
Besides blogging for CRACKED, Michael also makes HUGELY DIGGABLE OMG I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW WELL THAT THING DID !!! videos as writer and co-founder of Those Aren’t Muskets!
This entry was posted on Friday, January 18th, 2008 at 8:00 am and is filed under Advertising, Celebrities are Beautiful, Contains Pictures That Make Me Want To . . ., Environmentalists, PETA. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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November 8th, 2009 at 2:06 am
Alright where i agree that animal cruelty is not cool or acceptable, i have to say that there is nothing wrong with eating meat. for those of you out there living a vegetarian lifestyle because you feel guilty over the fact that a cow was killed to make that double quarter pounder with cheese or a chicken was killed to make my hot wings, remember that nature is not fair. big things eat little things. that is life. you have sharp teeth (called Canines) that are designed to rend flesh from bone. that in itself should be evidence enough to shut you up about how wrong it is. also not all farms treat there animals badly, most follow strict guidlines that ensure the animals are well taken care of, and have deaths as painless as possible. so in short, Quit whining you fucking hippie bastards, take a shower, get a job that requires actual physical effort, and stop complaining.
November 7th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
Awesome article, sir. Your wit continues to entertain me, without fail.
Note to Antonio: It’s spelt ‘Sweden’. I’d recommend you try and spell your own country’s name right before you insult another.
November 5th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
Religion is an invention of mankind and if you believe in it you are not believing the truth…. sad…..
Fur is not different to leather or eating meat, all of this are bad when the animal has poor living conditions, it’s treated bad (animals stabbed to make them move, fed so much they cant move, etcetera) and if you could never treat an animal like this then you would check where your animal is coming from and how it was killed, or kill it yourself… if you are brave enough.
and lastly…. American poor class and some of the middle class are sooo stupid you make me feel sick, im glad you have some more intelligent people to reign over you.
Love from sweeden, grow up people.
November 5th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
Ahhhh… this was hilarious.
And I’m a vegan, and part of PETA.
Come on, people, it’s a joke.
November 2nd, 2009 at 10:35 am
guys, and i think most of you are missing the point on this one, there is this amazing thing called SARCASM. look it up! sheesh.
October 20th, 2009 at 11:15 pm
People, bash on PETA all you want, but not being vegetarian or vegan, please. PETA does NOT represent all of us. What about all the vegetarians that don’t shove it in your face (which is a much greater majority than the opposite)? All the meat-eaters that bash on vegetarians/vegans are no better, really.
October 15th, 2009 at 7:07 am
I used to be a vegetarian, but now eat seafood every now and then, I just don’t like the taste or texture of meat. (Except bacon which is delicious), The point is everyone has a right to eat what he or she wants without (as long as you don’t harm people to do so) being looked down on by someone else. I don’t and never did think people are wrong to eat meat or hunt. Although I think you should use all parts possible of the animal, and think poachers are assholes. I also don’t think all environmentalists are hippies. My Husband and I are considered environmentalists in most circles, and he hunts. Respect your habitat(earth) including the other animals living inside it. I joined peta and found I differed in opinion on many topics with them. Also they never sent the promised veggie cookbook. They have no real respect for other people, and anyone who loves animals would not malnourish it by feeding it tofu or veggies unless the animal is a herbivore by nature. Btw unless you live somewhere where you cant buy a synthetic coat or it is your culture to do otherwise, there is no reasone to kill an animal solely for its fur. Fur for fashion is wrong in my opinion. If you hunt however for food, you should use the hide as well.
October 9th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
Man, if I didn’t masturbate to crazy bitches, I wouldn’t masturbate at all. I guess that’s a good thing. Or something.
October 6th, 2009 at 5:32 pm
i love to eat meat, i dont see how someone doesnt love a juicy t-bone. i dont care what it is or where it came from as long as it tastes good, im gonna eat the piss out of it. ive had people tell me that eating meat is wrong, wtf? its just the fact that we as a species have the morallity factor in our heads. like it or not human beings are just another animal on this planet so why is it ok for wild animals to eat their prey alive and still breathing but so wrong for us to hang them upside down and slit their throats before eating them? the only reason you see these famous actors and such supporting them is because of MONEY. Alicia Silverstone acted as batgirl in batman and robin but that doesnt mean she really beleives in vigilantyism. its just a marketing scheme. cuz most of americas public are retarded douchbags that cant think for themselves and have to be told how to live. LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE. if meat looks good eat it, if not dont.
October 6th, 2009 at 7:18 am
When I say Hillshire u say Farm…
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October 3rd, 2009 at 8:35 pm
My father being an amateur trapper, I can vouch for the fact that there are still people who buy raw furs out there. If they don’t make clothes out of them, I probably don’t want to know what they do.
October 3rd, 2009 at 6:50 pm
This article is basic.
October 1st, 2009 at 12:20 pm
also, reading some of the older comments, it’s starting to look like the spam messages are the least offensive and most reasonable posts on here.
October 1st, 2009 at 12:15 pm
i don’t care if people eat meat, and preachy vegetarians piss me off as much as the next person. why is everyone angry at each other? if you want to eat meat, eat it. if you don’t, don’t. simple as.
September 29th, 2009 at 8:50 am
Okay first off, fuck you Steve…all meat eaters are dumb rednecks and all vegetarians are intelligent, well read people…this is the kind of arrogance and condescending attitude that makes you people the punch line of so many jokes in the first place.
I do not understand the problem with leather jackets…cows are used for meat, whether you like it or not, so why not use the skin and have no waste?
And as for the comments about meat needing so much water, what the hell do you think is used to clean vegetables?? And pre-peeled stuff….WATER BLASTED! I agree neither is correct but it’s hardly correct to say one does something the other doesn’t….and let me guess…what is your next argument…eat local and organic, non-pesticide foods?? Well that has such a poor output of food that if everyone had to try and start eating this way, hunger would rise to higher levels than we’ve ever seen!
As for meat eaters being more likely to be fat….you don’t think that maybe this has any correlation to the fact that meat eaters are more likely to eat fast food and the obesity problem lies within the processed crap we as a society are eating everyday? Especially the poor, who would have no frigging chance And that includes packaged potatoes and pastas.
September 26th, 2009 at 2:36 am
Ever notice how PETA-types are always protesting fashion shows and clothes stores where a designer dared to use leather, but they never have the “conviction” to protest a Hell’s Angels motorcycle rally? LOL.
September 25th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
oh, another pop at peta. given that it’s pretty easy to make peta look stupid, how the hell have you managed to reveal yourself as a misogynistic reactionary fucknut?
oh…wait…because you are. of course.
September 25th, 2009 at 10:59 am
Swaim you must be really proud of your posts about environmentalism and animal rights. Just check how smart and well informed are the commenters that sympathize with your blog post. Obviously the most progressive, intelligent and responsible individuals.
I mean, who could disagree with such an enlightned opinion as “animals have no rights because they have no responsibilities”. It is so eye opening! No responsibilities = no rights! Wish I had realized that before, just to think of all of the years wasted not murdering the members of our society with no legal responsibilities, like INFANTS or perhaps the INTELLECTUALLY DISABLED.
September 3rd, 2009 at 8:02 am
go vegans! meat DOES have waay more fat than basically all other foods.
August 15th, 2009 at 10:26 pm
Why is it only young, gorgeous people with smoking bodies support PETA? It’s beginning to make me think that meat-eaters are all fat, aesthetically deficient old people, who probably enjoy murder and rape. And 9/11, those sick meat-eating fucks.
August 15th, 2009 at 7:42 am
Also, the first picture has given me such a craving for kfc…
August 15th, 2009 at 7:38 am
Meat is murder. Tasty, tasty murder
August 4th, 2009 at 8:39 pm
Meet your meat! Our teacher made us watch that in sex ed!(Weird huh) To syke us out, she bought each of us a big mac, and dared us to eat it while the movie played. I ate mine, my neighbors, and this hot chicks before the movie was over. Best day of my life.
July 18th, 2009 at 9:28 pm
?
July 2nd, 2009 at 3:43 pm
Shut up Tiffany. You PETA nuts are going to cause the downfall of the country.
July 2nd, 2009 at 2:19 pm
I am a vegetarian and a member of PETA. If naked women is what it takes to get someone’s attention long enough to open their eyes to the cruel and and disgusting treatment of animals in the meat and fur industry then they should stick with it. It got everyone’s attention in here. Even if you choose not to adopt a cruelty-free lifestyle at least your getting educated. You can love or hate animals but indifference is the basis of inhumanity. I am no better than anyone else and am not trying to convert anyone into adopting a vegetarian diet, however I think people should be informed about the products they are consuming. For instance, the meat industry puts more carbon dioxide and pollutants into the atmosphere than all the cars, suv’s, trucks, boats, and planes in the world combined. The water used to make just one quarter pounder could be used on a family of four for an entire month. Not to mention that the american cancer society agrees that meat and meat by-products can cause cancer and heart disease. Also 10 times more meat eaters are over weight than vegetarians. Of course the leading reason PETA is raising awareness about adopting a vegetarian diet (besides the obvious benefits to both the enviroment and your health) is the way farm animals are treated, including getting skinned, castrated, and boiled alive and without any pain killers. If anyone at all has taken the time to read this and would like to see more for themselves I encourage you to visit goveg.com and watch the “Meet Your Meat” video. Alec Baldwin narrates it. It is a shocking video and may make an impact on you regardless of how you may joke about how “lame-ass” or “retarded” you think PETA is. Check it out and become an informed consumer. We’re not all as crazy as you think.
June 22nd, 2009 at 8:23 pm
By the way, moral vegetarians-DON’T MAKE YOUR PETS VEGETARIANS.
(This of course includes Vegans)
I’M SERIOUS. Stop that shit. There are all these pets starving slowly from malnutrition because some shit thought that Fluffy should enjoy the dubious benefits of a moral non-meat diet.
JUST STOP.
CATS CAN’T EAT CARROTS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, I’VE SEEN THIS HAPPEN.
THEY’RE CARNIVORES!!!!!!!!
That is my PSA thank you all, have a nice day.
June 22nd, 2009 at 8:16 pm
I’m a vegetarian, but I have always been a vegetarian. It’s not something I picked up one day because my iPod was on the fritz and I liked the way that carrots matched my skinny jeans. Or whatever it is that us teenagers do.
My mom was a vegetarian, and her mom and her mom .etc….
So what I am getting at here, is that humans are omnivores, I don’t eat meat because I think it looks gross and I would probably throw at this point, but you guys go right on ahead and eat as many muscles or…ligaments…or….look, I don’t know very much about meat alright? Whatever part it is you guys eat.
And fuck you vegans. Fuck your not eating honey shit. Makes no sense.
AND YOUR COOKIES SUCK ASS.
May 16th, 2009 at 10:14 am
Yeah, but the crazies are always more interesting…
May 15th, 2009 at 9:30 am
Yay!!
March 31st, 2009 at 1:07 am
Polar bears… in brazil? How absurd.
They’d surely melt in a matter of minutes.
March 19th, 2009 at 5:59 pm
…Treatment* <__<
March 19th, 2009 at 5:59 pm
Hahaha! I love this.
Seriously; how far are PETA going to go? Humans are omnivores, trying to make every single person a vegetarian is like trying to make all the polar bears move to Brazil. Just give up already and do something useful like demanding better treatmends for the animals that do, and will, get slaughtered for food.
January 7th, 2009 at 5:39 pm
Joe Cotten loves all living things and despises idiots. You should look up his music. He’s on Myspace.
Also, I’m told he likes boobs.
January 3rd, 2009 at 4:57 am
I think instead of doing stupid crap like dumping paint on people and setting up “lobster empathy centers” PETA could always just, I don’t know set up refuges or something? Really? Pick a patch of dirt, and some animal can live there. All that money and all those people, and it never occurred to them to set up sanctuaries or something?
December 25th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
My wife and I have a small hobby farm where we raise our own goats, sheep and chickens. We milk the goats, and the sheep, sell them, breed them and occasionally eat them. BUt let me say, their only bad day is their last day, and that’s quick and humane. The factory farms are why we do this, though primarily because the meat from them is usually full of crap, and the milk has all the nutrition cooked out of it, and needs to have more put in. We have raw milk, full-fat, and wonderful goat’s meat to eat. And if anyone touts the idea that goats are naturally low in fat, tell them that out of a 180 pound goat, we usually butcher about 40 pounds of fat out of it, along with the fat throughout the meat. MMmm-that’s good meat! And we use the fat to make soap, and feed the reamins to our dogs-nothing goes to waste, even the skin.
December 22nd, 2008 at 5:27 pm
lol PETA. Every time someone brings it up (or brings up vegetarianism) I always think of that Futurama episode
“Animals eat other animals. It’s nature”
“No it’s not, we taught a lion to eat tofu!”
*Extremely thin and pathetic looking lion coughs weakly*
December 12th, 2008 at 5:57 am
Poignant words, Josh. I think we all feel the same.
December 11th, 2008 at 2:31 am
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November 26th, 2008 at 8:39 am
Well, I guess if there’s one thing you can learn from reading all these comments, it’s this-
Vegans, Vegetarians: Thoughtful, well informed, intelligent, empathetic, mentally and physically healthy.
Meat eaters: Stupid, self-centered, boorish, frightened, mentally challenged, cruel, redneck dipshit conservative assholes.
But we ALL kind of knew that anyway.
November 23rd, 2008 at 1:37 am
“I see dumb people”, Screw you. I regularly work in the killing houses of chickens, cows, and pigs. It has no ill effect on my appetite. I can watch the chickens hang upside down, get shocked, run across the throat slitter, and then bleed out. I can watch the pigs come into the kill room, get shocked, hung upside down by the achilles tendon, have the throat slashed, and bleed out. I can watch the similar slaughter of the cows. Then at lunch time, I go out and eat fried chicken, ham, or rib eye steak. It is true that the slaughter house odors are bad. It is not true that it has an effect on my desire to eat animal flesh.
November 23rd, 2008 at 1:28 am
Charley is a dumbass, too. I have the biggest effect on the environment that I can manage. I not only use plastic, I don’t throw it into the landfill. I take it out back and burn it! You stupid greenies just ignore the fact of your arrogance in thinking that man or even mankind as a whole has the ability to harm or destroy what God made. What utter foolishness!
November 23rd, 2008 at 1:17 am
What a moron Zak is. Animals don’t have rights! To have rights, one must be able to articulate them. Obviously, the beasts don’t have the capability to articulate rights. What differentiates mankind from the beasts? Advanced tool use, recognition of and honoring of God, invention, the ability to think rationally, the ability to articulate rights, the ability to kill animals and use them for food, clothing, energy, and shelter, the ability to create and operate the fine farms and slaughterhouses that provide so much wonderful benefit to our kind. You vegetables out there that don’t want to take part in our system can sit around bitching, claiming victim status, petting pigs and cows all you want. I don’t worry about it. Your right to act so stupid is kept by our splendid brave volunteer soldiers. Just don’t make the mistake of acting like an animal around me. If you think you can prevent my consumption of flesh or ruin my property, and act on it, you will witness my exercise of my beloved second amendment rights!
November 23rd, 2008 at 12:47 am
Oh, I forgot to mention that I don’t wear my furs. I just hang the things on the wall. I have a grey fox, a coyote, a beaver, a muskrat, a bobcat, a racoon, a white tailed deer, and a good bit of cow hide. It hangs on my bedroom walls so I can enjoy thinking on it each evening. Wonderful, lifeless, furry bits of leather with attached feet, tails, heads, and all! What a great use of beasts after you’ve consumed the flesh. I hopr to soon have a bison, a bear, an elk, and an antelope. Wish me luck!
November 23rd, 2008 at 12:38 am
What a chicken shit bunch of crybaby sluts! I have many furs and plan to get more. I also plan to eat all the animals I can afford. I don’t hunt, I like the brutal farm raised meat that I buy at market after the beasts have had a visit to the slaughter house. If ever you’ve been to an animal slaying house, you will appreciate the effort undertaken by our precious meat industry to feed us! What a splendid lot of planning and efficiency! Keep on killing them, boys. I’m hungry for some beast flesh. Beef, Pork, Chicken, Lamb, Fish, Goat, etc. I LOVE IT!
November 20th, 2008 at 11:47 pm
You’re kind of retarded, huh?
First you call PETA “environmentalists”…
Which they’re not. They’re an animal rights organization. Animals have about as much to do with the environment as you do.
To PETA, environmental concerns end at the same point as human environmental concerns do– as in, the environment directly around the animals in question. Almost all of their attention goes to domesticated animals; environmental concerns are immaterial to PETA.
Second, the degrees of veganism thing… Yeah, I know you most likely got it from that episode of the Simpsons where Lisa had a crush on that guy played by Jonathon Taylor Thomas, but… It’s really not that funny and anybody who understands veganism/vegetarianism understands that veganism = not consuming animal products. Nuff said.
I’m not really interested in debating the merits of vegetarianism and animal rights with people on the internet; after all, the internet turns you into an asshole who has to defend your position to the death. It does it to me, too. That’s the whole point of the internet.
But I will point out the stupid errors that make you look like a stupid idiot for saying these things.
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March 27th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
not all meat is killed in an inhumane way. if fact, one of the qualifications for kosher meat is that the animal be killed in a way that spares it the most pain (by law to kill the animal its head must swiftly be chopped off. that way all nerve connections to the brain are cut and there is less pain for the animal).
March 19th, 2008 at 7:29 pm
What’s a great way to protest the exploitation of animals? The exploitation of women!
March 18th, 2008 at 1:28 am
I really don’t get why some people worry so much about what someone else is eating.
If you don’t want to eat meat,that’s your decision.But if I have some type of meat with my veggies,I don’t need or want to hear your views on my dietary habits.What I consume Is no one’s business but my own.As for the wearing of fur or leather,if I live where it’s cold
and fur will keep me warm.Then I’ll wear fur.And if someone throws red paint on me,or the coat that I bought to keep myself warm.Well let’s just say,we’ll both be getting charges down at the police station.Them for ruining my coat,and me for hanging a boot in their ass.
I’m not any more agressive than the next guy,but I will not hesitate to protect myself or my property.I am 6′3″ 240 lbs,a former member of the 101 st. Airbourne,I was taught how to
survive in almost any weather and in varied terrain situations (mountains,desert,swamp,jungle,and the artic)I will improvise,I will adapt,I will over come,
I will survive.I will be warm and well fed in any situation.No brag,just fact.
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For the love of animals: http://neilsnotes.com/?page=15&catid=24&sku=E-00408
Send a loved-one this very special card on their very special (Birth)day.
March 2nd, 2008 at 2:09 am
“I am genuinely curious as to what the grand plan actually is”
is there a plan? i don’t think any petas expect better than reduced fur sales.
but if every human went vegan, what happens to ol’ MacDonald’s farm’s residents?
well, what would you do if you didn’t want brainless teacup chupacabras or other republicans? stop breeding them. the old ones will die out. true for any biological thing, including johnsongrass
btw, farm critters sometimes go feral, but people tend to kill them off. readup on invasive species like zebra mussels (and johnsongrass). very costly.
March 2nd, 2008 at 1:48 am
fixed your url: http://images.google.com/images?q=Peta&safe=off
to the carnivores: why not eat your relatives? that would reduce the number of species killed by humans (hunters, house dwellers, etc).
go to a feedlot/sty. or drive thru iowa. dare to inhale.
then, the next time you smell parts of that critter cooking, you will recognize the smell of feedlot. you still wanna eat something that smells like it’s been rubbed in pigshit?
February 28th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
I think I’d rather just rape a panda bear. That’ll be my fur coat, a nice fat chubby panda stuffed and mounted on the end of my cock wrapping its arms and legs around me.
February 27th, 2008 at 11:34 pm
Who wants to go to the SPCA with me tomorrow and kick kittens?!
http://www.NeilsNotes.com
February 27th, 2008 at 2:37 am
I’ve never understood the vicious hatred that a lot of meat eaters have for vegans.
I mean, yeah, there are those obnoxious ones that scoff at you when you say you want a cheeseburger, and ask you if you’re happy with the fact that you’re supporting heartless butchery. The ones who find some sort of sick pleasure in describing every single thing that happens in a cruel slaughterhouse. The ones who watch endless videos of butchery and then post them on your myspace.. BUT COME ON. There aren’t many of those. Okay, well, maybe there are. But hey! Check out their clothes hanging off of their scrawny bodies! You can totally beat them up! And what’s the use of arguing reasonably with someone when you could just beat the hell out of them? Seriously. Take your rack of lamb and pummel the hell out of that vegan until your suppressed rage has subsided until the next month when your wife looks at you wrong and incurs a much deserved uterus punching.
Problem solved!
February 20th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
Recipe:
Roast CAT
Take one cat and and kick it 3 or 4 times to make it nice and tender. And then hang it upside down and cut it’s head,after it has stoped moving remove it’s fur coat ( you can use it for a hat ). You will need 1 lemon
2 medium Onions
some Olive oil
Cut up meat and onions and cook until done. put it all on some “PETA” bread and enjoy!!!!
Get over yourself’s this is a joke !!!!
Will not the recipe but peta sure is. and so is being a vegan or what ever you are calling your selfs now.
I grew up on a farm and have worked with animals, And I eat meat 3 times a day “EVERY DAY” and I am 55 years old and my Doc. says that I am very very healthy I am 200LB’s 6′ 2″ tall and ware size 32 pants and can bench press 510LB’s any day of the week. You should try it ( eating meat ) and you may not be so skinny like the little twig’s in the pic’s. Someone on here said that they would like to see peta throw paint on an hells angels leather jacket Will I would like to see that also, or better yet please let one of them put paint on any of my leathers or fur jackets will lets just say that I would be so happy for them that I would makesure that they get to go on a helicopter ride. Will you know I have never had problems with peta until today when I read in music news that peta jumped all over Aretha Franklin just because she had on a fur coat: “SO WHAT” leave her alone she can put on all of the fur she wan’t’s to. And now because of this I am going to buy my wife a new fur and my mom one too, and I am going to makesure that it is a real fur and came from the worst place that I can, I may even take up hunting again JUST FOR THE FURS if you don’t leave her alone, and this is no joke.
February 19th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
I would just like to post another comment regarding all of the people who don’t seem to understand veganism at all. If you research the farms and factories that these animals are commodified in, you will see that it is very dangerous to our environment to be continuing to do things the way we are. And cows are not born with full, ready-to-be-milked udders. They are like humans in that, they have a baby and the baby drinks that milk. What we do is shove sperm into them, force them to have babies and then take the babies right away. So the milk needs to go somewhere, so we milk them and then kill them. The cages they live in do not allow movement. They are forced to live horrific lives without friends or family or any emotional comfort(yes, animals have feelings). And if you are the type that loves their dog but eats meat, I suggest you do some more research. All animals have the same emotional and intellectual capacities of cats and dogs. In fact pigs are smarter than both these animals. Just clearing that up!
February 19th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Hey
I’ve been vegan for almost three years now and have never been healthier. I have a lot more energy than before and get sick a whole lot less. Before you start bashing something, try it out. It’s fun! And I do not support peta. Most serious animal rights activists don’t. I’m a lot more interested in saving animals than I am in seeing naked women on billboards.
February 15th, 2008 at 5:47 am
gps dog collar…
The built in proximity alert system lets you set alarms when you get close to these areas. That allows you to avoid the headaches that might come from traffic or speeding through a school zone….
January 31st, 2008 at 1:26 am
Of course we should reduce unnecessary suffering and poor conditions.
But unless PETA is going to adopt every animal on the face of the earth and make all the predators vegan, most animals will either
- run from predators all their lives and die being eaten alive or starving to death
- be protected, get shot in the head one day and be memorialized as a delicious pork roast
So eat up, it’s the most humane and dignified thing to do
January 31st, 2008 at 12:32 am
There has GOT to be some naked pro-Bush girl posters out there. Somewhere….
(Yes, pro-Bush people do exist. There are 29 Bush supporters in the world. I am 3.)
January 27th, 2008 at 2:41 am
I had two cheeseburgers for lunch and I couldn’t feel better about it.
January 23rd, 2008 at 2:16 pm
nuke the whales!
January 23rd, 2008 at 12:59 pm
Advertising like this and lynch mobs with red paint have succesfully eradicated most real fur to the point that it is so rare it’s looked at by collectors. I’d love to get me a hat made out of a racoon, or real manly bear boxer shorts, or cougar lingerie for a girl I know who just turned 34.
January 23rd, 2008 at 11:53 am
Unless they avoid leather and meat like the plague too, I suggest they shut-up about fur. Otherwise, it’s called ‘hypocrite’.
January 23rd, 2008 at 6:14 am
I can vaguely see in my head why vegans don’t eat animals and stuff-i don’t agree with it, but i can see it. But what in Uncle Sam’s nipples is logical, environmentally friendly or healthy about not eating dairy products like milk and cheese? You know what happens to cows when they don’t get milked? Their udders get swollen, the milk curdles and they DIE, PETA-tards. How is it inhumane to acquire the healthy, great-tasting stuff we get from milking cows? We’re doing them a favour! ESPECIALLY as the udder is essentially a cow’s breasts! The cow gets an electric joy machine strapped to its nipples and has a wild old time!
January 22nd, 2008 at 9:16 pm
So don’t exploit animals, but people are okay?
Blech.
Has anyone here seen that “Best (fatal) Hunting Accidents” PETA blog?
They’d rather their fellow human die than a fish.
Those people are crazy.
January 22nd, 2008 at 1:54 pm
I think Troy McClure summed it up best:
Jimmy: Uhh, Mr. McClure? I have a crazy friend who says its wrong to eat meat. Is he crazy?
Troy: Nooo, just ignorant. You see your crazy friend never heard of “The Food Chain”. Just ask this scientician.
Scientician: Uhhh…
Troy: He’ll tell you that, in nature, one creature invariably eats another creature to survive. Don’t kid yourself Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about!
January 22nd, 2008 at 11:45 am
Join People Eating Tasty Animals today!
January 22nd, 2008 at 9:51 am
@TheDarkLord, January 21st, 2008 at 3:49 am
just some basic biology lesson you apperently missed at school: animals eat plants. so i am wondering how you plan to eat meat without hurting a plant. (just as i’m wondering about your age, you don’t seem old enough to still be up that late)
January 21st, 2008 at 9:32 pm
You guys did a post on nude Peta activists and you left out Joanna Krupa? Wtf is wrong with you?
January 21st, 2008 at 5:27 pm
It’s your dog there larry,torch away, but I think you kind of missed the point.
January 21st, 2008 at 5:01 pm
“Therefore it is impossible to be inhumane to an animal”
oh seriously? sweet, i guess I’ll go set fire to my dog now. Thanks!
January 21st, 2008 at 4:44 pm
I made a joke of it a few posts ago, but seriously, what do vegans think would happen to domesticated farm animals if we all stopped eating their meat, wearing their skin, and consuming products made with their various other bits-and-bobs? What possible use is there for a cow or pig otherwise? They aren’t my idea of a good pet.
You wouldn’t even be able to go and see them in a zoo, because if the pale, sickly-looking tofu-lovers ever managed to actually impose their dietary beliefs upon the rest of ous carnivores, they’d certainly ban zoos as well.
So what happens to old McDonald’s barnyard chums then? Ignoring the insultingly stereotypical description of a vegan, I am genuinely curious as to what the grand plan actually is…
January 21st, 2008 at 4:30 pm
I’m always amused when people claim that whatever diet they think is healthy will work for everyone else.
News flash- there is great genetic diversity in humans, and some of us are perfectly healthy eating no meat, while others can be perfectly healthy eating nothing BUT meat. There are historical examples of BOTH in various cultures (see ancient Finland and Lappland for cultures where only women ate vegetables, or India for cultures where men eat no meat at all).
I eat meat that’s organically raised, ethically killed and sanitarily butchered. It costs extra! I kill my own meat when possible, because it’s unethical to eat anything you are not willing to kill yourself. I don’t use plastic for anything if I can avoid it (not always possible, unfortunately). I have less environmental impact than some city-dwelling vegan with plastic shoes, and my lifestyle is far more sustainable, and environmental destruction is crueler to the animals than hunting them is.
January 21st, 2008 at 10:15 am
Dear Lothlorien Elf Enthusiasts (moral vegetarians):
If you ever tried my slow-cooked pork ribs, your moral foundation would crumble so quickly that you would actually start aiming for the chipmunks on the road before you re-calibrated your sense of decency.
Which is good because these comments make me think that you are mentally retarded to the very degree of which you believe yourselves enlightened. Isn’t that a neat coincidence?
Also, this post was funny enough to link and send to friends of all dietary backgrounds!
January 21st, 2008 at 5:01 am
Well I guess there are no vegans are willing to stand up and explain their beliefs. I just want to know why they think it’s cruel or wrong to eat meat. I personally only eat meat about twice a week. That is for health reasons not any moral issues. Ancient man did not eat meat everyday and when he did he had to work like hell to get it.
Truly our bodies are not designed to digest meat three times a day everyday. However, we evolved eating meat when we could get it and probably evolved as we did because of meat eating. The proteins and amino acids in meat allowed our brains to grow larger and develop into the brains we have today. Cooking of this meat allowed further development and growth of the human brain. Unfortunately these evolved brains we have now has led some people to think that they can extend human ideals and concepts to non human organisms. Some of these folks say it is inhumane to eat animals. Well guess what the root word of inhumane is, that’s right boys and girls, HUMAN. Therefore it is impossible to be inhumane to an animal. If you tried to treat a cow, hog, chicken or a fish like a human
Guess what would happen if you did? Say you invited them to your house to watch a movie. They would just shit and piss all over your floor and furniture and break shit. Except the fish he would just flop around a bit then shit on your floor and die, because he can’t live out of the water. I’m not advocating beating puppies with bats or tying a paper bag to a cats tail and setting it on fire to watch it run like hell( One of my Grandaddies actually did this but this was back in the 1930’s and there was no TV, so it was excusable) But just use some common sense , which a lot of vegans and PETA people seem to be lacking.
January 21st, 2008 at 3:49 am
Yes, plants are living things. I personally, will not harm a vegetable. I will only eat meat. I will not eat any vegetables or use any vegetable products. Nothing that has to do with plant life will touch or enter my body. I will viciously condemn anyone who uses plants in any aspect of their lives. Before you eat your next vegetable pie, consider that you tear the plants from their homes, cruelly slice them into pieces, stuff them in cans, and then cook their corpses. You are SICK! (see how ridiculous it looks from the other end?)
January 20th, 2008 at 11:20 pm
How about bread? You take some ground plants (wheat), add some living organisms (yeast), allow the organisms to propogate, then stuff them in the oven and kill them all. Choke that down with your toast.
January 20th, 2008 at 10:04 pm
Could someone please explain to me why it is ok to eat plants but not ok to animals.
According to some research I have read, plants can feel pain and some have even gone so far as to say that they have emotions. So I would like to know what the difference is or at least someone please explain to me why it is not ok to eat meat.
January 20th, 2008 at 9:54 pm
Um ISeeDumbPeople, seeing this is somehow worse then watching a lion rip apart a gazelle?
Hey it’s nature, the only mammals that have 3D hearing and vision, are meat eaters. It’s what we were built to do.
January 20th, 2008 at 9:44 pm
You know, if PETA has been around several thousand years ago and had their way, we would not have dogs and cats as pets today. Ok, I would be alright with the cat thingy, but it would really suck not having dogs.
I’ve always wanted to ask a PETA person, why is it ok to eat one life form, but not another? Isn’t that a little hypocritical?
A Vegan that has a house on land that used to support nature has killed more animals then a hunter could ever dream of.
I say: “Save the animals, eat a PETA!”
January 20th, 2008 at 9:30 pm
“and not everyone who eats meat enjoys torturing animals.”
Well most of the people commenting here seem to take a certain relish in it. Pretty sad. I guess being brought face to face with the fact that you are party to really nasty cruel stuff thats largely unnecessary, goes against ones intrinsic belief that one is a sophisticated, thoughtful, intelligent and perfectly civilised 20th century human being incapable of wrongdoing and hence tends to get folks very defensive.
Your meat diet supports a profit driven industry, devoid of ethics, which does unspeakable things to millions of animals every day. And They don’t care about humans much either. Wages and working conditions suck (and surely can’t be good for one’s mental well being!) and Growth hormones, pus and antibiotics get into the meat/milk and screw with peoples health.
So, before you eat your next meat pie, I challenge you to visit a slaughterhouse or factory chicken farm (if they let you in. they can be quite paranoid and secretive.) and have a look at some of the reality behind your lifestyle. After all, if what goes on there is perfectly ok then you won’t really mind will you? Then go ahead and enjoy your dinner.
January 20th, 2008 at 7:14 pm
As a side point, there is a gray area. Some of you may not know that you are able to be a vegetarian, but not be an asshole, and not everyone who eats meat enjoys torturing animals.
January 20th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
See, this is what happens when we Americans aren’t fighting for something that matters, we rally around stupid shit. I’m all for hot women, I mean, I’d rather you were naked than wore fur too, but for a pretty different reason. But seriously, I don’t care if someone wants to be a vegetarian, hey, it’s the land of the free, knock yourself out. Trying to ram it down other peoples throats is fucking bullshit. It’s no better than if someone tries to force religion. Veganism (or whatever the fuck they call their way of life) is just another way for assholes to try to say their better than other people and thereby becoming bigger assholes. And you know, no matter what, somewhere, somehow along the line, you use animal products of somekind, no matter who the fuck you are. It gets in there eventually, you can’t avoid it. Your food has bugs (even with pesticides, imagine how many without). And you know, many vegans also happen to believe in evolution, which doesn’t make any logical sense, because if we’re all just animals, then the strong survive, and humans are the strongest animal. And, if you’re that rare vegan who happens to be a Christian (yes, I know there are other religions, I just happen to know this one) then you should know the Almighty said it was totally cool for us to eat animals. You know who killed the first animal? GOD. That’s right, book of Genesis, check it out.
January 20th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Actually, fur has been pretty dang trendy this past winter, as seen in the collections of Versace, Marc Jacobs, Miu Miu, Christian Lacroix, Valentino, Elie Saab, Jean Paul Gaultier to name a few.
Other than that I agree with you completely.
January 20th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
Not that im complaining about their current advertising scheme, but i dont see how its going to make people become vegetarian.
January 20th, 2008 at 4:50 am
I don’t eat/drink cow products because they’re fed subsidized corn, and given horomones and antibiotics. On the other hand, these factors are the reason that 90% of North American women have giant boobs.
I am torn.
January 19th, 2008 at 10:35 pm
The “ethical” vegetarians look down on leather too, John, and a lot of them want the meat industry outlawed entirely and constantly tout the health benefits of being vegetarian, ignoring economic constraints or biological makeup that would make meat necessary (like a B12 deficiency, or anemia, or being severely underweight and needing extra fat or whatever).
They’re fucking crazy, by the way.
Me, I’m a (non-ethical) vegetarian and I don’t like leather…but that’s because wearing another animal’s skin kinda grosses me out. Same with eating another animal, but if other people want to, have fun, I’ll sit over here with my pasta and salad.
January 19th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
What do veggies think about leather? Since it’s a by-product of beef, and I doubt as much as 1% of dead cows in history were killed primarily for leather, isn’t using leather just being economical with the corpse of an animal that would die for the meat anyway?
January 19th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
If people want to wear fur or leather that’s up to them, just like eating meat. I have seen a video of some animals getting skinned alive for fur and it was pretty damn disturbing; I didn’t like that. As long as it’s not like that, I don’t have any problem with it.
January 19th, 2008 at 10:24 am
I’m confused. Although initial anti-anti-fur, thanks to CRACKED I recently became aquainted with the terms ‘furries’ and ‘yiffing,’ and now believe that for the good of mankind anyone with even slight pro-fur leanings should be cleansed with fire and sword.
January 18th, 2008 at 9:43 pm
A friend of my wife’s got a vegan wallet for Christmas. To me it looked like a genuine imitation leather wallet or something that would have had faux in the title on it somewhere. It would have normally cost about 5 bucks, but you stamp Vegan on it and her husband pays ninety dollars for it. Fucking yuppie moron.
January 18th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
If it weren’t for me, you’d be writing Scientology pamplets under the brutal command of Kirstie Alley from the poop (lol) deck of the U.S.S. Enterprise, Swaim. Now where’s my Mendes booty?
January 18th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
Hey um, what’s your point there?
With all those contadictary statements you should be a politician.
January 18th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
People started wearing fur because it’s fucking warm and we were fucking freezing in the winter. It was kind of a necessity back then. These days we have synthetics that can do the job, but let me tell you from personal experience, real, actual fur is awesome for keeping out the cold, because, well, that’s why the ANIMALS have it. At the same time, a lot of companies do things in a lot of different fucked up ways because it’s economically advantagious (translation: they make more money from cruel methods), such as debeaking chickens and forcing feedlot animals to eat corn (which cows and other rumen animals aren’t evolved to tolerate). If I can get cruelty-free food/fur/leather/whatever, I do so. Unfortunately, it’s awfully hard to be certain of what’s really cruelty-free and what’s a marketing scheme (especially when the Government and USDA are heavily influenced by the cattle industry).
As for the nekkid ladies, I’m in favor of any excuse to show the beautiful human form naked, regardless of gender. I’d just like to see some of these PETA nuts throwing paint on leather-jacket-wearing Hell’s Angels instead of just upper class rich people. That would be not only fair, but also hilarious. Specially if it gets caught on camera.
January 18th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
Wild_Marker: I think wearing ‘human fur’ is only a problem if it’s someone else’s
January 18th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Fucking vegans.
“Hey man, you know what I haven’t seen for like, ages, man? A pig”
“Of course not you fucking hippy retard, we don’t eat them anymore, so they all died. What were you expecting us to do, pay good money feeding them so they can wallow in their own shit all fucking day? Fucking hippy. Get a job. And a bath…”
January 18th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
I WILL NOT BE LECTURED BY A PIZZA DELIVERY BOY!
January 18th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
You forgot the best ad, the one with Eva Mendes.
January 18th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
super funny post- FUCK peta-
January 18th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
these pictures are nice and sweet as the ones on casualpal.com
January 18th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
yea, agree with Wild_Maker
January 18th, 2008 at 11:43 am
That’s my major problem with the whole “ethical consumer” thing. That it is so expensive usually that there are people who can’t afford it so its like ethics and feeling superior is only available to you once you hit a certain income level. If not then you can go choke on hamburger helper or something.
January 18th, 2008 at 11:26 am
So wait, if the naked ladies go naked, aren’t they actually going ON HUMAN FUR??
January 18th, 2008 at 11:25 am
Enviromentalists also assume everyone can insulate the lofts of their suburban homes and spend their free-time gardening in their expansive back yards. And pay for free-range, organic crap.
Because, after all, no one lives in apartment blocks in the city or in shitty low-income housing right?
January 18th, 2008 at 11:05 am
The fur thing is actually a perfect example of how PETA marginalizes itself. In their silly little rich worlds, they see fur everywhere so they assume that it is a real issue when fur actually represents perhaps the smallest fraction of any industry mistreating and killing animals. I honestly believe that these people do this shit so that they can schmooze about it at Hollywood cocktail parties.
January 18th, 2008 at 10:49 am
Fur is on a lot of women’s clothing and accesories, as lining and/or on the collar, on many jackets, boots, sweaters, handbags, etc. I have a lot myself, not like I try to seek out things with fur on them but it really is everywhere, in the winter especially.
January 18th, 2008 at 10:40 am
I would rape a fucking panda bear for a bacon-coat.
January 18th, 2008 at 8:59 am
MMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmm. bacon-coat……. grrugugururugurugurg
January 18th, 2008 at 8:49 am
Haven’t vegetarians ever heard of synthetic fibres? Or fibres from plants? You can eat meat and not wear fur so I’m a little confused as to how just vegetarianism = naked.
Unless there are coats made out of bacon, I guess.
January 18th, 2008 at 8:27 am
Last post!