And He Saw That They Were Good

She may not be the greatest actress, or director, or producer, but everyone can agree that Salma Hayek has one attribute no one can argue with—her mind.

Specifically, she was smart enough to ask God for some world-class gazongas:

My mom and I stopped at a church during a road trip we were making from our home in Mexico. When we went inside, I prayed for the miracle I wanted to happen. I put my hands in holy water and said: ‘Please God, give me some breasts.’ And he gave me them! Within a few months, I developed a growing spurt, as teenagers do, and I was very pleased with the way I grew outwards.

Unfortunately for her fellow citizens, while the Hombre Upstairs was expertly sculpting Hayek’s tetas del Dios, He was too busy to intervene in the 1985 Mexico City earthquake which killed 9,000 people or Mexico’s crushing quarterfinal loss in the 1986 World Cup, not to mention the tragic death of a small Oaxacan child who was destined to cure cancer and banish world hunger had he not been trampled in 1983 by a herd of rabid llama.

But—¡ay, qué melones!

Last 5 posts by Ian Cooper

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