An Open Letter To American Express
Dear American Express,
How are you? I know how hard this global recession has been on everyone, so I thought I'd check in on an old friend. We have had a professional relationship for over ten years.
Me? Well, I'm getting by. Several months ago, I was laid off with millions of other people. I had to take a job at half my prior salary and sell my house. But what am I saying? You know all this! That's right. After you saw that my credit report showed a sudden three month hiccup in my otherwise flawless finances, you called to see how I was doing. No wait. Not to see how I was doing. To unilaterally cut my credit limit from $25,000 to $1,000. Oh, and you didn't actually call. But that post card was nice.
Needless to say, this rift in our friendship left me spinning with questions. Mostly, I just want to know why. I was so good to you. I mean, yes I stopped paying my mortgage, (for the house already on the market) but I paid every single other bill. I paid all YOUR bills. Remember the good times? You were my friend ... with benefits. What happened to the American Express I knew? The one who thanked me for my prompt payments and kept raising my credit limit? I got a new job. Is it my ass? It's not me. It's these new jeans. Ask Capital One, they're totally into what I got going on. It just seemed like someone over there had made a grievous error.
So I decided to call because that's what friends do, right? They don't jump to conclusions and take rash actions without the facts. But, apparently, it wasn't an error. One of your employees -let's call her BitchFace- conveyed the sentiment in a subtle way:
"It's not an error, Mr. Gladstone," she said, twisting her heel into the larynx of a baby chihuahua. As I bent over to see if I could find what was left of my self worth and dignity rolling away on the floor, she upped the ante:
"We have you right where we want you."
Yeah, I'm not joking. Who says that? I think she meant Amex had me at their desired credit limit, but seriously? "We have you right where we want you" is third on the list of evil phrases right behind "we have ways of making you talk," and "we're going to revoke your Facebook account if you keep harassing teens."
I'm not going to lie to you American Express. This was a serious test of our friendship. But once my credit report was updated it showed no mortgage debt. Indeed, I had a credit rating of over 700. I faxed you the new information, proudly. Glad that we'd be able to put all this nonsense behind us, and you'd be able to return my credit limit to a point higher than let's say ... the cost of a high def TV or 8 nice dinners? I mean, c'mon, with a $1,000 credit limit, how was I going to afford a quality hit man to kill each and every one of the miserable bastards I'd spoken to at your company? I'd have to use some untested soldier of fortune off craigslist and he might not be any good. He might not slice your carotid artery clean enough and you'd have to die slowly over a long period of time while he did unspeakably perverted things to your increasingly lifeless corpse. None of us wanted that. So I submitted hard evidence and waited for you to do the right thing.
Well guess what? For a cynical guy who does a web series about hating things that suck, I am surprisingly optimistic and naive. Two weeks after my financial care package you sent another post card (I guess BitchFace couldn't come to the phone) informing me that you were keeping my credit limit at $1,000.
One thing did make me feel a little better, though. No, not the new friend I found online who is willing to torture/murder creditors for half his normal rates (although that does help) but finding out that I'm not alone. American Express and other credit card companies have been up to all sorts of mindless shenanigans, making draconian decisions based more on the appearances of cutting costs than actually understanding which clients present unreasonable risks.
But hey, these are tough times. I get it. And I think it's completely fair that you safeguard yourself against greed and carelessness. Even if it was your greed and carelessness that put you in this situation in the first place. If making my life more difficult helps you sleep at night, then, hey, I guess that's what friends are for.
Besides, I'm very much into the idea of you sleeping soundly. My new friend tells me he works best at night.
Wishing you every success.
From,
A Loyal Customer
Love the ad for if I know my credit score.
ReplyMungo will take the life of those who wronged you, but he won't take any card from American Express! Visa: For everyone you want to kill!
ReplyIt would be my pleasure to seek revenge for Mr. Snibbles, but I only accept cash.
ReplyYES! "We have you right where we want you." Priceless. "Mr. Snibbles": Giggles abound. This article is so true, so familiar.
Replyyou could harass me on facebook any time..!
Reply[...] Source [...]
Replyhahahaha
ReplyOf course it will Amanda, and I'll have a condo on the moon. Keep those dreams alive, it's the only thing we can afford.
ReplyAhh this takes me back to the time I missed a payment last year. The only one I had ever missed on anything in my life. And my credit card companies (both - are they in cahoots?) both doubled my interest rates and told me I wasn't "far enough behind" to make any sort of payment plan and that they just couldn't work with me. And then lowered my limit to just below my balance so they could collect late AND over the limit fees.
ReplyCould you please add Citibank and Wamu to this letter?
The article was good, yet quite true unfortunately :(
ReplyExcellent article.
ReplyThe worst part is you know the financially responsible people will accept their new limits while the people who can't manage credit will desperately find a way to either keep their high limit or secure a new one, and in the long term that's going to cause everybody to lose.
ReplyIf they were smart they'd actually employ consultants to come out and talk with people instead of just sending out a 'no credit for you' letter after two missed payments. Not simply to evaluate your financial situation but to help you get it under control. Unless they're intentionally giving out money to people who can't pay them back then those people should, at least theoretically, be able to pay their bills at the assigned credit limit. If those people can't pay their bills then something has gone wrong and its in both parties best interests to get it sorted out.
If it turns out that person is an airhead who can't comprehend that buying things on Amex still costs money, then by all means cut their credit right back. However if it turns out it was just a hiccup, or their situation has changed, having someone come in and help come up with a game plan to get everything back on track would be a life saver.
If Amex were willing to put up that level of support and show that sort of commitment to mutual success I would happily use their cards until the day I died. I'll never trust a credit company, but knowing they're not going to shank me the instant I display any signs of weakness would be very nice.
I don't think you "get" credit card companies. They don't want "responsible" customers. They don't flock to college campuses in September with buxom young representatives to hand out cheap merch in exchange for signing up because they want to foster "mutual success" with their 18-year-old customers. No, they want you as deep into debt as fast as they can get you there. Because that's where the money is - that sweet 27% interest they charge on balances.
For "responsible" customers, who pay their balances on time every month, what do they get? The privilege of extending you a 30-day loan at no interest? What the hell kind of business plan is that?
"What about deadbeat borrowers?", you ask? Well, what about them? See, it's damned near impossible to declare bankruptcy these days (guess who pushed that legislation?), so unless you're content to live a life of working under the table for cash that can't be garnished, and never owning anything in your name that can get a lien slapped on it, there's no getting away from that debt. It's just going to suck you dry where-ever you go, and Amex or Visa or whoever will likely end up collecting the balance you're carrying many times over before you can crawl out from under it. And what possible business could be better than that?
I'm so glad I'm still too young to have to deal with this bullshit. By the time I'm of age, the economy will be all better, right guys? RIGHT??
ReplyI think karma's finally catching up with USA
@coke fueled rage: My house did sell. I never opted for capital one. I had about a 700 dollar balance on the card when they pulled their stunt and i'm currently carrying a 0 balance.
ReplyI don't like to complain in the comments so much, but this article was obviously just a way for the author air a grudge. It wasn't even very amusing.
Replyhahahahhahahaha
ReplyThey did the right thing.
ReplyYou would have only ended up using the other 24,000 to pay down the Capital One card and when your house didn't sell and you ended up in the street...where would the shareholders of Amex be ?
They would be out 24 grand, that's where.
So thank Amex for keeping you from being a drag on society.
hatebyfail: go fuck yourself. that said, it's nice to see both swaim and gladstone writing for a change
ReplyOh, and they lowered my credit limit from $15,000 to $7,000, when my balance was about $6,950. Gee, they wouldnt be trying to accrue over balance fees, would they?
ReplyYep, happened to me to, even after paying early and paying over for two consecutive months. I called Citigroup and berrated some peon call taker, who promptly hung up on me rather than fight back with logic.
ReplyI think everyone should stop paying the credit cards en masse