Americans change religions approximately as often as they change long distance plans.
A recent article in the New York Times highlighted a study that finds more than a quarter of Americans have left their faiths in order to join a new religion at some point in their life -- a number that jumps to over 40% if we count all those wishy-washy Protestant faiths. In terms of levels of commitment, this puts religion at roughly the same level as claiming that your favorite ice cream is chocolate, or that "you'll only drive a Ford." The report goes on to outline how this trend has been growing in the past few decades, with all religions gaining and losing adherents at roughly equal rates, with the notable exception of those who claim no affiliated religion, a group that has been steadily growing in numbers since the early 1990's. As a side note, can it be a coincidence that this rise in faithlessness began at almost the same time television's Murphy Brown bore a child out of wedlock? The answer: yes, probably. So what is the reason for this growing trend towards people changing faiths? Rather than talking to a bunch of people who have changed religions, or even reading the rest of the article I linked above, I'm simply going to make up a few reasonable sounding answers below. Reasons cited for changing religion Convenience, e.g. nearer place of worship, better parking, etc More fashionable clothes/accessories, e.g. red string bracelets, ceremonial daggers, enormous hats Prior to a marriage, e.g. prospective Father in Law insisted upon it. After a divorce, e.g. ex-Father in Law insisted upon it. After a divine message appeared in my Alphagetti. Just a super-big Cat Stevens fan, and this was the only way to get on his mailing list. New Pope has shifty eyes. (ex-Catholics only) Old religion considered many things I do a sin; changing religions easier than giving those up. Following conversation with Burning Bush. Following conversation with Tom Cruise. ___ Chris Bucholz is a writer and a robot. His personal blog, robotmantheblog.com contains a great deal of other humor articles, all of dubious quality and taste.
@Cracked Member, STOP SPAMMING THE COMMENT SECTION, NO-ONE GIVES A SHIT
ReplyYou cant spell Religion without "g".
ReplyKnow what else you cant spell without "g"?
Darkmage. Ergo, Darkmage is religious.
I rest my case.
Or, if that's too much of a reach for you...
You can't spell Atheism without "theism".
Know what else you can't spell without "theism"?
Theism. Ergo, Atheism is Theism.
I rest my case.
What I don't even
Kinda like you can't spell "therapist" without "rapist." Ergo....
Darkmage is a rere. That's almost as good as a permanoob.
ReplyYou cant spell Religion without "re".
ReplyKnow what else you cant spell without "re"?
Retarded. Ergo, religion is retarded.
I rest my case.
That Norse religion is called Ásatrú in the States and a couple different things in Scandinavia/Northern Europe. It is indeed a very cool religion because it's a nice blend of structure (the Eddas, sagas, etc. provide lots of information on religious practices though none of it is dogma or literal) and personal gnosis, 'filling in the gaps' by personal belief borne of experience/faith. Plus, it's got a world-serpent! And an eight-legged horse! And a ship that folds up in itself! And the ritual drinking of mead (fermented honey drink) in a cow's horn is a big part of the religion (though you don't *have* to drink alcohol if you don't want to/can't). Mead! In a Horn!
ReplyFor those looking for a religion concerning ritual wanking...try Chaos magick!
[...] Americans change religions approximately as often as they change long distance plans [...]
Reply@meh: I'm not claiming any kind of superiority as an atheiest, but how can you honestly say "ethics of science are not nearly as strong as religious morality" considering the priests molesting little boys and... I dunno... 9/11 seems to come to mind fairly quickly.
ReplyI was once a Southern Baptist, until I saw the fnords.
ReplyHail Eris. All Hail Discordia.
Religon is a natural part of evolution. It is being replaced by science. I find this unfortunate though because the ethics of science are not nearly as strong as religious morality. I think all religions should be judged by the followers not by the crazy ass beliefs they adhere to. (dont act like there are any religions that dont have crazy ass beliefs)
ReplyWe've gone to the moon. That's crazy too.
Arrr, Mateys. Ye must be turning to the true religion, Pastafarianism, and worship ye the Great Spaghetti Monster, what has bigger balls than other gods. His blessings be upon ye. Ramen.
ReplyThe convenience aspect kills me. I mean, if you're going to adhere to a religion (something that you are not forced to do) believe in it for reasons other than how close its main place of worship is in relation to your house.
ReplyThanks for the insight, Marisa, except that I thought that the religion is actually called "Judaism", and that a follower is "Jewish", much like even though my religion is "Islam", I am a "Muslim"
ReplyBy the way, everyone, its high time we recognized the Rastafari movement as a legitimate religion (get it? "high" time). Just like they say, to smoke the herb is "spiritual", and that's as good a reason as any to light up the ganja...
Hail Emperor Haile Selassie!!!
fyreous: jewish can refer to the ethnicity itself, not just the religion.
ReplyGotta give a shout out to Sikhs here. (I'm Buddhist, personally.) Sikhs as a religion have to wear a ceremonial dagger. That, my friends, is a fancy hat. Aside from being often a warrior religion, the history of Sikhism has included irreverance and incredibly noble acts of sacrifice. The founder and his bandmate friend talked about Hinduism and Islam and came up with an alternative to both. For Sikhs, God is... one. That's it. He's everything. That tree? God. That bush? God. Guess what you do to worship God? Be a generally chill dude.
ReplyOnce, Guru Nanak (the founder dude) was asked to turn away from the local shrine and thus avoid defiling it with his obviously manly foot sweat. Nanak's response? "Turn me some direction where God is not."
Another time, Nanak saw a number of farmers throwing water over their shoulder. Asking why they did that, the farmers claimed to be nourishing the heavens and the spirits. Nanak then began tossing water a seemingly random direction. "What are you doing?", the farmers asked. "I am watering my fields?" When the farmers became confused, “Why,” said the Guru, “if your oblations can reach the other world, cannot these drops of water reach my land in Punjab, which is much closer?” I feel qualified to surmise that the farmers in question had a growing sense of being WTFPWNED.
More importantly, the 9th Guru of the Sikhs, Teg Bahadur, was once asked by Hindus for assistance against the Muslim lord at the time. Teg's solution was to go with a small cadre of his followers and offer themselves up. Now, martyrdom is frequent in a religion, and even peaceful and noble acts of sacrifice are common. What ISN'T common is when that martyrdom occurs to protect another religion and their adherents.
Way cool.
anybody that would change there religion on a whim like that are simply never had faith to begin with. its like the first guy to defect in an army. he truly trusted it he was in it cause it seemed like a good idea now he's ready to switch with whats popular like slime he is.
ReplyDon’t believe one optimistic word from any public figure about the economy or humanity in general. They are all part of the problem. Its like a game of Monopoly. In America, the richest 1% now hold 1/2 OF ALL UNITED STATES WEALTH. Unlike ‘lesser’ estimates, this includes all stocks, bonds, cash, and material assets held by America’s richest 1%. Even that filthy pig Oprah acknowledged that it was at about 50% in 2006. Naturally, she put her own ‘humanitarian’ spin on it. Calling attention to her own ‘good will’. WHAT A DISGUSTING HYPOCRITE SLOB. THE RICHEST 1% HAVE LITERALLY MADE WORLD PROSPERITY ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE. Don’t fall for all of their ‘humanitarian’ CRAP. ITS A SHAM. THESE PEOPLE ARE CAUSING THE SAME PROBLEMS THEY PRETEND TO CARE ABOUT. Ask any professor of economics. Money does not grow on trees. The government can’t just print up more on a whim. At any given time, there is a relative limit to the wealth within ANY economy of ANY size. So when too much wealth accumulates at the top, the middle class slip further into debt and the lower class further into poverty. A similar rule applies worldwide. The world’s richest 1% now own over 40% of ALL WORLD WEALTH. This is EVEN AFTER you account for all of this ‘good will’ ‘humanitarian’ BS from celebrities and executives. ITS A SHAM. As they get richer and richer, less wealth is left circulating beneath them. This is the single greatest underlying cause for the current US recession. The middle class can no longer afford to sustain their share of the economy. Their wealth has been gradually transfered to the richest 1%. One way or another, we suffer because of their incredible greed. We are talking about TRILLIONS of dollars. Transfered FROM US TO THEM. Over a period of about 27 years. Thats Reaganomics for you. The wealth does not ‘trickle down’ as we were told it would. It just accumulates at the top. Shrinking the middle class and expanding the lower class. Causing a domino effect of socio-economic problems. But the rich will never stop. They will never settle for a reasonable share of ANYTHING. They will do whatever it takes to get even richer. Leaving even less of the pie for the other 99% of us to share. At the same time, they throw back a few tax deductable crumbs and call themselves ‘humanitarians’. IT CAN’T WORK THIS WAY. This is going to end just like a game of Monopoly. The current US recession will drag on for years and lead into the worst US depression of all time. The richest 1% will live like royalty while the rest of us fight over jobs, food, and gasoline. Crime, poverty, and suicide will skyrocket. So don’t fall for all of this PR CRAP from Hollywood, Pro Sports, and Wall Street PIGS. ITS A SHAM. Remember: They are filthy rich EVEN AFTER their tax deductable contributions. Greedy pigs. Now, we are headed for the worst economic and cultural crisis of all time. SEND A “THANK YOU” NOTE TO YOUR FAVORITE MILLIONAIRE. ITS THEIR FAULT. I’m not discounting other factors like China, sub-prime, or gas prices. But all of those factors combined still pale in comparison to that HUGE transfer of wealth to the rich. Anyway, those other factors are all related and further aggrivated because of GREED. If it weren’t for the OBSCENE distribution of wealth within our country, there never would have been such a market for sub-prime to begin with. Which by the way, was another trick whipped up by greedy bankers and executives. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. The credit industry has been ENDORSED by people like Oprah, Ellen, Dr Phil, and many other celebrities. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. So don’t fall for their ‘humanitarian’ BS. ITS A SHAM. NOTHING BUT TAX DEDUCTABLE PR CRAP. Bottom line: The richest 1% will soon tank the largest economy in the world. It will be like nothing we’ve ever seen before. and thats just the beginning. Greed will eventually tank every major economy in the world. Causing millions to suffer and die. Oprah, Angelina, Brad, Bono, and Bill are not part of the solution. They are part of the problem. EXTREME WEALTH HAS MADE WORLD PROSPERITY ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE. WITHOUT WORLD PROSPERITY, THERE WILL NEVER BE WORLD PEACE OR ANYTHING EVEN CLOSE. GREED KILLS. IT WILL BE OUR DOWNFALL. Of course, the rich will throw a fit and call me a madman. Of course, their ignorant fans will do the same. You have to expect that. But I speak the truth. If you don’t believe me, then copy this entry and run it by any professor of economics or socio-economics. Then tell a friend. Call the local radio station. Re-post this entry or put it in your own words. Be one of the first to predict the worst economic and cultural crisis of all time and explain its cause. WE ARE IN BIG TROUBLE.
ReplyThat was hilarious, but i am offended by it. First I'm offended as a loyal fan by the fact that you reposted a retarded rant on cracked, and this is only made worse by the fact you did it on a bucholz article, I mean for f**ks sake the article was about religion, your rant had literally nothing to do with the article. Second your logic in your comment is inherently flawed. One of your first contentions states that the continual acc*mulation of wealth by the upperclass will bankrupt the middle and lower class. How f**kin long do you think the economy has existed, the country's wealth isn't all going to some scrooge mcduck caricature who hide and never spends his money. People acc*mmulate money over time and spend said money over time, everyone does it that's how the economy works, the rich just do it in larger quantities. The 1% of wealthy people are not parasites sucking on the tit of the economy as you imply, but rather they are the producers and leaders of our society, these people own and run the companies that allow you to enjoy a consumer culture, they are the people like Steve jobs and bill gates who invent things to improve our lives and further human kind, these people are not rich by luck or ruthlessness, or at least not solely by luck or ruthlessness, they are rich because they have value to society, their value, wether it be mentally, physically, or some type of personality trait, allows them to make the money that people with less skills and ability do not get. I also find your rants at celebrities doing charity as some type of amens for their wealth as absurd. Where do you get off insulting people who donotate millions to helping starving children in third world countries, it doesn't matter how rich they are, the fact that they CHOOSE to help the poor should be admired not condemed. I've written this response cause your claims were out of line, you claimed the American dream was dead because those who create jobs and make buissnesses and pay more than half the countries taxes. That a lie, you class warfare promoting douche.
Maybe he is me, in another place, in another time, whooo and all that.
ReplyAnd this morning I feel in more of a Cult of Cthulu mood.
All hail Cthulu! He will arise from his watery grave and enslave all sons of Adam!
Tomorrow I'll be Rastafarian, then at the weekend i'll probably be an Ancient Greek as soon as I get my toga back from the drycleaners.
:)
Ceremonial wankage as part of this sikhism you speak of just screams bad choice.
Replyjust a note, Sikhism (the ceremonial dagger one) says that if you draw your blade, you must draw blood with it. Apparently if you pester a Sikh enough, and they show you the kirpan, they'll then cut themselves a bit, like on the hand or something, to get some blood on the dagger, before putting it back. Now *that's* a religion!
ReplyWhat about ceremonial wanking?
Replyis that part of a religion yet?