A recent article in the New York Times highlighted a study that finds more than a quarter of Americans have left their faiths in order to join a new religion at some point in their life — a number that jumps to over 40% if we count all those wishy-washy Protestant faiths. In terms of levels of commitment, this puts religion at roughly the same level as claiming that your favorite ice cream is chocolate, or that “you’ll only drive a Ford.”
The report goes on to outline how this trend has been growing in the past few decades, with all religions gaining and losing adherents at roughly equal rates, with the notable exception of those who claim no affiliated religion, a group that has been steadily growing in numbers since the early 1990’s. As a side note, can it be a coincidence that this rise in faithlessness began at almost the same time television’s Murphy Brown bore a child out of wedlock? The answer: yes, probably.
So what is the reason for this growing trend towards people changing faiths? Rather than talking to a bunch of people who have changed religions, or even reading the rest of the article I linked above, I’m simply going to make up a few reasonable sounding answers below.
Reasons cited for changing religion
Convenience, e.g. nearer place of worship, better parking, etc…
More fashionable clothes/accessories, e.g. red string bracelets, ceremonial daggers, enormous hats
Prior to a marriage, e.g. prospective Father in Law insisted upon it.
After a divorce, e.g. ex-Father in Law insisted upon it.
After a divine message appeared in my Alphagetti.
Just a super-big Cat Stevens fan, and this was the only way to get on his mailing list.
New Pope has shifty eyes. (ex-Catholics only)
Old religion considered many things I do a sin; changing religions easier than giving those up.
Following conversation with Burning Bush.
Following conversation with Tom Cruise.
___
Chris Bucholz is a writer and a robot. His personal blog, robotmantheblog.com contains a great deal of other humor articles, all of dubious quality and taste.
This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 26th, 2008 at 8:00 am and is filed under Religion. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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December 17th, 2008 at 6:48 am
You cant spell Religion without “re”.
Know what else you cant spell without “re”?
Retarded. Ergo, religion is retarded.
I rest my case.
May 20th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
That Norse religion is called Ásatrú in the States and a couple different things in Scandinavia/Northern Europe. It is indeed a very cool religion because it’s a nice blend of structure (the Eddas, sagas, etc. provide lots of information on religious practices though none of it is dogma or literal) and personal gnosis, ‘filling in the gaps’ by personal belief borne of experience/faith. Plus, it’s got a world-serpent! And an eight-legged horse! And a ship that folds up in itself! And the ritual drinking of mead (fermented honey drink) in a cow’s horn is a big part of the religion (though you don’t *have* to drink alcohol if you don’t want to/can’t). Mead! In a Horn!
For those looking for a religion concerning ritual wanking…try Chaos magick!
March 27th, 2008 at 10:21 pm
[...] Americans change religions approximately as often as they change long distance plans [...]
March 3rd, 2008 at 9:32 am
@meh: I’m not claiming any kind of superiority as an atheiest, but how can you honestly say “ethics of science are not nearly as strong as religious morality” considering the priests molesting little boys and… I dunno… 9/11 seems to come to mind fairly quickly.
March 1st, 2008 at 10:30 pm
I was once a Southern Baptist, until I saw the fnords.
Hail Eris. All Hail Discordia.
February 29th, 2008 at 6:43 pm
Religon is a natural part of evolution. It is being replaced by science. I find this unfortunate though because the ethics of science are not nearly as strong as religious morality. I think all religions should be judged by the followers not by the crazy ass beliefs they adhere to. (dont act like there are any religions that dont have crazy ass beliefs)
February 28th, 2008 at 10:57 pm
Arrr, Mateys. Ye must be turning to the true religion, Pastafarianism, and worship ye the Great Spaghetti Monster, what has bigger balls than other gods. His blessings be upon ye. Ramen.
February 28th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
The convenience aspect kills me. I mean, if you’re going to adhere to a religion (something that you are not forced to do) believe in it for reasons other than how close its main place of worship is in relation to your house.
February 28th, 2008 at 8:52 am
For all you Zen freaks: http://thispageisbuddha.googlepages.com/
February 27th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
Thanks for the insight, Marisa, except that I thought that the religion is actually called “Judaism”, and that a follower is “Jewish”, much like even though my religion is “Islam”, I am a “Muslim”
By the way, everyone, its high time we recognized the Rastafari movement as a legitimate religion (get it? “high” time). Just like they say, to smoke the herb is “spiritual”, and that’s as good a reason as any to light up the ganja…
Hail Emperor Haile Selassie!!!
February 27th, 2008 at 7:31 pm
fyreous: jewish can refer to the ethnicity itself, not just the religion.
February 27th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
Gotta give a shout out to Sikhs here. (I’m Buddhist, personally.) Sikhs as a religion have to wear a ceremonial dagger. That, my friends, is a fancy hat. Aside from being often a warrior religion, the history of Sikhism has included irreverance and incredibly noble acts of sacrifice. The founder and his bandmate friend talked about Hinduism and Islam and came up with an alternative to both. For Sikhs, God is… one. That’s it. He’s everything. That tree? God. That bush? God. Guess what you do to worship God? Be a generally chill dude.
Once, Guru Nanak (the founder dude) was asked to turn away from the local shrine and thus avoid defiling it with his obviously manly foot sweat. Nanak’s response? “Turn me some direction where God is not.”
Another time, Nanak saw a number of farmers throwing water over their shoulder. Asking why they did that, the farmers claimed to be nourishing the heavens and the spirits. Nanak then began tossing water a seemingly random direction. “What are you doing?”, the farmers asked. “I am watering my fields?” When the farmers became confused, “Why,” said the Guru, “if your oblations can reach the other world, cannot these drops of water reach my land in Punjab, which is much closer?” I feel qualified to surmise that the farmers in question had a growing sense of being WTFPWNED.
More importantly, the 9th Guru of the Sikhs, Teg Bahadur, was once asked by Hindus for assistance against the Muslim lord at the time. Teg’s solution was to go with a small cadre of his followers and offer themselves up. Now, martyrdom is frequent in a religion, and even peaceful and noble acts of sacrifice are common. What ISN’T common is when that martyrdom occurs to protect another religion and their adherents.
Way cool.
February 27th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
anybody that would change there religion on a whim like that are simply never had faith to begin with. its like the first guy to defect in an army. he truly trusted it he was in it cause it seemed like a good idea now he’s ready to switch with whats popular like slime he is.
February 27th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
Don’t believe one optimistic word from any public figure about the economy or humanity in general. They are all part of the problem. Its like a game of Monopoly. In America, the richest 1% now hold 1/2 OF ALL UNITED STATES WEALTH. Unlike ‘lesser’ estimates, this includes all stocks, bonds, cash, and material assets held by America’s richest 1%. Even that filthy pig Oprah acknowledged that it was at about 50% in 2006. Naturally, she put her own ‘humanitarian’ spin on it. Calling attention to her own ‘good will’. WHAT A DISGUSTING HYPOCRITE SLOB. THE RICHEST 1% HAVE LITERALLY MADE WORLD PROSPERITY ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE. Don’t fall for all of their ‘humanitarian’ CRAP. ITS A SHAM. THESE PEOPLE ARE CAUSING THE SAME PROBLEMS THEY PRETEND TO CARE ABOUT. Ask any professor of economics. Money does not grow on trees. The government can’t just print up more on a whim. At any given time, there is a relative limit to the wealth within ANY economy of ANY size. So when too much wealth accumulates at the top, the middle class slip further into debt and the lower class further into poverty. A similar rule applies worldwide. The world’s richest 1% now own over 40% of ALL WORLD WEALTH. This is EVEN AFTER you account for all of this ‘good will’ ‘humanitarian’ BS from celebrities and executives. ITS A SHAM. As they get richer and richer, less wealth is left circulating beneath them. This is the single greatest underlying cause for the current US recession. The middle class can no longer afford to sustain their share of the economy. Their wealth has been gradually transfered to the richest 1%. One way or another, we suffer because of their incredible greed. We are talking about TRILLIONS of dollars. Transfered FROM US TO THEM. Over a period of about 27 years. Thats Reaganomics for you. The wealth does not ‘trickle down’ as we were told it would. It just accumulates at the top. Shrinking the middle class and expanding the lower class. Causing a domino effect of socio-economic problems. But the rich will never stop. They will never settle for a reasonable share of ANYTHING. They will do whatever it takes to get even richer. Leaving even less of the pie for the other 99% of us to share. At the same time, they throw back a few tax deductable crumbs and call themselves ‘humanitarians’. IT CAN’T WORK THIS WAY. This is going to end just like a game of Monopoly. The current US recession will drag on for years and lead into the worst US depression of all time. The richest 1% will live like royalty while the rest of us fight over jobs, food, and gasoline. Crime, poverty, and suicide will skyrocket. So don’t fall for all of this PR CRAP from Hollywood, Pro Sports, and Wall Street PIGS. ITS A SHAM. Remember: They are filthy rich EVEN AFTER their tax deductable contributions. Greedy pigs. Now, we are headed for the worst economic and cultural crisis of all time. SEND A “THANK YOU” NOTE TO YOUR FAVORITE MILLIONAIRE. ITS THEIR FAULT. I’m not discounting other factors like China, sub-prime, or gas prices. But all of those factors combined still pale in comparison to that HUGE transfer of wealth to the rich. Anyway, those other factors are all related and further aggrivated because of GREED. If it weren’t for the OBSCENE distribution of wealth within our country, there never would have been such a market for sub-prime to begin with. Which by the way, was another trick whipped up by greedy bankers and executives. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. The credit industry has been ENDORSED by people like Oprah, Ellen, Dr Phil, and many other celebrities. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. So don’t fall for their ‘humanitarian’ BS. ITS A SHAM. NOTHING BUT TAX DEDUCTABLE PR CRAP. Bottom line: The richest 1% will soon tank the largest economy in the world. It will be like nothing we’ve ever seen before. and thats just the beginning. Greed will eventually tank every major economy in the world. Causing millions to suffer and die. Oprah, Angelina, Brad, Bono, and Bill are not part of the solution. They are part of the problem. EXTREME WEALTH HAS MADE WORLD PROSPERITY ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE. WITHOUT WORLD PROSPERITY, THERE WILL NEVER BE WORLD PEACE OR ANYTHING EVEN CLOSE. GREED KILLS. IT WILL BE OUR DOWNFALL. Of course, the rich will throw a fit and call me a madman. Of course, their ignorant fans will do the same. You have to expect that. But I speak the truth. If you don’t believe me, then copy this entry and run it by any professor of economics or socio-economics. Then tell a friend. Call the local radio station. Re-post this entry or put it in your own words. Be one of the first to predict the worst economic and cultural crisis of all time and explain its cause. WE ARE IN BIG TROUBLE.
February 27th, 2008 at 6:04 am
Maybe he is me, in another place, in another time, whooo and all that.
And this morning I feel in more of a Cult of Cthulu mood.
All hail Cthulu! He will arise from his watery grave and enslave all sons of Adam!
Tomorrow I’ll be Rastafarian, then at the weekend i’ll probably be an Ancient Greek as soon as I get my toga back from the drycleaners.
February 27th, 2008 at 5:45 am
Ceremonial wankage as part of this sikhism you speak of just screams bad choice.
February 27th, 2008 at 5:24 am
just a note, Sikhism (the ceremonial dagger one) says that if you draw your blade, you must draw blood with it. Apparently if you pester a Sikh enough, and they show you the kirpan, they’ll then cut themselves a bit, like on the hand or something, to get some blood on the dagger, before putting it back. Now *that’s* a religion!
February 27th, 2008 at 4:56 am
What about ceremonial wanking?
is that part of a religion yet?
February 27th, 2008 at 2:34 am
Are you trying to imply something about Captain Ross? Is he not who he claims to be? Does talking to Tom Cruise make you an atheist? As it proves beyond any doubt that there is no God? Why am I asking so many questions?
February 27th, 2008 at 2:02 am
I think the greater part of America has taken religion on as more of a social identity than an actual personal belief or faith. I could tell you 5 emo kids I know who claim to practice Wicca but really have no clue what it is; or 10 people at work who claim to be Christian but don’t know what that is either when asked. I even have a friend who is Jewish by heritage (i.e., he is not practicing) but still identifies himself as a member of the Jewish religion just because of the social realm it puts him in.
Like “Captain Ross” said - it just depends how one feels in the morning. Hehe…
February 26th, 2008 at 9:53 pm
I’m a spambot now guys. I’ve been assimilated.
February 26th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
Well, glendoor doesn’t have a ceremonial dagger, but he does have a motherfucking lightsaber…
February 26th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
i will not chang my habit. that is to see the site ***interracialmatch.com*** wowo~~~
February 26th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
I have no idea what true is talking about but I now have a very strong desire to visit sugarmommymeet.com…
February 26th, 2008 at 7:34 pm
They just wouldn’t know what to put on your tombstone, glendoor.
February 26th, 2008 at 6:13 pm
Boobies……… Oh and I follow the Jedi faith. I even got in to an agrument with the Army because they would not put it on my dogtags.
February 26th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
Sean, being Swedish I can tell you that you’re correct about the Norse religion. There’s also a pig that grows back the part you cut off (never ending bacon!) and I’m pretty sure that Loki’s either the father or mother of Odins 8-legged horse and Fenrisulven, the wolf that will eventually eat the earth. So yeah, it’s a cool religion.
February 26th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
leave it to Hollywood to make even religion an accessory. God would strike thee down, evil Madonna, but he can’t get a clear fucking shot for all the flashing cameras around you…
February 26th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Sikh and ye shall find!
February 26th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
I guess if the ceremony involved killing, Lindsay… then we could talk.
February 26th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
Sikhs carry ceremonial daggers called kirpans which are intended to be practical for self-defence should the need arise. There is even, apparently, a Sikh martial art geared around the use of the kirpan. So Wikipedia tells me, at least.
February 26th, 2008 at 10:35 am
My first thought was on the ceremonial daggers too. What religion is that!? And where can I sign up?
Also, if they’re ceremonial, can they still kill if necessary? If so, I have a very cliched movie plot to go create.
February 26th, 2008 at 10:30 am
I think I’ll convert to the norse religion.
From my understanding, it consists entirely of big swords, bigger hammers, jacked shirtless dudes, loin-cloths, eternal battles, and a prankster god named Loki whose only job is to fuck things up.
That, and Thor’s hammer is named Mjolnir. HE NAMED HIS FUCKING HAMMER. Pretty badass.
P.S. My entire understanding of Norse mythology is based on Marvel’s Thor, so it’s entirely possible that I’m incorrect about everything I just said.
February 26th, 2008 at 10:27 am
I like the idea of religion being personal, therefore my religion is either Catholic, Taoist/Confucionist or Baptist Snake Handler.
Depending on how I feel in the morning
February 26th, 2008 at 9:32 am
I’ve recently converted to Onanism. Sex is against my religion. Hail Onan!
February 26th, 2008 at 9:06 am
Goblinism is more an excuse to party than a religion I think.
February 26th, 2008 at 9:00 am
I’m going to stick with my universal rule: Thou Shalt Keep Thy Religion To Thyself. Do that and a lot of fighting and wars and stuff would all go away.
February 26th, 2008 at 8:37 am
I wish I had a ceremonial dagger.
Is Goblinism a religion?