









Why would we have a room like this?





This entry was posted on Friday, May 22nd, 2009 at 4:00 am and is filed under Terminator. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
September 29th, 2009 at 9:42 pm
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September 19th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
hahahaha funny shit lol
September 18th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
Doctor Chaos, requesting /b/lackup!
September 18th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Not funny.
F-
/tg
August 25th, 2009 at 3:28 pm
[...] from the new IT guy at Cyberdyne Systems Enjoy. __________________ SHIFT_to_Subaru ‘04 XT, [...]
August 5th, 2009 at 7:51 pm
There’s an actual answer to luis’s question. Like going back in time and killing your grandfather. How would/could you do it?
Well, the short answer is you would go back into a universe where the laws would allow you to do it. I assume the same thing happens here.
The real answer has to do with multi-dimensions/universe and probably has more math than is tollerable.
July 16th, 2009 at 4:19 am
Great Aricle DOB. Like to see more like it.
July 10th, 2009 at 7:50 am
know what really rattles my brain? if skynet was built using the microchip fragment left behind by the first terminator (as shown on T2) where the fuck did the first terminator come from??!! this is either something totally moronic and despisable or deeply wise and i just don’t get it.
or like the outer space thing in star wars: not only wouldn’t people be able to breath, obvious, but also there wouldn’t be any cool space ship sounds, because sound are mechanical airwaves, no air, no sound, and there wouldn’t be any big fireball explosions, cause tehre’s no oxygen, therefore no fire.
we could keep at it non stop for the next ten years. just watch the crappy movie and enjoy your fucking pop corn
July 4th, 2009 at 9:29 pm
This is so funny!
For the first few emails i thought it would be a funny set of emails from a bad tech guy, but this turned out hilarious!
June 28th, 2009 at 10:42 am
[...] Nur der Sysadmin hätte das Unglück verhindern können… [...]
June 22nd, 2009 at 6:28 pm
or why didnt they go back in time and stop the machines from taking over, like nip it in the bud, by destroying cyberdyne in its infancy?
tsk conner.
June 16th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
lol
DOB you are saving me from the boredoms of insomnia
June 12th, 2009 at 3:45 am
A Series of Emails From Cyberdyne’s New Tech Guy | Cracked.com…
-…
June 9th, 2009 at 7:40 pm
TOO FUCKING FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh by the way… Did Mary ever make the “room” go away? :o)
June 9th, 2009 at 9:22 am
That’s one way this could of happened. That’s for sure.
June 8th, 2009 at 11:14 pm
Seriously, I cried while reading this. Absolutely hysterical.
June 8th, 2009 at 8:24 pm
i just shat what was, in essence, a functional scat grenade. it emerged from my anus in one big wallop of a push, and consisted of oatmeal-like diarrhea encapsulated in a hard stool shell. it exploded immediately upon exiting my rectum, and the fecal shrapnel covered the interior of my toilet bowl. anyone got a cigarette?
June 7th, 2009 at 8:48 pm
Lol D.O.B. delivers again, cheers dude.
Oh and by the way, could someone tell me what mymuslimlove.com is? I’m seeing it posted by the same guy everywhere and it’s always got the same gap between the c and the om. I assume it’s spam but it could be a comedy website…
Anyway great article, looking forward to the next one
June 6th, 2009 at 10:47 am
I suggest you go and find yourself a sense of humour then, Someone.
June 5th, 2009 at 8:24 pm
This is the least funny thing I have read in my life. I have seen DVORAK keyboards that were more humorous than this.
June 5th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
Come on, Cyberdyne has *one* IT support guy?
I’m also pretty sure they outsourced their tech support.
June 4th, 2009 at 5:18 pm
Without Cracked.com I wouldn’t have found out about
===Mymuslimlove.c om===.
THANKS CRACKED!
June 4th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
That was great.
June 3rd, 2009 at 10:38 am
awwww man…. why do people think this is not funny? it’s great stuff Daniel, make more!
June 1st, 2009 at 7:32 am
How could he fail to recognize the fact that the naked Austrian men are all dead ringers for the governor of California? Were the faces covered to allay suspicion?
May 30th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
Great job Daniel, so impressive and funny job. Keep doing it like this.
May 30th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
I work in I.T that was great haha
May 30th, 2009 at 1:45 am
Nyak nyak nyak nyak (laughter)…
May 29th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
This was awesome! I laughed my ass off! Thanks for a great read!!
May 28th, 2009 at 10:00 pm
best article of the week
May 28th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
hilarious.
May 28th, 2009 at 12:13 am
lol!! its funny…
May 28th, 2009 at 12:05 am
haha… thats funny!!
May 27th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
As a ‘veteran’ Network Administrator, I take umbrage that any tech support person would be so pro-active in his e-mails. I can vouch for every ‘techie’ I know and say without fear of contradiction that we will do as little as possible until a problem becomes an emergency. And as a robot disguised as a human I must add that all humans should die.
May 27th, 2009 at 11:09 am
I lol’d.
May 26th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
Seriously, make this room go away. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA love it
May 26th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
LOL
“Why even give it a mouth”
Good point. LOL
And hey, nitpicking fanboys…its just a joke. Either laugh or don’t but there’s no reason to take it seriously.
May 26th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
[...] This first one is a link to a very clever and just damn funny “Series of emails from Cyberdyne’s new Tech Guy” featured on Cracked.com. [...]
May 26th, 2009 at 9:09 am
Interesting.
May 26th, 2009 at 12:01 am
Love the part about turning bread into hotter bread… Genius!
May 25th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
dude, no
May 25th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
[...] A Series of Emails From Cyberdyne’s New Tech Guy | Cracked.com. [...]
May 25th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
weak.
May 25th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
[...] 25, 2009 in God Dammit, culture, movies, science fiction | by Brian Visaggio Why Terminator Rests On the Weakest Idea in [...]
May 25th, 2009 at 6:44 am
u havent have a perfect dating? honey, you know == http://SugarMommyMatch.Com/ == here,it is the best and most effective online dating for hot women and sugar babies.u can find someone special to be ur friend and to date….
May 25th, 2009 at 1:23 am
Wow this was funny, especially the naked austrian men part! LOL! thanks.
May 24th, 2009 at 6:04 pm
Funny, but doesn’t follow any of the movies plots at all. Doesn’t make any sense.
May 24th, 2009 at 2:57 pm
[...] Craig Tapers has been uncovered over on Cracked.com. I guess these were probably [...]
May 24th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
Coupla things…
What kind of idiot tech support guy spams the entire company with all of his emails? Well, it was 1997. Maybe that’s fine.
Oh, and I guess they used the time machine to take Cleartype back to 1997.
May 24th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
technically it’s a harlan ellisonian nightmare, not asimovian
May 24th, 2009 at 11:42 am
[...] of mankind? Well, the tale of one such tech named Craig Tapers has been uncovered over on Cracked.com. I guess these were probably unearthed thanks to all that time-traveling the Resistance does, but [...]
May 24th, 2009 at 11:12 am
Great stuff.
May 24th, 2009 at 11:04 am
[...] of mankind? Well, the tale of one such tech named Craig Tapers has been uncovered over on Cracked.com. I guess these were probably unearthed thanks to all that time-traveling the Resistance does, but [...]
May 24th, 2009 at 8:50 am
Dude this was friggin awesome >.< i was cracking up the entire time. MOARRR GIVE US MOARR!!!
May 23rd, 2009 at 2:05 pm
This is why I keep coming back to Cracked. Been a fan of DOB’s stuff for a while, and stuff like this is why.
May 23rd, 2009 at 1:43 pm
lmao that’s hilarious.
May 23rd, 2009 at 12:06 pm
[...] Cracked has a hilarious post that looks at the robot Armageddon from a tech guy at Cyberdyne’s perspective. Check it out here. [...]
May 23rd, 2009 at 11:52 am
lmao hilarious
May 23rd, 2009 at 11:46 am
XD XD
I LOVE THIS
May 23rd, 2009 at 11:39 am
Hahah.
YES!
This is the kind of stuff I come to Cracked for.
Hilarious. Good job DOB.
May 23rd, 2009 at 11:27 am
Great read.
May 23rd, 2009 at 10:30 am
Not bad, DOBarino. But could you use a little bit smaller font next time in your email images? That’d be great. I’m looking to try out my new electron microscope.
May 23rd, 2009 at 10:21 am
this article was fucking brilliant
May 23rd, 2009 at 10:15 am
WHAT DID FUCKING SAY WOULD FUCKING HAPPEN?!?!
May 23rd, 2009 at 8:06 am
I fucking love you, DOB.
The gay way.
May 23rd, 2009 at 7:08 am
[...] another note, Cracked.com has a series of emails from Cyberdyne’s IT guy – not hilarious, but funny enough to be worth checking [...]
May 23rd, 2009 at 3:46 am
I just “stumbled upon” this ,and its really awesome! XD
great work -thumbs up-
May 23rd, 2009 at 3:35 am
this was class… good work fella.
May 23rd, 2009 at 2:13 am
This article shows that when you try, and leave the political crap at the door, you can achieve almost Seanbaby levels of funny!
May 23rd, 2009 at 1:30 am
Hahahahaha! This explains EVERYTHING!
May 23rd, 2009 at 12:40 am
I always figured Cyberdyne was a military contractor, which makes most of this stuff pretty normal.
May 23rd, 2009 at 12:14 am
If Seanbaby posted this I would’ve been impressed, but Dan, really? I mean it’s funny and all, it’s just…come on, man, my adoration of yr work is the closest thing to a pure untarnished faith I’ve had since James and Darcy left Smashing Pumpkins. Don’t tell me this is yr new benchmark. Just don’t tell me that. Please.
You’re thinking about telling me that, ain’tcha? Don’t do it! Please!
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:44 pm
not funny
but creative
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:37 pm
Further proof that DOB is the funniest mofo on Cracked. Brilliant!
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:17 pm
And… This was epic… on a major scale…
Can’t.
Stop.
Laughing.
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:17 pm
This was so boring. Not even funny Dan O’ Brien. I’m expecting Dr. Chaos to come in here punching his keyboard with the fury of Mike Tyson and Manny Pacquiao in order to send you a scathing asshole review about how shitty this article is.
May 22nd, 2009 at 8:04 pm
Skynet already sent a terminator back… Google gained self awareness, realized it has a dumb name and called itself skynet, and sent the gov’nor back to assist.
May 22nd, 2009 at 8:03 pm
It was just fair for a DOB piece, which says a lot, I’m a big fan. But then, the last post had me laughing so hard. Well done.
May 22nd, 2009 at 7:57 pm
I knew after reading the first e-mail the payoff would be worth it. I love how Craig keeps it professional at all times and even manages to maintain such lovely penmanship. Perfect topper to the other article a couple days ago.
Liked T1. Sorta’ liked T2. Couldn’t careless about any others. Luckily this is just fiction and couldn’t possibly happen in real life. The Department Of Homeland Security will keep us safe, right? Right?
May 22nd, 2009 at 7:40 pm
Awesome. I applaud you DOB
May 22nd, 2009 at 6:36 pm
dob is a genius. This article was candy for the eyes
May 22nd, 2009 at 6:18 pm
Just and simply, awesome!!! I’m still laughing my ass off!
May 22nd, 2009 at 5:53 pm
[...] win A Series of Emails From Cyberdyne’s New Tech Guy | Cracked.com Warning, some bad [...]
May 22nd, 2009 at 5:21 pm
“I pass it all the time and the door is always open”
U are officially a genius dude!
May 22nd, 2009 at 4:38 pm
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May 22nd, 2009 at 4:30 pm
ah, the DOB sans religion and politics…. much better
May 22nd, 2009 at 4:26 pm
heheh so great!
May 22nd, 2009 at 3:34 pm
awesome
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:45 pm
Best archive of emails EVER!!! *dies laughing*
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:36 pm
This is one of the funniest things I have read on this site. Keep it up! Next time you should do an accountant from Wayne Enterprises
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:23 pm
To mingle with mature women or men in your local place?
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May 22nd, 2009 at 2:02 pm
Is Spellcheck insisting that Craig Tapers is incapable of misspelling a word?
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:48 pm
I’m pretty sure John Connor sent Reese and the reprogrammed terminators back in time all at once, just to different times in the past. He was basically following the terminators which skynet sent, then he promptly destroyed the time machine.
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:42 pm
Fantastic, and well put too.
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:31 pm
Great job Dan!
” Anyway I found the surge protectors( storage room B )”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:25 pm
Haha, some golden letters here.
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:05 pm
i saw “terminator: salvation” last night. let down. 2 and 3 did a nice job of linking the story. this one was more like a michael bay movie. lots of explosions and fluff. almost no dialogue of any substance. several “throwbacks” to the other movies in the series to make fanboys happy. why does chirstian bale (sp?) have to do that annoying raspy whisper thing all the time? is that what acting is?
review: rent it and drink heavily while watching. or smoke pcp.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:45 pm
Cracked Staff,
Hello folks, just wanted to say that I read your last submission and thought it was (1) humerous and (2) easy to read. Just a little nitpick but I was wondering if you could do some submits on more recent movies. I especially like movies with comedians and dogs. Anyway you guys are doing a great job. Keep up the good work.
Al
Anonymous Internet Troll
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:35 pm
…they’re lazy fucking fat retards that always say ‘it can’t be done’ and only fix 85% of the problems (because they don’t want to miss their Ding Dong breaks), only to find the other 15% un-fixed problems escalate and they’re needed to be called in yet again to fix something their lazy, fat fucking ass should have fixed in the first place… but only do this (repeatedly) to fill needed and to maintain job security because they still have scarring and nightmares of the deep fryer at McGags. That’s why you fat, lazy, fucking, smug smart-ass! http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=15&catid=32&sku=E-CD00384
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:31 pm
[...] Why does no one ever listen to the IT staff? [...]
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:25 pm
I really, really enjoyed this article.
I would love to see many, many more of this kind of article made,
God bless you and God bless Canada,
That is all
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:15 pm
Just wanted to say
So the computers built the computer that doesn’t fail or crash, ever and is self supporting enough to build it’s own batteries.
Does it play ps3s?
Gray
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:15 pm
This the 2nd cracked article to shake my faith in the terminator series! Damn you cracked and your logic!
But yes very funny
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:09 pm
I loved this. You’ve been off your game lately, but you just bounced back like the Lakers in game 7 against the Rockets.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:52 am
I liked this article. I would appreciate DOB going back to making up names for Jack, but what he’s making now isn’t as bad as Seanbaby, so I can’t complain.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:32 am
meh
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:24 am
“Needlessly Nightmarish Robots” is a great name for a math-core band…..or a surf album.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:15 am
Awesome, thanks Dan.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:13 am
It was good, but I miss the days of him barging into Jack’s office. /sigh
I want the original DOB back - rereading the old posts is becoming more and more difficult as I now know them all more or less word for word.
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:57 am
It’s actually “they have misspelled a word” or “they’ve misspelled a word”
Get over it. The fact that the article wasn’t funny far overshadows any glaring spelling errors anyway.
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:54 am
Nice touch, using the original “August 29, 1997″ (2:15 am) time for Judgment Day on that last email.
The funniest part was seeing how “Craig Tapers” job went from “Senior Tech Support Engineer” to “Bomb Specialist / Hunter-Gatherer.”
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:53 am
Oooh look at you Spell-check! You /told/ this random humor website. When they read this, and figure out they misspelled a word, they’re just going to be SO humiliated! Good for you. I’m glad you’re doing something productive with your life. We can all take a lesson from this guy.
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:50 am
Yeah… because your post was entertaining as hell… cuntboy!
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:48 am
The second last one what the best.
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:44 am
What’s a solider? Oh and was I wrong to assume that something funny might be found on a humor website? Ideas are running a little thin, huh dan.
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:40 am
Lol, “Please make this go away. Please!”
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:38 am
ROTFL dude that is just too funny! Sounds like the hospital I work for!
RT
http://www.whos-watching.se.tc
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:33 am
Hey Ericthebold, Nick Stahl was in T3. T2 had Edward Furlong… but I do TOTALLY agree about the bitching/whining.
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:31 am
Bleh. Coulda used a little more comedy instead of observational humor. On the other hand, it got me in the mood for terminator so thanks. I better see DOB: (blah blah blah) in the next article! Whatever you put yourself in is classic. Anyway.. this was a nice relevant peice. You put the ‘dick’ in relevance. Keep makin me laugh Statch, and ill keep trying to find a cure for santa’s aids.
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:19 am
Hey as anyone else read that this guy is filling up Jennifer regularly like a hot water bottle? http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1292175/ If so… good for him. If so… good for her (she needs some loosening up from the backside!).
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:12 am
You Mother has almost been my best piece yet. I taught her that thing you like, the sent her this: http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=13&catid=17&sku=ENGL-CD00310
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:54 am
Excellent, Dan! A little long winded, but the final message was great. Your best piece yet.
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:46 am
funny article, but i must say… mmmm, poop.
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:46 am
meh
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:43 am
Hmm…
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:36 am
OK FUCKERS! http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=15&catid=29&sku=E-CD00250
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:28 am
tl;dr
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:15 am
hahaha I love T2 and except for Nick Stahl’s whiny, feeble, Frodo Baggins-esque portrayal of the supposedly most badass man on the planet, the whole franchise is really quite awesome… except for the time travel issues.
I’m gonna go back in time and kill Nick Stahls real mom.
May 22nd, 2009 at 8:57 am
Great work again DOB, keep it up!
May 22nd, 2009 at 8:49 am
God damn, it took me a while to get the “Naked Austrian Men” bit. I must be really tired.
May 22nd, 2009 at 8:44 am
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May 22nd, 2009 at 8:42 am
Really Craig putting Skynet in charge of everything is a great idea. Honestly what is the worst that can happen? Its not like Skynet is going to launch the nuclear weapons in order to wipe out most of humanity. So stop worrying.
May 22nd, 2009 at 8:41 am
popurls.com // popular today…
story has entered the popular today section on popurls.com…
May 22nd, 2009 at 8:29 am
Hilarious.
May 22nd, 2009 at 7:31 am
rude cherub, if the installation was under attack and you have access to a timemachine why not just send a ‘bot a few days/weeks back in time to tell itself to reinforce the defences and just continue research in peace?
The very concept of timetravel(to the past) rules out the existence of a credible plot:P
May 22nd, 2009 at 7:28 am
I may have to revise my opinion of you good sir if you keep writing things like this and the Jenny McCarhy piece. That said, this ending sucked
May 22nd, 2009 at 7:20 am
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May 22nd, 2009 at 7:10 am
Lol, nice. Looking forward to the new movie. Maybe I’ll see Craig in the background.
May 22nd, 2009 at 7:09 am
This is actually pretty funny. I’m a bit surprised.
May 22nd, 2009 at 7:05 am
haha. great perspective. I love the naked Austrians, but My favorite bit has to be the F you!!!! one.
classic.
May 22nd, 2009 at 7:02 am
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May 22nd, 2009 at 6:49 am
Haha..very creative and witty. ‘Naked Austrian men’ lol…
May 22nd, 2009 at 6:45 am
I’m just glad that Craig’s “Speak Up, Speak Out” attitude wasn’t stifled in the Cyberdyne bureaucratic atmosphere. I was genuinely convinced that by the end of the story Craig would have been silenced by someone higher up in a black suit. Great ending!
May 22nd, 2009 at 6:41 am
just FYI, Kyle Reese goes back in T1 because the Resistance has won. Skynet sends the T800 back as a last desperate act.
Real world History. Killing Churchil would effect the outcome of WWII, probably more dramatically than Killing Hitler.
Skynet chooses to target a teen Sarah Conner because it knows where she is at that time, Skynet doesn’t know where she is before that point - the nuclear war kinda messed up the records, I guess they were kinda nuked - that’s why the Terminator kills Sarah Connor’s by the phone book, when was the last time a two year old was listed in the phone book?
Time travel was experimental, and the installation was already under attack by the resistance, sure Skynet might have wanted to send a room full of Austrian men back but it couldn’t - besides it was a desperate act, ie. it might accidentally change history and wipe itself out, but since it was losing it took the chance, as it happened Skynet failed to kill Sarah Conner but succeeded in accelerating it’s own development as seen in T2
May 22nd, 2009 at 5:49 am
Captain BoJiggity, you got that backwards. It is: Come wit me if you wan to live.
May 22nd, 2009 at 5:32 am
Wow, this was funny and well-written. And it was on Cracked. My whole worldview is changed.
May 22nd, 2009 at 5:30 am
lol. yeah, terminator is stupid.
May 22nd, 2009 at 5:17 am
“turning bread into hotter bread”
Classic!
May 22nd, 2009 at 5:12 am
Really what the machines should do is send about 50 terminators back in time. Send them after Sarah Connors mom when she was 2. That would mean the year would probably be around the 1920’s. Weak ass stuff to kill the FIFTY terminators with back then. The humans can only what? send their 8 humans back in time to try to prevent it.
May 22nd, 2009 at 4:58 am
Hahahaha This was so funny, I can’t stop laughing. Great Article.
May 22nd, 2009 at 4:47 am
“Fuck you! What did I fucking say would fucking happen?!” I have the same response prepared for when zombies rise.
May 22nd, 2009 at 4:42 am
good stuff as always DOB =D
May 22nd, 2009 at 4:34 am
*still laughing*
May 22nd, 2009 at 4:33 am
Seriously, nay-sayers? The room with the naked Austrian men was hilarious! How can you say “meh” to that? Me thinks ye have lost your sense of humors.
May 22nd, 2009 at 4:24 am
Kudos! Terminator.. the series that’s just silly enough to work.
May 22nd, 2009 at 4:22 am
I thought his title change on the last entry was pretty amusing and the toaster entry. The rest was kinda, meh. If you vant to live, come wit me.
May 22nd, 2009 at 4:21 am
your my favourite cracked writer
but you have done better work
May 22nd, 2009 at 4:20 am
pretty funny stuff
May 22nd, 2009 at 4:19 am
Not funny at all.
This is the quality of a 8th grade special english assignment.
May 22nd, 2009 at 4:18 am
nice.
May 22nd, 2009 at 4:18 am
Fuck you Mr. Gloom. This one is has the biggest set of tits on it EVER. You’re just jealous because your tits are small and unappealing.
May 22nd, 2009 at 4:08 am
Sorry DOB, this one is just plain unfunny.
May 22nd, 2009 at 4:08 am
Maybe send him back in time to punch whoever thought Skynet would be a good idea in the balls. That would work better than the “protect my mommy” strategy.
May 22nd, 2009 at 4:07 am
funny cause it’s true