Once, on a trip to the beach with a girlfriend, I watched her disappear under one of the biggest waves I've ever seen before it pounded her into the sand and stripped off the top half of her bathing suit. Concussed and embarrassed, she staggered to shore where I was clapping and whistling to keep her oriented toward safe ground. As soon as I knew that she was going to live, I didn't even bother to wait the full half hour after applying sunscreen, I dove headfirst into the frothy surf and I fought it. I fought the the notoriously lusty Pacific Ocean for disgracing her. I flurry punched and round-housed and screamed into those waves until the sea relented and she was avenged. It wasn't pretty, the aftermath I mean, I was beautiful.
"You should put some ice on that before it swells. Ha, SWELLS. I am the best."
I mention all of this to assure you that everything I'm about to say comes from the lips and the fingers of a genuine hero. It's only natural for someone like you to feel envy after witnessing a stranger pull a pet clear of a burning inferno, or pluck a blue-lipped child from a frozen pond or, say, attack an ocean in the name of honor. You want to know how you can be more courageous in your everyday life, and while heroes are obliged to say, "I was just doing what anyone else would have done in the same situation" I hope it's clear, we don't actually mean that. Everyone who stands and watches an emergency instead of helping is cowardly proof that not all people are cut from the same cloth. So before you try your hand at heroism, ask yourself these questions to determine if you're really up to the task.
Why Do You Want to Be a Hero?
Obviously the best part of being a hero is that everyone showers you with gifts and the opportunity to see them naked, right? With the lights on and everything? Wrong. Dead wrong. A true hero doesn't save lives for material or sexual gains, a hero does heroic deeds only because they satisfy within his heart a deep and profound yearning to help his fellow man while other people are looking. Heroism is about renown and anyone acting bravely for any other reason is cheapening the experience.
How Many People Do You Have to Save or Protect Before You Can Call Yourself a Hero?
Trick question. Heroes don't do math, they Heimlich pretty ladies in restaurants back to life. If you want to waste your time with a bunch of addition and square rooting, you're probably confusing being a hero with being a Trigonometry teacher.