Last week's Daily Nooners were marginally classy by Cracked.com standards. We explored different cultures (Japan,Canada and China), we looked at the occasionally baffling world of haute couture... it was like a barely-literate New Yorker or something, but it was also a litmus test to figure out if the Cracked Blog was capable of carrying itself with a touch of class and worldliness. Everything was going great for a minute: People were talking about socialized medicine and martial arts, discussing our cultural differences in a polite and generally agreeable manner. You could feel the winds of change blowing, a new, more sophisticated day dawning on the horizon...
Then some guy named "Choocher" showed up and started talking about "little asian baby balls."
This is why we can't have nice things. I hope you all enjoy this video of a girl barfing all over herself in zero gravity.
The Worst Of "As Seen On TV"The Product:Shredder ScissorsThe Ad Copy: "Protect yourself against identity theft... The 10 stainless steel blades turn your private, personal information into scrap!"
Price: $12.95 plus $6.95 shipping & handling (Buy 1 Get 1 Free!)
Target Demographic: Mediocre businesspeople, scissors enthusiasts, paranoid delusionals who don't have electricity
Why It Sucks: These actually DO prevent identity theft, but they don't really advertise how it ACTUALLY works. Let's pretend I'm an identity thief: I peer in through your window, looking for clues that I can use to steal your identity, and I see you sitting at your kitchen table with a pair of "Shredder Scissors" in your hand. You've got a little pile of shredded "you overdrew your checking account again" letters on the table, a half-eaten bowl of ramen in front of you, and you're wearing a stained bathrobe and a soul-crushing frown. Your personal data might be shredded, but it's the fact that you can't even afford a real paper shredder that will keep me from being interested in it in the first place.
Stupid Factor (1 to 10): 4