Well, the Oscars are over, and I have retroactively altered my opinions of films I saw in order to be popular. For example, I used to think the Juno screenplay was mildly charming, with moments of overwrought mugging. Now I think it’s a tender yet daring explosion of the teen romance genre.
But I still won’t back down about the terrible makeup in La Vie En Rose. Honestly, Academy, what were you thinking? Norbit was the clear choice, and you fucked up. Although I guess we all have the comfort of knowing Norbit was at least seriously considered for film’s highest honor.
As for the non-movies part of the show, it became pretty apparent that Jon Stewart is the perfect man to host a hastily-assembled Oscars, if only because he can take any unfunny joke, pause, laugh, shrug, and look at the camera as if to say “that wasn’t funny, and I’m sorry” and it’s totally saved.
Watch some Daily Show; he does it all the time. It’s one of six moves he has, alongside the “purposely terrible impression that’s reminiscent of an old Jewish comedian” and the “expressing political outrage via screaming at the heavens as if starring in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn.”
So now that all the statues are given out, all the awkward interviews are posted and all the American actors are wondering what the hell happened, have we learned anything? I, for one, learned that Daniel Day-Lewis wears bizarre hoop earrings, Joel and Ethan Coen are the most socially awkward filmmakers outside of Kubrick (post-mortem), and Javier Bardem likes showing off his Spanish. Hey Javier, I speak Spanish too and you don’t see me showing it off, comprehende?
As for the No Country sweep in general, I’m all for anything that further justifies my almost fetishistic love of The Hudsucker Proxy. But I’ve got to say I was a little surprised. There Will Be Blood was by all accounts an excellent film, and on top of that it had a natural advantage in that it didn’t aim to piss off the audience, whereas No Country spent its last forty minutes brazenly jerking you around and showing you what a pavlovian tool Hitchcockian suspense movies have made you.
All of which is weird for me to say, because I actually really liked it. But come on, you’ve got to admit there’s a point in that movie when you realize they’re not even going to show the final confrontation they’ve been methodically building to for an hour and a half and a little guy in your head stands up, walks out of the theater, and sets fire to the snack bar. And then the whole bit with the car accident happens, and the little guy in your head finds the theater manager and pisses on him for wasting his time. But, really, I liked it.
It just has to be appreciated on a level that’s a little harder to access than There Will Be Blood’s “if you try and act like God, God will fuck you.” Now there’s a message the whole family can enjoy. Especially the father.
Here’s hoping someone in the comments explains to me exactly why the structural choices made in the back half of No Country are symbolically sound, and not tantamount to the Coen brothers filming themselves wacking off. In the meantime, doesn’t this video lose all impact now that you know Tom Cruise is nuttier than a nut factory on Nut Day?
Seriously, I feel like I can look into his eyes and see the crazy crouched, ready, waiting for its moment to pounce on Cruise’s respectability and tear out its throat.
When not blogging for Cracked, Michael makes Oscar-nominated short films as head writer and co-founder of Those Aren’t Muskets!
This entry was posted on Monday, February 25th, 2008 at 8:00 am and is filed under Academy Awards, Celebrities, Oscars, Stuff That Happened Last Night, Television. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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February 27th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
@michael swaim:
so from what I understand, you are basically arguing that the subject matter or style of a movie is not nearly as important as the execution of that movie, purtaining to direction, acting, effects, etc. If this is what you meant, then for sure I agree.
But in the case of NCfOM, the fact that the filmmakers ‘bucked tradition’ is really not even emphasized by them at all, it really is just the story, or rather an important theme in the story (as adapted from whoever wrote it - cant remember who) and to change it into a more traditional, predictible format would completely ruin the integrity of the film.
Furthermore, I have barely heard anyone praise it for being different and unpredictible; in fact the only references I’ve heard to that aspect of it have been negative - such as your response to it.
I would agree that a lot of artists, especially pretentious ones, do indeed try to be different for the sake of shock value. I just don’t think that’s the case in this particular movie - although I wouldn’t doubt that the Coen bros are in fact pretentious…meh whatever they make fucking good movies.
February 27th, 2008 at 8:26 am
You realize all this spam is karmic, right? We all made fun of Pruane2Forever (the sexman), and now the universe is making us pay. Geez, spammers, just get a girlfriend and go have sex with her.
February 27th, 2008 at 8:25 am
i find some interesting grammar on the site @dateaspammer.com. it is surprising punctuation!!^
February 27th, 2008 at 2:38 am
surprising you say? I’m sold!
February 26th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
i find some interesting things about Oscars on the site @interracialmatch.com. it is so surprising!!!
February 26th, 2008 at 8:59 pm
Okay, ignoring that and responding to O’Brien and others in a sort of devil’s advocate kind of way:
I hate it how just because someone defies established conventions, they’re “great” or “brilliant.” Doing the opposite of what has been done before just for the shock value requires no more skill than doing exactly what has been done before and doing it well. You recognize the conventions, then choose to follow or not follow them successfully.
I don’t think movies like No Country should get all this high status praise just because they went down the road less traveled (and not really that less traveled; there are plenty of films that play at undermining action tropes…and most are considered “failures” for the same reasons this one is considered “brilliant.” Just because it’s the Coen Brothers and Cormack McCarthy and shot and acted and directed amazingly, all those flaws are seen as deliberate, mastermind artistic choices).
I feel like we should give just as much credit to a story that uses the conventions in a technically masterful way (like “There Will be Blood”) as we do to ones that like being rebellious just for shits and giggles. In the end, I didn’t get as much from it because it was just an exercise in “being different.” “Life isn’t fair” or “life is hard” is just as hackneyed a message as anything, so that doesn’t win it any points in my book.
For the record, I’m not sure I believe any of that. Half of me wants to reply to this post with virulent counter-arguments and death threats, because part of me loved this movie. I am, in the end, totally and irrevocably undecided as to whether it was incredible or terrible. I know that’s not a ballsy opinion, but there you have it.
February 26th, 2008 at 5:54 pm
Don’t believe one optimistic word from any public figure about the economy or humanity in general. They are all part of the problem. Its like a game of Monopoly. In America, the richest 1% now hold 1/2 OF ALL UNITED STATES WEALTH. Unlike ‘lesser’ estimates, this includes all stocks, bonds, cash, and material assets held by America’s richest 1%. Even that filthy pig Oprah acknowledged that it was at about 50% in 2006. Naturally, she put her own ‘humanitarian’ spin on it. Calling attention to her own ‘good will’. WHAT A DISGUSTING HYPOCRITE SLOB. THE RICHEST 1% HAVE LITERALLY MADE WORLD PROSPERITY ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE. Don’t fall for all of their ‘humanitarian’ CRAP. ITS A SHAM. THESE PEOPLE ARE CAUSING THE SAME PROBLEMS THEY PRETEND TO CARE ABOUT. Ask any professor of economics. Money does not grow on trees. The government can’t just print up more on a whim. At any given time, there is a relative limit to the wealth within ANY economy of ANY size. So when too much wealth accumulates at the top, the middle class slip further into debt and the lower class further into poverty. A similar rule applies worldwide. The world’s richest 1% now own over 40% of ALL WORLD WEALTH. This is EVEN AFTER you account for all of this ‘good will’ ‘humanitarian’ BS from celebrities and executives. ITS A SHAM. As they get richer and richer, less wealth is left circulating beneath them. This is the single greatest underlying cause for the current US recession. The middle class can no longer afford to sustain their share of the economy. Their wealth has been gradually transfered to the richest 1%. One way or another, we suffer because of their incredible greed. We are talking about TRILLIONS of dollars. Transfered FROM US TO THEM. Over a period of about 27 years. Thats Reaganomics for you. The wealth does not ‘trickle down’ as we were told it would. It just accumulates at the top. Shrinking the middle class and expanding the lower class. Causing a domino effect of socio-economic problems. But the rich will never stop. They will never settle for a reasonable share of ANYTHING. They will do whatever it takes to get even richer. Leaving even less of the pie for the other 99% of us to share. At the same time, they throw back a few tax deductable crumbs and call themselves ‘humanitarians’. IT CAN’T WORK THIS WAY. This is going to end just like a game of Monopoly. The current US recession will drag on for years and lead into the worst US depression of all time. The richest 1% will live like royalty while the rest of us fight over jobs, food, and gasoline. Crime, poverty, and suicide will skyrocket. So don’t fall for all of this PR CRAP from Hollywood, Pro Sports, and Wall Street PIGS. ITS A SHAM. Remember: They are filthy rich EVEN AFTER their tax deductable contributions. Greedy pigs. Now, we are headed for the worst economic and cultural crisis of all time. SEND A “THANK YOU” NOTE TO YOUR FAVORITE MILLIONAIRE. ITS THEIR FAULT. I’m not discounting other factors like China, sub-prime, or gas prices. But all of those factors combined still pale in comparison to that HUGE transfer of wealth to the rich. Anyway, those other factors are all related and further aggrivated because of GREED. If it weren’t for the OBSCENE distribution of wealth within our country, there never would have been such a market for sub-prime to begin with. Which by the way, was another trick whipped up by greedy bankers and executives. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. The credit industry has been ENDORSED by people like Oprah, Ellen, Dr Phil, and many other celebrities. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. So don’t fall for their ‘humanitarian’ BS. ITS A SHAM. NOTHING BUT TAX DEDUCTABLE PR CRAP. Bottom line: The richest 1% will soon tank the largest economy in the world. It will be like nothing we’ve ever seen before. and thats just the beginning. Greed will eventually tank every major economy in the world. Causing millions to suffer and die. Oprah, Angelina, Brad, Bono, and Bill are not part of the solution. They are part of the problem. EXTREME WEALTH HAS MADE WORLD PROSPERITY ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE. WITHOUT WORLD PROSPERITY, THERE WILL NEVER BE WORLD PEACE OR ANYTHING EVEN CLOSE. GREED KILLS. IT WILL BE OUR DOWNFALL. Of course, the rich will throw a fit and call me a madman. Of course, their ignorant fans will do the same. You have to expect that. But I speak the truth. If you don’t believe me, then copy this entry and run it by any professor of economics or socio-economics. Then tell a friend. Call the local radio station. Re-post this entry or put it in your own words. Be one of the first to predict the worst economic and cultural crisis of all time and explain its cause. WE ARE IN BIG TROUBLE.
February 26th, 2008 at 10:46 am
moss died off screen because the movie wasn’t about him. it was about a) tommy lee jones and b) inevitability. taken those two, we didn’t need to see moss’s death, and in fact, not seeing it backed up the themes of the movie.
February 26th, 2008 at 4:06 am
Norbit: A testimony to why Eddie Murphy doesn’t (and never will) deserve an Oscar.
February 26th, 2008 at 1:15 am
Juno did indeed suck.
February 25th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
Also, while life may well be overwhelmingly “like that”, it’s pretty rare for a movie to portray life so bleakly. That’s why it’s “escapism.” “No Country” is probably the least escapist film I’ve ever seen, and it’s thunderously brilliant.
February 25th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
Well, Christ, glendoor, I say “every once and a while” because I want to leave the world with some hope. Jesus. There should have been an epilogue at the end of cheesy, feel-good Juno that went “By the way, Juno’s baby eventually died. Just like Juno did. Just like you will. Everybody dies and no one will remember anything you do.
-Juno
P.S.
AIDS.”
February 25th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
“the guy you sort of liked died unceremoniously and the bad guy got away because, every once and a while, life is like that.”
Every once in a while, shit. FUCKING MOST OF THE TIME IT IS LIKE THAT. If had to get a tattoo on my forehead it would be, in big bold letters, “LIFE IS NOT FUCKING FAIR, SO SHUT THE FUCK UP.” Instead of my forehead I think I will get a t-shirt made with that on it and
have that saying encircling the have a nice day smiley face.
February 25th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
Long live the Hud
February 25th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
I’VE ABANDONED MY SON! I’VE ABANDONED MY CHILD!!
Yea, Juno is way overrated, and the screenplay was the worst part. way too much lingo used unironically. Good direction and performances, but goddammit they just kept making me squirm with every single sentence containing 50 slang words no one uses.
And Jon Stewart is god.
February 25th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
Every time a super-cooler blogger mentions The Hudsucker Proxy, I get a boner, no lie.
Oh, and Juno sucked.
February 25th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
The point of No Country For Old Men was to show how things don’t get wrapped up neatly in the end. As a previous poster said, it’s a testament to the fact that life isn’t fair, i.e, shit happens, get used to it.
If other posters had paid attention to Lee Jones’s “deliberately boring” monologue then they might also have learned that the entire point was not to have any resolution to the “conflict between good and evil.” There is no resolution, it doesn’t work like that.
NCfOM wouldn’t have been HALF as good if the end had made “sense.”
February 25th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
I remembered one insightful comment one young lady made to her boyfriend walking out from the movie: “I thought that was a cool one in the beginning movie and so what?! That was a fucking pile of shit!”. The guy nodded, looking like he’s ready to broke someone’s face for his lost roubles (that was all in Russia to the boot).
The final monologue from Lee Jones was deliberately boring, right, but that’s the game. The book is even more hopeless. It’s also less ambiguous. It has the phrase: “Then he shot her”, for instance. I think it’s great to be cheated and manipulated by directors. It’s their fucking show! Everyone is free to leave at any moment and watch “Commando” at home on DVD, fulfilling the desire to see the controversy between The Good and The Evil resolved.
Another movie which has a familiar anticlimactic ending is “Ichi The Killer” by Takashi Miike.
It makes people who like clear answers angry!
Me thinks – here’s Cohens’ best film along with “Barton Fink”!
February 25th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
Yeah, King Monkey. Law and Order: SVU was on all day on USA. I love that show because it’s so fucked up sometimes.
February 25th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
“I’m all for anything that further justifies my almost fetishistic love of The Hudsucker Proxy”
OH SWEET CHRIST IT’S NOT JUST ME.
February 25th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
Totally agree with O’Brien.
It’s the fact that the Coen brothers resisted those cliches that makes them so damn good.
That’s what the whole coin toss thing was about, how it aint fair and all that, it’s just how it is.
February 25th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
Cormac McCarthy you suck.
February 25th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
If you have a problem with No Country for Old Men the movie, your issue is really with the book. The Coens really stuck to McCarthy’s book on that one- car accident, anticlimactic death of the guy you thought was the hero - it’s all in the book, almost exactly how you saw it on the screen. And that’s really Cormac McCarthy through and through and, personally, I loved it. It didn’t feel quite like any other movie when I watched it because it didn’t follow the usual conventions; it was more like being held hostage to the world the Coens and McCarthy created. It might not follow all the rules, but, really, did we need another “Good Guy and Bad Guy stalk each other and inevitably clash brilliantly in a heroic and/or tragic battle atop a building or mountain, (where, perhaps, one drops the other off the side of a cliff to be trampled to death by wildebeests),”? Did we really need another one of those? With No Country, not all of the rules were followed, the guy you sort of liked died unceremoniously and the bad guy got away because, every once and a while, life is like that.
February 25th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Hey! The red X’s are fixed!
February 25th, 2008 at 11:28 am
I missed a Law and Order marathon? Fuck!
February 25th, 2008 at 11:20 am
Did you just harsh on Jon Stewart?
… damn …
February 25th, 2008 at 9:39 am
I would explain the last half of “No Country For Old Men,” but I’m too busy wondering why there are red X’s in your blog post.
February 25th, 2008 at 9:35 am
I’ve no idea what Hitchcockian suspense is and how it can define a movie, also I can’t be arsed to google it to try and look clever, but I very much doubt that the fact that No Country For Old Men wasn’t one is a valid excuse for it being totally shite.
This is the best evidence I have so far that I am right and everyone else is wrong (generally).
P.S. that little guy setting fire to the snack bar, that’s you, that’s the real you, embrace him.
February 25th, 2008 at 9:08 am
Is that why there was another Law and Order Marathon on yesterday? I missed the Oscars?
February 25th, 2008 at 9:04 am
Screw work, today I’m going to every message board on the net and rage about how “Gone Baby Gone” was snubbed. Travesty.
February 25th, 2008 at 8:40 am
Were the Oscars on last night?