Cracked Columnists
5 Reasons Your Online Dating Profile Isn't Working
Your dating profile is not working because you are literally posing with a sword in your photo.
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- By Winston Rowntree
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5 Romantic Products Perfect for Ending Relationships
Here are five products that are falling all over themselves to act as your relationship's final Mexican standoff.
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- By Soren Bowie
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5 Things That Should Get You Banned from the Internet
'Kill yourself' is how the Internet says 'Maybe you should work on this.'
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- By Robert Brockway
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10 Life Lessons That 'Tetris' Can Teach You
EVERYTHING MUST BE STACKED AND ORDERED NEATLY. IT WILL PILE UP AND DOOM US ALL.
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- By Chris Bucholz
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7 Reasons Child Stars Go Crazy (An Insider's Perspective)
I chose to start acting when I was 5. It was my decision, and my parents tried their hardest to discourage me.
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- By Mara Wilson
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5 Gamer Comments That Give Straight White Guys a Bad Name
This is a gallery of every possible way a straight white male could be a dick about it without starring in porn.
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- By Luke McKinney
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The 5 Easiest Ways to Ruin Any Vacation
Any vacation can be undone by an ill-timed malady.
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- By Gladstone
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5 People Who Quit Real Jobs to Pursue Idiotic Dreams
Ninja is never a dream you should pursue.
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- By Felix Clay
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4 Things You Should Know Before Spending a Weekend in Jail
Going to jail can be a terrifying thing.
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- By Adam Tod Brown
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9 Businesses You Won't Believe Are Utilizing Public Nudity
Given how delightful nudity is, it should come as no surprise that many an entrepreneur has tried to capitalize on our desire to see other people's assorted goodies and floppies jostling about.
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- By Felix Clay
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7 Awesome Moments in the Greatest Police Training Video Ever
It is an 85-minute spectacular featuring re-enactments performed by heavily accented Canadians, Satanic sacrifice, and an emphasis on how the police can deal with broadswords and razor-bladed trucker caps.
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- By Chris Sims
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4 Reasons 'Raiders of the Lost Ark' Is Secretly About Drugs
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- By Gladstone
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4 Important Rule Changes That Make Every Game More Fun
Rules are a necessary part of every game, the main reason we can have competitive pastimes that aren't just about hitting each other with sticks.
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- By Chris Bucholz
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The 4 Most Weirdly Outdated Corporate Policies
It's so baffling that some of the biggest corporations are still stubbornly adhering to policies that should have been phased out years, if not decades ago.
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- By Robert Brockway
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4 Real Science Experiments Clearly Designed by Michael Bay
Real-world scientists and engineers make 'special' effects look like a euphemism. Behold, four real science and engineering videos that apply a significant podal positive impulse to a lot of gluteus maximus.
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- By Luke McKinney
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