Cracked Columnists
The 7 Types of Halloween Costume and What They Say About You
Before you go hit on that Sexy Naruto or whatever, maybe consult this handy list first and see if it's worth the trouble.
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- By Robert Brockway
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Ghost Hunting in The World's Creepiest Haunted House
I found a class on house healing via a flier off a car windshield. Now it's time to put my hard work to good use.
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- By Soren Bowie
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The 10 Most Confusing Things About Football to an Outsider
Here's some common questions asked by people new to football (well, mostly me) answered by someone who doesn't know anything about football (also me).
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- By Christina H
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7 Insane Moments in the World's Most Hardcore Haunted House
Here are seven insane things I saw at the Blackout Haunted House in Los Angeles that made me buy new pairs of pants.
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- By Adam Tod Brown
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The 6 Most Spectacular Low Points of Modern Pop Culture
Our grand kids will never understand these miscarriagues of creativity, nor will they forgive them.
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- By Seanbaby
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5 Reasons the Scariest Thing Ever Written Is a Kids' Book
Perfect for campfires and emotionally scarring your children.
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- By Brendan McGinley
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4 Pop Culture Arguments That Need to be Retired
I've been doing this for a while now, long enough that I've noticed the few pop culture arguments that come up over and over and over again. And I'm getting pretty tired of them.
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- By Daniel O'Brien
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6 Things Every Sucker Should Know Before Buying a Used Car
I have bought and destroyed more cars than is technically allowable by the United States Government, and am therefore legally obligated to actually try to help you in this column.
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- By Robert Brockway
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5 Homemade Costume Ideas for Parents Who Hate Their Kids
In the next week, as you hear kids making greedy demands of their parents or whining about how many Snickers they should be allowed to have in a day, there's a good chance those awful children will end up in one of these suits of pure punishment.
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- By Soren Bowie
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4 Things Movies Always Get Wrong About Computer Hackers
Everything you've learned from Hollywood about hacking has utterly failed to communicate just how boring it actually is.
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- By Chris Bucholz
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5 Music Videos That Justify the Existence of the Internet
These music videos would have been destroyed by production committees, and only exist because the Internet is a thing. And the world is better for it.
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- By Luke McKinney
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5 Things That Have Almost Destroyed Halloween
Halloween isn't always the beacon of snack-sized Snickers and girls dressed as Kojak with cleavage that it should be. For years, nefarious little shits have been trying to have their way with it and make it awful, because some people just want to watch the world burn.
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- By Ian Fortey
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The 5 Least Necessary Cover Songs of All Time
There are cover songs that add absolutely nothing new and are a success merely for the artist's ability to ape everything that was good about the original. Here are five covers, competently played, but with shockingly little imagination.
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- By Gladstone
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So Your Clone Is Trying to Murder You
Bad news: Your clone wants to kill you. Worse news: This guide is your only hope of survival.
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- By Chris Bucholz
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The 10 Dumbest Things on TV So Far This Season
TV is widely reviled as the dumbest medium. I can't argue with that. Here are 10 moments from the last few weeks or so that stand out as pillars of dumbness in a dumb wasteland.
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- By Christina H
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