Cracked Columnists
The 5 Saddest Things People Do to Look Smart
The biggest problem is that there's a lot of different kinds of smart, and we can't all be good at all of them. Some people just panic and think there's only two groups of people - the smart and the dumb.
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- By Christina H
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5 Writing Tips for the People Who Send Me Death Threats
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- By Soren Bowie
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5 Simple Tricks for Destroying Your Co-Workers
While we'd like to believe that all it takes is hard work and talent, the bitter reality is that we need every advantage -- legit and otherwise -- to rise to the top. And that means you have to be ready to be a horrible person.
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- By Gladstone
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Barbecue for Bastards
Lessons in the fine art of gonzo grilling
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- By Brendan McGinley
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I Can't Tell If the World Is Being Serious Anymore
When 'Fast Five' thrilled critics and finished their opening weekend at number 1, I decided to stop paying attention to movies for a while and start focusing on the real world.
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- By Daniel O'Brien
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The 6 Craziest Sieges in History
Sieges are violent test of ingenuity and balls between two sides, and over the years men of war have come up with some pretty clever ways to keep their enemies the fuck off their lawns. Sieges are never as simple as ladders and ballistae, but here are six from history that are especially unusual.
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- By Seanbaby
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When Video Games Get Stuck In Your Head
We have to figure a way out of these oppressive blankets. Wait: If you shot a blue portal on the floor here, right next to the bed, and then shot an orange portal upright against the far wall there, you could just roll out of bed, fall through the blue portal, and the momentum would shove you through the orange portal - standing and maybe even movi
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- By Robert Brockway
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4 Reasons We Need to Start Making Fun of Terrorists
What we need to start doing with terrorists, like we do to any troll (and that's what they are, murderous trolls) is to start embarrassing them.
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- By Christina H
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A Letter to God Following the Cancellation of the Rapture
You screwed me. Not in a literal sense, though I suppose your omnipresence raises interesting questions about our shared levels of intimacy but that's outside the point.
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- By Soren Bowie
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Five Reasons The Rapture Did Not Occur
From Biblical-ish sources
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- By Brendan McGinley
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4 Fashion Tips For Being Left Alone This Summer
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- By Daniel O'Brien
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NBC Cancels 'Outsourced': An Anti-Protest Letter
TV is littered with the corpses of beloved shows with lousy ratings. You can't mention Terriers around one of its 10 viewers without hearing the president of FX is worse than Robo-Hitler. But what if programming did something smart?
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- By Brendan McGinley
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Why The Reaction to Bin Laden's Death Proves We're Screwed
Celebrities break the news now, and the internet is doing the fact checking.
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- By Jack O'Brien
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5 Real-World Mechs Straight out of Science Fiction
In science fiction, there's no problem a good giant robot suit can't solve. And yet, in reality, we all commute to work in dumb ol' cars, fight our wars with boring guns, and make bland love with our decidedly non-mechanical genitals. Where are our mechs, science? Where are our god damn mechs?! Oh wait, here they are. Sorry about that, Science.
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- By Robert Brockway
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The Cheater's Guide to Winning Online Arguments
using a second persona - called a sock puppet - to further some secret agenda is a bit seedy. It's also an effective way to win an argument online.
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- By Chris Bucholz
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