Cracked Columnists
4 Steps to Staying Relevant as a Bully In the Modern World
The last decade has not been kind to us. If you are reading this, or more likely, forcing someone to read it to you, then you already know the sorry state in which we find ourselves. Classrooms, offices and sports teams across the country have conspired against us to tear down the delicate social hierarchy we so carefully built with one gut-punch
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- By Soren Bowie
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0 Was 'Arrested Development' A Remake of a 70s Sitcom?
It's called Soap and it was the greatest sitcom of the 70s. Also, the 2000s when it was called Arrested Development.
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- By Gladstone
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The 5 Most Spectacularly Unsexy Workout Videos Ever
When a woman is post menopausal, her body starts to deteriorate. Some say this is the natural aging process; others argue that it's because she no longer gets the workout of strapping herself into a 60 pound menstrual belt seven times a day.
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- By Seanbaby
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The Ulterior Motive of Every Dungeons and Dragons Game
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- By Robert Brockway
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Speaking in Tongues: The Dark Truth Behind an On-Air Meltdown
Last week, the interent cheered as a reporter's brain went completely haywire live on television. I look into this strange phenomenon using good old fashioned investigative journalism.
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- By Chris Bucholz
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6 Children I Help Tutor Who Will Never (Ever) Be President
I'm sorry Matilda, no one wants to elect a math nerd to the best job in the world, you can't be President.
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- By Soren Bowie
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If The Internet Disappeared: Finding Answers Without Google
Most of the day was spent debating trivia. What year certain movies came out. Who starred in sitcoms from our childhood. And each dispute ended with 'agree to disagree.'
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- By Gladstone
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Abraham Lincoln: Portrait of a Crazy Badass
in honor of President's Day, I am thrilled to provide you with a closer look at one of the great men who served our country as King: Abraham Lincoln. Loved by many, hated by some, shot by one and feared by anyone under 6'4", Abraham Lincoln covered a divided America with a warm, bushy neck beard of protection.
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- By Daniel O'Brien
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9 Ludicrous Trends In Advertising We'll Never See Again
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- By Seanbaby
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5 Most Terrifyingly Homoerotic Japanese Music Videos
Japan is to sanity what Australia is to life: You just don't go there if you want to keep it.
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- By Robert Brockway
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6 Types of Awful Valentine's Day You're Recovering From
Well losers, it's the day after Valentine's Day, and another year has gone by without love's warm hands caressing your sloped shoulders.
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- By Chris Bucholz
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My Doomed Attempt to Woo Sandra Bullock
It's Valentine's Day, the first heartbeat of spring. I am a strong advocate of any holiday that puts pretense aside and encourages celebrators to trade pricey gifts for sexual favors. When affection can be measured in real currency, I always win because my love is deep and so are my pockets.
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- By Soren Bowie
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14 Prequels Even Hollywood Wouldn't Make
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- By Cody Johnston
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4 Great Artists Who Make it Really Hard Not To Hate Them
Daniel Day-Lewis is not the badass we want him to be. For one thing, most of the time he dresses like some kind of weird Lumberjack Glam Cowboy.
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- By Daniel O'Brien
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Most Horrifying Writers Room Ever
In December of 2010, the Editors of Cracked.com decided to lock three of their regular writers in a conference room for 30 days. The writers--Michael Swaim, Cody Johnston and Daniel O'Brien--were tasked with creating as many comedically-themed sketch videos as they could. The conference room descended into madness well before day 6.
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- By Daniel O'Brien, Michael Swaim, Cody Johnston
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