Cracked Columnists
5 Real Robots Built To Love You... To Death
Science doesn\'t like to be told what they can, can\'t, or just plain shouldn\'t do, and so they\'ve decided to build robots that love us. And they are freaking terrifying.
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- By Robert Brockway
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A Review of Armond White's Review of Toy Story 3
Dear Armond White: Watch movies better.
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- By Cody Johnston
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10 Convoluted Solutions For Fixing an iPhone 4G's Antenna
Within hours of its release, rumors began to circulate around the Internet about problems with the phone\'s reception, specifically with the placement of the antenna. By holding the phone in certain ways, cellular reception suffered dramatically. Holding the phone in your hand, for example, seemed to be a problem.
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- By Chris Bucholz
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Understanding Hipsters: An Undercover Operation
Somewhere in America right now a Religious Studies graduate in white shutter shades is sucking the Pabst Blue Ribbon from his wispy mustache while listening to a pig-tailed girl offer her position on Metamorphosis. They are hipsters, I know this because I met them. They hang out in front of a Coffee Bean.
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- By Soren Bowie
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Dan O'Brien: Facebook Detective
A preliminary look at his Facebook wall didn\'t seem to turn up anything concrete. \'Doing Drugs\' wasn\'t listed as one of his interests
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- By Daniel O'Brien
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Dick Whiskey: Drunk Cop [Comic]
The world\'s a different place when you\'re drunk. Dangerous decisions are made at impossible speed. Women are attractive at impossible weights. And impossible pain is something you only feel if you stop drinking.
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- By Seanbaby
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The Sociopath's Guide to Owning and Maintaining Classic Cars
Some of us didn\'t have anybody in our lives that was there to teach us the important things in life: How to fix appliances, build a shed, when it is and is not acceptable to urinate on a police officer or, in my particular case, how to work on classic cars. And that\'s a damn shame too, because from approximately 1960 to 1979, the United States bu
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- By Robert Brockway
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The World Of Tomorrow (If They Shut Off The Internet)
Controversially, this kill switch could be activated unilaterally, regardless of the harm done to businesses or private users in the US and around the world. Obviously the implications of such a plan are frightening, and it would be irresponsible for Cracked not to haphazardly slap together an article which farts around the main issues and infuriat
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- By Chris Bucholz
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The Highly Fabricated Wikipedia Entry For J. D. Salinger
Salinger was famous the world over for his press conferences, which he would hold at least once a week if he wasn't too busy adapting Catcher into a movie or a Broadway musical or various other media outlets. Many of the press conferences turned into scavenger hunts which would have been orchestrated by his wife, were he ever married.
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- By Cody Johnston
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5 Oil Spill Solutions Now That Kevin Costner Is Helping
Shia LaBeouf: \'I\'ve been placed in all sorts of things I had no business being in. And the thing is, those projects broke kinda big for a couple weeks, but then were quickly forgotten with no lasting influence or consequence whatsoever.\'
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- By Gladstone
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My Brief Time as the Cat in the Hat
DOB invades another comic book from your childhood.
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- By Daniel O'Brien
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8 Douchebags Who Found This Article By Googling Themselves
Eight individuals who are so self-obsessed that they don't even need nudity to masturbate when they find themselves on the Web.
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- By Seanbaby
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8 Ways To Control Your Dreams: Plan Ahead, Bring a Machete
Dreaming is something we all take for granted, to the point that many people today can barely dream at a fifth grade level. We\'re largely wasting one of our greatest abilities: a survey of Cracked staffers revealed that the vast majority of our dreams are about mundane things like our jobs or our World of Warcraft guilds, or that weird one with Bu
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- By Chris Bucholz
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Bros Icing Bros: Understanding This Ridiculous Phenomenon
Icing is the new trend among frat boys, hipsters or really just anyone missing a chromosome. It\'s a slightly more complicated drinking game than the ones we had when I was in college, (\'Hey look, a beer. Drink that beer.\')
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- By Daniel O'Brien
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6 Things Red Dead Redemption Taught Me About (Hating) Women
As I played through Red Dead Redemption, I learned a lot of things about the Old West. Irrelevant things since I shot them all, but one theme remained strangely constant as I played: The West hated women.
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- By Seanbaby
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