Cracked Columnists
Is Anyone Else Really Hoping For A Spinoff Of The Family Guy Spinoff?
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- By Cody Johnston
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0 The First Honest Piece of Advice About Girls on the Internet
Imagine you were watching yourself from across the room. What would you see yourself doing if you were played by Ted Danson?
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- By Chris Bucholz
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Why The Zombies Have It Worse in a Zombie Apocalypse
Keeping spirits up is pretty much a 24/7 job. I want to just grab some of these guys and shake them, but I think that puts them at risk of falling apart.
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- By Ian Fortey
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A Journey Through the Healthcare Apocalypse With Glenn Beck
At that he suddenly choked off a sob - you could tell the words \'dick\' and \'work\' appearing together in the same sentence pained him. I slapped his shoulder reassuringly, \'listen, man, I was exaggerating. Honestly, it only does the work of two - maybe three cocks, tops.\'
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- By Robert Brockway
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Twice-Translated Tales of the Super Friends
The Super Friends had to deal with a lot of problems. They had to fight crime without actual violence on the screen, one of them was a bucket of water, six of them didn\'t wear pants and the non-Caucasian ones were so clumsily written that they seemed like animatronics from a racist pizza parlor.
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- By Seanbaby
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6 Movies (That Might As Well Be) Coming Out This Spring
A delightful new romantic comedy starring Jennifer Aniston and Ryan Reynolds about two divorced genies who wind up with the same master (Jon Heder).
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- By Cody Johnston
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Every Episode Of Heroes Ever
Tonight's Episode: One Of We
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- By Cody Johnston
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The 5 Worst Places to Go for Online Sex Advice
Sometimes I also come across other sex experts who may, in fact, possess fewer qualifications than me. How can I make such a judgment? Because look at this dumb shit ...
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- By Ian Fortey
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The Betty White Meme: When The Internet Stopped Making Sense
I work for the internet. It\'s sort of my job to know why we do the shit that we do, and this one leaves me stumped.
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- By Daniel O'Brien
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Man Comics: Terrifying Safety Lessons for Kids
As a public service, I\'ve put together the finest safety publication the world of caution has ever known: Stayin\' Safe With Kirk Cameron. In this issue you\'ll learn how to resuscitate a lingerie model, how to hide from robots, how a banana proves God, and how Popsicle Pete became what we know him(?) as today.
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- By Seanbaby
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EXTRA! Mario Lopez has no soul!
His face is still frozen in a smile that bespeaks friendly recognition with a slight touch of modesty. His fingernails are piercing my skin.
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- By Robert Brockway
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So someone's interrupting your award acceptance speech.
http://cdn-www.cracked.com/phpimages/article/2/1/1/20211.jpg?v=1
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- By Chris Bucholz
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The Secrets Of Benjamin Linus
A musical review of LOST's former villain.
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- By Cody Johnston
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5 Awesome Things Monkeys Can Do (Better Than Most Humans)
I find monkeys, by and large, hilarious. But every so often, when I\'m reading about monkeys, I come across some that are impressive enough to make me a little bit ashamed of myself.
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- By Ian Fortey
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Hollywood Has Reached a New Low (And It Is Awesome)
Friends and Lovers, I have amazing news. According to \'The Hollywood Reporter\', Warner Brothers is planning on making an action-adventure movie \'based\' on Leonardo da Vinci called \'Leonardo da Vinci and the Soldiers of Forever.\' As much as I hate to admit it, I did not make up that awesome, totally rad title. That\'s what the treatment is act
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- By Daniel O'Brien
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