Cracked Columnists

The Brave Tale of Maxwell the Dinosaur and Dr. Prehistoria

A pretty typical lunch break at the Cracked offices.

Authors: By Robert Brockway
Published: September 30, 2009
Comments: 0

Why We Should All Be Scared Now That Facebook Has Gaydar

Once activated the software would comb my list of friends, their lists of friends and so on, computing a list of attributes that all my accidental friends possessed. If I had a significant number of friends with a given attribute, the algorithm would then output that I myself have the same attribute.

Authors: By Chris Bucholz
Published: September 29, 2009
Comments: 0

Why Obama Makes Americans Want to Stockpile Ammo

The story of our nation, told through the trial of one (possibly retarded) man.

Authors: By Daniel O'Brien
Published: September 25, 2009
Comments: 0

5 Insane Fighting Manuals (You Probably Shouldn't Listen To)

Bar fights are started when beer is applied to douches or sexual frustration. They are ended with karate. You\'re about to learn everything in between. I\'ve scoured book stores for the finest literature and DVD sets to unlock the secrets of the drunken Orient, and now every time I have a beer 17 people die.

Authors: By Seanbaby
Published: September 24, 2009
Comments: 0

How To Accidentally Throw A Furry Orgy Using Craigslist

MINT CONDITION CARE BEARS! HOLY CRAP DUDE, THIS IS YOUR LUCKY DAY. YOU DON\'T EVEN KNOW

Authors: By Chris Bucholz
Published: September 22, 2009
Comments: 0

The 5 Least Sexy Products Money Can Buy=One Terrifying Date

There\'s a plethora of product review sites on the internet, but they all have one problem in common: Responsibility. They\'re always \'carefully testing products\' given to them \'expressly for that purpose,\' and where\'s the fun in that? Plus they don\'t have nearly enough pictures of boobs.

Authors: By Robert Brockway
Published: September 22, 2009
Comments: 0