Author’s note: I’m still on vacation this week, and wrote this before I left. If all goes according to plan, I’ll be somewhere in San Francisco when this goes up - probably drinking beer in the Google parking lot with a pair of binoculars and an angry girlfriend.
__
A while back I posted 15 reasons why Canada is better than your country, a thoughtful and well researched article that enumerated 15 reasons why Canada is better than your country (I titled the article exceedingly well.) The comments section broke out into the usual sort of ass-grabbery we tend to get around here, with one interesting twist. Although I didn’t specifically mention alcoholic drinks or even whiskey-flavored gasoline, several of the commenters seized upon the fervent nationalism in the air and loudly claimed that Canadian beer is better than American beer.
I’ve heard this claim before, the basis of it seeming to be the fact that the beer most commonly associated with America, Budweiser, is so universally loathed. The fact that the beer most commonly associated with Canada, Molson Canadian, tastes exactly the fucking same as Budweiser, was evidently not relevant to the discussion. I’m totally serious. You could do a blind taste test of those two beers and the only thing you’d get out of it would be a slightly elevated interest in girls wearing denim jackets.
I don’t know why people love ragging on other people’s beers. You never see people this jumpy about wine coolers. But I do know how to capitalize on a trend. Here at Cracked, we take a certain pride in our ability to mock other people for many diverse reasons, ranging from their religious views to their lame superpowers. And we want to help you, the reader. Below is a simple list of arguments you can bring up when drinking at the bar, on the beach or in the sauna, which will help you prove conclusively why the beer you’re drinking makes your genitals ten times larger than the other guy (or girl.)
If you drink… Budweiser:
Reason your beer is better than that asshole’s:
Because you’re an honest hard working American, who wants an honest hard-working American beer.
Is my beer really better than that asshole’s?
Have you ever tried another beer? Budweiser isn’t better than some things that leak out of trauma patients.
__
If you drink… Coors Light
Reason your beer is better than that asshole’s:
Your want a beer that tastes like a mountain. This beer also regularly claims to be “cold” tasting.
Is my beer really better than that asshole’s?
Of course it does. What kind of idiot likes to drink warm beer? Your beer is cold. You’ve got science on your side.
__
If you drink… Heineken
Reason your beer is better than that asshole’s:
Your beer is so exotic, it comes from Europe. You don’t know where in Europe specifically, but it’s definitely not from around here.
Is my beer really better than that asshole’s?
Not likely. Heineken isn’t much different than every other lager on the market. And it’s everywhere - these days, a Heineken is a little less exotic than the McRib.
__
If you drink… Tequiza
Reason your beer is better than that asshole’s:
Your beer has the refreshing taste of tequila and salt. Your beer is itself already pretty wasted, but is getting a second wind.
Is my beer really better than that asshole’s?
Oh good gravy, no. But this is probably the only beer in the world that tastes better when drunk in the shower.
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If you drink… Guinness
Reason your beer is better than that asshole’s:
Your beer comes from pretty far away, and is the drink of choice for many of the top professional alcoholics.
Is my beer really better than that asshole’s?
There’s better stouts out there, but this is a solid all round choice, and apparently a mandatory one if you aspire to be an Irish novelist.
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If you drink… Corona
Reason your beer is better than that asshole’s:
Your beer tastes refreshing when drunk in the bright sunshine.
Is my beer really better than that asshole’s?
Almost everything taste refreshing when drunk in the sunshine, and many of those things actually taste like beer as well. Consequently, Corona is undeniably a better beer than milk, but not much else.
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If you drink… Sierra Nevada Pale Ale
Reason your beer is better than that asshole’s:
Your beer was brewed by serious west coast beer drinkers, who probably have serious west coast beards. Bearded men are generally tiresome to spend much time around, but when they develop an interest in something, they tend to do it pretty well.
Is my beer really better than that asshole’s?
Pretty good chance, but you’ll look like a dick if you bring it up, and may get mocked for your elitism and the snobbish way you wear that cravat.
__
If you drink… Pabst Blue Ribbon
Reason your beer is better than that asshole’s:
Your beer is dirt-cheap, and is the favored drink of hardened Midwestern alcoholics, and young men who think hardened Midwestern alcoholism is “hilarious.”
Is my beer really better than that asshole’s?
No, but you weren’t buying it for the taste, were you?
__
If you drink… Cantillon Blåbær Lambik
Reason your beer is better than that asshole’s:
Your beer has papers. Your beer has a pedigree. Your beer has a healthy coat, strong teeth and spectacular hindquarters. Your beer will stud for a nominal fee.
Is my beer really better than that asshole’s?
Sure, but it’s not something you can drink twenty of while sitting in a lawn chair half submerged in a children’s wading pool, is it?
This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 26th, 2008 at 8:00 am and is filed under Beer. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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November 20th, 2009 at 12:00 am
I’m Canadian, and while some American beers are terrible, so are some Canadian beers. Bud is just fine, actually - there is a reason its so popular, and no, superbowl commericials don’t count for anything. I must say, though, that here is Canada we have a lot of pubs which brew their own stuff, and it is nothing less then phenomenal. I can drink a different beer, stout, lager, whatever every day for a year and still not drink them all. And almost all of them are actually worth drinking!
November 15th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
Natty Ice!
It says: your a college kid and you want to get drunk and you will rather quickly.
October 10th, 2009 at 5:46 am
they didnt mention…shiner bock…shiner is osm
September 23rd, 2009 at 3:25 pm
actually, yeah, a lot of former/recovering alcoholics drink non-alcoholic beer.
In all fairness though, if the only beer I’d ever tasted was Natty Light I would drink it to get drunk too. The piss-like aftertaste has to go away sometime between the 5th and 6th can, right?
September 3rd, 2009 at 2:06 pm
Got I hate the stupid ass aussies in here spouting off, “My beer is better cuz my alcoholic dad drank it when he beat me.” Please desist. You suck, your dad sucks (you), and the scary as continent you live on also sucks. The only thing aussie I could give two fucks about is Nicole Kidmann, and she can have as many fucks as she would please. And just to piss you off further, anyone and everyone would much rather be a kiwi anyways. fuck you later.
August 12th, 2009 at 12:47 am
Tairy Hesticles, of course people drink beer for the taste, and of course different beers taste different. If you only drink as a means of getting alcohol into your body, there’s something wrong with you. Basically what I am saying is that you are stupid and your opinions are stupid.
Regarding Heineken and other Dutch beers, the stuff you get in Holland actually tastes quite a lot better than the stuff brewed in the UK and Australia. I never liked Heineken before I started drinking imported cans. That’s probably true for the US brewed stuff as well.
August 11th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
Beer is beer. Do people really drink it for the taste? Lets be serious. If you quit drinking you don’t start drinking non-alcoholic beer.
With that said, Natty Light is the best for your money…….if you have no qualms about showing up to a party looking like a hobo.
August 3rd, 2009 at 10:13 am
Ewwww no matter what they call it Beer still looks like urine and smells like yeast.
No thanks I think I’ll just stick with Diet Coke and Dr. Pepper.
July 21st, 2009 at 10:41 am
In my opinion, Guinness is not the same here in the U.S. as it is in europe. There is a distinct difference in taste. “Euro-Guinness” is smoother with a much better finish. It must lose somthing in transit. Since I can’t afford to go to Europe every time I want a beer, I drink Wild Turkey 101, straight and in great quantity. Tremendous “what-the-hell-did-I-do-last-night?” buzz, without all that pissing cutting in on my drinking time.
July 20th, 2009 at 10:08 am
Buzz killington, your post actually DID make me want to pinch the bridge of my nose and heave a long-suffering sigh.
July 17th, 2009 at 9:00 pm
Hell, I don’t care what kinda’ beer it is, my Russian heritage tells me to drink Alcohol until the sun refuses to shine, and DAMN IT, I’m going to do just that.
July 2nd, 2009 at 9:34 am
I don’t like beer at all. It smells funky and tastes even funkier, (not that I would know, Mother, if you’re out there. Plus, I go to church. A lot.) The only alcohol I’ve found I could stomach is wine, though I’ve yet to hit the hard stuff. Wine is delicious, in small doses. (Larger doses usually turn into party time, the most awesome and destructive time of all.)
(Also, it would be batshit insane if any of my family read this. Bloody hilarious, but insane. Let us hope it never happens!)
June 30th, 2009 at 10:53 pm
Yuengling lager is my drink. It’s brewed by America’s oldest active brewery and comes out tasting delicious and smooth. Miller High Life was my beer back when I first graduated high school. It was the tastiest beer for the money, in my own opinion.
As for the beers listed above, I can’t help but point out that Coors in any form tastes like dish water. But if you absolutely must have color changing mountains on your label, what else can you do? And then there’s Guinness . . . the nastiest brew I have ever had. It’s a deceptive little bastard, too. It starts off so full of flavor and smooth as an 18 (16) year old hooker’s ass. Then it’s like that hooker mouthrapes you with that deceptively smooth ass and leaves last week’s meat loaf in the back of your throat . . . and you’re totally not into that (right?).
June 4th, 2009 at 7:09 pm
Smaugster, spoken like a true American!
June 4th, 2009 at 11:34 am
There’s a reason that it’s called “Miller High Life, The Champagne of Beers”. Because it is the best beer made in the USA.
Younger folks will go yuck, but what do they know? They swill bogus pretenders and cheap imatatioins.
What part of “High Life” dont you get?
May 14th, 2009 at 8:14 pm
Why do people always argue over which country has the best beer? Almost every country has great beer and crap beer, with the exception of Belgium which has no bad beer; although it’s sad the word Trappist only appears a few times here. Trappist Beers are the best, so I think. Brit, Aussie, and German run the gambit from disgusting and bland to heaven in a bottle. Finally to those who think there all no good American, you must never have heard of Stone, Rogue or Dog Fish Head.
May 4th, 2009 at 12:12 am
whats with the aussies badmouthing every other beer but their own? nothing makes a country’s beer better than anothers. and fosters sucks anyway
May 1st, 2009 at 6:34 am
If I see one more Guinness Extra Cold draft taps I swear to god someones getting punched. Guinness is served at room temp. ROOOOM TEMP! Also if anyone poors a shamrock into it with head I am not only morally but legally obligied to stab them in the eye with a fork, if one can not be found then a spork but a fork is preferable.
Side not sporks are awesome.
April 26th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
I quite liked a few of the beers in there actually..
But a can of warm tennants on a rainin friday night, nothing quite like it.
April 11th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
@Jessica - shut up jessica
March 4th, 2009 at 4:13 am
If you drink… Any Australian Beer Ever (except that crap that you guys have advertised since the 80s (no moron drinks that))
Reason your beer is better than that asshole’s:
A nation of binge-drinkers know how to brew their alco-life-milk.
Is my beer really better than that asshole’s?
Of course it is…you want to take on a nation of alchoholics? You want to take me on?! Come on!
February 7th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
Those beers mostly fucking blow, drink better beer.
January 20th, 2009 at 2:04 pm
I don’t much like Guinness anymore since visting the Porterhouse in Dublin. Their Wrasslers is the best I’ve had.
December 14th, 2008 at 9:54 pm
Jesus Christ people! American AND Canadian beer is shit. Come to Australia where it’s brewed properly.
December 8th, 2008 at 9:21 am
You forgot the dirt cheap beer of Baltimorons. Nasty Boh…I mean Natty Boh, National Bohemian.
December 1st, 2008 at 11:08 pm
i drank a beer once.
it was AWESOME
October 20th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
ordinarily i wouldn’t post on stuff like this.. but i read a comment below form some lad called ice biker or somethin like that saying he’s german and irish, and born in wisconsin.. i know it’s very unlikely he’ll read this.. but that makes you a yank lad! what a plank, i’m shitsick of seeing americans saying they’re irish.. after spending the last year in miami, cali, michigan, ny and wisconsin.. i wasn’t too impressed with their drinking “skills” as they put it.. fair enough they can down their shots, but pints? not a chance.. bottlejobs.. we drink a lot more on this side of the pond.. me nd the lads out-drank them all and we’re nowhere near being big drinkers here
oh and i’m born and raised in ireland.. so that makes me irish..
partial to carlsberg nd john smiths actually.. not a guinness fan.. love the murphys
October 17th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Patrick, favorite Belgian Beers:
1) Saint Bernardus Prior 10
2) Westmalle Quadrupel 12
3) Lindeman’s Framboise
October 17th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
Ah, Heineken most definitley a lager; bottom fermenting yeast, cool lagering temperature and all that. Techinically classified as Pale Euro Lager (and not a very good one).
http://beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/81/246
October 17th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
“The best beer would have to be Belgian. A country the size of Maryland that produces over 206 beers that are all better than any of those listed.”
True, but Cantillon IS Belgian, babe…..lol
October 14th, 2008 at 5:04 am
“i’m sure someone already said it, but heineken is an ale, not a lager.”
Well then you should tell Heineken to change their label, which says “Heineken Lager Beer”
October 10th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
Balls to american beer. It’s all pisswater to Eurpe. That tripe you call beer is a weak excuse for a lager. A Beer should be darker than your woman of choice, so that would be Ye Olde REAL Ale.
Also Cider kicks never-ending amouts of ass
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:52 pm
“In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria”
quote attributed to Ben Franklin
September 16th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
i’m sure someone already said it, but heineken is an ale, not a lager.
September 14th, 2008 at 6:11 pm
The best beer would have to be Belgian. A country the size of Maryland that produces over 206 beers that are all better than any of those listed. Kwak, Chimay, Leffe and the beer that has been rated the best in the world Wesvleteran. I would have to say they win. So if you are drinking one of those beers; yours is better than that asshole next to you.
September 12th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
Guinness is King of that shoddy list. MmmmmmMMMMMalty goodness.
September 10th, 2008 at 9:53 pm
I am so glad that I am not a beer snob. Give me a 30 pack of Busch, and I will enjoy it every bit as much as the expensive import drinkers while I figure out how to spend all of the money I’m saving.
It is so nice to try the pricey beers and discover that I like the cheap crap even more!
September 7th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
I agree on the fact that there are many good microbreweries in the USA, which I know because I lived in the States for a while.
But I found, that almost all the Macrobreweries are so watery that some really bad things can happen. It happened to me multiple times, that I got wasted without noticing it, because the Alcoholic beverage I was having had some 30%, but tasted like water.
If you want to drink a decent German beer that is sold in some your stores over there you can always go with the Weltenburger Kloster beer, which has the oldest dark beer brewed in the whole world (established 1050). Tastes not as strong as other beers, but has a very good overall taste.
My favourite MACRO-brewed beer is Becks cooled to a temprature so low that you almost have chunks of ice floating in it. (than it actually tastes good). Also the brewery is like next to my house (about 20 miles).
I could not count all the good beers from other countries like Belgium, Chzech Republic, Ireland and many more. But I still have the opinion, that Germany has the best Macro-beers. As long as you do not pick up Herforder or Haake Beck you will usually have a good beer in your hands. Although Herforder still tastes 10 times better than Budweiser and even Sam Adams.
September 7th, 2008 at 9:37 am
Damn, I wish I could bottle *my* piss and get this much attention out of it.
September 6th, 2008 at 5:29 am
Budweiser? Well, at least some of the Belgians like it…
http://wildwildeastdailies.blogspot.com/2008/07/belgian-prime-minister-quits-over.html
September 4th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
Every one of you so called “beer enthusiasts” has a lesson to learn about beer drinking. I can estimate that I have downed thousands upon thousands of drinks in my lifetime. My tastes change with how much money I have to spend, who I’m with or where I’m at. There are some truly horrible beers out there as well as some real fine ones; if you can call a beer ‘fine’. Drink a beer that you like, always cold, while not expecting to get drunk or buzzed and enjoy it alone or with friends. If a buzz is what you’re after, then save some time and money and go straight for the twist-off wine bottle or cheap liquor and drink ’till you shit your pants. Otherwise find a good beer and some good company and enjoy; to each his own - eat, drink and be merry. Salud!
September 4th, 2008 at 11:07 am
oh and to set the record straight, the English, nay the British, we drink to get completely w*nkered. job done. Well the honest ones do anyway!
September 4th, 2008 at 10:51 am
Blimey 12 Pack how on earth could you get norked on that Presidente? I as per every other poor s*d thats ever been to Dominican went all inclusive like you, all I can say is thank god for Brugal.
Abbott Ale, now theres a drink, lighter than stouts but brewed in such a way that defies rational explanation as to how it gets you so munted at only 5%.
September 4th, 2008 at 5:48 am
Ladies…gentlemen… I have read all 210 comments posted so far and I must say that my life is better for having done so.
Bud and Coors are the McDonald’s and Burger King of the beer world.
PBR ROCKS, though! Pabst Blue Ribbon is the In-And-Out Burger of my previous analogy. Had my first taste at the Double Down in Vegas one full moon night. It’s the flavor I will always associate with the memories of a fantastic night out!
It’s great that in the U.S. you’ve got so many choices from around the world and from domestic microbreweries. However, I consider myself blessed because I live in the Czech Republic. The only Czech beer that I have trouble with is Krusovice, but it might just be bad pipes at the pub where I’ve had it on tap.
Here’s a link to the first of a kick-ass series of ads for Budvar. These were shown on Czech TV and before movie trailers a couple of years back:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tT7UOacrUl4
Na Zdravi!
September 3rd, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Nobody can disagree that New Castle Brown Ale is the best beer that can be found in most beer stores. It’s flavorful, not overly carbonated, and tastes good at room temperature. Another good beer that’s a bit harder to find is Kostritzer Black Lager, the black beer with a blonde soul. It’s as dark as Guiness but not as heavy.
September 2nd, 2008 at 9:12 pm
What about Kokanee?
Don’t forget about the possibility of having the Glacier Girls hanging all over you in one of them drunken fantasies.
September 2nd, 2008 at 1:06 pm
While it’s true that the U.S. of A and many other places make some amazing craft brews, 1. They’re usually expensive, and 2. You often couldn’t drink them all day. I mean, I love Guinness or a great Lambic, but on a hot day outside, I can’t drink them all day. So…..what are the best “Lawnmower beers”? What are the best cheap beers that you could drink all day and they’d be refreshing, and they wouldn’t be too expensive? Votes?
September 1st, 2008 at 5:52 pm
lone star - por vida!
September 1st, 2008 at 2:24 am
Victoria beer is better than Corona, but Victoria is only available in Mexico
August 31st, 2008 at 3:54 pm
K, i was a little put off……… Sure he listed off alot of beer, but he left out the GREATEST beer ever made. Lucky Lager. But of course im a B.C. boy, everyone in my town swears by the stuff and so do I.
Mickies comes in a close second, but something tells me its an american beer anyhow. But who doesnt like getting hammered and solving the little puzzles under the cap. It gets better after the second case.
But im still a hard liquor man!!!!! Gin, Bitches!!!
August 31st, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Beer is good. Beer is nice. But LIGHT beer? I read this on a shirt, and totally agree: a light beer is like a bra on a clothesline: the best part is missing…
August 31st, 2008 at 7:32 am
Ok Ok ladies -let me take you to a world of pleasure - most mainstream beers in usa and canada are tastless - and the big brewers know this they are made as a mild drug delivery system for the masses with just enough flavour to make you think its beer - its a way of extracting the most money for the cheapest product - real beer is regional it can relate to the origin of its ingrediants - it should be honest and open about its content and ingreediants- go and find UK bears - made by - Shephard Neame the uks oldest brewery 1698 - and still in buisness - one bottle has more flavour and worth than 8 buds - realy realy - you do not know anything about beer untill you have tried it. - also check out CAMRA - the campain for real ale -
August 31st, 2008 at 4:50 am
The Sarge is Wrong!!! Aspells: Suffolk Cider is beautiful you should try it, Much better than Magners or Bulmers
August 31st, 2008 at 3:19 am
Why didn’t they include Cider’s?
But most of the cider you can buy is crap. Except in one place: it’s called Brandy Wharf in Lincolnshire, England.
It’s strong (seriously strong) and has sweet taste and you are totally drunk after 4 pints.
August 31st, 2008 at 12:19 am
Hey cool, check out all the beer geeks that showed up.
I didn’t go there in the article (it’s kind of a pointless argument really) but if I was actually interested in rating the countries by their beer-making, I’d have to place the Americans first. The craft and micro brewing movement started in the States in the 70’s and 80’s has been a renaissance for the beer world. Nearly all of my favorite beers are American craft or micro brews. The Belgians do make some fantastic beers as well, but I sometimes find them excessively malty and strong - I can never drink more than 1 or 2 of them at a time.
Regarding the Germans and the Czechs, they do make the best pilsners and lagers in the world. Pilsner Urquell is my benchmark for a great tasting lager.
I don’t drink enough bitters to form a qualified opinion of the English beer scene. Similarly with porters/stouts. I do like Guinness, but on the rare occasions when I have a porter/stout I usually go for the chocolate/coffee/vanilla tones you can find in other examples of the form.
The trip to San Francisco (& Portland) was fantastic. The GF and I ended up bringing home nearly 50 beers across the border. Particular favorites of the trip:
1) An IPA at the 21st Amendment in San Francisco. Forgot the name, but it was fantastic. A real punch-in-the-face-flavor-explosion West-Coast style IPA. Loved it.
2) Velvet Ale at the Rock Bottom in Portland. One of their specialty seasonal beers. Hoppy and smooth (it’s carbonated differently I think). Very very good.
3) Russian River Damnation Pale Ale. Another strong, hoppy pale ale (detecting a pattern yet?) Also delicious.
August 30th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
Got to enjoy a couple of Coronas after a long day of moving, filling and stacking literally hundreds of 30-40 lb boxes and boy is Corona a great beer to enjoy while in the bright sunshine. Truer words have never been typed, I tell you what.
August 30th, 2008 at 9:20 pm
“People from Wisconsin can DRINK”
A truer fact has not been stated in these comments. Everyone I have met from Wisconsin and that has been a fair number, can drink like hell.
August 30th, 2008 at 9:20 pm
I prefer stouts, porters, and the occasional ale (proper)…and I agree..Guinness is good, but it is the
Edgar Allen Poe of beers….good enough, but known only by those who seek to be “cool” and “hip”..but
wouldn’t know any other good beers/poets to save their lives.
Btw…I prefer Anchor Porter over most.
August 30th, 2008 at 9:05 pm
Holy crap. Come to NYC and I’ll take you to a bar that just serves dozens and dozens of American craft and micro brews. After that, if you can still tell me that American beers aren’t as good as other countries’ I’ll shut my mouth and respect your opinion.
August 30th, 2008 at 8:59 pm
There are hundreds of great craft brews made in America but since many of us are mindless drones and drink whatever we see advertised on tv we for the most part drink the worst mass-produced beers this country has to offer (Budweiser, Miller Light, Coors Light). I have sampled beers from many European countries, and although many of them are great, American craft breweries are making beer that is just as good if not better. Saying that American beer is no good simply means that you know nothing about beer or you just want to sound cultured - which you are not.
August 30th, 2008 at 8:34 pm
Being German, and Irish, and born in Wisconsin, I would say that I have an undeniable right to say a few things about beer and drinking.
The Wisconsin Badgers proved that only Wisconsin can drink Pasedena dry. In Phoenix they had to sell the stuff directly off the trucks because the beer stands in the stadiums did not hold enough beer. They had to order an emergency shipment from Coors. People from Wisconsin can DRINK. Sometimes it is unfortunate, but wow. I was shocked when in Indiana I could not buy beer on Sunday. And the beer stores closed at 6pm. Blasphemy.
However, being German and Irish is a problem because I only want to take over the world when I’m drunk!
August 30th, 2008 at 8:15 pm
Belgian beer should be 2 feet above german
August 30th, 2008 at 8:13 pm
THE DEFINITIVE LADDER OF BEER QUALITY
Germany
Holland
Australia
UK
Canada
Japan
Mexico
India
Singapore
Brazil
China
USA
France
August 30th, 2008 at 7:55 pm
Here is a disclaimer:
For those young (college, high school, babies, etc.) beer drinkers, don’t go running out to find the best beers. That’s something you do later in life. Drink Natty. Trust me, you start drinking “good beers”, you will always (read: ALWAYS) be the designated drivers in your parties to come.
August 30th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
James FTW!!!!!!
August 30th, 2008 at 6:25 pm
You want to know what beer I think tastes the best?
Of course not. Just like I don’t want to know what you think. I’ll drink my beer as I please and not give a damn about anyone else’s opinion on the subject.
That’s how the real beer drinkers drink.
August 30th, 2008 at 6:14 pm
I like Belgian beers: Orval, Chimay, La Chouffe
and local beers: Unibroue 1837 and Dieu du Ciel
August 30th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
“young men who think hardened Midwestern alcoholism is “hilarious.”
its almost like you know me…
August 30th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
Boulevard Irish Ale & Pale Ale! WIN!
August 30th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
Izzyboy, it’s a beer not an Olympic swimmer, the fuck cares about how many medals it’s won?
The important factor is, can you guzzle 10 of them when faced in a drinking contest with a rival sports team?
August 30th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
OH AND HOW COULD I FORGET OMMEGANG. Rare Vos was the first craft beer I ever tried, and their Hennipen is the absolute PERFECT summer beer. I love Ommegang so much
August 30th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
As someone who works in a restaurant that ONLY serves micros and craft beers, I always get really annoyed when people hate on American beer because the average consumer is only made aware of the mass-produced crap. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good Belgian and German beer (Lucifer is a god-send) but most American microbreweries and brew pups have some of the best beer around. I’m lucky enough to live in Philadelphia, which is among the best beer cities in America so I’m constantly able to be exposed to great American beers.
If you get a chance, try these brewers:
1. Bells - Their Double Cream Stout is super thick but sweet. Their 2-Hearted Ale is an IPA and is actually the first IPA I liked. Not super hoppy, but definitely not for the average beer drinker.
2. Founders - Devil Dancer is a dark amber triple IPA (yummm, hops galore!) with a nice malty body. It’s superduper strong (it registers at 13% ABV) and expensive, but worth ever drop. If you’re not into beer that tastes like beer they’re making a limited edition called Rubeus, which is infused with raspberries. It’s delicious and tastes like raspberry soda.
3. Legacy - Euphoria is FANTASTIC. It’s a light, but strong, golden ale with a nice citrus-y body to it. They also have a brew called Midnight Wit, which you Hoegaarden drinkers will enjoy
4. Dogfish Head - Oh man, I can talk about these guys for hours just in terms of how adventurous they are. My absolute favorite is Midas Touch, which is brewed according to how Aztec’s brewed their alcohol. It’s similar to mead, and very tasty. They also made a 60 minute, 90 minute, and 120 minute IPA. The 90 minute is my favorite because it’s strong and on the hoppy side, but the 60 minute is a beer for everyone. Also, in case you ever have an extra $15-$20 on you, check out their Raison D’Extra, which is set at 18+% ABV(although it’s bottle conditioned so it’s really at like 21% ABV)
5. Lagunitas - One of my favorite breweries ever. The Maximus IPA is a fantastic double IPA. Super malty but not as bitter as something like Victory Hop Devil (I’ll get to that later). Their winter brews are my favorite, such as the Brown Shugga. It’s strong and sweet and malty and warms the soul. Their late-winter brew, the Hairy Eyeball, is very similar. My favorite recent discovery is their Sirius, which is a cream pale all. VERY smooth.
6. Victory - A really great PA brewery. They make a really sold pils called the Prima Pils, which is a beer I recommend to people new to crafts. They also make a really good Belgian-style triple called Golden Monkey. It’s strong (9% ABV) so you can drink 3 or 4 and get really fucked up. It’s awesome
7. Stoudts - Another good PA brewery. Their Double IPA is my current favorite beer. They also make a really good and drinkable Pale ale. Everyone likes it.
OK I’m done. That was way too long-winded, although I could pretty much talk about beer for hours on end. I lovelovelove it.
August 30th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
I’ll cast my vote for Hoegarten, Stella or Blue Moon. I’ve been known to have a Natty or Busch too. I was in Paris when I had the best beer I EVAR had was a Belgian ale that came in a bottle with a cork. I thought the guy was giving me a bottle of wine. I don’t know what it was called, but woooo was it good. Made me an instant fan of the monks who toiled over this wonderful brew. Heinekin in Amsterdam is pretty good but I can’t stand it back in the good ole USA.
August 30th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
All these dicks making fun of American beer are just jealous of how many medals it has won this year. Japan won a lot of medals this year too. There is delicious fucking beer here. So much of it I can’t even describe it. Bud is apparently German now or something too.
August 30th, 2008 at 11:28 am
And you should have made fun of people who buy STELLA ARTOIS. Here in Silicon Valley, that shit is the rich-douche beer of choice– but seriously how the fuck could you leave out Spaten? My fam owned a brewery in Ohio for over a century, and I was taught since before I was done breast feeding that Spaten is the most glorious beer on all of this good green earth. It was in my fucking sippy cups
August 30th, 2008 at 11:22 am
Burkhardt
August 30th, 2008 at 11:21 am
SPATEN
August 30th, 2008 at 10:58 am
I’m German-American, and my grandfather was straight up Old School German. When he got to America, he drank everything, and eventually decided that Shiner Bock was the closest thing to German beer in America. Shiner Bock, room temperature, out of a huge stein.
August 30th, 2008 at 10:39 am
I thinks it’s funny that everyone discredits Americans regarding their ability to drink. These are the same people who continue to call our entire country excessive and fat (it’s true, but don’t act like your country doesn’t have fat people). We ARE excessive, excessive as fuck. Have you ever been to the US? Shit, have you ever been to the portion of the US called the Mid-west? I grew up there (not my choice) and I have to tell you that all those fucking people are crazy and there are plenty of them there that will out drink any one of us. There are people there with drinking abilities that you can’t even begin to fathom, not even in your most hideous nightmares. I saw a man drink a pint of Guinness with two shots of Irish whiskey on top in 1.14 seconds. He did this with a smile on his face. I spoke with him after and he told me that he had the ability to consume enough alcohol in 3 minutes to kill himself via alcohol poisoning. That’s awesome. My point is: The US can drink. It’s what we do, we’re excessive and we will out drink you.
August 30th, 2008 at 10:34 am
Does anyone else remember their past in terms of the beer they drank then?
MILWAUKEE’S BEST: Poor teenager
OLD PECULIER (sic): Overseas, liked the name
EXPENSIVE IMPORTS AND MICROBREWS: Years when I’m doing well and want people to think I’m middle-class
PBR: Dirt poor, bought just so that bartenders wouldn’t hate me for freeloading when I went to bars to see bands, supplemented by a hidden flask of cheap vodka. Usually surrounded by hipsters drinking the same. 2006 was a PBR year. Christmas sucked and I had to sell some of my comics.
SHINER BOCK: Comfortable but frugal years.
COLT 45: Poor, wanted to be like Billy D. I quit when I got a beer belly after a month, which freaked me out because fat always goes to my boobs and butt first.
As for Foster’s, mentioned by other comments: When I worked at a backpacker’s hostel, Australian women were infamous for being unapologetically slutty (unlike American women, who were slutty but pretended they weren’t): We had a joke based on the Foster’s commercial.
“What’s this?” (make blowjob motion with tongue pushing cheek) “Australian for hello.”
August 30th, 2008 at 9:19 am
I contend that Icelanders can hold their own at any type of competitve or distance drinking.
August 30th, 2008 at 6:17 am
If you ever come to Germany or Poland, you have to try Beck’s Gold, Frühkölsch and Kristallweizen, these three beers are some of the greatest ever made. In Poland you have to try Lech, Tyskie, Zywiec and Warka, but beware, polish beers are usually a little bit stronger than german. My favorite beer is “Warka STRONG”, a (you guessed it) stronger version of Warka (four of them and you’re going down). And to the above comment of Janski: No, Tyskie doesn’t mean Germany in Polish, it’s the name of the city where they brew it. Have fun and remember: First drink, then drive!
August 30th, 2008 at 5:17 am
british is even better than your tap water excuse for beer,we drink stella artois 5.2%,special brew 9%,skol super strength 9%,till the cows come home
August 30th, 2008 at 3:33 am
What? No Red Stripe?
August 30th, 2008 at 3:21 am
this should be followed by an A.A. Meeting you damn winos get a job
August 30th, 2008 at 3:04 am
What’s that shitty Australian beer that they have to export because nobody in Australia will drink it?
August 30th, 2008 at 2:28 am
I live about 10 minutes away from the Sierra Nevada brewery and they have better beers than the Pale Ale. Sadly my favorite, Blonde, is not yet being bottled but you can order it in their in-house restaurant (The Taproom) and some of the local bars here carry it, most notably The Graduate. If you ever get the chance to try it by all means do so.
August 30th, 2008 at 2:08 am
@Janski - Tyskie does not mean Germany in polish, Tyskie means something like “from Tychy” Tychy is a city in southern Poland.
August 30th, 2008 at 1:24 am
Try to keep up, American beer is awesome.
August 30th, 2008 at 12:46 am
OK, Honduras may not be on top of the world financially but they’ve got beer and cigars covered. Port Royal and Salva Vida laugh in the face of nasty ass German/American/Canadian/British/Irish beer.
August 30th, 2008 at 12:28 am
Pamcakes, if it’s US opinion that Foster’s is Australian for beer, maybe it’s because THAT IS HOW FOSTER’S ITSELF ADVERTISES.
Also, way too many commenters fail to understand how excellent American beer is. Victory was only mentioned like twice! Despite the refutations offered, people still stereotype American beer. Uh, we have plenty of excellent beers, Europe, stop being so pretentious and stupid.
August 29th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
I’ll tell you one thing, living near Vermont ROCKS for beer drinkers. We’ve got dirt cheap Magic Hat, Wolavers, Harpoon, Long Trail, Switchback and Otter Creek. In upstate N.Y., we’ve got Saranac and Ommegang. Paradise, my friends, paradise.
August 29th, 2008 at 11:20 pm
Boozetown: Now, as an American. I drink Vodka. I drink American Vodka. You know it’s like seven bucks for a Liter and it comes in a plastic jug? I will out drink any Irish man.
You are my kind of drinker. Ralph’s brand “premium” vodka? Doesn’t get any cheaper than that, my man. Gotta love those plastic jugs, too. They don’t shatter when you knock ‘em off the table in a drunken stupor. Also, you gotta go for the 1.7 liter bottles. $9.99 with your Ralph’s Club Card.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:51 pm
Grain belt Premium is my beer of choice. It’s not just a beer of exceptional quality, it’s -the- beer of exceptional quality. Pabst is ok too, but in the morning you’d swear you were drinking turpentine all night.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
Nice endorsement of Guinness. The only one you didn’t shit all over, and it’s pretty much the best of the bunch. You sir, are truly an alcoholic’s alcoholic.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
Shiner bock is like mana from heaven.
August 29th, 2008 at 9:05 pm
I normally drink liquor. On beer related manners sometimes I dig Spaten Optimator & Chimay. @ home I mainly drink Shiner, @ the bar if it’s not liquor I drink Pabst/whatever is cheap. I also like Guinness. I had a Guinness vanilla ice-cream float 1 time, damndest thing, it was pretty good (I was skeptical). I mainly stick to Gin & Tonic, Whiskey (I am very unsophisticated-NEVER Scotch), Tequila shots. On rare occasions Royal Fucks, &/or Tuaca either up or as a lemondrop (only as a shot). Oh, & I’ll drink anything that’s cheap as I like drinking. Some have said I’m an alcoholic but I just call them pussies. This can get ugly when I’m picking up my kids from soccer practice on the way home from the bar but the little shits need to stop being so judgemental and preachy.
August 29th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
Now, as an American. I drink Vodka. I drink American Vodka. You know it’s like seven bucks for a Liter and it comes in a plastic jug? I will out drink any Irish man.
As far as beer goes, whatever I think Bud Light is a classy, sophisticated taste.
I may also be retarded.. I enjoy it either way.
August 29th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
boy the non-americans here are really thinking highly of themselves arnt they. I’ll bet none of you have had a mcmenamens brew, have you it tastes a lot better than certain limey beers i know of. However most irish beers are an exception to that rule. Still gotta love the micro brews none of which exhibit the “weakness” of american beers but then i live in oregon a place known for good beer maybe things are different out east.
August 29th, 2008 at 7:59 pm
I’m actually drinking a pint can of PBR right now in Kansas. I probably buy more PBR than any other beer. I love many, many beers, but I don’t want to spend $8 on a six pack of 12oz bottles every evening after work when I could spend $4 on six pint cans o PBR. If I were a a six pack, I’d be an $8 six pack, but I would fantasize about making sexy beer love to the six pack of PBR. I’d try to have a clandestine sexual relationship with the six pack of PBR, and hope somehow our clandestine beerlove-child offspring more advanced by evolution than either it’s parents….
August 29th, 2008 at 7:51 pm
@ Homebrew42 - I should have made it more clear I wasn’t agreeing that American beers are shitty, but was nodding to many of the previous commenters’ consensus.
Some of my favorite beers are American, including a few from some local breweries here in Orlando.
August 29th, 2008 at 7:07 pm
I am surprised there was no mention to Unibroue anywhere on the article.
I’m fairly confident in saying they probably produce some of the best beers in the world. I live in South America and like them over some belgian and german ones. (Well In general I’m a sucker for belgian-style ales)
We’ve got some very awesome beer here in Chile as of late, but there’s not so much variety, most brands just do the same varieties so it’s pretty much “This is better, this is worse”
We got a great Stout, though. If you ever get a chance to try a Szot Stout, go for it.
August 29th, 2008 at 6:58 pm
In my opinion the following is an excellent example of fine crafted American microbrew
Harpoon uFo unfiltered wheat is awesome, along with the Raspberry wheat. Give them a try.
As far as Mexican beers go Tecate, and Bohemia are two excellent brews from south of the border. English Ales…where to begin. Bass and Newcastle are my two favorites, but recently I tried Wychwood Ales and some of them are awesome. As Irish ales go Murphy’s is a excellent stout along with Beamish, but nothing touches a Harp and Guinness Black and Tan. Not much on German beers…Weistephaner unfiltered is pretty good and St. Pauli dark is rather tasty. The only Italian beer I have tried is Peroni and I loved it
There are only two American macrobrew that are worth a damn and those are Michelob and Sam Adams. Also try a brew from the Bahamas called Kliq…good stuff and Imperial from Costa Rica
August 29th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
If I’m buying at the store it’s either Boddingtons, Blue Moon, Hoegaarden or Model Negro. Guinness once in a while.
August 29th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
Just an FYI - the phrase Life’s too short to drink cheap beer is on Warsteiner. Drinkable but not the best. My personal favorite German beer is Paulaner Doppelbock. I’m also very partial to Pacifico, Guinness, Harps and yes I am also the sick bastard that occasionally will drink Fosters green or blue. I also like Moosehead and Sam Adams - except that vile cranberry shit. If you are on the East Coast or in CA look for beers from the Victory Brewing Company of PA. They make some fantastic beers - Golden Monkey and Storm King are both very tasty 1 is a pale ale and the other is a stout far superior to Guinness IMO. I do also find it necessary to support your local breweries, fortunately here in AZ we have some good ones. Kiltlifter from Four Peaks brewing company and Old Monkeyshines from Nimbus brewing company are both top notch beverages with above average content. Best snack in the world while watching sports - chunky chips ahoy cookies and whatever beer is handy.
August 29th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
Biermann Says: best beer is…German. If you really want to know what a GOOD brew is, go to Europe and order a German “Jever” or “Flensbuger Pilsener”.
WAIT WHAT!?
I agree that Germany is the best beer brewing land in the world, but Jever is not one of the best beers.
Actually it’s shit, on par with Tuborg(you know, the shitty beer from Denmark)
You should rather try Holsten and/or Köstriβer schwärzbier, Flensbuger Pilsner is a good beer though.
August 29th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
KingHippo Says:
“…If you’re ever in England and find a Samuel Smith’s pub, go in and try the beer and the cider…”
Can someone from the U.K. elaborate on this? Is there a special relationship between the brewers/brand and a particular pub? Like, the pub on the left has an exclusive relationship with Guiness, and can only sell Guiness, while the one on the right only sells XXX? I thought I heard something like this, but it doesn’t make sense. Can’t you guys go into a pub and have a selection of different beers?
I noticed this because of the mention of Samuel Smith. The “Nut Brown Ale” is a bit more expensive per bottle (would probably equal a 12-pack of Pabst), but it is WONDERFUL!
August 29th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
Nastro Azzuro the only lager you can drink 1 of and be satisfied (like having an angel p*ss on your tonsils)
August 29th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
My favorite beer is…..the 8th one!
August 29th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
This Boston girl takes special pride in some of our local brews, Boston Beer Works, which has the special bene of having a baseball park within stumbling distance. So many beers, such a short span to drink them. The best beer I ever tasted came from the now closed Hartford Brewery. Sam Adams was better before Jim sold out and became a big fish in a small pond.
We also have the Sunset bar and grill. Proudly serving just about every beer on the planet and then some. Mostly visited by locals, and the occasional bar crawl. http://www.allstonsfinest.com/
Growing my own hops again, maybe next year I can start brewing my own beer - again.
August 29th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
kingmonkey i think i have a better name for your “beer-off”…
BEERFEST!
August 29th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
Hard liquor is what you drink when you’re 14 and in the basement because you can take it from your parents cabinet. I drink beer for the taste, the drunkenness is just a bonus. And I could pound some serious whiskey if I wanted to, trust me.
August 29th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
As a loyal drinker of PBR (in a can of course, because it tastes like shit when bottle…wait… it tastes like shit anway) I can honestly say you don’t drink it for the taste.
August 29th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
First and foremost, if you are going to argue about how beer tastes then you are the Josh Groban of Douchebags. Beer of any nationality is for when you’re 14 and and drinking in the basement. As an American who can out drink any Irishman - I live in SF and I’ll you out any day, I challenge you to leave the beer behind and pick up some hard liquor. Then we can talk.
August 29th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
[...] Check out this hillarious article on cracked.com [...]
August 29th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
Victory is among the cream of the crop for American Microbrews.
August 29th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
I consider myself a fairly well-versed beer drinker. Tops in my book:
Cumberland Breweries (a local brewpub in Louisville), BBC (Bluegrass Brewing Company, Louisville’s bigger brewery), Stone (particularly the Ruination — amazing hops!), Bells (yummy Oberon if you want a fruity undertone, or the Hopslam to get delicious hoppy goodness with a dab of honey undertones), Flying Dog (Gonzo Porter, baby!), Dogfish Head (most of them), Sierra Nevada (a staple for the hops lover), Unibroue (very unique stuff here).
However, if I’m feeling cheap or can’t afford the good stuff, I’ve found Miller High Life to be crisp, cheap, and refreshing (it’s got such a weak flavor that it almost _is_ like water, but in a way that appeals to me far more than Budweiser, Corona, Pabst, Natty Ice, and all the other crappy major domestic brews).
August 29th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
European beers that are exported to America are generally brewed weaker for the American market. I’d hate to think what would happen if Americans ever took to drinking Stella Artois (also known as ‘Wife Beater’ in England) in any great quantity, there would certainly be a hell of a lot more shootings….
August 29th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
Actually, In-Bev is Belgium-Brazilian.
August 29th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
@Homebrew42: Ah, good to see a fellow homebrewer. I think part of American beer taking on the lighter taste also has a lot to do with the fact that corn and rice adjuncts are a lot cheaper than malted barley, and came into prominent use during prohibition as well. You do have to give these guys some respect as they can brew a drinkable beer from sub-par ingredients.
August 29th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
American Light Macro Lagers suck.
Good American Craft beer is a whole ‘nother story. I’ll take a 60 Minute IPA from Dogfish Head, or a Ruination DIPA from Stone, or a Bell’s Two Hearted, Contorter Porter from Ale Asylum, Three Feet Deep from Furthermore. How about something from Flying Dog or New Glarus?
The list of really good American beer is nearly endless (Three Floyds, Goose Island) and when you get into some of the brewpubs that brew their own beer you’ve a whole ‘nother level of awesome beers to tap into.
Comparing Canadian Macro Lagers to American Macro Lagers is futile.
August 29th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Brahma - yes
Super bock - yes
Cobra - hell yes
Tsing Tao - no! Fuck no!
August 29th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
any beer not from the British Isles is like making love in a canoe, Bloody close to water!
August 29th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Yes! Red Stripe! that beer is awesome, and it’s always on offer. Oh and the cans are bigger!
Relax mon, have a red stripe…
August 29th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
What’s wrong with milk, i like milk. (and cider)
August 29th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Forgot to mention Brahma, a good Brazilian beer, Super Bock from Portugal, Cobra from India or Tsing Tao, which is a Chinese lager made from rice, those damn Communists sure know how to brew!
August 29th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Hmm, Carlton Cold Filtered is a good Australian beer. . . nothing like the dreaded Fosters!
As for European beer, Czech lager is the best, try Budvar or Tsecjki.
And americans shouldn’t talk about guinness, I live 20 miles from Dublin, so I know about good Guinness, oh yessss. . . .
August 29th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
I don’t think I’m allowed to talk since I’ve drinken my share (and many others shares, as well) of King Cobra, Steel Reserve and Magnum 40’s, but American is definitely not my favorite. It’s too light in flavor and I like to be able to taste my beer. Likewise, most European beer is way too heavy for me (Guiness - Chew your beer).
For my money, I enjoy most Mexican beers. They have a good, even taste and are for the most part extremely refreshing. Tecate is great and Modelo isn’t too bad so long as you drink it cold.
August 29th, 2008 at 11:58 am
i personally live in the west coast and i have two words for you, micro brewery.
August 29th, 2008 at 11:40 am
@kluzje: Westmalle 12 has the potential to do that as well
August 29th, 2008 at 11:33 am
GEOFF LEPPARD–When you’re 18 and in a foreign land simply because it’s sunny and the legal drinking age is 17, you’re probably not going to waste any time NOT drinking. These were actually the only reasons that I went on the trip, and because the resort was all inclusive I also made sure to raise my tolerance as high as possible before we left so I could get my money’s worth from the trip.
I actually had to quit drinking for 2 weeks when I got home so I could get drunk on beer again. The welcome home party for me lasted all night and I just got full. That’s depressing to have happen…
August 29th, 2008 at 11:27 am
What!?@!
You forgot “The Champagne of Beers” Miller High Life
Served well chilled, it is the Best beer ever ’cause it smacks East and West coast snobs and elites in the face. F them all. A real man knows his beer and knows that beer doesn’t matter after the first 6-pack anyway. Any beer “designed” after 1980 is for pussies.
High Life …. preferably in 32oz bottles. Hey, mines bigger!
August 29th, 2008 at 11:19 am
Kenneth: “that’s a matter of getting used to
Duvel (33cl, 8,5%) for example, the first time you drink it you’re likely to shit yourself. But drink them more often and you can keep 3 a night. NEVER EVER try 4 though, you will not just shit yourself but most of your surroundings as well.”
:D!!!!!
Try having 10 Rocheforts - that WILL land you under the table… or kneeling to the porcelain god…
Belgian Trappist beers are the best.
August 29th, 2008 at 11:00 am
Also forgot to add.
American beer != shitty. America is considered to be the leader in craft brewing and extreme brewing world wide.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:57 am
[quote]Actually Rogue1stclass, the reason American beer is the way it is (shitty) is because of World War 2.
When the men were away fighting in Europe, and women were left behind to run the factories and basically the country, brewers realized they weren’t selling anywhere near as much beer as they used to, and the beer they were selling was the much lighter, pilsner-derived versions. So that’s what they started brewing, and that’s what the Rosie the Riveters drank.
When the men came back they were so glad to be home (you know, from a war) they somehow didn’t notice the difference and also associated the taste of the new beer with America, and being home. [/quote]
–> actually that only about 1/2 right. It mostly has to do with the fact that only a few breweries survived prohibition becasue they were able to switch their large scale production facilities over to canning goods instead of brewing beer. These breweries happened to by in large produce beers in the style of Budwiser (American Pils, ect) Thus once prohibition ended they were the first beers widely available and widely distributed, consequently making them what the WWII generation grew up on.
The more you know ^^.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:55 am
No body mentioned Three Floyds? (I guess… I couldn’t read ALL of those). Indiana (of all places) microbrewery. Makes Dreadnoght, which is arguably the most kick ass beer ever made.
Both in taste and ABV….
August 29th, 2008 at 10:55 am
ode to my beer:
“though i roam far and wide
taste beer from many a land
always though, a party means a banks * in my hand!”
* banks beer - brewed in guyana and barbados - best from the tap or glass bottle - stay away from the plastic encased crap!
August 29th, 2008 at 10:47 am
I’m from Holland and by far the best beer over here is Hertog Jan (Duke John), made by the InBev company from Belgium. It really is the best I ever had. Blows Heineken right out the water. FYI Heineken doesn’t taste the same in Holland as it does in America which makes perfect sense ofcourse but in the USA it really is a lot worse then in Holland…
August 29th, 2008 at 10:46 am
You don’t drink beer because it tastes good, you drink it cos wine is too girly and whiskey is too manly
August 29th, 2008 at 10:34 am
Nothing starts arguments like beer preference. I like Old Leghumper from the Thirsty Dog Brewery for a porter. Fat Tire is a decent Belgian Ale. The beer that I first snuck out of my dad’s fridge as a young lad was Falls City, which I thought was decent. But let’s face it… nothing tastes better after a long hot Harley ride than Pabst Blue Ribbon. You can drink a 12 pack and still manage to kickstart an Ironhead… most of the time.
Oh and hands down the worst beer ever: fucking Meister Brau. That piss tastes like they sent a team of roving brewers to find the rustiest wells to pull their water from. I remember being 18 and we scraped together $7 in change to buy a case of that shit. We all got happy, cracked open our first of the night, and…… called it a night before we even cracked open a second. If you can repulse 4 underage drinkers with the first beer, then that shit is RANK.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:34 am
I’m in Canada and I have no problems admitting that Bud is much better than Blue. Canadian is on par with Bud, but neither blows the other away. But Blue… damn, that stuff is shite.
In the end, beer is so expensive here in Ontario due to price fixing (50-100% more than in NY, MI, OH for example) that if I drank anything more expensive than Bud or Canadian I’d have to start taking out loans.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:16 am
@Seymour Totti: Belgian beers to strong to drink a lot?
That’s a matter of getting used to
Duvel (33cl, 8,5%) for example, the first time you drink it you’re likely to shit yourself. But drink them more often and you can keep 3 a night. NEVER EVER try 4 though, you will not just shit yourself but most of your surroundings as well.
Best Belgian beer ever imho is Op-Ale. A local brew, 5,5% and originally brewed in 1832. You can only find it in a small region of Belgium (and one bar in the Netherlands :P)
August 29th, 2008 at 10:15 am
Also in agreement with KingHippo, I fully endorse the Samuel Smiths freehouses, The Bricklayers Arms off Tottenham Court Road is nice.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:13 am
12 pack nice points but its spelled busch!
August 29th, 2008 at 10:13 am
The best lager is from Poland, the best bitter is from England and the best stout is from Ireland. I guess bitter is not exactly a super popular choice these days but I tells ya, there’s nowt like a packet of pork scratchings with a couple of pints of bitter of an afternoon (I’m not sure if you get proper pork scratchings on the wrong side of the Atlantic though).
August 29th, 2008 at 10:11 am
i live in evgland and the best beer i have ever drank is Samuel Smiths Alpine Lager don’t know what is says about me but it is goddamn awesome if your ever in england and find a samuel smith’s pub go in and try the beer and the cider
August 29th, 2008 at 10:11 am
Arguing Canadian Beer vs American Beer is like arguing herpes vs. genital warts. Stop drinking shitty beer.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:04 am
see, Pbr, you got it right… it is hilarious to be a hardened midwestern alcoholic. except that not only men drink beer.
That’s right. I chug beer and I’m a chick.
PBR is cool cuz you can teen-wolf it. I don’t think you could teen wolf any of those other beers because they’re in bottles. Unless you’re just that badass.
My problem is I can’t quit drinking.
I drink all kinds of beer and all the beer all the time. and whiskey and rum.
August 29th, 2008 at 9:57 am
Canadian Beer isn’t all better than American beer. That being said, its often stronger (especially in la belle province du Quebec), and we drink copious amounts of it regularly. Molson Canadian is junk, but its dirt cheap and comes in 28 packs. There are lots of good micro brews, on both sides of the border. Guinness is the way to go, unless you can find some Sam Smith’s Original Oatmeal Stout.
August 29th, 2008 at 9:54 am
Actually Rogue1stclass, the reason American beer is the way it is (shitty) is because of World War 2.
When the men were away fighting in Europe, and women were left behind to run the factories and basically the country, brewers realized they weren’t selling anywhere near as much beer as they used to, and the beer they were selling was the much lighter, pilsner-derived versions. So that’s what they started brewing, and that’s what the Rosie the Riveters drank.
When the men came back they were so glad to be home (you know, from a war) they somehow didn’t notice the difference and also associated the taste of the new beer with America, and being home.
This is from Charlie Papazian’s ‘Complete Joy of Homebrewing’ 3rd Edition. (I also homebrew, and purport to be better than everyone else).
August 29th, 2008 at 9:53 am
How about Delirium Tremens or Nocturum? Sure they are Belgium beers but they are sold in America and no one can deny pink elephants and dancing alligators, Beat that Canada!!!
August 29th, 2008 at 9:46 am
I’m Canadian, and Molson fucking sucks. But I don’t know how you think it tastes like Budweiser. Budweiser tastes like water, and Molson tastes more like a Donkey’s asshole. Still, I don’t mind the taste of bud since it has no goddamn taste. I don’t know if you get it in the states, but Moosehead is the way to go. They’ve got at least 6 beers that are awesome.
August 29th, 2008 at 9:36 am
Beer, whiskey, and gin, and sometimes wine. That’s all you need.
August 29th, 2008 at 9:30 am
When you’re in New New York, try some Slurm!
August 29th, 2008 at 9:30 am
@Byron: I see you’re a Stone fan. Are you an Arrogant Bastard or what?
August 29th, 2008 at 9:28 am
Dogfish Head is awesome! It make me proud to have been a Delaware resident for those two years of my life. The food at the brewery is excellent too. If you ever end up in Lewes or Rehoboth, check it out.
August 29th, 2008 at 9:27 am
“nobody can catch up to the Irish in drinking.” False.
Almost ALL of the Balkan countries, Italy, Albania, Greece, etc. Could do backflips over irelands drinking.
If you don’t believe me I’ll prove it, We drink a 24 of vodka not beer, and I’m not talking about coolers.
August 29th, 2008 at 9:27 am
I prefer Duff when I’m in Springfield, and Fudd when I’m in Shelbyville (The Shelbyville in Spittle County).
August 29th, 2008 at 9:25 am
Dogfish Head 120-Minute IPA… a sweet microbatch… let it age for a year and its 40-proof… a bit pricey, though… $8/bottle last time I checked… or go with Sam Adam’s Utopia… like $100/bottle… but its not all that, imho.
August 29th, 2008 at 9:25 am
Anyone who thinks American beer sucks needs to explore beyond Bud/Coors/Miller. The U.S. microbrew and craft brew scene is incredible and has seen enormous growth over the past decade. (They’re a little too heavy on IPAs, in my opinion, but many do them well.) Try something by Three Floyds, New Amsterdam, Full Sail, Rogue, Allagash, Stone, Dogfish Head, Harpoon or Anchor.
God, I love beer.
August 29th, 2008 at 9:19 am
Uh, San Miguel is made in the Phillipines. They did not have a lot of control over the alcohol content, so one 6pk would knock you out, and the next would be like drinking Coors.
Miller High Life, That’s a name for a beer! It’s all I drink at home, and at the bar it’s draft lite.
Lite? Ack! Well, it is just after work, and it’s really like a sports drink. Hydration is important.
Canada has an Extra Old Stout that is not exported . Reminds me of the original Schlitz Brown Label. Hoping to get some of the new Schlitz when a friend gets to Millwaukee.
Crafts are nice but but you cannot sustain yourself on bitter brews. Wheats! Bleah!
A Beamish! Ah, the hunt is on, must find now.
Sam Adams started out interesting, but is now a left-on-shelf-too-long swill.
Harp, McEwin’s, gooood. It’s beer’o clock now, so cheers!
August 29th, 2008 at 9:19 am
prefer vodka
August 29th, 2008 at 9:08 am
American breweries also do an excellent job if you’re into the microbrews at all. I’m not talking about the cheap piss most people drink here.
August 29th, 2008 at 9:07 am
Australian beer? That stuff is piss. German and Belgian beers by far surpass most others. I’ll give it to the Czechs as well for pioneering the beloved pilsner with Pilsner Urquell (still the best example of the style to this day).
August 29th, 2008 at 8:55 am
*ever to be mass manufactured
August 29th, 2008 at 8:54 am
I disagree with everyone on what the worst beer to be mass manufactured is (homemade beer that didn’t quite come out as planned doesn’t count). The worst beer is Natty Ice.
August 29th, 2008 at 8:34 am
What about Presidente (Dominican), Red Stripe (Jamaica) and Blue Dawg (?). The last one is blue berry beer. Each burp is like eating a blue berry pie.
August 29th, 2008 at 8:34 am
Stella Artois
August 29th, 2008 at 8:17 am
Okay, so I think we can safely establish that Australian beer is the best beer, and Heineken is the worst beer, ever. Heineken is so bad that, after paying $15 for a can at a music festival (thinking “it can’t *possibly* be as bad as I remember it to be”), I poured it into the damn gutter after two sips. That shit is beyond terrible.
August 29th, 2008 at 8:16 am
Also, believe it or not, there’s some very good Russian lagers to be had. Baltika, for example. Very nice.
August 29th, 2008 at 8:15 am
What ‘12 Pack’ probably neglected to mention, or even realise, was that everyone else passed out or stopped drinking most likely because they’d been at it the previous 24 hours non-stop, and were probably more than half cut when they woke up.
August 29th, 2008 at 8:14 am
I am from Germany! ’nuff said? Czech is also good by the way
August 29th, 2008 at 8:05 am
“Life is too short to drink cheap beer”
Not sure who said it, I didn’t make it up myself but it is so true. Caledonian Brewery’s Duchars is a damn fine session beer. Round you session off with a couple of Black Sheep Brewery’s Riggwelter.
Belgian dark beers are great with a steak but they are just too strong to drink a lot.
Some of the best boutique beers I’ve tried recently are coming out of Singapore. Well with five microbreweries for a population of just 3 million people competition is fierce
August 29th, 2008 at 8:04 am
Listen up, here comes science! The reason many US beers are pisswater is that there’s less regulation of the alcohol in them. There’s more than one type of alcohol, the normal one being ethanol, but also others (they have more carbon in them, go look up some chemistry) like propanol. Over here in Europe we have higher standards about how much of the “alcohol” in a drink is actually ethanol, and how much is allowed to be some other alcohol (they get made accidentally during fermentation sometimes)
Ethanol is the one that gets you pleasurably drunk, whereas propanol, being more poisonous, will just give you a nasty fucker of a hangover. US beer being held to lower standards means that at it’s mass produced worst, it’ll get you less drunk and give you a worse hangover per volume of beer consumed. QED.
August 29th, 2008 at 8:03 am
I am english, and usually we are the sort to take every opportunity to criticise america on cultural matters (e.g. spellings of criticise), but on beer, we aren’t in that strong a position.
Most english ales are about 3%, which doesn’t go very far towards justifying the fact they taste like warm dishwater, and our most famous lager is carling (which ‘tastes like a crow’s just pissed in my bath’ according to sean lock, reasonably accurately). Not saying there aren’t good ones from small breweries, but there are few good english beers that you’ll be able to buy throughout the whole country.
The belgians, however, fucking rock at beer (except stella - that stuff is poor). Poor guys though; stuck as france’s canada (france = overbearing jerks, belgium = downtrodden guys that get all the credit for their good work stolen, yet no one raises a fuss because of the odd bryan adams/jazz atrocity) and no one knows there are things that they are actually good at.
August 29th, 2008 at 7:59 am
@ BearMan
“Anyone ever had Rauchbier? It’s made with smoked malt. It’s almost like drinking bacon! It’s delicious!!!”
If by delicious you mean awful. Seriously mate, i am a huge fan of dark beer, but that stuff is putrid.
(it really does smell like bacon)
August 29th, 2008 at 7:57 am
What if you mixed them all into a big jug? I’d like to think you’d get the best of all worlds with zero consequences. Fuck it, someone get me a big jug and a funnel.
August 29th, 2008 at 7:54 am
Budweiser, Your “honest-hard working American beer” is brewed in Ontario (Which is in Canada for the those of you who didn’t know).
August 29th, 2008 at 7:53 am
I find the lack of belgian beers on this article disturbing…
August 28th, 2008 at 10:23 pm
One time I drank my own piss and didn’t even notice that it wasn’t beer. I still puked everywhere and had a serious fucking headache after. I used to drink piss so I could get drunk more than once from the same beer.
August 28th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
“I thought better of you, Glendoor”
What the fuck? you can get just as drunk on cheap beer as you can expensive beer. I don’t drink anymore anyway, doesn’t really matter.I just stick with the crystal meth now.
August 28th, 2008 at 7:50 pm
Funny thing is that Budweiser’s owned by the Belgium (InBev) and Miller’s owned by the South Africans (South African Breweries). I’m serious! Look it up in Wikipedia. Also, InBev and SAB own a lot of the beer companies out there
August 28th, 2008 at 7:50 pm
I thought better of you, Glendoor.
August 28th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
RC Cola!!!? Now that’s living hardcore.
August 28th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
Give me a fucking RC Cola.
August 28th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Anyone ever had Rauchbier? It’s made with smoked malt. It’s almost like drinking bacon! It’s delicious!!!
August 28th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
so when beer tastes creamy and bitter it’s good?
watery beer is good because it’s not disgusting. Moosehead and kokanee are my favs for sure. watery, and pretty strong.
BEEEEERRRRRR!!!!!!!!
August 28th, 2008 at 11:39 am
I don’t drink. that is all.
August 28th, 2008 at 9:57 am
Beast Lite breakfast of exchampions. If you get it in a keg it really pretty good.
August 28th, 2008 at 8:52 am
We used to call Milwaukee’s Best “The Beast.”
August 28th, 2008 at 12:22 am
My favorite beer was Milwaukee’s Best Lite, the inbred bastard child of Miller Lite.
August 27th, 2008 at 10:17 pm
This comment section is where beer ads go to die.
August 27th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
Apologies for the 3 post thing, but, Irish people, a guy I know started a brewery recently enough and his ale is called Galway Hooker. Outside Galway it’s being sold in the Temple Bar and Nassau St Porter Houses, and some other places too. It has gotten popular very quickly and is supposedly delicious.
August 27th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
The best beer is the fifteenth one…
August 27th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
Also, in terms of beer you can’t beat Erdinger, also Samichlaus beer (santa claus beer) which is 14%, the strongest lager in the world, brewed once a year on december 6th and matured for 10 months before bottling apparantly packs some whallop and is awesome.
August 27th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
Tom: I agree whole heartedly, and as my grandaddy would say, “sure there’s eatin and drinkin in Guinness” (imagine this in an irish accent with ‘eating’ pronounced like ‘ay-tin’)
August 27th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
What about a Genny Cream Ale? Does nobody think their Genny Cream Ale is better than anybody else’s beer?
August 27th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
Pilsner Urquell is the best beer on Earth. It is what Budweiser dreams of being.
As others have said, Samuel Adams is the best mass-produced American beers. Hey, it’s named for a brewer and a patriot!
Pabst gets a bad rap, because it is cheap. However, it’s cheap, because it doesn’t spend billions in brain-washing advertisements like Bud/Miller/Coors. The beer itself is much better than any of those!
Still, you usually can’t go wrong with supporting your local brewery! We have over 70 in the great state of Michigan! Go out a visit one today!
August 27th, 2008 at 6:46 am
“When I want to shine a light inside me, I go into a pub and drink 15 pints.” - Shane Mcgowan.
“When I drink 15 pints, I shine with the phosphorous glow of the fire hose pressured puke shooting out of all my face orifices.” - Me
If it wasn’t for cheap beer and Cracked comment sections my Saturday nights would be very dull.
August 27th, 2008 at 6:35 am
San Miguel brings up childhood vacation memories from Spain, of my lobster-red dad with about 3 days of stubble trying not to wince as he has to lift his arm to drink from the bottle.
Good times, good times.
August 27th, 2008 at 4:48 am
Being from Germany I have to plug german beer of course, but lots of countries produce decent beer !
Germany: Beck’s, Altbier (Old Düsseldorf in the US, as far as i know, Magnum PI used to drink that, Düsseldorf is my hometown, there are some really decent brewery/pub places that have great beer, like Füchschen or Schuhmacher), Oktoberfestbier is also awesome, Astra from St.Pauli (red light district in Hamburg) is really good, Flensburger is really tasty, of course there are a lot that taste like pee (Paderborner Pils is the dirt cheap choice of many a homeless drunk, you have to try it to believe it, it is sold in 500 ml tin cans, we call them bum grenades or bum bombs)
Finland (my mother’s native country): Karhu beer, just really tasty
Netherlands: Bavaria beer (On every case it says: Zo, nu eerst en Bavaria ! meaning something like “I could really use a Bavaria right about now !”), and Grolsch !
Czech Republic: the three big ones: Budvar, Pilsner Urquell (Plzensky Prazdroj) and Staropramen are standard issue for the Czechs but fucking awesome for the rest of the world, and a special one Velkopopovicky Kozel (meaning the billy-goat of Great Popovice)
in my opinion the best beer ever made, if you see it, try it ! Pub Italia has it on their list by the way, they’ve got a really decent list there !
Birra Moretti from Italy has an awesome mascot (a drunk man with an impressively ugly mustache, do an image search for Birra Moretti to see what I mean) but it tastes like urine.
Tyskie from Poland is also really good (Tyskie means Germany in Polish, as far as I know, so go figure)
Faxe, which is from Denmark, is exclusively sold in gigantic one liter cans, which is awesome in itself, but now thy’ve also got a stronger variety on the market, same can size !
San Miguel from Spain is decent as long as it’s cold
That’s about it. Shit, this shit made me thirsty ! Zo, nu eerst en Bavaria ! Prost !
August 27th, 2008 at 3:37 am
kingmonkey, extreme ombudsman (level 17) Says:
August 26th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
That, my friend, is how I was crowned king of the monkeys.
There’s an Irish-Italian pub a couple blocks from my house (apartment) that serves over 200 different kinds of beer. This is their beer list: http://www.pubitalia.ca/beers.html
I like going there.
————————
Holy crap. I used to live about a block from Pub Italia. Solid pub, I love that place. Still go back occasionally.
August 27th, 2008 at 2:31 am
The best beer there is, is the one you have directly after working a ten hour day in the blazing-fucking august sunshine. To hell with the name on the label.
August 26th, 2008 at 10:39 pm
Oh, and props to the author for the Blabaer inclusion! Utterly fantastic beer!
August 26th, 2008 at 10:37 pm
“Honestly, American beer sucks.”
Honestly, only a macro swill drinking moron would say something like that.
August 26th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
American beer is shit. That’s why in Grand Theft Auto 4, the beer they always advertise is Pibswaser. Pronounced: Piss wasser.
August 26th, 2008 at 8:17 pm
Mainstream American beer is indeed pisswater (with the exception of Sam Adams), but there are plenty of most excellent regional beers and microbrews. Heineken and Beck’s are pastuerized and watered down for American palates; always look for a beer that’s brewed according to the German purity act of 1516. Agreed with whoever said Hoegaarden is way better than Blue Moon; no contest. A slightly cool (but not cold) pitcher of Hoegaarden with lemon on a hot summer day in the shade is the shiznit. Franziskaner also makes and excellent wheat beer, especially the dunkel version. Guiness is a decent stout, but not as good as a number of others (even Sam Adams cream stout). Zyweic is a tasty Polish porter that also has 8% alcohol. Agreed, R_I; Pilsner Urquell is a most excellent beer. Fuck, now I’m in the mood for a beer or 12, for some reason.
August 26th, 2008 at 8:17 pm
Is anyone else drinking right now? Goaded to alcoholism from 800 in the morning by the perverse genius of this post?
August 26th, 2008 at 8:14 pm
And Pacifico is precisely of those extraordinarily versatile (what-the-fuck-did-you-put-in-the-glass-oh-sweet-jesus-it-still-tastes-like-spicy-lime-heaven) beers I was referring to earlier. Kudos Zachalicious! Guinness and Leffe are my two untainted favourites, but I can see you know exactly how and where to enjoy good Mexican lager.
Kingmonkey, extreme-whatever-the-hell, please send a date and address promptly. Although to be honest, I’ll just be there promptly, ’cause there is no way I can get by more than two pints of stout.
August 26th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
Being from the American Northwest, I have to say that some of our micro-brews are top-notch, and really, when it comes to cheap, mass-produced SHIT, taste isn’t really the point, right? If all of your friends are broke-ass bitches, or you’re short on scratch, everyone can pitch on a case of Pabst and still have a good time. A case of shit beer, and a sixer of something decent is always the way to go when you party. Also, in my experience south of the border I’ve had them all, and for me, nothing goes down better in the sunshine on a beautiful white-sand beach with a hot senorita than Pacifico… I guess we all have our favorites.
August 26th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
What? No Sam Adams?
Boston Lager is my beer of choice!
August 26th, 2008 at 7:38 pm
speaking of Monty Python, they have a beer called “Monty Python’s Holy Grail” and the “Gr” is xxed out. It says “tempered over burning witches” on the label.
August 26th, 2008 at 7:14 pm
Thank you, thank you, thank you, oh THANK YOU so much for not mentioning Fosters.
Contrary to what I understand to be popular US opinion, it is not “Australian for beer”. Fosters is, in fact, Australian for “sweet fucking Christ, how can we get that Godawful piss as far away from us as possible? I know, we’ll export it!”
Australia has a veritable plethora of tasty grain-based libations - more even than you might expect, given our thriving boutique brewery culture - but Fosters is most definitely not one of them. I’ve heard there are some hardy souls who can actually stomach it, when the day is really, really hot (like 40C+) and the Fosters is really, really cold, and they’re thirsty, and there is no filthy, stagnant pond around to provide alternative refreshment. However, this has something of the character of an urban legend, because I have never met one of these heroic people, nor have I met anyone who can lay claim to having done so; it’s always a “true story, my friend had a friend who had a friend” sort of semi-mythic type thing.
Out of curiosity, I have in my life sampled both Budweiser and Pabst (yes, you can buy them here, but you need to go looking). I found neither of them to be particularly offensive in taste, but simply fairly bland and without a great deal of character. What’s that joke about sex in a canoe? Yeah.
Anyway, I’ve been greedy and thrown in two and a HALF cents here, so I suppose I should take my Vegemite toast and my kangaroo steaks and go away somewhere and allow you fine people to continue with your lives.
Cheers!
P.
August 26th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
I’m going to argue that America DOES have good beers. FANTASTIC beers. Just not very good mass-produced beers. Sam Adams is probably the best “mainstream” American beer. Budweiser? Millers? All of that is piss in a bottle.
Before resigning the States to “WORST BEER EVAR” status, it would be fair to examine beers from Dogfish Head or Rogue Ales. Two brew lines that are consistently excellent.
“American beers suck” is more a statement of ignorance than of anything else.
August 26th, 2008 at 6:11 pm
Viking Lad, I’m living north at the moment (in Sweden, I assume you’re from Scandinavia?), but as of yet no one can claim this particularly crown, though I’ve only moved here a week ago, so I’m not ruling it out.
August 26th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
Kilkenny?
August 26th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
damn, now I want a beer after this article and all the comments…
August 26th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
Heineken? Fuck that shit! Pabst Blue Ribbon!
August 26th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Well I admit that my spelling of the name is incorrect (never cared how it was spelled, just how I got a few 30 packs to my house for a night of liver destruction). Also I only said I felt it was the best of the cheap beers, I don’t really drink it anymore if I’m just enjoying a brew. And considering the other cheap alternatives in this area (Genesee anyone? blech!), I don’t think I’m too far off.
I noticed that Tom and passer by mentioned the Polish and the Czechs as some of the best drinkers, and I think my alcoholic superpowers must be derived from my lineage, which is half Irish, one quater Czech, and one quater Polish.
I’m all for the 12 day binge-fest, let’s name the time and place and make it close to where I live, since I’m poor until I finish my schooling. As a side note, never skip out on going to college because you’re too busy having fun drinking, because apparently you can get a degree AND be hammered at the same time (nobody told me!).
August 26th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
The best kind of beer,young people, is FREE BEER!!!!,
Thus ended the lesson.
August 26th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
How has no one mentioned the greatest of all American beers: Natty Lite? Natty has that smooth watery taste that foreign beers simply can’t touch.
August 26th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
A good pint of Newcastle is like heaven to me. Mock away, if you want, but I also drink Busch Light, but only to get solidly pissed.
August 26th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
See, I think American beers get a bad rep by the big players. Sure Bud, Coors, Miller, and those are junk. They’re the mass produced shit. But the local microbreweries can be pretty kick ass. For people from St. Louis, fuck the sell-out Bud and go with Schlafly instead. Great stuff. For Colorado people, forget Coors or whatever it is up there, go with Left Hand or New Belgium. Hell, even Abita is pretty kick ass.
Belgian beers are my favourite by far (Lindman’s). But I’ve had good Asian beers, African beers, UK, and pretty much everywhere. And I’ve had crap from just as many other countries. It’s all to taste, and it’s all to alcohol content.
August 26th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
I personally prefer Heineken, but then again I’m Dutch, so I suppose it comes naturally.
August 26th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
I make my own beer. I am automatically better than all of you.
American beer is the product of Prohibition. Only the biggest breweries survived that travesty of populism, and it was very difficult (legally) to start a new one. So the beers we were left with were those that travelled well.
But we are getting better. See Michelob and Sam Adams.
August 26th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
“Your beer is exactly like making love in a canoe.”
“What? how?”
“It’s fucking close to water.” (monty python)
August 26th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
Kingmonkey, just let me know when the beer party is.
And, of course, not all American beer is shitty. Just in general.
And one more thing: absolutely nothing beats homemade beer by someone who knows what they’re doing. The best beer I EVER had was a wormwood beer made by my friend Melissa. She also makes a killer nettle beer (although that one is kind of an acquired taste).
August 26th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
I noticed no one else called out 12-Pack for his misspelling of Busch Beer…here’s a lesson:
Bush = Shitty President
Busch = Shitty Beer
August 26th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
That, my friend, is how I was crowned king of the monkeys.
There’s an Irish-Italian pub a couple blocks from my house (apartment) that serves over 200 different kinds of beer. This is their beer list: http://www.pubitalia.ca/beers.html
I like going there.
To be honest, it always makes me laugh when people make fun of other countries’ beers. “American beer sucks!” What, like there’s only one brand of American beer? Every country has a plethora of beers to choose from, varying wildly in tastes. Then, of course, the matter of taste is subjective, too; what tastes good to you, may make me barf in your pants.
Whooo! I was starting to be rational there for a moment.
August 26th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Kingmonkey, you are a genius. I applaud both you and your kung-fu shark killing skills.
BearMan: I do realize Blue Moon is a mass-produced attempt at a good beer that falls short, but for a mass-produced beer, it’s pretty darn good.
Stiles: I’ve tried Hefeweisen, and I do like it. I’m just saying, for a mass-produced, cheap beer, Blue Moon sure beats the pants off a Coors or Budweiser or Miller. (Admittedly not hard to do.)
Again, I think Kung-Fu Master Kingmonkey’s idea is pure genius.
August 26th, 2008 at 11:36 am
Tom Says, being an Irishman myself I have come to know that when it comes to beer consumption Ireland is in fact THIRD in the world. The people of the Czech Republic have held the title since 2002.
Also being an Irishman is the primary reason I KNOW that Guinness is NOT the best stout. Murphy’s and particularly Beamish are both way better than Guinness. BESIDES the fact that Guinness is selling the iconic St. James Gate brewery, which was supposedly the source of the magical water that made Guinness what it is. Yes, they’ve sold it. They got rid of that which supposedly made them special, as well as the livelihoods of many Irish people. Guinness is mostly brewed in Canada.
August 26th, 2008 at 11:36 am
There’s only one way to solve this– everyone come to my place, and bring your favourite beers. We’ll all compile an international menu of beers and have a 12-day Beer-off to see which is the best. Whoever survives the whole 12-day, 24 hour-a-day brau orgy gets to definitively name the best beer ever.
August 26th, 2008 at 11:18 am
Blue Moon is the shittiest attempt at a witbier I’ve ever tasted. Try Hoegaarden instead. Yes, I am a beer snob.
August 26th, 2008 at 10:59 am
Tom: Have you ever looked north? I may not drink beer and I’m of slender build, but I can hold my own when drinking hard liquor and wines. My father inlaw tried hard to get me drunk, but he failed.
August 26th, 2008 at 10:41 am
If you like Blue Moon, try a Hefeweisen. It’s an unfiltered wheat brew that Pyramid, Paulaner, and Shiner all make pretty decent versions of. Imagine a heavier Blue Moon without all the orange flavor. Good stuff.
August 26th, 2008 at 10:34 am
P.S. Ross–great, I knew I wasn’t hallucinating the whole Prague experience. Although at times I thought I was. Personally, I’d pick Pilsner Urquell (Again, too lazy to spell today) or some of the even cheaper and better tasting stuff you get out in the less Prague-ian areas of Česky Republika.
I love talking about beer whilst drinking beer. Even if it’s just Grain Belt Premium.
SamLowery: Blue Moon is pretty awesome, I’ll agree.
August 26th, 2008 at 10:30 am
HA! You didn’t cover my faves: Sammy Adams (several varieties) and Blue Moon.
August 26th, 2008 at 10:28 am
Res, yeah, Budvar is a Czech beer sold in Europe, I think I’ve had a bottle or 2.
August 26th, 2008 at 10:28 am
12Pack, as an Irishman, I will accept the following nations as having close, or equal, to the drinking ability of my own country: Germany, Poland, Russia. That is all. I have never met anyone from anywhere else that can out drink an Irish person.
Also, Guinness is the best stout. No questions.
August 26th, 2008 at 10:25 am
By the way, not only is Budweiser piss-water, but they stole the name from a Czech brewing company–a company that produces delicious Czech beer. It can be found over in the U.S. (greatly diminished in taste) under the bastard name “Czechvar” (or some variation, spelling I refuse to look up)–but in the Czech Republic, it’s sold under its proper name. (Although in Czech it’s more like “Budvar,” if I can remember correctly . . .
Also, fuck Budweiser for sponsoring the Olympics. Nothing says “faster, higher, stronger” or whatever the catchphrase is than . . . pisswater beer (and McDonald’s)!
August 26th, 2008 at 10:22 am
Wow–such responses. And oh, the poetic nature of this entry–I had just opened my first beer (it’s 10:21 A.M. where I am) before reading this entry. I went to Cracked.com and beer was to be had.
Let’s all just drink beer today. Decent beer.
And if you want not only delicious, fresh beer but beer that’s cheap as Hell, go to Praha (Prague). I calculated it to be about fifty cents (U.S.) per .5 L of beer, which means you can get really drunk on really good beer really cheaply.
YAY PIVO! (Beer.)
August 26th, 2008 at 10:22 am
12 Pack, I’m not surprised the English were the first to pass out - not when the English abroad can’t drink to save their own shit, which is why Spain, the Carribean and most of western Europe is full of drunk, badly sunburned English folk.
August 26th, 2008 at 10:19 am
To me it’s not proper beer unless it’s ale, which means it’s not proper beer unless it’s practically still got plants and wood and all manner of shit in it and brewed by guys with beards down to their chest and no concept of female interaction.
My favourite beers are; John Smith’s, Bellhaven Best, The Dog’s Bollocks (a fucking excellent light ale from Ireland) Stella Artois, Carleton Draught (a lager from Australia that is purely for domestic drinking, not for export) and Sapporo.
August 26th, 2008 at 10:14 am
Oh Stiles. I was about to love you… before I realised you were in fact NOT aiming subtle irony at 12 Pack.
Thanks Chris, for reminding me I have a hangover and it’s barely Tuesday. And Guinness may be very well and all, but it tastes bloody awful when prepared as a michelada, you know, with all that chili sauce and salt and lemon so popular in Mexico. A good beer should be versatile.
August 26th, 2008 at 10:08 am
I would just like for you to try Indio and Victoria beers if you ever go to Mexico. This does not mean those are better than any others, they just taste really good.
August 26th, 2008 at 9:57 am
I’m with Biermann. I guess that makes me Bierfrau. I lived in Germany during my high school years. If you love beer, make a pilgrimage to beer’s holy mecca, Deutchland. Every town has their own brewery. The beer is served room temperature (you only have to drink beer cold when it sucks).
It took me years to get used to the taste of American beer. As the Monty Python’s once said, “American beer is like making love in a canoe. It’s fucking close to water.”
August 26th, 2008 at 9:48 am
What about good old Arrogant Bastard Ale? I’ts the only beer I know of that’s proud to taste like a monkey’s armpit, and actively taunts you on its own label for not liking it. It may not necessarily be better than your beer in terms of things like ‘taste,’ ‘drinkability,’ or ‘lack of primate body part flavor’, but it could definitely take your beer in a street fight.
August 26th, 2008 at 9:41 am
I’ve always known that American beer is not very good (unless you start paying through the teeth for it). But on the whole, so long as you stay away from Budweiser, a.k.a., the shittiest beer ever produced in all of history (try to argue…you’ll be wrong), we generally are looking to have a good time and party down. For all of the drinking that I’ve done (look at my profile pic for Christsakes), when I’m going to play a drinking game like beer-pong, or spinners, or asshole–of which I’m still unsure of the rules after all these years–I like to crack open a frosty cold Bush.
I’m not looking to start a flame war against myself here– it’s just that I personally have found that of all the CHEAP beers, Bush is the best for pouring down your throat in rapid succession.
And to everyone not in the U.S. who reads and wants to talk shit about how ratty and weak American beer is, just remember not to confuse that with thinking that we can’t out-drink damn near every one of you. I spent a wonderful few weeks in the Dominican Republic when I was 18 and 1) Drank enough Presidente (beer) and Brugal (rum) that I was given t-shirts by the resort staff, and 2) put the following nations squarely under the table: England, Germany, Switzerland, Italy, France, Portugal, and Canada. The only ones who were close to keeping up were the Canadians, and the English were the first to pass out. All 5 of them.
Go U.S.A.
August 26th, 2008 at 9:37 am
Ah, beer. Not my thing, but sure.
Thanks for giving me the info I need to successfully navigate a conversation in a bar. Because, really, this is the only conversation I ever hear in a bar, besides “Oh, dude, I so totally love you, man, I mean, really, I really really love you…” and the classic “wuuuuuh…” right before passing out.
Maybe I need to stop going to bars on Wednesday afternoons.
August 26th, 2008 at 9:33 am
What about if I drink Crown Lager? Or Boag’s Strongarm? Or Cooper’s pale ale? There’s just not enough information here!
August 26th, 2008 at 9:10 am
Honestly, American beer sucks. Having lived many years in both Canada and the US I am convinced that the best beer is…German. If you really want to know what a GOOD brew is, go to Europe and order a German “Jever” or “Flensbuger Pilsener”. You will never touch that watery piss called beer in the states or Canada for that matter.
August 26th, 2008 at 9:03 am
I hate to break it to you but Budweiser is not so American anymore. They got bought by a a few weeks ago by European company called InBev.
August 26th, 2008 at 8:40 am
Chris is posting about beer on a Tuesday morning, anyone else suspect his weekend isn’t quite over yet?
Or else he’s wallowing in nostalgia?
August 26th, 2008 at 8:05 am
Beer! Which I may not drink. Curses. Also, an innuendo. First.