__new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line__Inventions don't grow on... huh.
The Self-Defense Memo Pad__new_line__
__new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line__Patent Number: 5,823,572__new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line__
__new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line__Even the disembodied mugger's head seems confused by this invention. The inventor appears to believe that the only problem with using a notepad as a weapon is that it's too hard to hold, which should give us some idea of his motor skills. He also thinks wrapping your hand around a thin, hard rectangle before punching someone is a good idea, proving that he understands less about violence than unborn children, who at least know how to kick people in the gut.__new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line__
__new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line__While the confusing series of numbered features wants us to believe that the mugger's eye is somehow part of the invention, the only difference between this and a handful of Post-Its is the carved handholds in the side of the pages. Meaning it's not only useless as a weapon, it's actually counter productive as a notepad, assuming you don't want everyone you leave a note for to know they can just beat you up. The patent also suggests that the memos are useful for jotting down a description of your attacker, which is so likely, we're surprised they don't suggest that you also sketch the criminal's getaway unicorn.__new_line____new_line__When It Would Work:__new_line__If you can convince the mugger to pose like the one in the drawing, including not having a body, you might be OK. But if your enemy gives you unfettered access to their face and you still need extra weapons to win, you're probably screwed. So really, the only way this pad could defend you from attack is if you wrote down your PIN number and handed it over with your wallet.__new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line__
__new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line__Violence and memos really don't go together.
__new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line__Patent Number: 946,132__new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line__
__new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line__In the most tragic firearm-based mistake outside of thinking your gun's unloaded while you clean it with your penis, the cartoonishly-named Henry H. Hull of Ohio designed a revolver with a switchblade. Because after you've pulled a gun on someone, that gun then pulling a knife will be what really scares them. If you've never fired a handgun, attaching extra weight to the end of the barrel is worse for your aim than drinking a bottle of tequila. __new_line____new_line__Worse, it's not an attachment for existing revolvers. The switchblade is built into a protrusion from the barrel so you have to buy an entire new gun just for this idiotic addition. A gun's entire deal is propelling extremely unfriendly things at your enemies, but it's meant to be bullets by explosions, not a knife by a little spring. It's a worse weapon upgrade than sprinkling sneezing powder on a landmine - there's no conceivable enemy it will be effective against, and there's better than good chance it'll get you killed.__new_line____new_line__When It Would Work:__new_line__Obviously, the idea here is to have a little left over fight in you once you've emptied your ammunition. But if you're at the range where you could use this knife and still missed all six shots, you're honor-bound to just let them kill you.__new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line____new_line__