Remember when you were in high school, looking forward to college and all the incredible things you'd do with your life? And then you enrolled, and in the first week you got so drunk partying with strangers that you showed up to poli-sci 101 half-dressed and tried to fuck the professor's desk? And how you went on to become the first student in that prestigious institution's 120-year history to ever be expelled for fucking a professor's desk? And now you're writing articles ranking fictional colleges on a comedy website? Ha ha, up yours, Dean Westmorland!
9 Adams College From Revenge Of The Nerds
20th Century Fox
Pros: Football team is populated by men in their 30s, probably better trained than most. Easy access to David Bowie montages.
Cons: Poor handling of numerous sex crimes. Every type of discrimination possible.
In Brief: This university apparently has a great computer program, but has no one on staff to teach students or faculty how to interact in a remotely human way with women, homosexuals, minorities, children, or anyone else they might encounter. Some of these students are clearly on the spectrum; is there a place for them to get counseling if they need it? There's just so much wrong here -- can a single fraternity have a monopoly on the football team? And show me where in the college handbook it says a frat can usurp a dorm?
Also, it can't be stressed enough, the chief nerd in this movie disguises himself and has sex with a member of the Pi Delta Pi sorority, tricking her into thinking he's her boyfriend.
20th Century Fox
But not before selling illegal revenge porn of her to the entire campus.
You may recognize this behavior by its more common, shorter description: rape. Rape is a key plot point in this comedy. And it's actually played for laughs. How many movies have you ever seen that used the entire act of rape as a joke? Also, it makes her fall in love with him, because why not!? This school is dangerous for any number of reasons, not the least of which is Booger roaming its campus, prepared to rape a woman if he thinks he deserves her more than her boyfriend does.
Bonus points for the montage when the nerds are looking for new housing and a frightening older woman alludes to wanting a sexual relationship with the clearly underage Wormser. Rape and pedophilia! Adams College has it all!
8 Pacific Tech From Real Genius
Pros: No discernible age limitations on admission. Also a strong network of hidden tunnels/caves.
Cons: Exceptionally high nerd population, apparently only one female student. Potential to be assaulted by man in the walls.
In Brief: This is a highly specialized, potentially evil little school meant for hyper geniuses. They may be working on top-secret weapons, but at least they can have zany fun in their downtime!
The upside of this school seems to be their desire to bend over backwards to make sure they get you enrolled, provided you're a genius. The downside is that they lost at least one student, and not just in the sense he left campus; he left life. And now he lives in the walls. And no one knows. Didn't that guy's parents come looking for him? How did the school account for a missing student like that?
Also potentially an issue is the fact that the school is trying to get children to develop weapons to murder people from space. Is that usual? This may be one to sleep on for a night before enrolling.