#4. "Hardcore" Dancing
There is nothing (and I do mean nothing) more worthy of judgment and ridicule than hardcore dancers. Even if left in its original format with its original audio, this video would be funny. But just like every other video in existence, if you strip that shit out and replace it with "Yakety Sax," it just takes on a whole new level of hilarious.
"I call this the 'Out of Ritalin.'"
Now it's a Benny Hill sketch about coked-up white guys fighting off invisible ninjas. And believe me, they are in it to win it, baby. For some reason, they all decide to start displaying their best kung fu moves, even though it's painfully, embarrassingly obvious that not a single one of them has ever taken even the most remedial lesson in their lives.
Whoa, step back there, buddy. That dude will spin kick your fucking knee clean off.
Other than that, it's a display of gritted teeth and flailing arms and legs that serves as a clear explanation of why their parents took on newfound vows of celibacy. I think this girl's expression sums up the feeling at the event perfectly:
#3. Dairy Cows Playing Like Puppies
This is another case of the music really making the video. It's a group of dairy cows that have been cooped up inside of a barn all winter, and this is their first time being released back into the pasture. Right as the video starts, the upbeat part of U2's "Beautiful Day" blasts in as cows jump and flop around like hyperactive puppies. And for whatever reason, that song just makes the whole thing hilarious. It gives it such a huge "inspirational movie" feel, but it's just a bunch of cows playing and rubbing their faces on the ground.
"Might as well do this now before we cover this whole place with our shit."
If you ever need a quick mood boost after a long day, pull this video up. If you can watch that and not smile, you're not of our species.
#2. Reporter Is Amazed at the Avocado Dog
After watching this video, I think you'll agree that none of us will ever find as much joy in anything as Huell Howser did when he found a dog that eats avocados. On the air. As part of his report. On an actual TV show.
See, Huell had his own travel show on a California PBS station, and he was just amazed at everything, like, all the time. In this particular episode, he was visiting an avocado farm (or orchard, or whatever the hell you call them ... "birtheries"), and on the way up to see the actual picking in action, he noticed that the farmer's dog was eating an avocado off of the ground. In absolute glee, he exclaimed, "Your dog is eating an avocado!"
He follows up with "I've never seen a dog eat avocados before!" And then he pushes the mic toward the farmer, as if it were a question he was supposed to answer.
"Um ... now you have? I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say here."
One of the guys walks over and picks up the peel, and Huell just can't contain himself. He starts giggling like a little kid, holding up the cleaned-out shell and saying, "Look at this! That dog ate every speck of that avocado!" He's so into it, he actually set up another shot to show the dog eating a fresh one, leading in with "You want to see how to make a dog happy? Now that's an avocado-eatin' dog!"
But my favorite part of the whole video is at the end. He's moved on from the farm and has gone into what appears to be a farmer's market. He's interviewing a woman, and in the middle of his questions, he says to her, "The grove we were just visiting, their dogs ate avocados and they have the shiniest, healthiest-lookin' coat!"
I've never seen any other segment with Huell, and quite frankly, I don't want to. I like to imagine that in every other interview he ever did he found a way to mention the avocado-eatin' dog. Sadly, he passed away last January, and I truly hope he's in a place right now watching fields upon fields of dogs eating avocados. Just giggling and bursting with joy for all eternity.
#1. Most Soda Cans Opened in Three Seconds
I'm not arrogant enough to think I could make this video any funnier or more awesome by adding a text description. Sometimes the highest honor you could give a piece of artwork like this is to just sit back and enjoy it for what it is.